Lonely in a Crowd
by RainandFlames
Summary: Meredith is married to her high school sweetheart. Everything should be perfect. It would have been except for the fact that he slept with someone the night before their wedding day. Now after 6 unhappily married years, she meets Derek Shepherd.
1. Chapter 1

**Back story: Meredith is married to John, her childhood sweetheart. They have lived in Boston since they were in fifth grade. Meredith moved there with her mother when she was 10, which is when she met John. They are now moving to Seattle so that Meredith can go into Seattle Grace Hospital's surgical internship program. John is a very successful attorney, and is moving into a large firm. They have had many bumps in the road that will be revealed. Please give it a chance. It has been in my head a long time!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John: So, Mer, are you ready for the big move?

Meredith: Yeah. The moving company picked up most our things today. I hope they don't break anything. I don't want to arrive in Seattle to a mess.

John: So Seattle? Do they really have the best internship program?

Meredith: That is where my mother did hers. I'm just glad that I got in. We are lucky that the law firm had a spot open there for you.

John: Honey, I can get in anywhere. Did you forget that your husband is a talented, sexy, brilliant attorney?

Meredith: You are so arrogant!

John: So the movers left us a sleeping bag and a couple of pillows? That could be fun. (He reaches over to pull her close, she pulls away.)

Meredith: Not tonight. (She shut him out again. Like she has for the past 6 years.)

John: What time do we need to get up? (He spread the sleeping bag out.)

Meredith: The plane leaves at 5:00 am. We need to be in a cab by 4.

John: Well, good night.

Meredith: Yeah.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't open herself up to him again. He didn't deserve it. Not after what he had done. John tosses and and turns, but he knows sleep isn't coming. Having his wife next to him. So close, but yet so far. Sure he had made a mistake. Who doesn't? He still loved her more than anything. He needed her. She had no idea how much.

::FLASHBACK::

Meredith: I'll be back later. I need to help Sam study. (He pulls her into a kiss. The passion between them was unbelievable. They always had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other.)

John: Again? (Frustrated.) You have been gone every freaking night this week.

Meredith: I'm sorry, I just...

John: It's fine, really. (He was angry, and saddened. He felt like she was drifting away.)

John gets a cabs. Part of him is nervous of what he is going to find. It will be nothing, he is sure of it. They are in love, but she had been acting so strangely lately. He had the driver follow Meredith. He sees her get out at a bar and hugs a very good looking guy.

John: Son-of-a-bitch _Sam was supposed to be a chick. Three days before they were going to spend the rest of their life together, become man and wife, live happily ever after, and she is out screwing around with some guy. Two can play this game._

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Meredith: John, get up! The cab is on it's way.

John: Thanks a freaking lot, like I didn't want to take a damn shower before we left. (he was mad, all he had thought about all night was the past. He hated that chapter of their live together.) Now we are going to get on the plane and I am going to smell like ass! (She laughed, God, it was great to see her smile, like a breath of fresh air.)

Meredith: I'm sorry. Just get dressed, and you can bath when we get to the new house. Oh shit, the cabs here, hurry up!! (She looks around their home for the last time. It was empty just as it was when they moved in. It was their first house together. It was modest, John wanted something bigger, but she refused, she loved this house. Now it was going to be the past. She was moving forward.)

John: Oh my God! (He puts his clothes on it record time.)

Cabbie: Where to?

John: The airport.

The airport was fairly busy, and they had to rush to get to their flight. With all the security measure, it took quite awhile. They had John take off his shoes. It made him mad that he had to step on the dirty floor with his socks. He could be quite a clean freak. It drove him nuts that Meredith wasn't. She loved to walk around in her bare feet.

Loudspeaker: Now boarding flight 622 to Seattle.

Meredith: Come on lets GO... We don't need to be late!

John: Let me finish my coffee, I just paid $5 for the damn thing.

Meredith: Five bucks! My God, you are such a tight ass. You are too much to take, I'll see you on the plane.

(Meredith is walking along looking for her seat. She sees it and a good looking man sitting in the window seat with a couple of tattoos. _This could be fun._ She loved to make John jealous. She made him pay daily. She reaches up to put her things in the overhead compartment. The hot guy notices her reach.)

Guy: Hey I'm Matt, nice piercing, (he notices her belly ring) you traveling alone?

Meredith: Thanks! (sighs) No, I'm with my husband.

Matt: Oh...

John walks up. He is always well dressed. He's the kind of guy that is always clean cut, shaven, has a fresh suit on. Meredith on the other hand is very free. She wears whatever is comfortable. She doesn't pay too much attention to her looks. She is always clean, but never all dressed up with makeup on.

John: Hey Mer, did you remember to pack my mother's antique lamp?

Meredith: (Raises her voice.) Everything went! How many times do I have to tell you!!?? (It was uncalled for, but she was always on edge with John. She was always angry.)

Captain: Everyone please fasten your seat belts, we are ready to take off.

Flight Attendant: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

John: Yes, liquor, as much as you have on the plane. I'm going to need it to get through this flight.

Meredith: (Rolls her eyes.) I'll have an iced tea.

Matt: I'll have a Sprite.

Attendant: Right away.

John was buzzed and was sleeping. He didn't have the energy to deal with Meredith. Not after the sleepless night he had.

Matt: So what's your story.

Meredith: Oh you know, failing loveless marriage. We are moving to Seattle. I start my surgical internship on Monday.

Matt: You're going to be a surgeon? Hot and smart, the total package. (He gives her a grin.)

Meredith: Ha. You're a brave one, flirting with my husband right next to me. So what about you?

Matt: He's out. I am just visiting my sister, she has lived here for a couple years now. She is a surgical intern too.

Meredith: Don't ever assume that he's out. He is a very light sleeper. So your sister, what a coincidence!

Matt: Yeah. I love to visit her, it drives her nuts.

Meredith: (Yawns.) Well, it was nice talking to you, I am going to try to drown out reality with some sleep.

Matt: You too. I have some work to do. (He pulls out his laptop.)

::FLASHBACK::

Meredith: Sam! So you looking forward to meeting Justin?

Sam: Sure, just another guy.

Meredith: He could be the one for you, you never know!

Justin: Hey Mer! So is this 'super, great, nice, wonderful' guy you told me about?

Meredith: Yep, this is him! Look guys, I have been neglecting John lately. I am gonna get going, OK?

Justin & Sam: (together) Sure, see you later!

Meredith drives up to her parking spot, looking up at the light that is on in the kitchen. _Maybe he is still awake. God, I love him so much. In three days, we will be bound forever._ Meredith walks up to the apartment and puts her key in the door, she thinks she hears talking. She opens the door and hears it louder. She walks to the bedroom only to see him.

Meredith: You have to be freaking kidding me!

John: Mer- it's...Oh my God...wait.

Girl: Who's that?

John: My fiance, get the hell out of here...NOW! Mer, wait!

Meredith: I thought we were happy...we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. You had to sleep with that whore!

John: Me? You! I saw you, you and SAM. The man, not chick!

Meredith: You stupid bastard, Sam is GAY!

John: Oh my God, I...shit...wait.

Meredith: I can't be here, I...I'm leaving, I can't marry you.

John: Please...

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Flight Attendent: Please fasten your seat belts, we are about to land at Seattle Airport.

Meredith: John, get your ass up, we are here.

John: I've been up. There isn't enough alcohol in the world to drown you out.

Meredith: I beg to differ, remember our honeymoon?

John: Yeah, I do (He sighs, remembering their loveless honeymoon that they spend separately. Him passed out in the hotel room.)

The ride in the cab was silent. Neither of them had anything to say. Meredith knew she needed to be nicer to John, but she couldn't. The anger held onto her like a vise grip, and wouldn't let go. Finally they pull up to a gated community. They travel down the street with it's elaborate homes and immaculate lawns. Meredith thought it was all over the top. Not what she had been used to the last few years. Her mother had a nice house, but she was never in it. The pull up to the largest house in the whole development. It was a huge red brick mansion with white trim.

John: There's our new house, what do you think?

Meredith: Oh, it's nice...

John: What?

Meredith: It's fine, Isn't it a bit much?

John: I just want to make you happy, Mer.

Meredith: John, you should know by now that a house isn't going to change anything. Maybe you should have thought before you slept with that whore.

Meredith storms out of the cab and walks up to the door. John opens it. The house is already decorated, with their things, and some new. She had no idea how their things got there so quickly. The home was grand to say the least. The window treatments were over the top, and the furniture was beautiful.

Meredith: It's beautiful! (It was, she couldn't deny it.) How many bedrooms?

John: Five bedrooms, five baths, and a master bedroom with a connected bathroom, a formal dining room, formal living room, library, family room. Everything you could want, and more!

Meredith: Well, I get the master bedroom...

John: Well, I thought maybe in this house we could share a bedroom?

Meredith: You mean in the same bed, so not going to happen! Not yet.

John: (Sighs) Well, I am going to take a shower. Especially since I didn't get one this morning!

Meredith: Yeah, well me too. At least now I won't have to wait for you to primp yourself! Seriously, you are almost as bad as a woman.

John: (Walking away.) Am not!

---------------------

This chapter has been re-vamped because, frankly, the original one sucked! It didn't really represent my writing very well. This is better, but I think the story gets better as it goes on.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

After the shower, Meredith took it upon herself to look around her new home. Someone did a very nice job decorating the house. The kitchen was very nice with all of the stainless steel appliances. The family room had big, comfy furniture. The formal living room was so impeccable, she was afraid to walk into. The library was morse than impressive. The house was beautiful, but it wasn't her. She would much rather have a smaller house with some land, maybe by a lake. She had always wanted a wrap around porch, and horses. She loved to watch them run. She was busy daydreaming when John came down the stairs.

John: So, did you look around?

Meredith: Yes, It's huge! Who decorated?

John: One of the law partner's had his wife find someone. Some well-known personal decorator from Los Angeles. It's all for you Mer. I just want you to be happy.

Meredith: So what are we supposed to drive? I have to have something to take to work.

They had turned in their leased cars in Boston. She had driven an Audi TT. She didn't really like it, but it was expensive and John paid for it. John drove a Jaguar. He had to drive something nice, to keep up appearances. John worked hard for what they had, and he didn't mind showing it off. He would let Meredith buy anything she wanted. She wasn't that type of girl. Any other woman would have shopped to death and not been working their butt of in Med School.

John: Well I was thinking we could do that today. Anything you want, Its yours!

Meredith: Are we leasing this time, or buying?

John: I am going to lease something, but we are buying yours...you drive too much to pay mileage overages!

Meredith: Well, we need to get it done. It will stress me out too much If we do it at the last minute. I have to work tomorrow. I have to _work_ tomorrow. Not school, this is my job. Oh my God! I can't believe I made it. I made it to Seattle Grace!

John: I always knew you would, babe. You are the smartest and dare I say hottest woman I've ever known. So what, do you have in mind, as far as a vehicle?

Meredith: I think I want a Jeep. I love Jeeps. They're so rustic.

John: (Picks up the phone and calls for a cab.) OK then, that's where we will go.

John and Meredith make small talk in the cab on the way there. Seattle looked like an interesting place. Meredith thought she would like it here. On the way to the dealership she noticed Seattle Grace Hospital, where she would be working tomorrow. She made a mental note of how to get there. The pulled up to the dealership and she was looking at all of the cars.

Dealer: Can I help you with anything?

John: I think my wife here is interested in a car.

Dealer: Ma'am, do you have anything in mind?

Meredith: I think I like the Commander.

Dealer: How would you like to take one for a test drive?

Meredith: Sounds good.

Meredith gave John the ride of his life in the Jeep. He was always the one that drove. He had taught her, but he always made it a point to let her know he was the best driver of the two. Meredith goes home with Black Limited Jeep Commander. It was loaded, everything she wanted. John had her drop him at a Mercedes dealership where he picked out a convertible. Meredith loved her new car, it fit her personality perfectly. She wasn't the flashy type. The Jeep was perfect. After a while John came home. Meredith liked his new car, but she'd never admit it.

Meredith: Let's order some pizza. We're getting what I want this time!

John: No anchovies?

Meredith: (Scrunches her nose.) No! You don't like those either.

John: Maybe I do.

Meredith: No you don't.

John: Maybe you're right! So what will it be?

Meredith: Pepperoni and mushroom.

John: I can deal with that.

The pizza had arrived about an hour later. It was good, but they had a place in Boston that no one could beat. They both ate away, they were starved.

Meredith: I should probably do some shopping on Wednesday. Ya know, since we have no groceries.

John: But you don't cook, Sweetie. (She smacks him.) I really think we should hire some help.

Meredith: What?!

John: You know just to keep the place up, cook a few meals, and do the shopping. It's a big house, and you are going to be very busy with your internship.

Meredith: I don't know, I like the control. I can't imagine having someone in my house. That is weird. We are not those kind of people. For God's sake you grew up in lower middle class home. Not even my Mother had a maid!

John: Well, at least think about it. It would just be easier for both of us.

Meredith: I will, think about it. I need to get to bed. I have work in the morning. Goodnight.

John: Goodnight. (He kisses her on the cheek.)

Meredith heads up to her room, almost forgetting where it was. She pulls the covers back praying that she will fall asleep tonight. With all of the stress from the move, and the job, she doubts that she will. Within ten minutes she was sleeping soundly.

:::DREAM/FLASHBACK:::

Meredith dials her Mother's cellphone number.

Meredith: Mother? (Meredith is bawling.)

Ellis: Yes, Mer.

Meredith: I can't marry John.

Ellis: (Extremely agitated) WHAT? The wedding is in two days!! I didn't pay for all this, for nothing! What is the problem?

Meredith: He...He...I...I caught him, with another woman, in our bed.

Ellis: Oh my gosh. We need to talk about this, meet me at the hospital in the cafeteria, in fifteen minutes.

Meredith: OK... (She is still bawling.)

Meredith is driving way too fast but she is just so upset. She is hoping her Mother will make her feel better. She should have known better.

Ellis: So what's going on? Come on, let's go to my office. You are embarrassing me!

Meredith is still crying heavily. Several nurses and doctors are staring, and Ellis didn't know what to do to calm her daughter. They make it to the office. It is very plain, nothing to make it personal. Typical of Ellis, she has a hard time sharing her emotions. If she had any at all.

Meredith: I can't marry him. He cheated on me!

Ellis: What exactly happened? (Meredith explained how John thought she was having an affair with her gay friend, and out of anger and jealousy picked up a girl in a bar.)

Ellis: Meredith! Suck it up and be a woman! He loves you. You have been with him since grade school. Now he is going to law school. He is smart. He is going to be a top notch attorney. You will not find anyone better who will put up with your shit. You need someone who can provide you with a comfortable lifestyle. I know you think you can make it, but honey, you don't have what it takes to be a surgeon. I don't even think you can make it through med school, you don't have the dedication. If you give him a chance, he can make you happy. He is the right choice, give him another chance!

Meredith: I can't believe you! I thought you would be on my side!

Ellis: I just paid for this wedding. You are going to do this! All of my colleagues are going to be there!

Meredith: (Knowing her Mother is just going to upset her more.) I have to go...

Ellis: I will see you Saturday morning at the church!

_I can't believe she is doing this to me. Maybe she is right. Maybe I can't do better. John was the love of my life and he threw it all away. He couldn't even trust me enough ask me about it before sleeping with someone else._

Meredith goes back to their apartment. John is sitting o the sofa. He eyes are puffy, he had obviously been crying. The curtains were pulled shut, and the room was dark.

John: Mer! You came back. God, I am so sorry. I love you so much...

Meredith: (Puts her hand up) I don't want to hear it. We are getting married on Saturday. (He puts his arms around her and hugs her. Her face is cold and she looks dead inside.)

John: I knew you still loved me. I can make you happy! We will be like we were before.

Meredith: OK...(she feels so betrayed be everyone.)

:::END OF FLASHBACK:::


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

BEEP BEEP BEEP... The alarm is blaring.

_Oh it can't be 4:00am already. God, I fell right asleep, but I don't fee like I slept at all!_

Meredith gets ready for work. She notices a note on the counter:

Mer-

I hope you have a great first day.

Knock them dead...Well maybe that's

not a great idea!!

Love,

John

She smiles. John was always like that, sweet. She grabs some coffee, eats an orange and some oatmeal. John had convinced her to start eating healthier. She used to jog every morning before the move. John didn't have to get up until much later. He doesn't have to meet the Senior partners at the new law firm until 10:00am. She hops in her Jeep, and takes the route that the cab driver took yesterday. She pulls into the lost next to and old white truck/suv similar to her Commander. She laughs at the car next hers, she just loved it. Her husband never understood that about her. She begins walking up to the hospital, and a blond girl walks up from behind her and introduces herself.

The Girl: Hi! I'm Izzie Stevens, I'm an intern. This is my first day. How about you?

Meredith: I'm Meredith Thompson, this is my first day too!

Izzie: I'm so excited, who is your Resident?

Meredith: Bailey, "The Nazi".

Izzie: Mine too, how awesome is that.

Meredith and Izzie continue the small talk until they arrive at the locker room, where the rest of the interns are. She likes Izzie, but she is almost too happy.

Izzie: Hi everyone! I'm Izzie, and this is Meredith, we are both with the Nazi.

George: I am George O'Malley, I've got the Nazi too.

Alex: I'm Alex Karev, I've got the Nazi.

Alex: Who are you, "Miss Friendly"? (He says to a girl who didn't look to friendly.)

Cristina: I'm Cristina Yang. I am here to learn, not to socialize. I've got Bailey.

Meredith liked her. Upfront, honest, and bitter. Just like herself. The interns meet Dr. Bailey who informs them of their tasks, and is well, a Nazi. The interns were going about their day busy as can be. Meredith was getting hungry and hoping she would be able to eat soon.

Bailey: Dr. Thompson!

Meredith: Yes, Dr. Bailey.

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd, our Neuro attending needs an intern. Go find him.

Meredith: OK

Meredith begins searching for Dr. Shepherd. She sees a man standing at the nurses station. He glances over. Their eyes lock. She feels like he is looking into her soul. He gave her a calm feeling, like nothing she had ever felt. Those blue eyes pulled her in like a magnet.

Shepherd: I'm Derek Shepherd. Are you my intern? (He looks into her eyes. She is beautiful. He feels like he has never felt before. Like she was his soul-mate.)

Meredith: Yes, I'm Dr. Thompson. (She can't stop looking into those eyes.)

Their connection is broken when they hear machines rapidly beeping.

Derek: That's our patient. (He explains what is going on as they run in the room. They begin helping the patient, who is coding.)

Nurse: He's stable now.

Derek: Good! Now Dr. Thompson, take him for a full work up and let me now when we get the results.

Meredith: Right away, Sir!

Derek meets up with is friend, and famous plastic surgeon, Mark in the hallway.

Mark: Hey, what's going on? You look distracted.

Derek: I think I just met my soul-mate.

Mark: WHAT? Are you OK? You the man who won't commit? Didn't you say there was "No woman for you."?

Derek: How did you feel when you met Addison?

Mark: Like I met my soul-mate...

Derek: OK then...

Mark: You want to grab a cup of coffee?

Derek: Sure.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I just own the stories in my head!**

Down in the cafeteria all of the other interns are eating their lunch. It is almost 8:00pm. Bailey has all of the first year interns do a 48 hour shift to break them in. Most of them are feeling like the walking dead. They are not used to being on their feet for so long.

George: Man I was starved!

Alex: So who is it?

Izzie: Who is what?

Alex: Which one of you is Ellis Grey's kid? I heard she is an intern this year. I heard Chief Webber talking about it.

Izzie: Not me!

Cristina: Sure is hell isn't me! Do I look like Ellis Grey?

Alex: It has to be Meredith.

George: No, I don't think so.

Cristina: I don't know, she could be. Karev, are you sure?

Izzie: Wouldn't she have said something by now?

Meanwhile a few tables over...

Mark: So who is this girl...your "soulmate"?

Derek: An intern...Thompson is her name.

Mark: So what is she like?

Derek; I don't know, I haven't really had a chance to talk to her. I just looked into her eyes. It was amazing. I was so comfortable like I could just...be.

Mark: What are you on? This is so unlike you, dude.

Derek: I know, I have never felt this way.

Meredith comes walking up.

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Ahhh Dr. Thompson, I'd like you to meet Mark Sloan, he is the head of plastics here. Do you Mr. Johnson's test results?

Meredith: Yes-these are the results. (She hands them over to Derek. Then she shakes Mark's hand.) Nice to meet you, I'm Meredith Thompson.

Mark: Nice to meet you!

Derek: Dr, Thompson, have you eaten lately?

Meredith: No.

Derek: You should if you want to stay on top of your game. The other interns are other there. I will page you when I need you. Thanks!

Meredith: Thank you, Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith to the line to get something to eat, nothing looks good so she buys an apple, an orange and a bottle of water.

Mark: I'm a happily married man but nice...

Derek: I know, she's too young...right?

Mark; Love knows no age. Maybe you should find out more about her, Romeo. I've gotta go.

Derek: I'm going after I finish my coffee.

Meredith joins the other interns.

Alex: So, are you Ellis Grey's kid.

Meredith: No! (angrily) What makes you think that?

Alex: Geez, I overheard the Chief saying that Ellis Grey's kid was an intern this year.

Meredith: Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe she isn't a SURGICAL intern.

Alex: Well, no, I guess not. I just assumed.

Meredith: You assume to much Alex. I've got to go.

Izzie: What was that?

Cristina: I don't know, but I like her. She is all Dark and Twisty. OH! Get ahold of Neuro checking out Thompson!

George: What? He's her boss.

Cristina: That doesn't mean anything.

Alex: I bet he's nailing her within a week.

Izzie: I'll take that action.

Cristina: Me too...

George: You people are sick. I have work to do, so do you! (He walks off.)

Meredith knocks on the Chief's office door.

Dr. Webber: Come in. (Meredith walks in.) Oh, Dr. Grey, how are you?

Meredith: Chief Webber, It's Thompson now. I got married.

Webber: Oh, recently?

Meredith: No, when I was 18.

Webber: Well congratulations! What can I do for you?

Meredith: I don't want any special treatment. I don't want anyone to know who my mother is. I don't want to be known as Ellis Grey's daughter. I need to create my own legacy.

Webber: That is not a problem. I won't say anything. It is refreshing to see someone who isn't out riding their parents wave to make life eaiser.

Meredith: Thanks! I really aprieciate it. See you later.

Webber: No problem. Have a good day.

**I hope I am doing OK. This is my first ever. It has all been thought up, it's just getting it typed and making it interesting. **


	5. Chapter 5

After tending to her patient, Meredith looks for an empty bed in the on call rooms. There aren't any so she goes down to the basement. There are several gurneys, and she decides to crash there. After laying there unable to sleep she decides to call her husband.

John: Uh...Hello?

Meredith: Hey. Sorry it's so late.

John: (affectionately) No problem, I love to wake up to my darling wife calling me at 3:00am! So how is it going?

Meredith: It's great I love it! I don't know when I'll be home. I'm going to try to get some sleep.

John: Love you, see you tomorrow.

Meredith: Goodnight.

Cristina walks up from behind.

Cristina: So who was that? Your boyfriend.

Meredith jumps.

Meredith: You scared the crap out of me! It's none of your business!

Cristina: Boy, you're just a furry ball of friendliness!

Meredith: As are you. So what's your story?

Cristina: We don't have to do the thing.

Meredith: What thing?

Cristina: Where we pretend to be all friendly and get to know each other.

Meredith: I like you.

Cristina: Right back at ya.

Meredith: Pull up a gurney. I'm taking a nap.

Cristina. Don't mind if I do.

Both are trying to sleep, but can't because of all of the excitement.

Cristina: So, you and McDreamy?

Meredith: McWho?

Cristina: McDreamy, Dr. Shepherd. The man who can't take his eyes off of you.

Meredith: What? You're nuts, go to sleep.

Cristina: Oh you know you want him.

Meredith: Goodnight

All of the interns pagers go off.

Meredith: Time for pre-rounds.

Cristina: Oh Joy!

The rest of the shift went on without too much excitement . Everyone was ready to go home. Meredith climbed in her Jeep thanking God that she had gotten some sleep or she never would have been able to drive home. She pulled into her garage at 5:00 am. John wouldn't be getting up until 7:00am. She very quietly walked down the hall and checked in his room. She walked in and kissed him on the forehead like she always does at night when he is unaware. She takes a shower and climbs into bed, never so happy to sleep.

A few months have gone by. Everything has been great. No one knows that Meredith is married or that she is Ellis Grey's daughter. John and Meredith have finally hired a maid to help around the house. Meredith has realized with a house that size and their schedules that it is what they had to do. Meredith loves Mrs. White who is in her 50's. She keeps the house immaculate and is a super cook.

Meredith arrives at work ready to start the day. Bailey walks up and starts handing out assignments.

Bailey: Karev, you're with Sloan; Steven's, she-Sloan; O'Malley, pit; Yang, Oh this is a surprise-Burke, and Thompson you're with Shepherd.

Meredith stops at the nurse's station when Derek sneaks up behind her.

Derek: I have got the biggest surprise for you!

Meredith: (flirty) Oh really?

Derek: Yep.

Meredith: You're not going to tell me, are you?

Derek: Nope. Only that it is a very rare, awesome surgery. You will be scrubbing in on it in an hour.

Meredith: Can't wait.

In the scrub room.

Derek: So were are going to be doing a (Medical, Medical).

Meredith: Oh wow! That is rare. I thought that was the surprise?

Derek: You will see.

They get in the OR and Derek begins explaining the surgery and how complicated it is.

Derek: I have never done this surgery. It has only been done two times successfully.

Just then another surgeon walks into the OR from the scrub room.

Surgeon: So today we will be doing a (Medical, Medical).

Derek has the patient open and Meredith is retracting. She has her back to the surgeon.

Surgeon: So Dr. Shepherd, where is this phenomenal intern that you say you have?

Derek: She's right here. (Meredith turns around.) Dr. Thompson, meet...

Surgeon: Meredith?

Meredith: (shocked, angry, annoyed) Mother...


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. **

Meanwhile up in the gallery.

Alex: Holy shit! Did you hear that. I told you that the chief said that she was here.

Izzie: Why would she lie?

Cristina: (sounding slightly hurt.) I am her person, she didn't even tell me. She was the first one to know about Burke and I.

George: Maybe she has a good reason.

Izzie: Can you imagine being Ellis Grey's daughter? How awesome is that.

Everyone else in the gallery is in total shock and talking amongst themselves. The surgery was a very rare one so the gallery was packed.

Alex: Shhh Shh I want to hear what's going on!

The gallery goes silent.

In the OR:

Ellis: We are going to seperate the (medical from the medical). So how have you been?

Meredith: Did you forget what I said to you 6 years ago? We are not talking about this now.

Ellis: You are so bitter. Did everyone see what I just did? I severed the (medical) and that solved part of the problem. Now I have to cut the (medical). I just don't see what the problem is?

Meredith: MOM! Just stop it. Maybe I don't want the whole hospital knowing. (She glances up at the gallery. Everyone pretends they are occupied. Which is obvious, they are here to watch the surgery.)

Ellis: OK, now we will intersect the (medical).

Derek looks at Meredith knowing that their relationship is very troubled. He is feeling guilty about not telling Meredith that Ellis was the surprise, but he didn't know it would be a problem. Any other doctor in this hospital would be ecstatic about working with Dr. Grey.

Derek: I wonder why they hate each other so much. Whatever it is is huge. Meredith has so many secrets. She doesn't seem to trust anyone. God she is beautiful. I wish she would just open up to me.

The surgery has gone on for several hours and Meredith is getting more and more worried about what her mom is going to say to her. She doesn't want all of her colleagues to know about her past. It is hard enough being an intern, let alone, Ellis Grey's daughter who hates her.

Ellis: I think we've got it. Dr. Shepherd do you want to close him up?

Derek: Sure Dr. Grey.

Ellis walks to the scrub room.

Derek: Meredith, you can go.

Meredith: I'm fine, we aren't finished here.

Derek: You aren't finished there either (He gestures towards the scrub room.) You need to talk to your mother.

Meredith: Excuse me for being unprofessional, but you aren't my father. I don't need to speak to my mother.

All the nurses get wide-eyed.

Derek: Dr. Thompson please leave the OR. You are unable to fully concentrate.

Meredith: Yes- _Dr. Shepherd. (_Meredith goes to the scrub room.)

Ellis: Meredith, you need to get over it.

Meredith: I am not speaking to you.

She dries her hands an begins to open the door. Everyone is watching. Ellis grabs her arm.

Meredith: (Yells.) Get your hands off of me.

Ellis: (She is still holding her arm.) I am so tired of you blaming everyone for your problems.

Meredith: (Meredith pulls away from her.) Not everyone-just you! All my life you have told me I wouldn't amount to anything. I have felt like a failure every day of my life. Well guess what? I've made It, I succeeded, no thanks to you.

Ellis: No thanks to me? I gave birth to you,I raised you, you almost ruined my career.

Meredith: I would have been better off raised by a pack of lions!

Ellis: (Slaps her in the face.) You ungrateful little bitch. I never wanted you! Your father convinced me to keep you. (She points at Meredith.) You are the biggest mistake I have ever made.

Ellis walks out. Meredith just stands there, her mom has just knocked the wind out of her. Everyone scrubs out, walking around Meredith as she continues to stand there unable to move. Everyone has heard what her mother said. A great deal of them losing respect for Ellis. Derek walks up.

Derek: Meredith, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I would have never done that to you on purpose. (He embraces her as she slides to the floor against the wall.) I have lost all respect for Ellis Grey.

Meredith: (Stone cold, but no tears.) Don't, she is a great surgeon, just a rotten person.

Derek has a tear sliding down his cheek. He knows how he would feel if his mother said that to him.

Derek: Meredith, why don't you go home, please. You can face everyone tomorrow. I am sure everyone will be talking about this.

Meredith: Thanks.

Meredith walks to the locker room, not making eye with anyone. She changes into her street clothes. She doesn't do it very often, but tonight she wanted to cry.

**I hope I am doing OK. I had to get you an update, I know I hate waiting!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I Don't own, write or contribute to Grey's Anatomy.**

Meredith wasn't ready to go home. She didn't want to talk to John about it. She decided to go to Joe's. She had been there a few times, and she really needed a drink. As she walked out the doors of the hospital everyone was watching her, pitying her. The Emerald City Bar wasn't that busy. It was about 6:30pm. Most of the other interns wouldn't be leaving the hospital for awhile.

Joe: Hey Mer. You OK?

Meredith: I don't want to talk about it.

Joe: Well, what will it be?

Meredith: Tequila.

Joe pours her a shot and puts the bottle back.

Meredith: No, no, the whole bottle.

Joe: You sure you can handle that?

Meredith: After the day I just had, oh yes.

Joe: OK. (He sets the bottle in front of her.)

Meredith keeps throwing back shot after shot. The bar is getting busier. A man sits down next to her.

Man: Can I buy you a drink?

Meredith: Nope.

Man: Would you like some company?

Meredith: Nope.

Man: OK then. Have a good night. (Her excuses himself.)

The interns from Seattle Grace Hospital come in and see Meredith sitting there. They all join her. Izzie sits next to her and rubs her back.

Izzie: I'm so sorry Mer. Are you OK?

Meredith: I am fine. This is nothing new. I haven't talked to my mother in six years.

Izzie: What happened six years ago?

Meredith: I really don't want to talk about it. I am sure you all heard the real Ellis Grey today. She is a great person. I mean great, loving, kind hearted, a real joy. (She grumbles.)

Cristina: I can't believe you didn't freaking tell me! I thought I was your damn person! What else are you keeping from us?

George: Are you really a secret agent?

Alex: With super powers?

Meredith chuckles. She hopes Cristina will forget that she asked what else she was keeping from them. She didn't want them to know about her failed marriage. They would probably judge her. She was just so tired of being unhappy, and so tired of being angry. She doesn't notice Derek and Preston have also come to Joe's they are in the corner playing darts.

Alex: Well I'm going to play some darts.

George: Me too. (He didn't know how to talk girl, and he figured Meredith was better off talking to Izzie and Cristina.)

Meanwhile over at the dart board:

Derek: I feel so bad for her. Can you believe what Ellis said? I knew she was cold, but my God.

Preston: I never thought I would see that side of her. She went way overboard in there.

Alex: She's damn lucky that Thompson didn't lose it and beat the crap out of her. Hey I wonder why her name is Thompson?

George: It was probably her Dad's last name or Ellis' maiden name. Who knows? What's the difference?

Derek: George, you're probably right.

Back with the girls...

Izzie: Mer, maybe you should slow down a little, you have to work tomorrow!

Meredith: I can handle it. (She was getting a little tipsy.)

Cristina: Iz, leave her alone, she'll be fine. (Cristina wasn't drinking at all.)

After getting no information from Meredith, Izzie and Alex decide to go home, as does George. It is getting late and they all have to work tomorrow. Cristina excuses to herself to play darts will Burke. She knows if Meredith is anything like her, she probably wants to be left alone. Derek come to the bar to talk to Meredith.

Joe: What can I get ya?

Derek: I'll have a double scotch, single malt. (Looks over at Meredith.) Tequila is no good for you, and it's no fun to wake up to in the morning.

Meredith: So I've heard. Are you this nice to all of the interns? I barely know you.

Derek: Nope, only the troubled daughters of Psychotic Surgeons! Besides, to know me is to love me.

Meredith: (Laughs) You encounter a lot of those? Daughters of Psychotic Surgeons.

Derek: No, not really.

Meredith: Are you flirting with me? In a bar?

Derek: Maybe.

Meredith: Class, I like that in a boss.

Derek: You will need a ride home. Do you want me to take you?

Meredith: Nope, I think I can handle it.

Derek: You can't drive in your condition.

Meredith: I'm not silly, I'll get a cab.

Derek: Well, I need to get going.

Meredith: OK, thanks for being so Mc Dreamy.

Derek:. Mc Dreamy?

Meredith: Oh you weren't supposed to know that. You're Mc Dreamy.

Derek: Is that a good thing?

Meredith: Yep, I think so. Goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight. (Puts his hand on her shoulder)

Meredith is surprised. She feels something every time he touches her. Like sparks. I am married I should not feel this way! She downs a few more shots and the alcohol has really taken it's toll on her. Cristina and Burke are finishing up their dart game and getting ready to go home. Cristina walks up to Meredith and realizes she is getting severely impaired.

Meredith: Joe, can you call me a cab? (Joe looks at Cristina.)

Cristina: Mer, I don't think you should take a cab. I will drive you home. (No one is sure where she lives and they do not want her to be attacked getting into her home. Besides, she can barely walk.)

Meredith: No, no I will be fine.

Cristina: I insist, I will drive your car, and take a cab home. (Burke and Cristina had driven together that morning.)

Burke: Meredith please let Cristina drive you, it would make us all feel better.

Meredith: OK, fine.

She handed Cristina her keys. Cristina and Burke help Meredith walk to the hospital parking lot. As they get to the car Cristina a Burke are both thinking the same thing: How does Meredith afford this new car. With all of the student loans and the minimal intern pay it can't be easy.

Burke: You got it?

Cristina: Yeah. I will call a cab when I get there. See you in a little bit.

Cristina: So how do we get to your house?

Meredith starts giving her directions and Cristina follows them pretty soon they are arriving at the gates of a very high class community. Cristina is hoping Meredith gave her the right directions. Cristina rolls down the window.

Guard: Hello Dr. Thompson.

Cristina: I'm her designated driver. (He smiles and opens the gate. Meredith points her in the direction of the biggest mansion in the development.)

Cristina: Holy Shit Meredith. You're freaking rich?

Meredith: Well, I guess so.

Cristina pulls the Jeep into the garage. She helps Meredith out of the car and into the house. Mrs. White comes down the stairs. Cristina is an awe over the house.

Mrs. White: Oh, Dr. Thompson, are you OK. (To Cristina.) Hello, I'm Mrs. White. I am the housekeeper.

Cristina: I'm Cristina, Meredith's friend from work. She has had a bit too much to drink tonight.

Meredith: Cristina, can you please help me to my room?

Cristina: Of course.

Mrs. White: Oh...Meredith. Mr. Thompson said he would'nt be home for another hour.

Cristina: Mr. Thompson? Meredith is married??)

Meredith: (Sarcasticaly.) Oh great. Goodnight Mrs. White. Thanks.

Cristina helps her to her room.

Cristina: So when were you going to tell me that you are married?

Meredith lays down in her bed and starts bawling. Cristina digs out her cellphone.

Cristina: (Whispering) It's me. I won't be home tonight. She is a mess. I love you too. Goodnight.

Cristina lays down next to Meredith, who is still bawling. She just starts spilling it all, telling Cristina everything, about John, her mother, everything. Cristina just lays there and listens, so glad that Meredith is finally opening up, knowing that she is HER person.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith had finally passed out after over an hour of talking. Cristina was just laying in her bed contemplating whether or not to leave. She figured she might as well stay and make sure Meredith gets up in the morning. Just as she was falling asleep, she heard Meredith's door open. A man who she presumed was John walked up and leaned towards her.

Cristina: What the hell?!

John: Oh shit, I thought you were my wife! Sorry.

Cristina: I'm Cristina, her friend from work. I brought her home from Joe's.

John: Is she OK?

Cristina: She will be, but she is going to have a monster hangover tomorrow.

John: What happened? She never gets drunk unless it's bad.

Cristina: Her mother.

John: No need to say more... Thanks for bringing her home. Nice to meet you.

Cristina: You too. (He exits the room and closes the door.) He seems like a nice guy.

Cristina wakes up to her cell phone alarm going off. She had set it last night because she didn't want to bother with Meredith's. She is dreading waking Meredith up. She knows she is going to be really sick today.

Cristina: Meredith, MEREDITH! Get up.

Meredith: Ohhh God, kill me please. (She starts to sit up, and her head begins to throb.) Oh shit! (She runs to the bathroom to vomit.)

After a few minutes she emerges from the bathroom.

Meredith: Take a shower, you stink! There is one in the guest room across the hall. I have an extra set of scrubs or you can borrow some of my clothes.

Cristina: I don't stink! I do have to take a shower, or I will never wake up. Hey, I met your husband last night!

Meredith: What? Why was he in here?

Cristina: Like I know. I'm going to take a shower then I need some coffee.

Meredith: If you get done before me, the coffee is in the cabinet above the coffee pot.

Cristina: OK.

Cristina gets out of the shower. She puts on the extra set of clothes Meredith got out for her. She looks over and sees that Meredith is still in her room, probably puking her guts out. She hears some sounds coming from downstairs and decides to check it out, and make the coffee while she's at it. When she arrives downstairs, she sees John making breakfast.

John: I hope you're hungry! I made bacon, eggs, and toast. Oh, and there is coffee in the pot over there.

Cristina: Thanks! I don't think Mer will be up to eating this morning. (She laughs.)

John: I've got that covered.

Cristina: So do you make Meredith breakfast everyday? (She sips her coffee.)

John: No, she gets up way before I do. Usually Mrs. White makes her breakfast. She was up worrying about Meredith last night so I told her she could sleep in this morning.

Cristina: So what do you do for a living?

John: I am an attorney with Collins, Thompson, and Birmingham.

Cristina: Oh, that's nice. Meredith doesn't talk much about her personal life.

John: She never has.

Meredith comes downstairs and hears her name. She hopes John isn't making Cristina uncomfortable talking about the past. She isn't sure that she should have told Cristina everything. She is hoping she doesn't regret it.

Meredith: Are you guys talking about me?

Cristina: Of course Mer, you are the talk of the town. (She and John both laugh.)

Meredith: I will be at the hospital today. John-did you make me your famous drink?

John: Of course. (He hands her a cup of something that looks like smashed peas.)

Meredith: Thanks. (She looks at Cristina.) I don't know what is in it, I probably don't want to know, but it sobers me up and controls the vomiting.

John: Breakfast is served. (He hands Cristina a plate of food.)

Cristina: Looks great.

John: So Mer what time are you going to be home tonight?

Meredith: Probably around 11:00pm. I am off tomorrow. What about you?

John: I will be home at 6:00pm. I've got court at 9:00am this morning. I'm going to go take a shower. Cristina is was a pleasure meeting you.

Cristina: You too.

Cristina finishes up her breakfast, and puts her dishes into the sink. Meredith yells at her to hurry up or they will be late. Then they get into the car. Cristina is looking at all of the houses and they drive through the development. Meredith and John's house was by far the largest.

Cristina: So John, he seems nice... for a cheating bastard.

Meredith: (She was surprised that she felt offended.) Yeah... Hey please don't tell anyone anything I told you last night, OK?

Cristina: Seriously? That is the best gossip ever!

Meredith: CRISTINA!

Cristina: I won't, don't worry. But seriously your husband is pretty damn nice. Maybe you were a little hard on him. It's been over 6 years. What are you going to do about McDreamy? He is in love with you. You should see him when you walk in the room.

Meredith: I don't want to talk about it.

Cristina: Well, maybe you just need a little tequila. (She laughs hysterically.)

Meredith: Funny. Thanks for taking me home last night.

Cristina: And we were worried that you lived in a bad neighborhood! Definatley not the case. So your husband is an attorney. He is obviously a good one. If you are so unhappy, why don't you divorce him?

Meredith: We live comfortably. He is really good. I always knew he would be, he wanted to be since he was a kid. (A smile creeps across her face.)

Cristina: You still love him!

Meredith: What? NO!

Cristina: Then why don't you divorce him?

Meredith: Did anyone ever tell you that you are a pain in the ass?

Cristina: All the time. (They arrive at the hospital.) So you know everyone is going to be asking me questions...

Meredith: What ever you do, don't tell them about John, OK?

Cristina: Yeah, yeah.

Izzie and George notice Cristina and Meredith getting out of the same car. The walk over to Meredith's car to get the scoop.

Izzie: So you have to be feeling like crap. I have never seen anyone drink that much tequila.

Meredith: I am OK.

Cristina: Yeah, she's got that drink that Jo-- just grosses me out. (She almost mentioned John, and Meredith gives her a look.)

Izzie: What is it?

Meredith: Just an old family recipe.

Izzie: Oh... So did you stay at Mer's last night, Cristina?

Cristina: Yeah, I just wanted to make sure she made it up in the morning. Oh by the way Mer, my step-brother Matt is going to stop by the hospital today, you'll have to join me in my torture. He is here on vacation.

Meredith: OK. I can do that.

The day was busy. There were a ton of cases, they were never not busy. Meredith didn't see Cristina most of the day. She was hoping that Cristina wasn't talking to everyone about her secrets. Cristina was a good friend, she doubted that she was. Meredith was on a case with Derek, and they had surgery in an hour he had her running tests.

Derek: So Dr. Thompson how would you like to assist in the surgery today? I think you are ready, you are a gifted surgeon. So you look like you're feeling pretty good after last night?

Meredith: I am feeling pretty fine.

Derek: That's good. Are you going to Joe's tonight?

Meredith: I'm thinking that's a big noooo.

Derek: (Chuckles) I expect not. Too bad, I was hoping to talk to you again, outside of work.

Meredith: Maybe when last night is far out of my mind.

Derek: Why don't you prep Mr. Jackson for surgery?

Meredith: Right away.

During surgery Derek keeps glancing at Meredith and smiling. She noticed it, but she didn't let him know. She was begining to have feelings for Derek. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help it. There was a connection between them and there was no denying it, she was falling for him...hard. The others were watching from the gallery.

George: Do you see that? He's her boss!

Alex: Dude, he is so into her.

Izzie: Do you think she even knows it?

Alex: Yeah...hopefully the patient doesn't catch on fire, with the all of the sparks flying in there.

Izzie: I think it's sweet, he looks like a lovelorn high schooler. I don't see any problem with it. (Christina walks in.)

Cristina: What are you guys talking about?

Izzie: Just Mer and Shepherd.

Cristina: Oh.

Izzie: So do you think she likes him?

Cristina: Oh..I don't know.

George: So you stayed at Mer's last night. What was that like? Where does she live?

Cristina: I just got her to bed when we got there. She lives on Berkshire Ln.

Alex: No shit? She's freaking loaded. That's where Dr. Hudson lives. I wonder where she got the money.

George: Definetly not from her mother! Is the house nice?

Cristina: Yeah, it is.

Izzie: I would have never guessed!

Alex: Me either!

Cristina: Well don't bring it up to Mer, I think she is embarrassed about it. (She didn't want Meredith to have to think up something on the spot.)

They didn't even realize that the surgery was over. They left the gallery and found Meredith in the hallway talking to Derek. She was laughing and looking pretty in love. As they walked up Cristina's cell phone rang.

Cristina: (On the phone.) Hey. Yeah I'll be out there in a minute. That was my brother he's outside at the tables. Let's grab some lunch.

They all head to the cafeteria and grab their lunches and head outside. She spots Cristina's brother at a table. They walk over to meet him. As they sit down Meredith notices something familiar about him.

Cristina: Matt, this is Izzie, George, Alex, and Meredith. (Then it dawns on her.)

Matt: (Points at Meredith.) Hey, I know you...You're the "Hot, smart, failing loveless marriage" chick. I met you on the plane going from Chicago to Seattle in October.

George: (spits out his soda.) Meredith, You're MARRIED?


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith has a 'deer in the headlights' look on her face. Oh my God. What am I going to do now?

Alex: You're married?

Izzie: Seriously?

Cristina: No! Matt, you are not thinking of the same person. That was probably a different Meredith. Meredith isn't married! Geez you guys.

Meredith: No, Cristina. Yes, I am married. I didn't want to have everyone know my personal life. I just want to come to work and work. Why is that such a damn problem?

Izzie: Meredith, we're your friends. We would never judge you. Well, maybe Alex would. Alex, get out of here.

Alex: What? I can keep a secret, besides this is way too good to not hear.

George: How long have you been married?

Meredith: I really don't want to talk about it right now, OK?

Alex: Why? We want the dirt, come on! Come on, come on... There is nothing else to talk about in this damn hospital.

Izzie: Alex leave her alone!

Meredith: NO, IT'S FINE. I MEAN, LET'S JUST LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN UNHAPPILY MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS, BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAD AN AFFAIR THE NIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING DAY! (She was yelling, no one else was around, but if they were, they would have heard it. She was begining to cry a little. Her pager went off.) Oh shoot, I have to go. Matt, it was nice seeing you again.

Matt: You too.

Izzie: Mer, are you OK.

Meredith: (She was jogging away.) I'm fine.

Cristina: Nice, you guys, nice...

Alex: What?

Cristina: You pushed her over the edge, she didn't want to talk about it.

George: Well now we know why she is so bitter.

Izzie: You would be too. Why the hell did she marry him?

Cristina: Why do you think?

Izzie: It had something to do with Ellis, didn't it?

Cristina: I'm not saying anymore, but, yep.

Izzie: Now I really hate Ellis Grey.

Alex: So what is Thompson's husband like?

George: What does he look like?

Cristina: Oh, about 6' tall, dark brown hair, green eyes...he's McGorgeous.

Izzie: McGorgeous? Should you be calling your best friend's husband that?

Cristina: Well, he is. He's pretty damn nice.

George: So he bout the McMansion?

Cristina: I think so. He's an attorney. I'm sorry, Matt we are supposed to be entertaining you.

Matt: It's fine. At least I know who you're talking about. They really don't get along. It's a shame too, they are a hot couple. They argued about everything on the plane.

The interns kept talking about Meredith and John. Speculating about everything. But they all decided not to say anything about it to anyone else. It took some time to convince Alex, but Izzie said she would withhold sex. He changed his tune rather quickly then.

Mark and Derek are standing at the coffee cart talking.

Mark: So how is it going with your soulmate?

Derek: Funny. I am going to ask her today. To go out, on a date.

Mark: Taking the big step, huh? It's taken you long enough!

Derek: Well... (He gets paged.) Shoot, that's my patient in recovery. (Meredith runs by and he runs right after her. They get there and the patient is in trouble.)

Derek: I think we are going to have to open him back up. Meredith, I will need you to scrub in. Are you free?

Meredith: Yes.

In the OR:

Derek: So Dr. Thompson, where did you go to college?

Meredith: I graduated in the top of my class at Dartmouth.

Derek: That's impressive. Did you know you wanted to come to Seattle Grace for your internship?

Meredith: Yes, this is where my mother did hers. I would like to top her someday. She can't work forever. (She smiles and evil grin. Derek returns that evil grin.)

Derek: I don't think that will take you long. OK, I think we've got it.

In the scrub room:

Derek: So what are you doing tomorrow night?

Meredith: I'm off, so, nothing.

Derek: I was wondering, I mean if you want to, maybe we could, Meredith would you like to go out on a date with me?

Meredith: Derek...I can't. (She says quietly and slowly.)

Derek: If it's the chief, I don't that will be a problem. He know about Burke and Yang.

Meredith: It's not the Chief, Derek...I'm married.


	10. Chapter 10

Derek: (Shocked and saddened.) You're married... I'm sorry I didn't know. I've never seen a ring, you've never talked about it.

Meredith: Derek, I'm sorry. It's complicated.

Derek: It's OK, I have to go...(he had to get out of there, he felt like he had been punched in the stomach.)

Derek rushes out of the scrub room and runs into Mark around the corner.

Mark: So, did you ask her?

Derek: (Grumbles.) Yeah.

Mark: Do what did she say?

Derek: Oh, only that she's married.

Mark: What?

Derek: Yeah, just my freaking luck. I finally meet someone who is a amazing, and she's married. She is the only girl I could ever see myself settling down with. I just can't believe this.

Mark: That would explain the last name. Why doesn't she talk about him. Maybe their marriage is shit. You might have a chance.

Derek: No, the only kind of man who messes around with a married woman is an asshole, and I am no asshole!

Mark: You're right. She probably has her reasons. You should at least stay friends with her. She probably feels bad enough as it is.

Derek: Well, I can't see her right now. I have to go. I have a consult.

Mark: It will work out. I know it doesn't feel that was. It just wasn't meant to be. See you later.

Meredith begins to chase after Derek, and then she sees him talking to Mark, she decide to leave him alone. She could tell he was upset, and she didn't want to make it worse. She decides to go find Cristina, she would make her feel better. After searching, she found Cristina marking charts at the nurses station.

Meredith: You are my person, right?

Cristina: That's what I've heard. Why, what's wrong?

Meredith: Derek asked me out.

Cristina: Oh shit.

Meredith: I told him I was married. He looked like I ran over his puppy. Damn John, damn him.

Cristina: So you finally admit you have feelings for McDreamy?

Meredith: Damn-it! Yes, I do. I don't know why! I am married.

Cristina: Unhappily. Why don't you just get a divorce?

Meredith: John is my life, I have been with him so long...

::FLASHBACK::

Lois: Meredith, you look so beautiful. You are going to be married today, to my son. This is one of the happiest days of my life! I always knew you two were meant to be together. Meredith, I couldn't love you anymore more than if I had given birth to you myself. In my heart, you are my daughter. Thank you for being you, and thank you for making my son the happiest man on earth.

Meredith smiles at her, halfheartedly. She is still broken up about finding John in bed with that girl. Lois practically raised her. Her mother was never around, so she pretty much lived at Lois' house growing up. She could never tell Lois what John did, it would crush her.

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Cristina: Meredith?

Meredith: Yeah?

Cristina: Where the hell were you?

Meredith: The past...

Cristina: What? Never mind. Like I was saying. You are the only one who can make yourself happy. You really need to decide what the hell you are going to do. Besides, you are no spring chicken.

Meredith: Thanks! Now I feel great. (Sarcastically.)

Cristina: I have to go...see you later.

Meredith: Bye.

Meredith decides that she does need to talk to Derek. Even if he is mad at her. She needs to explain to him what is going on. She sees Derek standing at the end of the hallway. They lock eyes, and she feels that feeling in her stomach. The one that only makes her have. She starts to walk towards him, and he rushes into a patient's room. She couldn't talk to him in there. Just as she was waiting for him in the hall, she heard the nazi coming.

Bailey: Thompson! What the hell are you doing? Are you getting paid to daydream. I don't think so! Get you ass to the pit. There are sutures that need to be done.

Meredith: Right away. (Derek walks by while she is talking to Bailey, knowing she can't follow him.) I am going there now.

Meredith starts heading towards the pit. The same direction that Derek was heading.

Meredith: Der-, Dr. Shepherd! (He hears her but keeps going. She knew she had to get to the pit. She wasn't giving up this fast.)

All day Derek was avoiding Meredith like the plague. Meredith was off in an 10 minutes, as she was heading towards the elevator, she saw Derek. He saw her, and he was willing the elevator door to shut. He wasn't ready for her yet. She ran up and squeezed between the doors before they shut. He just looks and her with hurt in his eyes, then drops his head. Meredith pushes the emergency stop button.

Meredith: So, I have this crazy feeling you have been trying to avoid me all day.

Derek: Oh yeah?

Meredith: Derek...

Derek: Meredith...

Meredith: I'm sorry I never told you. It's complicated.

Derek: That's what I've heard.

Meredith: I've been married for six years, the night before the wedding, he decides to screw some girl he met at a bar. All because he thought I was having an affair with my gay friend.

Derek: Then why did you marry him?

Meredith: He is all I have ever known. I don't remember not being with him. I grew up at his house. He was my first real boyfriend. His mother was more of my mother than the one that gave birth to me. I couldn't bare to tell his mother what happened and my mom told me to get while the getting is good because I would never amount to anything. He hurt me bad, worse than anyone in this world, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't call off the wedding. We have been unhappy for so long, I don't know what happy is anymore. I'm sorry Derek. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I would be lying if I said I had no feelings for you, but I can't do anything about it right now.

Derek: Oh Meredith, I'm so sorry. No one should live their life without being happy. I'm not saying you should get a divorce, but things aren't going to fix themselves. I am here for you, as a friend.

Meredith hugs Derek. She loves him, and it's unexplainable. She didn't even know him that well. It didn't really matter, she felt like she's known him a lifetime. She knew exactly what she had to do...

Meredith pulled into the garage. She was finally going to do it. She had grown, she was ready, nothing could stop her. John was sitting at the kitchen table eating the dinner that Mrs. White had made them. She sat down and started putting food on her plate. She looked up at John. The face that had been so familiar to her, her comfort, her life.

Meredith: John, I want a divorce.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

The house was quiet. The only light on was in the dining room. She couldn't believe she said it. Was it the right decision? Did she rush into it? John took a bite of his dinner. He slowly chewed his food. Once he swallowed, he looked up at Meredith.

John: OK.

Meredith: OK?

John: Yeah, OK. But I do have one condition...

Meredith: What would that be? (Thinking this is too easy. How can he not be more upset. She thought he would be devastated.)

John: You date, for two months, a minimum of 8 dates.

Meredith: Seriously? You want me to date?

John: Seriously. For two months. I want you to make sure this is really what you want. If at the end of the two months you still want a divorce, it's yours. I will give you whatever you want, the house, the money, everything.

Meredith: John, that's just too weird. I can't do that.

John: Mer, you know I love you, and I want you to be happy. This is all I want, I want you to be sure.

Meredith: OK, fine. I will start dating. (She lets out a weak smile,)

John: (Finishes chewing another bite of food.) Oh, by the way, Mom is coming to stay in two weeks.

Meredith: Oh my God. When were you going to tell me?

John: I just did.

Meredith: You can't tell her about the possible divorce!

John: Why? She will find out if we get divorced.

Meredith: Please, it will crush her.

John: She's my mom, believe me, I know! I won't say anything. I wouldn't have the heart to. But you do know what this means.

Meredith: Oh crap...

John: Yep...

Meredith & John Together: We're going to have to sleep in the same bed.

Meredith: Well, aren't you a lucky man!

John: I think we are going to have to give Mrs. White a two week paid vacation.

Meredith: I think you're right. Mom will never be able to handle someone else running the house! (They both laugh.) So what are your plans for the rest of the week?

John: Actually, I have to go To New York to meet a client. I will be back on Sunday night. What's going on with you?

Meredith: I am off from tomorrow, until Monday. They are cutting back on our hours this month for a study. They are seeing if patient care improves. So it looks like it's just me and this big lonely house!

John: Have fun. Why don't you have some of your friends come over?

Meredith: Maybe I will...

John: Well, I have to go to bed, I have a flight early in the morning.

Meredith: Goodnight. As he walks by, he kisses her on top of the head.

Meredith took a long hot shower before going to bed. As she laid her head on the pillow all she could think about was how easily John took it. Maybe he knew it was coming. Maybe he was having an affair. No, she knew her would never do that. Maybe he was just as unhappy. Maybe he didn't love her anymore. It didn't matter, she was finally going to be able to be free.

Meredith woke up around 10:00am. She had no idea what she was going to do. She hadn't had a day off in so long, she couldn't remember when it was. She got dressed in her favorite pair of jeans and a nice sweater. When she got downstairs, Mrs. White was making her favorite breakfast, fruit and cream cheese filled crepes.

Mrs. White: How are you this morning, Mrs. Thompson.

Meredith: Please, call me Meredith. Mrs. Thompson makes me feel old an married. No offense.

Mrs. White: None taken, I am old and widowed. So what are your plans for the day?

Meredith: I don't really know. I haven't had a day off in so long. Oh by the way, how would you like a two week paid vacation?

Mrs. White: Oh, I don't need that!

Meredith: Believe me you do. Mrs. Thompson, John's mother is going to be visiting. She rules the roost. We appreciate you working here, but she enjoys being in charge.

Mrs. White: You don't have to pay me. If I'm not working, I don't need to be paid. I understand how she feels. I have always been the same way when I visit my children. Oh by the way, could it be possible to take the next few days off, my grandchild is sick, and her parents have to work.

Meredith: No problem. We insist on the paid vacation! Thank you for the breakfast, it was wonderful! Now I have to figure out what I am going to do with myself.

Meredith spent the day shopping. She bought some new sheets for John's mom's stay at the house. She found some nice new throw pillows and things to decorate the house. After that she went to her favorite little cafe that was close to the hospital. Ash she was scanning the menu, she noticed Izzie walking by on the street. She knocked loudly on the glass, and everyone noticed, including Izzie. She apologized to everyone else in the restaurant. Izzie walked in and sat down.

Meredith; This is perfect timing! Why don't you join me?

Izzie: Oh thanks! So what are you doing with all of your free time?

Meredith: Going crazy.

Izzie: Me too.

Meredith: The house is going to be so lonely. John is going out of town on business, and Mrs. White had to take the next few days off.

Izzie: Oh poor you! Alone in your mansion.

Meredith: Thanks, Iz! (She says sarcastically.)

Izzie: You know what we should do?

Meredith: What?

Izzie: We should have a slumber party!

Meredith: I've never been to one.

Izzie: What? You have never been to a slumber party?

Meredith: No, I haven't.

Izzie: So what do you think?

Meredith: Let's do it. Saturday night.

Izzie: Oh my gosh! This is going to be great.

Meredith and Izzie chatted about the slumber party. They decided that they were going to invite Cristina, George and Alex too. It would be so fun in Meredith's huge house, and a great way to get to know one another even better.

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This wasn't the most exciting chapter, but the next one should be good. I hope you guys are enjoying it. I love getting the reviews, every time I see one, I get inspired to write more. Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gray's Anatomy, I wish I did.**

Meredith and Izzie spent the buying supplies for the slumber party. Izzie was so excited, she loved to spend time with her friends. Meredith was thinking it would be pretty fun, she didn't have anymore huge secrets, so she was free to be herself. George eagerly agree to come. Izzie had to work on Alex. He said if it was all you can drink he was in, but he was really coming to spend time with Izzie. Meredith had a hard time convincing Cristina. Meredith enticed Cristina with her mom's surgery videos. She promised her she could watch whatever ones she wanted.

Meredith was exausted after spending the day shopping, she couldn't wait to get home. She remembered that Mrs. White wouldn't be there to cook dinner, so she needed to stop and get something. She decided to stop at her favorite Italian restaurant and get some ravioli to go. When she got home the house was so quiet. She turned on some lights and music and dined by herself in the kitchen.

Meredith- I don't know what I will do when I don't have John around anymore. I guess I don't really see him that much with work anyhow. He was always my best friend, after he is gone, Cristina will have to work overtime.

After eating her dinner she decided to catch up on some reading in the family room. After about 20 minutes she fell sound asleep, with the book in her hands.

::FLASHBACK/DREAM::

Ray is Ellis' current boyfriend, he is also an anesthesiologist at the hospital where Ellis works in Chicago. Ray has made it clear to Ellis that he never wanted children, and that he was not going to raise Meredith. He had been making sexual remarks towards Meredith for a while now, but he had never touched her. Lately however her has been getting grabby and more explicit. She was getting worried about being alone with him.

Ray: Mer honey, you are getting a little chunky. (He pokes her in the stomach.) You aren't aloud to lose that sexy little body of yours.

Meredith: Don't touch me! (She swats his hand away.)

Ray: Geez, What is your problem? Not to mention your ass is getting a little big. (He squeezes it.)

Meredith: (Smacks him in the face.) Don't fucking touch me! (She begins to walk away.)

Ray: Where do you think you're going? (Ray grabs Meredith from behind and throws her on the couch.) We were just starting to have some fun. (He begins to kiss her. He pulls up her shirt. She knows what his intentions are.)

Meredith: Please don't do this! Please! (She is crying.)

Ray: Oh come on, you won't be disappointed. I know you're screwing with that boyfriend of yours, what's the difference? (He began to unbutton his pants.)

Meredith: Oh God. (She keeps crying. Then with all her might she begins kicking and screaming. She manages to knee him pretty hard and he gets off of her.)

Ray: You crazy bitch!

Meredith: (She grabs a big candle stick holder.) If you ever try to touch me again I will kill you. Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? (She yells.)

Ray: Yes, yes! Please don't tell your mom. I don't know what came over me.

Meredith runs up to her room with her candlestick holder and locks the door. She hides in her closet, pulling her knees up to her chest, and cries. She hears Ray leave after awhile but she can't make herself get up. After a few hours she hears Ellis' car pull into the garage. She has to tell her mom, he has to go, she can't be around him another minute. Meredith slowly walked down the stairs making sure Ray was gone.

Ellis: Where is Ray?

Meredith: Oh God, mom. (She begins crying.) He---He tried to rape me. He has been making me uncomfortable for awhile, I was afraid to tell you. Please don't let him come back. Please, I'm so scared...

Ellis: WHAT? He left? I knew this would happen eventually. I just knew it. The way you walk around here. He didn't try to rape you, you were trying to steal him from me, weren't you?

Meredith: No mom! I would never do that!

Ellis: Meredith, you are a liar. I have to call him, you need to apologize.

Meredith: I won't stay here with him. It's him or me.

Ellis: I choose him. You are going to have to learn that everything isn't your way all of the time.

Meredith runs upstairs crying. She begins frantically packing her bags. She only has one place to go, her boyfriend John's. She runs down the stairs and grabs her keys. Ellis just watches her leave. Meredith can barely see to drive through all of the tears. She pulls up to John's mom's modest two bedroom home. She rings the doorbell, it is 9:00pm and Lois is in her pajamas. Meredith just looks at her and bursts into tears.

Lois: Mer-honey what's wrong? (Her face is full of concern.) Here, come in, sit down.

Meredith explains everything that has just happened, and Lois listens like a mother should. Lois cannot believe what she is hearing. She is enraged. Lois is the type of person who is quiet, sweet, caring and never cursed.

Lois: That fucking bastard. I will kill him! (Meredith looks at her in shock.) And your MOTHER, that rotten excuse of a human being, she doesn't deserve you! We need to call the police, you're only 16 years old!

Meredith: No! Please! I can't take it right now. I just can't.

Lois: It's up to you. I won't pressure you. This isn't right. You are staying here. You can stay in the basement. You are not going back to that house. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Meredith: Thank you...

Lois: Meredith you are like a daughter to me, I love you. No thank you is needed.

Meredith just cries in her arms. John takes off his headphones and thinks he hears crying. He walks in to see Meredith in his mother's arms. He isn't sure what is going on, but he knows it isn't good. His heart feels like it is breaking, just listening to her be so upset. He sits on the other side of her. They both hold her while she cries.

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Meredith wakes up and she is crying. She hated reliving that part of her life. She had shut is out for so long it was almost like it didn't ever happen. Now it was back and she couldn't deal with it. She ran upstairs and started a hot bath. She grabs the phone, it was 1:00am in Chicago, but she knew it wouldn't matter. She dialed Lois' number.

Lois: Hello? (She sounds tired.)

Meredith: Mom... (She begins to cry.) I had a dream... about that night.

Lois: Oh Meredith, (Her voice full of love and compassion.) It's going to be OK.

She talked to her until she had calmed down. She finally went to bed relaxed and feeling OK. Hoping she could shut that night back out of her mind forever.

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For me, that was intense. I really don't like writing about that stuff. It needed to be done so you would understand the connection that Meredith has with John and Lois, and the hatred she has for Ellis.


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith didn't wake up until noon on Saturday. She had talked on the phone with Lois for hours. Lois was always able to calm Meredith down when she was upset. Meredith went downstairs in her pajamas to get some coffee. She was looking around the house knowing that after the divorce she wouldn't be living there anymore. The house was quiet, she was getting the creeps. She hadn't been able to get the memory of Ray off of her mind. Usually she could just block it out, but for some reason she was having a hard time doing it. Suddenly she heard her cell phone beep, she had voicemail. She picked up her phone and listened to the messages.

John: Hey Mer, it's me. I've been trying to call the house phone for hours, I hope everything is OK. Give me a call back when you get a chance.

John: Mer, I'm really getting worried, please call me.

John: What is going on? I hope you are OK.

Izzie: Hey Mer! It's me, Izzie. I am so excited about the slumber party! Call me when you get a chance.

Cristina: Barbie has already called me about this damn party. Call me and tell me what time I have to be there.

Meredith laughed at Cristina's message. She had never known anyone like Cristina. She was her best friend in the whole world, right next to John. They were complete opposites, which made them both great at giving advice. She decided she should call John, she knew he would be worried about her. She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table:

John: Mer, are you OK? I was so worried about you!

Meredith: I'm OK. I just got up. I just had a bad night. So I called mom.

John: What happened?

Meredith: I had a dream, about Ray. (She whimpers.) I'm OK now.

John: Did you see him? Where is he, I'll kill him?!

Meredith: I just had a flashback. I'm OK, mom made me feel better. I'm sorry I made you worry last night.

John: It's OK. So is everything else OK?

Meredith: Yeah. Hey my other line is beeping, I'll talk to you later, OK? (She was lying, she just didn't feel like talking right now.)

John: I love you! See you later.

Meredith: Bye.

Meredith just sat at the kitchen table drinking her coffee, in a trance. She was now wishing that she hadn't planned the slumber party. She just wasn't in the mood. She sat there for a long time. Suddenly her cell phone rang, breaking her trance.

Meredith: Hello?

Cristina: So what time do I have to be there?

Meredith: (Lets out a long sigh.) Oh about 5. Everyone else is coming at 6.

Cristina: So I am the lucky one who gets to come early.

Meredith: Hey, you're my person, quit whining!

Cristina: Are you OK? You don't sound so great.

Meredith: No, I'm not, but I will be.

Cristina: Well, Preston wants me to meet him at the hospital for lunch. I will see you later.

Meredith: See you.

Meredith dialed Izzie's number.

Izzie: Hello?

Meredith: Hey Iz. It's Mer. I just got your message.

Izzie: Oh hey! I picked up some more stuff for the party! I am so excited! We're meeting at 6 right?

Meredith: Yep.

Izzie: This is going to be great. I am going to get some movies. Do you have any requests?

Meredith: What ever you pick will be fine. Do you need my address?

Izzie: Oh, that would probably be nice!

Meredith: It's 3535 Berkshire Ln.

Izzie: OK, I will call the others and let them know. See you tonight.

Meredith: Bye!

Meredith spent most of the day just lazing around. She straightened up the house a little and made sure all of the guest rooms had clean sheets and fresh linens in the bathrooms. She was doing anything to try to get herself out of the funky mood she was in. Around 2 o'clock she decided to go out to the backyard and read her book in the hammock. She had only been in the backyard a few times since they had moved in. It was a very large yard with a stone wall all the way around it and beautiful landscaping. She was really enjoying the warm weather and the sun that is rarely seen in Seattle. As she was getting into her book when her cell phone rang. It was a number that she didn't know.

Meredith: Hello?

Derek: Meredith-It's Derek. I hope that it is OK that I called, Cristina gave me the number.

Meredith: No problem. How's it going?

Derek: Good. I'm calling because I have a (Medical Surgery.) on Monday.

Meredith: Wow! That's rare! Why aren't you doing a (Alternate Medical Surgery.)?

Derek: My patient's vessels are wrapped in such a way that I can't do the (Alternate Medical Surgery.) So I have to do the (Medical Surgery.) Ellis was one of the only successful surgeons to do it. I looked in the medical library and I can't find a tape of it being done. Cristina says you have an extensive library and I was wondering if you have it?

Meredith: I think I do have that one! Do you have a second? I will run in a and see.

Derek: Sure. I can wait.

Meredith: I was out in the hammock enjoying the weather. I never get to do that anymore. I just love being outside.

Derek: Me too. I love to camp. Do you?

Meredith: I haven't in so long, but yes- I love it! Wait, yes I do have that tape, when do you need it?

Derek: Well, I could pick it up tonight if you don't mind. I have the surgery on Monday, and you aren't scheduled until then.

Meredith: Sure, that's not a problem. My address is 3535 Berkshire Ln. What time will you be by?

Derek: Probably around 7:30pm. Is that OK?

Meredith: Sure, see you then!

Meredith was surprised he knew that she wasn't working. He had obviously checked to see when she was scheduled. She was actually excited that Derek was coming over tonight. She got butterflies in her stomach every time she saw him. In no time at all Cristina was at Meredith's door. Meredith heard the doorbell and ran to answer it.

Cristina: Seriously, I am am so excited, seriously no, seriously! (She was imitating Izzie.)

Meredith: (Laughs.) Seriously? Oh come on, you know you are going to have fun. Seriously, though, John wants me to date. He will give me a divorce if I date for two months. He said he wants me to be sure that that is what I want.

Cristina: Seriously? That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. Are you going to?

Meredith: Yeah! He said that's what I have to do, so I will. I don't know what he's thinking.

Cristina: So how soon before you ask McDreamy out?

Meredith just smiles.

Meredith and Cristina made small talk while waiting the hour for the others to show up. They all arrived on time. George and Izzie rode together and Alex came separately. Meredith meets them at the door.

Alex: Hey, nice crib!

George: (Looking around.) Wow! This place is amazing.

Izzie: Yeah, it is!

Meredith: Do you want a tour?

All Simultaneously: Yeah!

Meredith walked them thought the house showing them all of the bedrooms.

Izzie: Wow this master bedroom is amazing! I have never seen anything this amazing in my life! Look at your bathtub!

Meredith: It's a little over the top to say the least!

Alex: Are you kidding, I would kill to live here!

Meredith: Money and a big house aren't everything!

Alex: Maybe not, but its a big part.

Meredith just laughed, Alex didn't have a clue. The saw the guest rooms that were larger than most peoples master bedrooms and then they saw John's room.

George: Who's room is this?

Meredith: John's.

George: Your husband? You don't share a room?

Meredith: Nope, we haven't in years.

Alex: Man, that's messed up!

Cristina and Izzie both gave George an Alex the look of death and Meredith a look of pity. Meredith showed them the Library, which fascinated Cristina, it had thousands of medical books. They just glanced into John's office. Izzie loved to cook, so the kitchen and dining room was her favorite spot. As they went into the kitchen, Meredith offered them something to drink. They stood around drinking and talking for awhile. Cristina had convinced them to play some drinking games and they were all getting a little tipsy. They decided to order some pizza. When the pizza came everyone was amazed at how much Meredith could eat. They had never noticed her eating habits at the hospital. Alex started calling her "the machine". Everyone thought that it was hilarious.

Izzie: So do you guys want to watch a movie?

George and Alex: I'm game!

Alex: So where do you watch moving in this place? (The doorbell rings.)

Meredith: I'll be right back. She jumps of the stool and trips. (She had obviously consumed too much alcohol.)

She opens the front door.

Meredith: (All giggly and happy.) Derek! I almost forgot you were coming! Come in.

Derek: So how are you?

Meredith: Good! We're having a little slumber party here, the interns and I. Let me grab that movie for you. (He follows her in.)

Derek: This house is gorgeous! What exactly does your husband do?

Meredith: Oh, he's an attorney. He represents several large corporations.

Derek: That's a high profile job.

Meredith: Yeah it is. (Meredith and Derek walk into to kitchen together.)

Izzie: Hello, Dr. Shepherd. Meredith- I didn't know you invited him.

Cristina: She didn't, Barbie. He's here to pick up that tape of the (Medical Surgery.)

Izzie: OH! (She is getting louder, like she always does when she is getting tipsy.)

Meredith: Well, let's go get that tape. (The intern and Derek begin to follow her into the basement.) So Derek, are you planning on watching it on your big screen in your trailer? (She giggles. She is just teasing him, and he knows it.)

Derek: I'll have you know my trailer is pretty nice, actually! (As they walk down the hallway Derek sees a shot of Meredith and John at their wedding. It stung Derek to see that. Before he was just some guy she was married to. Now he had a career, a past, an identity.)

Izzie: Oh Mer you were absolutly gorgeous! (She points out the photo. Everyone stops to look at it but Meredith and Derek. Derek takes note of the fact that she didn't acknowledge it.)

Meredith: You are more than welcome to watch it here... (She points at their home theatre. It was had a huge movie screen and box seats, she even had a popcorn machine.)

Alex: Holy shit, Thompson! If I lived this were my house, I would never leave this room! (Everyone just stands there in awe. It was amazing, just like a theatre.)

Meredith: So guys, if Derek wants to, do you guys want to watch the surgery tape?

Simultaniously: Sure!

Meredith: (To Derek.) Want to?

Derek: I have to say this is slightly larger than my t.v. at home. (He chuckles.) Sure.

Meredith walks over and starts to make the popcorn.

Meredith: Would you like something to drink, Derek?

Derek: Sure, I'll have a beer.

When Meredith returns with the drinks, she notices that Izzie, Alex, George and Cristina have taken up the back row and Derek is in the front, two rows ahead. She knows that they have done this on purpose so that she would have to sit next to Derek. She hands everyone their drinks and some tubs of popcorn and starts the movie. Everyone begins watching the movie and Meredith notices that Derek keep stareing at her.

Meredith: What?

Derek: Nothing. (She notices him looking again.)

Meredith: Do I have something on my face?

Derek: (Laughs.) No you just amaze me that's all.

Meredith: Am I really that beautiful and amazing?

Derek: No, you just, well, you've eaten a lot of popcorn.

Meredith: Are you calling me a pig? (She punches him in the arm.) Thanks!

Derek: No, I've just never seen such a little person consume the way you do!

Meredith: Geez, that's a way to boost my confidence!

Cristina: Hey, will you shut the hell up down there! I'm trying to watch the surgery.

Meredith and Derek just laugh.

Derek: I think we are disturbing them!

Meredith: OH, THEN WE BETTER BE QUIET!

Derek and Meredith laugh again.

Meredith: So, what are you doing Monday night?

Derek: Well, I have the surgery at 8:00am. I am off at 5:00pm. Nothing after that.

Meredith: Oh I think you have something to do...I think you have a date.

Derek: I think if I had a date, I would remember that. Who exactly is this supposed date with?

Meredith: A very hot intern.

Derek: Oh really what would her name be?

Meredith: Derek, will you go out on a date with me?

Derek: What? I thought you were married?

Meredith: I am. I asked John for a divorce, he said he would, but I have to date for two months. So Derek Shepherd, I am asking you on a date. What do you say?

Derek: It's a date!

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	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gray's Anatomy, I wish I did.**

Meredith: Hey! (She feels something hit her in the head. She feels her hair and grabs a piece of popcorn out of it.) What the heck? (Popcorn keeps flying.) Quit it! We don't have a freaking usher here! (The popcorn stops flying.)

Simultaniously: Sorry! (Meredith looks over at Derek and smiles. She grabs his tub of popcorn, because hers was gone. She whips it backwards covering them all in popcorn, and hitting George in the face with the tub.)

George: It's on! (They start throwing tons of popcorn at her. Cristina goes over to the popcorn machine.)

Cristina: Now it's war!

Meredith looks over at Derek.

Meredith: RUN! (She and Derek run up the stairs very clumsily, and out the back door. They are all in a drunken stupper. Every time someone went to get a beer they grabbed one for everyone else, and well they had consumed far too many.) Here, let's hide over here. (They were hiding outside behind the shrubery.)

Derek: What are we doing?

Meredith: This! (Meredith grabs the hose and turns it on. As the interns come out of the door, Meredith soaks them all with the hose.)

Izzie: Oh, that was WRONG! (She was soaked and had popcorn all over her clothes. Runs up and wrestles with Meredith to get the hose. Pretty soon they are all down in the flower bed completely covered in mud. They all quit wrestling and lay there in the mud. )

Alex: You guys realize that we are being extremely immature, right?

Izzie: Yeah, but it's fun.

Derek: I haven't had this much fun since I was a kid!

Meredith: Hey! Lets play tennis! I love playing tennis. Do you guys want to?

Cristina: Seriously?

Meredith: Yeah! Come on! (She gets up and goes to the storage shed and grabs some rackets. She turns on the lights to the tennis court. John insisted on having a court, he loved to play the game.)

George: You have a freaking tennis court? (He looks around now that the lights are on.) And a pool and hot tub? I'm moving in!

Meredith: Come on, pick teams. (Alex and Izzie were together, George and Cristina, and Meredith and Derek. The games were hilarious. There were balls flying all over the place, and everyone was tripping and falling over one another. At the end Meredith and Derek were the winners and they did a cute little victory dance together. Everyone could see the chemistry between them. All of the sudden Izzie threw up all over the court. They had also trudged a ton of mud all over the court, it was a mess.)

Meredith: Oh my God, Izzie. (She rushes over to her.) Are you OK?

Izzie: Too much beer it makes me sick. If I quit moving around I'll be OK.

Meredith: Maybe we should get in the hot tub, would that make you feel better?

Izzie: Yeah, I think it would.

Meredith: Did you all bring suits?

Alex: Nope.

George: Nope.

Derek: I had no idea I was staying!

Cristina: I did, only because I noticed your pool last time I was here.

Meredith: Well boys, I hope you wore boxers! (They begin going to the house.) Oh no you don't, you can't come in here like that! Mrs. White would kill me! She had them all go in the garage and they took turns changing in there. She ran in the house to get Cristina's and Izzie's suits when the doorbell rang. She ran to the door, wrapped in a beach towel.)

Police Officer: Is everything OK here? We got a call reporting some loud noises and screaming.

Meredith: Everything is fine, I just have a few friends over, I guess we must have gotten a little loud. Sorry.

Police Officer: OK then, please keep it down, we don't want to have to come back out.

Meredith: OK, thanks! (She returns to her friends.)

Cristina: What the hell took you so long?

Meredith: Oh, just the COPS at the door. One of the neighbors called them on us for being to LOUD.

Alex: Oh you've got to be freaking kidding!

Meredith: I know, it's rediculoius. Well, lets get in the hot tub. (They all get in, but it's a little tight.)

George: This is great! Do you spend a lot of time in here?

Meredith: This is the first time it has been used. I just don't have time.

Izzie: So is this OK, you know, having five interns in the hot tub with an attending?

Derek: I think so.

Alex: Geez, Bambi, the things you do to get ahead!

George: Hey!

They all continue to make small talk. Cristina is starting to pass out, and everyone is teasing her about being a light weight. They all decide it is probably time to go in the house.

Derek: Well, I should get going!

Meredith: Why don't you stay?

Derek: It will be weird enough dating a married woman, I don't think I could stay the night. (He dials the cab company.)

Meredith: I understand.

Derek: So this date, where do you want to go?

Meredith: Surprise me, I'm not hard to please!

Derek: (Looks around the house.) You'd never know it.

Meredith: Oh come on! This is what John wanted, not me. I could live in a car if I had to.

Derek: Could you?

Meredith: Yes, I could. (Derek's cab pulls up.) Thanks for staying, it was fun. You might want to take this. (She hands him the surgery tape.) I don't think you saw much of it!

Derek: Yeah it was. I will get my car tomorrow. (He begins to walk out the door.)

Meredith: I'll be damned! That's your car? (Pointing at his old White SUV.) I love that thing!

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Yes, it's awesome! Well, you don't want to piss the cab driver off! See you tomorrow!

Derek: Goodnight!

When Meredith went back into the house, everyone was passed out in the family room except Alex.

Alex: So I think we found out who the lightweights are!

Meredith: Yeah, we did. So was it OK? It was my first sleep over.

Alex: I will never admit it again, but it was fun. So you and Shepherd?

Meredith: Yeah...I know he's my boss.

Alex: And you are married!

Meredith: I am getting a divorce. Well, I will be. My husband wants me to date for 2 months and then decide.

Alex: You do realize he is using reverse psychology on you, right?

Meredith: No he's not!

Alex: Yes, he is! He figured if he gives you freedom, you won't take, thus he wins.

Meredith: Well, he's wrong. I think we need to get these bodies up to bed. (She motions to her friends.)

Alex: Why don't we just leave them?

Meredith: I'll tell you why! I have a ton of guest rooms that have never been used and I busted my ass putting fresh linens on the beds, and damnit they're getting used!

Alex: OK, OK! (He picks up Izzie, and follows Meredith to her room. Next he grabs Cristina.)

Meredith: You know we will have tell Cristina she walked up here herself, right?

Alex: Yeah, I know. (Together they carry George.) Damn Thompson, you're strong for your size!

Meredith: Your room is over there. (She begins to walk downstairs.)

Alex: Where are you going?

Meredith: To straighten up a little.

Alex: It will be there in the morning, we will help you. Go to bed.

Meredith: I think that is a good idea! Goodnight.

Alex: Goodnight.

Everyone is still asleep when John arrives early in the morning. He didn't call to let Meredith know he would be early because she never needed to. She always had everything in order, and she was rarely home. He sees all of the cars in the drive and figures Meredith invited friends over for breakfast. He never expected what he came home to.

John: Holy mother of destruction!

He begins frantically cleaning the up the kitchen and main floor. There is mud everywhere. John is a complete clean freak, and he is ready to go crazy. Not to mention that his new friend, the senator, was coming over in an hour to play tennis. He was in a total frenzy. There were enough liquer bottles and beer cans to build a small house. He barely gets it done when the car pulls in the drive. The doorbell rings. John answers the door.

John: Senator Graham. How are you?

Jack: Please, call me Jack. So are you ready to get lose that wager?

John: I won't be the loser.

They head out to the tennis court and John cannot believe what he sees. The flower bed was all torn up and there was mud everywhere. He follows the trail, only to see vomit and mud all over the court.

John: Oh my god! What is this?

Jack: I think it is mud and vomit!

John: I bet it was those neighbor kids. They have been sneaking around getting drunk. I'm sorry. I think we need to reschedule! I need to call someone and get this court cleaned. I also have parents to call. I'm so sorry. (He knew it wasn't kids. It was Meredith.)

Jack: No big deal, you will need the extra practice. I hope you figure out who did this.

John: Don't worry, I will!

After a few hours the interns begin to come down the stairs. John is in his office working. He comes into the kitchen to find them all sitting holding their heads and drinking coffee.

John: So it looks like you guys had a lot of fun last night! I had a wonderful morning. I spent it cleaning up the house in a hurry, but the highlight was when Senator Graham and I went out to play tennis, only to find the court covered in mud and puke! Oh and the neighbor informed me that the cops were called...

All of the interns look at him. Not sure what he was going to do. They were figuring he would blow up like anyone in that situation would. He looks at Meredith, she looks at him and they both bust out laughing. The interns couldn't believe it. They went through introductions and John made a huge batch of his hangover tonic. Everyone was having a good morning getting to know John. All of them thinking he was a great guy. Meredith had a great time at her first sleep over. The doorbell rings.

John: I'll get it. (He goes to answer the door.) Can I help you?

Derek: I am just here to pick up my car. (Puts his hand out.) Derek Shepherd, I work with Meredith.

John: (Shakes his hand.) John Thompson. (Meredith walks up.)

Meredith: Derek! John- I see you've met Derek. He and I have a date tomorrow. (John looks back and forth at them.)

John: What have I done?

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I hope you guys liked this chapter! I have several big things that still have to happen before this story ends. If it is getting boring, or I am dragging it out too long, let me know. I love the reviews!


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John: So Derek, her seems nice.

Meredith: Yeah, he is.

John: So a date tomorrow. You aren't wasting anytime.

Meredith: I have a quota to meet. (laughs.)

John: Yes, you do...We should probably return to your friends. (They walk into the kitchen, everyone is looking better that they did. They all drank John's tonic.) Well, you guys look better!

Cristina: That stuff is amazing!

Alex: What is in it?

John: Can't tell, it's an old family recipe. (He smiles.) So are you guys up for breakfast? (Everyone said no, except for Meredith and George. John made them pancakes, he was an expert at flipping them out of the pan.)

Meredith: So how was the business trip?

John: As great as a business trip can be. It's in my suitcase.

Meredith: What is? (Looking innocently.)

John: Oh, come on! You know I bring you something every time I leave town. I could see you looking around for it.

Meredith: Whatever do you mean? (She cocks her head to the side.)

John: It's in my suitcase, in the office. (She runs off to his office.)

Izzie: That is so cool, you bring her a souvenir every time you go out of town.

John: Yes, I always have, she had quite the collection. (Meredith comes back into the kitchen holding a Tiffany's box.) What do you think.

Meredith: Their gorgeous! (She shows everyone the sapphire and diamond necklace.)

Izzie: Oh my gosh.

Cristina: That wasn't cheap. (Meredith shoots her a look.)

Alex: What makes you think she deserves that? (He lets out a laugh.)

John: Because, she is the love of my life. (He walks over and kisses her on the head. Everyone is surprised at how kind and loving he is to Meredith. They have never seen her to the same back.) So how are the pancakes?

George: They are great! I love them with the pecans in them! (Meredith grabs his last pancake off of his plate.) Hey!

Meredith: I'm still hungry!

Alex: Aren't you always, Machine?

Meredith: That is just not nice!

Everyone goes down and helps clean up the basement, including John. He couldn't believe what a mess they had made They are having a good time remembering they had last night.

Izzie: It was so funny when we were throwing popcorn at you and Derek:

John: Oh, so Derek stayed for awhile last night? (They all look at each other thinking that they shouldn't have said anything.)

Meredith: Yes he did. We all watched the video of the rare surgery that he will be doing tomorrow. We didn't end up watching much of it because we got in the popcorn fight. He had too much to drink, and had to take a cab home. I asked him to stay, but he wouldn't. That is when I asked him on the date, honey. (Alex was sure this was going to start a fight. Meredith was really throwing some low blows. Can you imagine a wife telling her husband that she asked out a man in their house, and they spent the night watching movies and playing around.)

John: Oh, I see. So he is your boss, huh? (Everyone could tell he was a little hurt.)

Meredith: Yes, he is. Derek is the head of Neuro. He is very good. (She smiles.)

Alex: You know, I think I really need to get going. (He was feeling uncomfortable.) John, it was nice meeting you.

The others: Yeah me too, I have to work tomorrow. (They had pretty much finished cleaning up.)

John: Thanks for taking care of my wife. Oh and puking on my tennis court. (He begins laughing.)

Meredith: Well, let me walk you guys out. (They all walk upstairs to get their stuff in silence.) Did you guys have a good time?

All: Oh yeah! It was great. (Everyone said their goodbyes and Cristina stays behind.)

Cristina: You know I am your person, right?

Meredith: Of course.

Cristina: I am not the type of person to, well, I'll just say it. Give the guy a freaking break. I mean it was so long ago, he made one mistake. He is so in love with you, you can't even appreciate that. You just nag him, and purposely hurt him. You know how he must have felt with you saying those things in front of everyone. You need to be happy with what you have, there are people who would kill to have what you do. So there. I am done, not saying anything more.

Meredith: It didn't happen to you. You don't know what you are talking about. I thought you were my friend. Just leave!

Cristina: Meredith...

Meredith: No, just go!

Cristina: Fine! (She storms out.)

Meredith: I can't believe this. What the hell. She is supposed to be my friend.

John: Is everything OK?

Meredith: No!

John: Do you want to talk about it?

Meredith: No! (She goes down to the basement. She is upset she decides to watch some surgical tapes. They always make her feel better. She sits there for a few minutes, before deciding to call Derek.) Hey Derek, It's Meredith. Are you busy?

Derek: Nope. What's going on?

Meredith: I was just wondering where we are going on our date. I assume we will leave from the hospital.

Derek: Wear something nice, elegant. It will be a surprise.

Meredith: OK. I can't wait. Talk to you later.

Derek: See you.

Monday's surgery went well, Meredith and Alex scrubbed in. They were all talking about the weekend, but no one else knew what they were talking about. They were laughing and having a good time. Cristina and Meredith were still not talking. It was getting near the time to go on the date. Meredith took a shower in the locker room, and got dressed in her dark blue evening gown, and new sapphire earrings and necklace. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

Cristina: You look nice. Have fun on your date, Miss Adulterous.

Meredith: What did you say? I'll have you know John did tell me I had to date!

Cristina: Whatever. Oh, those earrings, the ones your HUSBAND bought you. They look nice.

Meredith just walks out, ignoring her last comment. When she gets down to the main entrance Derek is working on his laptop. He looks up, she looks so beautiful.

Derek: You look amazing! Are you ready.

Meredith: As I ever will be.

Derek: Oh shoot, I have to stop home before we go. Is that OK?

Meredith: Sure.

They made small talk all the way to the trailer. As they pulled up Meredith gasped.

Derek: What?

Meredith: It's beautiful!

Derek: The trailer?

Meredith: No, the land! I can see why you bought it. I would love to have this.

Meredith and Derek go into the trailer. It is small, but it is cute. It is just like him, very simple.

Derek: So are you ready to go to the restaurant?

Meredith: No, lets just stay here. Can you cook?

Derek: I love to cook, why?

Meredith: Cook me dinner.

Derek: OK, but we have reservations, and you are all dressed up.

Meredith: I told you, I am a simple girl.

Derek begins preparing the meal. He looks out a sees Meredith sitting out on the grass looking at the stars. He makes the table out on his small porch, and puts the food out.

Derek: It's ready!

Meredith: Oh, it looks great! (She takes a bite.) It is wonderful!

Derek: You are so funny! So simple. Did you always want to be a doctor?

Meredith: Yeah, my mom always said that I wouldn't make it. So I pushed harder and harder just to prove her wrong. What about you?

Derek: I always have, the brain it just amazes me. Where did you go to college?

Meredith: Dartmouth.

Derek: So you and John, you survived a long distance relationship?

Meredith: He went there too. He could have went anywhere, but he chose to go with me. But enough about that.

They finished their dinner and went outside to sit on the grass. They both just looked at the stars.

Meredith: I have always dreamed of a place like this. A small farmhouse with a wrap around porch. Maybe some horses running in the field. So quiet, so perfect, so simple.

Derek: So John, the house, that is what he wanted?

Meredith: Yeah. He thought it was what I wanted too. He tries, ya know. It's just not enough. It's time for that chapter to end. I just want to be happy.

Derek: You deserve to be happy. (He looks into her eyes. They lean in and kiss. It felt amazing. There was a connection. Meredith pulls away.)

Meredith: It's not that I don't want to, I do, it's just not right. I like you a lot. But until the divorce is over...

Derek: You're right.

Meredith: I want to see you again, this was great! So when are you free?

Derek: Anytime this week.

Meredith: How about Thursday?

Derek: Thursday is great. Let me take you back to the hospital to get your car.

Meredith drove home feeling a little guilty about the date. She really enjoyed it, she really liked Derek. When she got home, John was in the office.

John: Did you have a good time?

Meredith: Yeah I did.

John: Where did you go?

Meredith: Derek cooked me dinner, we had a great time.

Derek: So you wore those new earrings I got you for nothing?

Meredith: No! It was a nice dinner. They went along with the gown.

John: And the grass stains. (He laughed.)

Meredith: We didn't do anything.

John: I know you didn't. I trust you.

Meredith: I know you do. I need to go to bed. Goodnight.

John: Good night.

John was feeling like he made the wrong decision, telling Meredith to date. He wasn't ready to lose her. He still loved her more than anything in the world. He would lay down and die for her. She was the reason he breathed in and out everyday. Too bad she didn't realize that.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, I wish I did.**

The week was going by fairly fast, there were no major catastrophes at the hospital. Meredith and Derek had scrubbed in on several surgeries together which included him staring and and smiling at her over the surgical table. Cristina was still not really talking to her. Derek and Meredith had just finished a surgery and were scrubbing out.

Derek: So that was a pretty good surgery. Don't you think?

Meredith: Yes, it was. Thanks for letting me help in the procedure.

Derek: You are very talented. I don't think you will have to try hard to pass up your mother.

Meredith: I appreciate you saying that. So where are we going on our date?

Derek: It's your choice this time. Last time I chose, and I chose wrong. (He Smiles.)

Meredith: Lets go bowling!

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Yeah. I have never been. John wouldn't put the shoes on. He said they were too gross. (She wrinkles her nose, and laughs.) A few germs never killed anyone, or athlete's foot for that matter.

Derek: OK, maybe we shouldn't bowl. (Makes a grossed out face.)

Meredith: You said it was my choice! I want to bowl!

Derek: OK, but I have to warn you, I am very good.

Meredith: Good, you can teach me!

Derek: Do you want to leave from here?

Meredith: I am off at 1pm so we can either meet or you can pick me up at 6pm.

Derek: I'll pick you up.

Meredith: (Pager beeps.) It's Bailey, see you tomorrow! (Meredith runs off with an extra bounce in her step.)

Derek: Can't wait. (Derek heads toward the coffee cart and sees Mark and Addison standing there.)

Mark: Hey there, Romeo.

Derek: (Laughs.) Funny.

Addison: So congratulations! I heard you had a good date with Meredith.

Derek: Yeah it was. Too bad she's married.

Mark: But she is getting a divorce, right?

Derek: She says she is.

Mark: So what's the problem?

Derek: Well, her husband is pretty damn nice.

Addison: Well, Derek, It doesn't matter if they don't love each other anymore. He could be the nicest guy in the world.

Derek: Yeah, I guess you are right.

Addison: (Her pager goes off.) I gotta go. Don't worry about it Derek, If it's meant to be, it will be.

Derek: I hope she's right. Every time I see her, my feelings get stronger. I just hope I'm not setting myself up to be crushed.

Mark: I don't think Meredith would do that to you!

Derek: Sometimes you can't help what you feel, or don't.

Mark: You're right. I guess you will have to see what hand is dealt. I have surgery in 20 minutes. If I don't see you, have a great time.

John still wasn't home when Meredith was waiting for Derek. She was glad, she didn't want him to see her freaking out about what to wear. She wanted to look nice, but not too nice. She finally settled on a nice, lower cut sweater and jeans. She had her hair up in a neat ponytail. She was just coming down the stairs when the doorbell rang. When she got to the door, there Derek was standing with a dozen yellow roses.

Meredith: They are beautiful! Thank you! Come in. (She goes to the kitchen to get a vase. She reaches up to get the vase and can barely touch it. He walks over and reaches up to grab it touching his body up against hers. They both tense up, knowing that they can't do anything about it.) Thanks!

Derek: No problem. (He smiles. He was undressing her with his eyes.)

Meredith: Boy! I am glad you haven't seen me naked!

Derek: Why?

Meredith: Because it looks like you are having so much fun imagining. (They both smile.)

Derek: I wish I didn't have to...

Meredith: (Purposely changes the subject.) Well, we had better get going.

Derek: You're right. (They go out and get in the car.)

Meredith: Where's the truck?

Derek: I couldn't take you out in that thing.

Meredith: I happen to love that _thing_.

Derek: You are the only one. Anyone else I have dated, was really funny about going anywhere in it. They were embarrassed. Besides, it is a gas hog. I like driving this when I feel the need for speed.

Meredith: BMWs are nice, John had one. I used to drive an Audi TT. I liked it, but it really wasn't me. You know what I mean?

Derek: Yes I do. I could see you driving around in an old rusty farm truck.

Meredith: Thanks! I look like I belong in a rusty truck?

Derek: That's not what I meant!

Meredith: I Know...I wouldn't have a problem with driving that.

Derek: I know, that's why you're my kind of girl. (They both just smile. They have arrived at the bowling alley.)

They both pick out their shoes. Derek helps her pick out her ball.

Derek: You really have to make sure you get the right ball. The wrong ball will totally screw up your game.

Meredith: OK, so the right sized balls. I didn't think balls could be too big. (He laughs.)

Derek: Well maybe not, but you really don't want them too heavy.

Meredith: (Busts out laughing.) What if they're too small?

Derek: Then they will be flying all over the place.

Meredith: Well I think I want just the right size ball, or should I say balls.

Derek: I am ashamed of you, you are a very dirty girl.

Meredith: You have no idea! So Derek, show me how to throw my ball.

They get to their lane, and Derek tells her to try it on her own. She throws the ball, it goes flying into another lane, and bounces away.

Derek: Wow, you my dear, need a heavier ball.

After they get a new ball Derek helps her learn how to throw it. He stands behind her and braces his body against hers and his arm against hers and he helps her throw it. They both feel the sparks flying between them. The ball is practically on fire when it goes right down the middle of the lane.

Derek: That was good! Now try it on your own. I'm going to get some snacks.

Meredith has some really bad throws, then she starts doing a little better. She asks Derek to help her again, only because she wants to feel his body against hers.

Derek: So what do you think?

Meredith: It's fun! I am going to beat you so bad!

Derek: Way to dream, baby.

Meredith: So how many girlfriends have you had? Were you ever married?

Derek: Tough question, let me think. Oh, I'd say about 15 girlfriends, never married, never engaged. What about you?

Meredith: You are going to laugh, don't laugh.

Derek: I won't laugh, I promise.

Meredith: Two, John, and Sebastian Garrison in 3rd grade. We went to some arcade with his mom. (He is struggling not to laugh.) Go ahead...

Derek: I'm sorry. (He starts to laugh.) It's cute. You're so innocent.

Meredith: Innocent? You obviously don't know me very well. (A sly smile on her face. Derek gets up to bowl. She can't help but check out his nice behind. He had been doing the same all night.)

Derek: Are you looking at my nice ass?

Meredith: Maybe I am. (Derek looks at it.)

Derek: You should, it's a nice ass. (Meredith laughs.)

Meredith: I don't know if it's that nice!

Derek: No, it is. So is yours. A perfect pair of asses, we are. (They both laugh.) I think I just won. The FOURTH game in a row.

Meredith: Oh I see how it is! Rub it in, I don't even throw in my own lane half of the time. That makes you look really good.

Derek: I look good all of the time. (He leans towards her.)

Meredith: That you do. (She leans in. They kiss, hard. It lasts awhile. So much love, so much passion. Finally they come up for air.) That was..

Derek: Intense.

Meredith: Yeah.

Derek: Shit, look at the time! I better get you back before my car turns back into a pumpkin.

Meredith: Or my husband hunts us down. Just kidding. So you won.

Derek: (Looks her in the eye.) I always win. (She knows exactly what he means.)

When they arrive at Meredith's house john is there. Derek walks her up to the door.

Meredith: Do you want to come in for some coffee? (She begins to unlock the door.)

Derek: Oh, I don't know...

Meredith: Come on...brave the fiery dragon. (Derek follows her in.)

John: So, did you kids have a good time?

Meredith: Yes, we did. We went bowling. Derek, unlike you, will wear the shoes.

John: I would wear the shoes.

Meredith: Need I remind you of the night?

John: (Remembers the night he chickened out at the bowling alley with their friends. He couldn't put the shoes on. It grossed him out, so they made an excuse to leave.) NO! No, you don't. So when is the next date?

Derek: How about Saturday?

Meredith: Sure...

John: (Interrupts.) No, Saturday is no good. I have to take my wife on a date. We have that dinner and dance for the firm.

Meredith: (She has a very disappointed look on her face.) Oh, OK. How about Monday then?

Derek: That would be good.

John: Is going somewhere with your husband that bad?

Meredith: Goodnight, Derek. I had a great time.

Derek: Goodnight, Meredith. Goodnight, John (He shakes his hand. He walks to the car with a huge smile on his face. He was in love.)

-----------------------------------

The sparks were flying. But when are they going to ignite? I hope you guys liked it. Gotta love Mer and Der. I had to pay homage to MD with the coffee comment, if anyone knows what I am talking about. She is the QUEEN!


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John: You are going to get off in time to go with me right?

Meredith: Yes- Mom would be so upset if I didn't come too. I'll be here by 6pm. Her flight gets in at 8pm right?

John: If it's on time. I'm sure it will be late. I'm sure that she will be hungry, so we'll stop at the italian restaurant on the way home.

Meredith: Sounds good to me. See you later.

Meredith had mixed feelings about Lois coming. She loved to see her, but it was so stressful pretending that she was in love with John. All Lois wanted in her life was to make sure John was happy, and Meredith was the one that made John happy. Meredith knows it will crush her when she finds out about the divorce. They weren't planning on telling her until before she left to go back home. When Meredith got to the hospital she saw Cristina walking towards the entrance. She ran up behind her and trapped her in the elevator.

Meredith: Ugh, (Grabs her stomach.) I feel sick.

Cristina: Are you OK?

Meredith: I think so, I just feel a little nauseous.

Cristina: Why?

Meredith: I didn't eat breakfast, that's probably what it is. I'm sorry.

Cristina: For what?

Meredith: For what! You are my friend, I need to respect your opinion, even if I don't agree. I just want to be happy. I am trying so hard, and it really hurts that you aren't supporting me.

Cristina: I know what I said was wrong. My dad cheated on my mom, and it hurt. So I don't know, even though John said you could date, it just bothered me.

Meredith: What didn't you tell me? I would have understood.

Cristina: So we're good, right?

Meredith: Yeah, were good. Do you want a hug? (She busts out laughing.)

Cristina: Funny.

In the locker room:

Izzie: So how was the date with McDreamy?

Meredith: It was good. Life, is good!

Cristina: Please, shut your mouth, the glare is blinding me!

George: So is it pretty serious?

Izzie: George!

George: What?

Meredith: Life is good!

Bailey: OK, get your lazy butts up and get to work! Yang, you're with Shepherd; Thompson, Burke; Karev, She-Sloan; Stevens, the chief; O'Malley, you're with me. Move people!

Meredith and Burke had a triple bypass surgery scheduled. The patient was very nervous and Meredith was great at calming her down. She reassured her that everything would be fine. Meredith and Burke were in the scrub room scrubbing in.

Burke: So you and Cristina. You're talking again?

Meredith: Yeah, we're good. You talked to her didn't you?

Burke: Maybe.

Meredith: Well, thank you.

Burke: No problem. Let's do this.

The surgery went well, but Meredith began feeling nauseous in the middle.

Burke: Thompson? Are you OK

Meredith: I think so. (She gets another wave.) Oh God.

Burke: Go! I'll call in another intern. (She runs out to vomit. She comes back in, but sees that George has taken her place. She is feeling better now, so she asks Bailey where she wants her. Bailey sends her to the ER to do sutures. Meredith did several patients, finally a little girl comes in and needs 5 stitches on her foot.)

Little Girl: No! I don't wanna, please mommy.

Meredith: What's your name?

Girl: Kelly.

Meredith: OK, Kelly, how old are you?

Kelly: 6.

Meredith: 6, huh? That's a good age. Are you scared?

Kelly: Yeah, it's going to hurt. (She starts to cry.)

Meredith: I won't hurt you, I promise. What's your favorite color?

Kelly: Pink.

Meredith: Pink is my friend Izzie's favorite color, she works here too. Mine is green.

Kelly: Ewww green?

Meredith: Yep. Mine was pink too, when I was a little girl.

Kelly: Really?

Meredith: Yep. OK all done.

Kelly: Already? It didn't hurt at all! You're the best doctor ever! (She gives Meredith a huge hug.)

Meredith: Thank you, sweetheart.

They leave and Meredith walks up to the nurses station writing on a chart, Derek walks up.

Derek: You would make a great mom.

Meredith: You think?

Derek: Yeah, you would. (He smiles thinking about little McBabies.) Well, I better get back to my case.

Meredith: I'll walk with you, I'm done here.

Derek: So are you ready for the big date?

Meredith: If you are referring to the one with John, funny.

Derek: Maybe you'll have a good time.

Meredith: Why are you so OK with this?

Derek: Because, I like you. I like you a lot, you are worth all of the awkwardness in the world.

Meredith: Am I really?

Derek: I think so... Well, I'd better go. (Cristina walks up.)

Meredith begins feeling nauseous again. She puts her hand over her mouth.

Cristina: Burke told me you had to leave the OR.

Meredith: Yeah, I did. I was feeling better...(Meredith throws up in the trash can.)

Cristina: Are you pregnant?

Meredith: (Laughs.) Not unless it was an immaculate conception!

Cristina: Seriously?

Meredith: Seriously. I haven't had sex in almost 7 years.

Cristina: What about McDreamy? Are you going to?

Meredith: Cristina!

Cristina: Would you buy a car without test driving it?

Meredith: No.

Cristina: But you are willing to commit to someone without having sex first? I mean what if it is a compact car? Way to small. Or too big? Well, they can never be too big. (Laughs.) Or bad on gas. I could never, no way.

Meredith: (Laughing.) Seriously!

Cristina: Possibly lousy sex for a long time. No way.

Meredith: Maybe Derek and I won't even last!

Cristina: I think he is in it for the long haul...

Meredith: I need to go get something to eat. That is why I am so sick.

Meredith and Cristina make their way to the cafeteria, they grab some food and sit down with Alex. Cristina's pager goes off.

Cristina: Damn-it, here (hands her the food.) You are the machine, have mine too.

Meredith: (To Alex.) Would you test drive a car before you might buy it?

Alex: Do him already! Your husband is letting you date, he never said anything about no sex, right. Besides, John is probably getting his.

Meredith: No he isn't, believe me! It's just not right. I don't know.

Alex: I would do him.

Meredith: Would you?

Alex: Get your mind out of the gutter! (He gets up and leaves. Just as George walks up.)

Meredith: How's your day going?

George: Great!

Meredith: Hey George, would you test drive a car before you bought it?

George: Of course. Milage is so important these days. I want to know how it feels the road. Nothing is worse than an uncomfortable ride. I would definitly get a hybrid. What kind of car are...(He sees the look on her face.) Oh God, you're talking about sex, aren't you? (Meredith nods.) If it were I wouldn't do it. John isn't expecting you to. It would be different if you weren't married, no offense.

Meredith: You're probably right. (She has finished her food and Cristina's.) I have to go. (She leaves and as she is walking she passes Izzie in the hall.) Iz, would you...

Izzie: No, I wouldn't.

Meredith: You don't even know what I was going to ask you.

Izzie: Alex told me. I wouldn't. If you are in love, I mean really in love. It will be great., don't worry about that. Just make sure that he is what you want, the rest will work it's self out.

Meredith: Thanks, Iz.

Izzie: No problem. See you later

The rest of the day, went quickly. Before she knew it, it was time to go home. She made it home by 6:10pm. John was already home. She decided to take a shower before they went to get Lois. When she came downstairs John was in his office, like he always is.

John: You look nice.

Meredith: Thanks. What time is the thing on Saturday?

John: The firm dinner?

Meredith: Yeah.

John: It's at 6:00pm. The dress is very formal.

Meredith: OK.

Meredith made sure Lois' room was ready and she straightened up some things. She lost track of time. She heard John yelling for her that it was time to go. They took her car so it would be easier to get the luggage and John had been wanting to drive it. The flight was on time, which was amazing. They were both standing at the arrival gate when Lois walked out. She looked so frail. Something was wrong, really wrong. She was sick and Meredith knew it.


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith and John both looked at each other. They could tell something was wrong with Lois. John walked right over to his mother and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Meredith followed suit.

Lois: I have missed you both so much! How have you been?

John: We've been good. But you, you don't look so good, Mom. Are you alright? (Meredith nodded her head in total agreement.)

Lois: I'm great! I had this terrible flu. It had me down for a couple of weeks, totally knocked me out. I am doing well now. (She had lost quite a bit of weight, and she looked pale.)

Meredith: The flu can be nasty! Did you get the flu shot like I told you to?

Lois: Yes, and every time I get one I get the damn flu.

Meredith: Well, It probably would have been worse had you not gotten the shot. So are you hungry?

Lois: A little. I made sure I ate before I left, but I could have something.

John: Good, we have this wonderful little family owned Italian restaurant that we go to. You will love it!

They arrived at the restaurant and were seated immediately at a little table in the corner. The restaurant was cozy, and always busy. It was the best kept secret in Seattle. They had their favorite waiter, Tony. John and Meredith always got the same dish.

Tony: Good evening! How are you two tonight?

Together: We're good.

Tony: And who is this lovely lady? (Motioning towards Lois.)

John: This is my mother, Lois.

Tony: Nice to meet you.

Lois: Very nice to meet you too.

Tony: What can I get you to drink?

John: We'll have a bottle of Merlot for the table. Is that OK, Mom?

Lois: That is fine.

Tony: Do you know what you want tonight? The usual?

John: You know me too well!

Meredith: Your ravioli is the best ever!

Tony: And for you?

Lois: I'll have the spaghetti.

Tony: I will be back with your salads in a few minutes.

Lois: So Mer, how is the internship going?

Meredith: I love it. I love working at the hospital.

Lois: That is great, honey. Jonathan, how is the law firm? I am so happy for you, being a senior partner. Your father would have been so proud. Of both of you. (The bell on the door dings and three familiar people walk in.)

Meredith: I really miss him, Jim, I mean. (She sees Derek walk in with Mark and Addison. Meredith is praying they don't notice them. She does not want Lois to know about Derek.)

Lois: We all do, he was a great man. He loved you both so much. God, I miss him.

John: Oh, look honey, it's your friend from work. (John waves at Derek, partially because he is jealous, and he wants to make Meredith uncomfortable. He immediately feels guilty about it.) Derek, how are you? (Meredith's face lights up, and Lois notices this.)

Derek: I'm good, and you?

John: We're wonderful.

Derek: I'd like you to meet my friends, Dr. Mark Sloan, and Dr. Addison Montgomery-Sloan. This is John, Meredith's husband. Of course you guys know Meredith.

John: Very nice to meet you. This is my mother, Lois. She just came in from Boston.

Lois: Nice to meet you! Do you work with Meredith?

Meredith: I work for all of them. They are all the Attendings in their field's.

Addison: I think we all consider Meredith more of a friend, than an employee. (She smiles.)

John: This place is great isn't it? You are more than welcome to join us, if you'd like.

Mark: Oh no, we wouldn't want to impose. Enjoy your dinner. (They all nod and say goodbye.)

The whole dinner Meredith was distracted, and everyone noticed. She couldn't help but look at him. He drew her in like a current. She couldn't come up for air. Derek was doing the same thing. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She was so radiant. He felt a wave of jealousy. It should be him at that table, just him and her. He wanted to walk over an shove John off the chair, just because he looked like he was enjoying himself. They locked eyes. Derek had a look of jealousy and envy, whilst John had a look of anger and hurt. They could both read each other. Meredith noticed them staring each other down and she was feeling very uncomfortable. She began making small talk with Lois to distract her. Meanwhile, over at the other table:

Addison: Maybe we chose the wrong place. (Saying to Mark, as she motions at Derek.)

Mark: They have the best food. Besides, the meeting wasn't that bad. Was it Derek? Derek?

Derek: What?

Mark: Nothing.

Addison: So he seems nice.

Derek: Yeah, for an asshole. (He says angrily.)

Mark: Oh come on, if you were in his position you would feel the same way. There is a guy less than fifty feet away from his table, who wants to bang his wife.

Addison: Mark!

Mark: It's true! I've known Derek my whole life.

Derek: (Anger building up.) He's the one that wants her to date! He obviously doesn't want the divorce. He thought he could trick her, now the joke is on him. This is war! I will fight for her, it doesn't matter what he does, she is mine. Oh he's going to try, but it won't make a difference! (Mark and Addison are take aback.)

Mark: Whoa man, calm down!

Addison: I have never seen you like this about a girl!

Derek: I have never been like this about a girl. (The group walks over.)

John: It was a pleasure meeting you both. Derek, nice to see you again. I hope you enjoy your dinner. Goodnight.

Meredith: See you guys tomorrow!

Mark and Addison: You too, goodnight.

John: Come on honey, Mom is probably tired. (He puts his arm around her resting his hand on her hip. Derek wanted to jump up and strangle him. The minute they walked out of the door Meredith pushed his hand off of her. Derek, Addison and Mark all saw this.)

Mark: Did you see that? I don't think you will have a hard time winning this war.

Derek: I hope not.

Addison: I hate to say it, but I don't think he is going to throw in the towel.

Mark: What makes you say that?

Addison: He still loves her, you can see it. He has a few tricks up his sleeve. Don't expect a retreat.

Derek: I've got to go...

Mark: We didn't get our food yet...

Derek: Suddenly, I'm not hungry. (He throws money down on the table.)

Addison: Derek...wait. (He walks out.) Oh no, this is bad.

Mark: Really bad.

Addison: He has fallen hard. I hope to God she gets a divorce. If she doesn't, it will crush him.

Mark: You aren't kidding, and John isn't too shabby.

Addison: That's for sure. (Mark raises his eyebrows at her. Addison couldn't deny that he was the sweetest kind of man candy.)

The ride home was pretty quiet. Lois could sense the tension in the car. She didn't want to bring it up. When they got home John gave Lois a tour of the house. She was so proud of her son. The house was over the top, but she knew he didn't grow up with a lot so she didn't say anything. She was growing tired and John could tell so he showed her her room. Meredith came in tell her goodnight.

Lois: So, they were nice, especially Derek.

Meredith: Yeah, he's a good boss.

Lois: So, when are you going to be honest with me?

Meredith: About what?

Lois: Derek.

Meredith: It's nothing.

Lois: Meredith, you are practically my daughter. Your face lit up when he walked in. I haven't seen you look like that in years. I remember your wedding say. You were the most distraught bride I had ever seen. I knew something was wrong. I could see the sadness in your eyes, and the guilt in his. Things were never the same after that. I don't know what he did to you, I don't even want to know. I just know you two have not been happy in a long time.

Meredith: You are right. John did something that hurt me so bad. It crushed my soul. My spark went out. (She starts to weep.) I can't forgive him, I just can't. Last week, I asked John for a divorce. He has this stupid plan. He is making me date for two months. Can you believe it? Derek, he's great. We went on a few dates. He makes me feel so good. Like John used to. I feel so guilty. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I miss John, I miss how it was.

Lois: You know when I first heard the name Meredith Grey? (Meredith nods her head no.) John was 10. He walked in after baseball practice. He was in an especially happy mood. Jim (his father) asked him what was on his mind. Do you know what he said? "I'm in love." Ten years old, and he's in love! Jim asked him who the lucky girl was and he said "Meredith Grey, she is like an angel. We're going to get married and have two kids, a boy named Jack, and a girl named Bella. I will be an attorney, and she, she'll be whatever she wants. We are going to be so happy." Jim said "And what does Meredith think about this?" and John said "She doesn't know yet. But I'm not worried, she will, I love her." (Meredith is smiling and crying.) I thought it was a joke, and look what happened. I was so happy for you two. You were meant to be. I am not saying this to change your mind. I just want you to know that John loves you. It's an all consuming love. You have to make yourself happy. I love you as much as I love my son. I want you to both be happy, and if you aren't you need to move on. It will crush him if you get a divorce, but if you aren't still friends, it will kill him. No matter what, he is strong, he will be OK. He loves you enough to let you go. (Meredith is still crying. Lois is right. She laid there next to Lois for a long time, neither of them talking. Meredith realized that Lois was asleep, and went to her bedroom.)

When she got to her room, John was in her bed. She didn't want to tell him that Lois knew, she knew that he would be upset that she told her. He never gave his mom enough credit, she was a strong person. She grumbled and she got under the covers. He was already asleep. He was snoring loudly. He wouldn't stop. She couldn't sleep. She pushed him, kicked him, tried to roll him over. He kept snoring. It was so enticing as he honked like a fog horn in the night, to just shove him off of the bed. She had to stop herself from smothering him, she fantasized about. Finally, with a last attempt before insanity set in, she plugged his nose with her fingers. It was 2 am and she had to be up at 4:30.

John: What the hell? I knew things were bad, but I never thought you would try to kill me!

Meredith: (Raises her voice.) If I wanted to kill you, I would make it a little more painful! You have got to stop snoring! I can't take it! I have to get up in two hours. You are like a boat. I'm waiting for the captain to say "All Ashore."

John: I AM NOT! I do not snore!

Meredith: The bags under my eyes say otherwise. I do not want to have to go sleep on the couch.

John: OK, OK. I will try not to. I will sleep on my side.

Meredith: Goodnight! What is left of it. (Within ten minutes, Meredith was asleep. She was snoring just as loudly as he was, and now he was tossing and turning. The alarm went off at 4:30, and she didn't wake up. John tried to get her up, but she wouldn't wake up, she just kept on snoring. He finally shoved her right of the bed. She jumped up.)

Meredith: What the hell? (She jumped on the bed and they began wrestling around, she won, and straddled him.)

John: Now this is a good position. (She just shook her head and got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for work. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she looked terrible. It was going to be a fun day.)

---------------------------------------------------

I will write about the Law Firm party tomorrow. It was going to be in this chapter, but this one ended up being pretty long on it's own.


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith was half asleep on the drive to the hospital. She was so mad at John. She could swear that he never used to snore that loudly. When she walked in the locker room, Cristina was the only one in there.

Cristina: You look like shit.

Meredith: Thanks. My husband seemed to think he had to imitate a tug boat all night long. I swear, I was this close to smothing him. Seriously.

Cristina: Why the hell was he in your bed?

Meredith: Mom is here, his mom, and he doesn't know that she knows that she isn't supposed to know but does know about the divorce. So we slept together. We didn't sleep together, we slept together in the same bed.

Cristina: What? (Shakes her head.) So the point is that you didn't have sex.

Meredith: Yes, I got no sleep, and no sex. (The rest of the interns come in.)

Izzie: Meredith, you look so tired.

George: Yeah, you do. Are you OK? (Meredith nods yes.)

Alex: She's fine, she was out taking a ride in her old model last night, or was it your new one? (Meredith walks over and smacks him in the head.) OK, maybe you didn't drive anything, but you sure need to. (Izzie smacks him.) Hey. OK then, I won't speak.

Izzie: You know, sex may not be a bad idea. (Meredith just looks at her. Izzie has no idea what it is like to be Meredith at this point in her life.)

Bailey hands out assignments and Meredith is with Derek for the day. She heads out to find him. He is no where to be found. She asks around, but no one knows where he is. She goes to find Bailey, but she decides to check the on call rooms first. She found him, in the on call room, sleeping peacefully. She did not want to wake him up, she just sat there on the edge of the bed, looking at him. She hadn't felt like this in a long time. She loved John like this once, a long time ago. Those feelings were buried so deep she didn't think they would never be uncovered. Finally Derek opens his eyes.

Derek: I knew you were watching me. I could just sense you there. What's going on? You look tired.

Meredith: I was assigned to you today.

Derek: Well, I had an emergency surgery last night. I don't have anything shceduled until 10. I need to get some more sleep.

Meredith: Sleep, that would be great. God knows, I didn't get any last night. Well, goodnight. I will hang out in the pit until you need me.

Derek: Sleep with me.

Meredith: What?!

Derek: I can see you are tired. Lay down, close your eyes and sleep with me.

Meredith: Bailey would kill me!

Derek: Go lock the door. (She does. Then she climbs in the bed next to Derek, and he wraps his arms around her. He feels so comfortable, wrapped around her. They both fall sound asleep.)

Cristina runs in to Bailey in the hallway.

Bailey: Have you seen Thompson, or Shepherd for that matter?

Cristina: No, she was assigned to him, right. Maybe they are in the Medical Library or something.

Bailey: Well, her fool ass better be doing something. She has been to quiet. I don't like quiet. She better not be up to anything.

A couple hours pass and Meredith awakes to Derek just watching her.

Derek: You look beautiful when you sleep.

Meredith: At least someone thinks so. (She cracks a smile.)

Derek: I have never met anyone like you. So free, so refreshing. So sexy, so bold. (He kisses her on the lips and she doesn't stop him. She kisses him back, it feels so right, she doesn't want him to stop. He starts to kiss her neck, she arches her neck. No one had done that in so long. He moves down lifting her shirt and kissing her abdomen, she is feeling butterflies in her stomach. He moves father down and begins to untie her scrub pants. She knows she has to stop him, she just has to, but she can't. He pulls her scrub pants down. He begins to pull her panties off.

Meredith: Derek, stop.

Derek: (Breathless.) What? He continues kissing her. (Meredith's body starts to respond to his touch.)

Meredith: Oh GOD, Derek, you have to STOP.

Derek: But, I really don't want to.

Meredith: I know. I really don't want you to. It's just not right. Not yet.

Derek: (Kisses her.) I respect that. You are definitnely worth the wait. (He gives her a cheesy grin.)

Meredith: Well, I'm not tired anymore.

Derek: Me either, just extremely horny. (She giggles.)

Meredith: Just you wait, you dirty boy. (They both climb out of bed.) One of us should go out first. We can't go out together. I'll go, but where?

Derek: Our patient is in room 425. Go there, I will be there in a few minutes. We have been researching about our case in the Library.

Meredith: OK.

Meredith walks out and doesn't anyone. She thinks she is in the clear. She makes it to room 425 and introduces her self to the patient, who has a small tumor in her brain. After a while Derek walks in and they begin discusing the patient.

Patient: You two look cute together. (They both smile.)

Derek: Well, Dr. Thompson is going to prep you for surgery.

In the OR Derek and Meredith couldn't stop smiling at each other. Meredith felt slightly guilty about what they have done, but she is so proud of herself. It took all of her will power to stop him. Every bit of her was screaming yes..

Derek: So is tonight the big night?

Meredith: Ah yes, the wonderful dinner date. I cannot wait. I have to go there from here.

Derek: I'm sure you'll have a good time. (He smirked.)

They day went quickly. It was almost time for her to leave. She had to get ready at the hospital so that they wouldn't be late. John was going to pick her up. Izzie had offered to do her hair and makeup and Meredith took her up on the offer. Izzie did a great job, she put her hair in a sexy up do. Meredith looked radiant she had on a gorgeous long, black evening gown. She put on her necklace and earrings. They were a mixture of black and white diamonds.

Cristina: Holy crap Meredith! You know that creepy bum that stands by the deli, the one that you are always buying sandwiches for?

Meredith: He's not creepy, but yeah.

Cristina: He could eat for a year on one of those earrings!

Izzie: They are beautiful! You look fabulous.

Meredith: Thanks for the help you guys. I've got to go before I'm late. (She hugs them both.)

As Meredith walked down the hallway every one was looking at her. She did look amazing. She passed Derek, and his mouth hit the floor. He felt a wave of jealousy, wishing it was him she was going with. When she walked out the door, John was waiting for her. He gave her a hug.

John: You look beautiful.

Meredith: Thank you.

The ride to the party was quiet. They arrived and sat down with the other two partners from the firm, Sam and Chris and their wives Nina and Joanna. There were also two of the Junior partners seated at this table along with an intern, Noah. They made small conversation over their dinner. Meredith wasn't really interested in what they were talking about. Now a crainiatomy , that would get her talking. After the dinner, many people started dancing and John excused himself and began talking with the clients and other people at the party. Joanna was still sitting at the table with Meredith.

Joanna: Rediculous, aren't they?

Meredith: Who?

Joanna: The wives. They have no idea what life is really about. It's just one vacation or shopping trip at a time. (Meredith laughed.) You know, I could tell you were different. John says you are a surgical intern?

Meredith: Yes, I am hoping to get into neurology. I love it.

Joanna: That's wonderful. You know, I worked two jobs to help pay for Chris to go to Law school. I don't regret one second of it. But these women here, they wouldn't dream of doing that.

Meredith: I think you're right.

Joanna: Trust me, I am. Your husband, he is the greatest guy, I just love him. I was so happy for him when he became a Senior partner.

Meredith: He worked hard to get where he is. He put us both through college. I would have never made it without him. (Noah walkes up.)

Noah: Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?

Meredith: It would be my pleasure. (They make it to the dance floor.)

Noah: You don't look like you are enjoying the party.

Meredith: It's not really my thing.

Noah: Mine either. I'm sure there will be a lot of these in my future, so I had better get used to it.

Meredith: Yes, you'd better.

Noah: So I haven't seen you on the floor once tonight. John hasn't asked you?

Meredith: No, but he's busy. It's not a big deal.

Noah: Everyone knows.

Meredith: Knows what?

Noah: That your marriage is crap. You are the only wife that isn't hanging a round all of the time, keeping tabs. He never gets calls from you. Never talks about you. You have'nt touched him the whole time you have been here. I saw him researching divorce. He doesn't handle divorces.

Meredith: I don't think that this is any of your business! (Noah's hand drops down from her hip, resting on her ass. He squeezes it.) What do you think you are doing?

Noah: Oh come on, I have a room upstairs. We could have some fun. (She pulls away.)

Meredith: Get your hands off of me you pig. You are lucky we are in the middle of this party, I would lay you out right her, and I don't mean sex. Touch me again, and you won't be having sex again in your lifetime. (He just looks at her flabbergasted. He has never encountered such a strong woman. John sees that something is going on. Meredith walks over to John, who is talking to one of the partners.)

Meredith: Do you mind if I steal my husband for a dance? (John raises his eyebrows.)

Partner: Of course not!

John: To what do I owe this pleasure?

Meredith: I am not allowed to dance with my husband?

John: So what happened with Noah?

Meredith: You need to fire that asshole. He felt me up!

John: He what? (He eyes Noah, and Noah drops his head.) Wait until I talk to him...(Noah was watching them like a hawk.)

Meredith: So you have been researching divorce law?

John: Not for us, for a client. He is getting a divorce, and insists that I do it.

Meredith: Oh...

She looked over and saw Noah. His smug little ass thinking he knows everything. She was mad. He may have been right, but he had no business saying anything. The end of the song came, it was an impulse, she had to prove him wrong. She looked John in the eyes, he leaned in, they kissed. Not just an ordinary kiss, one that did something unexpected. It opened a flood gate. It unburied her heart. All of the feelings that she had for John came rushing in like a dam that had just burst.

----------------------------------------

There will be more to this night tomorrow, I didn't have enough time to finish it. Don't worry, I am a MerDer shipper. This has always been a MerDer story.


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

The kiss was a passionate one, one that neither of them expected. Meredith looked into John's eyes, eyes that were so full of love and pain. They didn't say anything to each other. There were no words to follow what had just happened. He knew she felt something. It was the first time she had really kissed him since the affair. He grabbed her hand and they walked off of the dance floor. He kept walking to the elevator, and she followed him like a lost puppy. She was so confused, she didn't know what to make of what just happened. The elevator doors closed, he pushed her up against the elevator wall and kissed her. She let him, in the moment it felt right, it felt comfortable. The doors opened they rushed to his hotel room. He slid the card and opened the door. He had thought that this night was never going to come.

John: Oh God, I love you.

He takes off his suit jacket and throws it his shirt was next to go, then he unbuckles his belt Finally, He thinks. He begins to peel his pants off with haste. He needed her now. Like he has never before. He slide his hands down her back and unzips her gown, it drops to the floor in a pile, leaving her exposed to the world. She was feels vulnerable, like she was naked in front of the crowd. It had been so long since John had seen her, touched her. She was breathtaking. He examines her every curve. He walks over and puts his mouth on hers, he needed to taste her. He pushes her down on the bed, he kisses every inch of her body. She just lays there. He is in control, she is so confused. He unclasps her bra, exposing her breasts. He takes it all in, like this is the first time. She looks into his eyes. She sees his need, his want for her. He has a hunger that she has never seen. She loves him, but it's not enough. All she can think of is Derek. She couldn't do this, she couldn't _cheat_ on Derek.

Meredith: John...she can feel him reacting to her body.

John: Yeah? (He is out of breath.)

Meredith: I can't do this.

John: WHAT?

Meredith: I can't. I just can't, I am not ready. It's all too much to take in.

John: How long is it going to take? (His eyes well up.) I love you so much, and you just can't see it. I screwed up so bad. I would do anything to take it back. It's been so long and yet you can't let go. If the tables were turned, I would have forgiven you. The kiss, I felt it, there is still something between us. (He is crying.) I am getting tired Meredith. I am so tired...

Meredith: (Eyes welled up.) I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I felt it, the kiss. I love you John. I miss you. I miss us. But sometimes that is not enough. I just need more time...

John: I will wait, but I can't wait forever. I don't know what is more painful, keeping you with me, and you not loving me, or letting you go. I don't know if I can go on without you, you are my lifeline. I need you... to live.

Meredith: I'm sorry. (She is now bawling. She runs into the bathroom. She has to wash herself. She has to wash off all the hurt, the pain, the sadness she has. She can hardly look at herself in the mirror. She loves John, she realized that tonight. The feelings she had, have come back. Not as strong as they once were, he was like a candle shining through a translucent window. The flame was there, just not as bright. Now everything was bound to change.) Damn you John, damn you for making me love you.

When she came out of the shower John was asleep, or at least acting like he was. She laid down next to him and just watched him sleep. He was pretending for a long time, but she could tell when he he really did fall asleep. She could not even think about sleeping. All she could think about was the past. She remembered when they had a Valentine's Day party at school when they were kids. John gave everyone Superman valentines, except Meredith. He gave her a card, and a small box. The card was beautiful, and the box contained a necklace. The necklace was simple, nothing expensive. That was when he told her he loved her. She laughed and they walked home from school holding hands. She remembered when they went on their first date at the pizza parlor, and she ate almost the whole pizza herself and he couldn't afford to buy anymore, she was so embarrassed. She remembered when he taught her to drive, he never lost his temper. She remembered when he found out about Ray. He was so sad , so upset, so angry. He disappeared for hours, he came back bloody, she knew he had fought with Ray. Then she thought of the first time that had sex. It was the first time for both of them, it wasn't sex, it was pure love. She had never felt so comfortable with someone in her life. She also remembered when he asked her to marry him. He had worked all summer to pay for the plane to carry the banner that spring afternoon. The one that said 'Meredith-Will you marry me?' He had put so much thought into it and it had meant so much. Then she thought about Derek, oh Derek. God she was in love with him. When she wasn't with him she was thinking about. She doesn't know what she is going to do. She is going to be breaking someone's heart. She and John had such a history, but she and Derek, they could have a future. A very bright future.


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith couldn't sleep. She had to work tomorrow, and morning was creeping up quickly. She didn't have her car, and she wasn't going to wake John up to take her home. She decided to call a cab, and go straight to the hospital. She would beat everyone there and get ready before anyone noticed she didn't go home. When she arrived at the hospital it was quiet. She was wracked with guilt. She didn't know how she was going to face him. How was she going to tell him that she may still be in love with her husband, or at the very least that she was going to have a hard time getting the divorce. She creeped up the stairs hoping no one would notice her. Just as she was reaching to open the door, it opened.

Mark: You're here early, late night? Or night still going on?

Meredith: You have no idea.

Mark: Well, maybe you could tell me.

Meredith: (She sat in her gown on the stairs.) This is a mess, a huge mess.

Mark: It's never as bad as it seems.

Meredith: This time I think it may be. How long have you known Derek?

Mark: Since we were kids, why?

Meredith: How does he feel about me? (Hoping that maybe he didn't care for her as much as she did him, and it would make her decision easier. She could go on being unhappy, but she couldn't bear making someone else unhappy.)

Mark: I have never seen him like this. He is head over heels. I have NEVER seen him this happy. (She drops her head.) What's wrong?

Meredith: (Her eyes well up.) I have to go.

Mark: Meredith, Meredith! Wait, are you OK? (She briskly walked away to cry once again.)

No one was in the locker room when she got in there. She took her gown off and laid it on the bench and ran off to the shower. For some reason she always felt like she could just let it go in the shower. She could cry, hide her tears in the droplets of water and let them wash down the drain. Why did she have to fall in love? She was so stuck, so sad. She sat down on the floor of the shower. She knew it wasn't clean, not like at home. She didn't care, she felt dirty, like that is where she belonged, at the bottom of a public shower, with everyone else's dirt. She was mentally exhausted. She closed her eyes to think, she must not have realized how tired she was.

Izzie: Is that Meredith's dress?

Cristina: Yeah, so.

Izzie: He locker is cracked open. She must be here. I wonder where she's at?

Cristina: Like I know. I am her person, not her keeper.

Alex: Damn-it. The hot water was out in my apartment. I was going to take a shower here, and someone's in there. Bailey in going to be here in a few minutes.

Cristina: Maybe you should have thought about that before showing up 20 minutes before rounds.

George: Go to another shower, it's no big deal.

Alex: This is our shower, I should be able to use our shower.

Izzie: Quit whining and go find another shower.

Alex: Whatever, but whoever is in there, is going to hear it.

Cristina: Ooh, I bet they're scared.

Alex: Do you here me in there? (He bangs on the door.) Hey! (No answer. They hear water running.)

Izzie: I hope everything is OK in there.

George: Yell, and ask them. It is probably an intern. (George wiggles the lock.)

Bailey: What the hell is going on in here?

Izzie: Someone is in the shower.

Bailey: And what does that have to do with anything. (Izzie of course explains it all.) Karev, go take a shower up stairs. I don't need patients gagging because you stank. I will call maitinence, probably some damn childish intern left the water running and locked the door as a prank. You fools get to work, and where the hell is Thompson?

Izzie: Her dress is here, she must be a round somewhere.

Bailey: If you see her, you tell her to find me. I am going to kick her ass for being late. (Maitinenece showed up and unlocked the door.) I'll trun the water off. Hello? Is any damn fool in here? (She pulled back the curtain. Meredith was sound asleep in the shower.) HEY! Get your ass up! (Meredith opened her eyes.)

Meredith: Oh my God. (She jumped up, and covered herself with a towel.) Dr. Bailey, sorry. I must have fallen asleep.

Bailey: Ya think? Are you OK? (She could tell Meredith was tired and a lot has been going on in her life.)

Meredith: I'm fine, ready to work!

Bailey: You need to go home!

Meredith: I'm OK now.

Bailey: Fine, but if I see one wrong move, you are going home!

Meredith got dressed in her scrubs, and headed down to the pit. Bailey said at least there she couldn't screw up too badly.

Cristina: Where they hell have you been?

Meredith: I fell asleep. In the shower.

Cristina: That was you? We were all wondering.

Meredith: What? Everyone knows?

Cristina: They knew someone was in there.

Meredith: Oh God.

Cristina: So how was the party or whatever?

Meredith: Please do not remind me. I kissed my husband.

Cristina: Ooooh, you bad, sinful girl!

Meredith: Seriously! This is bad. I felt something. I don't know what to do. It was so embarressing. I just left him there. I watched then left.

Cristina: What? (Shakes her head.)

Meredith: OK here it is: John's intern felt me up and said our marriage is shit. I got mad, dance with my husband and kissed him to prove the intern wrong. We kissed all the way to the hotel room where we stripped, and almost had sex. I told him I couldn't. He cried, I cried. I took a shower, watched him sleep and then came here.

Cristina: OK...What's so bad about that?

Meredith: I think I love him.

Cristina: I knew it! So what are you going to do about McDreamy?

Meredith: I don't know...

Cristina: Youv'e got a mess.

Meredith: Yeah...

Meredith goes down to the pit. She is very distracted, but is doing her job. She noticed that Derek doesn't have any surgeries scheduled and he is off today. She is glad that he is. She just can't face him right now. Meanwhile, Mark is in his office when Addison walks in.

Addison: Hello, my darling husband.

Mark: Hello, my beautiful wife!

Addison: What's going on?

Mark: I have a facelift in an hour, what about you.

Addison: Just waiting for babies, they come when they want to.

Mark: Ain't that the truth. Have you seen Thompson?

Addison: No, why?

Mark: She was here early. I think it was 3:30am. I talked to her. She is troubled about Derek. She was on the verge of tears.

Addison: Should I talk to her?

Mark: Maybe it would help, she didn't open up to me.

Addison: I'll see what I can do...

Meredith headed down to the cafeteria. Usually she would find her friends, but today she just didn't want to talk to them. She grabbed a sandwich and a water. She grabbed a table in the corner. It was nice out today, that's why she stayed in, she knew everyone would be out. She was so lost in thought, she didn't notice Addison walk up.

Addison: Hey there.

Meredith: Oh, hey.

Addison: All alone?

Meredith: Yeah.

Addison: So do you want to talk about it?

Meredith: Talk about what.

Addison: What's on your mind.

Meredith: (She looked at Addison. Addison had always been nice to her. She liked her in an older sister kind of way. She felt that she could trust her.) Things have just been rough.

Addison: I've been there. Marrisge isn't always a pleasure cruise.

Meredith: How long have you and Mark been married?

Addison: 12 years. Seems like such a long time, yet not long enough. What about you?

Meredith: Almost 7 years.

Addison: That's quite a while.

Meredith: A lot of memories, some good, some bad. He's my family, my friend, my everything. (She drifts off.)

Addison: Not something you can just walk away from, and not think about it.

Meredith: Yes. Exactly! No one else gets that!

Addison: You are thinking about not getting the divorce arne't you? (Meredith just dropped her head.) Derek loves you. I have never seen him so happy. He is like a different person, bright and shiny. He used to be so dull, now he is talking about the future. But, he will be OK, if you don't choose him. He will be heartbroken, but he will survive. Mark and I will be there for him.

Meredith: I love him so much.

Addison: I know you do. I have to go check on a patient.

Meredith: Thank you, Addison. (Addison smiles, and walks away.)

The rest of the day went quickly. She was so glad when the day was over. So much had happened. She needed to get home to Lois. She was only here for awhile longer, and she needed to visit her. The other interns weren't in the locker room when she got ready to leave. She snuck downstairs as sliently as she had come this morning. When she got to the car she noticed something on the seat. It was a C.D. and a note:

_Meredith-_

_I am so sorry for all of the pain that _

_I have caused you. I did the worst thing_

_that and man could have done._

_I regret it everyday. I just want to move _

_forward, with you, my one true love._

_Love-John_

Meredith put the C.D. in her player on the drive home. She was feeling like she was being pulled in every direction, and soon enough, she was going to be torn to pieces. She listened intently to the song John needed her to hear.

_All this feels strange and untrue_

_And I won't waste a minute without you_

_My bones ache, my skin feels cold_

_and I'm getting so tired and so old_

_The anger swells in my guts_

_And I won't feel these slices and cuts_

_I want so much to open your eyes_

_'cause I need you to look into mine_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Get up get out get away from these liars_

_'cause they don't get your soul or your fire._

_Take my hand knot your fingers through mine_

_And we'll walk through this dark room for the last time._

_Every minute from this minute now_

_We can do what we like anywhere._

_I want so much to open your eyes_

_'cause I need you to look into mine._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes._

_All this feels strange and untrue_

_And I won't waste a minute without you._

Meredith was in tears by the end of the song. She knew she had to make a decision soon. It was hurting her so badly. It wasn't fair to Derek or to John. She should have never let it come to this. It was a monumental decision, a life altering one. All of the choices she made would affect them both. She didn't like having this control. It wasn't fair. Lois was sitting on the sofa in the family room reading a book when she got home. She looked to sick, so pale.

Lois: So did you have good time last night?

Meredith: It was good. We had a good time. (She didn't want to go into it.) I hope you didn't go crazy while we were gone. It gets lonely in this big house.

Lois: It was fine, I caught up on my reading.

Meredith: So, the other night, I was honest with you, right? (She was dreading this conversation.)

Lois: Yes, dear, you were.

Meredith: So now it's time for you to be honest with me. I know this wasn't just the flu. I am a doctor, I see sickness all day. What is really wrong with you?

Lois: (Lois' eyes welled up, she couldn't keep it to herself anymore.) I have cancer. Liver cancer. (Meredith lost it. She couldn't take this right now. It was too much. She could not control her crying.)

Meredith: How bad is it?

Lois: They have given me 6 months. (Meredith was having a hard time breathing. Her mom was dying.)

Meredith: What have they done?

Lois: They have done a partial hepatectomy, twice.

Meredith: Are you on the transplant list?

Lois: No, Meredith. I'm an old lady. That liver could go to someone who is just starting their live. It wouldn't be right for me to take it.

Meredith: But we need you, I need you. You can't give up. I love you, I can't lose you.

Lois: You will be fine.

Meredith: No! I won't, I won't be fine. Who will I call in the middle of the night when I can't handle life. Who will I tell my secrets to? Who will help me when I burn dinner? What about John? He lost his dad, he can't lose you. You have to fight! You have to win! (Meredith laid her head on Lois' lap and cried.) You have to fight...


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Lois sat there with Meredith's head on her lap for quite a while before either of them spoke. Neither of them wanted to. They both sat there hoping if they closed their eyes long enough, all their problems would just go away. Meredith knew that her prognosis wasn't good. She couldn't bear the fact that Lois didn't want to fight. Meredith finally broke the silence.

Meredith: So when are you going to tell John?

Lois: I'm not.

Meredith: What?

Lois: I just want him to remember the way I am. I want to visit you guys, have a good time. Then I want to go home and die, alone. I don't want to put the ones I love through this.

Meredith: No, you can't do that. We love you, we, I want to take care of you. You can't just leave, and die. John would not be able to handle that. He would never forgive himself. You have to tell him, or I will...

Lois: Meredith-

Meredith: NO! You are not going to do this...(She gets up and heads to the bathroom.)

Lois sat there silently crying. She knew that she had to tell John. She had hoped it would be easier than this. She would come, visit have a good time, and that would be it. John would never know how she suffered, he would remember her happy. Now that wasn't going to happen, she knew Meredith would tell him. She heard the garage door open, John was home. She decided to go to bed, before he came in. She knew she had to face it, but not tonight, she wanted him to have one more good night. Meredith took a long hot shower, then laid down in her bed. She heard John come in. She wasn't going to tell him tonight. She wanted Lois to do it. If Lois doesn't tell him by tomorrow night, she would. John came in after a while, she just laid there silently. She didn't want to talk, and she couldn't sleep. John laid down next to her. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. She pulled his arm up and laid it on her. He spooned up against her. His body felt so comfortable against hers. She took it in, let him feel safe, happy, because tomorrow he wouldn't be.

Meredith woke up much earlier than John. He was still wrapped around her, holding on for dear life. She pulled herself away and headed down to the kitchen to get coffee. She found herself worried about seeing Derek. She knew he was working today, and she had so much guilt about kissing John. She had to face it, she was in love with two men. The drive to work was easy, traffic was pretty light. When she pulled into the lot she parked at a spot next to Izzie's car. As she was getting out, she saw a familiar car pulling in next to her. He flashed her a huge smile. She smiled back. It was a smile that was full of every emotion is the world. Sadness for Lois, happiness to see Derek, betrayal for both John and Derek, anger at her mother. It was all too much to handle. She felt like she was losing her grip, falling into a pit, one that she could never crawl back out of.

Derek: Hello, gorgeous.

Meredith: Hey...

Derek: What's the matter?

Meredith: (Her eyed welled up.) Nothing...I'm going to be late. See you later. (She runs off leaving him standing there.)

Derek: Shit! Shit, shit, shit. (He stood feeling overwhelmed.) She is going to stay with John... (He knew he had to talk to her, change her mind, make this right. He was not ready to lose her, not by a long shot.)

Meredith was assigned to Dr. Montgomery-Sloan for the day. Addison had her running labs all day. The floor was so busy. They had a woman that was expecting quadruplets. Everyone loved seeing the babies. They always made you fell better, a new life, a new beginning. She had always wanted kids, badly. With the relationship she and John had it was never an option. She was running back to the elevator when someone grabbed her and pulled her into a supply room.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Hey. So earlier...

Meredith: Yeah, sorry. I have just been under so much st---(He pushes her up against the wall, his mouth covering hers. He needed her, he wasn't going to lose her this easily.) Derek, stop.

Derek: Meredith...

Meredith: I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

Derek: So that's it? Everything we had...gone?

Meredith: I love you. I love you so much it hurts. You are amazing, and caring, and sensitive. I kissed him. I never should have. It was a mistake, the worst kind. We've been together so long. I love you Derek. God, I love you. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you, it's not fair. (He kisses her again.)

Derek: I know you have a past. I know you can't just walk away and not feel anything. I know you will always love John. But here's the thing, I love you. I would do anything for you. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I need you. I am not giving up on us, I'm not. (He walks out leaving her standing there.)

Meredith was more confused now than ever. She knew whatever decision she made was going to be hard, and right now, she couldn't deal with that. She headed back to give the labs to Addison. While on her way she was paged. When she got to the floor, the patient was in labor. She was early and Addison knew that two of the babies were surgical. At least now she had something to keep her mind off of the men in her life. The surgeries went fine. The babies were all relatively healthy. She was scrubbing out when she got a page from Bailey.

Addison: Go ahead, it must me important. I'll page another intern.

Meredith: OK. (Meredith hurried down to the nurses station. She saw doctor Bailey standing there talking to a man. It was John.) What's going on? (John turned around, tears in his eyes.)

Bailey: You mother-in-law has acute appendicitis. We are prepping her for surgery. She is lucky she came in, her appendix was very near rupturing.

Meredith: Thank you, for paging me. Can I see here before she goes in?

Bailey: Hurry up if you're going to. (Meredith walked in, Izzie was prepping Lois.)

Lois: Meredith...

Meredith: What happened?

Lois: John came home to take me out to lunch. My stomach started to hurt. I just figured it was my liver. I didn't take my pills this morning. I hate being on those damn things. The pain got so bad. I told him. Meredith, I told him. He needs you. Please, take care of him. Whatever happens, I love you.

Meredith: Mom, you are going to be fine. Don't worry. Please. Don't give up, not yet.

Izzie: I really need to get you into surgery. Don't worry Mer.

Meredith: I love you, Mom.

Lois: I love you too.

Meredith walks out to comfort John. He is standing there in his suit by the nurses station, looking like he had been run over by a truck. She walks over an puts her arms around him. Everyone is watching, most of them don't know that Meredith is married.

Meredith: I am so sorry. (She lays her head against him. He pushes her away.)

John: (In a raised voice.) NO! No. How could you do this to me? You knew! You laid in bed next to me last night, you put my arms around you, and you didn't say anything. My mother is dying, and you kept that from me!

Meredith: I didn't want to be the one. She needed to tell you herself. (She is starting to cry. Everyone has stopped what they are doing, and are watching. Derek sees what is going on.)

John: Get the fuck out of here. Get out of my face. I can't stand to look at you right now. (He is very angry, and upset. Meredith looks at him and walks away.) Meredith! Wait, I'm sorry. (He walks after her. He follows her into the stairwell.) I love you. Please. (He grabs her arm.) I don't know what came over me. What am I going to do? I love her so much, she can't leave me. (He embraces Meredith and they both cry.)


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John kept pacing back and forth in the waiting area while Meredith sat in the chair. They had discussed Lois' cancer. John was very upset that she wasn't planning on fighting anymore, but he did understand her thinking. Lois had always been the type of person who was always healthy and active. She couldn't stand being in the hospital, and she hated surgeries.

Meredith: She will be fine. An appendectomy is a simple surgery. Don't worry.

John: She is my mother, I can't not worry!

Meredith: I know honey, I know. I just knew something was wrong with her when she got off of the plane, she looked terrible.

John: I did too. In my gut, I knew it wasn't the flu. I just didn't want to admit it. I will miss her so much.

Meredith: You can't mourn someone before they are gone, John. Let's just enjoy the time she has.

John: It's just so hard... (Dr. Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: The surgery went well. She is in recovery.

John: Can we see her?

Bailey: You need to give in an hour, let her wake up. Thompson, you can have the rest of the week off.

Meredith: I'm fine, I can work.

Bailey: Take off the rest of the day, and come in tomorrow. If I see you off just at all, you are going home.

Meredith: That's fine. I can handle it. (Bailey walks out.) Do you want to get something to eat, you look pale?

John: I haven't eaten since this morning. I want to see her the minute she wakes up.

Meredith: We will only be a while, she won't be up before we get back. Bailey will page me if we aren't here.

John: Oh all right.

John and Meredith walked down to the cafeteria together. Everyone was watching, waiting for them to fight again. She knew everyone would be talking about this for awhile. Poor Derek, she thought, he didn't do anything to deserve what was coming. Meredith could hear them talking as they walked.

Nurse Betty: Did you know she was married?

Nurse Sally: No. The way here and McDreamy were making eyes at each other. Can you believe it?

Nurse Georgina: He's hot, her husband. Maybe I can snag him when he leaves her for cheating. I heard he is lawyer.

Addison: So what are we talking about? (She knew.)

Nurse Betty: Oh, nothing.

Addison: Well, I suggest you mind your own damn business and do your job. (They weren't nurses from her floor so she wasn't worried about talking to them like this.)

Nurse Georgina: Geez. (Addison stood there until they all walked away. Poor Meredith, she thought.)

When Meredith and John got down to the cafeteria the chief was sitting there eating a sandwich. Meredith was hoping he didn't see her, she really didn't want him to meet John. She was already feeling bad enough about Derek. She figured everyone would assume Derek didn't know she was married.

John: You call this shit food?

Meredith: After a 6 hour surgery, yes. The P,B &J is safe. The salads are good. (John ordered a salad and a ham sandwich. Meredith just had a chocolate chip muffin, and a candy bar.)

John: You need to start eating healthier.

Meredith: What's wrong with how I eat.

John: Seriously? You are a doctor?

Meredith: Funny. (Dr. Webber walks up.)

Chief: I heard your mother-in-law had an appendectomy?

Meredith: Yes, we are waiting for her to wake up. Chief, I'd like you to meet my husband, John. John this is the Chief of Surgery, Dr. Webber.

Chief: (Shakes John's hand.) Nice to meet you.

John: You too.

Chief: Meredith is a wonderful doctor, you should be proud.

John: (Flashes a big smile.) I am.

Chief: Meredith, I thought I would warn you, your mother is here for a consult.

Meredith: Great, thanks for the warning.

Chief: See you later. Again, nice to meet you. (He walks away.)

Meredith: Should we invite her to dinner?

John: Funny.

They finished their food and headed up to the waiting area. Soon after arriving, Izzie informed her that Lois was awake. When they got in the room, Lois looked very tired. She was on a morphine drip, so she wasn't feeling any pain.

Meredith: How are you feeling?

Lois: I'm OK, but tired.

John: (He didn't know what to say.) Mom, I love you.

Lois: I love you too, both of you. (She closed her eyes to sleep.)

Meredith and John both slept in the room that night. John refused to leave the hospital. He called the office and informed them that he needed a week off. It was no problem, the partners could easily take over his cases. He was staying for the long haul. Meredith took a shower at the hospital. Luckily she had an extra pair of scrubs in her locker. During rounds she got to see Lois. John was there.

Bailey: Who's presenting?

Meredith: I will. Lois Thompson recovering from an appendectomy. She also has liver cancer, which is slowing her recovery time. She is receiving Morphine every hour.

Bailey: Good. Mrs. Thompson, how are you feeling?

Lois: I feel pretty good. I'm ready to go home.

Bailey: I'm afraid that will be a few more days. (Lois closed her eyes.)

Meredith: (Whispering loudly to John.) You need to go home and take a shower!

John: I don't want to leave my mother.

Meredith: The staff doesn't want to smell you. She will be fine. Go home. (Everyone is snickering.)

Bailey: Next patient. (They walk out.) Well aren't you the nagging wife! (Meredith just smiled.)

Meredith kept herself busy. She checked on Lois every chance she got. Lois finally told her to quite worrying and leave her the hell alone. She wasn't mad, she was just kidding. Meredith had a craniotomy to do with Derek. She couldn't find him, finally she spotted him in his office. She knocks on the door.

Derek: Come in!

Meredith: I have been looking for you.

Derek: I've been looking for you. How is your mother-in-law?

Meredith: She's doing well. Why were you looking for me?

Derek: He smiled. To give you this. (He handed her a small box.)

Meredith: What's this?

Derek: Open it! (Meredith opens the box and gasps. It contained a ring with a beautiful ruby setting. Derek comes around the desk and gets on his knees so he can look her in the eyes.) It's a promise ring.

Meredith: Like promise to marry you? Derek, I can't, I don't know...

Derek: No, silly. It's a promise ring. I want you to promise me something.

Meredith: I can't accept it. It's beautiful, but too expensive.

Derek: I want you to promise me that no matter what, no matter who you pick, you will do what makes you happy. If you pick John, or if you pick me. As long as you have that ring on, you have to keep that promise to me. I love you Meredith, I love you enough to want you to be happy even if I am not. Did you know he ruby is considered to be the most powerful gem in the universe? It is said to give contentment and peace and is a symbol of friendship and love. You have to wear it on your left hand. (He places it on her finger.) So Meredith, will you keep this promise for me?

Meredith: (Had tears in her eyes.) Yes, I will.

-----------------------------

OK, so not a long chapter, but a meaningful one. The story is beginning to wind down, and I am getting sad. I will miss it when it's over. Thanks again for the reviews!


	24. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Lois was feeling about the same. She wasn't getting better as quickly as a normal patient. Meredith tried to get her to discuss treatment options for the liver cancer with the oncologist. She was adamant that she just wanted to die peacefully, and not suffer through anymore treatments. John and Meredith had a long talk and decided that they needed to just let Lois do what she wanted. John was still spending the nights and days at the hospital. Lois was sleeping and John was sitting in the room when Meredith came in.

Meredith: How is she feeling?

John: She is OK. She is sleeping a lot.

Meredith: She will. She is fighting for her life and trying to heal after a surgery. Have you eaten lately?

John: No, I'm getting pretty hungry, actually.

Meredith: It's nice outside. Why don't you go down to the Corner Deli and bring us something back?

John: Sounds good, Mom probably won't be up much. Do your friends want something?

Meredith: Let me ask, I'll be back in a few minutes. (She smiled. John was that kind of guy. The kind that was always friendly, helpful, thinking about everyone else.)

John: OK.

Meredith got a list from everyone. All of the interns were happy to not have to eat food from the cafeteria. She debated asking Derek. She knew John would be perturbed if he had to get Derek lunch. She noticed Derek was with a patient, so that solved that problem.

Meredith: Here you go. Everyone wanted something. (She hands him the list.)

John: (Grabs her hand.) What's this? (Motioning to her ring.)

Meredith: Oh, um, oh that? It's a ring.

John: I can see that. A nice one, a genuine ruby, huh? Where'd you get it? Present from your boyfriend? (He was a bit cocky. But he was definitely a little upset underneath it.)

Meredith: No, no. I bought it, yeah I bought it, from Izzie. She needed the money. It was a gift from and ex-boyfriend or something.

John: (Not convinced.) Oh really? You bought a ruby, that doesn't seem like you. Besides, you don't wear jewelry.

Meredith: (Getting angry that he doesn't believe her lie.) Look, I bought it because she needed the money. It fit well, I like it, OK? Here take the list, everyone is waiting. We will meet you outside.

John: I'll be back in about 20 minutes. _How dare he buy her that ring. That bastard. She is my wife. Damn-it, why the hell did I tell her to date! Great idea._

Everyone went to the tables outside to wait for John, Meredith had to check a patient, so she was a little late.

John: Finally some real food. I am so tired of this hospital crap!

Izzie: Thanks for going. (Hands him money.)

John: No, no. I got it.

Everyone: You sure?

John: I can buy you guys lunch. You are Meredith's friends.

Cristina: Well, Evil Span should pay. He's not our friend.

Izzie: CRISTINA!

Cristina: OK, he is wonderful, he's great. We love you Alex! (Tips her head and says it sarcastically.)

John: So Izzie. That ring is beautiful. Is it genuine? Where did you say you got it again?

Izzie: What ring? (Meredith walks up behind all wide eyed.)

Meredith: This one silly! (She puts her hand out. Cristina kicks Izzie in the leg.)

Izzie: Owe! (Grabs her leg.)

John: You OK?

Izzie: Leg cramp. (Rubs her leg.)

Meredith: Are you cross examining my friends, honey?

John: Me? Never.

Meredith: I live in a court room, I swear. When he was in sixth grade, he was putting people on trial. He was born a lawyer.

John: Oh yeah? Well what about you, Miss doctor? Do you remember when I cut myself? You know the time you sewed me up.

Alex: What? I have to hear this!

John: We were in high school. Meredith and I were in my room fooling around. We rolled right off of the bed onto my glass table. I cut my upper thigh when we landed. I didn't want to explain how it happened to my mom, she already had issues about Meredith being in my room because she caught us once. So Meredith ran home and got a kit and sutured me up. Well it later got infected. So needless to say, I don't let her sew me up.

Meredith: No, say it right. The reason that he won't let me sew him up is because his leg slipped (She busts out laughing.) and I poked him with the needle in the, well you know. (Everyone starts laughing.) That sucker went in pretty far. (She busts out again.)

Alex: Dude, I bet that hurt like hell.

Meredith: You should have seen him scream like a girl.

George: Oh crap. (He flinches. They don't think it is as funny as the girls do.)

John: No, the humiliating part was when it had to be lanced because of the infection.

Izzie: Oh my God.

John: Meredith doesn't touch me for anything medical. (He gives her an affectionate look. Everyone sees how cute they are together. There was obviously something between them at one time.)

Meredith: Well, I have to get back up there.

Everyone: Yeah me too!

John: I need to go check on Mom.

::A Little Earlier::

Ellis was still in the hospital working on the consult. She was looking for the patient's room. It was incorrectly written down at 535. She walks in the room. She is shocked at who she sees. She had never seen her look so sick.

Lois: Ellis?

Ellis: Lois, what are you doing here?

Lois: I'm so glad you are here!

Ellis: Really? (Suspecting something.)

Lois: You see, I'm dying. I have liver cancer.

Ellis: Oh, that's terrible. (She really wasn't too sympathetic.)

Lois: So anyway I'm glad you're here. Now I can tell you what a worthless human being you are. You are a waste of life. Your daughter is the most wonderful person in this world. She is gracious, smart, happy, giving, non of which you are. She suffered all those years with you. Luckily she had us, because if she didn't I don't know what would have happened. My God Ellis, your boyfriend almost raped her! You said she was coming on to him. She came to me and cried for days. She suffered for a long time. So Ellis, I am saying that you are the biggest bitch I have ever known in my life. I have been wanting to say that since forever.

Ellis: (Shocked, Jaw Clenched.) You have no right. You just wanted to steal her from me. I was busy. I am a surgeon. I had priorities!

Lois: YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD BE YOUR PRIORITY! (She starts to crash, she can't breathe. Ellis called a code.)

Dr. Bailey comes in. They got Lois stabilized.

Bailey: What the hell happened?

Nurse: I heard a lot of yelling.

Ellis: She- (John comes in with Meredith.)

John: What happened.

Bailey: Dr. Grey was just explaining that.

Ellis: She went crazy. Started yelling at me.

Meredith: Get out! (She hissed.) Get out of my _mother's _room. (Ellis left with her head down. She would never admit it, but that hurt her feelings.)

Lois was doing better. Meredith was working, so John stayed there with her. Bailey informed Meredith that Derek wanted her. She went off to look for him.)

Meredith: Do you need me?

Derek: I was wondering if you wanted to scrub in on a Medial Facetectomy with me?

Meredith: Yeah, I need a good surgery. Ellis just about killed my Mom. (She explains what happened.)

Derek: Well lets go talk to the patient.

Meredith: John saw the ring.

Derek: (Raises his eyebrows.) And...

Meredith: I didn't tell him it was from you. (She gives an apologetic look.) I knew he would get mad.

Derek: It's OK. It's for the best, I don't need him running me over in the parking lot.

Meredith: He would never do that. Well, I don't think he would. You would look really nice as a rug in front of the fireplace.

Derek: Thanks! (Scrunches his nose.)

Meredith prepped the patient for surgery. They scrubbed in and made it into the OR. Ellis decided to sit in the gallery and watch the surgery. It was pretty empty. Cristina was watching. The other interns were busy with other cases. There was also a nurse who was on her lunch break and decided to watch. Meredith was happy to be in on this surgery.

Derek: Dr. Jenson, do your thing. (He is talking to the anesthesiologist.) It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun.

Meredith: _Dr. Jenson? Ray Jenson? Oh my God._ (Meredith immediately felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. She thought she was going to me sick. Her mom's ex-boyfriend Ray. The reason she had nightmares several times a month, was less than 10 feet away from her.)


	25. Chapter 25

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith turned pale. She was having a hard time breathing. She didn't know what to do. There he was, in the flesh, the man that attacked her. She didn't know what to feel, angry, or fearful.

Derek: Dr. Thompson, I need you to retract the area.

Meredith: (She didn't hear him, she was too busy thinking.) _I have to do this. I have to be professional. Maybe he won't notice me. I can't take this. I knew this would happen eventually, but this is too soon. I can't cry. Don't Cry! Calm down._

Derek: Dr. Thompson, Meredith!

Meredith: _Too late now._ Yes, Dr. Shepherd. (He noticed her voice was shaky and she was pale.)

Derek: Are you OK?

Meredith: I'm fine.

She begins retracting. The gallery now has a few more people in it. Meredith does not look at Ray. She can just feel his stare burning through her body. She was feeling like a piece of meat in a lion's cage. She couldn't take in anymore, she had to look at him. She had to prove to herself that she could. Besides, he probably didn't even realize that it was her. She did a sideways glance. His eyes met hers. Eyes that are so cold, so vile. At that moment it all rushed back. She gasped, she felt like she couldn't breath. He smiled at her. Not a 'Hi, how are you.' smile, a cocky, I am in charge smile. A smile that said 'I didn't finish what I started'. She felt like she did all those years ago. He knew it was her, and he wasn't going to pretend he didn't.

Derek: Are you sure you are OK?

Meredith: I'm just tired, sorry. All this stress lately. (She was hoping by carrying on a conversation, she could some how forget that he was eyeing her up.)

Derek: So now I am going to do the (Medical). She you know why?

Meredith: Because the (Medical) is seperated from the (medical) which causes a (medical).

Derek: I'm impressed. I don't know why. I always knew you were brilliant. (She smiles.)

Ray: Dr. Shepherd, It has been forever since I've seen a Medial Facetectomy done. Do you mind if I take a look?

Derek: Not as long as the patient's anesthesia is OK. I would hate it if he woke up.

Ray: That won't be a problem. (He smiles. He walks over and stands right behind Meredith.) Oh, this is interesting! (He is right next to Meredith's head. He is doing it just to upset her. He starts to whisper in her ear.) You still look sexy after all these years. (His hand touches her leg.) I've thought about you a lot. (His had reaches up her behind and almost between her legs. She flinches and shuts her eyes.) That dumb jock boyfriend of yours, he never knew what he had. I could have appriciated you, I would have shown you what a real man is. So, Dr. Shepherd, why are you doing that? (He only asked to distract him, Derek goes into a lengthy speech.) Mer-honey, relax. I know you never thought you wanted me, but your body has always said yes. How about after this surgery, you and I finish what we started all those years ago? (He rubs her leg and then walks back to monitor the anesthesia.) Thank you Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Do you see that? (He looks up at Meredith, who had a few tears falling. He just figures she is upset about Lois.)

Meredith: (With a shaky voice.) Yeah, I see it. He is lucky man. His quality of life will be much better now.

Derek: I think we've fixed the problem. Let's close him up. (Derek was just finishing closing him up before Ray reversed the anesthesia.) Good everyone!

Ray: So Mer, what do you think about what I said? (It was overwhelming. Everything he ever said or did flashed in front of her like a movie in fast forward. She couldn't take it. She was going to lose, she saw red.)

Meredith: What did I say to you?

Ray: What? (Looks at her like she is crazy.)

Meredith: Ten years ago, WHAT DID I SAY?

Ray: You said what you thought you had to. But I know what you were thinking. (He gives her a suggestive look. Derek is looking at her, he has no idea what is going on.)

Meanwhile up in the gallery:

Ellis: Oh shit! (Her eyes bug out.)

Cristina: What? (She was so busy watching Derek, she didn't notice what went on.)

Ellis: This is bad... (The nurse in the back, had seen what happened but she wasn't talking. Dr. Jenson is a good friend of the Chief's.)

Back in the OR:

Meredith lost it, she lunged at him. It went so fast, she punched him as hard as she could in the mouth. Everyone gasped. She had lost her mind. She was attacking a doctor for no apparent reason. Derek was shocked, he had never seen her like this. One of the scrub nurses grabbed Meredith to stop her.

Meredith: I'm fine, I'm fine! (She acts like she is done.)

Ray: (Touches his lip, which is bleeding.) You whore, I always knew you were crazy bitch!

That was it, that's all it took. She was going to do just what she had told him she was going to do ten years ago: She was going to kill him. She lunged at him again. This time Derek caught her in mid air. She started kicking, swinging, twisting her body and throwing herself. She was determined to free herself from Derek's firm grip. She had to get him, he had damaged her. She spent along time being fearful, not wanting to be touched or have personal contact. Everyone was in chaos. This had never happened. People ran out of the gallery and started telling everyone what had happened.

Meredith: I will kill you!! Do you hear me?

Derek: Meredith, quit it. What the hell is wrong with you?

Meredith: He- He- (She started to shake all over. She was having a hard time breathing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't catch her breath. She paniced. Everything went black. She collapsed, and fell out of Derek's arms and onto the floor.)

Derek: (To Ray.) What the hell is going on here?

Ray: I don't know, she just went nuts. You saw her. (He began to take the patient out of anesthesia. He had a towel on his bleeding lip.)

Meanwhile in the hallway:

Nurse Betty: You missed it! (John is in Lois' room listening.) That intern lost it. She attacked the anesthesiologist. She punched him, right in the face.

Nurse Jo: Who was it?

Nurse Betty: Thompson.

Nurse Kelly: I heard she knocked him out.

John paniced. It hit him, it was Ray. He knew someday it would happen, she would meet up with him. He briskly walked towards the OR, he knew where it was. He could just sense it. He started jogging.

Nurse Virginia: Sir, you can't go in there. That's off limits!

He kept running. He went in the scrub room, there she was. She was on the floor of the OR in the fetal position. He walked right in. He didn't care that he wasn't sterile. Meredith, _his_ Meredith was in trouble.

Derek: What the hell are you doing in here? You aren't allowed to be in here this area is sterile.

John just ignored him and scooped Meredith up. He looked at everyone in the room. Their faces all in shock. Everyone could tell there was something more to this story. John looks over at Ray.

John: We are not finished.

Ray: Is that a threat?

John: You bet your ass it is!

John walks out of the OR with Meredith in his arms. Derek followed behind him. He was worried, really worried. He had John take her to an empty exam room. Everyone was watching him as he carried her. They could see the affection, the love he had for her.

Derek: _I should have known, she was crying, Dr. Jenson was right next to her. What did he say to her?_ I need to check her vitals. I think she had a...

John: Panic attack? She has had them before.

Derek: What is going on here? She want crazy.

John: It's a long story, and not mine to tell. (He had one tear escape from his eye. Derek saw it. He knew it was bad. Derek checked her vitals, she was doing OK. He hooked up an IV. Suddenly Meredith work up.)

Meredith: She started to jump out of bed.

Derek: Meredith! Lay down.

John: It's OK.

She looked at him in the eyes. All of the sudden it all hit her, what had happened. She burst into tears and curled up in a ball. She felt like the world was ending. Lois had always been her rock. Now her rock was ready to fall off a cliff, and she felt like she couldn't handle it on her own. John got in the bed with her and spooned his body up against hers. She needed to know he was there for her. He knew what had happened all those years ago. He knew how she had trouble sleeping for months. He knew that she would lay in his mothers lap and cry for hours at a time. He knew her secret, and Derek did not. Derek quietly left the room, he knew there was nothing he could do for her.

-----------------------------

This is not over yet. Please review and let me know what you think!


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

As Derek walked out of the room he heard everyone buzzing about what had happened. He wanted to start screaming at the top of his lungs for everyone to just shut up, and get a life. He really felt for Meredith. He knows her well enough to know she is a strong person, not the type to break down. Now is is lying there in pain, she broke down, in front of everyone. He decided to go check on his patient, he had to gotten Izzie to take over for Meredith. As he was walking down the hallway, he saw the Chief coming, and he looked mad. The Chief walked right past him and towards Meredith's room. He decided he had better follow, to defend her if need be.

Chief: (Yelling loudly.) What the hell is going on? (Meredith didn't even look at him, she just laid there with her face nuzzled in John's chest.) Dr. Thompson! (Meredith looked at him with a tear stained face.) You can't just attack doctors in the OR. What about the patient? Did you think about the patient? You could have killed the patient! You are out of control! What do you have to say for yourself?

Meredith: I don't want to talk about it.

Chief: I am your superior. You will talk about it. (Meredith just looked at him, with a face made of stone.) OK then, as of now you are suspended. You can visit your mother-in-law, but so help me God if I see you near the OR or any other patients. You will be lucky if you are allowed to continue to be an intern here.

Meredith: Fine!

Chief: There will be a meeting with the board. I won't be surprised if Dr. Jenson presses charges, he has every right to.

John: (Yelling.) Let him try. I will drag his ass through the mud behind a goddamn horse!

Meredith was getting angry. She didn't know why. The Chief had every right to be mad. He didn't know what was going on. Meredith pulled her IV out and got out of bed. As she walked through the door towards the locker room she notices Ray. He was smiling his cocky smile. She wanted to lunge at him again, but that is what he wanted. She kept walking, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

Ray: Mer-honey, you need to relax, let me show you how. (He smiled a sly smile.)

John: (He grabbed Ray and threw him up against the wall. He grabbed his throat. A nurse called for security.) You son-of-a-bitch. I swear if you EVER look, talk to or touch Meredith again, I will kill you. I will slice your throat from ear to ear. But you know what? That would be too fucking fast for you to die. You need to suffer, the way she has.

Ray: I see you've grown up quite a bit, but you're still just a pussy jock. How does it feel? You couldn't protect her. You knew what was going on, and you just ignored it.

John was about to choke Ray when security came up. They pulled John off of Ray. John was upset, he was right. He knew that Ray was making Meredith uncomfortable. She insisted he not do anything, that she could handle it. If he done something when it started, maybe Ray wouldn't have attacked her. Everyone was shocked. They had gotten to know John since he had been visiting his Mother. He was such a kind, great guy. The kind of guy that wouldn't hurt a fly. Something was defiantly going on.

John: (To security.) I was just leaving.

John headed away from the room and noticed that Meredith was walking out the main entrance. He didn't want her to drive, he knew she couldn't drive when she was upset, and she was definitely upset. She had packed everything up from out of her locker. She never wanted to go back. John tried to catch up to her, but he failed. She was tearing out of the parking lot when he got to the door. He jumped into his car praying that she didn't kill herself driving. He caught sight of her on the freeway, she was dodging in and out of traffic. He wasn't going to try to catch up, there was nothing he could do. He would talk to her when she got home. John was shocked when he got home and Meredith wasn't there. _Oh God, I hope she didn't get in an accident._ He was worried, he had no idea where she could have gone.

Meanwhile: Meredith was driving erratically. She felt like she was being crushed by a boulder. Lois was dying, Ray had returned, she hated her mother, and now she was going to be kicked out of the program. Seattle Grace was her life. She has no regard for herself, and this very moment, she didn't care what happened. She knew the Chief was going to believe Ray over her, why even try? Finally she stopped at a liquor store. She bought two bottles of tequila. She drove to the only spot she could think of that she could be alone. She drove to the spot that overlooked the ferry boats. Derek had taken her there on a date. It was quiet there, she could drown out her sorrows, alone.

John was getting worried it had been several hours, and he hadn't heard from her. He called the police, and they laughed at him. They said she wasn't gone long enough. He started calling hospitals to see if she had gotten in an accident. He didn't call Seattle Grace. That was the last thing she needed, to have him call, and everyone this Meredith was even crazier than they thought she was. Meredith wasn't the type of person to hurt herself, but today he wasn't sure. There is only so much a person can take.

Several more hours went by and still no word. Finally he got desperate. He had to do it. He called the hospital.

Receptionist: Seattle Grace Hospital.

John: Can I talk to Dr. Derek Shepherd please?

Receptionist: Let me see of he is in, one moment please.

Derek: This is Dr. Shepherd.

John: Derek? This is John Thompson. (His voice sounded worried.)

Derek: (Concerned.) Is everything OK?

John: It's Meredith. (Derek's heart sank.) She never came home. I don't know where she is. She has never done this. She is fragile right now. I'm worried, I don't think she would hurt herself.

Derek: (He was worried, he had no idea what was going on. But the fact that John didn't _think_ she would hurt herself totally unnerved him.) I haven't seen her. I am off in a few minutes. There are a few places I could check. I will also ask the other interns, maybe she is with one of them.

John: Thanks Derek. She has been through a lot. (He gives him his cell number.) Please call me if you find her.

Derek asked around discreetly. He didn't want to give anyone a reason to start talking about what happened. The interns were also very worried about her. They were all speculating about what had happened between Meredith and Ray. They decided that he must have dated Ellis and he was physically abusive. Everyone exchanged numbers and started searching. Derek went to his trailer. He thought maybe she had went there to talk to him. The interns searched various bars. Joe said he hadn't seen her. Finally it dawned on him. The docks. He told her that was were he always went to think. As he pulled up there he saw her Jeep. A small part of him was really afraid of what he might find. He called everyone an let them know that he had found her. He told them that he hadn't talked to her yet, but he would call after he found out what was going on. John was upset and relieved that Derek found her. Why did Derek know where she would be? It didn't really matter, at least he found her. He pulled up next to the passenger side of the Jeep. He climbed out and walked up. Through the tinted window he could see her, and he could hear her. She was bawling. He opened the door, the smell of alcohol almost knocked him out. He noticed an empty bottle of tequila on the floor. She looked over at him. She didn't say anything. He sat down and the seat and they just watched the ferry boats. After awhile she spoke, she was definitely drunk.

Meredith: It just sucks, ya know.

Derek smiles, he doesn't want to pressure her into talking about it. She started rambling, she probably wouldn't have talked about it if she hadn't been polluted. She goes on talking about Lois, and Ellis, and the fact that she couldn't forgive John. She admitted that she loved him, a lot. She missed what she had.

Meredith: Everyday I dreaded seeing Ray, his touches, his looks, his comments. I had a feeling it would happen, and it did. He finally tried to rape me. If he hadn't accidently loosened his grip, it would have happened. I was so scared, but I fought. I got free. The shitty thing is, my mom said I was the one that wanted him, I was the whore. John has never forgiven himself. I talked him out of it. He was going to confront Ray, from the first touch. I said no. Maybe I was a whore. No, I wasn't I tried to stop him. I did. Poor John, was always supposed to be him and I. I got pregnant you know, by John. Just before we got married. I lost the baby. I was relieved. Can you fucking believe it? Relieved. I wasn't ready. I wanted to go to college. I would have never been able to do that with a child. I would have been a miserable mother anyway. I am the reason he cheated on me. I practically pushed him. He was devastated when we lost the baby. I couldn't stand to look at him, he thought I was cheating on him. I did nothing to prove otherwise. I knew he thought it, and I didn't care. Now he has wasted all these years being miserable with me. I am a mess Derek, don't waste your time on me. (She is crying hysterically. She has continually taken swigs from the bottle of Tequila. Derek cannot believe everything that has happened to her. A normal person would have collapsed a long time ago.)

Derek: Meredith you cannot blame yourself. You have to let go of the guilt. You have to forgive John, and yourself. It's what happened, life dealt you some shit, you have been through a lot, but you're OK. You made it. You survived. I love you Meredith, I am here for you. I promise, I will always love you, I will always be here for you. And John, he is worried sick. He cares about you, everyone does. You have an army of people standing behind you.

Meredith: (Smiles.) I love you Derek.

She lays her head on his shoulder, and passes out, but not before letting out a sigh of relief. Derek calls George and asks him if Izzie will bring him to pick up Meredith's Jeep. Derek carries Meredith to his car. On the way to her house he keeps talking to her even though she has passed out. He loves her, but after tonight, he has seen the trails that she and John have faced, together. He wants her to be with him, but he loves her enough to let her go. When he arrives at the house, John is at the door. Derek carries her upstairs to her room.

John: (Gives him a thankful look.) Thank you, Derek. I don't know how you found her, but thank you. (He looks at the smile on his wife's face. He loves her so much. It finally hits him, if she wants to, he loves her enough to let her go.)


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John showed Derek out. It hurt him, that his wife loved another man. He never thought that would happen. When they were young they promised to love each other forever. They both made mistakes, but tit was supposed to always work out. He made himself a Martini and sat at his desk to unwind. He notices the date on the calendar.

John: _Oh my God. It's today, today it the day we lost our child._

John headed up to Meredith's room, he needed to be with her. Meredith pretended that it didn't bother her, losing her child. She always cried in private. That day was always reserved to mourn. Neither of them worked, and they didn't speak to each other. Meredith knew that it hurt John, but she had no idea how bad. He was devastated, he wanted children so badly, and that was taken from him. When he opened the door Meredith was sleeping peacefully. After all of the alcohol, she wasn't going to be up anytime soon. He cradled her. He needed her right now, not the other way around. He just sat there and cried, for all that he had lost and all that he is losing.

In the morning he decided to go visit Lois. He knew Meredith needed him, but she wasn't awake. He made Meredith a hangover tonic and put it in the refrigerator. He left her a note on the counter. He also knew that Lois was fading fast, and his time with her was limited. As much as he wanted to see his mother, it saddened him to. As he walked through the hospital hallway, everyone was watching him. They were wondering if he was going to go crazy again. Everyone had gotten to like him, they all thought he was a nice guy. Now he and Meredith were the hospital gossip. He passed Ellis in the hallway, she slowed to talk to him, but he kept walking. He was in no mood to talk to her. He blamed her just as much as he blamed Ray.

John: Hey Mom!

Lois: Hi honey.

John: How are you feeling?

Lois: I actually feel pretty good. They said I could go home tomorrow.

John: Really? That's great. We will get your room ready.

Lois: No honey, home. I want to go home.

John: Mom! I thought we agreed you would stay here.

Lois: Jonathan, I need to be home. I need to be where I am happy, at peace.

John: (Tips his head sadly.) I understand. (He did, that was the home where he grew up, where she and his father were happy.) I will take you.

Lois: I will settle for that. Where is Meredith? I asked a nurse, her face got pale and she said she was off today.

John: She's sick. She is just not feeling well. She wishes she could be here, but she doesn't want compromise your immune system. (He had _almost_ convinced himself.)

Lois: Oh, I understand. (She was not convinced. She had a dream that there was a fight in the hospital. The way the nurses were acting, she was wondering if it really was a dream.)

John: Are you going to be up to getting on a plane right out of the hospital?

Lois: Yes, dear! I have been up and walking around. I haven't felt this good in a while.

John: It's the Morphine.

Lois: (Smiled.) You're probably right. (They continued to talk about everything. She was trying to ensure that he was going to be OK when she was gone.)

John: Well I need to get home and schedule our flight for tomorrow. What time are they going to discharge you?

Lois: They said 9am.

John: Well, we will count on 3pm. (They laughed.) OK, well I'll be back later.

Lois: OK, honey. (He gave her a hug.)

As John was walking down the hall, he ran into Derek. Derek looked up and smiled. He worried about Meredith all night long. She was really in an emotional mess. He wanted to see her, but he didn't want to make things any worse.

Derek: Hey. How's Meredith?

John: (His eyes got dark and sad.) I don't know. She hasn't woken up yet.

Derek: That's not good. She did have a lot to drink.

John: I know. She...she's been through a lot. More than any normal person could take. I'm worried. It will just take some time.

Derek: If you need anything, let me know.

John: Thanks, Derek. It's not often that your wife's boyfriend asks if you need help! (Laughs.)

Derek: (Laughs.) I have surgery. See you later.

Derek lied, he didn't have surgery, it was just too uncomfortable talking to John. He had to get a cup of coffee, he really wanted a scotch. On his way to the coffee cart he walked by Mark's office. Addison and Mark were in there, he decided to stop and talk to them. He needed someone to make him feel better.

Addison: Derek, how is Meredith?

Derek: I just passed John, she hasn't gotten up yet. She told me some stuff last night. The sad thing is that I don't think she would have if she hadn't drank a bottle and a half of Tequila.

Mark: What the hell went on? Everyone is saying she went nuts.

Derek: She had her reason, believe me. She has been through a lot. It is unimaginable. I just want to go, go be with he, and I can't. (Addison and Mark both get sad looks on their faces.)

Addison: You will get your chance Derek, everything will work out.

Derek: (Begins to walk out.) I hope so, for Meredith's sake.

::Earlier::

Ellis is walking down the hall, and she sees John coming towards her. She is feeling a little bad about what happened. OK, really bad. She needed someone to say that it was OK, that it wasn't her fault. She knew it was it all was. She slowed down to talk to John. He just brushed past her, like she was a total stranger. She deserved that. She had to do something, she had to fix this. She was going back home tomorrow, she couldn't leave things this way. She knocks on the door.

Chief: Come in. (Ellis walks in.) Ellis, to what do I owe the pleasure? Please, sit down.

Ellis: (Puts her hands over her face.) Oh Richard. I screwed up. I screwed up bad.

Chief: (Puzzled look on his face.) What's the matter?

Ellis: Ray, he deserved it.

Chief: What? (He was confused.)

Ellis: She was only 16, I should have stopped it. I didn't. I ignored it.

Chief: Ignored what?

Ellis: Ray, he tried to rape her. He was always making comments, I heard them. I always heard them. The touches, the looks. He is bastard, good for nothing. I was a terrible mother. I am a rotten person. I actually told her she asked for it, that she was a whore. What kind of mother says that?

Chief: Oh Ellis, you did the best you could...

Ellis: That's shit and you know it.

Chief: Ray came in yesterday, he isn't pressing charges. He is, however, pushing for termination.

Ellis: You can't do that! In the OR he was trying to touch her, he was saying things to her. I could see that she was uncomfortable. I just ignored it. He deserved what he got. I should have done it myself, years ago.

Chief: What do you want me to do? I have no proof that anything happened in that OR.

Ellis: There were people in the gallery, maybe someone saw. What about the scrub nurses? She is my daughter Richard. She doesn't deserve this. Please, as a friend, I am begging you.

Chief: I will do what I can. I appreciate that you came in. You did the right thing, Ellis. I know you think you did a bad job raising her, but she grew up to be a great person.

Ellis: Well, not because of me. (It was Lois, Lois raised Meredith.) Thanks, Richard.

Chief: (Buzzed Patricia.) I need you to get me a complete list of everyone, everyone that was in the gallery or in the OR during the incident. Start calling them in. This is very important.

Patricia: Right away, Chief.

John arrived home at 3pm. He called out for Meredith, no answer. The note was still on the counter, the tonic, still in the refrigerator. Nothing was disturbed, she must not have come down yet. John is dreading talking to her. A lot happened yesterday, and he knew there was a huge mess to clean up. Seattle Grace Hospital is her dream, her passion and as of right now she wasn't employed there. The house was quiet, an eerie quiet. He had to check on her, he had to make sure she was OK. He walked up the stairs slowly, listening for sound of life coming from her room. There was nothing. He walked up and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He jiggled the handle, the door was locked. She had been up, he didn't lock the door before her left.

John: Mer, are you awake? (Nothing.) Meredith, are you OK? (This time he heard vomiting. At least he knew she was alive. He heard footsteps.) I have to go back to the hospital and see mother. She is going home tomorrow. I have to take her back to Boston. (No answer.) OK, I'm leaving. If you need anything call me.

John drove to the hospital slowly, he had no energy. He was depressed. Too much had happened at once. It was like a set of dominos, when was it going to end? He parked his car and slowly walked in the hospital. He knew Meredith was depressed, but Lois was going to be really sad if she didn't get to see her before she left. Lois was intuitive, she always knew everything just by looking at you. He was not going to be able to keep this secret very long, but he didn't want to compromise his Mom's health by telling her. When he got on the elevator Addison was standing there.

John: Hi, Addison, right?

Addison: Yeah, how are you?

John: I'm OK.

Addison: How is Meredith?

John: She hasn't come out of her room yet.

Addison: Well, we are all here if you guys need us.

John: Thanks. This is were I get off.

John walks into his mother's room. She looks amazing good. Better than she had in the morning.

John: Mom, I scheduled the flight for 6pm. It that OK?

Lois: Sounds good to me. So, when are you going to tell me what's really going on?


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John: What do you mean?

Lois: Jonathan, I am your mother, I know everything! Besides I heard the nurses. Everyone is talking about Meredith. I'm just not sure what about.

John: It's that nasty flu, you know--

Lois: Son, give me a break. What do you think I am? A fool?

John: I didn't want to have to tell you. I didn't want to put more stress on you. You need to keep up your strength. It is one of the most important things. Emotional stress is bad, they have done studies and--

Lois: Stop rambling and tell me what's going on, NOW. You don't want me get upset? Well I'm getting upset!

John: It's Ray. He's here. In the hospital.

Lois: Oh no.

John: He was in surgery with her. I don't know exactly what happened, but it was bad. She attacked him. She literally punched in the face and attacked him.

Lois: Good!

John: What?

Lois: She needed to do that.

John: You, Mrs. Non Violence are now supporting violence?

Lois: She went through a lot, John. She needed an outlet, she used him. She used the problem as an outlet. Have you talked to her?

John: She swam to the bottom of the bottle last night. She passed out right after Derek brought her home. (Immediately he realized that said Derek. He doesn't know that she knows about the possible divorce.) She wasn't up this morning, and when I went home after leaving here, she was awake but not talking. She had her door locked as a matter of fact.

Lois: This is really bad. She needs some time, that's for sure. She's sensitive. She pretends she's not, but when it comes to this she is. If you say the wrong thing, she will dive into the deep abyss. Give her a couple of days, if she isn't talking by then, you need to force it out of her. She can not keep it bottled up. Poor baby. You need to go home.

John: I just got here!

Lois: You need to be there if she wants to talk.

John: She'll be fine, besides I don't think she will talk to me.

Lois: You get your ass home now! She is your wife, you be there for her, even if she won't let you.

John: OK, OK.

Lois: Just be here to pick me up tomorrow, OK?

John: Of course, Mom. I will be here in the morning.

Lois: You're a good man John, your father would be proud. (John smiled.)

John walked up to the nurse's desk. He stands there for what seemed like forever before a nurse finally came up.

Nurse: Can I help you?

John: Yes, can you tell me if Izzie Stevens is in today?

Nurse: Yes, she is. Would you like me to page her for you?

John: That would be great. Thanks! (After a few minutes Izzie came walking up.)

Izzie: John, how is Mer? (Her voice full of compassion.)

John: (Shakes his head.) That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Izzie: OK. Well what can I do for you?

John: I have to go out of town. I have to take my Mom back to Boston tomorrow. Meredith, she hasn't come out of her room. She won't. I need someone to stay there, just in case she needs someone to talk to. So can you stay there until I get back? I know it's a lot to ask...

Izzie: Sure. I would be happy to.

John: I know that she says Cristina is her person, but, well, she isn't exactly the most compassionate person in this world.

Izzie: (Laughs.) You could say that...

John: Are you going to be here tomorrow?

Izzie: Yes. I have pre-rounds.

John: OK then, I will bring you a key. Thanks so much.

Izzie: No problem. See you later.

John felt a lot better knowing that someone would be there with Meredith while he was gone. It was getting late, and John needed to get back home. He had to make some phone calls before the trip and he also had to pack bags for he and his mother.

Meanwhile in Chief Webber's office:

Chief: So, Dr. Yang, what exactly did you see on Thursday?

Cristina: I didn't see anything. I mean, I saw the surgery, I was busy taking notes. I was watching Dr. Shepherd do the procedure. I did see Dr. Jenson get up to watch. He was talking and standing close to Dr. Thompson. I did see her punch him in the face, but that was all I saw. Sorry.

Chief: I appreciate your honesty. I know that you and Meredith are friends. You could have come in here and lied, but you didn't.

Cristina: No, I didn't. For the record, she's not crazy. I'm sure she had a good reason.

Chief: Thanks Dr. Yang. You can go. (She walks out, a nurse walks in. This is the fourth nurse to come in. All of the others said she went crazy. They said she had no reason to attack Ray.) Nurse Smith, thank you for coming.

Nurse: No problem Dr. Webber. What can I do for you?

Chief: I want to know what you witnessed on Thursday.

Nurse: (She tried to read him. She had heard that he was friends with Dr. Jenson. She was afraid to say the wrong thing.) I, um, well. I guess, I didn't see anything.

Chief: Are you sure about that?

Nurse: I don't want to make any trouble, Sir.

Chief: I just want you to tell me what you saw.

Nurse: I didn't see a whole lot, but it looked like he touched her. In fact, I know he did. She jumped a little. Her face, he was making her very uncomfortable. I could see it.

Chief: Anything else?

Nurse: No, I don't think so.

Chief: Thank you for telling the truth. Although I am unsure as to why you were apprehensive?

Nurse: I heard you were friends. You and Dr. Jenson. I didn't want to--

Chief: That never matters. I want the truth no matter what it is! Harassment will not be tolerated. Whether I am friends with him or not. You can go...

Nurse: OK. (She exits quietly feeling very stupid.)

The last nurse came in. She was a scrub nurse. Everyone always said she was nosy. She always had all of the best gossip. She could hear way too well, and was always listening in on everyone's conversations. She told the Chief everything. The Chief was in shock. He believed Ellis. But part of him figured she felt guilty about Meredith's childhood and thought she had to protect her. Just then it was time for the last person to come in.

Chief: Come in. (Ray walks in.)

Ray: Richard. How are you?

Chief: Not very well.

Ray: Feeling bad about firing Dr. Grey or Thompson? Whatever her name is now.

Chief: No, not really. I didn't fire Meredith.

Ray: WHAT? She attacked me!

Chief: And for good reason, I hear. I have witnesses. They saw you and they heard what you were saying. What the hell were you thinking?

Ray: What are you talking about?

Chief: You know I was thinking last night. It dawned on me. I remembered when it was happening. You called on the phone. You were trying to rub Ellis in my face. When I didn't care, you moved on to the next thing. You said you had your hands on a hot young girl. Do you remember? I do. I remember every DAMN word of it. (The Chief is screaming.) How could you? I have known her since she was a child. You know, I'm really not that surprised.

Ray: What are you saying?

Chief: Do you really have to ask that? You are done here. DONE! You are lucky that I don't smash your face in. I want you out. NOW. Out of this Hospital, forever. (Ray gets up to leave.) You know, I at least thought you would try to deny it.

Ray: Meredith was forbidden. She was Ellis Grey's sexy daughter. I couldn't help myself. (He smirks. The Chief gets out of his chair. Ray ran out of the room, literally ran. The Chief followed him all the way out to the main entrance. He walked back up to his office. Everyone was watching. They know knew that Ray was to blame for what happened. They just didn't know why.)

Chief: Patricia, can you please get me Meredith Thompson's phone number please.

Patricia: Right away.

Chief: (Dials the phone. He gets her voicemail.) Dr. Thompson, this is Richard Webber. I just wanted to let you know that everything has been worked out. I need you to call and set up your schedule for next week. I also want to apologize for everything. I am sorry, Meredith.


	29. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith was still in her room when John came home for the night. She had been there all day. At this moment she felt like there was nothing. No reason to pull herself up, and no reason to dust herself off. Her job, gone; her child, gone; Mom, gone; Mother-in-law, almost gone; marriage, almost gone. The only time she got up was to go to the bathroom, and they was far between. She thought if she could sleep, maybe the pain would go away. So that's what she would do. Every time she woke up, it was still there, so she went back to sleep. If there was a literal self-destruct button, she had pushed it.

John walked in the house. It was dark, there wasn't one light on. What was he supposed to do? His mother always knew just what to do. He went upstairs for the third time today. All to try and talk to her. He had no idea the amount of pain she was in. He knocked on the door, again no answer. She was drowning, and he knew it. The water was dark and he didn't know if he could find her even if he jumped in.

John: Meredith, I'm home. (No answer. He heard something in there. Maybe the slightest sign of life.) _God, why can't he just leave me the hell alone?_ I am leaving tomorrow. Mom is going back to Boston. I have to take her. Izzie is going to stay here while I am gone, in case you need her. _Oh, now I need a damn babysitter too? I just want to be alone. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?_ (Meredith hears her phone vibrate again. She has messages, and she is not in the mood to listen to them.)

OK, Well, I'm here if you need me.

John leans against the wall and sits down leaning his head against the wall. Maybe she would come out. He needed to be there if she did. After a while he heard her start snoring. As loud as it was, it was a relief, maybe she was happy in her sleep. Maybe she was finding peace there. She wasn't, after about an hour he heard her yelling. She was having a bad dream, he only heard bits an pieces. The words "Please, no, Bella." It stung. Bella, their daughter. The only piece of the them, the link. The link that became a wedge. It was a hurdle they never overcame. John pulled himself, he heard her crying. He couldn't do anything for her right now. He took a shower and went to bed.

Derek couldn't sleep. He was worried about Meredith. He tried calling her cellphone. No answer. He heard Izzie talking to the other interns. John asked her to stay at the house. That was probably a good thing. She needed support. Izzie was great, she was always so bright and cheery. Maybe she could get through to Meredith. Maybe he should go over there when John is gone. Maybe he could get through to her. He laid there for hours tossing and turning, the same as Meredith.

John slept amazingly well. Maybe it was the sleeping pills he took. He hated taking that stuff, but he had to sleep. He had to make it stop. The memories. The sonograms. The baby gifts. The tiny casket. When he woke up, the only thing on his mind was his mother. It was 7:30am. She was supposed to get discharged by 9am. He stopped by Meredith's room before he loaded up his luggage.

John: (Knocks on the door.) Mer- I'm leaving. (No answer.) Please, say something. I need to know that you are OK. At least physically.

Meredith: (Weakly.) Please, just leave.

John: Goodbye.

John went right to his mother's room. She was dressed, and waiting for her discharge papers.

John: I see you're ready to go?

Lois: You bet!

John: I have everything packed in the car. How long did they say it would be?

Lois: You know doctors. Who knows how long?

John: I need to find Izzie. She is going to stay at the house with Meredith.

Just as John walked out of Lois' room, Izzie walked by.

John: Izzie.

Izzie: Oh, hey. How is Mer.

John: No change. I wanted to give you the key to the house. (He hands her the key.) The alarm isn't on. You can try to talk to her, but don't force her. She just gets mad. She needs to chill for a few days. Go ahead and park you car in my spot in the garage. Eat anything you would like, and make yourself comfortable. I will call to check up on her when I have a chance. Thanks so much!

Izzie: No problem. Try not to worry.

John spent the day waiting for the doctors to release Lois. Lois had planned on convincing John to take her to the house. She thought she could talk to Meredith, make her feel better. The doctor took forever to discharge her. By the time they did, they had to go straight to the airport. The flight went well and they arrived on time. Lois was feeling very weak, so she went to bed early. John watched some t.v. and decided to call home. There was no answer, Izzie must have still been at work.

Izzie got to the house around 8pm. It was quiet. John had left a few lights on and a note leaving her further instructions. She felt strange being in someone else's house. Especially when that person is in the house. She put all her stuff in the spare room that was next to Meredith's. She knocked on Meredith's door.

Izzie: Mer-it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you. If you want to talk or something.

Izzie was a little worried. Meredith didn't answer her. She hated it when she didn't know what was going on. She took a shower and went to her room. She heard crying. She felt so bad knowing that her friend was in the room next to her, hurting so badly. She didn't even know why. Why did Meredith attack Ray? What the hell was going on? Finally she fell asleep. She had to work early in the morning.

Izzie didn't bother talking to Meredith in the morning. She had to leave early and she didn't want to wake her. It was a very slow day at the hospital. There were no major surgeries and the emergency room was practically empty. Izzie ran into the Chief and he asked her how Meredith was. She explained how she hadn't seen her. He didn't tell her that Meredith could have her job back. The lunch conversation was Meredith. Everyone was asking how she was, and she was telling everyone the same thing. She didn't know. She hadn't talked to her at all. John called her cellphone and asked how Meredith was. She told him there was no change. His heart sank. She was relieved that he was coming home. She was not enjoying the visit. She was getting depressed just being there.

The Chief pulled up to Meredith's house. He never did this. It was unheard of to go to an intern's house and beg her to come back. He felt obligated. He had known her since she was a child, he was in love with her mother, and his good friend took advantage of her. Besides he needed her. She was going to be a great surgeon. One that he wanted in his hospital. He rang the doorbell several times. There was no answer. Maybe she was out. He would come back tomorrow. He would come back everyday, as long as he had to.

As Derek drove down Meredith's street he kept hoping this was a good idea. He had to talk to her. He couldn't sleep at night. He just kept wondering. He pulled into her driveway and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. He walked through the gate and into the backyard. The side doors and back doors were locked. He looked up at her room. The one with the small balcony. He could do it. He could climb it. Maybe that door was open. He shimmied up the trellis next to the house. He felt like a kid sneaking back into his room after a wild night. He had a heck of a time getting up there. He sighed a sigh of relief when he finally made it. Hopefully she wouldn't shoot him thinking he was an intruder. He looked in the door. He could see her sleeping. He walked up and turned the handle, success. It opened. The room was dark and stagnant. Meredith was lightly snoring. He walked up and kissed her on the cheek. She was sleeping soundly, she stirred slightly when he kissed her. Next to bed was a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka. Not a good combination. He poured the vodka down the drain and threw the bottle away. The sleeping pills he put in the medicine cabinet. As he walked to the bathroom, he saw her cellphone in a shattered mess on the floor, she had obviously thrown it. He sat down and listened to her steady breathing. After a few hours he realized what time it was. He had to leave before Izzie got there. He didn't want to tell Izzie her was there, he wanted it to be just them. He jotted a note on a piece of paper by her bed. He folded it in half and sat it on the table next to her bed.

Meredith: (In her sleep.) I love you Derek. (He just smiled.)

Derek: I love you too.

Meredith thought she heard her door shut. She woke up suddenly. She rolled over and noticed a note on the table. She began to lightly cry. She loved him so much.

_Meredith-_

_You will never know how sorry I am_

_that you have had to feel all of this pain._

_You are too special to for me to watch you suffer._

_You need to fight, you need to get through this._

_I am here for you, always._

_Love, _

_Derek_

The next day Izzie had off. Once again she tried to talk to Meredith. She wasn't sure what to do. John would be home today. Maybe she would be ready to talk to him. After running some errands, she came back to the house and decided to do some research on a surgery that were going to be doing in a few days. She couldn't think. All she could think about was Meredith. She decided to call her friends. She called them all, George, Alex, Cristina, and Derek. Maybe if they all tried to talk to her, they could get through to her. She was waiting around for them when the phone rang.

Izzie: Hello?

John: Hey Izzie, it's John.

Izzie: Oh hey, John.

John: I need a huge favor from you. I am on the plane on my way home. I just talked to my mom's attorney and they need some paperwork that I have. They need it within the hour. Could you possibly fax it to them? It is in a box marked 'Thompson-1991-92' in the closet in my office. The papers are in the red folder. They all have to be faxed, there are five of them.

Izzie: I can do that.

John: Oh good. This is important. Thank you so much.

Izzie went into his office and got in the closet. She saw the box. It was underneath another one that was unmarked. She didn't want to stand on the chair, it had rollers on it. She decided to pull the box she needed and hopefully the other one would just drop down in it's spot. It didn't. It fell out. She took the box she needed and faxed the papers. She wanted to get the fax done for him. When she went to put the box back she picked up the one she had dropped. She just gasped. It was a box full of baby items. She didn't want to be nosy, but she couldn't help herself. She grabbed the box and went to the family room.


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Izzie began pulling items out of the box. She didn't know what to make of it. The little pink onesie that said 'I love my Daddy', the tiny pacifier, a sonogram, little knit booties, a baby book. Then there was a card from Lois. Izzie couldn't believe it. John and Meredith had a child. There was a sign that said 'Bella', it probably hung on her nursery door, Izzie imagined. No wonder Meredith was so sad. How could she ever be happy, she lost her baby. Izzie was looking at the other various items when she heard footsteps.

Alex: (Looking at the items.) Oh my God, Izzie, you're pregnant? (Everyone's eyes bulge out.)

Izzie: No! (She hastily begins putting the things back in the box. Cristina walks over grabs the box.)

Cristina: What is this? (George comes over to investigate.)

Izzie: (Tries to yank it from her.) It's nothing. It fell. We aren't supposed to see this. Let me put it back.

Cristina: Like hell! I want to see it.

They all can't believe their eyes. No wonder Meredith and John had problems. Many people break up after the loss of a child. They all partly wished they had never come across the box. They couldn't say anything to Meredith about it. They were all talking about it when Derek walked in.

Derek: What the hell are you doing? (He grabs the box. They all look at him strangely. It was like he already knew. He begins placing the things back in it.) Where did you get this?

Izzie: From the office. It fell.

Derek: Put it back. (Izzie just looks at him.) Put it back! NOW!

Alex: Whoa dude. What the hell is your problem?

Derek: That is private. I can't believe you guys. (Shakes his head.)

George: It was wrong. I wish I hadn't seen it. No wonder Meredith is unhappy.

Derek: Have any of you tried talking to her yet?

Simultaneously: No.

Derek: Don't you think you should?

Alex: I'll go. (He walks upstairs.) Hey Meredith? You need to get up. Cristina is miserable. She is being even more sarcastic and hateful without you around. I can't stand being around her. I don't know what happened with you, but I'm sure everything will be fine. (No Answer.) OK then, I will just go. (Cristina came up next.)

Cristina: Mer, you really need to get your ass up. Everyone is so freaking happy. I need you to help me make them miserable. What do you say? Come on, come on. Don't make me beat the door down. Fine, I'm going. I won't damage your damn house. (George goes up.)

George: So Mer, we miss you. Everyone is asking how you are. We had this guy in yesterday. He was so funny. Every time we would say angioplasty he would bust out laughing. Then we would start to laugh. He had the funniest laugh. I guess you had to be there. Well, we miss you. (Derek comes up.)

Derek: I miss seeing your face everyday. I miss the smell of your hair. I miss your giggle and your tiny ineffectual fists. I miss wanting to kiss you in the elevator. I miss the looks over the OR table. Besides, you owe me quite a few dates. I miss you, Meredith. Please, I need you. (He started to cry lightly.) I miss you.

He composed himself and went downstairs. Izzie couldn't go up. She was so upset about the baby. She had given her baby away when she was younger. She couldn't imagine knowing that her baby died. At least Izzie's child was with a family. Not underground, dead. They all sat around talking about what they could do for Meredith. After a while they heard a car in the driveway. Soon after John came in. He sat his keys on the counter and his bags by the door.

John: Oh Hi! I didn't expect to see all of you here. (They all exchanged hellos.)

Izzie: I had them come over. I hoped they would be able to talk to Meredith.

John: And?

Izzie: Nothing, no change.

John: This has gone on long enough! She can't go on like this. (He walks upstairs. They all exchange glances, wondering what her was going to do. They could hear him talking.) Meredith, you need to come out. (No answer.) Damn-it Meredith! Get out here! Fine, you leave me no choice! (They hear a huge bang.)

Cristina: Did you hear that?

Izzie: Did he?

George: He just broke down the door.

John: Meredith, come on. You can't do this to yourself.

Meredith: Leave me alone!

John: No! This has gone on long enough! You haven't eaten in days. Get up. (He picks her up.)

Meredith: What are you doing? Get your hands off of me! (John starts to carry her downstairs.) Get your hands off me you son-of-a-bitch! (She starts to beat him with her fists. He just keeps going. Everyone is looking at him like he is crazy. What the hell is he doing?) I hate you, I HATE YOU. (He opens the back door.) Where are you taking me you bastard?

John: I'm helping you. Here, end your misery. (He walks up to the edge of the pool and throws her in. He just stands there waiting for her to come up. He started to worry, she wasn't coming up. _Oh my God. What is she doing?_ The others are just watching in disbelief. Finally she comes up gasping for air. She climbs to the edge and pulls herself out. John just stands there and looks at her. She runs over to him and throws her arms around him and starts to cry.) I know, baby, I know.

Meredith: Oh John. I'm sorry. I want to live, I want to live.

John: I know you do, baby.

Meredith: I miss her. I miss her so badly. I didn't want her. I didn't want her. It was my fault. She died because I didn't want her. (She is sobbing. The others feel so bad. Finally someone got through to her. They all left quietly. They didn't want to disturb them.)

John: No, Mer. You can't blame yourself. We were young. We were not ready. I loved her so much. I did. I miss her, but this is the way it was meant to be. This was not your fault. Nothing that has happened was your fault. I'm sorry Mer, I am so sorry that you hurt so badly. (John carried her upstairs and ran a bath for her. While she was in the bathtub, he changed her sheets. When she got out they laid there together. She needed to be in his arms right now. After a while he made her some food. She had to eat, even if it was just a little. She looked terrible. Even in the few days it had been, she had lost weight.)

Meredith got up in the morning. She went down a fixed some breakfast for she and John.

John: (Still in his pajamas.) You, cooking?

Meredith: Hey! Shut up and eat. (She places the food in front of him.)

John: How are you feeling?

Meredith: Better. I need to deal with this. It's time. Besides, I need my job back, and I'm ready to fight for it.

John: I'm right behind you.

Meredith: I know you are. (She smiles.) How is Mom?

John: She is OK. She just wants to be home, alone.

Meredith: (Shakes her head.) Are you OK?

John: I am.

Meredith: Good. Geez, I need to get this house cleaned. Look at this dust!

John: It can wait.

Meredith: It can wait? You the clean freak, saying this?

John: OK, OK you need to clean like mad. Hell, I'm off, we can do it together.

John and Meredith spent a few hours cleaning the house. It was a mess. Mrs. White hadn't been there in so long. She still had some time off. Meredith had to do it herself. John made lunch and they were just sitting down when the doorbell rang.

Meredith: I'll get it. (Opens the door.) Chief! How are you? Come in.

Chief: How are you?

Meredith: I'm a lot better.

Chief: Good, good. Oh, Hi John.

John: Hello, Dr. Webber.

Meredith: So, how can I help you?

Chief: You didn't get my message?

Meredith: No, I need to get a new phone today.

Chief: Oh, well, I want you to come back. Dr. Jenson admitted everything. He has been fired and banned from Seattle Grace.

Meredith: I can come back?

Chief: We need you. You are a talented intern. I want you back at Seattle Grace, it's where you belong.

Meredith: (Smiles.) Of course. When?

Chief: Whenever you are ready.

Meredith: I will see you tomorrow, then.

Chief: Glad to have you back. (She goes to shake his hand. He pulls her into a hug.) I'm sorry, Meredith. I shouldn't have been so hasty about suspending you.

Meredith: (Smiles.) You didn't know.

Chief: I do now. I'll let you get back to your lunch. See you later.

Meredith shows him out. She runs into the kitchen smiling.

Meredith: Can you believe it?

John: I'm so proud of you. I knew it would work out. It always does.

------------------------------

So what do you think? Meredith got her job back. More Mer/Der coming soon! Feel free to review!


	31. Chapter 31

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

John and Meredith spent the rest of the day together. He convinced her to go downtown and they filed charges against Ray and got a restraining order. She finally felt like she was moving on. Well, kind of moving on. She still had strong feelings for Derek. Derek felt so perfect, like she was the puzzle and he was the missing piece. She and John shared a past. They had been through so much, he was her best friend. But she could not stand the thought of not having Derek around. They could never be just friends, there was too much chemistry.

John: So when is the next date?

Meredith: I haven't really thought about it.

John: Well, your time is winding down.

Meredith: I know.

John: You have a very big decision to make. Me or him.

Meredith: What?

John: Meredith, I am no fool. You have feelings for Derek. I can't believe it. I never thought that there was a chance I could lose you. (John's cellphone rang.)

Meredith: _Thank God._

John: (Covers the phone.) I need to go to Boston for a client. Will you be OK?

Meredith: I don't need a babysitter!

John: Sure, I can go. How long will you need me there? OK, Yeah go ahead and schedule the flight. Thanks. See you later. (He flips the phone shut.) Are you sure you will be OK?

Meredith: I'll be fine. You need to check on your Mom while you are there.

John: Maybe this is a good thing. She is not doing well.

Meredith: She doesn't have much time left. I wish I could go. I told the Chief I would be in tomorrow.

John: It's OK. She will understand.

Meredith: I'm going to have to give her a call later.

John: I'm sure she'd like that.

John slept in his own room. He got the feeling from her that she didn't want him in there. He wasn't surprised. He hadn't won yet, Derek still had a hold on her. Meredith called Lois before she went to bed. They had a long conversation about what happened with Ray. Lois was so proud of her for standing up to him. Lois knew that Meredith would be OK without her. She could make it on her own. Meredith was getting ready to fall asleep and she decided to call someone else.

Derek: Hello?

Meredith: Hi...

Derek: Meredith... How are you?

Meredith: I'm good. I'm really good. I got a restraining order against Ray today.

Derek: That's great. Don't you feel better knowing that he can't come around you?

Meredith: I feel free. It's such a relief. I miss you...

Derek: I miss you too.

Meredith: The Chief is letting me come back. I'm working tomorrow.

Derek: Good. The hospital isn't as bright without you there.

Meredith: So, I guess I'm going to have to get some dates in, if I am going to reach my quota.

Derek: Is that so?

Meredith: It is. So I was wondering, what are you doing tomorrow?

Derek: I was thinking seriously about going on a date.

Meredith: Oh yeah? With who?

Derek: With you, of course.

Meredith: Pick me up at 5pm.

Derek: Sounds good. Now where exactly do you want to go?

Meredith: Somewhere casual.

Derek: I can't wait. See you tomorrow.

Meredith: OK. Bye, Derek. (She hung up the phone and covered her head. She started laughing like mad. She was giddy, she couldn't wait.)

When Meredith arrived at the hospital everyone was happy to see her. Most of the people knew what Ray did in the operating room. They didn't know about the past. They had an inkling that something happened, they just didn't know exactly what it was. When she walked in the locker room Izzie gave her a big hug.

Izzie: I'm so glad you are back!

Cristina: Yeah, it's been way too lonely around here. I've had no one to complain to.

Meredith: So that's all I am to you, a sounding board.

Cristina: Well, yeah.

Alex: Yang, you are so full of shit! Meredith, she has been miserable without you. (Cristina rolls her eyes.)

George: So how are you doing?

Meredith: I am great! Never better.

Cristina: What happened to my person?

Meredith: She went down to get a restraining order against Ray this morning. I left her there and came home in her place. I am moving on. I feel so great.

George: Oh Mer, that's great!

Bailey: OK people! Let's go. Thompson, I'm glad to see you back.

Meredith: Happy to be here.

Bailey: You are with She-Sloan today. Karev, Shepherd. O'Malley, Burke. Yang, pit. Stevens, you're with me.

Cristina: What? You're wasting my talents on the pit!

Bailey: Yes I am. Go people! (They all scatter.)

All day everyone was so friendly to Meredith, so concerned. It made her feel good, knowing that people cared. She had a talk with Addison. Addison was happy to hear that she was doing better. She wanted her to be happy, and in her heart she knew that that was with Derek. Derek had Alex running all over the place. Derek seemed especially attached to his patient. Alex couldn't quite figure out why. The man was in his sixties, and this case wasn't and extraordinary one. He was having surgery on his spine. All of the interns meant for lunch and talked about their cases. Meredith excused herself in the middle saying that she wanted to go see the Chief.

Chief: (Hears knocking on the door.) Come in. Ahh Meredith. How's the first day back?

Meredith: It's good. I am happy to be here.

Chief: Good, good. What can I do for you?

Meredith: I was just wondering, how did you find out? About Ray. How did you know what he did?

Chief: Well, I questioned everyone in the gallery and the OR and two nurses witnessed everything. But that wasn't how I knew to ask them.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Chief: It was your Mother. She came in. She poured her heart out to me. She told me everything. She feels so bad that she didn't stop it.

Meredith: Oh, shoot I have to go. Thanks, Chief. (She didn't have to go. She didn't want to hear it. She wasn't ready to forgive her Mother.)

The day went quickly and Meredith couldn't wait for her date. She took a shower and waited in the living room for Derek. She wore a nice long sleeved tee shirt and jeans. She didn't want to go somewhere fancy, she just wanted to be with Derek. It was 5:30pm and he still wasn't there. She started to get upset. Maybe he wasn't interested in her anymore. Maybe now that he had seen her breakdown, he didn't want to deal with it. It was now 6:30pm. She was getting mad. What the hell was he doing? She grabbed her keys and jumped in her car. She was going to see where the hell Derek Shepherd was. She pulled up to the trailer and there he was, sitting on the porch, drinking a beer. She gets out of her car and walks up to him.

Meredith: So now you're standing me up?

Derek: Oh, shit Mer. I'm sorry. I forgot. I had a bad day.

Meredith: OK. I can accept that as a reasonable excuse. Do you want to talk about it?

Derek: Not really.

Meredith: OK. (They sat there a while in silence. Meredith took a swig of Derek's beer. Finally she stood up and grabbed his hand.) Come on.

Derek: Where are we going?

Meredith: Come on. (She pulled him over to the hammock and motioned for him to lay down. He did and she laid there with him. She wrapped his arms around her.) So, Dr. Shepherd, welcome to my office. My name is Dr. Grey, what would you like to talk about?

Derek: What?

Meredith: I'm your in-house therapist. Come on, play along.

Derek: Dr. Grey?

Meredith: Yeah, It's a dig at my Mom. She says real doctors cut. So I use her last name. It really pisses her off. (Derek laughs.) So, what's going on?

Derek: I lost a patient today.

Meredith: I'm sorry to hear that. Now Dr. Shepherd, do you always get this upset when you lose a patient?

Derek: No, Dr. Grey. This one was different.

Meredith: How so?

Derek: Oh Meredith.

Meredith: What?

Derek: I can't take you seriously.

Meredith: Thanks! Come on, talk to me.

Derek: My dad died when I was 9. It was horrible. It was like a huge piece of me a torn out and never replaced. I felt so empty. I was the only boy, so it was my responsibility to do everything the man does in our house.

Meredith: Oh, Derek. I'm so sorry.

Derek: I just miss him. This patient, he reminded me of my Dad. He was around the same age as my Dad would have been. He had the same mannerisms, talked the same. I felt attached to him. He was on the table. I couldn't save him. It was like losing my dad all over again. (Meredith looks up and kisses him.)

Meredith: No one deserves to feel that pain. Believe me, I know.

Derek: Do you have a Dad?

Meredith: A Dad? No. A Father? Yes. I haven't seen him in over 20 years. He left, well my Mother left him. She moved us to Boston. I never heard from him again.

Derek: I wish I could make all of your heartache disappear. You have been through so much. No one should have to go through what you have.

Meredith: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...That night in the car. You saved me. I don't remember anything, except your face. I remember looking up at your face. You were carrying me. I saw your face, and everything felt better for the moment.

Derek: I love you Meredith. (Kisses her head.)

Meredith: I love you too.

They both fell asleep in the hammock in each other's arms. She never wanted him to let go of her. He felt the same. He held on to her like his life depended on it. Derek needed her. He had never felt like this. Who was he kidding, he couldn't let her go. He needed her to live. He loved her. They were each other's life jacket. He felt like if he let go, he might drown.


	32. Chapter 32

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith: Oh crap! (Derek jerked as he awoke.)

Derek: Wha--what?

Meredith: I was supposed to be the hospital and hour ago!

Derek: Shit. What time is it?

Meredith: 7am.

Derek: (Hurrying to get up. They were both still in the hammock.) I have surgery in 30 minutes. (They both jumped up and the hammock flipped sending them both to the ground.)

Meredith: (Heading towards her car, dusting herself off.) I have to go, Bailey's gonna kill me!

Derek: Wait! (He runs up and kisses her.) Good morning!

Meredith: Good morning! See you at the hospital.

Derek: Yep.

Meredith drove to the hospital frantically. They were both late. Hopefully people don't connect the two. How could she sleep so late? It was the best sleep she could ever remember. She felt so comfortable in Derek's arms, just their body heat keeping each other warm. She took the stairs to her floor, she couldn't wait for the elevator.

Bailey: Late night, Thompson?

Meredith: I'm so sorry, Dr. Bailey.

Bailey: I hope it was worth it. _It was._ Get your ass to the pit!

Meredith: Right away!

Chief: (Irritated.) Where the hell is Shepherd?

Bailey: I haven't seen him, Chief. (Derek runs up.)

Derek: Sorry. My car got stuck in the mud at my house. I finally got it out.

Chief: Well you need to get in the OR. Your patient has been prepped. Stevens is scrubbing in.

Derek: Sounds good.

As Meredith is walking towards the locker room she runs into Cristina.

Cristina: Where the hell have you been?

Meredith: My alarm didn't go off. (It did, she just wasn't home to hear it.)

Cristina: Did you even brush your hair? It looks like a rat's nest.

Meredith: Thanks! It's my new look. I have to get to the pit before Bailey kills me.

All day long all Meredith could think about was Derek. She needed him. He was the one. He was the guy. He was who she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. How was she going to tell John? It would kill him. For the first time, she was going to do what she wanted to do. Meredith happily worked away in the pit, nothing could bring her down. She was in love. There were a lot of sutures to do, apparently there was a bar fight that involved 12 drunken fools. She got on the elevator to get more suture kits and looked into the bluest eyes.

Derek: (There was a nurse in the elevator.) Good afternoon, Dr. Thompson.

Meredith: Yes, it is, Dr. Shepherd. (The nurse got off. He walked over and kissed her.)

Derek: So, are you up for another date tonight?

Meredith: Yep, and you are going to cook for me. I will be there at 7pm.

Derek: OK. This is my floor. See you later. (He gives her that McDreamy look.)

Meredith returned to the pit. She was having fun with the drunken men. They were hitting on her, and she was playing along. She had never had so much fun at work. Bailey was smiling all day because she got her revenge shoving Meredith in the pit. Little did she know, Meredith was having a good time. Finally the day was over. She couldn't wait to see Derek. She changed into her street clothes and got ready to leave, but not before sliding something into her pocket.

Meredith pulled up to the trailer just before 7. She could see Derek cooking. Earlier he asked her what she wanted for dinner, and she had told him to surprise her. She was so excited. Every time she got to see Derek she felt this way. She had a schoolgirl crush on Derek and it was intense. He smiled when she saw her get out of the Jeep. He couldn't wait to kiss her, and look into her eyes.

Derek: Hello, beautiful.

Meredith: Hey yourself. (He kissed her.) So what did you make? I'm starved.

Derek: You'll see, sit down. (He had a white linen tablecloth on the table on the porch. There were flowers in a vase, and the table was set beautifully. He brought out soup first.)

Meredith: This is fantastic! Oh my God. You really made this?

Derek: Yes, I did. (The main course was chicken cordon bleu with vegetables and a seasoned potatoes. The food was fabulous. For dessert was cheesecake, her absolute favorite. Everything was perfect.)

Meredith: I'm impressed. You know that I can't cook, right?

Derek: You may have mentioned that before. But I will have to see for myself. I will be the guinea pig for you.

Meredith: So, when are you going to give me a tour of this mansion of yours?

Derek: Right now if you want. It may take a while. This place is huge. (They both laugh.)

Derek walks in and shows her around, which didn't take long. The tour ended at the bedroom.

Meredith: So, I am impressed. It's actually pretty nice in here. I could live here.

Derek: (Gets a puzzled look. Is that supposed to mean something?) Really?

Meredith: Yep. (Pushes down on the mattress with her hand.) Bed looks comfortable. (She jumps on the bed.) Come here... (Pulls him up.) Yep, it's comfortable. (She lays on her back.)

Derek: I think it is. I got it from--

Meredith: Derek.

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: Shut up and kiss me. (He rolls over and kisses her on the mouth, she kisses him back. She needed him, she loved him. She rolls over and straddles him and begins unbuttoning his shirt. He pulls his shirt off as he is still kissing her. She slides her shirt over her head. He is in awe, she is so beautiful, so perfect. He undoes her bra, and slides it off exposing her breasts. He rolls her over and begins kissing her bare flesh. Meredith unbuttons his pants.)

Derek: Are you sure you are ready?

Meredith: Yeah...(She slides her hand in her pocket and pulls out a condom.) You will need this. I haven't been on birth control in 7 years.

Derek: Oh glow in the dark...

Meredith: I got it from the hospital. Put some glow on your light saber... (They chuckle.)

Derek continues to kiss her body. She hasn't felt that in so long. It just feels right. His tender lips caressing her body, his tongue exploring her flesh. He makes his way back up and kisses her lips. Meredith feels Derek enter her body. He looks at her face, into her eyes. Eyes that mirror his. Eyes full of need, full of love. He begins to thrust. With every thrust Meredith feels closer to the edge. This was perfect, this was meant to be. Derek has never felt this way about a woman. This wasn't just sex. This was love.

Meredith: Oh God, Derek! (She screams. Derek groans. They both climax together. He looks into her eyes.) That was...

Derek: (Out of breath.) Amazing.

Meredith: Yeah. Let's do it again... (Looks over at her wide-eyed.) 7 years is a long time.

They spent the whole night together. They couldn't get enough of each other. There was a need that they both felt. They needed to be together. When they were together, they felt whole.

The morning came quickly. At least this time they remembered to set an alarm. Derek cooked her waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. She was starving, she worked up an appetite last night.

Meredith: Last night was, wow.

Derek: Yeah, it was.

Meredith: I have to say, I'm impressed.

Derek: Me? You. I think it was worth 7 years!

Meredith: Yeah but...

Derek: What?

Meredith: I'm a whore. I, am a whore. I'm married. I can't believe I did it. It's the one thing I said I would never do.

Derek: Meredith...

Meredith: You know what is really bad?

Derek: What?

Meredith: I don't regret it. (Derek just cocks his head.) You, me. It's intense. I can't stop it. It's to strong. So, I am not going to try. (She smiles.) So, I need to take a shower. (She gets up.) You coming. (Derek jumps right up and joins her in the shower. Afterwards they got dressed. Meredith brought clean clothes with her this time.)

Derek: Who knew the shower could be so slippery. (He gives her a sly smile.)

Meredith: Well, we know now. I gotta get to work. I don't need Bailey riding my ass.

Derek: I have a consult this morning. I'll see you there. Oh, by the way... I want a date tonight.

Meredith: OK.

Derek: You are cooking for me.

Meredith: Are you sure you want that?

Derek: You bet. (Kisses her.) See you later.

Derek drove right behind her in the car. He went around the block by the hospital so he would be pulling in from the opposite direction. He pulled up next to her spot.

Derek: Good Morning, Dr. Thompson!

Meredith: Yes, it is. (She smiles.)

They ride up in the elevator together. No one else was in there. They were all over each other. The minute the door beeped, they stood on the opposite side of the elevator. Meredith happily walked to the locker room.

Cristina: Why are you so happy?

Meredith: It's a beautiful day, Dr. Yang.

Bailey came in and gave everyone their assignments. Meredith caught a glance of Derek in the hallway. She felt jittery all over. She needed him again. He was like candy and she craved her man candy. Meredith pulled Izzie into and empty patient room.

Meredith: So, hypothetically, this beast you speak of, how would one get rid of it?

Izzie: Beast? ( Meredith gives her a look.) Oh, that beast! Well, the beast is like an out-of-town relative that comes to stay at your house. It's hard to get rid of. First of all you cannot feed it! (Meredith frowns.) If it has been fed, it's a little harder. You will just have to ride it out. Ignore the beast. Do not feed the beast! (They do not know that Alex is outside listening.)

Meredith: I think that may be a problem.

Izzie: You--

Meredith: I caved. The beast had a feast last night. A never ending feast. A five course meal, a buffet. The beast also had breakfast. The food was phenomenal. The beast is screaming for more.

Izzie: So it was good? (Izzie assumes she is talking about John, as does Alex.)

Meredith: It was worth waiting 7 years.

Izzie: Well, you woke a the beast, now you might as well just keep feeding it. That's what I would do. Fighting the beast is too much work.

Meredith: Thanks, Iz. I gotta go. (Alex hurries off to Shepherd, he is his intern today. He can't wait to break the news.)

Derek had been giving Alex a hard time. Alex had been especially cocky lately, and Derek did not like it. In turn he was requesting Alex and torturing him. Alex couldn't wait to tell him the news. They were in the scrub room getting ready for surgery.

Alex: So it sucks, huh?

Derek: What?

Alex: Oh I heard Izzie and Meredith talking this morning. Meredith fed the beast.

Derek: The beast?

Alex: It's her sex drive. I guess she had hot sex with John last night. 'Best she has ever had', I think is how she put it.

Derek: (Laughing to himself.) Is that right?

Alex: Yep. So you're out of the race, huh. Done for. Finished. Screwed. (Alex smiles.)

Derek: Karev...

Alex: Yeah?

Derek: Go tell Bailey you are off the case, and get your ass to the pit.

Alex: What? You can't do that!

Derek: I'm your boss, and I just did.

Alex: Just because you don't get to fuck your intern, doesn't mean I have to suffer.

Derek: You don't know the meaning of suffer. Get out.

--------------------------

Finally some Mer/Der loving. I love them together. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but I'm glad I did! I didn't want to make Mer look sleazy, but who wouldn't do the nasty, nasty with McDreamy?


	33. Chapter 33

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

All during his surgery, Derek was thinking of ways to make Alex Karev suffer. He'd had more that enough of Alex's cocky behavior and remarks. He is his superior, what the hell is he thinking. After Derek scrubbed out he made his way to the nurses station.

Derek: How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

Nurse Debbie: (Giving him an unconvinced look.) What do you need Dr. Shepherd?

Derek: What makes you think I need something? (She glares at him.) OK, well Alex Karev has been getting pretty damn cocky lately. The crap that he said to me in the scrub room today was ridiculous. I need you to make him pay.

Nurse Debbie: I think that could be arranged. I'm sure there are bedpans to be changed. Yep, this could work for both of us.

Derek: This is why I love you. Oh, and by the way, I think he mentioned something about 'Nurses needing to get of their asses and do their job.' Yep, I'm _sure_ that's what he said.

Nurse Debbie: Well then, I'd better add the guy with the exploding diarrhea to the list.

Derek: Thanks, Deb. (He shoots her the McDreamy look. Karev is going to pay. He walks away.) I wonder where the hell Meredith is? (He mumbles to himself.)

Meredith and Derek shared a look earlier. She couldn't keep her hands off of him. She tried to avoid him at all costs. Derek was hoping they would meet up in the elevator. He didn't have anymore cases today and decided to make a stop at his office. Just as he got up to the door he saw Mark walking down the hall. He began to walk after him when an arm came out of his office and pulled him in.

Derek: Well, there you are! (Having 'the' look in his eyes.)

Meredith: Here I am. (She covers her mouth with his. He pushes her up against the door and locks it.)

Derek: We don't need anyone walking in.

Meredith: No kidding. (They begin to tear off each other's clothes. Meredith shoves things aside on the desk. He pushes her down on the desk, kissing her skin. They were getting pretty into when they heard someone knock on the door. Meredith looks up.)

Derek: Ignore it, they'll go away. (They hear a key slide into the handle.)

Meredith: Shit! (Meredith grabs her clothes and hides under the desk. Derek throws on his scrub shirt and sits in the chair. The rest of his clothes are under the desk with Meredith. The door opens.)

Derek: Dr. Webber.

Chief: I knocked. I didn't know you were in here. I came to pick up the file.

Derek: OH I almost forgot about that. (He squealed as Meredith placed him in her mouth. He was going to kill her. He frantically searches for the file.) Oh, here it is. (The Chief doesn't move, like he wants Derek to get up and hand it to him. Derek cannot get up he has no clothes on, and he would also be taking a person with him. Meredith has him at the edge. Derek sets the file down on the desk. The Chief finally walks over and takes it.)

Chief: (Feeling like something is going on.) Well, OK then. This is all I needed. (The Chief begins to walk out.) Oh, so who's in here?

Derek: What?

Chief: Do you have someone in here, perhaps under the desk?

Derek: Oh, just some hot intern, or is it a nurse? (Derek laughs. He is feeling the pressure, he is ready to explode.) Nope, no one in here. Have a good day, Chief.

Chief: Thanks, Derek. For the file. (He walks out. Derek moans with pleasure, finally exploding.)

Derek: That was wrong, on so many levels.

Meredith: It was exciting. Don't act like you didn't enjoy it! (She climbs out from underneath the desk.)

Derek: So, where were we? (He starts to kiss her neck.)

Meredith: Right...there! (He pushes her down on the desk. Just then her pager goes off.) Damn-it! It's Bailey. Sorry.

Derek: I'm not sorry. I got what I needed. It was a real...pick me up. (Meredith puts her clothes on hastily and runs out the door.)

Meredith: See you tonight!

Derek: I want dinner, something Italian.

Meredith: Beware, and get ready for take-out. (She runs to find Bailey.)

Bailey: Can you tell me why your shirt is on backwards you damn fool?

Meredith: I took it off, bra issues. You know what I mean?

Bailey: Humpf. Whatever. I need to you to scrub in on an appendectomy with me.

Meredith: OK.

Bailey: Go prep the patient. Room 4411. (She hurries off.)

Meredith: I'm Dr. Grey, I will be prepping you for surgery. (She smiles. Becky is the 25 year old patient needing an appendectomy. )

Becky Johnson: You look happy. You have the 'I just got laid' face on.

Meredith: I wish. Besides, I'm working.

Becky: Sure you are... (She smiles.)

Meredith: Do you have any questions?

Becky: Nope, the other doctor explained everything. (Meredith prepped her and wheeled her out to take her to the OR. She passed Alex in the hall.)

Meredith: You look like you are having fun!

Alex: Yeah. That bastard Shepherd has me doing all kinds of crazy shit.

Meredith: What you do to piss him off?

Alex: You should know, he is_ your _boyfriend.

Meredith: What the hell is that supposed to mean? (She grabs him.) You keep your mouth shut. Not everyone knows about Derek and I.

Alex: That's not my problem.

Meredith: (Smirks.) Well, then have fun with bedpans. (Alex walks away.)

Becky: What was that about?

Meredith: You just met evil spawn. Beware! (They both jokingly make the sign of the cross.)

Becky: You are awesome. You are a great doctor.

Meredith: Thanks, but this is just a good day! (Meredith wheels her in.)

Becky: Yeah, cause you just got laid! (Meredith laughs.)

The surgery went very well. Meredith took the patient through recovery. Then she informed the family that Becky's surgery went fine. Meredith had to get going if she was going to make dinner. She didn't think Derek had a clue as to how badly she really did cook. She decided to make ravioli. She has a recipe from Lois that was terrific when made the right way. She made a quick stop to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients she needed. When she got home she quickly began mixing ingredients and making the sauce. It was supposed to be cooked slowly over the day, but she didn't think that would make much of a difference. She was cooking for over an hour. She had prepared a nice salad. Who can't make salad she thought. Then she made a garlic bread which she was going to put in the oven right before he got there. Derek was supposed to arrive in a half an hour. She decided to take a taste of her concoction. It smelled great. She lifted the spoon and took a taste.

Meredith: Bleech. (She spit it across the room.) _Shit! Now what am I going to do? I really can't cook. Maybe I can pawn it off on Derek. No, it tastes like dog shit._

Meredith made the Garlic bread anyhow. She figured they could at least have salad and bread. She ran upstairs and changed into clean clothes. She had covered herself in sauce. She really couldn't cook, and she didn't care. As she was walking upstairs she noticed she had message. They were from John. She couldn't listen to them, not now. She changed into a nice sweater and a pair of jeans. She made sure to wear her sexy underwear. She knew she no longer had control over herself around Derek. She felt guilty. But it didn't seem to matter. She was just walking down the stairs when the doorbell rang. She smiled as she walked to the door and opened it.

Derek: Hey beautiful! (He looks at her funny and kissed her lips. Then licks her face. He makes a sour face.) You had sauce on your face.

Meredith: What? It's horrible, I know. I gagged when I tasted it. It is the worst ever. I told you I couldn't cook. OH CRAP! (She runs to the oven, which has black smoke coming from it. She turns on the exhaust fan and pulls the pan out of the oven.) Garlic bread?

Derek: Oh my God! (He is busting a stitch.) You really can't cook. (She makes a sad face.) It's adorable, really.

Meredith: I'm sorry. I should have just lied and gotten take-out. Now you know.

Derek: Now I know. Besides, I wasn't really hungry. Not for that, anyway. (He grabs her and kisses her.)

Meredith: You are terrible! Do you ever think of anything else?

Derek: Do you? (She laughs.)

--Reader Discretion Advised--

They walk towards the stairs and can't keep their hands off of each other. They leave a trail of clothing all the way up the stairs and finally meet their destination. She shoves Derek onto her bed. For a moment Derek wonders if she made love to John in this bed. He pushes it out of his mind as he leans over and kisses her. He gropes her breasts softly and Meredith lets out a soft moan and begins to kiss his neck. He pulls out her hair tie and combs his fingers through her hair, something about her hair always turned him on. The smell, he loved the smell. Her lips moved down his chest and stomach… she licked up and down teasing him with her tongue, finally meeting spot she was aiming for. He rests his hand gently on the back of her head as he lets out screams of desire. She moves up and kisses his stomach until her lips crashed against his. Meredith straddles him sliding him inside of her, while rocking slowly on him. His hands move up her sides and he grabs her tightly as he steadies her. He looks into her eyes and sees a desire he had never seen. He begins to thrust upward harder and harder. She let out a loud scream while her body shook. He released with a light scream. She falls onto his chest. He cradles her in his arms as they laid there trying to catch their breath.

Meredith: You are amazing. Thank you. Oh God. Thank you.

Derek: I have never felt like that in my life.

He kisses her on the head. They make love several more times. They are addicted to each other. They literally cannot control themselves. Meredith loved John, but she never had this desire, this need to have him like she does with Derek. Derek was like her soul mate. John was her best friend. She knew that John is going to be crushed when she tells him that she wants Derek.

_John pulls into the driveway recognizing Derek's car. I wonder what the hell he is going here? John pulls into the garage next to Meredith's Jeep. It is late and he is exhausted after his flight. He makes his way into the house and sees the kitchen in a mess. What is this? He thinks about cleaning it, but decides to got tell Meredith he is home first. He starts to walk up the stairs in the dark and realizes that there is something there. He flips the light on to reveal clothes. Shirts, jeans, boxers. What the fuck! He runs up the stairs following the trail right to Meredith's room. He busts the door open revealing Meredith and Derek in a compromising position. The both look up with a 'deer in the headlights' look._

_John: What the hell? Meredith! How could you--and you! (He looks at Derek.) You bastard, I'm gonna kill you! (He runs over, shoves Meredith off the bed and jumps on Derek covering Derek's neck with his hands.) You are going to die!_


	34. Chapter 34

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith sat up and gasped. She looks over at the clock, it's 2am, she has to get up at 4:30am. What a horrible dream, she thinks. She is very shaken up.

Derek: (Sleepily.) Are you OK?

Meredith: Yeah, I think so. I'll be right back. (She throws a tee shirt on.)

Derek: Where are you going?

Meredith: I'll be right back.

Meredith rushed downstairs almost falling over the clothes. She almost half expected to see John sitting in the chair. She was relieved when the house was empty. She went ahead and checked the garage and the driveway. His car wasn't there. Part of her wanted send Derek home. It was just too close of a call. What if it had happened? What if they had been caught. John would literally kill Derek.

Meredith: Shit. _This is stupid. What the hell am I doing? I'm playing with fire, that's what I'm doing._

She grabbed a garbage bag and began throwing all of the food she'd cooked into it. She was hurriedly scraping pasta sauce when she thought she heard a noise. She jumped and checked it out. It was nothing. Meredith throws the dishes in the dishwasher and turns it on. The kitchen was now clean and it didn't smell like smoke anymore. She ran outside and threw the trash in the can. On her way back to her room she gathered up all the clothing and ran up the stairs. She locked the door, and threw the clothes in a pile on the floor. Finally she jumped into bed.

Derek: Oh good, you're back. I was getting cold. (He smiles.)

Derek wraps his arms around her and spoons his body up against hers. She lays there for awhile. She is feeling guilty about what she is doing. She can't help it. She has been sucked in by Derek. She couldn't pull herself out, and she didn't really want to. Meredith listens to Derek's steady breathing and eventually falls asleep.

Meredith wakes up at 4:15 and just lays there in Derek's arms looking at the clock slowly changing minute by minute. She never wants to leave the comfort that she is feeling in his arms. She turns the alarm off before it sounds. She leans over and kisses Derek.

Meredith: Good morning. It's time to get up.

Derek: Already? The alarm didn't go off.

Meredith: I was already up.

Derek: Let's just lay here all day.

Meredith: OK. But I think we will both be out of jobs.

Derek: That's alright. I've saved my money. I just need you.

Meredith: You are pathetic, get up. (She gives him a look. He kisses her. As he does they both hear a door shut. Meredith gets a look of shock on her face/) Oh my God.

Derek: Who's here?

Meredith: I think it's John! Get up! Go in the bathroom. (He takes off towards the bathroom. She quickly throws on pajamas.) Take these. (She throws him his clothes.) I'l be right back.

Derek: I need to take a shower.

Meredith: Seriously? Oh, OK, go ahead and take one. I'm sure I will have no problem explaining to my husband why my shower is on, and I'm not in it.

Meredith quickly walks down the stairs. She is completely frantic. _What am I going to do? John doesn't deserve to find out this way._

Meredith: Hey, you're home early! (She walks towards him.)

John: (Walks up and kisses her.) Didn't you get my message?

Meredith: My phone hasn't been working right. I don't know what's wrong with it. (This was a lie.)

John: (Points outside.) Isn't that Derek's car?

Meredith: (Not missing a beat.) Oh yeah. He came over to drop off some surgery tapes I loaned him. It wouldn't start. I think he's getting it towed to the shop today. I will have to call him later. Maybe I'll run in to him in the hospital. _I am getting way too good at lying!_

John: Oh. Well I wonder what's wrong with it?

Meredith: I don't know, I'm not a mechanic. Well, welcome home. I have to get ready for work. You probably want to get to bed after your flight.

John: No, I slept on the plane. I'm feeling pretty good.

Meredith: Oh, good. (She runs up the stairs trying to figure out what she is going to do. She shuts and locks her door and enters the bathroom.) He's here. (They whisper.)

Derek: Oh shit. This I didn't see coming. (She gets a look.) What, did you?

Meredith: I had a feeling. That's why I got up last night and cleaned the house.

Derek: You did? So that's where you went. How the hell am I going to get out of here?

Meredith: I have a plan.

Derek: You have a plan?

Meredith: I have a plan! (Meredith walks over and and grabs a letter opener.)

Derek: (Gets wide eyes.) You're going to kill me?!

Meredith: Of course not. (She fills him in on her plan. Then walks over to her sliding door that leads to the balcony. She jams the letter opener into the latch.)

Derek: What the hell are you doing?

Meredith: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm breaking my door. (Meredith successfully breaks the lock.) I have to take a shower.

Derek: So do I! (She grabs him.)

Meredith: Come on, but no touching. You have to be quiet. (She jumps in the shower and Derek follows. His body reacts as he watches the water trickling down her skin. He pushes her against the wall.) I'm serious!

Derek: I was too yesterday. You know, when the chief was in my office. (He covers her mouth with his. Meredith grabs the shampoo, ignores him and lathers up her hair.) Oh, come on, please!

Meredith: Derek, my husband is downstairs. (He begins to run his hands down her body. She can't stop him. Meredith is quietly moaning. She knows she had to control herself. Derek begins tickling her with his tongue. She begins laughing hysterically.) Stop!

Derek: What?

Meredith: Seriously! OK, then. (She opens the door and walks out.)

Derek: That's not right!

Meredith: You better hurry up! (They both finish their shower and quickly get dressed. Now they have to execute 'The Plan'. They both begin walking down the hall, placing their feet on the floor at the exact same time. She leads him into the guest room and leaves him in there standing around the corner. She leaves the room and continues towards the stairs.)

Meredith: John, honey. Can you come here for a second? (Derek cringed at her having a conversation with John. He wanted to tackle John and throw him down the stairs.)

John: You sounded like you were having a good time in the shower. What do you need?

Meredith: I was laughing at the radio, you had to be there to appreciate it. I need you to look at my door. (He walks upstairs. She takes him in her room and shows him the door.)

John: What the hell happened here?

Meredith: I don't know, I went to open it and it broke.

John: It looks like someone broke it with something.

Meredith: Maybe someone tried to break in?

John: From the inside? Maybe it was like that when we moved in. (Just as planned, Meredith's alarm begins to blare. Meredith slowly makes her way over to turn it off. Derek is running like hell to the garage to get into the back of Meredith's Jeep.)

Meredith: Damn thing. It never works right. (Just then they hear a loud bang.)

John: What the hell was that?

Meredith: It sounds like something fell. Oh shoot! I have to go. I will check to see if anything fell on my way out. (He leans over and kisses her. She feels sick.) See you later.

John: See you later.

Meredith hurries to the garage. She sees something has fallen off of the shelf. She climbs into her Jeep.

Meredith: Stay back there.

Derek: OK.

Meredith: You can come up here after we pass the Guard's building. (She nervously pulls out, and drives down the road and out of the housing development.) OK, I think we're safe!

Derek: Holy shit! That was close. (He climbs up to the front seat holding her white sweater over his face.)

Meredith: (Looks over.) Oh my God! Are you OK. (She sees some blood and pulls off the road.)

Derek: I fell, coming into the garage. (He pulls the sweater off of his face.) I think I broke my nose.

Meredith: I think you did. I'm sorry. Are you OK? Does it hurt?

Derek: I'm fine. Hopefully Mark is in. You scare me.

Meredith: Why?

Derek: Your plan. People don't just think that stuff up.

Meredith: (Laughs.) I do. Don't knock it. It worked.

Derek: I'm not.

Meredith: I have to tell him.

Derek: What?

Meredith: I have to tell him I want the divorce. I can't do this. I am an adulterous whore.

Derek: No you're not!

Meredith: Yes, I am.

Derek: Well, you're my adulterous whore then! I am your mistress. Dirty mistress. I like the sound of it.

Meredith: I can't deal with you. (They arrive at the hospital.)

Derek: Do you want to go in separately?

Meredith: No, I'm not leaving you. This is my fault. We'll take the stairs. We have proven to be very good sneakers!

They walk in and head right to the stairs. The hospital is pretty empty. As they are going up the stairs, they hear a door from a lower floor open.

Meredith: Shit! Hurry up. (They start running up the stairs. Meredith looks back to see if anyone is coming and misses a stair completely. She tumbles down the stairs.) Son-of-a-bitch! Save yourself!

Derek: I'm not leaving you. (They both laugh. Izzie and George jog up the stairs.)

Izzie: Are we sneaking? (She laughs. Then her face gets concerned as she sees that Derek is bloody and Meredith is hurt.) Are you OK.

Meredith: (Starts to get up.) I think so. Ow ow. It hurts.

Izzie: Maybe you broke your ankle. (George and Izzie help her walk up the stairs. They are almost to their floor.)

Meredith: (Looks at Derek.) You know what this is?

Derek: Karma.

Meredith: Yep. (George and Izzie just look at each other. They have no idea what's going on.)

George and Izzie take her to a room and go find Callie. Cristina walks by and sees her and walks in. Derek looks for Mark and finds him in his office with Addison.

Derek: (Walks in with his sweater, and shuts the door.) I need your help. (He uncovers his face.)

Mark: Oh shit! What'd you do? (Takes a look at his nose.) It's definitely broken.

Derek: It's a long story. Will you fix it?

Mark: Sure, if I get to hear that story.

Derek: Fine. (They are his best friends. He tells them the story. Addison and Mark are doubled over. Mark snaps his nose back into place and tapes it. Addison grabs the sweater.)

Addison: Oh my God! This is a Balenciaga alpaca sweater!

Mark & Derek: So?

Addison: This thing is like $700! She is going to kill you!

Derek: Crap! Can you get the blood out?

Addison: Uh, I don't think so.

Mark: I think that is the least of his problems. If Meredith's husband finds out about everything, he's gonna be a dead man!

Derek: Thanks!

Addison: I have to go. See you later. (She kisses Mark and leaves.)

Mark: So was it good?

Derek: You cannot even imagine. Let's just say if he does kill me, I'll die a happy man!

Mark: Nice.

Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie are in the room waiting for Callie to come back with the x-ray.

Cristina: So tell me. Why were you sneaking into the hospital with Derek?

Meredith: This is bad. Really bad. I am going to go straight to hell.

Izzie: It can't be that bad.

Meredith: I slept with Derek. (They are both shocked.)

Izzie: Ok, so you slept with Derek. That's forgivable. It was a one time lapse in judgment. John never has to know.

Cristina: She didn't sleep with him once. (She looks at Meredith.) Did you?

Meredith: (Dropped her head.) No. I have to tell him, John I mean.

Cristina: You can't tell him you have been screwing McDreamy!

Meredith: Not that. I want the divorce. I pick Derek. He's the one. I love him.

Izzie: Oh crap! This can't go well!

Meredith: Friday. I am telling him Friday, at Joe's. We won't have enough liquor in the house. Oh, God! I won't be able to go home. This is bad. I can't deal with this. (Callie walks in.)

Callie: It's just a sprain. You were lucky. Here are some nifty crutches I know you love them!

Meredith: Thanks! I need to get to the locker room. Bailey is probably wondering where her interns are.

-----------------------------

I will finish this day tomorrow. I loved writing this chapter. I thought it up at work. I was busting out laughing just thinking of Derek flying face first on the concrete while running from certain danger. Thanks for reading!


	35. Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Bailey: Thompson, what the hell did you do?

Meredith: I sprained my ankle. It's fine.

Bailey: You can do SCUT.

Meredith: I'm fine!

Bailey: So you'll be fine, doing SCUT. (Meredith groaned and walked away.)

Bailey gave out assignments to everyone. Alex was still being a slave for Debbie. He was getting tired of it, and the more he complained, the worse it got. Meredith hated doing SCUT, she was a surgical intern, she wanted to cut. Meredith was working on some patient files when Derek walked up with something in his hand. She busted out laughing.

Derek: What?

Meredith: Nice tape! (She continued to laugh.) Is your nose OK?

Derek: I'm OK. How's your ankle?

Meredith: It's OK. A little sore, but I'm fine.

Derek: (Hands her the sweater.) Here, I'm sorry.

Meredith: It's just a sweater.

Derek: From what Addison tells me, it's a very expensive sweater.

Meredith: Yes, but still a sweater. Maybe I'll wear it on Halloween.

Derek: This is why I love you. So what are you assigned to today?

Meredith: Bailey has me doing SCUT.

Derek: Have fun with that. She gave me Stevens, so I don't have anything for you.

Meredith: I'm sure I'll survive! (He walks away.)

Meredith was getting pretty hungry considering she didn't have any breakfast. She decided to shove the sweater in her locker and go outside and get a muffin or something to eat. She had gotten most of her work done, so Bailey couldn't really complain. She was just sitting down with her coffee and muffin when her cellphone rang. It was John.

Meredith: Hey.

John: Hey. How are you? You rushed out this morning.

Meredith: I'm fine. I didn't want to be late. Besides I'm trying to take a page from Cristina's book and snag the good cases before anyone else gets here. So how was the trip?

John: It was OK. I had to hire a nurse to stay with Mom. She isn't going to last much longer. I went to visit her right before I left and she was adamant that she didn't want us there.

Meredith: Even dying she's stubborn as hell!

John: She'll be OK. I'm going to miss her, but it will be OK. I have you.

Meredith: (Sighing.) Yeah.

John: Speaking of you. Your deadline is up.

Meredith: What deadline?

John: The big one. You know, what are you going to do with the rest of your life. That one.

Meredith: Oh yeah.

John: Seriously.

Meredith: Tomorrow.

John: Tomorrow?

Meredith: (Dreading saying it out loud.) Yep, tomorrow. I will reveal my big choice tomorrow. Joe's 7:30pm. How's that sound?

John: Should I be worried?

Meredith: (Laughs.) Goodbye, John.

John: See you tonight.

Meredith felt nauseous. Tomorrow was the day. The day that she was going to crush John. She might as well put his heart in a blender, and then pour it out and stomp on it. She knew he would be devastated. It was humane this way. At least they wouldn't be stuck together, unhappily ever after. Maybe he would meet someone she told herself. He was a catch, any woman would be more than lucky to have him. Just not her.

Meredith ate her muffin and made her way back into the hospital. She needed to get her mind off of everything. She had to get on a case, it didn't matter what it was. She started grabbing more files when Addison Sloan walked up.

Addison: How's the ankle?

Meredith: So you heard?

Addison: Yeah. Derek did a good job on his nose.

Meredith: Yeah he did! So do you have anything I can do? Bailey has me doing SCUT. I will take anything!

Addison: Well, what I have isn't too...

Meredith: Anything!

Addison: Come with me.

Meredith and Addison get into the patients room. The patient, Sandra is crying. Meredith didn't know what exactly was going on, but it was a case, so who cared.

Addison: OK, Sandra, we are going to induce labor. I'm really going to need you to push.

Sandra is crying heavily. She didn't have anyone there with her. No family, no friends. Meredith walked over and placed her hand on her shoulder. Sandra began to push. Finally it dawned on Meredith why Sandra was crying. She had been in this position herself. Meredith's eyes began to mist up. Her palms started to sweat, and she began to tremble. Addison gave Meredith a reassuring look. _I'm OK. I'm OK. You can do this. You have to be professional._She tried so hard, but she couldn't do it. The memories came back like a movie in slow motion. Time slowed down. She felt like she was underwater. She began to sob. She was sobbing harder than Sandra. At one point Sandra looked up at her like she was crazy. She couldn't do it. She couldn't see the baby, she couldn't see the child, much like her own, come into this world without a sound. She couldn't watch a life end before it began. Meredith dropped her crutches and ran out of the room. She didn't speak, she didn't give Addison a reason. Meredith ran to the nearest supply room. Alex was walking by as Meredith sprinted past him. He saw the shocked look on Addison's face. Alex went into the room and helped Addison, although she didn't really need it. After it was done, Addison let Sandra hold the baby and she pulled Alex outside.

Addison: What the hell is wrong with Dr. Thompson? She was fine, then she just lost it. She was crying harder than the patient.

Alex: (Nonchalantly.) Probably because she lost her own kid.

Addison: What? Where did she go?

Alex: The supply closet at the end of the hall.

Addison: You stay here. (Addison quickly walked towards the supply closet and opened the door. Meredith wasn't crying a hard, but she had her knees up to her chin.) Meredith. I'm sorry. I know how you feel. (She sits down next to Meredith.)

Meredith: Really, Addison, really? So you know what it's like to get pregnant with the love of your life's child? You know what it's like to not want the baby, and wish you were never pregnant? To resent this child? And then after you carry this life inside of you you begin to love her, unconditionally. You talk to her, tell her how much you love her. Then one day you don't feel her move. You go to the hospital and find out that she has no heartbeat. She's dead. And you would also know what it's like to give birth to her without a sound. Instead of crying, all you hear is silence. And then you hold her. This perfect angel, who looks just like her daddy. And of course you would know what it's like to see the pain that her daddy feels. And then you go home, without her. You walk out, and she comes out in a bag. And of course you get to pick out the tiny little casket. So Addison, I really don't think _you_ know what it's like!

Addison: No, I guess I don't. I'm so sorry, Meredith. I had no idea. (She embraces her.) I would have never put you in that position.

Meredith: (Crying.) I thought I could handle it. I really did. All I had to do was make it through, and I would be healed. I'm sorry Addison.

Addison: It's not your fault! What was her name?

Meredith: Bella. Bella Ellis Thompson. John picked her name. He was so happy when he found out I was pregnant. All he ever wanted to be was be a father.

Addison: I'm sorry, sweetie. (Meredith calmed down.)

Meredith: Who told you? About Bella? (She couldn't think of anyone who knew. She didn't remember telling Derek.)

Addison: Karev. I asked him.

Meredith: How did he know? No one knows! (She was getting angry.)

Addison: I don't know, sweetie. (Meredith gets up. She is going to find out how he knows.)

Meredith: Thank you, Addison. (She walks out., and heads straight to Alex and grabs his arm.) Who told you?

Alex: What?

Meredith: How did you know, about the baby?

Alex: Izzie found a box in your house. We all saw it, Izzie, George, Cristina and I.

Meredith: So you went through my things?

Alex: (Shrugged his shoulders. She begins to walk away.) Oh yeah, Dr. Shepherd saw it too. (He wanted to get him in trouble. He was still mad at Derek. Meredith walked off seeing red. She completely forgot about her ankle.)

Meredith: _How could they? That was private. I would never go through someone else's things!_ (She catches up with Izzie, who is walking down the hall.) How could you! I thought you were my friend!

Izzie: What? Are you OK?

Meredith: You went through our things, our personal things.

Izzie: What are you talking about?

Meredith: The box. (Izzie was shocked. Who told her?)

Izzie: I'm sorry, it was an accident. It fell. I was getting a box of papers to fax to John and it fell.

Meredith: So you look through it? The most painful thing in my life, and you look thorough it; show it to everyone!

Izzie: It wasn't like that. I was alone. They walked in. I thought it would help, maybe I could understand what you were going through.

Meredith: You will never understand!

Izzie: Maybe if you didn't keep so many secrets, we wouldn't have to snoop around! (Meredith is taken aback.) I mean everything we know about you, we found out on accident. John, your mother, your baby, and whatever the hell happened with Ray. You live in a freaking well of guilt, Meredith. (A visitor walks by. Meredith stops him.)

Meredith: Excuse me, Sir. (He stops.) Hi, I'm Meredith Grey. I'm married. I had a stillborn child. My mother is a world famous surgeon. I was sexually harassed by her boyfriend when I was a kid. Oh yeah, and I'm having an affair on my husband with a world class surgeon! (He walks away like she's crazy.) How's that Iz? I will just start telling everyone my life story. (Derek walks up.)

Derek: What's going on? I heard yelling.

Meredith: YOU! (Shakes her head.) All of you, what the hell is wrong with you people? (She storms off and passes Dr. Bailey.) I need to go home.

Bailey: (Sees that she is upset.) OK. See you tomorrow.

Derek: What the hell happened?

Izzie: Someone told her about us looking through the box. The one with the baby things in it.

Derek: Us? I didn't look in the box. I told you to put it away. Crap! This is just freaking great.

Izzie: It was Alex, I just know it.

Meredith was shocked. She was upset. Most of all with Derek. How could he? She trusted him. She felt like her insides were exposed all over the table. Everyone was just walking up and taking a glance. They should have never opened the box. Izzie could have just put it away. Meredith never even look in the box. She couldn't. She looked at her phone. Derek had called 3 times and left voicemail. She didn't even listen to them. She deleted them. When she pulled into the garage she saw John's car there. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to him. But he was always there for her. He would have never betrayed her this way. Derek crossed the line.

-------------

This day is still not over! Hopefully I will have more up tonight.


	36. Chapter 36

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith walked into the kitchen and threw her keys down on the counter. She was angry. She wanted to punch the wall. She wanted to rip the house apart. She wanted to run Alex Karev over with her car. But it wasn't Alex's fault, she knew that. He just exposed the truth. He, and his arrogant ass purposely started trouble because he was angry at Derek. She just stood there in her own angry little world.

John: Everything OK?

Meredith: No, no it's not.

John: Can I do anything to help?

Meredith: Not really. You could cook us dinner tonight. You know I can't cook.

John: That was random. Are you sure you are OK?

Meredith: My friends are asses. That's all. Lying asses. Rotten people.

John: What did they do?

Meredith: I want lasagna. That sounds good.

John: OK. (He draws it out slowly.)

Meredith: I am going to clean.

Meredith walks away. She has to do something constructive. She goes up to her room and walks into her large closet. She starts sorting out clothes. She is so angry, she hates everything, and everyone. She starts throwing clothes into a garbage bag. She doesn't want anything. Next she moves to the bathroom. She looks at the shower. All she sees is Derek. That was the last time they were together. _God, why did I have to fall in love with him? _ She starts scrubbing. Scrubbing away the filth that she feels. She wants to wash Derek Shepherd right out of her life. She was spraying down the shower when she heard the phone ring. She wasn't going to answer it. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She vacuums all of the rooms in the house. Then she starts a fire.

John: A little warm for a fire, don't you think?

Meredith: It's a great day for a fire.

Meredith runs back upstairs with a laundry basket. She comes back down with the basket. She sits down in front of the fire. She looks down at the note. The one Derek wrote her when she came into her room. The one that comforted her at one time. She reads it one last time before casting it into the flames.

_Meredith-_

_You will never know how sorry I am_

_that you have had to feel all of this pain._

_You are too special to for me to watch you suffer._

_You need to fight, you need to get through this._

_I am here for you, always._

_Love, _

_Derek_

Meredith: _Here for me? Yeah right! I will be lucky if I can pick up the pieces now, Derek._

Next she threw in her bed sheets. The ones that were on her bed when she made love to Derek. She had to get rid of everything that reminded her of Derek. She didn't want to feel the pain anymore. The pain that was Derek Shepherd. She wasn't even sure why she was so mad at him. Maybe it was because he made her love him so deeply. She almost gave her life to him. She didn't want to poison him. She didn't want to ruin his life like she did John's. She felt like she was a poisoned well, asking anyone to take a sip. It was easier to hate him than herself. She was drawn to him like a magnet. Once she got near him, he pulled her in. She had to make sure he never pulled her in again. He deserves better. She looks down at the ring. The promise ring that Derek had given her. She couldn't take it off. She tried. She couldn't, not yet.

John: Oh, so instead of washing sheets, we burn them now?

Meredith: Yes, we do.

John: (Shakes his head.) Ready to talk about it?

Meredith: No.

John: Oh Derek called.

Meredith: Oh.

John: He will be over later to get his car towed.

Meredith: Oh. _I'm surprised he didn't just drive it away. He could, he could really hurt me. Why doesn't he just walk in here and tell John everything?_

Meredith continued to clean. She walked pass John with the various bags of clothing and loaded her Jeep. She drove to women's shelter and donated her clothes. There were thousands of dollars worth of clothes there. Maybe that would free her, make her feel less guilty. She stopped and got a coffee. She needed something to take the edge off. The caffeine would help. She wanted to go to Joe's. She could drown her sorrows so easily. She could stop at the liquor store, buy some tequila, get plowed. What has that ever done? All it does is cause for problems. Last time, Derek saved her from herself. Who would now? What did she tell him in the car that night? Did she pour her soul out to him? She wondered. Now he probably knows all her secrets. She felt her phone vibrate, more messages. She deleted them all. She wanted to break the phone. Then she would just have to get a new one, and the messages would still be there, tormenting her. When she went back home, John had the table set. He had cooked a huge meal. It was delicious. As she ate, she though about the meals Derek had cooked. She lost her appetite. She began picking at her food. All she could think was that she was bad, really bad. How could she cheat on her husband?

John: How is it?

Meredith: Good.

John: Are you sure?

Meredith: It's great. I'm just not feeling too great. I need to go take a shower.

Meredith climbed into her fresh clean shower. She needed to feel the hot water run over her. She needed to wash herself clean. Let everything go down the drain. Derek kept running through her mind. The way she felt when he touched her. She had never felt like that. She wanted to gouge her eyes out. What would that do? The images, the feelings were imprinted in her brain. She changed into her flannel pajamas and sat in her bed. She was going to read. Maybe that would help her get her mind off of Derek. She flipped the bedside light on. John walked in her room. He had also showered and was in his pajama pants and a tee shirt. She looked at his body through his shirt. He was perfect, perfectly chiseled. He was everything anyone could want.

John: You ready to talk about it?

Meredith: No.

John: Do you want company?

Meredith: Yes.

John came in the room. He laid on the bed and placed his head on her stomach. He did that when she was pregnant with Bella. The feeling of the child they made swimming around inside the woman he loved comforted him. Now she was gone. Why couldn't he get over it?

Meredith: I'm sorry.

John: For what?

Meredith: I shouldn't have dragged you to Seattle. We should have stayed in Boston. You were doing so great there.

John: But you weren't. Their internship wasn't great. The hospital wasn't top notch.

Meredith: It was selfish of me. I wish we never came here. All it has caused is pain.

John: I love Seattle. We are doing great here.

Meredith: Boston was our home, it's were it all began. Maybe if we went back, we could start over.

John: No, you aren't running away from you problems, Meredith. You have done that enough in your lifetime. If you have a problem, you have to face it head on this time.

Meredith grumbled at his comment. He was right. What was she thinking, that she was going to just walk away from Seattle, Derek and the hospital? That's what she had hoped she could do. Just then the doorbell rang. Meredith forgot that Derek was coming. She climbed out of her warm bed and headed downstairs with John following her. When she got near the door she could tell who the figure was, and she wasn't ready to see him. Meredith hesitantly opens the door.

Meredith: Oh, hi.

Derek: Hello. (He looks concerned. He is hoping she hasn't jumped off the deep end again.) Hello, John. I'm just letting you know that I'm taking my car. I'm sorry it's so late. (He was upset. It made him sick to see Meredith with John, in their pajamas. What were they having a freaking slumber party?)

Meredith: Oh, thanks. I'm sure we would have figured it out. See you later. (She couldn't look into his eyes. She didn't want to.)

Derek: Can I talk to you for a minute?

Meredith: (With attitude.) Sure. (She steps outside. John acts like he is going upstairs, but he places himself by the window so her can see what's going on.) What do you want, Derek? No, you know what? I just want to know how you could do it.

Derek: I didn't _do_ anything. I'm pissed, Meredith. You didn't even ask me what happened. You just assumed the worst. That's what you always do. You assume the worst. You didn't trust me. That hurts. One little thing and it's over. Everything we had. Boom. Over. Just because you thought something happened. I didn't look in the damn box! I made them put it away. I came in and they had it open and everything was out. I told them to put it away. You told me about her. The baby, Bella. You told me the night I brought you home. You told me a lot of things that night. The night you drank yourself into a fog. When you tried to drown out your miserable life. You don't share your secrets Meredith, and you don't trust anyone. It's pathetic. How can I be in a relationship with someone who can turn on me so quickly?

Meredith: Oh so that's how it goes, huh? You think I'm pathetic and miserable? Maybe I am. I cheat on my husband with you. I commit adultery for you, and for what? I wish I never met you Derek Shepherd! (She immediately wished she didn't say it. It was too late to take it back.)

Derek: Well, the feeling is mutual. (He turns to walk to the tow truck.)

Meredith: Derek, wait. (She is chasing him and crying. She grabs his shoulder. John goes up to his room, he's seen enough.) I'm sorry. (He turns around, his eyes are cold.) I'm sorry. I love you. I didn't mean it. I didn't know.

Derek: Go back to your husband, _Mrs. Thompson_. (It stung. Not Meredith, not Dr. Thompson, Mrs. Thompson. It was a cheap shot. She grabs him and starts beating his chest with her fists.)

Meredith: Damn you, Derek, Damn you! (She is crying. Derek shoves her hands off of him and walks away, getting into the tow truck.)

Driver: Problems?

Derek: (Shakes his head.) Just drop the car off at the nearest parking lot.

Driver: Doesn't it need to be repaired?

Derek: No, there's nothing wrong with this car. It just ended up in the wrong driveway.

Meredith was angry. She wanted to get in her car and run him over along with Alex Karev, and the rest of her friends. She slammed the front door. She wanted to hurt Derek badly. He left her. He denied her. He dumped her off like she didn't mean a thing. She walked past John's room. He was in there reading paperwork. She walked in. She was going to drown Derek out, one was or another. She jumped on him and started kissing him. He was in shock. Neither of them said a word. She pulled his shirt off over his head. She was kissing him intensely, her tongue searching his mouth. He unbuttoned her shirt, and began kissing her chest, her bra came off next. They both began shedding off their remaining clothing. He was kissing her body. He couldn't believe how it felt. He had missed her so much. Finally. It had been so long. He needed her. She straddled him and placed him inside of her. She began rocking. Not slowly or softly, it was violent, it was angry. _How do you like that, Derek? How does it feel. She wished he knew, then she could really shove it in his face. _John looked into her eyes. It wasn't love, it was pure anger. They weren't making love, it was sex. The roughest kind. He knew it had to do with Derek. He rolled her over, placing his body on hers. Hoping that he could calm her. It didn't, she got more intense. She clawed her fingers into his back. _Damn you, Derek. I can't even fuck my husband without thinking of you._ She started kissing his neck. She bit him. She couldn't help it. They climaxed, neither of them spoke. Neither of them mad a sound. Meredith rolled over and looked at the wall. She couldn't look at John.

John: So, Derek?

Meredith: It's over. It's done.

John laid there trying to make sense of what happened. He knew. He knew that they got in a fight. He knew she loved him. She would have never acted that way if he didn't hurt her. Was it really worth it, he thought. She finally let him touch her after all these years, but it was Derek, not him that turned her on. He was just the tool she used to release her anger. He had one. Sure she loved Derek, but he won. He laid there next to her, and soon began to feel her body shake. She was sobbing.

Meredith laid there next to john for a long time. He had his arm over her. What had she done? Why? She used John. She teased him. She gave him a taste of what her wanted, but she didn't give him the whole treat. Her heart wasn't in it. All she could think about was Derek. She listened to John. She was sure he was asleep. She could let it go now. She cried. She loved Derek. What was she going to do without him? She sabotaged herself, once again.

Derek tried to fall asleep, but he couldn't. Why the hell did he have to say that to her? Mrs. Thompson. He knew it hurt her. He made her suffer. He watched her fall apart in front of him. He watched her crumble. All he did was turn the fan on. He blew her away, out of his life. Now what was he going to do. He couldn't live without her. He had to make it right, but how?


	37. Chapter 37

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith laid next to John all night long. She found no comfort in his touch, no comfort in his presence. She needed Derek. She was furious at him, not because he hurt her, not because of what he said. It was because he gave up. He was mad at her because she assumed the worst, but what about him? He just left. For someone that loved her so much, it seemed so easy for him to walk away. How was she going to face him tomorrow? She couldn't. She heard her alarm go off in her room. She didn't get up, she just laid there listening. She had a feeling, a very bad feeling.

John: Mer- it's time to get up.

Meredith: I'm not.

John: You have to go to work.

Meredith: I don't want to.

John: Meredith, get your ass out of bed and get to work. Just because you and Derek had an argument, doesn't mean that you can quit your job. You aren't a coward. Get up.

Meredith: Fine.

She knew he was right. She couldn't just not go. She had to face it head on. Besides, that _was_ her new policy. She begrudgingly got out of John's bed and went to her bathroom. She looked around at her marble bathtub, her marble sink, the brass fittings, the imported fluffy towels. All of these things, these expensive things, they didn't mean anything. Everything looked so perfect on the surface, but underneath, what a mess. She stuck herself in a tight spot this time. Today was the day, well, it was supposed to be the day. She could have been happy with Derek, now the decision was made for her. She was with John. She didn't feel like she could be alone. She had to have someone. John wasn't unhappy with her. He was happy just to be with her, he loved her unconditionally. Now things would go back to the way they were. No more passion, no more excitement. As washed her body she thought of last nights events. What she did to John was cruel, he had to have known something was not right. She hadn't slept with him in so long. After all that time, she had to do it that way. She let the hot water run over her back. It hurt, she was getting piercing pains. She shampooed her hair and used her favorite lavender conditioner. The one that Derek loved. She wasn't using it for him, she was using it for herself. It was part of who she was. She needed to just be herself, connect with who she was. She had to quit worrying about everyone else. She went down to the kitchen, expecting breakfast, there was none. She looked at John.

John: What?

Meredith: Nothing. I was just expecting breakfast.

John: Oh. I guess I didn't feel like cooking. There is cereal in the cabinet.

Meredith: Yum. (She opened the cabinet revealing a box of Muesli, Derek's favorite. She proceeded to grab the box and throw it in the trash.)

John: Why'd you do that?

Meredith: It tastes like shit. (She grabbed out a box of chocolate cereal, her favorite. Derek always said it was bad, and that she needed to eat healthier. She decided to eat two bowls.)

John: So are we still meeting a Joe's tonight?

Meredith: Sure, why not. (She had less than enthusiasm in her voice. It was more disappointment than anything. She didn't have a decision to make.)

John: I'm leaving. I'm meeting Tony to play some tennis.

Meredith: Why aren't you playing here?

John: We are going to the club, we're going to have some breakfast first. See you later. (He kisses her sweetly.)

Meredith: Bye.

Meredith finished her cereal, and washed the bowl. She was dreading going to the hospital and was doing anything she could to delay. She really did have to leave, Bailey would be mad if she was late. The way she felt right now, she wished she was back in Boston. The drive to the hospital was faster than usual, traffic was very light. She pulled into the parking lot, she didn't see Derek's car. A wave a relief washed over her. Maybe she would be able to make it through the day. As she entered the hospital, she didn't notice Derek pulling in. Maybe the day wasn't going to be that great after all.

The ride in the elevator was quiet, nothing out of the ordinary. No one knew what had happened last night, they never would. When she opened the door to the locker room she was in shock. There were roses, thousands of roses everywhere. Red roses, pink roses, white roses. She had never seen so many in her life. The other interns were all getting ready and talking about the flowers. She was still mad at them, but she was just too exhausted to care at this point.

Meredith: What are these for?

Izzie: We thought you would know.

Meredith: Why is that?

Cristina: Your bright and shiny life. All of the men that are swooning for you. (She was oozing sarcasm.)

Meredith: Yeah, well I don't think so. That ship has sailed.

Izzie: Meredith, we know we were wrong. It was so stupid.

Cristina: I think what Blondie is trying to say, is that we're sorry.

Alex: Yeah, I am too. (He said trying to be sincere in Alex's own way.)

George: We all wish we had never done it, but we did. That's all we can say.

Meredith: I can't stay mad at you guys for long. Besides who would I complain to all of the time. (She reaches up to her locker and grabs her back.) Ow.

George: Are you OK?

Meredith: I keep getting pains in my back, but I'm OK. (As she opens she locker, she gasps. There is a giant bouquet of tulips with a card attached. She slams the door.)

Izzie: What's going on?

Meredith: It's nothing. (Cristina opens her locker.)

Cristina: Nothing! All of these flowers are for you! She goes to grab the card. (Meredith grabs her arm.)

Meredith: Don't you dare.

Cristina: Well, if you don't I will. (Meredith grabs the card and opens it.)

_It lies not in our power to love or hate,_

_For will in us is overruled by fate._

_When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,_

_We wish that one should love, the other win;_

_And one especially do we affect_

_Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:_

_The reason no man knows; let it suffice_

_What we behold is censured by our eyes._

_Where both deliberate, the love is slight:_

_Who ever, that not at first sight? _

_-Christopher Marlowe_

_Meredith-_

_I loved you the moment I saw you._

_You were like and angel, so _

_perfect, so delicate. Words cannot _

_express how sorry I am for what I said._

_I will regret it everyday for the rest_

_of my life. I want you to know, with you_

_my intentions are true. I love you more than _

_words can say._

_-Derek_

Meredith didn't know what to say, or what to do. He had this pull over her. She loved him so much. She sat the card in her locker, and grabbed her scrubs.

Izzie: So who are they from? (Meredith was is a trance, she didn't even hear Izzie.)

Meredith: _Maybe I should give him another chance. I love him. God, I love him. No! I can't, I can't fall into this trap again. Things were so simple before I met Derek. I wasn't happy, but at least I wasn't on a roller coaster everyday._

Cristina: These are from McDreamy? (She was holding the card.)

Meredith: Cristina! That's private.

Cristina: So what did he do?

Meredith: It's a long story.

Izzie: It's so romantic. He is so in love with you! (George and Alex roll their eyes.)

Cristina: It's sickening! (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: Who died?

Izzie: They are for Meredith.

Bailey: Someone's sorry. OK, people lets get to work. Yang, Burke needs you for a valve replacement. Karev, you are with Montgomery-Sloan (He was relieved he wasn't stuck doing bedpans.) George, you're with Shepherd, Stevens, you are with Sloan, and Thompson, you are with me. We have an abdominal hernia repair. Go, go! You aren't getting paid to stand here! Thompson, I need to to run some tests and get our surgery on the board.

Meredith: OK, Dr. Bailey.

Meredith walked into the stairwell, she liked the stairs. She needed to breath, she needed to absorb everything that has happened. She was standing there, with her back to the door, when it opened.

Derek: Meredith.

Meredith: Go away. Please, just go away?

Derek: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me last night. There is no excuse. Did you get the flowers? Did you know tulips mean undying love?

Meredith: Yes, I got them.

Derek: Meredith, please, look at me.

Meredith: I can't. I can't. If I look at you, I will forgive you, and I can't forgive you! I just can't! (Derek walked down the stairs, turned and stood in front of her. She looked at the ground.)

Derek: Mer- (He tips her chin up and looks in her eyes.) I love you. It's an all consuming love. Every minute of every day, you are all that I think about. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. The sun didn't shine before I met you. The world was shades of gray, now I am seeing colors I never knew existed. You make me smile, and laugh like I never have. Before I met you, I didn't know what love was. I want your eyes to be the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. I want to read to you when you can't see anymore. I want to sit in our rocking chairs, side by side, watching the sunset. I want your hand to be the one I hold when I take my last breath. I need you Meredith, I need you to live. I can't do it without you. I love you so much it hurts.

Meredith: Damn it! (Tears are streaming down her face.)

Derek: What?

Meredith: Damn you Derek, Damn you for making me love you. (He leans in and kisses her.) I love you. I love you so much, I can't breath. I'm sorry that I didn't ask you what happened. I always assume the worst, you're right. But that's me. That is who I am.

Derek: I can live with that.

Meredith: Crap! I have to go. I have surgery with Bailey.

Derek: See you later?

Meredith: I have something I have to do tonight, at Joe's. Something I have been putting off for a long time. (Derek knew what she was talking about.)

Derek: You are the strongest person I know. (He kisses her on the head.) Everything will be OK.

Meredith: Yeah, I think it will.

------------------

Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was sick. I will get more up today. Something major is going to happen!


	38. Chapter 38

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith was feeling very guilty about what she had to tell John tonight. She was choosing Derek, she was picking Derek. It almost didn't feel real. She and John had such history, and that was what it was going to be, history. She felt ever worse because she told John it was over with Derek. He was going to be completely blind sided tonight. For so long she did what everyone wanted her to do. Today was going to be the day when she steps forward, paving her own path. She was going to start fresh. Meredith and Dr. Bailey both scrubbed in on the abdominal hernia surgery, It was taking a very long time, it happened to be strangulated. She kept having a lingering feeling that something was going to happen, along with a piercing feeling in her back.

Bailey: So nice flowers. What did he do?

Meredith: Who?

Bailey: The man who sent you the flowers.

Meredith: He said something he shouldn't have.

Bailey: An you forgave him?

Meredith: Of course.

Bailey: It wasn't your husband was it?

Meredith: (Shocked, and for some reason feeling like she couldn't lie.) Uh, no.

Bailey: He's in love with you, you know. Dr. Shepherd. I won't say anything, but so help me God, if anything changes. If you start getting all of the good cases, if you get special treatment. You'll wish you were never born.

Meredith: Dr. Bailey-

Bailey: That's all. We're done here. Let's close up. This man is going to be feeling a lot better. (They are now in the scrub room.)

Meredith: Dr. Bailey, it's very complicated. This situation. My husband--

Bailey: Do I look like I want to hear about your personal life?

Meredith: Uh, no. (Just then Miranda's pager goes off.)

Bailey: It's the pit, let's go. (They run off.)

Nurse: We have a trauma victim coming in estimated time of arrival is 10 minutes. He has massive injuries to the chest. They are saying it's surgical.

Bailey: OK, we need to page the other available interns. (Izzie and George were available. Everyone gets suited up.)

Izzie: I hope it's good. Sloan had a breast augmentation. The patient did not need it. I hate plastics.

George: Shepherd's case got bumped. I was on my way down here anyhow.

The ambulance pulls up. The doors fly open, revealing a rather strange case. Meredith only heard bits and pieces, she was too entranced by what she saw.

Paramedic: ...old male...bp is...impaled..

Meredith: (Looks at George.) Is that a-

Izzie: Oh my God, it's a fence!

George: He has a wrought iron fence sticking out of his body! (The man had three pieces of wrought iron fence sticking out of his chest.)

The paramedics pull the patient's gurney out and they begin wheeling him in.

Paramedic: The fire department had to cut the pieces off of the fence.

Izzie: Oh my God, Mer. (Meredith walks up alongside the man.)

Meredith & Bailey: What?

Meredith: Oh my God, John! (She screams.)

John: Mer- calm down, it's OK.

Meredith: (Crying.) What happened? Oh my God. (Her chest tightens.)

Bailey: Meredith you need to go. I'll send someone out to let you know what's going on.

Meredith: What? NO! THAT IS MY HUSBAND! I am staying with him. (She grabs his hand, and walks beside him. Meredith looks at the promise ring Derek had given her on her finger. She slowly slides it off an places it in her pocket.) I pick you, John. I pick you. (She whispers.)

John: Please, let her stay. I need her with me.

Bailey: It's against hospital policy.

John: Screw hospital policy.

Bailey: (Looks at them both.) Fine, but you better stay out of the way. Izzie, I need you to get every available surgeon, all surgeries that can be, need to be bumped. We need tests George. No MRI, we need to find out what this thing punctured. John, you don't worry, you'll be fine.

Derek, Dr. Webber, and Dr. Bailey were gathered looking at the results at the tests. John was laying in the OR, Meredith was standing next to him.

Derek: Shit! SHIT! This is bad. (Dr. Burke walks up and looks at the results.)

Bailey: It is right into his liver, spleen and gall bladder.

Derek: And wedged in his spine.

Burke: He is never going to make it. Look at this fence, it has barbs on the end. They will do more damage going out than coming in.

Dr. Webber: Well, we're going to try.

Burke: Why waste my time?

Bailey: Because that is John Thompson, Dr.- Meredith's husband.

Burke: Oh. Damn-it. (They continue to try and figure out how they will proceed. Meredith is still in with John.)

John: Mer- No matter what I want you to know I love you.

Meredith: John! You are going to fine. Quit talking like that! I'll be right back. (Meredith went to look at the results, but they wouldn't let her in. They told her to go be with John.) What were you doing John? How did this happen?

John: I was getting something for you. It's in my-

Derek: OK, John.

John: Wait--Meredith, can you go get the box that is in my jacket?

Meredith: John, I can't leave.

John: Please, it's important. (Meredith went on a search for his jacket and what it contained. Derek was in the OR with John.)

Derek: OK, I won't lie, It's pretty bad, but not unfixable.

John: Derek. I need you to promise me something.

Derek: OK.

John: I need you to promise me that you will take care of her.

Derek: John, you will be fine. You can take care of her when you recover.

John: Derek, I have 3 metal poles sticking out of my body. I think it's safe to say I am not going to walk out of here.

Derek: You don't know that.

John: (Smiles.) I do. There are some things you should know. She loves cheesecake, never eat the last piece. If she thinks a movie is sad, she will quit watching, she will just walk out of the theater. She is amazingly strong for her size. She is afraid of squirrels, she was chased by one when she was a kid, she is convinced they all want to attack her. She is sure that peanut butter is full of bugs, that that is what the specks are, but somehow she still eats it. She has to have the right side of the bed, that is not debatable. When she is upset she will act like she needs to be alone, don't let her, you have to hold her until she calms down. She gives you her whole heart, don't ever break it. For the love of God, do not sleep with someone the night before your wedding, she might going on a killing spree. So promise me, Derek. Promise me you will take car of her, and love her forever. I can't leave her alone.

Derek: (Tears welling up.) I promise. (He begins to walk out.)

John: It was always you Derek.

Derek: What?

John: She was always going to pick you. I knew that night we saw you at the restaurant, that I had lost her forever. Don't let her feel guilty about that.

Derek: OK. (Meredith walks in holding a small box. Derek walks out to join the surgeon who are planning their course of action.)

John: Did you open it?

Meredith: No.

John: Open it. (Meredith opens it.)

::FLASHBACK::

John: I wish I could afford to buy you something more, Meredith. (They are at the local jewelry store. John is buying her a real engagement ring. When he proposed he gave her his high school class ring.) Someday I will buy you something more. When I am practicing law, I'll get you the ring you want.

Meredith: I love the one you got me. (It was gold with the tiniest diamond ever.)

John: I you could have any ring, which one would you pick. (She picked something nicer, but still fairly modest.)

Meredith: I like that one, but this one is mine. (She motions to one he got her.)

John: I love you, Meredith Grey!

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Meredith: Oh, John! (It was the ring she had picked. The exact same one. She had never forgotten it.)

John: You don't know what I had to go through to get that! (Meredith slide it on her finger.) Meredith, look at me. (She does.) You will be OK.

Meredith: What do you mean? (She is getting upset.)

John: Derek will take care of you. He is a great guy. (She starts to speak.) Let me talk! He is the guy. The guy for you. He loves you so much. I can see it. You love him too, and that's OK! Don't feel guilty of funny about being with him. I couldn't want you with anyone else. I don't want you to cry, or be sad. I want you to go on with your life. I want to live everyday to the fullest. I want you to smile and sing, and live out your dreams.

Meredith: OH, John. I'm so sorry. (She is crying.) I ruined your life. I made you suffer everyday. It wasn't even your fault, it was mine! You wasted your life on me.

John: NO! You were never a waste. You made my life worth living. You are the reason I breathed in and out everyday. Everyday was great because you were by my side. I will never regret you. Everyone has one person that was put on this earth for them. You were mine Meredith. You are the reason I was born. You are my everything. Now listen to me. You have to get a hold of the senior partners, they know where all the investments and accounts are. The account numbers and passwords are in the law book you gave me when I graduated. They are on page 525, our wedding day. There is a lot of money. Do whatever makes you happy. You were always right, it's just money. Love is the most important thing, and I love you, Meredith Grey. (He uses her maiden name to symbolize that he is letting her go.) I always have. Let me feel your lips one last time. (She kisses him a sweet, loving, passionate kiss.) I have to go...

Meredith: What?

John: (Smiles.) I have a date with our daughter... (He flat-lines. The surgeons run in.)


	39. Chapter 39

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith just stood there in shock. Everyone rushed to John's side, trying everything and anything to bring him back. He was connected to one of their own. They always did what they could, but this time, they felt like he was family. There was nothing to be done. He had far too much damage, they knew that from the minute the test results came back. Meredith felt like she was suspended in time. Everything stopped. She thought back to the very first time she met John in fifth grade:

_Meredith: What are you looking at? (John is staring at her.)_

_John: You._

_Meredith: Stop._

_John: I can't._

_Meredith: Why? Do you have something wrong with you?_

_John: No. I think I love you._

Meredith snapped back to reality. Everyone is barking orders, rushing around. She falls back. She can't do anything but stare into space and think back.

_John: Can I kiss you?_

_Meredith: I guess. (John kisses Meredith sweetly. It was her first kiss.)_

She was comfortable where she was. Memories, good memories, were comforting. They were like going home when you haven't been in a long time. She had forgotten how sweet and simple life used to be. Even without her mother around, she had John and Lois. They made her life halfway normal. They made it able for her to love and feel loved. They were responsible for the memories, the good ones atleast.

Dr. Webber: Call it.

Dr. Bailey: Time of death 15:27.

Meredith: What? No! NO! He's not dead. He's not. What are you doing? You can't just quit! He's going to be OK! (Meredith runs to his side. and tries to resuscitate him. Everyone one just watches her for a few minutes. They didn't know what to do. Finally Dr. Bailey walks up.)

Bailey: Meredith, honey. He's gone. I'm so sorry.

Meredith looks at him. She finally realizes that there is nothing she could do. This chapter had ended. The curtains have closed. She runs her fingers through his hair and looks at him one last time. She couldn't be here. She didn't know what to do. She felt lost, she felt like she was alone, alone even in the crowd of people. She turned around and walked out, staring ahead. She heard people talking, but she didn't understand them, it was just background noise. She began walking more briskly. She had to go, she had to get out. She broke into a run. She didn't know where she was going. She was on auto pilot. She ran down the stairs, and out the entrance. She was running fast, she was running as if her life depended on it.

Everyone is in shock. He was gone. The pit started to get busy, and Bailey was paged.

Derek: _Oh my God. I can't believe he's gone. I wanted Meredith, but not this way. Oh, God, Meredith. Where is she going? I have to go with her._ (Derek goes to scrub out.)

Bailey: _Poor girl. She's so young, and her life has been ripped apart. She is going to be a mess. How the hell do these things happen?_ What do we have here?

Nurse: We had a two car accident. One looks neuro. Looks like we have a broken leg, and possibly some abdominal injury. What happened with the fence guy?

Bailey: That "Fence Guy" is an intern's husband. We lost him.

Nurse: Oh, sorry.

Bailey: Page Shepherd, for the head injury. (Derek gets the page.)

Derek: (To the Chief.) I have to go. I can't do this. (Referring to the page.)

Dr. Webber: You _have_ to do this. I don't have anyone else here.

Derek: You need to page someone. I have to go. I have to be with Meredith!

Dr. Webber: I will page Dr. Samson. But you have to check this patient out. You can't just leave.

Derek: Fine. (He was antsy. He promised John he would be with her. He needed to be with her.)

Derek decided that the patient was not surgical. He hurried through the tests, but he was sure. He didn't half ass it like he wanted to. Dr. Samson was brought in and he came to the same conclusion. They decided to keep the patient for observation.

Dr. Webber: Derek-I need you to look at this. Mercy West may need you for a consult. (Derek was walking away.)

Derek: I have to go!

Dr. Webber: This is important, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Meredith is more important.

Dr. Webber: Than your job?

Derek: YES!

Dr. Webber: Let me know how she is doing.

He kept walking briskly. He had to make sure he was OK. Dr. Webber pretended he was mad, but he was worried too. Meredith was important to him. He never let anyone know; Ellis was the love of his life, and Meredith felt like his daughter. They were never close, but there was a connection. Derek started running, he couldn't get to her fast enough. When he got to the parking lot, he saw her jeep was still there. Where could she have gone? He jumped into her car and just drove, he knew he could find her.

Meredith ran. Her lungs felt like they were on fire. Her throat felt like she swallowed sand paper. She couldn't feel pain. Not physical pain anyway. She didn't know what to do know. She was going to pick Derek today, and she would have been fine. Now the decision was made for her, and she didn't know what to do. How would so go on without him? She was with him for so long. It was like a vital piece of her was ripped away, and she didn't know what to do without it. She arrived at her home, the last place she and John were together. She had ran far, but it didn't feel like it was far enough. She went to her shower, she needed to cry. The tears always came easier in the shower for her. Her mother hated it when she would cry. She said it made her weak. Meredith would always cry in the shower. No one could hear her sobs and she blamed the water for her red eyes. John always knew better. She turned the water on and stood in the shower in her scrubs, she hadn't even taken her scrub cap off. Her legs felt weak. She couldn't hold herself up she leaned against the wall and slid down, pulling her knees to her chin. The tears didn't come. She just sat there. She was somewhere else, in a new found reality.

Derek drove frantically. He knew she had went home, he could just feel it. The closer her got, the stronger he could feel her. He pulled up the guard's shack.

Derek: Have you seen Meredith, er Dr. Thompson come by here.

Guard: Yeah she ran by here awhile ago. And when I say run, I mean literally. Is she OK.

Derek: There was an accident. Mr. Thompson is dead.

Guard: Oh my gosh. Please, give her my sympathy.

Derek pulled up to the house the front door was wide open. He had barely put the car in park and turned it off before he jumped out. As he ran in, he yelled for her. She didn't respond. He heard running water. He was getting concerned. John's words rang in his head _"When she is upset she will act like she needs to be alone, don't let her, you have to hold her until she calms down."_ Derek ran upstairs to her room. He slowly walked into the bathroom. His heart ached when he saw her. She looked like she wasn't there anymore. She was just a body, a lifeless body. He walked up to her and opened the shower door. The water was freezing. Her lips were purple and she was shivering.

Derek: Oh God, Meredith. You're freezing.

_**You're not alone**_

_**Together we stand**_

_**I'll be by your side**_

_**You know I'll take your hand**_

Derek turned off the water. He placed his hands on Meredith's cold body, and helped her stand up. He began stripping her sopping wet clothes off piece by piece.

_**When it gets cold**_

_**And it feels like the end**_

_**There's no place to go**_

_**You know I won't give in**_

_**no I won't give in**_

Derek felt so bad. He didn't know what to do. He did, he just didn't know if it was going to help. He loved her so much.

_**Keep holdin' on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

_**Just, stay strong**_

_**Cause you know I'm here for you**_

_**I'm here for you**_

_**There's nothing you can say (repeat)**_

_**Nothing you can do**_

_**And there's no other way when it comes to the truth**_

_**So, keep holding on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

Derek left her standing in the shower and went to her room and grabbed a blanket off of her blanket stand. He went back to her and wrapped it around her body. She looked so frail, so weak. She was motionless, standing like a mannequin.

_**So far away**_

_**I wish you were here**_

_**Before it's too late**_

_**This could all disappear**_

_**Before the doors close**_

_**And it comes to an end**_

_**With you by my side**_

_**I will fight and defend ah ah**_

_**I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah**_

Derek picked her up and cradled her body next to his. He slowly walked to the large chair looking out the window. It was a rainy day. Like most Seattle days. A day for death. A day when tears could be hidden.

_**Keep holdin' on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

_**Just, stay strong**_

_**Cause you know I'm here for you**_

_**I'm here for you**_

_**There's nothing you could say**_

Derek sat down in the large, comfortable chair. He laid her on his lap, holding her close, placing her head on his shoulder. Her skin was so cold, he could feel it through the blanket. She felt like a rag doll, she felt like she was giving up.

_**Nothing you could do**_

_**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**_

_**So, keep holding on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

Derek could feel her shallow breathing. He didn't know what to say. How do you comfort someone who has lost someone so dear. You can say how sorry you are, but those are just words. Words can change what has happened, words can't fix the problem.

_**Hear me when I say**_

_**When I say I believe**_

_**Nothing's gonna change**_

_**Nothing's gonna change destiny**_

_**Whatever's meant to be**_

_**Will work out perfectly**_

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...**_

_**La da da da, la da da da da**_

_**La da da da da da da da da**_

Derek had no idea what Meredith had lost. He had no idea the guilt she felt. John was not mad at her. He held no grudge. He loved her until his last breath. Till death do we part...

_**Keep holding on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

_**Just stay strong**_

_**Cause you know I'm here for you**_

_**I'm here for you**_

_**There's nothing you could say**_

_**Nothing you could do**_

_**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**_

_**So, keep holding on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through**_

She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything but lay in Derek's arms. They were so comforting to her. She felt wrapped in love, just what she needed. How do you move on? How do you wake up tomorrow, and go about your day?

_**Ahh, ahh**_

_**Keep holdin' on**_

_**Ahh, ahh**_

_**Keep holdin' on**_

_**There's nothing you could say**_

_**Nothing you could do**_

_**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**_

_**So, keep holding on**_

_**Cause you know we'll make it through**_

_**We'll make it through **_

Derek: Meredith-John wouldn't want you to torture yourself. He loved you. I didn't realize until today just how much he did. You will be OK. We are all here for you. You are surrounded by people that love and care for you. You will make it through this. We will make it through this. You can't push me away. I am here and I am never leaving. I love you.

Meredith didn't respond, but she finally let it go. She wept. She wept for John, she wept for Lois, se wept for herself. Derek was always there when she needed him. She hoped he realized how much he meant to her. She couldn't talk, she wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out. She looked up at Derek, and he looked at her. They didn't have to say a word. He was never letting her go, and she didn't want him to. They sat there for hours. Neither of them speaking.

The news of John's death spread around the hospital quickly. Everyone was sad. John had never been rude to any of them. He was the most kind person, and now he was gone. Poor Meredith, they all thought. She has been through so much. The interns wanted to leave so badly. They had to make sure she was OK. They kept calling Derek. All they got was voicemail. He had his phone off. That gave them solace, they were sure he had found her. Izzie, Cristina, and George finally came over. They knocked but there was no answer. They decided to go in the house, and make sure everything was OK. When they got to her room, they all stood there in awe. Meredith was in Derek's arms with her head on his shoulder, he had his head resting on hers. They were asleep. They all stood there with silent tears streaming down their face. She was going to be OK. She had Derek. She was going to be OK.

-----------------------

John was always supposed to die. Right from the beginning. I never realized how hard it would be to actually write it. It was sad, I really liked him! So Meredith is OK, that is good. This story is nearly over, I just need to tie up some loose ends. Probably 4 or 5 more chapters. For some reason I can't let go!

On a sad note: RIP, Barbaro. I'm relieved that they finally put him down. A horse just can't live on three legs, and he was down to two.


	40. Chapter 40

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith spent the whole night in Derek's arms. She woke up around midnight and he was sleeping. She just watched him. He was such an amazing man. John was wonderful, but Derek, he was something different. He was always there for her when she needed him, and he wasn't judgmental. He made her feel so loved, so cared for. She finally woke up around 8am. She looked up and Derek was just watching her, his eyes full of understanding.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek: For what?

Meredith: For being you. I'm OK.

Derek: You're OK.

Meredith: I'm OK. I don't know how, but I am. I feel peaceful.

Derek: Mer- You may be full of peace, but I am full of pee.

Meredith: Oh geez, sorry. You have been here a long time. You should have just shoved me on the floor.

Derek: Not you, dear, not you.

She kisses him on the cheek and gets up. Derek runs to the bathroom like he is on fire. Meredith unwraps herself from the blanket and goes to her closet to look for some clothes. She decided to wear black pants and a dark purple shirt. She was sad, but she felt like she was going to be OK.

Derek: You need to eat something.

Meredith: I'm not really hungry.

Derek: I'm going to make you some french toast, how does that sound?

Meredith: (Sighs knowing she isn't going to win this one.) Good. What am I going to do?

Derek: You will live, day to day.

Meredith: No, how am I going to tell Lois?

Derek: I don't know. She is already so fragile.

Meredith: Yeah, she is.

Derek heads downstairs. Meredith goes to follow him but her eye catches John's room. She had to go in there. It hurt so badly to do it, but she had to. She walked in and ran her hand over his bed that he had made just the morning before. She ran her fingers over the paperwork he had been reading. She walked into his closet and smelled his clothes. He had wanted to share a room in this house. He wanted to be together, to fix things. _How could I have been so cold?_ She missed his scent, she missed his voice, she missed his touch. She missed him. Her heart ached. She pulled herself together, wiped the tears that had formed on her cheek, and left his room. As she made her way down the stairs she immediately smelled the french toast. She loved french toast. Just as she passed the kitchen window, something caught her eye. It was a police car, in her driveway and a tow-truck with Jon's car.

Meredith: Oh my God. What's going on. (She motioned to the driveway.)

Derek: I don't know. (The doorbell rang.)

Meredith: Can I help you?

Officer: Good morning Mrs. Thompson. I'm Officer Davison, this is Officer Schwartz. (They shake hands.)

Meredith: Please, come in. This is a friend of mine, Derek Shepherd. (They shake hands.)

Officer Davison: First of all, we are sorry about your loss.

Meredith: Thank you.

Officer Schwartz: We brought Mr. Thompson's vehicle back from the scene. We were hoping you wouldn't mind to answer a few questions concerning yesterday's incident.

Meredith: Of course not, but I'm not sure how I can help. I was at work when it happened. I'm not even sure exactly what happened.

Officer Davison: No one has spoken to you?

Meredith: No.

::FLASHBACK OF WHAT HAPPENED THE DAY BEFORE::

John got up with a plan. He had been working on it for a long time. A few months ago he had tried contacting Sal, the owner of the jewelry shop where he had bought Meredith's engagement ring nine years ago. He found out that Sal had died and when he did all of the jewelry was sold. He was afraid that the ring was gone forever. He would never in his life forget what the ring that Meredith wanted look liked. He talked to Sal the day after he bought Meredith's original ring. Sal had promised he would keep the ring until John could afford to buy it. Years went by and John had forgotten all about it. John tracked down who the jewelry was sold to, and it ended up being in Seattle. He called the jeweler, and they did in fact have the ring. Steve, the shop's owner said that the ring had a note attached to the box, saying to save it for John Thompson. He didn't put the ring out for sale, he kept in in the back, wondering if he would ever come get the ring.

John had breakfast with his friend, Tony and then they played some tennis. He was so excited about getting the ring. _Meredith will be in shock. I didn't forget after all these years!_ He ran some errands, and then made his way to the Jewelry shop. It was in fact the ring. He had them inscribe 'Forever, For Always' on it. It was perfect. She happily paid for the ring and went outside. He was just walking out the door when he heard his name called.

Man: John, John Thompson. (John turns around, only to be looking straight into the eyes of Ray Jenson.)

John: What do you want, Ray?

Ray: You bastard! You convinced her to do it, didn't you? You made her get the restraining order didn't you?

John: I want you to stay the hell away from her, you bastard! You are never going to hurt her again.

Ray: You have ruined my life! I lost my job, no hospital will hire me. I am a goddamn doctor. Now what?

John: Maybe you should have thought about that before you did what you did. (John starts to walk away. Ray grabs him.)

Ray: Oh no you don't! You don't walk away from me! Not until you fix this.

John: I'm not fixing shit. You deserve everything that comes to you. Mer was just a kid for God's sake.

Ray: Yeah, she was a nice piece of ass. (John lost it and punched him. Ray returns the favor. A stranger comes and breaks them up.)

John: You're not worth it. (He walks away.)

Ray: You ruined my life, and now you are going to pay, with your own! (Ray comes up from behind and shoves John into the wrought iron fence lining the street. Everyone is in shock. The police come, and take the statements of about five witnesses. John is rushed to the hospital.)

::END OF FLASHBACK::

Officer Davison: So, we looked into what the witnesses said, and we found out that you had filed charges against Raymond Jenson. So what can you tell us about him?

Meredith: Pretty much everything is in the report. Everything started when I was about 16 years old. We didn't hear from him for a long time until the day at the hospital. John had finally convinced me to do something about it. Look what happened. I knew I shouldn't have.

Officer Davison: It's not your fault, ma'am. You are safe, for now. Ray Jenson has been arrested and is being held without bond. There will be a trial. The state is going to prosecute.

Meredith: Good. That's good. I will help however I can.

Officer Schwatz: Well, again, we are very sorry for your loss. Have a good day. (They leave.)

Meredith: Oh Derek. How did this happen? I thought he just had an accident. Damn that son-of-a-bitch Ray. (She is bawling.)

Derek: I can't believe it. I am in shock. It's not your fault Mer. Imagine what he may have done, if you didn't file charges. He may have hurt another girl.

Meredith: Oh Derek. Thank you. Thank you. (They sit down and eat the french toast. Derek gets paged.) Go.

Derek: No, I'm staying with you.

Meredith: Go! Save a life. Save another John. I'm OK.

Derek: Fine. But I'll be back.

Meredith: I know you will. (He kisses her.) Goodbye.

Derek: Goodbye. (He leaves. Meredith pick up her cellphone and dials Lois' number.)

Lois' Nurse: Hello?

Meredith: Hi, I'm Meredith Thompson.

Kelly: Of course, I'm Kelly, Lois' nurse.

Meredith: How is she?

Kelly: She's not well. We have her on Morphine constantly. She is mostly asleep, and when she is awake, she is rarely lucid.

Meredith: Oh, this is not good. Has she seen a doctor? How long do they think she has?

Kelly: It's not looking good. It's a matter of days, a week maybe.

Meredith: I can't tell her. Not over the phone.

Kelly: What do you mean? (Meredith begins to cry.)

Meredith: John, her son, he's-he's gone. There was an accident. He was killed.

Kelly: Oh my God. I'm so sorry!

Meredith: Don't tell her. I have to make arrangements. John will be buried in Boston. I will tell her when I come there. Please, call me if anything changes. Have a good day.

Kelly: I will. Goodbye.

Meredith spent the rest of the day making funeral arrangements. She realized she didn't have a car, it was still at the hospital. She took John's. It gave her peace to drive his car. It made her feel closer to him. She planned a memorial service in Seattle. He wanted to be buried in Boston, with his daughter, she knew that. She had to have a service here, and there. He had made a lot of friends and business acquaintances in Seattle. She called the paper and had the obituary done. She ordered flowers, and made arrangements for his body to be flown to Boston on her flight. She called the hospital, John's body had already been sent to have the autopsy done. It had to be done for the court case. These were all things that she shouldn't have to do. She shouldn't be saying goodbye to her husband. Not this way.

Derek came right home after his surgery. He spent the night with Meredith, taking care of her. He told the Chief that he needed two weeks off to be with Meredith. Richard was very understanding and got another neurosurgeon to cover for Derek. Derek was in it for the long haul. He was never leaving Meredith, never.


	41. Chapter 41

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith woke up at 3am and could not sleep. The memorial service was today. They weren't having it until the evening. The funeral was in two days in Boston. Her flight left tomorrow. She dreaded it. She was hoping that she could be strong, and not cry. After trying to sleep for an hour, she decided to get up. She made some coffee and read the paper. That was something John always did. Working the hours that she worked, she never knew what was going on unless it happened at the hospital. Derek had stayed the night in her bed. She felt guilty about it. That was part of the reason she couldn't sleep, she felt like John was watching. She cleaned up the house a little. Time was going so slowly. Finally she went into John's office and decided to go through some papers. She remembered what John had said about the papers and account numbers. She found the law book that she had gotten him. The numbers were on page 525 just like he said. She wrote them all down on a piece of paper. She was looking at some books on the shelf and she saw John's journals. John had always kept a journal. She used to laugh about it. She grabbed them and went into the library and sat in a comfortable chair.

She poured over the journals. There were so many things she remembered. He had been writing since high school. He talked about her, and how lucky he was to have her. There was a journal entry recalling the first time that had gotten drunk at a party. She laughed so hard. Especially when he talked about how she puked all over him in the car. She missed that. She did have fun back then. If she didn't have him, who knows what would have happened. She found the entry where it talked about the first time they had sex. It was amazing. She never realized how much it had affected him that she was his first. Then she got to the entry where he talked about losing Bella. She cried so hard. She decided to get the dreaded box down, she needed to. She hadn't seen it since it was packed up. She opened the box, and touched all the items. She was OK. It was ad, but she needed to look at it, she needed to remember. She continued reading the journals, and found the time period when John thought she was having an affair. It was all there. She would have thought the same thing. She never realized how suspicious she was acting. It made her sad, to think that she was part of the reason for their downfall. Then he talked about the girl. He didn't even know her name. But he didn't sleep with her.

Meredith: WHAT? (She bellowed out loud to herself.)

John never slept with the girl. They were close, but Meredith walked in. He never told her the truth. Every time he tried, she said she didn't want to talk about it. All of the times she would get angry and yell at him about it he never said anything. She couldn't believe it. She felt so bad. That was the kind of guy he was, a peace keeper. He just wanted to not make trouble. He wrote that Meredith would never believe him anyway, so why try. If she had known, really known, and believed him, their life would have been different. They would have had a family. She would never met Derek. In her own way, she was glad it happened. Derek was the guy for her. She loved him. He was the one that gave her butterflies. He was the one that made her smile. He was the one that made her so happy that she wanted to run and jump and scream it from the rooftops. The last entry was written the day he died. It said that he knew that she loved Derek, not him. He just wanted her to be happy, truly happy and if that wasn't with him, that was OK. She found peace in his words. She no longer felt guilty about her and Derek. She quietly put the journals away. She ran upstairs, she had to tell Derek she loved him. She wasn't going to live like she did with John. She was going to tell Derek everyday how much she loved him. Derek was sleeping peacefully when Meredith ran and jumped in the bed, waking him suddenly.

Derek: What-What's going on?

Meredith: I love you. That's what's going on. I love you, I love you, I love you, Derek Shepherd.

Derek: I love you too, Meredith. (He kisses her.) What time is it?

Meredith: 5:30am.

Derek: How long have you been up?

Meredith: Since 3.

Derek: (Wraps his arm around her.) Go back to bed. We never get to sleep in. (She fell asleep quickly in her arms, not regretting anything.)

Meredith and Derek woke up at 10. They decided to go out to breakfast. He went with her to the attorney's office. She didn't feel bad about taking him, he was her friend. She felt strange, going to John's work. She had never been there. All that time, and she had never once stepped foot in the office. She talked to the partners, Sam and Chris, whom she'd met at the party a few months ago.

Sam: Meredith, we're so sorry for your loss. (They give her a small hug.) You have our guarantee that This Raymond Jenson will be punished.

Meredith: Thank you. I'd like you to meet Derek Shepherd, a good friend of mine. (They shake hands.) Before John passed her gave me information for our finances and told me to come out you.

Chris: Of course. He made it very clear that if anything ever happened, everything was to go to you. So do you have those numbers.

Meredith: Of course. (Hands them the paper.) Here they are.

Sam: We have most of the information. We need you to sign a few papers, and we already got a copy of the death certificate, so everything should be simple. Every thing will be put into your account, and the investments will be in your name, You can decide what you want to do with those. We will get this straightened around, and we will need you to come back for an appointment to speak further.

Meredith: Sounds good. I just never thought I would have to do this, you know?

Sam: I know, we're so sorry.

Meredith: Where is his office?

Chris: (Walks her over.) Right here. Here, let me get his key.

Meredith: No need. I have it right her. She unlocks the door. When to you need me to clean it out.

Sam: No hurry. This place was as much his as it is ours. Whenever you are ready.

Meredith: OK, thanks.

They leave her and Derek alone. She looks around. It is just what he always wanted. She felt so proud. He had achieved his dream. There were tons of photos of both of them. She was surprised by that. There was their wedding photo, a lot of photos when they were younger, and in love. She looked around, deciding that she was ready to go. She couldn't deal with this yet. She and Derek left together. He didn't say anything, he could tell that she was saddened by the photos. He was too, it made him see how in love they once were.

The day rolled by quickly. Before she knew it, it was time to get dressed for the memorial service. She was having a hard time deciding what to wear. She remembered the conversation that she had with John before they got married. He said that when he was 95 and finally died he wanted everyone to know that he was married to the sexiest woman alive. She laughed. She chose a nice dress, but not too hot. She wanted to be grieving, not looking like she was trolling for guys.

The memorial service was very nice. She couldn't believe how many people showed up. She was shocked. All of her friends came, and many of the doctors. She was half wondering how the hospital was running without everyone. Even her mother came. She gave her a slight hug. She wasn't going to be nasty, not there, not on that day. She could be civil once in her life. Many people had speeches and talked about John. She laughed, she cried. It was sad, but she went home feeling good, feeling like John had made a difference in the world. That night she laid there in Derek's arms while he read the latest medical journal. Tomorrow they were heading to Boston. He was coming too, she wouldn't have it any other way.

---------------

This wasn't the most exciting chapter. I needed to tie up some more lose ends. Thanks for reading!


	42. Chapter 42

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith awoke in Derek's arms. Today she had to go to Boston. At least Derek was coming with her. It would be awkward, there is no question about it. She decided that she would introduce him as a friend of she and John's. She was hoping he wouldn't be offended. She was going to talk to him about it first. She wasn't really worried about what everyone thought about Derek being there. She didn't care, she didn't owe them anything. They wouldn't know that they came together. She had booked the loft suite at the Langham Hotel for she and Derek. Meredith also made arrangements for everyone to come there after the funeral to eat.

Derek: Do you ever sleep?

Meredith: When I don't have to travel across the nation to bury my husband, yes I do.

Derek: Sorry, I shouldn't have asked.

Meredith: I shouldn't have snapped. It's stressful. Who knows who is going to show up. Probably our friends from college and high school. It will be weird, to see them under these circumstances. And telling Lois is not something I want to do. I am going to introduce you as our friend. Is that OK?

Derek: I wouldn't have it any other way. I am your friend. (He kisses her.) Your very, very good friend. (He continues kissing her. She knows where he is going. As bad as she wants to, she isn't ready.)

Meredith: Not right now, OK? It's just too soon.

Derek: What time do we have to leave?

Meredith: In four hours.

Derek: Four hours!! I have to pack my stuff. I have to go to the trailer. (He jumps out of bed.)

Meredith: I have to pack too. I hate packing. John used to do it for me.

Derek: I hate packing too. Unless you like wrinkled clothes, you should probably do it yourself. (She throws a pillow at him.)

Meredith: Thanks! You go to the trailer. Just make sure you are back here in time. Izzie is taking us to the airport.

Derek: OK. See you in a couple of hours. (Kisses her goodbye.)

Izzie showed up right on time. Meredith was already nervous, and if Izzie had been late she probably would have flew off the handle.

Izzie: I wish I could be there with you, Mer. I just can't get off right now.

Meredith: It's OK, Iz, I have Derek. I just shouldn't be doing this, ya know?

Izzie: Life sucks.

Meredith: Yeah it does.

Izzie: So when are you coming back?

Meredith: We will be back in four days. I want to spend a little time with Lois. She doesn't know yet.

Izzie: I'm sorry you have to go through this. (She hugs her.)

The ride to the airport was silent. No one knew what to say. Meredith had heard how sorry people are so many times, she was ready to run herself into the wall. Izzie dropped them off at the door. She had to get back to the hospital. Derek and Meredith made it through security quickly. John used to hate going through the checkpoints, especially when they made him take off his shoes. Derek didn't seem to mind at all. Meredith and Derek were unable to get seats together on the plane. Meredith had gotten her ticket before she knew Derek was coming.

Attendant: I'm sorry, Sir, we cannot let you switch seats. Because of all the new security measures, it is not permitted.

Derek: OK. (Turns to Meredith.) Isn't this great?

Meredith: Yeah, no kidding. We aren't even close to each other. Well, have a good flight. (He kisses her.)

Derek: You too. (Meredith takes her seat. She has an aisle seat. She wanted the window, but they didn't have any open. The woman who has the seat next to her walks up, takes her seat and smiles. She looks like she is around Meredith age, maybe a little older.)

Woman: Hi, I'm Beth.

Meredith: I'm Meredith.

Beth: Are you coming or going?

Meredith: I live in Seattle.

Beth: I am going home, to Boston. I was here to see my sister.

Meredith: Oh that's nice. (Meredith wasn't in the mood to talk.)

Beth: Oh, now that's just creepy.

Meredith: What's that?

Beth: The are loading a casket. I am going to be flying with a corpse. (Meredith looks down at the runway and feels nauseous. Knowing that it was her husband in the box made her feel really upset.) Are you OK? You look pale.

Meredith: That corpse is my husband. (She felt angry, she wanted to shove Beth's head into the window.)

Beth: Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. I had no idea. You're so young. Geez, I'm sorry. (Meredith ignored her and closed her eyes. She was very unhappy to be seated next to this moron. She willed the plane to take off. This flight couldn't go fast enough.)

The flight did go quickly. Meredith had fallen asleep for a few hours. She awoke to the captain saying that they were almost there. She leaned out from her seat to see if she could spot Derek. She couldn't see him, and she was upset. She felt like she needed him. She needed him to tell her everything is OK. Meredith met right up with Derek when they got off of the plane. She was relaying the story of her journey.

Derek: She actually said that?

Meredith: Yeah. I really wanted to hurt her. I never get mad like that. I don't know what came over me.

Derek: Grief. It makes you do things very unlike you.

Meredith: (Grabs his hand.) I'm glad you're here. I need you.

Derek: I will always be here for you, Meredith.

They gathered their luggage and picked up a rental car. It was a black BMW. She wanted to drive something nice. John would want everyone to know that he was successful. He came from nothing, and made himself into something great. That had always meant a lot to him. They made it to the hotel in record time. Their room was beautiful.

Derek: This is nice.

Meredith: Yes, it is. I'm glad I made the right choice. I have picked bad ones before. I need to go see Lois. I also need to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow.

Derek: I was going to check out the downtown. I figured it would be uncomfortable if I went with you.

Meredith: You're probably right. Lois may get upset.

Derek: You take the car. I'll get a cab. This is your home you know where everything is.

Meredith: Sounds good. I'll be back in a few hours. We can go to dinner when I get back.

Derek: Sounds good.

Meredith checked in with the funeral home. Everything was ready. She decided to go to Lois'. She was dreading it, but she had to tell Lois. Lois had to know that her son had passed away. Meredith drove down the familiar tree lined street. So many memories went through her head. She and her mother had lived in the upper-class neighborhood about ten minutes away. But Lois' was her home. This was where she spent her childhood. Playing in these streets, walking hand in hand with John. She pulled up to the familiar brick ranch home. It looked the same as it always had. She slowly walked up the sidewalk to the door. Kelly, the nurse opened the door as she walked up.

Kelly: You must be Meredith.

Meredith: Yes, and you must be Kelly. John said you were great with her. How is she?

Kelly: She's not good. She sleeps most of the time. She hasn't been out of her bed in a week. They have inserted a catheter.

Meredith: (Tears up.) I'm going to go see her.

Kelly: OK.

Meredith walked through the house quietly. She had tears running down her cheeks. She remembered all the times Lois had cooked them dinner. She remembered hanging out watching t.v. with John. She walked by John's room. It was the same as it had been when they lived there. It hurt her to look at it. Things were so perfect back then. They didn't seem like it then, but now she realizes how lucky she was to have them. Meredith walked into Lois' room. She looked so frail. She had lost a lot of weight and her skin was very pale. She sat down next to her bed and held her hand. Lois didn't wake up. Meredith just sat there with memories going through her head for and hour and a half. Kelly finally came in.

Kelly: Has she woken up?

Meredith: No. What is she on? (Kelly gave her a list of medications, and Meredith knew them all.) She probably won't wake up when she's on all this. It's probably for the best, she is in a lot of pain. (Meredith stood up and kissed Lois on the cheek.) I will be back tomorrow, after the funeral.

Kelly: OK

Meredith felt like she should stay with Lois but she couldn't. Emotionally is was too much for her. Lois would understand. Meredith made her way to the hotel. When she got up to the room Derek was reading.

Derek: How did it go?

Meredith: She's not conscious. I couldn't stay. Oh Derek. (She begins crying and he holds her.)

Derek: It's OK, Mer. Everything will be OK.

Meredith and Derek went out to dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. The food was great, but Meredith's heart wasn't in it. Derek decided that they should go back to the hotel. He would bring her back her one day, and they would have a good time. This wasn't a vacation. As soon as they got back to the hotel, Meredith started a bath. She came out and grabbed a glass of wine. She only drank wine when she was depressed.

Meredith: Are you coming?

Derek: Where?

Meredith: I want you in my tub. (They silently laid in the tub, Meredith in Derek's arms.)

The next morning Meredith was a wreck. Nothing seemed to be going right. Her hair wouldn't way the right way, her dress didn't feel right. She was upset that she had to be doing this. She quietly went into the bathroom. She had to cry, she didn't want Derek to see her. Derek got dressed, and didn't see Meredith anywhere. He got near the bathroom and her heard her. He slowly opened the door, and walked over to Meredith who was sitting on the floor.

Derek: Meredith, don't do this. You don't have to be strong, but you can't fall apart. Not now, not ever. I need you. John wouldn't want you to do this to yourself.

Meredith: I'm OK. I just needed to cry. I just felt like crying. What time is it?

Derek: It's time to go.

Meredith quietly rode alone in the limousine to the grave site. Derek drove the rental car. It just wouldn't be proper for him to ride with her. John had no other family, just like her. All she had was her Mother, and she didn't even have her. She had Derek, she reminded herself, he was all she needed. Meredith couldn't believe how many people were there. There were more people here than there were in Boston. She sat silently during the service, a few rouge tears creeping out. She tried to stop them, but she couldn't. When the service was over she laid a single rose on his casket. That was it. He was gone forever. She would never again see his smile, or ouch his skin. Her heart ached.

Meredith was feeling better when she arrived at the hotel. She wasn't looking forward to talking to all of these people. Not under the circumstances. She would feel better if people would quit telling her how sorry they are. She knows. It's sad. Everyone's sorry. She spoke with a lot of the people. There were a few she didn't know, mostly clients. She noticed a few of John's professors, they all talked about how proud they were of him. John's first boss was there. They shared stories from the past. Meredith saw a group of her friends from high school. They weren't close friends. John was her best friends, they all just hung out together.

Jim: Meredith, you look great! I'm so sorry. He loved you so much. How are you holding up?

Meredith: I'm OK. As good as to be expected.

Jim: So how is Seattle?

Meredith: It's great. I love the hospital.

Jim: He was so proud of you. He said you were going to be a better neurosurgeon than your mother.

Meredith: I hope so, some day.

Meanwhile:

Stan: So how did you know John?

Derek: We um- Well Meredith, John, and I were all friends. In Seattle.

Stan: I went to college with him. How is she holding up? You know he loved her so much. It was unbelievable. I feel so bad for her. I don't know how she will go on without him.

Derek: She has a lot of friends who are there for her.

Stan: Well, nice meeting you.

Derek walked over to Meredith. He wanted her to know that he was there for her, no matter what. A group of friends was standing in the corner watching her interact with Derek.

Sam: So, do you think she waited for John to get cold before she started screwing him?

Kel: Sam! We don't know what's going on. He's just a friend.

Tony: Yeah, some friend. Look at them, it's so obvious.

Jen: You guys are horrible. She is our friend.

Kel: Was, she was our friend. After she went to med school, we didn't hear from them at all.

Derek made his way across the room, away from Meredith.

Jackson: You must be Derek.

Derek: Yes, I am. Do I know you?

Jackson: I was John's best friend, since high school. I know all about you. I know about the dates. I don't agree with it.

Derek: I'm sorry?

Jackson: John was out of his mind. He should have known he couldn't give her any rope. She had drifted away from him. They went through a lot. He loved her so much. It was crazy. He lived for her and her alone. His whole life was based on Meredith. He planned every step for her. He knew he had lost her to you. He told me, that she had fallen in love with someone else. If he hadn't died, she would have killed him when she picked you. He couldn't live without her. I don't hold it against you, because I can see that you make her happy. I just want you to know that her was willing to let her go because he loved her. Make it all worth it, don't break her heart. (He walks away leaving Derek in shock.)

Mora: Meredith!

Meredith: _Shit! _(It was Mora. They called her 'Mora the whore-a'. She was out to get anyone's boyfriend or husband. She was a gold digger. She had tried forever to take John from Meredith. Meredith heard that she had been married 6 times, gaining money every time.) Mora! (She put on her best fake smile.)

Mora: How are you? (She was so fake it was sickening.)

Meredith: I'm OK. I will be OK. I miss him, you know?

Mora: He was a great guy. Very successful, I hear.

Meredith: Oh yes. He did _very_ well for himself.

Mora: (Pointing to Derek.) Who's that handsome man?

Meredith: (She felt fire. Mora was not even going to try it with Derek, no way!) Oh, that's just Derek. He was a client of John's. He's a clown.

Mora: Oh, a class clown. I've always had a thing for funny guys.

Meredith: _More like any guys._ No, he's literally a clown. He does birthday parties. John got him off for murder. If you ask me, he did it. He only kills old people, so we didn't worry when we hired him to be our landscaper. _She'll never want a murder/landscaper/clown, right? That was pretty lame, even for me._

Mora: Oh, what a creep, you'd never know it from looking at him!

Meredith: Well, I have to go. Thanks for coming.

Everyone finally left. Meredith was relieved. She and Derek made there way up to the hotel room. A lot had happened today. She just wanted to go rest. She felt like if she ever heard the word sorry again, she was going to blow up.

Meredith: So how bad was it for you?

Derek: It was fine. I was there for you and you alone. Although I have to admit I was surprised when a woman named Mora tried to pick me. Especially when she knew that I was a murdering clown! (Meredith busted out laughing.)

Meredith: I'm sorry. I thought she would leave you alone.

Derek: Evidently it intrigued her.

Meredith: She has no shame!

Derek: In the future, please let me know what I am supposed to be. (Meredith just laughs. It's good to see her smile.)

Meredith decided to go back over to Lois' for awhile. When she got there, Kelly said Lois was doing really bad. She seemed like she was in a great amount of pain. Meredith sat down next to Lois' bed, and held her hand. She was surprised when Lois opened her eyes.

Lois: Meredith.

Meredith: Mom!

Lois: I'm so tired, Mer. I'm just tired.

Meredith: I know, Mom, I know.

Lois: You know I am so proud of you, right? You grew up to be a spectacular woman. I knew you would. I need to know that you will be OK.

Meredith: I will be OK. I will miss you, but don't hold on for me. (She is crying.) I love you, Mom.

Lois: Honey, what's wrong? Something is wrong, it's not me.

Meredith: Oh mom. (She is bawling.) There was an accident.

Lois: What accident?

Meredith: John, he's, he's.

Lois: What?

Meredith: He's dead.

Lois: Oh my God. (She starts crying,) My son, my son. What happened?

Meredith: He fell on a fence.

Lois: When?

Meredith: Three days ago. The funeral was today. We buried him next to Bella.

Lois: Oh my God. (She was inconsolable. Meredith just held her hand and cried. Lois quieted down and fell asleep. Meredith stayed, she couldn't leave. Not after seeing Lois that way. Meredith had drifted to sleep, she woke up several hours later to Lois.) Meredith, I love you. (She took one last breath. She was gone. Meredith cried. She was sad. She knew that Lois was no longer in pain, and she was with her son. That gave her comfort.)

Lois didn't want a funeral. She wasn't that type of person. She wanted to leave this world silently, with no one crying and coming around. She said people always acted differently when someone died. She didn't like that. Meredith and Derek stayed in Boston until she was buried. They were the only two that were there. Derek held Meredith as she cried. She had lost her husband and her mom within a few days. Most people would have lost there mind by now. Meredith and Derek flew back to Seattle together. He held her hand the whole way. When the plane landed Meredith looked over at Derek.

Meredith: It's good to be home. It's good to be home, with you.


	43. Chapter 43

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek and Meredith took a cab home from the airport. Meredith didn't want to bother Izzie, even though she had offered. She was now in charge of everything. Lois' house and assets went to her, along with John's. The attorneys were supposed to call her sometime this week. She just wanted this period in her life over. As they pulled up to the house, she felt a wave of loneliness.

Derek: Are you OK?

Meredith: So much has changed. I'm not even sure where to begin.

Derek: We'll take it one step at a time, and then and hour, and then a day. I'm with you. I will take care of you.

Meredith: Thank you. Today, I just want to rest. I want to watch some movies and just thank God I'm alive. (Meredith opens the front door. They carry their luggage in.)

Derek: Sounds like a plan.

Meredith had Izzie check the house and water the plants while they were gone. When she walked in the kitchen she saw a big plate of muffins. Meredith loved her muffins. She grabbed one and offered one to Derek. Derek of course chose the bran. Meredith chose chocolate. She loved junk food. Izzie had also left Meredith her favorite movie.

Meredith: Maybe we should watch this?

Derek: Sounds good to me. Whatever you want to do is fine.

Meredith made some popcorn and they settled down to watch the movie. Meredith laid her head on Derek's lap as they watched the movie. Derek stroked her hair and watched her. She was so strong, so amazing. He had never known anyone like her. As the movie went on, Meredith got up and walked out.

Derek: Where are you going?

Meredith: I can't. It's going to be sad.

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Yes. Seriously. (Derek started laughing hysterically. John was right.)

Derek: We'll turn it off.

Meredith: You can finish it, if you want.

Derek: Nah, I'm not real into chick flicks.

Meredith: Me neither. Nothing feels right. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here, I don't want to go. I want to go back to work. I need to go back.

Derek: Meredith, you need the time off.

Meredith: I need to get my mind off of things. I know, let's watch some surgery tapes.

Derek: (Laughing at her. She was a surgeon, just like him. She was a surgery junkie.) That sounds good.

Meredith and Derek watched several tapes until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Derek woke up at 2 am and carried her to bed. He knew she would never last two weeks from the hospital. In the morning, Derek woke up and Meredith wasn't in the bed. He walked downstairs and he heard her on the phone. He grabbed a cup of coffee and a bowl of Muesli.

Meredith: OK. Thank you. I will be in later.

Derek: Good morning. (He kisses her.)

Meredith: That was the law office. I have to go there and sign some more papers. There is a lot of money Derek. A lot.

Derek: Well, that's good. Right?

Meredith: Yeah, I guess. It doesn't change anything. Not for me at least. Money has never mattered to me. He worked really hard for it. He was smart, he invested most of it. He paid for my college. He worked two jobs and went to school to support us. I feel guilty about it. Maybe I shouldn't keep it.

Derek: He worked two jobs, went to school and supported you because he loved you. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

Meredith: I am going to set up two scholarships in his name. One for law school and one for med school. He would appreciate that.

Derek: That is a nice idea.

Meredith: I talked to the Chief. We are both going back to work in two days.

Derek: Wha-

Meredith: I don't want to hear it. I can't stay in this prison anymore. I know you can't either.

Derek: OK, you're right. I have no idea what to do with this free time.

Meredith: Good. I'm glad we agree on something!

Meredith and Derek spent the day doing nothing. They were both ready to go absolutely crazy. Meredith got all of the financial things taken care of. John was worth over 12 million dollars. She was in shock. John worked so hard, he was poor all his life, and he never really got to enjoy it. He lived comfortably but he was always working. They had never taken a real vacation. Meredith got the scholarships set up. She also donated to several charities. That made her feel a lot better about having the money. She called the Mercedes dealership and made arrangements to buy John's car, rather than turn it in. She had always had a hard time letting things go. She was going to start driving it, along with the jeep. She needed one nicer car she told herself.

Finally it was the day. The day she got to go back to work. She woke up early, picked out some clothes and started the shower. She walked over to a sleeping Derek. He was sleeping so peacefully, she didn't want to wake him. She knew he had to get up. She softly rubbed his shoulder.

Meredith: Der, it's time to get up.

Derek: Already?

Meredith: Yep. Get up. I need your assistance.

Derek: With what?

Meredith: I need a shower wake up call.

Derek: (Jumps up, smiling.) I think I can help you out there.

Meredith climbed in the shower, Derek happily followed her. She smiles at him. He is prefect, the perfect man. She pours body wash on her loofa and washing her body. Derek cannot contain himself. The suds running down her body, the steam. He begins to run his hands down her body. She doesn't stop him. Derek begins kissing her, searching her mouth with his tongue. He continues kissing her body and tickling her with his tongue. She moans. She needs him inside her. She needs him desperately. He pushes her against the wall and enters her body. He thrusts into her slowly increasing in speed and intensity. She feels herself at the edge. She is looking over the cliff, her body wants to take the plunge into the deep. She holds herself back, extending her pleasure. He thrusts again, this time she cannot contain herself. She has to go there, her body wills it. She lets out a scream, Derek smiles at her pleasure. They climax together.

Derek: (Panting.) Now that is the way to start the day.

Meredith: No, that is the breakfast of champions!

Meredith drove to the hospital in John's Mercedes. Derek drove separately. He was supposed to get off much earlier than she was. He promised to make her dinner. She was so happy to be going to work. She loved her job. She couldn't imagine not doing it. She pulled into the parking lot next to Alex.

Alex: Nice wheels.

Meredith: Thanks.

Alex: You are back early. Aren't you supposed to be off another week?

Meredith: I was going nuts. I needed to be here.

Alex: So I'm supposed to ask, how are you?

Meredith: I'm OK.

Alex: That's good.

They made small talk all the way up to the locker room. She felt more comfortable in the hospital than anywhere else. She walked down the familiar halls. Nurses and doctor alike were welcoming her back. She felt different today. She didn't feel strange being back. When she opened the locker room Izzie ran right up to her and gave her a huge hug.

Izzie: Mer! You're back!

Meredith: I am.

George: How are you?

Meredith: I am great!

Cristina: Hey, I'm your person here! I haven't had anyone to bitch to lately.

Meredith: I missed you too!

Cristina: So you're all bright and cheery for someone who just lost her husband.

Izzie: Cristina!

Meredith: Nope, it's OK. I can handle her. She's my person, remember.

Bailey: Thompson! I didn't know you were back today.

Meredith: I am. I am ready to work.

Bailey: SCUT. You need to get back in slowly. You've been through a lot.

Meredith: I need a surgery! Please! Anything.

Bailey: Fine, you're with me. I have a bowel resection on the board.

Meredith: Thank you!

Bailey: Yang, you're on the case too.

Cristina: So you're all bright and shiny.

Meredith: Yeah. I had a good breakfast.

Cristina: You got laid! You little whore.

Meredith: What can I say? Shower sex is good. Shower sex with McDreamy is great!

Cristina: I don't think I like this side of you.

Meredith: Don't worry. I'm still all dark and twisty.

Cristina: Good! (They begin to scrub in.)

Bailey: OK, Let's get this done. Meredith, are you sure you are ready?

Meredith: I'm ready. Thank you for the flowers, by they way.

Bailey: I was just thinking of you. And no, I am not going soft.

The surgery went well. Meredith was so happy to be in the operating room and back in the real world. This was her world, this was her life. She had Derek and she had surgery, she didn't need anything else. Meredith, Cristina and Bailey were in the scrub room.

Bailey: Just to warn you, Thompson, your mother is in the building.

Meredith: I thought it was hot in here. Did you smell the burning flesh?

Cristina: You are so bad!

Meredith: I know!

Meredith and Derek had lunch together. He had ran out to the deli and got her ham and swiss, her favorite.

Meredith: So, my mother is here.

Derek: I thought I saw a broom by the entrance. Are you going to talk to her?

Meredith: I'm thinking the usual. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Derek: That may not be a bad idea.

Meredith: I'm just not ready for her comments yet.

Derek: I don't know how you ever are.

Meredith: Thanks for the lunch, I have to go. I can't wait for dinner.

Derek: Well I can't wait for dessert!

Meredith: I bet you can't, you dirty boy. Make sure you pick up some whipped cream.

Derek: You bet I will!

Meredith: I bet you will...

Meredith was walking down the hall, reading a chart that Bailey had given her, when she ran into someone.

Ellis: Meredith!

Meredith: Ellis.

Ellis: Meredith, I am your mother.

Meredith: Well, you never acted like it!

Ellis: You have been through a lot, I'm sorry.

Meredith: That's what everyone says. I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that my husband died. I'm sorry that my mom died.

Ellis: That's not- Meredith I am sorry. I am sorry to you. I am sorry about Ray. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough attention or love. I'm sorry that I alienated you. I wish I could go back. I wish I could change everything. I can't. I just can't. The happiest day of my life was the day you were born. I held you in my arms, and I promised I would take care of forever. I didn't keep my promise, Meredith. I want to keep it now. Please, please Meredith, give me another chance. Please. I want to get to know you. You are my daughter. I am proud of you. You are everything I wish I was. I wanted to be a great surgeon, and I am. But I forgot one thing along the way, I forgot to care. I'm ready now. Lois did a wonderful job with you, she loved you. I want to love you. I love you Meredith. Please, let me.

Meredith: (So full of emotion. She thought of John and how she couldn't let that night go. She had to let go. She had to learn to forgive.) Oh, Mom! (She hugs her. Everyone is looking. This was a big deal, Ellis Grey hugging her daughter, in front of everyone.) I love you, Mom.

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I think tomorrow will be the last chapter. It is so sad. I don't know what I will do when it's over! People need to update their fics!!! It's killing me. I am reading 11, and only 3 were updated in a week's time.


	44. Chapter 44

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Ellis: So, how would you like to grab a cup of coffee with your Mom?

Meredith: I would like that. (They walk off.)

Ellis: I feel like I'm getting to know you for the first time. I am, I am getting to know you, for the first time. (She was rambling, very unlike her. She was nervous.)

Meredith: We have a lot of catching up to do. (They walk up to the coffee cart.) I'll have a coffee, two cream, one sugar.

Ellis: (Laughs.) I'll have the same. We are more alike than I realized!

Meredith: I guess we are. (They grab their coffees, and go sit down.)

Ellis: How are you? How are you _really?_

Meredith: I'm OK. No, I'm not. (She felt odd. She felt like she could open up to Ellis.) I have a quite a bit of guilt.

Ellis: You will have.

Meredith: There were many things that I wish I had never done.

Ellis: But you did. You did, and it is OK. I'm sorry, Mer. I should have never convinced you to marry John.

Meredith: No. I don't regret it. I loved John. I will never stop loving him. We were OK. We were more OK than I ever realized until now. Things tore us apart. I should have never let it happen. I was the one who changed, not him. (Ellis' pager goes off.)

Ellis: I'm sorry, dear. I have to go. Let's have dinner tonight.

Meredith: I can't, Der- I have plans. Maybe sometime this week?

Ellis: I go home tomorrow.

Meredith: Well, maybe next time.

Ellis: Yeah, maybe next time. (Ellis was surprisingly sad. She wanted to spend time with Meredith.)

Meredith sat there trying to absorb what had just transpired. She never thought she would be able to connect with her mom. It was like her mom had melted after a twenty year freeze. She needed her. She never thought she would say that, but she did. She needed her mother.

Cristina: So what the hell was that? Everyone is talking.

Meredith: That was my mom, being nice. It was almost scary.

Cristina: Everyone is saying Ellis Grey has gone soft.

Meredith: Oh, well wait until she hears that! She will be back to alienating me in no time at all. It was just...

Cristina: This is weird. Are you OK? I mean that is your mother, the one you _hate._

Meredith: Well, I guess we'll see. I am not going to get my hopes up. She did ask me to dinner. I was in shock.

Cristina: What did you say?

Meredith: No. Derek is cooking me dinner.

Cristina: (Raises her eyebrows.) So this thing with you and McDreamy...

Meredith: It's intense.

Cristina: Seriously?

Meredith: I have never felt this way.

Cristina: A lot of the nurses are talking about it.

Meredith: I'm not surprised. The tragedy of my husband had worn off, now they are back to gossip.

Cristina: You should seriously think about not calling him your husband anymore.

Meredith: Why?

Cristina: You just should, especially if things are moving on with Derek.

Meredith: Derek doesn't care.

Cristina: Believe me, he does.

Meredith: OK. (Rolls her eyes.)

Cristina: So the sex, is it hot?

Meredith: Cristina!

Cristina: Come on...

Meredith: It's unbelievable. I'm strung out on McDreamy.

Cristina: Nice.

Meredith: I gotta go.

Cristina: Me too. Burke has an aortic aneurysm to do.

Meredith: I'm jealous. I have charts.

Cristina: Have fun with that!

Meredith: It's better than being at home!

Meredith began working on the charts when she got a page from Bailey. Bailey wanted her to go to the pit. The pit was better than doing SCUT. Meredith was waiting for an ambulance to come in. She started having flashbacks of John. The feeling she had that day when she saw him on the stretcher, was like someone had pulled the rug out from under her. She started to sweat, she felt like the apocalypse was coming. When they pulled up and the doors open she held her breath. She knew John wouldn't be in there, but the feeling, the worry was intense. They brought a little boy out. He had a broken leg. It was a very nasty break, the bone was sticking out. She pages Dr. Torres and took the patient up.

Meredith: It's bad.

Callie: Yeah, it is. Poor kid. Get an x-ray. How did he do this?

Meredith: He was playing superman. He jumped off of his roof.

Callie: Kids, I don't know about them sometimes.

Meredith: Yeah, I know.

Meredith scrubbed in on the surgery with Callie. The way the break was, it took a lot of time. They had to put several pins and small plate in. Meredith was shocked when she got out of surgery and it was two hours past when she told Derek she would be home. She still had to take the patient through recovery. She would be there another couple of hours. She wanted to call Derek but she didn't have time. Callie had her running all over the place. After a few hours, she finally got to go home. She tried to call Derek but there was no answer. It was late, he probably gave up on her hours ago. She pulled into the garage. There was no car in the driveway. He wasn't there. When she went in the house, it was dark and quiet. There was a note that he knew about the surgery, and he went home. He had put her dinner in the refrigerator. She looked it there. It was lemon chicken, which she loved. Her heart sank. He wasn't there. She wanted him there with her. She wondered why he hadn't stayed. She ate her dinner alone, and then headed up to bed. She laid there for a few hours. She couldn't sleep, not without him. She jumped out of bed and threw some things in a bag. She had to be up in four hours, but four hours of sleep were better than non. She needed Derek. She hoped in her car and drove there quickly. When she pulled up to the trailer she saw his car. The trailer was dark. She got out of her car and went to the door. It was unlocked. How safe, she thought. She walked in and saw him sleeping, or at least she thought. She jumped into bed.

Derek: What are you doing here?

Meredith: You left me alone. Don't you know I'm afraid of the dark?

Derek: (Chuckles.) No, that I did not know. How was the surgery?

Meredith: It was good. Dinner alone was great. The life of a surgeon. (She wraps her arms around him.) I'm tired.

Derek: Me too. I haven't fallen asleep yet.

Meredith: Why is that?

Derek: I don't know, it's never been a problem. You have ruined me.

Meredith: I tend to do that.

Derek: I have a hard time believing that.

Meredith: Well, goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight. Hey Mer-

Meredith: Yes.

Derek: I love you.

Meredith: (She smiles.) I love you too. (They were both asleep within five minutes.)

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OK, small update. I can't let go. I tried. I am going to keep going. It will have an end, but I will build up to it. It will be a lot of fluff, and less drama. Let me know if that's OK. I could compile it into a summary in one chapter and end it. Up to you guys.


	45. Chapter 45

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith awoke in Derek's arms. She felt so comfortable. She would give anything to stay there all day. She laid there watching him. It all worked out. She never thought it would. She never had to choose. She had chosen, but she never had to break anyone's heart. Derek began to stir.

Derek: What are you doing?

Meredith: Watching you.

Derek: I am good looking, I can see why you are.

Meredith: (Laughs.) Yes you are. So why didn't you stay at the house?

Derek: I didn't feel right, you weren't there.

Meredith: My house is your house. I want you there. Besides, someone needs to keep my bed warm.

Derek: (Rolls over tickling her.) So that's all I'm good for?

Meredith: Well, yeah. (She says matter of fact.)

Derek: Let's stay in bed all day.

Meredith: OK. (She rolls over kissing him.) As entertaining as you are, I do have to work. You have to save lives.

Derek: Ah, yes. Saving lives is a good thing.

Meredith: Yes- it is. I need to take a shower.

Derek: I'm coming with you.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Yes.

Meredith: Will we both fit?

Derek: Of course.

Meredith: (Raises her eyebrows.) You sound like you know from experience?

Derek: No, no experience in this shower. Any shower, for that matter. You think I bring girls home to my trailer?

Meredith: The trailer is quite a bit of incentive. I would _definitely_ go home with a guy that lives in a trailer. Especially this one, that you can tow away. (Sarcastically.)

Derek: Hey, there is nothing wrong with this trailer! (He chases her as she runs to the shower.)

Meredith: Of course not. (They quickly strip down and climb into the shower.) It's a little tight.

Derek: We'll just have to get closer.

Meredith: I like how you think.

Meredith and Derek begin kissing each other. She can't keep her hands off of him. She hates it. Why did he have to do this to her? She wraps her legs around him and he pushes her up against the wall.

Meredith: You better make this quick. We're going to be late. (Out of breath.)

Derek: I can be quick.

Meredith: I bet you can.

They are all over the shower, which is very small. They manage to make it work. They both climax together.

Meredith: That was quick.

Derek: Too quick? (Meredith laughs.) Hey! (Derek pushes Meredith up against the wall. It isn't the wall, they both come crashing out of the door.)

Meredith: I told you the shower was too small.

Derek: I guess you were right.

They both get up and get dressed. They drive separately to work. Derek has two surgeries scheduled and Isn't sure what time he will be home.

Cristina: Don't we look happy?

Meredith: I am.

Alex: You got laid. Geez, you don't waste anytime. Didn't John just kick it? (Meredith frowns and drops her head. Izzie walks over and smacks Alex is the head hard.) What the hell was that for?

Cristina: You are a dumb ass.

Alex: I'm just saying...(Izzie smacks him again.) OK, fine. It's cool. I'm a man whore, I have no room to talk.

Meredith: So now I'm a whore?

Izzie: Mer- you are not a whore.

Meredith: (Smiles.) I'm a whore. I'm a hot sweaty shower sex having whore. How do you like that? I like it. It was good. Mind blowingly good. How was your night, Evil Spawn? (Alex frowns.) That's what I thought.

Bailey: OK, suck-ups. Get off your asses and get to work. Yang-Me, O'Malley-Burke, Thompson-Shepherd, Karev-She-Sloan, and Stevens you have Sloan. Get moving, let's go!

Cristina: Burke better not have anything good! I'm going into Cardio-Thorasic, I don't know why she wastes my skills.

Meredith: Live with it.

Cristina: There's my person. You were too nice today.

Meredith meets up with Derek in the patient's room.

Derek: Dr. Thompson. (He smiles.)

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd. (She had to look away, she was going to laugh.)

Derek: Today we are going to be removing a tumor in Mrs. Johnson's frontal lobe.

Meredith: Sounds good. (She gives him the 'dirty' look.)

Derek: Yes, it does. (He smiles acknowledging the look. They stand there staring at each-other for a long time.)

Mrs. Johnson: Hello, hello?

Derek: Ah, yes Mrs. Johnson?

Mrs. Johnson: You two were somewhere else. You are so in love. It's cute.

Meredith: Uh.

Mrs. Johnson: You can't fool me. You are an adorable couple.

Derek: Well, thank you.

Mrs. Johnson: How long will this surgery take?

Derek: About two hours. Don't worry, you will be fine!

Mrs. Johnson: I'm not worried.

Derek: Good. Mer- Dr. Thompson, please prep our patient.

Meredith: Right away, Sir. (He laughs.)

Meredith and Derek were the only ones in the scrub room. She didn't say anything, she just glanced over at him.

Derek: You are pathetic!

Meredith: What?

Derek: I see you checking me out!

Meredith: (Laughs.) Seriously?

Derek: Seriously. You want me.

Meredith: I want to take you right now, in front of everyone.

Derek: I know you do. (She punches him in the arm.) Was that a tiny ineffectual fist I felt?

Meredith: Shut up! (They walk into the OR.)

Derek: It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun. (He gives Meredith a seductive look.)

Meredith: (Talking low.) I would love to have some fun. (He smiles. They continue to make looks at each other. The sexual tension was very strong.)

Derek: In the OR? Sounds like a plan. I would never look at the operating table the same.

Meredith: Hmmm.

The surgery went along as planned. Meredith and Derek meet up in the scrub room.

Derek: I can't have you scrub in on my next case. (He says with a serious look on his face.)

Meredith: Are you kidding?

Derek: No.

Meredith: What the hell? (Getting mad.)

Derek: I can't concentrate.

Meredith: You're serious.

Derek: Yes, I am. I'm going to screw up. This has never happened to me.

Meredith: Fine, I just won't give you sex anymore. (She walks out.)

Derek: (Yells down the hallway.) You're kidding, right? Dr. Thompson? (She keeps walking, laughing loudly.)

Cristina, Alex and Izzie are all sitting in the cafeteria eating their lunch. Meredith grabs a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and plops down with a huff.

Alex: What has your panties in a bunch?

Meredith: Nothing!

Cristina: It's something.

Izzie: It's something to do with McDreamy.

Meredith: Is not!

Izzie: So is.

Alex: What? No on-call room hookup?

Meredith: It's just, and I-

Cristina: Did you get in a fight?

Meredith: Yes- No. No fight. I'm mad, he's fine. Whatever. Fine, he won't let me scrub in on his next case.

Alex: What the hell did you do?

Meredith: Had shower sex.

Cristina: What? (Scrunches her nose?)

Meredith: He won't let me scrub in because I apparently distract him. He said he can't concentrate.

Izzie: That's actually pretty responsible of him. It was probably heard to admit that.

Meredith: Yeah, well no sex for him.

Alex: Dude, he''s going to love that.

Meredith: (Smiles.) Yeah he will.

The rest of the day went quickly. Derek had an emergency surgery came in. He called Meredith and said he wouldn't be home tonight. Meredith had no idea what to do with herself. She took a long, hot bath and thought about everything that had happened in the past few months. She would have never guessed everything would end up this way. She finally laid down in her bed. She tossed and turned, she was having a horrible time sleeping without Derek. She got up and grabbed his t-shirt. It smelled like him.

It was three in the morning when Derek got done with everything. He took a shower and found an on-call room. He laid there for an hour, and could not fall asleep. He groaned as he pulled himself out of bed. He had to be back to the hospital in four hours. Any sane person would have just stayed. He couldn't. He got in his car and drove to the house. When he got into Meredith's room he just smiled at the sight. She was asleep with his shirt under her head. He climbed into bed, kissed her on the head, and closed his eyes.

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I probably won't be able to update until Wednesday. I just love Meredith and Derek! I hope Derek doesn't take Ellis' words to heart. (On the show.) I would have to hurt her if what she said changes anything!


	46. Chapter 46

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek is getting closer to insanity, as Meredith will not have sex with him. He has been pouting and begging for a week with no avail. Meredith is having a good time. She knows she can out last him, she went without for 7 years. All of the staff at Seattle Grace can barely stand to be around him, he is so grouchy. The interns are outside having lunch as Cristina walks up.

Cristina: OK, so your McBoyfriend is a McAsshole.

Meredith: Are you speaking to me? (She says innocently.)

Cristina: Who else's boyfriend would I be talking about?

Meredith: Izzie?

Cristina: Seriously, McDreamy is making Evil Spawn seen like an angel.

Meredith: I don't know why. (She laughs.)

Alex: Do him already!

Izzie: Seriously. He is unbearable!

George: He is pretty bad. He is snapping at everyone.

Meredith: What makes you think It is me? Maybe it is something else.

Alex: It's you, believe me. I'm a guy, I know.

Cristina: You're a guy?

Alex: Funny, Crack-whore.

Izzie: It won't kill you.

Meredith: I am making a point. I am going into Neuro. Am I supposed to never see a brain again?

Alex: He'll get over it. Just give him what he wants.

Cristina: Yeah. God, what have you done to the man?

Meredith: What do you mean?

Cristina: It's been what? A week?

George: That's not that long.

Alex: Speak for yourself, Bambi.

Meredith: What can I say? He must enjoy what he's got.

Izzie: Obviously.

Alex: I am going to have to work with him eventually. (Derek walks over and sits with Addison and Mark facing Meredith.) I will pay you!

Meredith: So now I'm a prostitute?

Alex: 500 bucks.

Meredith: To sleep with my boyfriend?

Alex: Yep.

Meredith: OK.

Cristina: OK?

Meredith: Yep, OK.

Meredith looks over at Derek giving him a seductive look. He glares at her.

Cristina: He's pissed.

Meredith: You bet he is. (She licks her lips and bites her bottom lip.)

Alex: I think he might kill you if you keep doing that.

Over at the other table:

Mark: Still no sex?

Derek: No sex. (Grumbles.)

Mark: What did you do?

Derek: I told her she couldn't scrub in with me. She distracts me.

Mark: Are you kidding me? You can't be distracted. Nothing makes you lose focus.

Derek: Something does now. (He looks over at Meredith laughing with her friends. He would take her right now in front of everyone if she would let him.)

Mark: You realize you will have to let her scrub in eventually. Bailey won't put up with that.

Derek: She's a resident.

Mark: OK, are you losing your mind? We are talking about Bailey here. She's a Nazi. She may be small, but she will kick your ass man!

Derek: Crap. This is not good. Damn Meredith! She has me addicted to her.

Addison: You men, and I use the word loosely, are pathetic!

Mark: What?

Addison: Maybe there is more to a relationship than sex!

Mark: Is there?

Addison: Do you like our sofa?

Mark: Yeah, why?

Addison: That's where you are sleeping tonight. (She walks off.)

Mark: Now look what you have done!

Derek: Me? You!

Mark: I have to fix this. See you later. (He runs after Addison.)

Derek: Bye. (He gets up and walks by Meredith whispering in her ear and licking it with his tongue.) You know you want this.

Meredith: (She spits out her chips.) Seriously? You want to play that way? OK. (Derek looks back at her.) You have a hand you know, use it! I'm sure it would work fine. Do you hear me Dr. Shepherd? Alex, I don't want your money. Get ready to suffer!

Cristina: That was wrong!

Meredith spent the day torturing Derek. Every time he would look over at her, she would give him the look. He was a sex fiend, he was even ready to admit it. He did. He got her in the stairwell and begged. He even told her she could scrub in on any case he had. She told him that it was beyond that now. She was just enjoying watching him squirm. He tried to do the same, but came up short, and he knew it. Derek was sitting at the nurses station reading a chart, Meredith walked over and leaned on him to grab something. He turned red. He was going out of his mind. Meredith made she she planted a pair of lacy panties in his locker. She wished she would be there to see his face when he found them. They were supposed to get off around the same time so they drove together that morning. Meredith was in the lobby waiting for him. Everyone kept giving her dirty looks as they walked by. They knew she was the reason for Derek's attitude. Finally Derek walks up.

Derek: Have you been waiting long?

Meredith: Nope. Are you ready to go home where there will be no sex, once again?

Derek: (His face drops.) Meredith. Seriously, you are killing me. I don't know how much longer I can wait!

Meredith: You are too much! (Derek grabs her panties out of his pocket.)

Derek: This was a nice touch. (He starts waving them around.) Maybe I should show everyone these?

Meredith: Don't you dare! (She tries to grab them out of his hand.)

Derek: Still no sex? (He continues to hold them out her reach.)

Meredith: If you don't give me those, there will be sex. But you won't have to worry, it won't be with you! (He hands them to her. They get in the car. Derek is purposely not talking to her. She puts her hand on his thigh, moving it up. He pulls away and almost runs the car off the road.)

Derek: Are you trying to kill us?

Meredith: Tense, aren't we?

Derek: I wonder why. (They pull into the garage. Meredith walks into the house. Derek starts pulling out pans and food.)

Meredith: I'm going to take a shower. A hot, steamy shower. I'll be thinking about you.

Derek: I am truly ready to hit you with this pan!

Meredith: I bet you are!

Meredith took a hot shower and decided to make Derek suffer even more. She got out lingerie, the stuff Derek liked. She knew it would kill him to see her in it. She was ready to crack soon, but she was never going to let him know that. She towel dried her wet hair and put the lingerie on. She walked down the stairs. Derek looked at her. She knew he was sweating, he was really suffering. He quickly looked away.

Meredith: How do I look, baby?

Derek: (Shrugged his shoulders.) Fine.

Meredith: Seriously? Just fine? (She walks over and pushes him against the countertop, and kisses him.)

Derek: You look good. (He keeps cooking and ignores her. He was going to beat her at her own game.)

Meredith: Good, huh? (She strips down to nothing.) What about now?

Derek: (She piqued his attention.) Now that's what I'm talking about. (He walks toward her to kiss her, hoping she had cracked.)

Meredith: Um, nah. (She turns and walks away.)

Derek: Oh, OK. Two can play this game! (He pulls his clothes off and leaves them on the floor.)

Meredith: Are you freaking kidding me? Do you think looking at _that_ is going to do anything for me? (She points at him and laughs.)

Derek: _That_ has mad you _very_, and I stress _very_ happy in the past!

Meredith: Hum, that may be. The past, yes, right now, nah. (She busts out laughing. He starts chasing her around the island countertop. They don't even notice their guests have arrived.)

Izzie: Um, Hi.

Meredith: (Standing like a deer in the headlights. Derek is behind the counter, no one can see him.) Oh my God. (There are no clothes or items to cover herself up with.) Alex, turn around! (He just stares at her.) NOW! (She runs up the stairs.)

Izzie: Alex, don't you dare turn around!

Alex: What? I'm a man, men look!

Izzie: Not you!

Derek: Well, um, welcome. (He starts putting his clothes on.)

Meredith: Derek! Get your ass up here! (Alex and Izzie can hear Meredith screaming at Derek. Meredith comes back downstairs with Derek fully clothed.) So, Hello! Derek failed to tell me that we were having you two over for dinner. Would you like something to drink?

Alex: Dude. You guys are freaks!

Derek: Thanks.

Izzie: Yeah, I'll have something.

Derek: How about some wine?

Meredith: I'll go down to the cellar.

Derek: I'll come with you.

Derek and Meredith both trot down to the basement.

Derek: So what do you want?

Meredith: You!

She shoves him up against the wall, covering his mouth with hers. She unbuttons his shirt, and he slides hers over her head. He gropes her breasts, Meredith lets out a moan and begins to kiss his neck. He pulls his pants off and lets them drop to the floor. She takes hers off, and wraps her legs around him, sliding him inside of her. He lays her on the bar. He looks into her eyes he feels like he has been waiting a lifetime for her. It was worth the wait. He begins to thrust harder and harder. She let out a loud scream and yelled his name, while her body shook. He releases with a moan. She slides down placing her feet on the floor.

Derek: Now that-

Meredith: Was some good wine.

Derek: Yes- it was. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Derek grabs a bottle of wine and heads upstairs following Meredith. Alex and Izzie wondered if they were ever coming back. They knew what was going on. They were happy, at least Derek would be back to his old self. He was completely in love with Meredith, everyone could see it.

Izzie: Back so soon. (She chuckles.)

Meredith: We were having a hard time picking a bottle.

Alex: I bet you were! (Alex gives Derek a look, and Derek returns it.)

Derek: So, I hope you are hungry!

Izzie: Starved. I don't think you guys are. (They all laugh.)

They had a quiet dinner. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Meredith and Derek kept giving each other looks all through dinner. Alex and Izzie left soon after they were done eating. They were afraid that Derek and Meredith were going to go at it on the table. As soon and Alex and Izzie left, Derek threw the dishes in the dishwasher and ran upstairs following Meredith. They had a lot to make up for.

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There will probably be no update Wednesday, my plans changed. A little drama will be coming soon. Thanks for reading!


	47. Chapter 47

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Alex made sure to tell all of the other interns about finding Derek and Meredith naked in their kitchen. Everyone made it a point to tease them mercilessly. Cristina was giving Meredith a hard time because she gave in to Derek so easily. Cristina had no idea how hard it was to hold out to McDreamy. Alex was giving Meredith a hard time about seeing her in the buff.

Meredith: Alex, quit looking at me like that!

Alex: Like what?

Meredith: Like you've seen me naked.

Alex: But I have. See, anytime I want I can close my eyes and relive the moment.

Meredith: You are evil!

Alex: I know. (Alex closes his eyes. Izzie and Cristina walk up.)

Izzie: Is he doing it again?

Meredith: Yes.

Cristina: Get a life, Evil Spawn!

Alex: What? Fine, I'm leaving. (He gets up and walks away.)

Izzie: I'm getting a little jealous here.

Meredith: Of what?

Izzie: You. It's awkward. Once you see someone naked, it doesn't leave your mind.

Meredith: Seriously? I think Alex would much rather envision his lingerie model girlfriend, than me!

Izzie: You don't give yourself enough credit. Besides, we've been having problems in the bedroom if you know what I mean.

Cristina: That sucks. I mean if Burke couldn't get it up, we'd be done.

Meredith: No you wouldn't. You are full of crap.

Cristina: It would be a major problem.

Meredith: Well, I think that is one problem that Derek will never have. (She smiles.)

Izzie: Alex has been distracted and secretive. Something is going on.

Cristina: Let's spy on him.

Meredith: That's just wrong. Besides, he's not a cheater.

Izzie: I think we should! I would feel better about it. I need to know.

Meredith: So what are we going to do? Follow him around?

Izzie: Well, yeah. And listen up for anything out of the ordinary.

Cristina: Oh, this will be good! We are so going to catch him.

Izzie: Thanks! I mean for the confidence that he's not cheating on me, and all.

Cristina: I'm just saying.

Izzie: Whatever.

Meredith: Derek's birthday is coming up. I have no idea what to get him.

Izzie: What does he like?

Meredith: Stuff. I don't know. I mean, what do I get him? He's my boyfriend. It needs to be serious, but not too serious.

Cristina: You are putting way too much thought into this!

Meredith: What did you get Burke?

Cristina: Nothing. We don't celebrate.

Izzie: How can you not celebrate? Everyone wants presents! On my birthday I want presents. Do you hear me? Presents. Lots of them!

Meredith: I will note that! (Derek walks up.)

Derek: Hello Doctors.

Izzie and Cristina: Hello, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: (Kisses Meredith.) How are you?

Meredith: Good.

Derek: What were you talking about?

Meredith: What I am going to get you for your big day.

Derek: What big day?

Meredith: Your birthday!

Derek: I don't celebrate it. I'm getting too old.

Meredith: That may be, but we are going to celebrate it! It's the first birthday since I've known you.

Derek: Really, I dread the day!

Meredith: So what do you want? I need ideas.

Derek: You. Naked. In my bed. Or yours.

Izzie: That is my cue to go.

Cristina: I think I'm going to McVomit! See ya. (They both leave.)

Derek: That's the way to get rid of them!

Meredith: Hey, those are my friends.

Derek: Can your friends do this? (He kisses her neck.)

Meredith: So this is why I keep you around. This is going to be the best birthday of your life! (Her pager goes off.) Crap! I gotta go. (She starts to leave.) I'm on call tonight.

Derek: I will see you in the on-call room tonight then.

Meredith smiled. She was in love. Derek could go home and sleep in a comfortable bed, but he won't. He will stay with her. It was probably the hot sex, but she choose not to think of it that way. Besides, Derek wasn't really like that. She found Dr. Bailey, and she informed her of what was going on. Meredith scrubbed in on a spleenectomy with her. It took awhile, and the whole time Meredith was racking her brain as to what to get Derek. The night went quickly and Meredith finally found her way to the on-call room where Derek was sleeping. She climbed in the bed and snuggled up against him. She loved the way he smelled. She loved the way he felt. She loved being next to him. It felt safe. It felt like home.

Derek: Good surgery?

Meredith: It was OK.

Derek: Just OK.

Meredith: I'm tired. I wasn't into it.

Derek: My mom called.

Meredith: Oh.

Derek: She's coming to town for my birthday. She will be here in 4 days.

Meredith: What? Oh my God. I'm not ready for this. This is the first birthday. Now I have to impress you and her. Oh my God.

Derek: Mer- Calm down! She will love you!

Meredith: What if she doesn't?

Derek: She will.

Meredith: Where is she going to stay?

Derek: I was thinking the hotel. She can't stay at the trailer. When she finds out I live in a trailer she will die.

Meredith: Your mother isn't staying in a hotel. Besides, you don't live in a trailer. You live in a house, with me.

Derek: Are you sure you want her in your house. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

Meredith: You said she will love me.

Derek: She will.

Meredith: OK then. It's settled. Goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight! (He kisses her neck.)

Meredith was slightly worried about Lynn, Derek's mother coming. What if she didn't like her? What if she was judgmental. John just died. Was it too fast. Maybe she shouldn't be with Derek yet. Maybe things are moving too quickly. How was she going to explain everything. What if she wanted them to get married? He is her only boy, she will probably be protective of him. She couldn't stop worrying. She began tossing and turning.

Derek: Mer-

Meredith: Yeah?

Derek: Quit worrying.

Meredith: OK.

Meredith had been asleep for about 2 hours, when her pager went off. She was unbelievably tired. She felt like she had been dragged by a horse, then run over by a bus. She dragged herself out of the bed and ran to Dr. Sloan.

Addison: That was fast, I'm impressed.

Meredith: What do we have?

Addison: Mrs. Branson's baby is in distress. We need to go in right now. You prep her, and then scrub in. (Meredith did and they were in the OR.)

Addison: So how are things? With Derek.

Meredith: Great, wonderful. Crap. I don't know.

Addison: What's wrong?

Meredith: His birthday is coming up. I don't know what to get him. It's the first birthday, since we have been together. It needs to be good. If that's not bad enough, his mom is coming in. (Addison's face goes pale.) What?

Addison: I don't mean to scare you-

Meredith: (Getting a concerned look on her face.) What?

Addison: Well, don't be surprised if she comes in on a broom. She is wicked.

Meredith: You are kidding, right. Right?

Addison: Did Derek ever tell you how we met?

Meredith: No.

Addison: We went on a date. One date. It was horribly boring. It ended in him giving me Mark's number. He said Mark and I would have a lot in common. We did. Derek and I, well it was a joke.

Meredith: And?

Addison: Oh yeah. So anyway, Derek took me to his house and I met her. She is the most boorish, vile, evil woman in the world. All she did was judge me, and put me down. She said I wasn't good enough for her son. It was horrible. (Meredith starts laughing, thinking that she is joking.) Meredith- I am not kidding. (She had a very serious look on her face.)

Meredith: You're not. Shit. What did Derek do?

Addison: He is a wimp when it comes to her. He won't stand up to her. The funny thing is, since I have been with Mark, she had been the nicest person ever. She doesn't want anyone with her son. Meredith you have to go in there guns blazing ready to shoot up the town. You can't show her fear. No fear! She can smell it.

Meredith: Oh God. _I am so screwed._


	48. Chapter 48

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith: Der- get up. What time do you have to be at the hospital?

Derek: Good morning to you too!

Meredith: Good morning.

Derek: I have surgery at 8. You have the day off, right?

Meredith: Yeah. I need to get the house cleaned up. I have some packing to do.

Derek: Packing?

Meredith: Some of John's things and pictures of us. I'm sure you and your Mom don't want to see pictures of us around the house. It's time.

Derek: About that.

Meredith: What?

Derek: I guess my mom can be slightly judgmental.

Meredith: So I've heard.

Derek: From who?

Meredith: Addison.

Derek: My mom loves Addison.

Meredith: Yeah...OK. So what's up?

Derek: I don't think we should mention John. She will already have you under the microscope.

Meredith: Oh, so I should just re-write my life. I should just be exactly what she wants. FINE! I can do that! (She gets up, and runs into the bathroom shutting the door.)

Derek: Mer! I'm sorry! (Runs to the door.)

Meredith: Please, just leave. I can't deal with this right now.

Derek: I'm sorry. My mom, she can be a pain in the neck. I just want her to love you as much as I do.

Meredith: You mean the me that she wants me to be.

Derek: That's not what I meant! Be yourself, If she doesn't like you, too damn bad. Please open the door. (The door clicks. He opens it and walks over an kisses her.) I love you. You know that, right.

Meredith: Of course.

Meredith spent the day cleaning up the house and getting ready for Lynn. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to make it work. She packed away all of the pictures of she and John. She left his room and office, she couldn't bear to pack that up yet. She shut the doors, hopefully Lynn wouldn't be nosy. She was determined to be optimistic about it. Lynn was arriving tonight. Meredith knew she couldn't cook a meal, so she planned on ordering out. Maybe she could fool Lynn into thinking she was an excellent cook. She decided to call Derek.

Derek: Hey you.

Meredith: Are you busy?

Derek: I'm never too busy for you.

Meredith: Everything is ready. We won't tell her about John. We won't tell her about the trailer. As far as she knows we live in the house together. It can be yours. Whatever. I just want this to work. I need this to work. I need us to work.

Derek: Mer. You don't have to-

Meredith: It's done. Don't worry about it. I'm doing it for you. That's what a relationship is all about, right?

Derek: Mer-

Meredith: It's my other line, I'll see you tonight. Dinner will be ready when you get here. (She flips her phone shut.)

Derek: Mer- Hello. Hello? _Shit, shit, shit. I should have just told Mom not to come. Meredith is going to resent me. Shit. She already has an attitude about this. Lying was a bad idea. I hope this ends well. Crap._

Addison: Everything OK?

Derek: Not really. Mom is coming tonight.

Addison: Promise you won't throw Meredith to the wolves.

Derek: Addie- She's not _that_ bad!

Addison: Derek, yes she is. Don't screw this up. You need to decide how important Meredith is to you.

Derek: She is _the_ most important thing to me.

Addison: Prove it. (She walks away.)

Meredith got a call from the law office where John was a partner. They needed her to clean out his office. This was something she had been avoiding for a while. It was ending. At least with all of his things around, she didn't feel like he was missing. She had convinced herself that he was on a very long vacation. She made her way to the office. She begrudgingly pushed the elevator button, hoping that she never made it up there. When the doors opened, several people looked at her. She hated the empathy. It made her feel vulnerable. It made her feel like she was naked in the spotlight.

Chris: Meredith. I'm so sorry. I don't want to rush you. We just-

Meredith: You just need to moved someone else in. The world doesn't stop because he's dead, right? Do you have any boxes? (She definitely exuded anger and sadness.)

Chris: Of course. I will have Debbie bring them in.

Meredith unlocked the door and shut it behind her. The room was quiet, stale. She wanted to run the other way and not have to face this mess. Tears began running down her cheeks. Debbie brought the boxes in and didn't say a word. Meredith started grabbing books and placing them in the boxes. _What the hell do you do with this stuff? He's dead, he doesn't need it. I'm not going to law school anytime soon. What is wrong with me. I need to calm down. Why the hell am I so angry?_ She grabbed the various photos of them. She remembered the happy times. The times when it was just them. John made her feel safe. Derek makes her feel safe too. She loves him, but the stress of his mother was too much to take right now. She looked at her watch and couldn't believe that she had been there three hours. She had to hurry. She had to grab dinner for the three of them. The three. The dread. _Shit! She is going to hate me! _Meredith makes her way to Chris' office. He is sitting there with Noah, the guy who hit on her at the law firm party.

Meredith: I'm done. I will load up the boxes. I don't know if I will be able to get them all in one trip.

Chris: Noah can follow you in his car. You have a truck, right Noah? (Meredith groaned, she was not going to put up with his crap.)

Meredith: Sounds good. (Turns to walk away.) The desk.

Chris: What?

Meredith: The desk. I need to get that too.

Chris: I thought the desk stayed.

Meredith: The desk does not stay. I bought that for John when he graduated law school. I will send some movers for it next week.

Chris: Oh, OK. Meredith once again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Meredith: Yeah, I know. Everyone is. (She smiled politely and walked away.) My address is 3535 Berkshire Ln. I have to stop and grab dinner. It will be about an hour before I get there.

Noah: I will wait a while before I leave.

Meredith loaded the last box in her Jeep and headed to the little Italian restaurant that she loved so much. She ran into the restaurant, seeing Tony, her favorite waiter.

Tony: Ah, Mrs. Thompson, it's been while! Are you here alone, or will Mr. Thompson be joining you?

Meredith: I, um. John died. There was an accident. He's gone. (She was on the brink of crying.)

Tony: Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

Meredith: Thank you. OK, then. I need spaghetti, enough for three. Some bread, salad. I can't cook you know.

Tony: Coming right up. Only the best for you!

Meredith grabbed the food and made her way home. She ran in the house, and put everything in dishes. She ran out to the garage and started pulling boxed out of her Jeep. She stacked everything in the corner. She felt guilty about it, but she was thinking she could donate the books to the local university or something. _What is wrong with you? That was his livelihood. How can you just give it away? I need to move on, I have to!_ She heard the doorbell ring and ran to get it.

Noah: Beautiful house.

Meredith: Thanks. It was John's I would have never wanted a house like this.

Noah: So how are you?

Meredith: I'm fine. (Her response was cold and distant.)

Noah: I'm sorry about that night at the party. I was an asshole.

Meredith: Yes, you were.

Noah: You certainly don't pull any punches.

Meredith: I loved him you know.

Noah: I'm sorry. I should have never said anything about your relationship. It was none of my business. (They start unloading boxes. Just then Derek pulls up.)

Meredith: Shit!

Noah: What?

Meredith: Nothing. (She sees that he is alone in the car. She feels relieved. Maybe Lynn isn't coming.)

Derek: Hello, honey. (He kisses her. He is wondering who this man is. He wants him to know that she is his.)

Meredith: How was your day? Where's your mom?

Derek: My surgery ran late. She is coming in a cab.

Meredith: Oh. (She was definitely disappointed.) Oh shoot, Derek this is Noah. He works at the law office. I had to get his things today. Noah, this is Derek, my um, boyfriend.

Noah: (Extends his hand.) Nice to meet you.

Derek: You too. I'm going to go take a shower.

Meredith: OK. (He walks away. Noah walks to his truck, they are done with the unloading.)

Noah: So you don't waste anytime.

Meredith: What?

Noah: I mean, John's been dead for how long?

Meredith: It's none of your damn business! Who the hell do you think you are?

Noah: John's friend.

Meredith: More like employee. (It was low, she knew it right when she said it.) An employee who tries to feel up his so called friend's wife. Get the hell out of here. (He gets in his truck and drives away. Asshole!

Meredith made the table and got the house ready. She was nervous. She never remembered being this nervous. It was like her life depended on it. She loved Derek. She wanted to live happily ever after with him. What if his mom hated her? Every man cared about what his mom thought. Derek came jogging down the stairs.

Derek: Is she here yet?

Meredith: Nope. Wait. I think she is.

Derek: I'll get the door.

Meredith: (Takes in a deep breath.) Here goes nothing!

Derek: It will be fine.

Meredith watched as a beautiful dark haired woman climbed out of the cab. Derek walked out and helped her get her bags. Meredith watched her and she headed towards the door. She exuded power. She was bossy, and used to being in charge. Meredith could tell just by looking at her. Meredith felt the knot in her stomach twist tighter and tighter.

Derek: Mom, I'd like you to meet Meredith. (Meredith stuck her hand out for her to shake it, she does.)

Meredith: It's nice to meet you.

Lynn: You too. (She smiled a smile that was meant to be nasty but appeared civil.)

Meredith: We are having spaghetti for dinner. I hope you like it.

Lynn: It depends on how it is made. (Meredith ignored her and walked over toward the kitchen.) Derek, she's a little plain.

Derek: Mother!

Lynn: What? I expected something more. She just has that 'plain jane' look to her. Your house is beautiful, though.

Derek: Be nice. I'm glad you are here.

Meredith: Dinner is ready! (Lynn and Derek walk over to the table.)

Derek: It looks great!

Lynn: Looks. (Meredith felt like she had been slapped. The woman hadn't even been in the house 10 minutes and she was already insulting her.)

Meredith: Would you like some wine?

Lynn: Yes, I would. (Meredith runs down to the cellar. She dials her phone on the way.)

Cristina: Hello.

Meredith: I'm in hell. She is a bitch.

Cristina: Do McDreamy's mom?

Meredith: Is McBitchy.

Cristina: Don't put up with it. You are not a damn doormat!

Meredith: I gotta go. Just wanted you to know that I am suffering.

Cristina: Bye. (Meredith goes back upstairs with a bottle of red wine.)

Lynn: Oh-

Meredith: Is there a problem?

Lynn: I like white wine.

Meredith: I thought red would be good with pasta.

Lynn: Oh, I guess so...

Meredith: White is is! (Derek gives her an apologetic look. Meredith runs downstairs and grabs another bottle. She also drinks a shot of tequila, she was going to need it.)

Lynn: That's better.

Meredith: How is the spaghetti?

Lynn: It's OK, a little tomato-y.

Meredith: That's what it's made out of!

Lynn: I know that, dear. (She glares.) So do you live here with my son, in sin?

Meredith: (Almost chokes.) You could say that.

Lynn: Well, isn't that nice. So you are an intern. My son is your boss?

Meredith: Yes.

Lynn: Isn't that against the rules?

Derek: Mom! It's fine. It's OK. The chief knows. I love living with Meredith. We are happy. (Meredith is drinking wine like water.)

Lynn: That's good dear.

Meredith: So what did you do for a living?

Lynn: I raised my children.

Meredith: Oh, that's nice.

Lynn: You don't think that's a real job do you?

Meredith: I do.

Lynn: No you don't. You don't know what it is like raising children. (Meredith felt sick. She would have known. Derek looked at Meredith and mouthed 'I'm sorry.')

Derek: Mom, it's getting late. Let me show you to your room.

Lynn: Meredith and I were talking.

Derek: Meredith has to work early in the morning. I am off tomorrow.

Lynn: Oh. I was hoping to spend the day with her. (She gives Meredith a bitter smile.)

Meredith: I'm sure we'll get to spend time together.

Derek: Come on, mom. (Derek heads upstairs with her bags.)

Lynn: Goodnight, Meredith.

Meredith: Good night, Mrs. Shepherd.

Meredith snuck down and grabbed a bottle of tequila. She started cleaning up the kitchen. She was shaking she was so upset. How could that woman be so nasty? This was going to be horrible. Meredith slammed another two shots of tequila, then she filled the dishwasher. She heard Derek coming down. She slammed another shot. She wanted to climb underneath the sink and disappear.

Derek: Mer, I'm sorry.

Meredith: It's not your fault.

Derek: What's this? (Grabs the tequila.) You don't need this.

Meredith: Yeah, I do. (She grabs is away from him.)

Derek: She will warm up to you.

Meredith: No, she won't. I'm going to bed. I have work in the morning.

Derek: Well, goodnight. (He kisses her.)

He wanted to go up with her, but he could tell she wasn't in the mood to talk. She walked upstairs. She was glad he didn't come. She was afraid that Addison was right. He wasn't going to stand up for her. His mother was going to make her life hell. Maybe she should just give up. Derek waited an hour before going to bed. He could hear her snoring as he made his way up the stairs. She always snored louder when she had been drinking. He looked in on his mom, who was sleeping peacefully. It was the only time she was peaceful. He laid down in the bed and wrapped his arms around Meredith. How was he going to make this work?

-----------------

I almost didn't write tonight. I am in a funk about the promo for Grey's next week. I made the mistake of reading the message boards and Shonda's Blog, and I totally regret it! I know she won't die, but if she does, I am going to be crushed. This better not drive a wedge between Mer/Der. I am too emotionally involved in this show!


	49. Chapter 49

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith awoke quietly so as not to wake the beast. Derek stirred and Meredith hit the floor. She wasn't in the mood to talk about Lynn. She hated her, nothing was going to change that. She didn't even take a shower. She would take one at the hospital. She walked by the guest room and looked in. How could someone so little be so evil. She had to pull herself away from trying to smother her. Meredith made it out of the house alive. She had never been so happy to see the hospital in her life.

Cristina: Have fun last night?

Meredith: you mean with 'Lucifer Lynn'?

Izzie: Lucifer Lynn?

Meredith: Yeah, that's my new name for her. I can't go back there.

Izzie: Mer, this is a big step. He wants you to get to know his mom!

Meredith: I know her, and I don't like her! Thank God Derek is off today. You know, he crumbles in front of her.

Alex: (Laughs.) I would pay to see that!

Meredith: You would? You can, for free, just come over, please!

Cristina: You just want him to take the brunt. It's a ploy, Evil Spawn.

Alex: I have things to do tonight anyway.

Izzie: Oh yeah, like what?

Alex: Things, God!

Meredith: You are acting strangely.

Alex: Whatever.

Cristina: Are you screwing around?

Izzie: Cristina!

Christina: What? Weren't you wondering that yesterday? (Alex gives Izzie a wide eyed look.)

Izzie: I was not!

Meredith: Cristina is losing her mind!

Bailey: Rounds, now!

The day went quickly. Derek called twice. Meredith ignored his calls. She didn't want to talk about it. Besides she was busy. She scrubbed in with Sloan on a case where the woman had burned a large percent of her face. She was happy to be in the Operating Room.

Mark: So how is Lynn?

Meredith: You mean Lucifer?

Mark: Lynn is great.

Meredith: Or not.

Mark: Is she giving you the 'girlfriend treatment'?

Meredith: So you have observed this treatment in the past?

Mark: I have.

Meredith: She said I was plain.

Mark: You, plain? Well maybe a little. (He laughed.)

Meredith: If you weren't in surgery, I would hit you.

Mark: I'm sure you would.

Meredith: So tell me, why is Derek such a wimp?

Mark: Derek, a wimp? Ok, maybe a little. Only around his mother. She has always had that hold on him. He is like her little soldier.

Meredith: He is pathetic. I don't want to go home to her. She said we were living in sin.

Mark: Now that is funny. She doesn't even care about that. You know Derek's sisters all live in different states, some in sin! It's so they don't have to see her. Derek has always been her favorite.

Meredith: How funny! He's a momma's boy.

Mark: Yes, he is. You will defeat her. I think we are done here. Thank you, Dr. Thompson.

Meredith: I never get to do plastics, it was nice for a change.

Mark: Good.

Meredith was starving after the procedure. She was happy to see her friends all sitting at the round table, laughing and joking. She wished she could. People usually didn't affect her like this. She had Lois, Lois was wonderful. Lynn was hell. Meredith was slightly worried about a future with Derek. Lynn was the type of person who would move to town just to torment her. She sat down heavily in the chair next to Alex, not saying a word.

Cristina: Still mad about McMomma?

Meredith: Yeah. I'm going to have to go home eventually. Am I really plain?

Cristina: A little. In a good way.

Alex: You are smoking hot.

Meredith: Now you are patronizing me. I just need someone to tell me it will be OK.

George: It will be OK.

Meredith: Thanks, George. Maybe I should end it. I should end it, right? If his mom can't like me, he never really will. All he will ever think about is how his mom disapproves.

Cristina: Seriously?

Alex: Quit freaking out.

Izzie: She is obviously a complete idiot if she doesn't like you.

Cristina: Crap.

Meredith: (Looks concerned.) What?

Cristina: What does McDreamy's mom look like?

Meredith: Your height, dark brown hair, petite, dressed well, sickeningly perfect. Why?

Cristina: Turn around? (She does.)

Meredith: Shit! (Derek walks up and kisses her. Lynn is with him.)

Derek: Hello. I've tried calling all day.

Meredith: Oh really? I didn't get the calls.

Lynn: She is avoiding me.

Derek: No she wasn't. I was going to let you know that mom and I were going to take you to lunch. We stopped and got sandwiches, figured we'd eat them here. I got you roast beef. (Hands her the bag.)

Meredith: Yum, Thanks! (Derek sits down next to Meredith, and starts talking to Alex.)

Lynn: Meredith, move over. I want to sit next to my son. (She does. Everyone gives Meredith a sympathetic look.) So, Meredith, what exactly do you do around here? Just eat lunch and avoid your boyfriend?

Meredith: I am an intern, a very busy intern. This is the first break I have had in hours.

Lynn: Are all of you interns?

All: Yes.

Lynn: That's nice. My son is good to you, right?

All: Of course.

Lynn: You seem like such nice people. Tell me about yourself. (They talk to her. She is attentive and polite to them. A total turn around from what she is like with Meredith. Meredith is praying she will get paged.) So Meredith, are you coming home tonight?

Meredith: Of course.

Lynn: Good, I'd love to taste what you make for dinner tonight. Maybe I can help. You definitely need it!

Derek: I will cook, Meredith will be tired when she gets off.

Lynn: She needs to learn to manage her time. If you're foolish enough to marry her, she better learn do her part.

Meredith: Excuse me? (She starts to feel sick. She runs over to the nearest garbage can and vomits.)

Lynn: Derek, you didn't get her pregnant, did you? For God's sake, that I could not handle.

Cristina: What the hell is your problem? Meredith is a great person. She is _my_ person. No one talks to my person like that! Do you hear me? (Cristina gets paged, and gets up to walk away.) We're not over. McBitch.

Lynn: What did she call me?

Alex: Dude, she called you McBitch. (Everyone gets up leaving Derek and Lynn dumbfounded. Meredith walks into the hospital, she can't face her.)

Izzie: (To Meredith.) Wow, you weren't kidding.

Meredith: She's going to eat me alive. Hey George.

George: Yeah?

Meredith: Are you on-call tonight?

George: Yeah, why.

Meredith: Please give me your shift. Please. (She was begging.) Please.

George: I don't know. It will be obvious.

Meredith: Go home sick. Page me. I will pay you.

George: Bailey will kill me.

Meredith: Fine.

Meredith spent the rest of the day dreading going home. It was like she was off to prison. She was tortured in her own house. She wondered what she had gotten herself into. Soon enough it was time to go home. She got in her car, praying that she would get paged back. When she walked in the house, she held her breath.

Derek: Welcome home. (Kisses her.)

Lynn: Yes, welcome to my son's home.

Meredith: _It's my home! MINE!_ It's good to be home. When will dinner be ready?

Derek: About an hour.

Meredith: I have some research to do. Call me when it's ready. (She went to the library.)

Lynn: So, research. That's an original excuse

Meredith: (Looking over her book.) It's not an excuse.

Lynn: You know, I was thinking. Makeup. That's what's missing. You are only plain because you need some color.

Meredith: I'll keep that in mind.

Lynn: He's not serious about you. Has he asked you to marry him?

Meredith: No. (Meredith's pager goes off.)

Lynn: Good.

Meredith: I have to go! (She gets up and runs off.)

Derek: What's going on?

Meredith: I have to go, the hospital paged.

Derek: (With a saddened look.) Oh, I understand.

Meredith: Bye! (She didn't even kiss him.)

Meredith had never been so happy to be on-call in her life. She drove to the hospital with a smile on her face. There wasn't much going on. She checked on some patients, and finally went to bed. She was so happy to be in silence. She woke up bright and cheery in the morning. She met the other interns in the locker room.

Meredith: Thank you George!

George: No problem.

Meredith: Here. (She hands him and envelope.)

George: (Opens it.) You don't have to pay me! I'm your friend.

Meredith: It was so worth it. I won't take no for an answer!

Izzie: Geez, how much is in there?

George: A thousand bucks! Mer!

Meredith: Nope, you keep it. I got a quiet, peaceful nights sleep.

Meredith kept herself busy all day. She talked to Derek in the afternoon. He wen on about how much he missed her. She talked to him, but she was mad. He wasn't standing up for her. John always stood up for her. Derek knew she was mad, but he figured she would get over it. She called him at 7pm and told him she was on-call again. It was a lie, but she couldn't go back there. He was disappointed, but he understood. Meredith Walked over to Joe's. She needed Tequila. She was feeling guilty about not going home.

Joe: What will it be?

Meredith: Tequila, of course. Line 'em up, nice and straight. (She threw the shots back and flipped the glasses.)

Joe: That bad?

Meredith: Oh, yeah! McDreamy's mom is satan.

Joe: That sucks.

Meredith: Yes, it does! (Meredith was getting pretty drunk. She hadn't eaten anything since lunch.) OK, I'm leaving.

Joe: I'll call a cab.

Meredith: That won't be necessary. I'm at the hospital tonight.

Joe: Cutting people open?

Meredith: No! Hiding out.

Joe: Oh...

Meredith made her way back to the hospital. She nonchalantly opened an on-call room, only to see Alex with a nurse. Alex had a look of shock on his face. Meredith gasped. She quickly snuck into another on-call room. She didn't know how she was going to tell Izzie. She was so happy to lay her head on the pillow. She never even realized that Derek had called five times. Meredith was awoke by the flash of a light and a loud voice.

Bailey: What the hell are you doing here?

Meredith: Ah, turn off the light!

Bailey: No, get your ass out of here. You aren't on-call! People need these beds. People are really working here. You can't live here!

Meredith: Just one night.

Bailey: NO! Are you drunk?

Meredith: A little.

Bailey: I'm calling you a cab. Get your ass downstairs! You're off tomorrow.

Meredith: What! NO!

Bailey: Yes!

Meredith went downstairs and got in the cab. Tomorrow was Derek's birthday. She was hoping that she could work. She wanted to be there, just not with Lynn. She gave the cab driver directions to the trailer. She was not going home. The trailer never looked so inviting. She never even took off her shoes, she walked up to the bed and collapsed. Between the alcohol, and the mental stress, she was exhausted. She never even saw the headlights coming up the driveway.

Derek: You have got to be kidding me!

Meredith: (She moaned.) Shh, I'm trying to sleep here.

Derek: I called the hospital. You weren't on call. Are you drunk?

Meredith: Yes. Now turn off the light.

Derek: Why are you here?

Meredith: Because your mother is the queen of all bitches!

Derek: She is not!

Meredith: Whatever, please let me sleep.

Derek: I want to talk about this.

Meredith: Seriously? You have to go all vagina on me?

Derek: We have a problem here.

Meredith: No shit! You can't even stand up for me Derek. She is your freaking mother. I would never do this to you. The things she has said. I can't do this. I'm done. I will not commit to _that_ for the rest of my life! I can't. Life is too goddamn short to waste my time. So either grow some balls, or we are done!

Derek: Meredith-

Meredith: No, Derek. Balls, Derek, balls. I could swear the last time I checked, they were there. Maybe I was wrong.

Derek: Mer- I will fix this. I'm sorry. Mer? Mer?

She passed out. He laid down next to her with a sigh. He could smell the mixture of tequila and lavender. He had to fix it. He couldn't lose her. He was finally going to have to take his mother down. Meredith met too much to lose her.


	50. Chapter 50

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith woke up with a pounding headache. She looked over at Derek who was still sleeping. She wanted to shove him off the bed onto the floor. She was mad about Lynn. She really didn't think he was going to stand up for her. Why would he? She sat up and the room began spinning. Why the hell did she go to Joe's? She slowly threw her legs over the bed and walked to the bathroom, clinging to the wall. She made her way to her destination, taking a seat on the floor. Why did she not eat dinner? She began vomiting into the toilet. This was going to be a wonderful day. It was Derek's birthday. Now she had to go home and be verbally bashed, and keep a smile on her face. At least Lynn was going home tomorrow. What about next time? There would be a next time. Lynn would return on her broom and set the town on fire. Meredith heard Derek get up. She wasn't going to acknowledge him.

Derek: Morning. Don't you look beautiful, hugging the porcelain god?

Meredith: Go to hell.

Derek: Grouchy! I need to pee.

Meredith: Well, I am using this toilet. Take your ass outside and use a tree. You are a man, at least you were, until your mom came to town. (She slams the tiny bathroom door shut.)

Derek: (Walks away.) You know, you could be nice to me! Today is my birthday.

Meredith: (Less than happily.) Well, happy freaking birthday. (She hears the door shut. She begins retching once again. Derek comes back in.)

Derek: You should really give up tequila. (He smiles.)

Meredith: I like tequila.

Derek: Every time you drink it, you suffer the next day.

Meredith: I like to suffer!

Derek: If that were true, you would be at home right now.

Meredith: Screw you!

Derek: Please?

Meredith: Shut up!

Derek: You are so cute when you are mad.

Meredith: Why do you have to be so goddamn nice?

Derek: You know you love me. Here. It's Phenegrin. I think you need it.

Meredith: Thanks.

Derek: You want breakfast?

Meredith: Do I look like I want breakfast? I need you to take me to get my car.

Derek: OK. We'll go after I'm done eating. I have to get back to 'your house'. I told Mom I had to go to the hospital.

Meredith: It's your house too. What did she plan? For your birthday.

Derek: She is making dinner. She is making a cake. It's pathetic, I know. She makes fried chicken. Every year, my whole life, it's the same thing.

Meredith: I have the day off. After I get my car, I'll come home. I'm doing it for you.

Derek: I appreciate it.

Meredith: I hope so.

Meredith's nausea was going away. They drove to the hospital in complete silence. Derek's birthday wasn't even special anymore. She didn't even care if he like his present, she didn't care if he had a good time. She resented him right now. She knew things would go back to normal as soon as Lynn left. Meredith drove home in silence. When she pulled into the garage, she sat in the car for a few minutes. Derek was already there. She had to go in. Maybe she should leave the car run. Then she wouldn't have to worry about ever seeing Lynn again. She wasn't that unhappy. She could do this. Meredith was in shock when she walked in. Lynn had moved some of the furniture around.

Lynn: Hello, Meredith. I'm so glad you don't have to work today!

Meredith: Me too. I see you moved the furniture.

Lynn: Yes- I didn't like it the way it was.

Meredith: Oh. Well, I have to go take a shower. I wanted to get home, so I didn't take one at the hospital. (Derek passes Meredith on the stairs, she doesn't say a word.)

Lynn: That girl is a tart. So miserable.

Derek: She is not miserable!

Lynn: You know she is having an affair on you, right. I have proof.

Derek: Meredith is NOT having and affair. I don't care if you have video of her with another man. She is not having an affair. Not Meredith.

Lynn: She is all wrong for you Derek.

Derek: Damn-it mom! (His pager goes off.) Shit! It's the hospital.

Lynn: Derek- language!

Derek: I will be back. (He leaves. Meredith comes down.)

Meredith: Where is Derek going?

Lynn: He got paged.

Meredith: Great.

Lynn: Derek is good to you. I see everything you have. Are you in it for the money?

Meredith: No, I am not! Besides, how the hell do you know that I don't have money.

Lynn: It's pretty obvious. Look at how you present yourself.

Meredith: Oh, so I don't appear rich, therefore I am not?

Lynn: You lack refinement. My son deserves the best. Addison would have been great with him.

Meredith: Addison? Addison is nothing like Derek. Not to mention she is happy with Mark!

Lynn: You just aren't what I had always imagined.

Meredith: Well, I am obviously what Derek imagined!

Lynn: Well...What about children? Are you planning on having children?

Meredith: I don't know.

Lynn: Well, if you do marry my son, I want grandchildren.

Meredith: I don't know if I want children.

Lynn: What kind of person doesn't want children? Are you infertile?

Meredith: I don't think that is any of your business! I do not want to talk about that. (Her cellphone rang. It was Cristina. She kept her on the phone for an hour. Lynn kept checking in, and Meredith would glare at her. Finally Meredith made her way to the kitchen where is was making Derek's cake.)

Lynn: Have you ever thought about breast augmentation?

Meredith: What?!

Lynn: Derek had always liked larger breasts. If you want to keep him, you should probably do something about that!

Meredith: Oh really? Well I do not think Derek has a problem with my breasts. In fact he really likes them. Putting his hands on them. His mouth. Oh, and you should hear him screaming my name. The things that man does to me. Wow. I have to say, he's good. We are good. He can't get enough of me. Last night was, wow. Where do you think he disappeared to last night? The man can't keep his hands off me.

Lynn: (Huffs.) Well. You really do lack class!

Meredith: Sex in the car. Sex in the shower. Sex at work. Sex on this countertop.

Lynn: You are disgusting! Why are you telling me this?

Meredith: Sex on the couch. Shit, I even think we did in in your bed, last week. Nope it was right after I changed the sheets for you.

Lynn: You are a bitch.

Meredith: As are you. He is MINE. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I WILL spend the rest of my life with him. So get over it. You may not have to like me, but you damn well will respect me. I am not going anywhere. (She walks upstairs. Derek gets back home.)

Derek: Where's Mer?

Lynn: She is upstairs. You are not staying with her. She is a bitch. I will not have my son with a no good, cheating whore!

Derek: That is the last straw! (He storms upstairs, into the guest room. He begins packing his mother's things.)

Lynn: Wha- What are you doing?

Derek: You are leaving. (He begins walking downstairs with her bags. Lynn follows him and Meredith is behind her.)

Lynn: What are you talking about?

Derek: You are not staying here! I love her. I love Meredith.

Lynn: How can you love someone who is cheating on you?

Derek: Meredith is not cheating on me! (He calls a cab.) Meredith is the love of my life! This is her goddamn house. I live in a fucking trailer.

Lynn: Oh my God! Are you gambling? Is it drugs?

Derek: I bought land. I live in an Air-stream trailer. Meredith is not cheating on me. I assume you saw the pictures of she and John. Her husband. He was killed about two months ago. She was good enough to go along with the lie I made up. She wanted me to be happy. She packed all of his stuff away for me. She has sacrificed everything for me. I love her. If I have to choose between you and her. I choose her. I will not stand here and let you treat her like shit! I want you out. I made reservations at the hotel for the night. You will not be staying here!

Lynn: Well, finally!

Meredith and Derek: What?!

Lynn: Son, you have brought girls home year after year. Each time I treated them terribly. You let me. The things I have said. My god. I am lucky one of them didn't kill me. Your father never stood up for me. His mother treated me horribly. I suffered through our whole marriage. I know she was your grandmother, but I could not wait for that miserable bitch to die. Your father was a coward of a man. I will be damned if my son will be.

Derek: What are you saying?

Lynn: I want you to be happy. You never stood up for any of the other girls. I knew they didn't mean anything. Meredith, you love her. You stood up for her. Meredith, honey, I didn't mean the things I said. I like you. You are just like me. The real me. I got so caught up with who Derek's father wanted me to be, that I lost myself along the way. I was the model wife, and mother. You are a spitfire. You are strong. Do not change for anyone.

Meredith: This was a test?

Lynn: Yes.

Meredith: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Derek: Mom! This is unbelievable. Even for you!

Lynn: I had to know that you would be happy.

Derek: I can make that decision for myself. I don't need you to do it for me!

Lynn: You are my son. I love you.

Derek: You need to leave.

Lynn: What?

Derek: Even if you didn't mean it, you hurt us. I will not stand for it. I can't deal with you right now. It's my birthday. I want to spend it with Meredith. I need you to leave.

Lynn: Derek! I'm sorry.

Derek: I am NOT the one you should be apologizing to!

Lynn: Meredith. I am so sorry. I thought I was doing a good thing! I would be honored to have you as a daughter-in-law. You have a good heart, and you love my son. That is all that matters.

Derek: Mom, your cab is here.

Lynn: Happy Birthday, son. (She kisses him.)

Derek: Thank you, mom.

Lynn: Thank you Meredith. (She hugs her.) I have never seen my son so happy. He lights up when you walk in a room. Thank you. (She grabs her bags and walks out.)

Meredith: I love you Derek. Thank you. It means a lot to me.

Derek: I love you. I am not going to lose you. You mean too much.

Meredith spent a lot of time thinking and decided that she would give Lynn a second chance. She loved Derek and she didn't want there to be a strain between the three of them. She convinced Derek that they could all have a nice dinner at the hotel. She wanted everything to be peaceful. They got ready and drove to the hotel.

Lynn: Meredith, you look beautiful. Happy Birthday, Derek.

Meredith: Thank you. (They all sit down.)

Lynn: Well, so much for tradition.

Meredith: Sometimes traditions are made to be changed.

Lynn: Well, I hope that you are one that will be around for a long time. So how long were you married?

Meredith: 9 years. He was my childhood sweetheart.

Lynn: That is nice.

Meredith: It was sad, but that was the way it was meant to be.

Lynn: I'm so sorry for your loss.

Meredith: Now I have Derek. He means the world to me.

Derek: Do I really?

Meredith: Yes, you do!

Lynn: You are so happy together.

Derek: Yes, we are. I knew she was the one for me, the minute I saw her. I had never felt that way before.

Meredith: I need to go to the ladies room.

Lynn: I'm so happy for you, son.

Derek: She's the one. The one I am going to spend the rest of my life with.


	51. Chapter 51

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

On the way back, Meredith stopped at the kitchen with the cake Lynn made. She made arrangements for it to be served after dinner. She was still confused about Lynn. She couldn't understand why she would put her through that. It was cruel. She wanted to break her neck. She wanted to scream at her and toss her out in the rain on her ass. She knew she had to let go. It was her new thing. She couldn't hold grudges anymore. When she made her way back to the table, they both smiled at her.

Meredith: You haven't decided what you are having already, have you?

Derek: The waiter just took our drink order. I ordered wine for you. I hope that's OK.

Meredith: Sure is.

Lynn: Have you ever eaten here before?

Meredith: No. I hear the steaks are wonderful.

Lynn: I think I am going to have the lemon pepper chicken. I am trying to cut down on the red meat.

The waiter walked up and took their orders. They also ordered appetizers. Derek seemed elated to have his mother, and the love of his live at the same table, not killing each other. Lynn was being very pleasant, and sociable, which made Meredith feel a lot more comfortable and at ease.

Lynn: So, when are you going to get married? (Meredith choked on her appetizer.)

Derek: Uh, we haven't really talked about that.

Lynn: I want tons of beautiful grandchildren from you two!

Meredith: We, uh, I, well, we haven't even considered that step.

Lynn: No pressure. I just haven't had a new grandchild in a while. You two will make beautiful children! Why, Meredith with your lovely face. Like I said, no pressure. (She chuckles. Meredith and Derek look at each other. Meredith sighs heavily.)

Meredith: How many grandchildren do you have?

Lynn: Nine.

Meredith: Wow, that's a big family! I am not used to that.

Lynn: We haven't really talked much, tell me about yourself,

Meredith: I am an only child. My mother is a surgeon. I haven't seen my father in a very long time. My mother divorced him when I was young. She was very busy and career driven. I grew up at my husband's- well, John's house. His mother, Lois practically raised me.

Lynn: You were very lucky to have someone. Doctors, as you know, can be very busy.

Meredith: My mother and I are trying to repair our broken relationship. We have had a lot of issues.

Lynn: Well, I hope it works out. Everyone needs a mother. I could be your mother. If you ever need me, l am here.

Meredith: (She was feeling strange. It was hard to let down the wall, she had treated her so badly.) I appreciate that.

Derek: Ah, here comes our food.

They all made small talk while eating their meals. Everyone was happy with their food. Lynn was shocked when Meredith finished her entire meal. Derek laughed. Lynn said she was happy that Derek finally met a girl who could eat something more than a handful of salad. After their plates were picked up, the waiter brought the cake. Lynn's eyes lit up when she saw it. Derek was somewhat embarrassed, as everyone in the restaurant was watching. Lynn and Meredith sang happy birthday.

Meredith: Luckily they didn't put a candle on for every year. We wouldn't want to burn the hotel down!

Derek: Cute, very cute.

Lynn: You are getting rather old! (They all laughed.) Meredith, thank you for bringing the cake. That was very thoughtful of you! (They all began eating the cake.)

Meredith: This is fabulous! Wow. My friend, Izzie bakes. She would love to have this recipe.

Lynn: I will write it down for her if you'd like. I could make a copy for you, too. (Derek busted out laughing.) What?

Derek: Oh, nothing.

Meredith: I can't cook. I can't bake. It's terrible. I have no skills.

Lynn: I doubt that.

Derek: Mom, it's true. I mean very true. She can't cook. Don't encourage her! (He receives a sharp smack on the arm from both of them.)

Meredith: Derek! (Lynn pulls out a few packages.)

Lynn: Time for your gifts! (She hands him the packages.)

Derek opens the first gift which is a tie. It was a nice tie. Everyone _loves_ getting ties. The second gift was a whole stack full of gift cards for just about every restaurant in Seattle. The last gift was a stethoscope. A very old Stethoscope.

Lynn: That was my great grandfather's. He was a doctor, you know.

Derek: Wow. This is...

Meredith: Amazing.

Lynn: Now that I know Meredith can't cook, I guess the gift cards will come in handy. (She smirked at Meredith.)

Meredith: Here. (She hands him a large wrapped box and and a card.)

Derek: You didn't have to get me anything.

Meredith: Seriously?! (Derek opens the box.)

Derek: Oh my god. I have never seen so many scrub caps in my life! (The box had tons of scrub caps with various ferry boat designs on them. There were a couple with fishing designs. He laughed when he pulled out the special one.)

Lynn: Dr. McDreamy? What's that mean?

Meredith: (Laughing.) That is what my friends and I called Derek before we knew him. It's a pet name. One that he's not that fond of!

Derek: Wow, Mer, this was perfect.

Meredith: Open the card. (Derek did. He read it and a lone tear dropped from his eye after reading it.)

Derek: What's this? (He pulls out a paper that is inside the card.)

Meredith: I rented you a cabin, for a week. It is supposed to be the best fishing spot in North America. You have to call a week in advance. I didn't know when you could get off, so I left the reservation open. It has to be used within a year.

Derek: It's perfect!

Lynn: You know my son too well!

Derek: She's perfect, isn't she?

Lynn: From what I've seen, darn close. (Meredith blushed. Derek yawns)

Derek: I'm getting tired. It's been a long day.

Lynn: Me too. I think I'm ready to go to my room.

Meredith: You can come back with us if you'd like.

Lynn: No. I'm sure you'd like to use your countertop, shower, bar, and was it my bed? (Meredith turned bright red.)

Derek: (Smiling.) What's she talking about?

Lynn: Inside joke, dear.

They all said their goodbyes. Lynn was leaving from the hotel early in the morning. Meredith felt pretty good about the dinner. She ended up liking Lynn. Lynn had guts, she wasn't afraid to say what she thought. Meredith was like that once, before she was broken. She wanted to be that way again. Derek and Meredith were riding home in the car.

Meredith: So about this grandchild thing...(Derek's mind raced. He wanted children. After losing her baby, he didn't think Meredith wanted to. He didn't want her to feel pressured.)

Derek: Don't worry about it. She already has enough. She won't be too upset when we don't have any. (Meredith's face dropped. She never thought she would want any children after losing Bella. She loved Derek so much. She wanted to have his children, and now, it seemed like he didn't even want to have children. She wanted to cry.)

Derek: So what's this inside joke?

Meredith: Oh my God. (She pushed the baby conversation out of her head.)

Derek: What?

Meredith: She pissed me off. I told her some explicit information.

Derek: Like what?

Meredith: Oh only that you rocked my world in the bedroom. Oh and that we have had sex in the shower, the car, at work, and on the countertop.

Derek: You didn't!

Meredith: Oh yes, I did. But I lied. We haven't had sex on the counter yet. (She gives him the look.)

Derek: Well, we'll have to test that out tonight. Along with some other places.

Meredith: This is going to be a birthday you will never forget!

Meredith and Derek tested out several surfaces in the house. They were up all night long. Derek had never been so in love with anyone in his life. It consumed him. He couldn't think about anything but Meredith. He used to laugh at his friends who said they were in love. He had thought love passed him by. He would date woman, but none of them were interesting. They all seemed to act the way they thought he wanted them to act. Meredith was different. She had a strong personality. She wasn't the type to change for someone. You either liked her or not. He did. He really did. They both had the day off of work. Meredith was shocked when she woke up to her cell phone ringing.

Meredith: (Sleepily.) Hello?

Cristina: Were you sleeping?

Meredith: Yes.

Cristina: It's two in the afternoon!

Meredith: Holy shit! I haven't slept this late since high school!

Cristina: Were you and McDreamy up all night?

Meredith: I think we just went to bed.

Cristina: Call me later, when you are actually in human form.

Meredith: See ya!

Derek: Who was that?

Meredith: My person. How are you feeling?

Derek: Tired.

Meredith: I am sore. Last night I bended in ways I have never bended before.

Derek: Would you like to bend some more?

Meredith: You bet! (He rolls over on top of her.)

Cristina and Izzie have been spying on Alex all day. George had taken Meredith's place for the day. He was her stand in spy. Everywhere Alex went, one of the interns were close behind. George caught him flirting in the stairwell. He saw Alex lean in towards an x-ray technician. Then Alex mentioned that she smelled just like his girlfriend, who he loved so much. George gagged and walked away sulking. He wasn't hoping to tell Izzie that Alex was cheating , but he didn't want him to play her either. Cristina caught Alex talking to a nurse. He was being way too friendly. Just as he was getting closer to stepping over the line, her pager went off. She was going to catch him. She was determined. Izzie snuck into his she didn't find anything. She was secretly relieved. She was sure something was going on, she just didn't know what. They were all talking about what they had discovered, when Alex walked up.

Cristina: So, Mer was still asleep.

Izzie: Seriously?

Alex: Late night?

Cristina: I guess so. Those to are intense. They have absolutely no problem with their sex life. They are horny as hell all of the time. It's crazy.

George: I do not what to hear this. (Puts his hands over his ears.)

Alex: Aren't you going out with Torres?

George: Yeah.

Izzie: George will never be over Meredith.

Alex: Dude, you are pathetic.

Cristina: No, you are pathetic!

Alex: What's that supposed to mean?

Cristina: I think you know! I know, Alex. I know!

Izzie: What are you talking about?

Alex: She told you! Damn-it. I should have known. Who else did she tell?

Izzie: What are you talking about?

Cristina: She will find out. You might as well come clean!

Izzie: (Getting worried.) What- What's going on?

Cristina: Tell her!

Alex: I'm so sorry Iz. I never meant to hurt you. It was one time. A nurse. She didn't mean anything. It was after a 30 hour shift. (Izzie is in shock.)

Cristina: You cheated on her? With a nurse!!

Alex: What do you mean? You didn't know? You tricked me. I thought Thompson told you.

Izzie: Meredith knew? You have got to be kidding me! Some friend. You are a piece of shit, Alex Karev! (She storms away.)

George: Man, you are low. (He walks away.)

Alex: What the hell.

Cristina: You are pretty damn stupid. So when did this happen?

Alex: Two nights ago.

Cristina: That bitch, she didn't tell me. I'm gonna kick her ass. She is in deep shit with Izzie! Man, you screwed up. (He runs off to talk to Izzie. Cristina dials Meredith's number.)

Meredith: Damn-it. It's Cristina. (She says out of breath. They are in a compromising position.)

Derek: Don't answer it.

Meredith: What if it's important?

Derek: More important than what were doing?

Meredith: You have a point. (She sends her to voicemail.)


	52. Chapter 52

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith: (Rolls over breathless.) I think we just keep getting better and better.

Derek: I think you are right. Wanna do it again?

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Seriously.

Meredith: Um. Seriously, no.

Derek: What.

Meredith: I am tired. I am exhausted, actually. Not to mention there are things to do. And I am hungry.

Derek: Hmm.

Meredith: Don't you ever get tired?

Derek: With you, no. Come on. (Meredith throws on a t-shirt and sleep pants.) Where are you going?

Meredith: Downstairs. (She leaves him in bed and goes downstairs. She checks her voicemail.) :

Cristina: What the hell? I just talked to you. Anyway, bitch, I can't believe you didn't tell me! I thought I was your person, and that was good dirt. Oh yeah, Alex and Izzie are pissed at you. Have fun with that. _What is she talking about?_

Izzie: Thanks a lot, friend! I can't believe you didn't tell me. I would have told you. _Tell her what?_

George: You need to call Izzie. She is not OK.

Ellis: Hey Meredith, it's your mother. Call me when you get a chance. _What's going on?_

She decides to call Cristina. She has no idea what is going on. She starts thinking back and she doesn't remember anything happening that would make Izzie mad at her. Finally Cristina answered her phone.

Cristina: Yeah?

Meredith: What the hell is going on?

Cristina: You didn't tell me. I can't believe it.

Meredith: Tell you what?

Cristina: About you finding Alex in the on-call room with the nurse.

Meredith: What? (Suddenly the memory comes back.) Oh shit!

Cristina: Why didn't you say anything? We were spying, remember.

Meredith: I was drunk, plowed even. I completely forgot. I wasn't even sure that I really saw that.

Cristina: See what tequila does to you?

Meredith: More like McDreamy's mom.

Cristina: What happened with that?

Meredith: It was all a test. Can you believe it? The woman is seriously twisted. She wanted to make Derek stand up for his woman or some shit. We're fine now. I like her.

Cristina: So your dreamy world is dreamy again, how nice. So the birthday was good?

Meredith: Yes. Apparently Derek thinks it's still going on. He won't stop. I am exhausted. I can barely walk. The sex has to end. I can't do it again!

Cristina: Yeah, I don't want to hear that.

Meredith: Thanks, Person. Maybe I need to talk about it.

Cristina: Seriously, sex talk is too much. Besides I like the drama. Your life is a mess. It's entertaining.

Meredith: Geez. It's nice to know that I am your personal soap opera. I better call Izzie. I have no idea what to say.

Cristina: Well, just be supportive.

Meredith: You and I, we don't do supportive.

Cristina: You're right. Just fake it.

Meredith: OK. See you tomorrow.

Cristina: Yep. (Meredith hung up and dialed Izzie's number.)

Izzie: What do you want?!

Meredith: Iz- I'm so sorry.

Izzie: Why didn't you tell me?

Meredith: It was when Lynn came to town. I went to Joe's and got plowed. I went back to the hospital and that's when I saw them. I was so drunk I didn't even remember. I would have told you, Iz. I am so sorry. You shouldn't have found out that way. Why don't you come over after your shift?

Izzie: Damn-it Mer! Why did this happen?

Meredith: I don't know, Iz. I don't know. Men are jerks. So will you come over?

Izzie: Well, I wanted to go to Joe's but you proved that isn't always a good idea. Sure, I'll be over.

Meredith: Sounds good. See you later. (Derek walks up and starts kissing Meredith's neck.)

Derek: Who was that? (Keeps kissing her, she shoves him away.)

Meredith: Enough love! It was Izzie. Alex is an ass. He slept with a nurse.

Derek: Oh God. Poor Izzie. Anyway, I want love. We are good. We need to practice to stay good!

Meredith: Damn-it Derek! I am tired. I can barely walk. (Starts yelling.) Enough sex!

Derek: I am going to take a shower... Do you want to join me? (He smiles. She throws a pillow at him.) So that's a no?

Meredith: Yes! No. Yes that is a no! (Derek trots upstairs. Meredith dials Ellis' number. The curiosity is killing her. Ellis picks up on the fourth ring.)

Ellis: Grey.

Meredith: Mother?

Ellis: Ah Meredith, dear. How are you? (She answers cheerfully.)

Meredith: I'm good. Are you OK? (She is suspicious.)

Ellis: I am great. Why do you ask?

Meredith: It's just. Well, you sound happy.

Ellis: I am happy. So happy.

Meredith: That's good. What's going on?

Ellis: I am sure you've heard about Adele and Richard.

Meredith: No.

Ellis: Oh. They got a divorce. Oh, Meredith! I know it's supposed to be sad, but I love him. I love Richard. I can't be sad.

Meredith: Is he OK?

Ellis: It was mutual. They hadn't had a marriage in a long time. I called because I wanted to talk to you about something.

Meredith: OK.

Ellis: How would you feel about me moving to Seattle? Richard has offered me a position. I am going to semi-retire. I won't come if it will cause problems.

Meredith: You are free to move wherever you want.

Ellis: I know that, but I don't want to step on your toes. I want this to work out with us. I want to try. If I come there, I don't want to push you away instead of bring you closer.

Meredith: Come to Seattle. Everyone deserves to be happy. You have to make yourself happy. If Richard is what you want, be happy with him.

Ellis: Meredith, thank you. Thank you for a second chance. Oh, I'm being paged. I have to go. Talk to you later.

Meredith: Bye. (Derek walks downstairs.)

Derek: Who was that?

Meredith: My mom.

Derek: You're calling her mom now?

Meredith: Quite frankly, she just freaked me out. But things are changing. I need to try. She is moving here to be with Dr. Webber, she is in love with him. He is the reason she left my father. She is going to be working at Seattle Grace. (She is in shock.)

Derek: Are you OK with that?

Meredith: It looks like I have to be.

Derek went to the hospital to check on patients. As much as he tried to deny it, he couldn't stand to be away. Meredith felt the same way. She loved being there. She loved to cut. She sat there for a long time. She couldn't believe that her mother was going to be in the same city, working in the same building. She was worried. After what her mother did to her, she was hard to trust. If she did go back to her old ways, Meredith would be devastated. Meredith hoped she was ready for her. She had grown a lot emotionally in the past year. She went upstairs and took a shower. After the shower she put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. As she was putting on her socks the phone rang. It was John's law partners. They were letting her know that Ray's trial would be starting soon. They told her that the would only bring her in of they needed to. She knew if she was there, that would positively affect the jury. She couldn't handle it. It would be too much. As soon as she got off the phone she ran to the bathroom and vomited. She wanted tequila. She wanted it really bad. She told herself no. She wasn't going to fall into that trap. She sat in the chair staring at the wall for a long time, she was frozen. She felt nothing. No sadness, no pain, nothing. The doorbell rang and she jumped up, startled.

Meredith: Iz.

Izzie: Mer- I can't believe it. How could he?

Meredith: Men are pigs. You never know what they are going to do.

Izzie: I feel like such a fool. I am so stupid.

Meredith: You are not stupid! It's not your fault. He has lost a lot, losing you. You are a great person. _Maybe I can pull off this supportive crap!_ Are you hungry?

Izzie: A little.

Meredith: I'm starved. I haven't eaten since yesterday. Lets order some pizza. (Meredith gingerly walked over to the phone.)

Izzie: Are you OK, you are walking a little funny. Did you hurt yourself?

Meredith: Derek broke me. He wouldn't stop. I like sex. Hell, I love it. But my God it never ends.

Izzie: (Starts crying.) Alex, he-he was great. The sex. Oh my God. How could he do this?

Meredith and Izzie sat and talked for a long time. Izzie was feeling much better. Meredith was shocked at how much better she mad her feel. They both ate the pizza. Meredith convinced Izzie that they shouldn't drink. Any other time she would, but she has woken up with horrible hangovers too much lately. Meredith and Izzie watched a movie. Meredith made sure it wasn't sad. She hated sad movies, and Izzie did not need sad at this point. Meredith filled Izzie in about her mom. The movie was just ending when Derek came in.

Derek: Are you rested up yet? (He yelled.)

Meredith: Is that all you think about?

Derek: Yeah, that and brains.

Meredith: Well, luckily I have both.

Derek: Yes, luckily. (He kissed her.) Oh, hi Izzie.

Izzie: Hi Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: It's Derek. Call me Derek. I see you've eaten without me.

Meredith: Yes, we did.

Izzie: Well, Mer. I think I'm going to get going.

Meredith: You don't have to!

Izzie: No, I'm tired. I'm OK. Thank you. I feel a lot better now. (She hugs her.) See you guys later.

Meredith: Bye, Izzie. (She leaves.) So how was the hospital?

Derek: It was good. Still standing.

Meredith: They survived without you?

Derek: Barely. Let's watch some t.v.

Meredith: Really?

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: Thank God.

Derek: OK, I'll admit it. I'm tired too.

Meredith: I'll make some popcorn.

Derek: Didn't you just eat pizza?

Meredith: Yeah. I'm still hungry.

Derek: You are always hungry.

Meredith: What's that supposed to mean?

Derek: Nothing. It's why I love you. You are you. You are perfect. You're my Mer.

They both sat on the couch, Meredith snuggled into Derek's side. He looked down at her. They were so happy. He hoped it would go on forever. He couldn't think that way. It would go on forever. He couldn't lose her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

-------------------

OK. Two days until Grey's! I am anticipating it, but I'm worried. I mean who gets worried over a TV show? I do! I cannot take the stress. So let's all hope it goes the way it's supposed to!


	53. Chapter 53

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

It's been a month. Meredith has been distant lately. Derek isn't sure what to do. He is getting worried. Izzie is still not talking to Alex. He has tried to say he was sorry, but she won't even acknowledge his existence. George is happy with Dr. Torres and they have moved in together, he was sharing an apartment with Izzie. Meredith is working with Dr. Burke today, and Izzie is with Dr. Shepherd.

Burke: We have an aortic repair today. I need you to get the patient prepped. We will be in OR two.

Meredith: OK.

Meredith started prepping the patient. She was young, about the same age as Meredith. It bothered her. She had been so luckily health wise and she never really thought about it. You never know what you have until it's gone. She met Dr. Burke in the scrub room.

Burke: So, you and Shepherd. How are you doing?

Meredith: Good.

Burke: That's good. Cristina and I, well, you know Cristina.

Meredith: Give her time. She'll come around.

Burke: I hope so. She doesn't share anything personal with me.

Meredith: Don't feel bad, she doesn't with me either. I am supposed to be her person, I know nothing.

Burke: That's Cristina for you. (They walk into the OR.)

Meanwhile in the operating room with Derek and Izzie:

Derek: So, you and Karev still on the outs? (She shot him a look.) I take that as a no.

Izzie: I'm moving on. Mer seems to be doing good. She is happy, happier than I have ever seen her.

Derek: _Not as happy as you think, not lately._ She makes me happy. Unbelievably happy.

Izzie: That's great. When you find that, you can't let it go.

Derek: I think you are right. Has she talked to you? About the trial.

Izzie: The trial? What trial.

Derek: I take it that's a no. Ray is on trial for John's murder. She hasn't said anything about it. She is putting up walls. She went to court on her day off. I tried to talk about it, but she just shut me out.

Izzie: It's hard for her. You just have to give her space.

Derek: Last time she had space, she started to self-destruct.

Izzie: She isn't the talking-about-her-feelings type of person. You will never change that.

Derek: I think I'm learning that. You know she means a lot to me. What do you think about- Oh never mind.

Izzie: What?

Derek: It's too soon. Nothing.

Izzie: Oh my God!

Derek: What?

Izzie: You want to ask her, don't you. You want to ask her to marry you. (He doesn't look at her, and he doesn't answer.)

Both surgeries went smoothly. Meredith and Izzie were eating lunch in the basement. Izzie didn't want to run into Evil Spawn. The hide out there often. Cristina came walking down the hall, looking like her usual pleasant self.

Meredith: Don't you look happy.

Cristina: Yeah, the pit will do that to you. Oh, McDreamy is looking for you.

Meredith: Oh, God he probably wants to talk.

Izzie: You should. Talk. It would be good. He wants to listen.

Meredith: Were you talking to him about me? (Getting frustrated.)

Izzie: Uh, no. _Give him a break! He want's to marry you!_

Meredith: OK, this conversation is over. (Derek comes walking down the hall.) Oh shit.

Derek: Are you hiding from me?

Meredith: Yeah.

Derek: I like honesty. Now why are you hiding from me?

Meredith: Because you seem to have a vagina now, all you want to do is talk. I like the sex fiend Derek much better, he was quiet and fun.

Derek: There is more to a relationship than sex.

Cristina: Seriously? You are a man, right? (He shoots her a look.) Never mind.

Derek: We are all here, your supportive friends. Talk. What's going on with the trial?

Meredith: I don't want to talk about that. (She is getting angry.)

Derek: Well, the Emerson's called and left a message. You need to figure out what you are doing with Lois' house in Boston. They can't take care of it forever. It can't just sit. You have to do something. Things don't go away if you ignore them.

Meredith: Why can't you just shut the hell up and leave me alone? (She knew he was right, but she didn't want to deal with it.) You are everywhere. I can't stand it! I turn around, and there you are. Just let me be. Leave me the hell alone! (She yelled, and ran away.)

Derek: Meredith! Mer, wait. (He shakes his head.)

Cristina: Yeah, I'd say she's not OK about this.

Izzie: Ya think?

Derek heads off to find her. She ducked in a supply closet. She saw his pass by. She wasn't in the mood to talk to him. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. She was angry, and upset, and sad. She couldn't share her feeling. She just didn't know how. She wanted to sulk, she wanted to be left alone. She knew Derek cared for her. She wasn't a fool. John, he was busy with school, then work. He left her alone. That is what she was accustomed to. Derek was always around. They worked in the same place, and now her mother was coming. What the hell was she going to do about that. Even Ellis was happy. Why did every one have to be so damn happy? She called and got a plane ticket to Boston. She would go. Make him happy. At least there, she could finally get some peace and quiet. She talked to Richard, he agreed to let her take 3 days off. She avoided Derek at all costs. She hoped he would have an emergency surgery, then she wouldn't have to talk to him before she left. When she got home, the house was empty. She made her way upstairs and quickly packed her bags. Her flight was leaving tonight. She took a quick shower, and called a cab. She left Derek a short note on the counter:

_Derek-_

_I went to Boston._

_As you say, "I need to do something"._

_I'll be back in a few days._

_-Meredith_

Derek didn't really want to go home. He didn't want to deal with her. He felt terrible admitting it. She would get in moods, and she was difficult. He just needed to support her. Even if she didn't want him around, and he didn't want to be around, he still needed to be there. He pulled into the garage seeing her car. When he got in the house, he noticed a note. He was shocked. She didn't even call him before she left. She didn't sign the note 'love'. She just walked away. He knew that the "I need to do something" in quotes was a dig at him. He wished he could have fixed it. He wished she hadn't left mad at him. He dialed her number and it went straight to voicemail. He left her a message, telling her he loved her and he was sorry. He went upstairs, took a shower, and laid down in bed. He laid there for awhile. He grabbed her pillow. It smelled like her, he missed her, and she was only gone a few hours. But, really she had been gone for the last few weeks.

Meredith took the rental car to Lois' house. It was dark. It wasn't like it once was. It had an entirely different feel to it. No love, no hope. No person waiting in the chair for her to get home after a late night. The smell of cookies was lost. The smell of dark, stagnant air had taken over. She turned on several lights and looked around at everything she had lost. Now she had to deal with it. It was a mess. Why did it have to fall on her? She felt selfish, she should be happy. She has Derek. It was overwhelming. She had no idea what to do with everything. She couldn't deal with it tonight. She went into John's old bedroom and laid down, falling asleep within minutes.

Meredith woke up to the sun shining on her face. That was something she didn't often see in Seattle. She turned her phone on and saw that she had messages. They were from Derek. She listened. She felt so bad. She didn't know why she had pushed him away. She loved him. She was once again trying to sabotage herself. She decided she would call him later, it was much earlier in Seattle. Meredith spent the next day packing. She cried a lot. Looking at all of their things, remembering all of the memories. There was so much there. She loved Derek. She had to let go for him. She would never be able to have a life with him, when she was still stuck in the one that included John and Lois. A few neighbors came over and helped her pack. She couldn't believe how fast it was going. She made arrangements for everything to go into storage. The movers came in and loaded all of the furniture. She didn't have a ton of time to spend deciding what she wanted to keep, or take home. She would make another trip out. She just needed to get the house empty. After a while she went outside to gather the things in the yard. One of Lois' oldest neighbors walked over. She explained what was going on. With a twist of fate, they said that their child was looking for a house to rent. They were reliable, and would take care of the place. It made her happy. She wouldn't have to sell. She wasn't ready to sell.

The next day she looked around at the empty house. She smiled. Derek was right, she needed to do something. She needed to meet it head on. She felt at ease. She was ready to go home. She changed her flight, it cost a lot more, but she was going to be in Seattle by tonight. She was going to be back where she belonged, in Derek's arms. The flight went quickly, without delays. She tried to call Derek when she touched down. He didn't answer. She had forgotten to call him back. She hoped he wasn't mad. That wasn't possible, Derek didn't get mad, and he wasn't vindictive.

Meredith had the cab take her to the hospital. He didn't answer the home phone and she was sure that he was at the hospital. She made her way upstairs. She asked them to page him, they said he wasn't there. She dropped her head. She had to find him. She missed him. She had to tell him how sorry she was, and that she loved him. She began to walk to the elevator.

Cristina: Some friend you are! You didn't even tell me you were leaving!

Meredith: Derek was right. I needed to face it. Speaking of Derek, have you seen him?

Cristina: He left about an hour ago. I'm heading over to Joe's. Wanna join me?

Meredith: No, I think I need to find Derek.

Cristina: I'm sure he's there. Come on!

Meredith: OK. Maybe you are right. But if he isn't there, I'm leaving. I need to find him. I was so cold to him. I need to tell him that I love him.

Cristina: Oh gag me!

Meredith: Oh, shut up.

Meredith fills Cristina in on everything that had happened in Boston. Meredith was happy she couldn't wait to move on with her life. Ray's trial was still looming in her head, but taking care of Lois' house was like a huge boulder was lifted off of her shoulders. Meredith noticed Derek's car in the hospital parking lot. She was sure he was at Joe's. Her pace quickened. She needed to be near him. Cristina and Meredith were both talking and laughing when they walked into Joe's. Meredith scanned the room. She couldn't believe what she saw. She gasped.


	54. Chapter 54

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith felt like the rug she was standing on was ripped out from under her. What she saw crushed her. Derek was at a pool table with a leggy blonde. The blond was taking her shot and Derek was pressed up against her, helping her. Time slowed down. Everything around her stopped. There are times in your life when you either fight or run. Fight or flight. You either pull out the big guns or you run and hide. Meredith flashed back to the night when she caught John. That was bad. It was horrible, but it was nothing like this. John was her friend, a brother and lastly a lover. She loved him, but she never gave him her whole heart. She had given Derek her whole heart, and now he was smashing it. She didn't fight for John and she didn't run. She just stayed. She looked at Derek and made her decision. She was running. She was running, and she wasn't going to stop.

Cristina: What the hell?

Meredith: Let's go. (She walks out.)

Cristina: That's it? You are just going to let McDreamy get away with that shit?

Meredith: I can't. I can't do it.

Cristina: I'm going back in! I'm going to kill him.

Meredith: No. Let's go.

She runs across the street to the hospital parking lot. She isn't sad. She is pissed. She is angry. She loved him. She loved him more than she had loved anyone. He knew what John cheating on her had done to her. She was damaged. She caught him. He didn't know that she was going to be home, she caught him in the act. When someone has intentions of doing something, and they are caught before the act is done; is it any better than if they didn't want to, or have the intentions to do it, and they do the act? John had planned on sleeping with that woman. He didn't actually do it, but he would have if Meredith hadn't come home. Even if had she known the whole truth when it happened, she have never forgiven him. It was one in the same. She was done. She was never giving her heart to anyone again.

Cristina: Holy shit, Mer. I can't believe you just did that!

She was is such a rage. She looked up at Cristina. She looked down at the knife. She had sliced all of Derek's tires. She wanted to got home and throw his things out the windows and burn his clothes. She wanted to be vindictive. She wanted to make him pay. She didn't, however, want to see him, or confront him. She wasn't the type to do this. She didn't do these things. She had never felt so much rage or hostility in her life.

Meredith: I did. He's lucky it wasn't his eyes.

Cristina: Where the hell have you been this whole time? I like this side of you. (She gets a look from Meredith.) OK, I'm sorry. Let's kill that McBastard.

Meredith: Thank you. I need a ride. I need you to take me to the hotel. I can't go home. I am going to run to the locker room and get my luggage.

Cristina: (In shock.) OK. (Meredith came walking quickly to the car with her bags.)

Meredith: Let's go.

Cristina doesn't know what to say. They ride silently to the hotel. Meredith called the hotel and booked a room. She was scared. She was never scared. She felt like she was alone again. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted Derek, but he obviously didn't want her. The pulled up the hotel.

Meredith: Just drop me at the door.

Cristina: No. I'll come in with you.

Meredith: What are you doing?

Cristina: Being a friend or whatever.

Meredith: We don't do supportive, remember.

Cristina: Well, I should try. Right?

Meredith: Oh no, you aren't practicing on me! I am too broken. You will make me worse. Leave. You have work tomorrow, right?

Cristina: Yeah. (Meredith walks away.) Hey, Mer? Are you sure you're OK?

Meredith: No, I'm not OK. I'm sure that I'm not. I won't be OK. But I just have to deal with it, on my own.

Cristina: OK.

Cristina drives off and Meredith makes her way into the hotel. She has no idea what to do. Well she knows what she's going to do. She is going to get drunk. She is going to mask her pain. She is going swimming in her favorite lake. Lake tequila. She went to the desk and picked up her key card. She went up to her room. It was a very nice room, she didn't plan on seeing it. She was going to drink herself into a nice, long coma. She threw her bags down on the floor and hustled down to the bar.

Earlier in the day:

Doctor: Derek, Derek Shepherd?

Derek: Craig Phelps?

Craig: How the hell have you been?

Derek: Great. Super. What brings you here?

Craig: I work here. Oncology. I started last week.

Derek: Wow. It's a small world, isn't it?

Craig: Yeah it is. How long have you been here?

Derek: A few years. Head of Neurology. Can you believe it?

Craig: Yeah, actually I can! You married?

Derek: Not yet. Close.

Craig: Close?

Derek: I've met the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I just haven't gotten up the nerve to ask her. She's an intern here, actually. What about you?

Craig: That's great. I can't wait to meet her. I'm married. Five years. Kelly is great. Hey, I was thinking about checking out the bar across the street later. Have you ever been?

Derek: Joe's? Oh yeah, a lot.

Craig: You want to meet Dr. Burke, my wife and I later?

Derek: Oh, I don't know...

Craig: Come on...

Derek: OK, maybe one drink.

Craig: 7 o'clock?

Derek: Sounds good. (Derek heads down to get some lunch.)

Mark: What's going on?

Derek: Craig Phelps is working here.

Mark: Really? How funny is that.

Derek: Meredith hasn't called me back. I was pretty hard on her.

Mark: She just needs time. She will get over it!

Derek: I think I'm going to ask her.

Mark: Ask her what- Oh my God. Are you sure you want to do that? (Addison walks up.)

Addison: Do what?

Mark: Lover-boy here wants to ask Meredith to marry him.

Addison: You should.

Derek: Yeah?

Addison: Yeah. She'll say yes. She is so in love with you.

Derek: (Gives Mark a look.) See?

Mark: I'm telling you. Her husband just kicked the bucket.

Derek: I'm going to ask her. I have the conference in New York next week. I'm going to get the ring. You only live once, right?

Craig was a resident in New York when Derek was an intern. They had ended up being good friends. It just so happened that he was friends with Preston Burke, also. They all met up at Joe's they were laughing and having a good time. Craig introduced them all to his wife, Kelly. She is a tall leggy blonde with a bubbly personality. The complete opposite of Meredith. Derek like Meredith just the way her was. He couldn't stand to be with someone like Kelly. Derek talked about Meredith non-stop. Everyone could see that he was head over heels about her. Derek had a beer and told everyone he had to go. They convinced him to stay for a game of pool.

Craig: Derek is a great pool player.

Kelly: Really? I am horrible.

Derek: I doubt that.

Craig: No, she really is. Hey maybe you could give her some pointers? At least she wouldn't lose as miserably.

Kelly: (Smack him.) Hey! I'm not that bad. OK, I am.

Craig: Honey, yes you are! So what do you say?

Derek: One game, then I have to go.

Craig: Back to your girl?

Derek: She's in Boston, but I wanna get home and call her.

Craig: You can do that here, you know.

Preston: Not the kind of calls they make.

Craig: Oh... (Opens his eyes wide.)

Craig and Kelly started playing pool. He was right, she was horrible. Derek finally took pity on her. He walked up behind her and helped her make the shot. Little did he know, the love of his life was at the door, getting the wrong idea. After they finished with the game, Derek rushed out. He couldn't wait to get home to call Meredith. He walked across the road. He was astonished when he saw his car. One tire he could understand, but all four? He pissed someone off. He called for a cab and headed home. He would have to deal with this tomorrow.

Meanwhile back at the hotel bar:

Bartender: What can I get you?

Meredith: Tequila, straight up.

Bartender: Tequila, huh. You're going to hate yourself in the morning.

Meredith: I always do.

Bartender: I'm Keith.

Meredith: Nice to meet you. I'm Meredith. I never want to see an empty shot glass in front of me, OK?

Keith: No problem. (Meredith is downing shot after shot.) So what brings you here?

Meredith: My boyfriend is an ass.

Keith: I see that a lot.

Meredith: Are you married?

Keith: Nope.

Meredith: Girlfriend?

Keith: Nope.

Meredith: That's the way to go. Meaningless sex. No nagging, no relationship.

Keith: He really burned you, huh?

Meredith: The funny thing is, (Slamming another shot.) I thought he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I cheated on my husband with him. I cheated. Can you believe it?

Keith: Oh.

Meredith: You never keep the guy you cheat with. Common sense, if they cheat on someone, they'll do it to you too. I mean what kind of guy sleeps with a girl in her husband's house?

Keith: I don't know...

Meredith: The kind I love. Damn him. Damn him for making me love him. The irony is, my husband cheated on me before our wedding. I still married the asshole. I mean do I have a freaking sign on my back that says 'Please cheat on me!'? Seriously! Not to mention my mother treated me like shit my whole life. My husband and my mother-in-law died within a week of each other. My mother now wants to have some kind of freaking happy-joy relationship.

Keith: You have problems.

Meredith: I am dark and twisty. I am doomed to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Hey, didn't I tell you I didn't want to see an empty shot glass. (He pours.)

Keith: Sorry, I was listening. So what else?

Meredith: The guy that killed my husband is on trial, and I can't go because I can't deal.

Keith: Your husband was killed?

Meredith: Yeah. By the man that harassed me when I was younger.

Keith: You are lucky you haven't lost it.

Meredith: Who says I haven't?

Meredith doesn't notice there is a man that has been watching her all night long. He is sitting at a table sipping martinis, waiting for the opportune time.

Man: _This one is going to be easier than I thought. One more shot and she'll fall into the bed._

Keith: Boy, you've drank your way through this bottle. I think you outta stop.

Meredith: I know when I need to stop! Two more shots, and I promise I'll leave. Now what the hell have you put in this stuff? (She is very drunk.)

Keith: Excuse me?

Meredith: I don't talk. Especially about my feelings. I have told you my life story.

Keith: Maybe I'm just a good listener.

Meredith: Maybe you are. (She downs her last shot, throws down her tab with a hefty tip.) Thanks. Oh and stay single!

Keith: You'll be OK, Meredith. It will work out.

Meredith is having a hard time walking to the elevator. She's been drunk before, but tonight she is almost incapacitated. She gets in the elevator and stares at the buttons which are all doubles. She closes one eye. _Damn-it. Why did I do this to myself? Fucking Derek. Bastard._ She pushes the button for her floor. The doors open. She doesn't even realize she's being followed.

Mugger: Give me your purse!

Meredith: NO!

Mugger: Listen, bitch. Give me your purse and no one gets hurt.

Meredith: Fuck you! (She hits him with the purse almost knocking herself down.)

Man: Son-of-a-bitch. (He punches her in the stomach. She doubles over.)

Man (From bar.): Hey! Hey, what are you doing? (The mugger runs away, leaving her purse.)

Man: (To Meredith.) Are you OK?

Meredith: Yeah. You saved me.

Man: Yeah, I guess I did. (He looks at her. He was going to sleep with her. She was his mark. He looked into her eyes. He had never seen anything like it. She was so sad, so broken. Not even he could take advantage of her.)

Meredith: You want to come to my room?

Man: I would love to. But I think you'd regret it in the morning.

Meredith: Yeah, you're probably right. Thank you again.

Man: Goodnight.

Meredith walked into her room and collapsed on the bed. Tomorrow she was going to run. She had all the money in the world. Forget internship. She could lay on a beach for the rest of her life, sipping drinks. Yep, that was the plan. Forget her dream of saving lives. Tomorrow she was heading south. Leaving it all behind. She sighed and then she was out. She was in a better place. A place where everything was black and quiet. She was happy in her hung over state. After a few hours she started dreaming. The dream was vivid, and angry. John was telling her that he never loved her. She had caught her and Derek in her room. They were having sex and he just walked right in. He threw Derek out of the house and came back up to her room, she was crying, clinging to the sheets. He yelled at her and called her a whore. She got up to run away and he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. They started yelling back and forth. He punched her in the stomach. It hurt. It hurt bad. She jerks awake. He stomach is killing her. She rubs it and gets a shooting pain. It is almost unbearable. She dials Cristina's number.

Cristina: (Angrily.) If you are calling to cry over McDreamy, I don't want to hear it. I have to get up in a few hours.

Meredith: Oh my God. It hurts. (Her voice is weak and her breathing is labored.)

Cristina: I know, I know. (Sarcastically.) You're heartbroken.

Meredith: Cristina. (She cries out in pain.) It hurts.

Cristina: (Panicking.) Mer. MER? What's going on? Mer? (No answer.)

-------------

I'm so sorry to leave you hanging yesterday. I only have time to write one chapter a day. Happy Grey's day! If you hear screaming when the show is over, that's me. It's because it didn't go the way I wanted! Hoping for the best!


	55. Chapter 55

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Cristina: Oh my God!

Burke: (Rolls over and looks at her.) What's wrong?

Cristina: (Jumps out of bed and begins getting dressed.) Something is wrong with Meredith.

Burke: What?

Cristina: (Yelling.) I don't know, OK!

Burke: Calm down. What did she say?

Cristina: She said "It hurts."

Burke: Where is Shepherd?

Cristina: How the hell should I know? He's an ass.

Burke: Why do you say that? Did they have a fight?

Cristina: I have to go. I'm taking your car.

Burke: OK.

Cristina ran to Burke's car. She was worried. She didn't get worried. What the hell was wrong with her? Cristina dialed Meredith's cell phone number. It rang then went to voicemail. She weaved in and out of traffic. The traffic was fairly light, it was 3am. She pulled up to the front door of the hotel and ran up to the desk.

Cristina: I need to know what room number my friend is in.

Man: Why don't you get that from your friend? We are not permitted to release that information.

Cristina: Look, I think my friend is in trouble. Meredith, Meredith Thompson. She called me. I think she passed out. She was in pain.

Man: Oh yeah, she was at the bar earlier. She must have had too much to drink.

Cristina: NO! Something is wrong. I need you to tell me that number before I climb over this desk and strangle you.

Man: Do I need to call security?

Cristina: What can I do? How can I convince you?

Man: (He could tell she was genuinely worried.) I will call her room. (He dials the number.) There's no answer. Maybe she is out of her room.

Cristina: Please. Yes- I said it, please check on her.

Man: I'm sorry, I can't.

Cristina: I can.

Man: I can't give out her room information.

Cristina: Can we at least go up to the room. (Cristina is very worried. She is desperate.)

Man: (Stands there debating what to do.) OK. We will go up and knock on the door.

The elevator seemed to be creeping slower than ever. Cristina watched as each floor lit up. She was relieved when the doors opened at the sixth floor. The man walked slowly to the room. Cristina wanted to shove him along. You could just tell he was that type of person, easy come, easy go. They reached her room and he knocked on the door. There was no answer.

Man: Sorry. (Shrugs his shoulders.)

He starts walking away, and Cristina sees something in his hand. It's something she needs. Cristina follows him to the elevator. He was holding the key card in his hand. Cristina garbs the card right before the elevator doors close. She runs towards the room. She quickly slides the card and opens the door. The room is dark. She sees Meredith laying on the bed. She runs over to her.

Cristina: Mer! Meredith.

She gets no response. She checks her pulse, it is weak. She smells of alcohol. The desk man comes barging in.

Man: What the hell do you think you are doing?

Cristina: Call 911!

Man: (Panics.) Uh, OK. Is she OK?

Cristina: Her pulse is weak and she is unresponsive. (She continues to try and wake her.) Meredith!

Meredith: (She slowly comes to and grabs her stomach.) Ahh, it hurts. (She passes out again.)

The paramedics arrived quickly. Cristina got into the ambulance with her. Her blood pressure was very low. Cristina looked at her abdomen, which was distended. The ride to Seattle Grace felt like an eternity. Cristina had never been worried like this. Meredith is her person. She didn't want anything to happen to her person. The doors open and Dr. Bailey is standing there.

Bailey: I just got here and already they're coming in! (Looks up.) Yang! What-

Cristina: It's Meredith. She called me. She has severe pain in her abdomen. She is distended. Her BP is low, pulse is weak. She is going in and out of consciousness.

Bailey: Karev! I need you to get a complete blood work up, and a CT of her abdomen. Oh, Lord! She smells like she crawled out of a liquor bottle. Hook her up to fluids. That's probably half of her problem. Damn fool is drunk.

Alex: Right away.

Cristina: Is she going to be OK?

Bailey: I'm sure she'll be fine.

Cristina: What do you think it is?

Bailey: Do I look like a CT machine? For all I know, it is gas.

Cristina: She is in a lot of pain.

Bailey: You have rounds in a hour. I don't want to see you hanging around Thompson.

Cristina: But.

Bailey: Oh, no. No but. Go!

Cristina ran away making her way the locker room. She quickly changed into her scrubs and then made her way to CT. She wanted to make sure her friend was going to be OK. She walked into the room with Alex.

Cristina: They up yet?

Alex: No. What the hell happened?

Cristina: I don't know. She called me. I went to the hotel. I had to take, uh, never mind.

Alex: Why was she at a hotel?

Cristina: Uh, she and McDreamy had a fight. Shut up about it, OK?

Alex: Oh, crap! (The scan pops up.)

Cristina: Shit!

Cristina: I'll grab her out. You go get Bailey.

Cristina goes into the room and gets Meredith wheeling her into the hall. Meredith opens her eyes.

Meredith: It hurts.

Cristina: I know.

Meredith: Derek...

Cristina: I'll call him.

Meredith: No. Don't tell him. I can't...

Cristina: Meredith! Meredith!

Bailey: Damn fool has a blood alcohol of .12! She has to sober up before we can get her into surgery.

Cristina: She is bleeding into her abdominal cavity!

Bailey: You think I don't know that? She needs to be transfused. Karev, go get blood. How the hell did she rupture her spleen?

Cristina: I don't know. She woke up. She doesn't want Dr. Shepherd to know anything about her case.

Bailey: Why is that? Last week they were fools in love.

Cristina: There was an incident.

Bailey: OK. I don't think he's going to be too happy about this. Our priority is the patient. As of now, Meredith is a patient. We need to check her blood alcohol content again.

Cristina: Right away.

Bailey: Are you on this case?

Cristina: No.

Bailey: Get the blood done. But you aren't scrubbing in.

Cristina: OK.

Bailey: Hey, Yang.

Cristina: Yes.

Bailey: You can watch from the gallery.

Cristina: Thank you.

Her blood alcohol came back OK. Alex prepped her for surgery. Dr. Bailey opened her up.

Bailey: Shit. I need some lap pads here. We are going to have to remove the spleen. This is a mess. Karev- what are the functions of the spleen?

Alex: The spleen filters the blood and removes abnormal cells. It makes disease-fighting components of the immune system. Since the spleen is involved in so many bodily functions, it is vulnerable to a wide range of disorders. The human body can adapt well it, so removing it is possible without causing any serious harm to the patient.

Bailey: Good.

Alex: How did this happen?

Bailey: Hell if I know. She had to have been hit. As drunk as she was, she probably won't remember. Damn intern drinks too much if you ask me.

Alex: Wow, this is a mess.

Bailey: She's lucky she got here when she did. She wouldn't have made it much longer.

Meanwhile:

Derek climbs out of bed. He didn't sleep very well. He hadn't heard from Meredith in days. He was getting very worried. It was unlike her, to lose contact. He had a surgery at 7:30am. He wanted to get to the hospital early. He hadn't done the surgery in a long time and wanted to read up on it and check on his patients. He takes a shower and grabs his things heading to the car. He tries to call Meredith again. She should be answering. It is much later in Boston. He was ready to panic. He doesn't panic. He's not that kind of guy. He didn't even know who to call. He pulls into the hospital parking lot and makes his way upstairs. He takes a look at the surgical board and reads: Thompson, Meredith- Splenectomy - OR 2.

Derek: What the hell? (He rushes into the scrub room. Dr. Bailey is closing her up. He waits. Dr. Bailey and Alex walk in.) What's going on? What happened? Is she OK?

Bailey: I can't discuss that with you.

Derek: What? Miranda.

Bailey: Patient confidentiality, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: She's my girlfriend!

Bailey: That's not what I've heard! (She walks out.)

Alex: Dude, she's been living in a hotel.

Derek: What? What are you talking about? She's in Boston.

Alex: Obviously not. I just performed surgery on her.

Derek: What the hell happened? (He is dumbfounded.)

--------------

OK, last nights episode was intense. I cried. I never cry! Derek was her "Knight in shining...whatever." He really cares about her. It was heartbreaking. My prediction is that they will give up on her. Possibly call TOD and Cristina will rush in and fight to save her. She is, after all, her person. We shall see!

Now in my story... Rest assured Derek would never cheat. I would have to write myself into the story and beat him beyond recognition! Meredith won't either. And they won't die. I could never do that.


	56. Chapter 56

Derek could hardly perform his surgery. He had absolutely no idea what had happened between them. Sure, they had fought before she left. It wasn't a big fight. It wasn't an end-our-relationship fight. She didn't want to confront her problems, he called her out. People don't end things because of that. If that was the worst fight they ever had they would be very lucky. Something had to have happened. The surgery didn't take very long. He sent the patient to recovery, now he could see Meredith. He was sure she was still in recovery. As he walked up he smiled. She looked peaceful. Even after surgery, she was radiant. He stood there for a long time, just watching and stroking her hair. He had to find out what happened. He didn't even notice Dr. Bailey walk up.

Bailey: Why the hell are you in here?

Derek: Miranda-

Bailey: (Clears her throat.) It's Dr. Bailey...

Derek: Dr. Bailey, what is going on?

Bailey: You tell me. Yang said she didn't want you to know anything about her case.

Derek: Cristina, er, Yang said that? I need to find her.

Bailey: She's scrubbed in with Burke right now.

Derek: Shit! We were fine. She was going to Boston. I didn't even know she was back. If she even left at all.

Bailey: I don't need to hear your problems. Now leave the patient alone!

Derek went to his office and paced. He didn't know what to do. How the hell long can a valve replacement take? He was going to propose to her, he was going to get the ring next week. He was going to make the step, take the plunge. Had he been that wrong. No. She is perfect. Something happened. It had to have been a misunderstanding. Why does she do this? Why does she shut everyone out? Derek decided to wait in the gallery. He had to talk to Cristina. She knew what was going on. She was supposed to be Meredith's person. Hopefully she would talk to him. Derek saw Burke and Cristina heading towards the scrub room. He practically fell down the stairs trying to hurry. He swings the door wide open.

Derek: Dr. Burke. (He nods.) Dr. Yang, would you mind telling me what the hell is going on?

Cristina: Excuse me?

Derek: Dr. Bailey won't tell me anything. What is going on? (He raises his voice.)

Cristina: She's pissed. She saw you. We saw you.

Derek: Saw me what?

Cristina: Last night, at the bar. With the tall, leggy blonde.

Derek: What? I was not with a blonde last night.

Cristina: Yeah, you were. We walked in, you were with her at the pool table.

Burke: Cristina, I think you have the wrong idea.

Cristina: Well, I don't. (She walks out, followed by Derek and Burke.)

Derek: Dr. Yang! (He shouts.)

Cristina: What?!

Derek: Let me explain.

Cristina: No! I don't want to hear it. (She raises her voice loudly.) My friend is screwed up, OK? She has lost her husband, a child, and her mom. She has lost everything. She is under stress. You pressure her into moving things along, which she is not ready to do. She does what you say, because she wants to make you happy. Then she comes home to surprise you, only to see you bent over a pool table with some slut! As far as I'm concerned, it's your fault that she's in here! She was already damaged, now she is destroyed! (Derek is silent. He wants to scream, but several doctors and nurses are all watching them.)

Burke: Cristina! (He grabs her and pulls her into the stairwell.)

Cristina: What!

Burke: I was there, with Shepherd. It's not what you think.

Cristina: What do you mean?

Burke: That was Dr. Phelps' wife. We were there celebrating with them. He is the new oncologist. Derek and I are both friends with Craig. Craig convinced Derek to help his wife play pool. Derek wanted to leave, we kept pressuring him to stay. He didn't even want to be there. All he talked about was Thompson, all night. So maybe you should find out what's going on before you throw stones and jump down someone's throat.

Cristina: Oh shit. (She walks into the hall, where Derek is standing.) Sorry or whatever.

Derek: Thanks, I guess. (She walks away. Burke walks up.) These woman...

Burke: No kidding.

Derek: So instead of confronting me, she slashes my tires.

Burke: What?

Derek: It had to have been her. (Laughs.) What the hell am I getting myself into?

Burke: I'm asking myself the same thing.

Derek: At least we're in it together. Those two are obviously a package.

Burke: Yes, they are. (Shakes his head.) See you later.

Derek: Thanks, for talking to her.

Burke: No problem.

Derek went into Meredith's room. She was still asleep. The room as dark and quiet. It was a cloudy, rainy day. He just watched her chest rise and fall. He loved her so much. He wasn't going to let her push him away. The rest of his day was empty. He was going to be there when she woke up.

Meredith was dreaming. She saw her and Derek. They were so happy. They were laying in the hammock, by the water. She loved his land. She even loved his trailer. She loved him. She loved anything that he loved. She slowly felt herself waking up. She was so tired, but she had to open her eyes. She panicked. It was Derek. She didn't have the fight in her right now. He was sitting there, reading. She saw him start to turn his head to look at her. She shut her eyes, falling back asleep. Derek was startled when Dr. Bailey walked in.

Bailey: How many times do I have to tell you?

Derek: I didn't look at her chart. I am not looking at anything 'confidential'. I am just sitting here with her.

Bailey: She doesn't want anything to do with you! She told Dr. Yang to keep you away. (Cristina walks up.)

Cristina: I lied.

Bailey: What?

Cristina: I lied. She never said that. In fact she wanted him to know everything. I lied.

Bailey: Why. Never mind. SCUT. NOW! (Cristina dropped her head and glanced at Derek. He mouthed thank you.) I need to check on her. Can you leave for a moment?

Derek: Of course. (Derek jogged up to Cristina.) Thanks.

Cristina: Yeah, whatever.

Derek: I wish she would have confronted me.

Cristina: Well, she didn't. We're not friends, you and I. I am friends with your girlfriend. She is my person, that's why I can say this. You are an ass. An arrogant ass. But for some reason, she seems to love you. If you are what makes her happy, so be it. But as her friend, I am also saying that if you hurt her, ever, I will kill you. But not before making you suffer the worst pain in the world. Do you understand?

Derek: (Shocked.) Yes.

Cristina: Good. Now I have to do SCUT, for my friend.

Derek returned to Meredith's room. She was still asleep. She was in a lot of pain, and her body had been through a lot. He decided to grab her chart. He couldn't believe her blood alcohol content. It was dangerous, reckless even. John said she only drank when it was bad. If that's true, he had to make sure it was never bad again. He sat with her all night. He postponed his surgeries for the next few days. He wanted to be there with her. The next day he got paged for an emergency surgery. He was upset, but that was the job. Cristina agreed to come in and sit with her. The surgery took several hours. Meredith woke up shortly after Cristina came in.

Cristina: Hey.

Meredith: Hey. What happened?

Cristina: Your spleen ruptured.

Meredith: Seriously?

Cristina: Yeah.

Meredith: I feel good! (She starts to get up.)

Cristina: Whoa, what are you doing. Stop.

Meredith: I need to get out of this bed.

Cristina: You just had surgery. It was bad. Sit your ass down. You still have a catheter in.

Meredith: Fine. (rolls her eyes.) Who are the flowers from?

Cristina: Oh, your Mom and the Chief, George and Izzie, Derek (She rushes his name.), and Burke and I. You know me, I didn't want to get them

Meredith: I do know you. Wait, did you say Derek? (She is getting upset.)

Cristina: Yeah, about that...

Meredith: What the hell? That nervy... (The door opens and Derek starts to walk in.) You son-of-a-bitch! Get out.

Derek: Mer- (She throws a vase across the room. He shuts the door right before, and it crashes into the door.)

Cristina: Great. I better not have to clean that up!

Meredith: Damn-it. (He cracks opens the door.)

Derek: Meredith, let me explain.

Meredith: Explain? Explain? Get out!

Derek: Mer- (She throws the remote control at him, hitting him square in the forehead.)

Cristina: Nice shot!

Meredith: Thanks.

Derek: I need to talk to you.

Cristina: I think you need to leave for a minute. (He looks at her, and does.)

Meredith: He cheated. What the hell is he thinking?

Cristina: Yeah, about that...

Meredith: What? WHAT?

Cristina: We screwed up.


	57. Chapter 57

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith: We screwed up? What do you mean we screwed up? How could we- We saw him.

Cristina: Burke was there with him. They were with a colleague, someone Derek went to medical school with. That woman was the guy's wife.

Meredith: But. He was-

Cristina: I guess Derek wanted to go home, and they kept pressuring him to stay.

Meredith: So he bends a girl over the pool table.

Cristina: I guess this doctor kept asking Derek to help her play. He really didn't want to. Besides, if Derek were going to cheat, why would he do it at Joe's? Joe knows you. And half the doctors at Seattle Grace go there every night.

Meredith: Oh my God. (Her face turns white. She turns and looks out the window.) I'm so stupid.

Cristina: No you're not. I would have thought the same thing. I did. I was with you, remember? (Her pager goes off.) I gotta go. It's Bailey.

Meredith: Bye. _How could I be so stupid? What is wrong with me? I've lost him forever. There is no way I can ever look at him again. The best thing that has ever happened to me, and I manage to screw it up. God, I screw everything up._

She rolls over and faces the window, tears streaming down her face. She feels like she has nothing left. She feels like she has been dropped off in the middle of nowhere. Left with no map, and no directions. She was going to finally have her happily ever after with Derek. Now she just wanted to go to sleep. At least it was peaceful there. She closed her eyes, praying for sleep. She heard the door open. She didn't care who it was, she didn't want to talk.

Bailey: Meredith. (She pretended she was asleep.) Dr. Thompson, get your ass up.

Meredith: (Rolls over, with tear stained cheeks.) Yeah.

Bailey: How are you feeling?

Meredith: I'm fine.

Bailey: Is that all you know how to say? That's all I ever hear out of you! You are not fine.

Meredith: I feel good. The incision feels good.

Bailey: You are not fine. Meredith your blood alcohol content was way over the legal limit when you came in yesterday. I had to wait to take you into an emergency surgery until you dried up! Yesterday was the second time I have seen you drunk, in the hospital in the last couple of weeks time. I don't know what the hell you think you are doing, but you are killing yourself. You are spinning out of control! You are the most talented intern I have. If you keep going this way, you'll be lucky if you make it through the program! I know you have been through a lot, but you need to get your head out of your ass and start thinking. (Meredith is in shock.) So what do you have to say for yourself?

Meredith: I don't know.

Bailey: What do you mean, you don't know?

Meredith: I don't know anything anymore.

Bailey: Well, you better figure it out. (She walks out. Meredith rolls back over and closes her eyes, falling into a deep sleep.)

Derek: (In the hallway.) How is she?

Bailey: She's not good.

Derek: What's wrong? Is it infection?

Bailey: She has problems Derek. She is not dealing with things. Physically she will be OK, but mentally, I don't know...

Derek: She has been having a hard time but-

Bailey: Derek- her blood alcohol was .12, for a person her size, my God. She has a problem Derek, she has to start dealing with things. She will never make it through her internship the way she is going.

Derek: What do I do?

Bailey: I have no idea. You just need to get through to her.

Derek went into Meredith's room. He sat down in the chair by the window. The talk with Miranda Bailey unsettled him. Was this all his fault. Did she have a problem and he didn't even notice? How was he going to help her now? He picked up the medical journal that was on her table. He wanted to talk to her, but he was nervous. Derek Shepherd wasn't usually nervous. What should he say? He sat there for a few hours, just watching her. Finally she opened her eyes.

Derek: Hey. (She quickly covered her face with a pillow.) Meredith. I'm not going away.

Meredith: (Uncovers her face.) Derek. I'm sorry. I feel so stupid.

Derek: I'm sorry.

Meredith: For what?

Derek: I should have been there. I could have been more supportive.

Meredith: It's not your fault. I push people away. I live my life under a banner of avoidance. I'm an avoider.

Derek: It hurts, Mer. It really hurts. I'm your guy. You should be able to tell me anything. I'm your rock, your supporter. I love you. I don't understand why you won't talk to me.

Meredith: Derek, you should run. I'm giving you an out. You can go. No hard feelings.

Derek: What?

Meredith: You don't want me. I'm damaged. I'm beyond repair. You could be happy. You could find someone who will make you happy. I'm just going to drag you down.

Derek: No! You are that someone! You make me happy. I am not giving up on you. Everyone is flawed, Mer. I'm sticking around, no matter how long it takes.

Meredith: Oh, Derek. Why? I will just hurt you. Why do you have to do this?

Derek: Because I love you. (He leans over and kisses her.)

Meredith: I'm so tired. You should go home.

Derek: Nope, I'm staying right here in this chair!

Meredith: Go home, get some sleep.

Derek: Don't you know I can't sleep without you?

Meredith: We're ruined, aren't we?

Derek: I think we are.

Meredith: Well, goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight. (About 20 minutes go by.)

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: Lay with me.

Derek: I thought you'd never ask.

He crawls into bed, and lays next to her. She rests her head against him, falling asleep, he follows suit. Cristina comes in and sees them together. She didn't dislike Derek. She just didn't want her friend to get hurt again. She had been through a lot lately. As much as Cristina hated to admit it, Derek was a good thing for Meredith. She quietly closed the door, meeting George and Izzie in the hallway.

Cristina: She's asleep.

Izzie: Oh, we were going to visit her.

George: How is she?

Cristina: She is OK. She's recovering well.

Izzie: Well, maybe one of us should stay with her.

Cristina: She already has someone.

George: Who?

Izzie: Derek. (She says matter-of-fact.)

George: Oh. But, I thought he was a cheater!

Cristina: Where have you been? He didn't cheat, it was a misunderstanding.

Izzie: It was?

Cristina: Yeah. (she brushed them off.) I gotta go.

George: Bye.

Izzie: I don't know how Mer can be friends with her. Neither of them listen to each other. They are supportive. Whatever. You ready to go home?

George: Yeah.

A few hours went by. Meredith kept having dreams. Dreams about John and Ray. The stress was getting to her. She couldn't bear it anymore. She started crying in her sleep, which woke Derek up. He wanted her to talk to him, but he knew pressuring her was not the way to go. The more he pushed, the more withdrawn she would get. Soon enough she quit crying, and he fell back asleep. After awhile she woke up in a cold sweat. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to pour her heart out. She was scared, what if he thought she was crazy? She couldn't take it. She was in pain. She felt like she was slowly dying from the inside out. She was disappearing. If she went on the way she was, eventually she would be gone. She quietly begins to weep. She feels like she can't breath, slowly she is fading away.

Derek: Meredith.

Meredith: (Crying.) Yeah?

Derek: Are you crying? What's wrong? Oh my God, you're sweating!

Meredith: I had a bad dream. I can't. I just can't. Not yet, anyway. It hurts Derek. I'm scared. Please, just hold me. (He wraps his arms around her.)

Derek: OK.

Meredith and Derek slept soundly for the rest of the night. With her in his arms, everything was always OK. In the morning Dr. Bailey and the interns came in for rounds. Derek was startled when the light snapped on and everyone walked in.

Bailey: What the hell are you doing here?

Derek: Sleeping. Why'd you have to wake me up?

Bailey: Get up. (He gets up and sits in the chair. All of the interns were looking at him.) Who's presenting?

Alex: Meredith Thompson. Post op from a splenectomy. She got here last dose of Morphine last night.

Bailey: How are you feeling?

Meredith: Tired. (Her eyes droop.)

Bailey: Let me take a look at your incision. (She pulls the gown open.)

Izzie: That's not good.

Bailey: It is getting infected. It's going to need to be cleaned out several times a day, and re-dressed. Are you in pain?

Meredith: A little, not much.

Bailey: We will increase your pain medication.

Meredith: When can I go home?

Izzie: Seriously?

Bailey: You are going to be here at least five more days. You had a lot of internal bleeding. Get used to the stay.

Meredith: Thanks. (She rolls over and closes her eyes.) Please turn the light off when you leave. (They all leave, including Derek. Miranda and Derek stand in front of her room.)

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd?

Derek: Yes.

Bailey: How much did she sleep last night?

Derek: Pretty much the whole night. Actually including the time before I came in, it was a lot.

Bailey: I think it's depression.

Derek: I don't think so.

Bailey: Well, I do. I think we need to put her on an anti-depressant.

Derek: She is sad, and having a hard time letting it out. I really don't think she needs drugs to help her. She just needs to talk.

Bailey: Well then, you better get her talking.

Derek: I've tried.

Bailey: You need to try harder, she is sleeping too much. She did just have surgery, but she should have more energy.

Derek: I will do what I can.

Bailey: She's slipping away, fast.

Meredith spent the whole day sleeping. She was truly tired. Her sleep was interrupted. The dreams were terrible. Every time she fell asleep she saw John. Not the John she remembered. In her dreams, he was angry with her. He was always yelling at her. Sometimes he was violent. All the years she had known him, he had never hit her, and he rarely yelled. Derek came in and sat with her while she ate her lunch. She wasn't hungry. She picked at her food.

Derek: Meredith, you need to eat.

Meredith: I'm not hungry.

Derek: Please, eat. You look weak. The better you eat, the sooner you can leave. Besides, the girl I know can eat like nothing I've ever seen.

Meredith: Have you ever eaten this crap?

Derek: It looks good.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: You eat it!

Derek: You are the one that needs to eat, not me.

Meredith: Come on... I'll get more. Try it!

Derek: Fine... (He takes a bite of the macaroni and cheese. He quickly spits it out.) Blech, that's horrible.

Meredith: OK, then.

Derek: I'll be back in a few minutes.

Meredith: OK. (He returns after a few minutes with her favorite roast beef sandwich from the deli across the street.)

Derek: Here you go, roast beef.

Meredith: Yum! Thank you. You know, the hospital has a strict diet.

Derek: That will kill you! Eat up. (She starts to eat. He feels a lot better that she is eating. He was worried. She had dropped quite a few pounds, and was looking pretty gaunt.) So how are you?

Meredith: Tired.

Derek: Have you slept?

Meredith: All morning. I just can't get enough sleep.

Derek: Hmm... How are you feeling otherwise?

Meredith: Derek, I'm not ready. I can't.

Derek: You will have to open up to me eventually.

Meredith: Eventually.


	58. Chapter 58

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek left shortly after lunch, for a consult. He was reluctant to leave, but Meredith assured him that she would be fine. Meredith spent most of the day sleeping and watching t.v. She had never realized how much she didn't like t.v. until it was the only thing to do. After a while she heard a knock on the door. The other interns came in with their lunches.

Izzie: How are you feeling?

Meredith: Like I want to get the hell out of here.

Cristina: Get over it! You've been here for one day.

George: You aren't strong enough to leave.

Alex: I saw your surgery. You were in bad shape. Another hour and you would've been dead. Hell, we had to wait for you to sober up. You were damn lucky. How much did you drink, anyway?

Meredith: I don't remember. I just remember telling the bartender that I didn't want to have an empty glass in front of me.

Alex: You were trashed.

Izzie: Do you know how it happened?

Meredith: What?

George: Spleens don't usually rupture spontaneously. Do remember how it happened?

Meredith: Umm... I'm not sure. I remember walking to the elevator. I was almost to my room. Oh my God! (Her face is clearly troubled.)

Cristina: What? Did you fall over something in your drunken stupor?

Meredith: I think I was mugged.

Izzie: Oh my God, Mer!

Meredith: Someone came up and helped me. The guy he punched me, in the stomach. (Her eyes well up.)

George: Are you OK, Mer?

Meredith: No.

Izzie: Mer...

Meredith: I'm so stupid. Anything could have happened to me.

Alex: But it didn't.

Izzie: Thank God.

George: Meredith you need to slow down. Something bad is going to happen if you aren't careful.

Meredith: Don't you think I know that! (She was getting angry.) Things are... I'm just so. Never mind!

Izzie: Sorry Mer. We're just worried about you.

Cristina: Leave her alone. (Meredith is looking pale.) Mer, are you OK?

Meredith: I just have a headache.

George: We should leave. We'll leave now. (He gives the other interns a look.)

Izzie: Yep, see you later.

Alex: Bye.

Izzie: Cristina, aren't you coming?

Cristina: First of all, she's _my_ person. And Secondly, I'm not the one bothering her.

George: Come on, Iz. (They leave.)

Meredith: Do you think I have a problem? A drinking problem.

Cristina: Well, yeah.

Meredith: Seriously?

Cristina: Well, sometimes. Only when you can't deal with things. You don't have a drinking problem, you have a dealing problem.

Meredith: Thanks! I feel better. And you don't?

Cristina: I may not talk about my problems, but I don't really have any. You are a mess. I have never seen so many issues in my life. Dad issues, Mom issues, husband issues-

Meredith: I think I get the freaking point! God. (She grumbles.)

Cristina: OK, then. I think I have to go.

Meredith: I think you do. (She gets up.) You know you are an overbearing pain in the ass, right?

Cristina: Yes, I do.

Meredith turns her head and closes her eyes. Her headache is lingering. She just wants some peace and quiet. She knows her friends mean well, but she didn't want to hear it. She knows her problems, after all she owns them. She doesn't need to be reminded of them. She decides to page the nurse, she needed another blanket.

Nurse: Yes, Dr. Thompson?

Meredith: Can I get another blanket, I'm cold.

Nurse: Sure, I'll be right back.

Meredith snuggled into her wonderful hospital bed. Pretty soon they were going to have to put a cage around it, because she had thoughts of escape. She turned the t.v. back on. She flipped through the channels, nothing interested her. Too bad they didn't have a channel that showed surgeries all day long. That would make her stay a little better. Later that evening Derek came back.

Derek: Hey. (He kisses her on the head.) You're warm.

Meredith: No, actually I'm cold.

Derek: How are you feeling?

Meredith: I have a headache.

Derek: I think you're running a fever. (He pages the nurse. She checks her temperature and she is barely higher normal.)

Meredith: I'm OK. You look tired.

Derek: I am.

Meredith: Climb up here with me. I need you to keep me warm.

Derek: I can do that. (He gets in the bed and lays next to her.)

Meredith: How was your day?

Derek: Good. I missed you.

Meredith: I missed you too.

Derek: How was your day?

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: Well, I watched t.v, then slept, then watched t.v., then my friends came in and harassed me, then I watched more freaking t.v.

Derek: Sounds like fun. (He smirks.)

Meredith: I would've much rather been scrubbed in on any surgery.

Derek: I bet you would.

Meredith: Close your eyes.

Derek: Why?

Meredith: You're tired, and you need to sleep.

Derek: I think you are right.

Meredith: I always am.

Meredith fell sound asleep shortly after Derek. The nurses didn't come in much when Derek was in the room. She slept soundly for several hours. It was quiet and peaceful. She could sleep anywhere as long as Derek was there with her. All she needed was him. After a while she started dreaming again. She was in a room full of liquor bottles. She looked around, all four walls were covered floor to ceiling. She just stood there, looking around. She couldn't figure out why she was there. She felt someone breathing on her neck. She quickly spun around only to be face to face with John. His face was like stone. She tried to talk, but nothing came out. He stood there in her face, his eyes cold and dark. He started to talk, raising his voice, almost screaming. "_What the hell are you doing Meredith! What is wrong with you?" _He yelled so loudly that all of the bottles started to shatter. Glass flew at her, striking her body. She was sliced up and bleeding. The liquor began to fill up the room quickly. "_You promised me_! How could you do it?" She started to cry. How did he know? Did he find out about her and Derek sleeping together? She started to panic. The liquor filled the room, soon it was over her head. She was drowning, she flailed her arms, trying to keep her head up. "_You said you would be happy. You promised you would be happy. You are killing yourself, Mer. Damn-it, Meredith, you aren't even trying." _She tried to speak, finally something came out. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry" she said. "You have to save yourself." John yelled, leaving her drowning.

Derek: Meredith, Mer?

Meredith: Yeah.

Derek: Why are you sorry?

Meredith: Um, nothing. It was a dream. I'm fine. Go back to sleep.

Derek: Are you sure you're OK?

Meredith: Yes.

Meredith laid there for a while. She didn't want to sleep. She was unnerved. What did it mean? What was she supposed to do? She was trying, why can't anyone see that? She was scared. She was really scared. Her life wasn't supposed to be this way, this complicated. She just wanted it to end. She wanted it all to end. She couldn't bear it. She was drowning, drowning in her own pain. She needed to talk about it. She didn't want to, but it felt like she was going to implode.

Meredith: Derek? (She whispered. If he didn't answer, she wasn't going to talk. She was hoping he didn't.)

Derek: Hmm, yes?

Meredith: I'm ready. Ready to talk, or whatever.

Derek: You are? I mean, good. I'm ready to listen.

Meredith: I feel like I'm drowning. I'm drowning, Derek. I can't breath. (She starts to cry.) It hurts so bad. I've screwed up my whole life. I have changed for everyone. I don't even know who I am anymore. Do you know what I realized the other day? I never loved John. Not the way I was supposed to. He was like a brother, a friend. I settled for him. He was what I knew, what I was comfortable with. He could have been happy. He could have married someone who loved him, had kids. I wasted him. I ruined his life, and now he's dead. If I had pushed him away, or at the very least, let him go. He would have been happy. He's dead because of me! (She begins to weep. Her body shakes.)

Derek: No Meredith. This is not your fault.

Meredith: Not my fault? Do you know why he is dead? Because of Ray. And Ray, my God. You know all my life I tried so hard. When my mom and I came to Boston I tried to make her happy. I tired so hard. She was sad, she missed Richard. She pushed me away. All I ever wanted was attention. I dyed my hair pink, do you think she noticed? No. I had huge parties in her house. I got drunk all of the time, she didn't care. John and I had sex in the house, she caught us in the act. Do you know what she said? I need to talk to you when you're done. I was a kid. She should have killed me. She didn't even care. Ray. I hated Ray. But Ray made her jealous. That was the only time she cared or noticed me. When Ray looked at me, she seethed. He made me sick, but the fact that it made her notice, made it slightly bearable. I probably could have done more to stop him. I did, but- Oh God Derek. Can't you see? It all comes down to me. Ray killed John. I killed John. (She is curled up in a ball, holding her stomach, crying heavily.)

Derek: You didn't kill John. This is not your fault Meredith. You were a kid. You were a kid with a horrible mother. She screwed up. How were you supposed to know better? You have to be taught. You raised yourself. You did good. You did the best you could. It's not your fault. You didn't tell Ray to kill John. You didn't force him. It happened. John loved you. That's all that mattered. He was happy with things the way they were. You made him happy. He was happy with what you gave him, even if it wasn't your all. He didn't regret one moment of it. Meredith, you are surrounded by people that love you. You have friends who care more about you than anything. Your mom wants to make things work. Richard is like your father. Mark and Addison consider you a good friend. I love you. We are your family, we are all you need. You're OK.

Meredith: I'm OK.

Derek: You are OK. (Kisses her.) Oh my God, you're burning up.

Meredith: I- (She vomits all over everything.)

Derek: You're not OK. (He pages the nurse.)

Meredith: My stomach. Oh my God Derek, my stomach. It hurts so bad. Derek, what's wrong with me? (She passes out.)

Derek: Meredith, Mer?


	59. Chapter 59

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith wakes back up complaining of abdominal pain. She cannot stop vomiting. Derek was always in control, never worried. He never panicked. He wasn't the type. He is one of the top neurosurgeons in the country. Derek Shepherd was panicking. His love for Meredith was so deep, so strong, it turned him into Jello. Dr. Bailey walks in with George.

Bailey: What the hell did you do to my patient, Shepherd?

Derek: She was fine. She had a headache all day. She was running a slight fever earlier. Now it's 104. She started vomiting and complaining of abdominal pain.

Bailey: Don't you think I can see the vomit?

Derek: I think it's-

Bailey: (Raises her hand.) Wait. O'Malley, what's your diagnosis?

George: Umm. Well, fever, vomiting, headache and abdominal pain after a splenectomy? It sounds like and overwhelming post-splenectomy infection.

Bailey: Good. What do we do?

George: Run a CBC and chem panel?

Bailey: Good. First we need to start her on antibiotics.

George: Before the tests are done?

Bailey: Yes. This is a bad infection, if we don't start treating it now, she will die. You need to run a Chem7, a CBC, Peripheral blood smear and a blood culture. Oh, and a chest x-ray. She needs to get Cefotaxime, 2 g IV over 8 hours, and Ceftriaxone 2 g IV over 24 hours. Move, O'Malley!

George: Right away.

Derek: I can't believe this. This is why she has been so tired.

Bailey: It happens, at least we caught it.

Derek: She was just opening up to me.

Bailey: That's good. She's one of the best interns I've seen. She can go far if she can keep her mind clear.

Derek: She's on her way there.

Bailey: Good. (She starts to walk out.) Damn patient had to wake me up.

Derek just shakes his head. It's Miranda Bailey, the nazi, he knows how she is. Miranda is good. She is going to be a great surgeon. Seattle Grace was lucky to have her. Derek sat in the chair worrying about Meredith. She had just opened up to him. It broke his heart to see how broken she really was. He had never realized how much she hurt. She wasn't going to wake up tomorrow and be fine. She was still going to be wearing the emotional bruises she had been carrying around for years. Derek knew, slowly, but surely, that they would begin to disappear. She was on her way to recovery. Derek sat there staring at the wall. He knew she would be fine, but if she wasn't he knew he couldn't go on. He couldn't live without her. George brought Meredith in about an hour later.

George: It is an OPSI. She was in Septic shock. Her fever has dropped slightly. Dr. Bailey thinks she will be fine.

Derek: Good. (He breathes a sigh of relief.) I'll be staying, I'll watch her.

George: OK. (He walks out.)

Derek scoots his chair next to her bed and takes her hand. Her tiny hand fit perfectly in his. It would look better with a ring on it, he mused. He always had doubts about every girl he had ever been with. None of them seemed right. There was one girl that everyone had given him a hard time about. Everyone said she was the one, he knew better. He came close to asking her to marry him, not because he wanted to. He had wondered if everyone knew something he didn't. Maybe he wasn't able to tell, maybe he wasn't wired that way. All of his friends knew him so well, maybe better than he knew himself. That was until he saw Meredith. That day he knew. There was no question. He always thought love at first sight was crap, until that day. He laid his head back on the chair and closed his eyes, falling fast asleep.

Meredith was still asleep. She was dreaming. This time, however, she wasn't scared. She was laying on a beach. She was alone, she could hear the wind moving the palm trees. The smell of salt water was in the air, and she could feel the spray of the ocean on her soft skin. She laid there in her chair, with her eyes closed. "Hey." Meredith's opens her eyes, knowing the familiar face she is going to see. "Hey." she responded. "I'm proud of you, String-bean." he said, a name only he used. "John, I'm sorry." she whispered. "No. You should never feel sorry." He told her. "But I-" she pleaded. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to get what she a Derek did, she had to get it off of her chest. "No. You did nothing wrong. Everything is the way it's supposed to be. You opened up, I'm proud of you. He will take care of you. Be happy. It's time to let go." John said softly. "I'm not going to be visiting you anymore. I don't need to. Derek is a good thing. You're OK." He walks over and kisses her on the forehead. "I will always love you, Mer." He walks away, down the beach. Meredith smiles and closes her eyes.

Derek has sat with her all night. She was quiet, and didn't wake up. Her body is fighting a massive infection. Derek woke up and looked at her, she looked peaceful. She had a different look on her face than she had for the past few months. Bailey and the interns walk in.

Bailey: How is she?

Derek: She has been sleeping all night.

Bailey: George, you present.

George: Meredith Thompson, recovering from a splenectomy done two days ago. Last night she developed an overwhelming post-splenectomy infection. She is on antibiotics now. Her fever has dropped and she is doing well.

Bailey: Good. She needs to be monitored. George, you take her, since you were here last night.

Izzie: What caused the infection?

Cristina: The spleen it filters the blood and removes abnormal cells, and it makes disease-fighting components of the immune system. People who have had their spleen removed are at increased risk of infection. Meredith developed an septicaemia infection.

Bailey: Good. Got it, Stevens?

Meredith: It's Dr. Thompson to you, Yang. (She smiles.)

Cristina: I'll call you whatever I want!

Meredith: If you want to get your ass kicked!

Bailey: How are you feeling?

Meredith: Good. So I got an overwhelming post-splenectomy infection? Damn dirty hospital. I know, I work here, after all. (She smiled.)

Cristina: Aren't we cheery?

Meredith: Shut up whore. (She laughed.)

Cristina: Me...You!

Bailey: Okay people. Let's be professional here. This isn't high school.

Meredith: Yes it is. It's high school with scalpels.

Bailey: You got that right. We have to finish rounds. OK, next patient. (They walk out.)

Meredith: (Smiled.) Derek...

Derek: Mer.

Meredith: I love you.

Derek: I love you, too. (He leans down and kisses her.) You look good. Much better than last night.

Meredith: I feel better. I'm OK. Thank you for being here.

Derek: I'll always be here. (The Chief knocks and walks in.)

Chief: How are you?

Meredith: I'm good.

Chief: I'm glad. Your mother will be here in a few days. She's worried.

Meredith: She is?

Chief: Yes, she is. Derek, are you going to the neurology conference in New York?

Derek: No.

Chief: OK, that's fine.

Meredith: Derek, you should go.

Derek: I want to stay here with you.

Meredith: I am stuck here in the hospital for a week. Go. (She pulls his head close and whispers.) Besides, I won't need your service until I get home. (She kisses him.) So, go!

Derek: Are you sure? It's only one day. I'll be gone two days at the most.

Meredith: Go!

Chief: Sounds good. Meredith, I'm happy that you are feeling better. See you later.

Derek left for New York two days later. He was glad that she convinced him to go. He had ulterior motives. He was going to Tiffany's and he was getting the ring. Meredith had done a complete one-eighty. She was a lot happier, and alert. Part of it was blamed on depression, and part on the infection. Somehow, the dream that she had about John comforted her. Her friends checked on her all day long. Mark and Addison brought her lunch and spent a lot of time with her. She liked them. Anyone who made Derek happy, made her happy. She was practically crawling the walls when someone unexpected came in.

Lynn: How are you, dear?

Meredith: Lynn! Derek isn't here. He's in New York.

Lynn: I know. I'm not here for Derek. I'm here for you. I wanted to make sure you were really OK.

Meredith: I'm good. Really good. The hospital is driving me crazy, but otherwise, I'm fine.

Lynn: That's good to hear, dear. I brought these. She handed her several photo albums. I thought I would torture my son when he's not here.

Meredith: Oh, how nice. (She flips it opens.) Oh my God! He was a beautiful baby!

Lynn: Yes he was... (Meredith smiled. She loved looking at the pictures. Lynn pointed out who the people were that she didn't know.) And this-

Meredith: Is Derek's father.

Lynn: Yes.

Meredith: Wow, he looks just like him.

The more Meredith looks at the photos of Derek as a child, the more she ached to have a baby. She never felt that way. She never had that need, or want, for a child. She was happy to be pregnant for Bella after she knew, bust she didn't plan her. She wanted children with Derek. Her heart sank when she remembered their conversation. He told her his mom would be too disappointed when they didn't have kids. He didn't want them. She loved him enough to let her maternal need go. She started thinking about John. She knew the dream wasn't real, but she wished she had been able to tell him about she and Derek. She still felt the lingering cloud of guilt. She couldn't believe what she said.

Meredith: I cheated on my husband. (She opened her eyes wide. Why did she say that? She may have well just stood in front of the firing squad. Lynn was really going to hate her now.)

Lynn: You did? (She didn't look shocked.)

Meredith: John and I were childhood sweethearts. He cheated on me the night before our wedding. Well, at least I thought he did. I found him in our bed with her. I married him anyway. I didn't love him, not like I should have. Our marriage was troubled. I gave birth to a stillborn. It separated us. I swore I would never cheat. I didn't believe in it. It's the worst thing you can do to someone. I met this man. He was great. The minute I looked in his eyes, I knew he was the one. I asked John for a divorce. He had this crazy idea. I had to date before he'd let me go. I dated this guy. Whenever I spent time with him I fell more in love. He was amazing. I cheated on my husband with him. The worst part is, I didn't even regret it. I loved this man too much to care. I wish I had come clean. I would have told him. He died too soon. I never got the chance. (Her eyes well up.) I can't get over this guilt I feel. I wish I could have told him. The other man, he was so special, so amazing. He was-

Lynn: My son.

Meredith: Yes.

Lynn: Let me tell you a story.

Meredith: OK.

Lynn: None of my kids know this. I never want them to. Davis, Derek's father came from money. I worked at a small diner near the college. He was in college, I had no plans of going. I didn't know what I wanted. I was just a middle class girl. He was good looking, the minute I saw him I fell in love. He was always with a girl. My friends teased me that I didn't have a chance. I was determined to prove them wrong. He took me on a date, and we fell in love. We got married. The first three years were great. I was so in love with him, it consumed me. After a while, he quit coming home at night. At first it was far and few between, then more often. One night I followed him. I actually left my children and followed him. He landed straight into another woman's arms. It broke my heart. I still loved him so much. I turned my head. He knew that I knew. We lived that way until he died. He stayed with that other woman until the end. His children never knew there was another woman. They thought he just worked hard. I loved him so much. I just wanted him to be happy, even if it was with someone else. If he would have asked me to let him go, I would have. He stayed because of the kids. There will never be another man for me. He was the one, even if I wasn't his 'one'. So what I am saying, is that you shouldn't feel guilty. If he loved you as much as everyone says; he would have forgiven you, and let you go. Sometimes you have enough love for someone that they don't need to love you back. I was perfectly happy just having Davis in my life. I know that my son is truly happy, and so are you. That's all that matters now. (Meredith had tears in her eyes. She and Lynn had connected like she had never connected with someone in her life. She felt completely comfortable with her. Lynn made her feel better, at ease. She was now ready to start her life with Derek. She was really ready.)


	60. Chapter 60

**I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did!**

Meredith: Thank you, Lynn.

Lynn: For what?

Meredith: I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Lynn: You can't carry guilt with you like that. It isn't good. Wow, I've been here for hours. You probably want to rest.

Meredith: You're fine.

Lynn: No, you look tired, I should go.

Meredith: Where are you staying?

Lynn: At that nice hotel I stayed at last time.

Meredith: No, you should stay at our house. You would be more comfortable.

Lynn: The hotel is fine.

Meredith: No, I insist. Besides, the house needs to be lived in. I haven't been home in a week.

Lynn: Are you sure?

Meredith: Of course. I can't guarantee how clean it is. Derek has been there alone. (She chuckles.)

Lynn: Okay, if you're sure.

Meredith: (Starts to get up.) I'll get you my keys.

Lynn: I'll get them, you rest.

Meredith: I'm tired of resting. I need to walk. (She gets in her purse.) Feel free to use the Jeep. It's in the garage.

Lynn: Well, thanks. I promise I won't move furniture this time.

Meredith: Good. (She laughs.) Let's go, I'll walk with you.

Lynn: Are you supposed to be walking?

Meredith: I'm fine. (They start walking down the hall and to the elevator. Meredith is wearing clothes from home. Bailey finally let her put her own clothes on because she was tired of hearing her complain. The elevator doors open revealing Mark and Addison.)

Mark: Mom! (He hugs her.) What are you doing here?

Lynn: I came to visit Meredith. Addison, how are you?

Addison: (Hugs her.) I'm good.

Mark: How long are you in for?

Lynn: A few days, just until Derek is back.

Mark: We'll have to go to dinner someday.

Lynn: Sounds good!

Meredith: Hmm. Some friends you are! I get stuck eating this hospital crap, and you are going to have a nice dinner?

Addison: Well-

Meredith: No, no (She joked.) It's fine.

Lynn: Okay, we'll Meredith, I'll see you tomorrow.

Meredith: Can't wait. (She hugs her.)

Addison: I'll see you at home, dear.

Mark: See you. (Lynn and Addison get off of the elevator.) Hey, are you supposed to be out of your room?

Meredith: Um...Yeah. Yep, I'm walking.

Mark: Uh, no you're not. (He pushes her floor, the doors open.) Let's go. (He puts his hand behind her back and leads her down the hall.)

Meredith: Stop! Get your hands off! (She swats him.)

Mark: Bailey!

Bailey: Yeah?

Mark: We have an escapee here! Someone got out of her cage.

Meredith: Damn-it, Mark! (She punches him in the arm.)

Bailey: You are not supposed to be out of your bed! Get your ass back in there.

Mark: Oh, someone's in trouble. (He taunts her.) I'll take her back. Come one, Firecracker.

Meredith: Firecracker?

Mark: Yes. You, dear, are a firecracker!

Meredith: Oh, thanks.

Mark: Do you need anything?

Meredith: Derek.

Mark: Can't help you there.

Meredith: I didn't think so. I'm fine. I need to rest, or whatever.

Mark: Okay. See you tomorrow.

Meredith stared at the wall for a long time. She was going crazy in the hospital. She is not the type to sit around. She was used to working long hours, being on her feet. Her ass felt numb from all of the sitting. She hadn't talked to Derek. She wanted to call him. It was already midnight there. She shouldn't call. It's late. He's probably tired. She laid her head back and closed her eyes.

Cristina: So-

Meredith: (Gasps.) Shit, you scared me.

Cristina: I heard you busted out.

Meredith: No, I needed to get out of this room. I can't take it anymore. What's going on with you?

Cristina: I scrubbed in on a coronary bypass graph today.

Meredith: Bitch!

Cristina: I know.

Meredith: Was it good.

Cristina: Oh, yeah.

Meredith: Who's on call tonight?

Cristina: Izzie.

Meredith: I wish it was me. Go away. I'm tired.

Cristina: Seriously?

Meredith: Yeah. I'm tired.

Cristina: You want to call McDreamy, don't you.

Meredith: What? No! Okay, yes. I want to call Derek. It's too late there.

Cristina: Come on, this is McDreamy. He's waiting. Bye.

Meredith: Bye. (As soon as Cristina shut the door, Meredith dialed Derek's number.)

Derek: (Sleepily.) Hey.

Meredith: Were you sleeping?

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith: I'll let you go.

Derek: No, no it's okay. How are you?

Meredith: I'm good. Your mom is here. I mean not here, in town.

Derek: She is?

Meredith: You didn't know?

Derek: I had no idea. Are you okay. Is she being civil.

Meredith: She is great. (He laughs.) No, seriously. She's been great.

Derek: Good. I'm glad someone is there with you. So...what are you wearing?

Meredith: Um, pajamas. Flannel ones.

Derek: No, what are you _wearing._

Meredith: Oh! Oh...not much. Just the black lacy lingerie you like so much.

Derek: Oh really...

Meredith: What is the good doctor wearing?

Derek: Not much, not much at all. Just your warm skin against mine.

Meredith: So what would you do to me if I were there?

Derek: Oh, I would-

Meredith: Crap! (Meredith feels someone touch her arm.)

Derek: I'm that bad?

Meredith: Bailey. Here. Now. (She whispers.) Go back to sleep. I'll call you tomorrow.

Bailey: I didn't peg you as the phone sex type.

Meredith: What? No.

Bailey: Uh huh. How are you feeling, besides all hot and steamy.

Meredith: Oh, God. I'm good. I feel great.

Bailey: Tomorrow you can start walking around. Not too much! I don't need you making yourself worse.

Meredith: Fine, fine.

Bailey: Now go to sleep!

Meredith: Yes, ma'am! _Damn you._ (She closed her eyes and went to sleep. The interns came in and did rounds. Finally they brought her breakfast in. She took a bite of the eggs. Nothing changed, it was still horrible. After they left she quickly went into the bathroom and flushed the breakfast down the toilet. Bailey had been riding her about eating her food. She didn't want her off of the hospital's diet. Izzie walked in carrying a bag.)

Meredith: Thank, God! (She hands her the bag.) Triple chocolate, right?

Izzie: Of course.

Meredith: Thank you, so much! (Meredith pulls out a container or triple chocolate pancakes and syrup.) Now this, is breakfast. Yum. (George walks in.)

George: What are you eating? You can't have that!

Meredith: Seriously? I had my spleen removed. God. I'm fine, I can eat what I want!

Izzie: Seriously George. She will hurt you, seriously!

George: I'm going to go now.

Izzie: Me too.

Meredith: Okay. I'm going to eat!

Meredith ate her pancakes and then decided to go take a walk. Bailey told her not to be out of her room for more than twenty minutes. She walked around the halls. She was bored. She couldn't take it anymore. She went to the gallery. The chief was doing a bowel resection. The gallery was pretty empty. She loved watching surgeries. At least if she wasn't in there she could watch. A few hours later Alex walked in.

Alex: Bailey is going to kill your ass.

Meredith: Oh, shit.

Alex: She has had everyone looking for you. They think you left the building.

Meredith: Seriously. I am not a prisoner!

Alex: Finish watching. It's almost done, right?

Meredith: Yeah. (They finish watching.)

Alex: Okay, I will distract, you sneak back.

Meredith: Thanks. (She sneaks back into her room.)

Bailey: Where the hell have you been?

Meredith: Uh, here.

Bailey: Oh, you are a bad liar. I hate a bad liar!

Meredith: I was in the bathroom.

Bailey: I swear, I will have you restrained. I don't want you out of your bed. I will have an intern walk you. (She storms out.)

Meredith: Well, aren't you a buzz kill. (She was sitting there pouting when someone knocked on the door.) Come in.

Delivery Man: I have a delivery for Dr. Thompson.

Meredith: That's me. Who's it from?

Delivery Man: Um. Well, I can't believe I'm saying this. McDreamy?

Meredith: Oh, yay. Let me have it.

Delivery Man: Here you go.

Meredith: Thanks! Have a good day.

Delivery Man: You too.

Meredith hurriedly opens the the box. It was a whole cheesecake. New York's finest. It had a piece of ever different kind. She loved cheesecake. She knew Derek was in the conference so she couldn't call him. It was perfect. He knew her all too well. She pulled out a fork and started eating. It was so good. She had never tasted anything so good in her life. After a while George came in to check on her. She was doubled over.

George: Meredith are you okay? (She shakes her head no. He runs to get Bailey. Izzie and Alex come with her.)

Bailey: Meredith, does it hurt? (She shakes her head and grabs her stomach. Bailey starts checking her over.) You aren't running a fever. Your incision looks good. Is is cramps?

Alex: Um, Dr. Bailey?

Bailey: Not now, Karev.

Izzie: Dr. Bailey?

Bailey: What? (Izzie hold a very empty cheesecake box.) Did you eat this? (Meredith shakes her head yes.) How much.

Meredith: (Whimpers.) The whole thing.

Izzie: You ate a whole cheesecake?

Alex: Holy shit, Thompson!

Bailey: You damn pig. You ate a whole damn cheesecake. Never in my life- You are a damn stupid fool. You deserve it. I hope it was good!

Meredith: (Quietly.) It was.

----------

**Short chapter, sorry. I can't believe this is chapter 60! I was literally hoping to make it to chapter 12. That was my goal. I should have split it into two parts. Too late now. We only have 4 more episodes of Grey's left. Very depressing! Thanks for reading and all of the reviews!**


	61. Chapter 61

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith laid in her bed feeling miserable. She loved cheesecake, it was her pitfall. She was sad, she missed Derek, so she ate the whole thing. If it had been one kind, not a variety, she wouldn't have. She was laying in her bed reading, when she heard a knock on the door.

Meredith: Come in.

Lynn: How are you today?

Meredith: I'm good. Derek is heading home tonight. He should be here around 10pm.

Lynn: Good. I knew he couldn't stay away long. He is crazy about you. (Meredith smiles.) Would you like me to get you some lunch?

Meredith: No! I mean, not right now, thanks.

Lynn: I'll have you know, your house was clean.

Meredith: Really?

Lynn: Of course. I didn't raise a slob!

Meredith: Good to know. Can I ask you a question?

Lynn: Sure. Anything.

Meredith: Has Derek ever talked to you about children? Having them, I mean.

Lynn: Not really. He never said he did or didn't. He would make a great father. (Meredith's face dropped.) What's wrong?

Meredith: I don't think he wants to. I mean, I know he doesn't. He said that you "Wouldn't be too upset _when_ we didn't have kids." Not if.

Lynn: That doesn't mean- Do you want children?

Meredith: I didn't. I never did. But with Derek, I do. I really do. He just doesn't. It's fine. He is the most important thing to me. If he doesn't want children, we won't have them.

Lynn: Maybe you should talk to him.

Meredith: No. I don't want him to agree, just to make me happy. Besides we both have careers. He wants to be Chief of Surgery someday. I don't want him to have to give that up.

Lynn: You need to talk to him.

Meredith: I- (The door opened.)

Ellis: Meredith. How are you?

Meredith: Mom, this is Lynn, Derek's mom. Lynn, this is my mother, Ellis.

Ellis: Nice to meet you.

Lynn: You too.

Ellis: Now who is Derek? (Meredith felt panicked. It flashed across her face.)

Meredith: Derek Shepherd, my boyfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell you.

Ellis: The Neurosurgeon? Oh, God.

Meredith: (He face saddened.) What?

Ellis: Do you realize what you are doing?

Meredith: Yes, I love him.

Ellis: I know better than anyone. Neurosurgeon's have the biggest egos. There is no way this will last. Not to mention he will never let you blossom as a surgeon.

Meredith: Mom! (She was on the verge of tears. She loved Derek more than anything, and her mom disapproved.)

Lynn: Excuse me! My son is a good, honorable man. I do not appreciate you speaking about him like this! He and Meredith are in love.

Ellis: I don't want my daughter getting hurt. Who's going to pick up the pieces when he pushes her away?

Lynn: You don't know what they have! You just walk in here, like you own the place!

Ellis: Me? I know surgeons.

Lynn: So all surgeons are assholes?

Ellis: Well, it depends.

Lynn: If you were the only one I'd met, I'd believe it.

Meredith: (Crying.) Please stop!

Lynn: I'm sorry, dear.

Ellis: Me too. So I hear you got an OPSI?

Meredith: (Sniffling.) Yes.

Ellis: (Hugs her.) I'm sorry dear. I know, we're trying, right? I can't wait to meet him. Derek, I mean.

Meredith: Sure.

Ellis: No, really. We're all going to be a huge, happy family.

Lynn: I'll go. You probably want to visit with your mom. (Meredith gives her a 'please help me look.')

Meredith: You don't have to go.

Lynn: I'll be back later. (She hugs Meredith.)

Ellis: It was nice meeting you. (Ellis' pager goes off.) Sorry.

Meredith: It's Okay.

Ellis walks out of the room. The minute the door shuts she can here the mothers fighting. _What the hell am I going to do know? Why can't everyone just get along?_ Meredith fretted for a long time. She knew her mother said she was trying. It wasn't looking like she really was. She didn't even act happy for her. She always assumes the worst. She didn't know if she would be able to have a relationship with her. She had Derek and her friends, she didn't need her mother. She was just an extra. Meredith laid her head back and fell asleep. Izzie and George visited her throughout the day. She didn't see Cristina at all. She felt bad that her person didn't even come see her. Around seven she was sitting in her bed watching t.v. She didn't eat her dinner, it didn't even look close to appetizing. Izzie had packed her a whole bag of snacks she could eat if she got hungry. She closed her eyes, when she woke up forty five minutes later, she saw a table up with chairs, a table cloth and dinnerware. There were settings for four. She didn't know what was going on. Mark walked in wearing a nice shirt and slacks.

Mark: Hey there, Firecracker.

Meredith: What's going on? (Lynn and Addison walk in wearing gowns.)

Mark: You couldn't come to dinner, so we are bringing it to you!

Meredith: I was only kidding!

Addison: You were not!

Meredith: Okay, I wasn't.

Addison: I hope your dinner was bad. We made arrangements hoping you wouldn't eat it.

Meredith: I didn't.

Lynn: Come on, dear. Let's eat.

Meredith: It looks great!

Mark: Derek said to order you a steak with redskin mashed potatoes. We had them substitute broccoli for peas.

Meredith: Why?

Mark: Derek said you would embarrass yourself with peas.

Meredith: What?

Mark: I don't know...

Meredith: Whatever. let's eat. (They all begin eating.) It's great. So much better than what they brought me.

Lynn: I bet. So your mom...

Meredith: Yeah, sorry.

Lynn: It's not your fault.

Mark: So you met Ellis Grey?

Addison: The psychotic surgeon?

Lynn: Yes.

Meredith: Guys! We're trying.

Lynn: I'm sorry, Mer.

Meredith: It's OK. She is "Super Bitch!"

Addison: She's stone cold.

Mark: She is a great surgeon.

Lynn: She basically said my son was and asshole with a huge ego.

Mark: I'm not surprised. (The door opens.)

Cristina: Seriously? You ate a whole damn cheesecake, and you still have room for this? Hey, guys.

Meredith: Cristina! (She turns bright red.)

Cristina: What? You're a pig! Here I'll help you. (She grabs a bite of her food. Meredith smacks her hand.)

Meredith: Don't touch the food!

Cristina: Testy, are we? So you're okay? I know you're not mentally OK, Physically I mean.

Meredith: Yes. (She gives her a dirty look.)

Cristina: Fine, fine, I'll leave. (She walks out.)

Meredith: She's an acquired taste...

Mark: You ate a whole cheesecake?

Meredith: Um...

Addison: I wish I could do that. I would be huge.

Lynn: She was hungry.

Meredith: Thank you!

They finished eating their meal. The made a lot of small talk. They stayed for about an hour. Meredith was glad to get into her bed. She was tired after eating all of the food. She laid her head down and fell asleep.

Derek climbed off of the plane and grabbed a cab. He was headed to the hospital. He couldn't wait to see her. She had entwined herself into his brain. She was all he ever thought about. Every minute of every day, she was all he thought about. As he walked into the elevator, he patted his pocket. It contained the box. The box contained something very special, it was the ring. He hadn't decided on how he was going to ask, but he was definitely going to ask. When he walked in her room, he couldn't believe how good she looked. She looked one hundred percent better than she had when she left. He walked up and stroked her hair.

Meredith: (Smiles.) Hey.

Derek: Hey. (He leans in and kisses her.)

Meredith: I missed you.

Derek: I missed you too. (The kissing gets more intense.)

Meredith: Bailey needs to clear me...

Derek: For what...oh. Not yet. It's to soon.

Meredith: Seriously? I'm ready.

Derek: No your not. Besides, didn't you say that sex wasn't everything.

Meredith: I think I was out of my mind... (She pulls him into her bed. She starts unbuttoning his shirt.)

Derek: Mer-

Meredith: Shut up... (She starts kissing his chest. They don't hear the door open.)

Ellis: What the hell are you doing?

Meredith: Mom! Uh, I'd like you to meet Derek.

Ellis: First of all, Derek, what the hell do you think you are doing? Secondly, I am sure you are not cleared for this type of activity!

Meredith: Mother!

Ellis: Isn't this how I met John? Here I thought I was going to come talk to you. I thought you were lonely...

Meredith: We weren't going to have sex! I was just- Never mind! Why am I even talking to you about this? I haven't seen Derek in a few days. I would like to spend some time with him.

Ellis: You haven't seen me in years!

Meredith: Mom, he was-

Ellis: What?

Meredith: He was there for me. You weren't.

Ellis: Oh... (Her eyes welled up. She goes to leave.)

Meredith: Mom. Wait, I'm sorry.

Ellis: No, I deserved that. I will see you later. (She walks out.)

Meredith: Shit. We were trying...

Derek: You still are. This is just a small bump.

Meredith: You look tired.

Derek: I am.

Meredith: We could...

Derek: Sleep?

Meredith: Yeah, we could.

Derek: Thank God.

Derek spent every night at the hospital with Meredith. They were inseparable. He was wracking his brain on how to ask her. He wanted to be special. It needed to mean something. Meredith had no idea that he was going to ask her. She had been in the hospital for over a week. She was driving everyone crazy. They could not wait to get rid of her. Bailey said she needed to take four days off from work, then she could come back on light duty. Bailey was protective of her. She would never admit it, but she was. Tomorrow she got to go home. Derek arranged to get days off so he could be there with her. He knew she would probably try to over do things. Meredith couldn't wait until tomorrow. She couldn't wait to be in her own bed, with the man she loved.


	62. Chapter 62

Meredith: Der- Wake up, your pager is going off. (She kisses him.)

Derek: Damn-it. I haven't even been back 6 hours!

Meredith: Well, someone needs you.

Derek: I'll be back as soon as I can.

Meredith: OK.

Meredith didn't fall back asleep. Between the nerves of going home, and Derek not being in the bed, she knew it wasn't even worth the try. She turned on her bedside lamp and started reading one of the many magazines that had been brought to her. She pulled out the House and Home magazine. She started flipping through the pages. She wanted her dream home. Her house, the one she is in now, wasn't her. She didn't really want to let it go, but she didn't want to stay there either. She looked at the various pictures of houses. She loved the timber framed houses. She started thinking about her dream house. It was too soon. She loved Derek, but at this point, he was her boyfriend. She didn't want to say anything about it. It was his land. 40 acres, right by the water. She loved the property. She closed the magazine. Someday they would be to that point. At least she hoped they would. It was 4 am, the interns would be doing pre-rounds soon. She jumped out of bed and ran to the shower. She got dressed, she was ready to get the hell out of there. She was sitting in her bed when Cristina came in.

Cristina: You know, I could have rounded on someone who is going to need to be cut open today. I was nice, I picked you.

Meredith: Oh, thanks.

Cristina: Are you ready to go? You're freaking dressed. Everyone else is sleeping.

Meredith: I have to get out of here. I've been awake for hours. Can you get Bailey to round on me first?

Cristina: What's in it for me?

Meredith: I'm sure you'll think of something.

Cristina: I'm sure I will. (She laughs.) So how are you feeling and all of that shit.

Meredith: Good. Fine. Super. Whatever.

Cristina: Okay, we should be back in an hour.

Meredith: Thanks!

Meredith packed all of her things up in bags and had them all sitting next to the door. She sat there impatiently. She felt like she had to move, she had to get out. No wonder people go crazy, get cabin fever. She watched the clock, it was moving so slowly. Tick, tick, tick. She wanted to smash it. She closed her eyes. It seemed like forever, but finally they came in.

Bailey: I'd say you are ready to go.

Meredith: Yes, I am.

Izzie: You packed your bags?

George: You're dressed?

Meredith: And showered. I feel great. I feel wonderful. Everything is wonderful.

Bailey: Maybe we should do a few more tests.

Meredith: No, no more tests. I want to leave. I want to leave NOW.

Bailey: Everything looks good. I'll have them get your discharge papers ready.

Meredith: Thank you. (They begin to walk out.) Izzie.

Izzie: Yeah?

Meredith: Can you see what's going on with Derek when you get a chance? He's supposed to be off today.

Izzie: Yep, I can do that...

Meredith waited about an hour. Izzie came back and let Meredith know that Derek was pulled into emergency surgery. Meredith pouted for a minute, but she didn't care. She was getting out. Finally Bailey came back in with her papers. Alex brought a wheelchair in.

Alex: You ready?

Meredith: Hell, yeah. Let's go. (She jumped in the chair and grabbed her bags. He pushed her in the elevator and they made it to the front entrance.)

Alex: Do you have a ride?

Meredith: I don't know.

Alex: You don't know?

Meredith: I'll call for a cab. Wait, there's my Jeep. I think I have a spare key. Lois must have left it here before she left. (She jumps out of the chair.) See you later.

Alex: Bye.

Meredith: If you see Derek, let him know I left.

Alex: Okay. (He watches her tear away like she is no fire, carrying all of her belongings. He just laughs.)

Meredith never felt so good to be in her own car. She adjusted the seat and sighed. She was free, she could do whatever she wanted. She could go where ever she wanted. She decided to stop at the coffee shop. She grabbed a venti mocha latte and a chocolate chip muffin. She proceeded home. She couldn't wait to get there. She pulled into the garage and practically ran into the house. It was immaculate. Lynn had cleaned the place up. She ran her things up to her room. She jumped belly down on her bed and let out a big sigh. She was so happy to be home. She went back downstairs and and arranged her flowers in a vase. She had no idea what to do. This is just like the hospital. She looked outside, it was a nice day. A perfect day to take a walk. She walked down to the park that was down the road. She felt great, she loved being out in the fresh air. She realized just how weak she was when she finally made it to the park. She sat down on the bench and watched the squirrels. After a while she was ready to go back home. When she got back, Derek met her at the door with a stern look on his face.

Derek: Where the hell have you been?

Meredith: I went for a walk. What's the problem?

Derek: You were in the hospital for a week. You had surgery. You need to rest.

Meredith: That's why I was in the goddamn hospital! (She was already edgy. Now she was getting mad.) I rested.

Derek: Calm down. I'm just worried about you.

Meredith: I'm fine, Derek. I just need to do something. I can't sit around another day.

Derek: Well, what do you want to do?

Meredith: Let's go to the zoo.

Derek: The zoo?

Meredith: Yes, you know, the place with the animals. I love the zoo.

Derek: Okay, if that's what you want...

Meredith: Yep.

Meredith smiled all the way to the zoo. Derek was happy to be with Meredith, it didn't matter where they were going. They walked around and looked at all of the different animals. Some were pacing and acting stressed out. At that point Meredith comments on how she hated the zoo. Derek laughed at her. She said that she guessed the zoo was okay, because it did help out the endangered animals. He chuckled at her. Meredith filled up on junk food. Every time she sees something she has to get one.

Derek: You eat so much junk food. I have never seen anyone eat like you.

Meredith: Are you saying I'm a pig?

Derek: Oh, yeah, how was the cheesecake? (He busted out laughing.)

Meredith: (Her face turns green, like she feels.) It was good. Thank you. (He continues to laugh.) What?

Derek; I know.

Meredith: You _know_?

Derek: Everyone was talking about it. Mainly Karev. You ate the whole thing?

Meredith: I was sad. I don't even know how I did it. (She begins to sway, loosing her balance. She almost falls.)

Derek: You're tired, aren't you? I knew this would be too much. You have been sitting in bed for a long time.

Meredith: (Innocently.) No...I'm fine.

Derek: Yeah you are. (He says unconvinced.) Here, sit down. I'll be right back. (He comes back with a wagon.)

Meredith: You have got to be kidding me!

Derek: Unless you want to go home, get in!

Meredith: Fine! But I want cotton candy.

Derek: Alright. (He starts pulling her toward the cotton candy stand.) You're checking out my ass, aren't you.

Meredith: Maybe...

Derek: It is a nice ass.

Meredith: I know it is. I haven't seen enough of it lately. Especially in the flesh.

Derek: A visit could be arranged.

Meredith: I could deal with that!

Derek pulled Meredith all through the zoo. They had their pictures taken. Their head were in the faces of penguins. Meredith told Derek he was her penguin. She had learned that some penguins mate for life. He smiled. They both knew it was true. They were each other's mate for life. They decided to stop for dinner before heading home. They went to a new Irish pub restaurant. Derek had a beer, Meredith didn't have any alcohol. Alcohol wasn't the problem, tequila was. She used it as a cover, Instead of dealing with something she drank herself into a tequila coma. She didn't need to do that anymore. She has Derek now.

Derek: You don't want a beer?

Meredith: Nope. I'm taking a break. Especially from tequila.

Derek: That's good.

Meredith: Besides, I'm the designated driver. I need to get you drunk so I can take advantage of you.

Derek: You don't need to get me drunk to do that!

By the time they got in the door, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They barely made it to the sofa before they began stripping off each other's clothes. Derek begins unbuttoning her top, she does the same. The buttons wouldn't undo fast enough. In the heat of passion she ripped his shirt off, buttons flying everywhere. His eyes widen. He can see the look of need on her face. He begins to kiss her bare flesh. His tender lips felt so right her skin, he pulls of her bra. His lips caressed her nipples, which quickly become erect. He makes his way back up and kisses her lips. Meredith peels of her jeans and panties in one more. She straddles Derek, placing him inside her. He looks into her eyes. Eyes that he wants to look into for the rest of his life. She begins to rock slowly, her pace quickening. Her body begins to tense up, she tightens around him. Derek begins kissing her, searching her mouth with his tongue. He kisses her neck and tickles her with his tongue. She moans. She feels herself at the edge. She has to go there, her body wills it. She lets out a scream, Derek looks into her eyes and smiles at her pleasure. Her body begins to quiver. Derek climaxes with a moan. They both collapse.

Derek: Welcome home.

Meredith: It's good to be home.

Derek spent the next few days with Meredith. There were not interruptions. They had a good time, but they were both wanting to work. The hospital was their lives, well, besides each other. Meredith had to work tomorrow. Derek had a plan. He knew what he was going to do. Tomorrow would be the biggest day of his life. He was excited and nervous. He couldn't wait. They both went to bed early. He knew Meredith was going to need the sleep after all they had done today. The first half of the day was spent in their bed. Meredith woke right up when the alarm went off. She hurried into the shower and shut the door before Derek could join her. The last thing she needed to was to be late on her first day back.

Derek and Meredith drove to the hospital together. He was happy to see her so excited. She was going to make an excellent surgeon. She had the fire and the passion. At least they shared that. Being a doctor's significant other can be difficult. It can test a relationship. The long hours. They would be fine, there was no doubt about it. He was sure. Meredith happily bounced into the locker room, changing into her scrubs.

Izzie: What the hell happened to your shoulder?

Alex: Rough sex.

Cristina: I didn't peg McDreamy as a biter.

Meredith: He is now. Damn, it hurts too. (She rubs it.) I don't know what came over him.

Alex: He's marking his territory. (Izzie shoots him a look.) What? Don't think we don't do that shit!

Izzie: Seriously?

Bailey: Nice to see you back, Thompson. You are going to run labs and chart. Izzie you're with Shepherd, O'Malley you get Sloan, Yang your lucky day you get Montgomery-Sloan (She moans.) I don't want to hear it. Karev you get Burke. Let's go.

Meredith was working away running labs. Usually she would complain, but she was just happy to be back. She was even happier to see someone other than herself inhabiting the room that she had been in. She was busy doing charts when Bailey walked up.

Bailey: Let's go.

Meredith: Where?

Bailey: Mercy West. We're getting liver.

Meredith: Why are we going to get it?

Bailey: Cause I said so. VIP patient. If you don't want to go...

Meredith: No, no. I want to go.

Bailey: Good. Let's go.

Miranda and Meredith ran up to the helicopter. Meredith hadn't gone before. She was slightly nervous about getting on. She wasn't going to let Dr. Bailey know it. The ride to Mercy West was uneventful. She liked Seattle Grace much better. Something about Mercy West gave her the creeps. It was dark and dismal there. She didn't like it and she couldn't wait to get out. She was very happy to get back on the chopper. Neither she nor Bailey spoke on the way back. They were nearing Seattle Grace. Bailey looked out the window and her eyes widened.

Bailey: Thompson?

Meredith: Yes.

Bailey: I think you better take a look at this...


	63. Chapter 63

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith leaned over and looked out the window. She was in shock. A wave of panic overcame her body. She felt like the floor dropped out from underneath her. Her stomach was now in it's new home, her throat. She felt like she couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She just stared out the window for what seemed like hours. In reality it was seconds. There it was, on the roof of the hospital. Written in white. It was huge: _Meredith, Will you Marry Me?_

Bailey: Hello?

Meredith: Um, I left my coat at Mercy West. Can we go back?

Bailey: If you're going to lie, at least be good at it. You have your damn coat on!

Meredith: What do I do?

Bailey: What do you do? You have to ask?

Meredith: I, um. Oh my God!

Bailey: Do you love him?

Meredith: Of course. I do. (She felt surprised.) I do love him. I love him so much.

Bailey: There's your answer. He loves you. I know you have a brain, use it!

Meredith: It's just- I'm damaged. I'm damaged goods. I will damage him. I will poison him. I am a poisoned well. And damn-it he just insists on drinking from it!

Bailey: You are not a a poisoned well! There will be days when you will want to kill each other. There will be days when he says things, and you will cry. There will be days when you say things you regret. There will be good days. The good days make everything else worthwhile. Everyone deserves to be happy. What makes you any different. Be happy Meredith. Let yourself be happy. Now let's go. You have charts to do.

Meredith: I thought-

Bailey: What? You were going to scrub in? Uh, no. I told you what you are doing today. Get to work. (They open up the door and quickly walk out. Derek comes running up. The helicopter is loud, he has to yell. Everyone starts heading in, leaving them alone.)

Derek: (Smiling.) Meredith. The moment I saw you I knew. I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. You were the one. Every minute of everyday you are the one I think about. Music sounds sweeter now that you are in my life. Colors are brighter. My world has changed. You have made my life better. You have made me the happiest man in the world. So Meredith, will you marry me?

Meredith: _Oh my God. Is this happening? I love him. Nothing ever works out for me. I can't take this risk. I break things. I can't break him. I love him too much._ I, uh.

Derek: (He cradles her face in his hands. It starts to rain heavily.) You are the one. You are my penguin. I need you. I love you. (His face gets concerned. He can see the panic in her face.) _I screwed up. It's too soon. She's scared. What the hell was I thinking?_ Please. (He cocks his head in that McDreamy way.)

Meredith: _Screw it. You only live once. I love him._ (Bailey's words ring in her head.) Yes.

Derek: Yes?

Meredith: (Smiles. She jumps in his arms.) Yes. Yes. Yes. I will marry you, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Oh God, Meredith. I love you. (She pulls back.)

He pulls out that signature blue box with it's white ribbon out of his lab coat. He holds it out in his palm. She gently pulls the white ribbon. He opens the box revealing a beautiful ring with the traditional Tiffany setting. It was one carat, not too big, set in platinum band. Tears and rain run down her cheeks as he slides the ring on her finger. She looks down at the ring and her eyes travel up to his. She knew it was the right decision. It felt right. This was how things were supposed to be. She leaned in a kissed him. Every ounce of love she had for him was in that kiss. He felt it. It was amazing. They walk hand in hand smiling. They were dripping wet from the heavy Seattle rains. When they walk, shoes squeaking, into the hallway everyone began to clap. They had all known. Derek had planned it all. Richard was more than compliant. Generally the helicopter was not used for this, but this time, he made an exception.

Addison: Let me see it!

Meredith: See what?

Addison: The ring, silly. (Meredith extends her hand. It fits perfectly.) Oh, wow. That is gorgeous. You did good Derek. (He smiles. Everyone comes up to look at her rings.)

Derek: I'm all wet. I need dry clothes. Perhaps a shower. (He whispers.) Join me...

Meredith: I'm freezing. I need to change my scrubs.

Addison: Congratulations!

All day everyone was congratulating her, and asking to see the ring. She never remembers being this happy. She felt like she was sitting on a cloud. She had her McDreamy. The man she loved wanted to spent the rest of him life with her, and her alone. Many women in the hospital were sulking. They knew there was never a chance for them. His eyes were always for Meredith. She was always the one. He could have had anyone, he chose her. He loved her. Meredith was daydreaming when Cristina walked up.

Cristina: So he finally maned-up and asked. I was beginning to wonder.

Meredith: Yeah, he did.

Cristina: So what am I supposed to do? I'm not hugging you, I don't do that. Am I supposed to look at the ring?

Meredith: Yeah, I guess. So, here. (She shoves her hand out.)

Cristina: So that's nice...expensive. At least you can hock it, if it flops. (Meredith smacks her.) That won't happen. You guys are all happy and things, so yeah. I'm walking away. (Izzie walks up with George.)

Izzie: Let me see... Oh, that's nice. You better watch yourself. Someone might cut off your finger for that sucker. Look how clear it is...

Meredith: Thanks. It's, a... ring. (The ring didn't matter to her. It was what it meant. He could have given her one out of the gum ball machine.)

George: I'm happy for you, Meredith.

Meredith: Thanks, George.

Izzie: I think some of the nurses are planning on kidnapping you.

Meredith: Good to know.

Izzie: Congratulations! (She and George walk away.) I'm sorry George.

George: For what?

Izzie: I know how you feel about her.

George: Yeah, well. Sometimes the feelings aren't returned.

Meredith found her way to the gallery. Derek was in surgery. She liked watching him work. He was so focused, so good. He was everything she wanted to be as a surgeon. There were some nurses in the back. She could here them whispering. She didn't care. He was hers, what they said didn't matter. Derek glanced up at the gallery. Their eyes met. He smiled and winked at her. She smiled back.

At the end of their shift Derek announced that they were going to dinner. Somewhere nice. He had made reservations. They walked out of the hospital hand in hand. She wasn't the touchy feel-y kind of person. She was learning. Derek was teaching her. He had no problem with affection. They didn't talk much in the car, on their way home. They didn't need to, they didn't need to speak to communicate. Meredith never believed in that until she met Derek. They pulled into the driveway and headed upstairs to get ready. They showered together, for the second time today. He didn't try anything. He wanted to, but he didn't want to be late. Meredith put on her dress and began doing her hair. He sat in the chair and watched. He couldn't believe this was happening. It was amazing. He just stared at her. In his eyes, she was perfect. There was no damage, no scars, no pain. Just the perfect woman.

Meredith: Why are you watching me?

Derek: I love to watch you. You amaze me.

Meredith: Do I?

Derek: Yes. You are strong willed, and kind and the most balls-y person I have ever met.

Meredith: Balls-y, huh?

Derek: Yes.

Meredith: Do we have room, for all of these balls.

Derek: I think so.

Meredith: Good!

They arrived at the restaurant. It was perfect. It was quaint, and quiet. Derek ordered a bottle of wine. It was perfect. She wasn't a fan of expensive restaurants and candle-lit meals, but tonight, it was perfect. The waiter brought a basket full of carbs.

Waiter: Can I interest you in an appetizer?

Derek: We'll have the smoked salmon salad with hearts of palm and white sturgeon caviar.

Waiter: Right away.

Meredith: I've never had caviar.

Derek: Really?

Meredith: John did, all of the time. He wanted me to try it. I wouldn't, he wanted me to too badly. I will for you.

Derek: Good. (The waiter brought the appetizer.) So what do you think?

Meredith: It's, uh, okay...

Derek: (Smiled.) At least you tried it. (They finished their appetizer.)

Waiter: Are you ready to order?

Meredith: Yes, I'll have the lobster and crab with parsnip and spinach and truffle.

Derek: I'll have the roasted pheasant with baby carrot, lentil and rosemary sauce.

Waiter: Very well.

Meredith: You realize we could have eaten in the hospital cafeteria and I would have been happy.

Derek: I know. (They finished their dinner and were heading home.)

Meredith: Let's stop at Joe's.

Derek: What?

Meredith: We need to tell Joe. You know, that is where you saved me. Remember? Besides, I hear you are an excellent pool player.

Derek: You want to play pool?

Meredith: Sure!

When they walked into Joe's, everyone clapped. All of the interns were there sitting on their respective perches. Derek ordered a scotch, Meredith had a beer. The looked out of place. Meredith was in a nice gown, Derek in a suit, and they were at Joe's.

Joe: Congratulations! These are on the house.

Derek: Thanks.

Joe: I always knew it would happen.

Derek: So did I.

Meredith: So, Dr. Shepherd, how would you like to teach me to play pool?

Derek: Let's go.

Meredith: I really don't need to be taught. I can play.

Derek: Can you really?

Meredith: I can...

Derek: So how would you like to make a friendly wager?

Meredith: Oh, you'll probably win. (She said innocently.)

Derek: Okay, If I win, all the sex I want for a week.

Meredith: Fine, if I win, I get to scrub in on any of your surgeries I want.

Derek: That's it?

Meredith: And you rub my feet, whenever I want.

Derek: Fine. Two out of three.

They played their first game. Meredith lost horribly on purpose. She wanted him to be confident so she could knock him down a few pegs. Then they began the second game. Meredith was good. She played a lot when she was younger. She and John's friend had a pool table. They were always hanging out playing pool. Derek realized he was in trouble. She kicked his butt. Everyone was watching. There was a lot of trash talk going on. She won two out of three.

Meredith: Okay. I totally kicked your ass!

Derek: You led me on.

Meredith: Maybe I did... So rub my feet.

Derek: Here? Right now? (A look of panic ran across his face,)

Meredith: Yeah, of course! (She sits done. He gets on his knees.) Get up!

Derek: What?

Meredith: Do you actually think- I would never do that to you. Let's go home.

Derek: (Shakes his head. She had him by the balls and he knew it.) Let's go home...

Meredith: (They walked through the door at Joe's, and got in the car. She looked over at him.) Take me for a ride, Derek.


	64. Chapter 64

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith: Now that was a good ride!

Derek: Ahh, yes. (He turns on the car's defroster.) Now we must clear off these windows before I can drive home.

Meredith: Thanks for the dinner and bringing me to Joe's.

Derek: You don't have to say thank you. So how did you learn to play pool?

Meredith: My friend Mutt, well John's friend, he had a pool table. We used to hang out there and play all of the time. I got good, really good. I haven't played in a very long time.

Derek: It was very sneaky. I'm glad I didn't wager more.

Meredith: I bet you are. (They pull into their gated community.) I hate it here.

Derek: Where, Seattle? I thought you loved Seattle.

Meredith: Not here. _Here_! This house, this community. I don't fit in, and I don't want to. I don't know any of the neighbors. I just hate it.

Derek: Let's move.

Meredith: Really?

Derek: Really.

Meredith: Where?

Derek: Wherever you want.

Meredith: Okay. (They pull into the garage.)

Derek: So did you have a good time?

Meredith: I did. I really did. I'm ready for dessert.

Derek: Ahh, I can arrange that.

Meredith: No, not that. We just did that. I mean dessert, like cakes, cookies, ice cream, you know.

Derek: Oh, _that _dessert. That one is unhealthy, mine is good, very good. Fun exercise.

Meredith: Maybe I want both. (She pulls out a carton of espresso chip ice cream and a coke.) I am have a float. What one?

Derek: Uh, no. (He wrinkles his nose.)

Meredith: Come on, try it.

Derek: No thanks!

Meredith: Come on... (She shoves the spoon in his mouth.)

Derek: That isn't half bad.

Meredith: Want one?

Derek: Nope, I'm good. (He watches her quickly drink it up.)

Meredith: Come on. (She leads him upstairs. She runs the water in the bathtub.) Take a bath with me. (They climb in the bathtub.)

Derek: I like being in your tub.

Meredith: I like you in my tub. Our new house, it needs a big bathtub.

Derek: I agree with you there. So do you have an idea?

Meredith: What?

Derek: Have you been looking? Do you have one in mind?

Meredith: Well, I was thinking about the land. I think we should build a house on the land.

Derek: Oh... (He had s sound of shock and disappointment in his voice.)

Meredith: What?

Derek: It's nothing. I just- Never mind.

Meredith: No, not never mind. What is it? I thought we were communicating or whatever.

Derek: I'm not sure. Well, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my land.

Meredith: Oh. (Her face drops.) I'm sorry. It's _your_ land. It's up to _you_ what _you_ want to do with it. You know, I'm actually pretty tired. (She climbs out of the tub and wraps herself with a towel.)

Derek: Meredith, wait.

Meredith: No. It's okay. Enjoy your bath, in _our _bathtub. I can share. (She dries off, throws a t-shirt on and climbs into bed, facing her bedside table. Derek quickly joined her.)

Derek: Meredith, I'm sorry. It didn't come out the way it was supposed to. I didn't mean it that way.

Meredith: It's already starting. Damn-it. (She starts to cry quietly. She doesn't want him too know.)

Derek: What's starting?

Meredith: The fighting.

Derek: We're not fighting! Meredith. (He rolls her over.) Oh Meredith. Don't cry. (He wipes her tears with his thumb.) I'm sorry. I didn't realize you wanted to build a house on the land. I want to build a house in the land. I want a home, with you.

Meredith: Really?

Derek: Really. So what kind of house are you wanting to build?

Meredith: I like the timber framed houses.

Derek: Now a timber framed house would be nice. By the water. It would be perfect.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: I love you.

Derek: I love you too. (She lays her head on his chest and falls asleep.)

Meredith and Derek have been inseparable for over a week. Meredith is happy to be back to work. She has already scrubbed in on two of Derek's surgeries, per their bet. Cristina has been a little jealous, although she won't admit. She feels like her person doesn't have any time for her. Meredith is eating lunch in the cafeteria by herself when Cristina walks up.

Cristina: So how did you ditch McDreamy?

Meredith: He's in surgery.

Cristina: Thank God.

Meredith: Why?

Cristina: Aren't you tired of him hanging around you?

Meredith: It's actually kind of nice.

Cristina: You're kidding me, right? You aren't that person.

Meredith: What person?

Cristina: _That_ person. The one that's all touchy feel-y, hug-y kiss-y.

Meredith: Maybe I am...

Cristina: Okay...

Meredith: Are you jealous?

Cristina: I don't get jealous!

Meredith: Now who's lying?

Cristina: Crap.

Meredith: What?

Cristina: Here he comes... (Derek walks up behind her and kisses her on the neck.)

Derek: Hey. How is my soon-to-be-wife?

Meredith: I'm fine. Good. I scrubbed in on an esophageal hernia this morning.

Cristina: I have to go.

Meredith: Bye. (She leaves with a huff.)

Derek: What's wrong with her?

Meredith: She's jealous. Of you.

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Yep.

Derek: Hmm. (Addison and Mark walk up.)

Addison: Hey guys.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Good afternoon.

Mark: So what's going on?

Derek: Not much.

Addison: So...when's the big day?

Meredith: What day?

Derek: (Chuckles.) The big day.

Meredith: Oh, that one. I haven't thought about it.

Mark: That's uh- You are a woman, right? Addison had everything picked out in the first week. It all changed a thousand times, but she was into it. And you're...not.

Meredith: I'm into it.

Derek: She's taking her time.

Meredith: Yes, I'm taking my time. (Her pager goes off.) _Thank God!_ (She runs off.)

Mark: She's taking time?

Addison: Not everyone gets into it like I did.

Derek: She hasn't said anything. At all.

Addison: She will.

Derek: I did the right thing, right?

Addison: Of course you did.

Mark: Maybe not.

Derek: She wouldn't have said yes, right. She isn't the type to- She's not a pushover.

Mark: Are you second guessing yourself? Derek Shepherd doesn't second guess.

Addison: Yes, but you've never seen Derek Shepherd in love...

Mark: That may be. (Derek is deep in thought.)

Addison: Derek. Derek!

Derek: Uh, what?

Addison: You did the right thing.

Mark: She's happy with you, man.

Derek: I hope she is...

Meredith worked later than Derek. Derek took the car home. Meredith got off around midnight. She was getting ready to call for a cab when George walked up. He offered her a ride. His apartment with Izzie was the opposite direction, but he wanted to take her home. The climb into George's car. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. It was a strangely awkward silence.

George: So, did you get any good surgeries today?

Meredith: Yeah. I scrubbed in on an esophageal hernia. It was pretty good.

George: I was in the pit all day.

Meredith: Oh, yay.

George: No kidding. (They were both silent for a while.) Are you happy?

Meredith: What? Yes. Why would you ask?

George: I care about you, Meredith. You should be happy.

Meredith: I am. I love Derek.

George: That's good.

Meredith: So you and Callie?

George: Yeah. It's strange. On again, off again. I don't know if I love her.

Meredith: You don't?

George: I will, right?

Meredith: George, I've been there. It's no way to live. I can't tell you.

George: She's it. It's just her. There's no one else. Not anymore.

Meredith: What's that mean?

George: Oh nothing. (They pull into her driveway.)

Meredith: Thanks for the ride George.

George: See you tomorrow.

Meredith was exhausted. She needed to take a shower. She didn't feel like she even had the energy to open the shower door. The room was quiet. She had the feeling that Derek wasn't sleeping. She didn't want to wake him up if he was. She fumbled to the bathroom, stubbing her toe on the door frame. She quietly cursed a great many expletives, before getting in the shower. The warm water felt great. She sat down in the shower letting the hot water run down her aching body. She slowly closed her eyes, falling asleep. She woke up after a while. The water was freezing cold. Her whole body trembled. The chills taking over. She dried off her body and ran to bed. She had to get under the covers, next to Derek's warm body.

Derek: Shit, Meredith.

Meredith: Hmm. (She was half asleep before she even made it to the bed.)

Derek: You are freezing.

Meredith: I fell asleep in the shower.

Derek: Again?

Meredith: I'm exhausted.

Derek: You are working too hard.

Meredith: I'm an intern. I have to.

Derek: That may be. Come here. (He pulls her cold body up against his. The warmth had her asleep within minutes.) I love you. (He waited for a response, he knew she was out like a light.)


	65. Chapter 65

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek pulled himself away from Meredith. He didn't want to wake her. He put his pillow where his body was. He felt sorry for her. She was tired. She had been working long hours at the hospital, and was on-call a lot lately. She was not getting regular sleep. It's what she wanted. She wanted to be the best. You have to work hard, if you want to be the best. He knew she didn't have to work until eleven, so he set the alarm clock for her, kissed her on the forehead and left. The crazy hours were taking their toll. He wasn't getting to spend as much time as he would like with her. He knew it would just get worse. Someday he wanted to be chief of surgery. He would never see her then. Meredith awoke at seven in the morning her her phone ringing. She rolled over with a groan.

Meredith: (Groggily.) Hello?

Ellis: Meredith, it's your mother.

Meredith: Yeah, mom.

Ellis: How would you like to meet me for breakfast?

Meredith: (She wanted to say no. She wanted to continue sleeping. She had brushed her off a lot lately. The guilt took over.) Sure.

Ellis: How about the cafe on the corner, by the hospital?

Meredith: Fine.

Ellis: I will see you around nine, then.

Meredith: Okay.

Meredith looked over at the clock. It was just after nine. She could get more sleep. She rolled over and covered her head. She was practically comatose. The phone rang and her head shot up. It was her mom. It was ten after nine. She hadn't woken up.

Meredith: Hello?

Ellis: Did you stand me up?

Meredith: No, no. Of course not. My neighbor was talking to me about her flowers.

Ellis: Oh how lame. Like we have time for flowers. We're surgeons! So you're on your way?

Meredith: I'll be there in a minute.

Meredith jumped out of bed and grabbed her favorite pair of jeans, and a clean long sleeved shirt. She want in the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She couldn't believe she had over slept. Her body wasn't ready to be awake. It was going in slow motion. She grabbed the first pair of shoes she could find and jumped in her car. She arrived at the cafe at eleven. Her mom looked at her with shock.

Ellis: Meredith. You look terrible.

Meredith: Thanks, mom.

Ellis: Did you even brush your hair?

Meredith: Crap. (She pulls a brush out and starts ripping through her hair.)

Ellis: Not at the table! I swear, you are just like your father!

Meredith: I wouldn't know.

Ellis: (She brushes off that comment.) You need to suck it up. Internship is hard. The weak don't succeed. You need to work harder.

Meredith: I am working hard.

Ellis: Okay. You will find out. (Their food comes. Meredith reaches for the salt.) So there's the ring.

Meredith: Oh, yeah. (She puts her hand out.)

Ellis: It's nice. You know what is really nice? Finding out that your daughter is getting married, by a nurse!

Meredith: Mom. I'm sorry. I've been so busy.

Ellis: Too busy to pick up the phone?

Meredith: I'm sorry.

Ellis: I'm happy for you. If you love him, that's good. I love Richard. I have loved Richard forever. He means the world to me. I'm happy. I know-

Meredith: Are you sure? That you love him? Is he okay? He left his wife for you. What if he regrets that?

Ellis: Meredith. I lived unhappily with your father for years. You don't know what it's like to stay with someone you don't love! You don't know what it's like to want something more, someone else.

Meredith: Yes, I do. I do know. You should know that better than anyone. Remember John?

Ellis: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I should have never pressured you into marrying him.

Meredith: Pressure? That would have been okay, you forced me! The only good thing that came from that was Derek. It was all worth it, because I met Derek.

Ellis: I sorry, Meredith.

Meredith: I'm tired of it. All we ever say to each other is "I'm sorry". No more I'm sorry. If this is going to work, we can't talk about the past. It's the past. Everything has to be left here at this table. We can't keep doing this!

Ellis: I'm sorry, dear. You're right. I have to get out of the past. I have to let it go.

Meredith: I do too. I'm angry. I can't lie. I am. I have problems. I will never be normal, I'm trying, but it will never happen. So, I'm letting it go. Right now.

Ellis: Your father was a- I'm sorry.

Meredith: There it is again! Damn-it, mom. Just stop. We are starting fresh.

Ellis: Okay. Starting fresh. No talk about the past.

Meredith: Good.

Ellis: Derek, he seems like a good guy.

Meredith: He is. He is amazing. He is everything to me. I'm trying to make it work. I really am.

Ellis: You aren't as damaged as you think, Meredith. You are an amazing woman.

Meredith: Thank you, Mom.

Ellis: I have surgery in a hour. I have to go. I had a good time.

Meredith: Me too.

Meredith worked an eighteen hours shift. She only saw Derek twice. They didn''t get a chance to talk. She was so tired at the end of her shift she didn't know if it was safe to drive home. She called a cab. She went outside on the bench and waited. Not long after she sat down, her head dropped. She was asleep. Luckily the cab driver yelled out to her. She jumped up and climbed in the cab. She gave the cab driver directions. The front lights were on. She had to go in the front door, she didn't have a garage door opener. It felt strange going into the house through the front. She looked at the stairs. She knew she didn't have the energy to make it up them. She walked over and collapsed on the sofa, thanking God that she had tomorrow off.

Derek woke up at seven. He had surgery scheduled for nine. He rolled over, missing Meredith. He climbed in the shower. He wished she was there. He figured she must not have come home. She had worked so many hours. He walked out of the shower, got dressed, did his hair and walked downstairs. His face dropped when he saw her. She was face down on the sofa. It was just like she walked over and passed out. He rubbed her head. She didn't move. She was breathing. He knew she would regret sleeping on the sofa. He cradled her up and carried her upstairs, removing her shoes and covering her up.

Meredith awoke at nine in the morning. The phone was ringing. She wasn't sure how she even got home. She didn't remember driving home. The phone rang again. She didn't want to answer it. She was tired, and angry. She wanted to throw it against the wall. She wanted to jump through the phone and choke the caller. Finally she decided to answer it.

Meredith: HELLO? (She was mad. She wanted the caller to know.)

Chris: Meredith? It's Chris, John's friend.

Meredith: Yes, do you _need_ something?

Chris: I'm sorry to bother you.

Meredith: What is it that you need?

Chris: I wanted to let you know that the jury is out. I don't know what's going to happen.

Meredith: Okay.

Chris: He was a friend. I did the best I could. If you had testified, we would have had a better chance. I think we could have won. Now that rotten son-of-a-bitch may walk.

Meredith: Are you saying that if he walks, it's my fault?

Chris: You could have helped the case. You could have helped send him to prison. He may walk. You could have done it for your husband. He was my friend. I know you and Ray had a past. You could have been here. You should have done more.

Meredith: Fuck you!

She slams the phone down. She was edgy, and tired. Now she was angry. How could he say that? What she went through was hard. She didn't want to tell a courtroom of strangers about her past. She didn't want to be vulnerable. Besides, what did she have to do with him killing John? She had everything to do with it. John wasn't some random guy that Ray killed. It was her fault. Damn-it, it was her fault. She had been doing so good. She was finally happy. Maybe she wasn't meant to be happy. She started crying. So much for sleep. Her body ached. Her muscles weren't working correctly. Her brain could barely control her body. She made it down the stairs, through the kitchen and to the next set of stairs. It mocked her. She missed it. It missed her. She sat down at her bar. She placed her best friend in front of her. Tequila was her friend. She wanted it, she needed it.


	66. Chapter 66

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

It was all too much for her to take. The minute she is happy, it's ripped away from her. Her candy is always taken, the steamroller persists. _Does everyone wonder why I didn't go to the trial?_ _Am I a bad person? Maybe I really am just a selfish, adulterous whore. It fits. Yep, it's perfect. A whore. I married John, I vowed I would never do to him what he did to me. I cheated, he's dead, and even in death, I hurt him. Maybe I really am a poisoned well._ She stares at the bottle of tequila. She wants to quaff it. She wants to feel the burning poison run down the back of her throat. She wants to feel the calmness before the dark that captures her body. She could never deal with things, she knew that. She didn't know how to deal. Why would you want to? It's easier to just fall into the blackness that is tequila. She stares at the bottle. For some reason she can't. _I can, this is what I do._ She uncaps the bottle. She stares at it. Did she think it would bite? It always bites. All of a sudden Derek flashes in her head. She saw his sad face. She remembered him worrying after their fight. She remembered telling him she didn't need tequila, just him. Maybe she didn't need tequila. Maybe is was just him that she needed. Maybe, maybe not.

::Earlier::

Derek drove to hospital quietly. He felt guilty. He wasn't exhausted. He was getting a good night's sleep every night. He knew the other interns were going through the same thing. It wasn't the same, she was an emotional wreck. She had been working hard, picking up extra shifts. Had he pushed her over the edge? He wasn't going to pressure her about the wedding. If he had to wait ten years for her to plan it, he would. As he walked into the elevator, he met up with Dr. Bailey.

Derek: Dr. Bailey. (He nods.)

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Do you know what time Meredith got off last night?

Bailey: Oh, about five or so.

Derek: She worked an eighteen hour shift?

Bailey: We do it all the time...

Derek: It's-

Bailey: She is an intern. She has to do it! I don't give her harsher treatment than the others. I'm sure as hell not going to go soft on her either. She can handle it, or she won't make it! (She walks out of the elevator. Derek heads to the board. He has three surgeries.)

Derek had Izzie scrub in on his first surgery with him. It was a fairly simple surgery. They were in the operating room. He had the skull flap open. He decided to ask her if she knew anything about Meredith. She had been throwing herself into work, and he knew it.

Derek: So, Dr. Stevens, are the long hours getting to you this week?

Izzie: Not really. I haven't been scheduled in too much. I haven't been on call in nine days.

Derek: Really? So Meredith- Okay, she's exhausted. You are her friend. Do you know what is going on?

Izzie: Mer has been working a lot of hours. She has been getting all of the good surgeries. The long ones. She seems okay. She hasn't said anything. She seems happy. Just tired.

Derek: That's good. I worry. She doesn't talk, you know?

Izzie: Yeah, that's Mer for you.

Derek: Okay, close him. Stevens, prep our next patient, I don't want to be here all night.

Izzie: Right away.

Derek was scrubbed out and was heading down the hallway. He heard his name. He was being paged to the nurses station. He wondered what was going on. She shrugged it off and headed down there.

Derek: I was paged?

Nurse: Yes. Dr. Thompson called. She sounded upset.

Derek: Did she say anything?

Nurse: She said not to bother you if you were busy.

Derek: Okay, thanks. (He immediately pulled out his cellphone. He knows Meredith. She wouldn't call for no reason.)

Meredith: Derek, I need you.

Derek: What's wrong?

Meredith: It's too much.

Derek: Are you okay? Are you hurt?

Meredith: I'm not hurt. I just, hurt.

Derek: I'm on my way. (He hangs up. He says to the nurse:) Cancel my next surgery. I have to go.

Nurse: But Dr. Shepherd...

Derek: Cancel it, or find someone else!

She did the right thing. She knew it. She wanted the tequila so bad. It wasn't worth it. Derek would be here. He would help her. She needed him. She felt like the darkness was going to swallow her whole.

Derek drove home quickly. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew she was upset. Her voice was shaky. Her voice was never shaky. Everyone seemed to be driving so slowly. He didn't even change his clothes. He was still in his scrubs, and his lab coat. He didn't care. She needed him, and he was going to be there, period. He quickly parked in the garage and called out her name. There was no answer. He ran around the house calling her name. He cursed this over-sized house. He was running frantically. Finally he made it to the basement. There she was sitting at the bar, in the dark. He didn't call her name. She was just sitting there. Staring at the bottle. It was full, she hadn't drank any. A wave of relief washed over his body. She didn't drink. She called him. _She called him._ This was monumental.

Derek: Meredith... (He walks over to her and wraps his arms around her.) Meredith. What's the matter, baby?

Meredith: (Her eyes well up, her lip quivers.) He...It's...oh God Derek. (She sobs. He picks her up and carries her to a chair, cradling her.)

Derek: It's okay. I'm here, everything is fine.

Meredith: Chris, the attorney called. (She begins to speak inaudibly, and she sobs. He just holds her. She needed to just know he was there. After about twenty minutes she starts again.) He said it's my fault. If Ray isn't convicted it's my fault. He's right I should have been there. I could have testified. I chose not to. (She sobs.)

Derek: No, Meredith. It is not your fault. You couldn't do it. It's not your fault. They couldn't expect you to sit on the stand and pour out you secrets. Look at me. (She does.) It is not your fault. Whatever happens is meant to be. You have no control. Do you hear me?

Meredith: Yes. (He looks at her. She looks terrible. Her eyes are red and puffy. She had huge bags under them. She is pale. His heart ached for her.) I'm so tired Derek. I feel like I can't go on. I have missed out on days. I don't even know what had happened the past few days. It scares me. I don't even know how I got home.

Derek: What time did you get up?

Meredith: Nine, I think.

Derek: He called you at nine, and woke you up?

Meredith: Yes.

Derek: Let's go to bed. (He was pissed. He was going to call Chris and give him a piece of his mind. How dare he do this to Meredith. His Meredith. No wonder she was tired.)

Meredith: You have to work...

Derek: No. I have to sleep, with you. (He carries her up to their bed. She was still in the same clothes. He helps her out of her dirty clothes. She was too tired to bathe. He laid her down in the bed, pulling her close to his body.)

Derek: Thank you.

Meredith: For what?

Derek: For calling me. (She lays her head on his chest. His eyes welled up. It made him so happy to know that she trusted him, that she needed him.) I love you.

Meredith: I love you too.

Derek laid there with Meredith in his arms. She opened up, she let him in. He couldn't get over it. He was on cloud nine. He was upset that Chris had spoken to her like that. He felt terrible that she was going through all of this turmoil. At the same time he was overjoyed. He watched her breath in and out. She was so peaceful. She was perfect. How he ever got his clumsy, messy, beautiful, perfect intern to agree to marry him was a mystery. She and her tiny, ineffectual fists, and ballsy attitude. She made him proud. He was lost in thought when he heard his pager go off. It was the chief. He knew the Chief had to be angry with him. He softly climbed out of bed. He didn't want to wake her. He called the Chief.

Chief: Hello?

Derek: Richard.

Chief: Where the hell are you?

Derek: I'm at home. It's Meredith.

Chief: You left your patient.

Derek: I know. I'm sorry. It's the trial. Ray's trial.

Chief: That is no reason-

Derek: She is everything to me. I am not going to brush her off. She is more important than the hospital.

Chief: I understand. If you had come to talk to me, it would have been different.

Derek: There was no time. She would kill me of she found out that I told you, but she's exhausted.

Chief: How many hours did she work this week?

Derek: I have no idea.

Chief: (He looks up her hours.) Wow, she should be! She worked over a hundred hours. I don't know how she ever got away with this. She needs to take tomorrow off. And you-

Derek: I-

Chief: I expect you here tomorrow morning. Take the rest of the day off.

Derek: Okay.

Chief: Oh, Derek...

Derek: Yes?

Chief: Take care of her. She's been through a lot.

Derek: I will. See you tomorrow.

Chief: Okay. (Derek hangs up the phone and grabs Meredith's cell phone. He finds Chris' number. He grabs his own phone and dials Chris' cell phone number.)

Chris: Chris Donaldson here.

Derek: This is Derek Shepherd.

Chris: Meredith Thompson's, friend? How can I help you?

Derek: You listen, and you listen good. You will never call Meredith and speak to her in that manner again, do you understand me? She is an emotional wreck over all of this, and you nearly pushed her over the edge. Your behavior was was unprofessional and inexcusable.

Chris: (In shock.) I apologize. This case-

Derek: What did you not understand about inexcusable? I trust it will not happen again. (He hangs up. He wanted to beat the shit out of him. He was going to curse at him, call him every name in the book. He was sure that what he said would affect him more than if he had done that.)

Derek makes his way back upstairs. He's not tired, but he wants to spend time with Meredith, even if she is asleep. As soon and he lays his body down, Meredith clings to him like a magnet. All he can do is smile. Derek laid there for several hours before decided to make some dinner. He wasn't sure that she would wake up, or want to eat, but if she did, he wanted it to be ready. He looked in the cabinets and refrigerator. They didn't really have much, they had both been working so much. He decided to make roast chicken. Dinner was almost done and Derek was making a salad when Meredith walked down the stairs.

Meredith: Something smells good.

Derek: Good afternoon, sleepy head. How do you feel?

Meredith: A lot better. So what are you making?

Derek: Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and salad.

Meredith: Mmm. I can't wait, I'm starving.

Derek: Good. (He started setting the table.) You sit down.

Meredith: I can help.

Derek: You need to relax.

Meredith: Fine.

The dinner was good. Meredith hadn't had a good meal in a while. She was happy that Derek could cook. If he couldn't, they were in trouble. Derek finished before her and ran upstairs. After a few minutes he came back down and started clearing the table.

Derek: Go upstairs, I started you a bath.

Meredith: You did?

Derek: Yes, I did.

Meredith: Are you going to join me.

Derek: I think you know what happens when I join you...

Meredith: And that's a bad thing why?

Derek: As much as I want to join you, you need to rest. So get up there.

Meredith: Okay, okay.

Her room what somewhat dark. When she turned into the bathroom it was nice and warm. Derek had lit candles. It looked so realizing. She slowly peeled of her dirty clothes and lowered her tired, aching body into the water. It felt so good. She laid there for an hour, just letting the warmth penetrate her body. When she got out, Derek had pulled the blankets back and he was laying in the bed, reading a book. She climbed in next to him laying her head against him.

Meredith: I am so lucky to have you.

Derek: No, I'm the lucky one.

--------------------

**Tomorrow is a sad day. It's Derek's last day on my calendar. Why the hell does February have to be so short? Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I hope it still has your interest!**


	67. Chapter 67

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Several weeks have gone by since Meredith's near breakdown. She is doing better emotionally. Derek has been her rock. They have both been working better schedules, and have had time to spend with each other. Meredith is finally getting some sleep. All of the interns are in the locker room. Meredith opens her locker, finding several brochures, books, and pamphlets on timber framed houses. She smiles.

Izzie: Mer, are you meeting us at Joe's tonight?

Meredith: I can't.

Cristina: I'm sure she has something to do with her precious McDreamy.

Meredith: Cristina...

Alex: Someone's jealous!

George: This is scary. Cristina. Jealous. You better watch Dr. Shepherd, she might put a hit out on him.

Cristina: I don't get jealous.

Izzie: You are so jealous.

Cristina: You know what- Whatever. Never mind.

Meredith: Cristina, it's just-

Cristina: No. I'm not jealous, okay. What do I have to be jealous over?

Alex: Shepherd. (Dr. Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: I'm tired, so don't piss me off. Assignments: Yang- Montgomery-Sloan, O'Malley- Shepherd, Karev- Burke, Stevens- Sloan. Thompson- Torres needs you. (She hears them protest.) What did I just tell you? Shut your damn mouths!

Meredith walked around looking for Callie. Derek of course found her first. He pulled her into a supply room. Taking advantage of her until she protested. She knew Callie can be pretty nasty if you ticked her off. She didn't want to get stuck with a nasty resident for the day. Derek put on his best pout face and let her go, reminding her that they had dinner plans at the bistro down the street. Meredith ran off, finally finding Dr. Torres.

Meredith: Dr. Torres.

Callie: Where have you been?

Meredith: I was looking for you.

Callie: Really? So that would explain why you were in the supply closet with your boyfriend, right? (Meredith didn't answer.) Our patient has and osteo-sarcoma in his femur. We are going to try and remove as much of the tumor as possible.

Meredith: Okay.

Callie: I need him prepped for surgery in an hour.

Meredith: Okay.

Callie: Thompson, please stop saying 'okay'.

Meredith: Ok- right. Yes.

Meredith and Callie are scrubbed in. Callie has the leg open. She is showing Meredith the osteo-sarcoma, which is huge. They are going to remove as much as possible, but it looks pretty aggressive.

Callie: So when is the big day?

Meredith: (This time she knew what she was talking about. Every other person in the hospital has been asking her. If she hears it one more time she is going to snap.) I don't know. I haven't thought about it.

Callie: You should be. This is a big deal! You should be excited.

Meredith: (She was surprised that Callie had so much enthusiasm about it.) I am excited.

Callie: You don't look it. You know, when I was in high school, I had everything planned. The dress, cake, the ring. Just not the man. Maybe George is that guy.

Meredith: George is a good guy. (She felt bad. She knew that George didn't love Callie. Not yet, at least.)

Callie: He is. So I'm thinking light green.

Meredith: What?

Callie: Your bridesmaid's dresses. Hey, if you don't want to plan. I will. You can't leave him waiting forever.

Meredith: I'm not a fan of light green. I like dark blue.

Callie: That's so somber.

Meredith: I don't want to torture my friends with bad dresses.

Callie: How soon were you thinking?

Meredith: I don't know. I haven't had time. Sometime, soonish.

Callie: Soonish?

Meredith: Yes, soonish.

Callie: The way these nurses are around here, I wouldn't leave him hanging long.

Meredith: Thanks. I'll watch them. (She smiles.)

They scrub out. Meredith is slightly unnerved after her conversation with Callie. Maybe she should put some more effort into it. She wasn't sure where to start. She had never done this. Her mom and Lois had pretty much planned her wedding with John. Cristina was her person, and she wasn't really being too friendly these days. She could tell that Cristina really was jealous. Meredith would love to tease her about it, but she knew Cristina would deny it. She actually felt a little bad about it, everyone was pulling her in different directions. Meredith scrubbed in on another surgery with Callie. They fixed a fracture in the tibia. It was a total mess. Meredith was thankful that Callie didn't say anything more about the wedding. Meredith's shift was almost over, she went in to check on the patient with the osteo-sarcoma.

Meredith: Mr. Dawson, how are you feeling?

Dawson: Okay.

Meredith: Any pain?

Mrs. Dawson: I just asked him. He said he was okay. You are awfully young. You must be smart. I'm sorry I ramble when I'm nervous. Oh, oh. (She turns the t.v. up.) Have you been following this?

Meredith: What? (Meredith's face drops. She listens to the t.v.)

Reporter: ..._We are standing outside of the court house. The verdict has just been read...Ray Jenson, accused of murdering attorney Jonathan Thompson has been found guilty on all counts...Once again Ray Jenson has been convicted of second degree murder..._

Meredith felt her chest tighten up. Was this good, was this bad? She dropped the patients chart. She has to get out of there. She wasn't sure what to do. Derek was still in surgery. She needed to get out of the hospital, and she didn't want to go home. She hadn't seen the news or paper in weeks, she had no idea it had been publicized. She quickly went to the locker room. Izzie and George were in there. She heard them talking, but it didn't register. She didn't acknowledge them. She was in a zone. She was in a different dimension. She quickly changed her clothes and walked out the door, unsure of where she was heading. Izzie and George quickly finish and follow her. They have no idea what's going on, but it can't bee good. Meredith hurriedly walks across to Joe's. The familiar ding from the bell on the door rings out. She takes her usually seat at the bar.

Joe: You okay? (No answer.) What can I get you?

Meredith: A bottle of tequila and a water. Don't pour it. I just want a full bottle.

Joe: Okay.

Meredith: And please turn the channel. (Joe looks up, connecting the two.)

Joe: Right away.

Meredith sat there for an hour, just staring at the bottle. Her friends were watching her. Joe gave them the heads up on what was going on. They weren't sure what to do. Izzie called Cristina, who was on her way. Cristina passed Derek in the hallway. Even though she didn't want to, she let him know what was going on. Derek quickly changed his clothes and headed over. He saw Meredith slumped over staring at the bottle.

Derek: Hey.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Let's go home.

Meredith: Okay.

Derek: Thanks Joe. (He slaps twenty dollars down on the bar.)

Joe: What's this for?

Derek: Consider it a rental fee. See you later. (They walk out.) I'm sorry you had to see that on t.v. Baby, are you okay. (They climb in his car.)

Meredith: I don't know what to think Derek. He hurt me, really bad. But a part of me feels bad for him. He killed my husband and I feel bad. How is that right?

Derek: It's understandable.

Meredith: I hate him. I hate him more than anything, but I know in my heart he didn't set out to kill John. Something is wrong with my head. It doesn't make sense.

Derek: You know him. You spent time around him. He is a person. You wouldn't be you, if you didn't feel this way, Mer.

Meredith: I didn't drink. I just needed to look at it. I had to prove to myself that I could do it.

Derek: I'm so proud of you.

Meredith: I'm okay. I can handle this, I have you. I am going to his sentencing. I need to, for closure.

Derek: Okay. I'll come-

Meredith: I need to do it myself.

Derek: Are you sure?

Meredith: Yes- I'm positive.

Meredith and Derek were both lying in bed. He was reading a book. She looked over at him, and thought. It was time. Time to start her life. She reached over and pulled out her laptop, she was planning a wedding.

------------------------

**Short update. I'm not sure if there will be an update tomorrow. I have got to ride my horse tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe there will be. I'll see what I can do. I can't remember who asked, but Derek isn't leaving my story, he is leaving my calendar, because February is almost over. I will miss him...**


	68. Chapter 68

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

It has been a week and Meredith has been spending a lot of time planning the wedding. She hadn't let anyone in on what was going on. She had plans. The plans were somewhat selfish, and everyone was going to be angry. She and Derek are enjoying their regular bath together.

Meredith: So I have been thinking... (They are facing each other in the bathtub.)

Derek: Thinking?

Meredith: Well, planning. The wedding. (His face lights up.) I just want it simple. You and I. Alone.

Derek: Meaning...

Meredith: Like we elope and no one else is there. I had that crazy, huge wedding. I hated it. I want this to be about you and I. Unless-

Derek: Meredith, I want whatever you want.

Meredith: Really? You wouldn't be disappointed?

Derek: You and I together, forever. Nothing else matters. (She comes over to his side of the tub, and kisses him.)

Meredith: This is almost too good to be true.

Derek: This is how it is going to be everyday for the rest of our lives. (She turns and sits in his lap, he kisses her neck.)

Meredith: This is why I love you. You know, before I met you, I rarely took bathes. I always showered.

Derek: Me too. You made me realize how fun a bathtub really is.

Meredith: Oh, it's about to get a lot more fun! (She starts to turn around and the bathroom door opens. Meredith flies over to the other side of the bathtub.)

Cristina: Oh you have got to be kidding me! You guys bathe together too? (She shakes her head. Derek frantically starts moving bubbles around.)

Meredith: Cristina! We're a little busy here.

Cristina: I need to talk to you.

Meredith: We'll be done in a while.

Cristina: No, now.

Meredith: Okay, talk. (Derek is dumbfounded by Cristina.)

Cristina: To you, not to McDreamy.

Meredith: She's my person. (She gives Derek a apologetic look.) Hold your breath!

Derek: Wha- (She shoves his head under water.)

Meredith: Talk fast, It might look suspicious if he dies so soon after John!

Cristina: I need to stay here.

Meredith: Why?

Cristina: Mama Burke is in town. (Derek comes up, gasping for air.)

Meredith: And? (She shoves Derek back down.)

Cristina: She makes his mom look like Mother Theresa. She is a crazy, nasty woman. You owe me. I stuck up for you. (Derek comes back up.)

Derek: Are you done yet? My fiance and I were busy here.

Meredith: Almost... (She pushes him back down. This time he turns around. She gets wide eyed.) I don't know. (She laughs and hits him underwater. Cristina gives her a look.) Fine. (She laughs again. He comes up.) Stop!

Derek: I'm starting without you. Maybe it will hurry things along.

Cristina: Is he- oh my God.

Derek: Besides, I owe you for the incident with the Chief. (Cristina raises her eyebrows. Meredith shoves him back down.)

Cristina: You have to tell Burke that you need help with something. It's only for a week. You can't tell McDreamy, he'll tell Burke. I'm helping you plan the wedding, okay?

Meredith: Fine. (Derek comes up.)

Cristina: I'll go get my bags.

Meredith: You brought your bags? What if I'd said no?

Cristina: I would have snuck in anyway. With a house this big, you never would have known I was here. (She walks out.)

Derek: Hey Yang?

Cristina: Yeah?

Derek: You come back in here, and I'll make sure you are on SCUT for a month. (Cristina leaves. Derek gives Meredith a look.)

Meredith: What?

Derek: You didn't even ask if I cared. You didn't ask me if she could stay.

Meredith: If Mark needed to stay, I wouldn't expect you to ask. Besides Cristina is my person, and she would let me stay.

Derek: Sure... (He looks unconvinced.)

Meredith: She would. (He still says no.) Okay, she wouldn't, but Burke would.

Derek: Fine, but I'm not making her breakfast.

Meredith: Derek, this is Cristina we're talking about. She is at the hospital stealing to good cases before we even get up. Besides, it's only a week.

Derek: Well, a week can feel like eternity. (She smacks him.) Now where were we?

Meredith: Oh, right about here. (She rolls over on top of him.)

--------------------------------

Derek groaned when the alarm clock went off. They didn't get much sleep last night. Meredith covers her head with a pillow.

Meredith: Turn it off!

Derek: I'm trying...

Meredith: I feel like I didn't get any sleep!

Derek: That's probably because we didn't.

Meredith: Do we have to get up?

Derek: We could probably sleep another half an hour.

Meredith: Oh, thank God! (They both roll back over. Forty-five minutes goes by.) Shit! Derek! You didn't reset the alarm!

Derek: Damn-it (They both jump up and start getting dressed. They run downstairs to the kitchen.) Oh you have got to be kidding me!

Meredith: My Person. One week.

Derek: But- (The coffee pot was almost empty. There was coffee stains on the counter. The milk was left out, there was sugar and toast crumbs everywhere.) Fine.

Meredith: I'll say something. Were going to have to stop and get coffee. Lets go.

They both get into Derek's car. The stop at the nearest coffee shop and go through the drive-thru. Neither of them speak. Meredith doesn't want to have to defend Cristina, and Derek won't say anything nice. They finally arrive at the hospital. They ride in the elevator together. Derek gives her a kiss.

Derek: Have a good day.

Meredith: You too. (She walks into the locker room.)

Izzie: You're almost late!

Meredith: That would be because someone didn't leave me any damn coffee.

Cristina: Oh, are you talking to me?

Meredith: Uh, yeah. (She says sarcastically.)

Izzie: Wait, you're staying at Mer's?

Meredith: Yeah, she and-

Cristina: I am helping her plan the wedding.

George: You need to stay at her house to do that?

Cristina: I am a hunter, Bambi. You are a deer. I'd shut your damn mouth.

Bailey came in handing out assignments. Meredith got stuck in the pit. She heard that Sloan was doing a facial reconstruction on a car crash victim, she really wanted in on it. Alex was shocked when Bailey sent him to help Mark. Cristina was with Burke, and she wasn't happy. She was hoping to avoid him for a week, which never would have happened. Izzie was with Derek, he had a spinal surgery that he was working on. George was with Montgomery-Sloan. The pit was fairly busy for a week day, and Meredith couldn't believe how fast the time went by. She was starving when lunchtime rolled around. She grabbed a burger and fries and headed outside. The other interns were all already eating.

Meredith: So did everyone have fun with their surgical cases. (She says sarcastically.)

Izzie: Yeah, the spinal surgery was awesome. How were the stitches?

Meredith: Funny!

Alex: Man you should see the chick's face that we worked on today. She was a mess.

George: Alex! A little harsh, don't you think.

Alex: Only if you're a fetus, O'Malley.

Cristina: Well, I was in hell.

Meredith: I bet you were!

Izzie: Why?

Cristina: No Reason.

Izzie: Okay then...

George: Cristina, are you and Burke fighting?

Alex: Did he finally dump your sorry ass?

Cristina: Hey you know what Mer and McDreamy were doing when I came over last night?

Alex: Uh, one guess.

Meredith: Cristina!

Cristina: What? You two are the horniest people I have ever seen. (Looks at the others.) There were in the tub.

Izzie: Bathtub sex is good. It's the soap.

Meredith: (Starts laughing.) Iz- you are too honest!

Izzie: It's true. An you have that huge tub. I would kill for that tub.

Meredith: It is nice. (She miles and closes her eyes.)

George: Can we not talk about this?

Alex: What's the matter, O'Malley, too much for your virgin ears? (They all laugh.)

George: I have sex. I have ladies! (They all laugh again.)

Man: String-bean? (Meredith turns her head.)

Meredith: Mutt? (She jumps up from the table. She runs over, hugging the very good looking blue eyed, blond hair man.) How have you been?

Matt: I'm great. You?

Meredith: I'm wonderful! Why are you here?

Matt: My sister is here, for a facial reconstruction.

Meredith: Your twin? With Sloan?

Matt: Yep. (The arrive at the table. Everyone is intrigued.)

Meredith: Everyone, this is Mutt- I mean Matt. Matt this is Izzie, Alex, George, and this ball of joy is Cristina.

Matt: Hi.

Meredith: He was one of my best friends, for like...forever.

Matt: I know her better than anyone.

Meredith: Sure you do.

Matt: More than you'll ever admit!

Meredith: That may be true. (To everyone.) His sister is facial reconstruction chick.

Alex: Awesome. I'm on her case.

Matt: Well, don't tell Mel that Meredith is here. That's good, right? (He looks at Meredith.)

Meredith: Alex is an ass, but he's a good doctor. Sit down.

Alex: Thanks. (He pretends he's hurt by her comment.) Why can't I tell her about you, Mer?

Meredith: She hates me.

Matt: I wouldn't say hate... yeah, I would.

Izzie: Why?

Matt: Meredith was that girl. The one that the other girls hated. Mer hung out with the boys, she didn't get along with girls. It was John, who was the jock. Mer, who was the angry pink haired girl. Jackson who was a jock and was in the chess club. And me. I was the bad boy. We were quite a group, friends forever, right?

Meredith: Yep.

Matt: So Mel, my twin she was out to get Mer every chance she got. Plus she had a huge crush on John, so that caused problems.

Izzie: The drama.

Matt: Oh, yeah. (He looks at Meredith.) You look, great! You have boobs now, but you're still a rail. I don't think that will change! I can't believe how good you look. (The others take note, Meredith is oblivious.)

Meredith: (Throw a fry at him) Hey! I'm...normal.

Izzie: So tell us some Meredith stories.

Meredith: No, you don't want to-

Matt: Sure. This girl was something else! She helped me break into the office to change my grades.

Meredith: Fight club!

Alex: So Meredith was a bad girl, huh?

Matt: You have no idea! Oh yeah, one time she got drunk and ran down the street without her shirt on. In the daylight.

Meredith: (Turns red.) Oh my God, I forgot that! Lois didn't talk to me for a week.

Matt: Oh and that time you punched Jackson in the face when he called you were a slut.

Meredith: He deserved that!

They all continue telling stories and laughing. Derek starts walking up with his tray. He sees a man laughing with Meredith. He puts his hand on her thigh. All at once he feels a crashing wave of jealous wash over him. Who the hell was this guy, and what the hell was he doing with his Meredith? He wasn't going for this, no way. He walks right over to Meredith.

Derek: Hello, honey. (He gives her a passionate kiss. More so than normal. Everyone can tell he's jealous, except Matt and Meredith.)

Meredith: Oh, hi...(Matt says something, and Meredith laughs.)

Alex: Oh, here Dr. Shepherd. I'll move over.

Derek: Thanks. (He is surprised that Meredith doesn't introduce him. He leans across her, and sticks his hand out. He wants to break his hand.) Hello, I'm Derek Shepherd, Meredith's fiance.

Matt: Fiance? (His face looks disappointed.)

Meredith: Yeah.

Matt: You're getting married?

Derek: That's generally what fiances do. (He says sarcastically.) They get married. _That's right, you bastard. She's mine. You touch her again, and you won't have to worry about walking for the rest of your life._

Meredith: Yes, Derek asked me. I said yes.

Izzie: Well, I have to go. (The others chime in. It is getting awkward.) Me too!

Matt: Nice you meet you all.

Derek: So how do you know Meredith?

Matt: We were friends, she, John, Jackson and I.

Derek: Oh, I don't remember seeing you at the funeral.

Matt: I was there, I just didn't come up.

Derek: Oh... I see.

Matt: And you, you were John's friend?

Derek: (Laughs.) I guess you could say that. I was more Meredith's 'special' friend.

Meredith: Derek! (Anger flashed across her face. _How the hell could he say that?_) Matt, my friends and I are meeting at the bar across the street at 7pm. You want to come?

Matt: Sure...

Derek: We weren't going to Joe's.

Meredith: We are now. I have to go.

Matt: Oh, I'll walk with you! I should get back up there. (Matt and Meredith walk away, but not before Matt turns and gives Derek a look.)

-----------------------------

Meredith avoided Derek for the rest of the day. She didn't understand why he was being like this. He was being a little selfish. Derek was really mad. He didn't know who this guy was, but he was being a complete ass. He had some kind of feelings for Meredith. It was so obvious. He mad sure that he was right there when she got off. He wasn't going to let this guy even gain and inch. He was outside the locker room when the interns came out. Meredith gave him a light smile. He knew she couldn't stay mad at him for long. He grabbed her hand and they all walked into the elevator. He smiled. Maybe Matt wasn't coming. Maybe he knew a losing battle when he saw one. That was until a hand slid into the door, causing them to open.

Matt: Whew, I almost missed it! Derek, nice to see you again.

Derek: Matt. (He clenched his jaw.)

Matt: So, Mer you're going to let me buy you shot of tequila, right?

Derek: She doesn't need to drink tequila anymore. She has me. (She said with defeat.)

Matt: No tequila?

Meredith: Nope. I gave it up.

Matt: Hmm, how will I take advantage of you now? (Meredith laughed. Derek scowled. The doors ding and they walk into the lobby and outside.) So Mer, how about for old time's sake. (He bends down, and she jumps on his back. He rides her piggy back to the bar. Derek looks at George and they both roll their eyes.)

They all walk into Joe's. Meredith introduces Matt to everyone. The whole night Matt kept buying her drinks. They played pool, and darts. Derek just about hit the ceiling when he saw Matt's hand slide down her back, and take it's place on her rear. Everyone else saw it too. Meredith didn't seem to notice it. She wasn't trying to make Derek jealous. She was just being herself. Finally they walk over and take a seat on the stools.

Meredith: Joe, Mutt and I will take another beer. Derek, homey, what about you?

Derek: I'm fine. So Mutt, huh?

Matt: Yeah, that's what Mer always called me.

Meredith: Yeah, because he was the biggest man-whore in high school. He literally slept with every girl, except me.

Matt: You sure about that? What about that one night? (He raises his eyebrows.)

Meredith: I'm sure. There isn't enough tequila in the world.

Matt: I'll have you know, I am very good looking.

Meredith: Are you? I didn't notice... (She laughs.)

Derek: I have surgery tomorrow. I need to go.

Meredith: Alright, I'm ready. Find Cristina, will you?

Meredith gives Matt a hug. Derek sees it and thinks it's a little too friendly. He walks over a grabs her. She got mad. She thought he was acting absurd. Derek knows he needs to keep his mouth shut. For now. They all grab a cab, knowing that have consume too much alcohol to drive home. The tension in the cab was like a thick fog. Cristina kept her mouth shut. She knew what was going on. She knew when they all got home, the roof was going to blow.

--------------------

**Okay, so Matt's an ass, Meredith has no idea, and Derek is insanely jealous. It should be good. We shall see...**


	69. Chapter 69

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

_I cannot believe he is acting like this! He is acting like he owns me, like he is the boss of me. What the hell have I done wrong? Not a damn thing, that's what. Just because he doesn't know how to have a good time, doesn't mean I can't. _Meredith thought.

_What the hell is she doing? God, I should have just stayed with Burke and his mom. It would be quiet there. Nice and quiet. Instead, I am heading into a war zone. For good reason, I guess. Meredith was totally letting him come on to her. God, she wasn't even drinking tequila. Now if tequila was involved, I could see it. She is being so stupid! Was that the real Meredith? Maybe I don't know her at all... _Cristina thought.

_Damn-it! That bastard. Who does he think he is? We were happy, things were moving along. All it took one was guy to walk in. Did I make a mistake? Is she the wrong girl? No, she's not. What the hell am I going to do. What if he stays, what if he moves here. I can't be around that asshole. I am not being friends with him. Maybe I should have went to the trailer. I can't deal with this right now. _Derek thought.

The cab ride felt like an eternity. Everyone was deep in thought. Not one of them looked at each other. Derek looked out the window, Meredith looked out the other window, and Cristina was in the middle. She felt like she was keeping the peace. She was preventing them from ripping each other to shreds. Finally they pulled up to the gated community. The cab driver pulls into the driveway. Cristina almost knocked Meredith over, she was in such a hurry to get away from them. Derek walked up to the door and turned the key. They all walk into the kitchen. Derek throws his keys down on the granite countertop. They land with a loud clang.

Meredith: What the hell is your problem? (She asked rather rudely.)

Derek: (In shock.) What is my problem? What is my problem? (He raised his voice.) Uh, lets see... He breezes into town, and all you do is focus on him. Your friends were at Joe's and your fiance, you didn't include us, and you acted like we weren't even there.

Meredith: Oh, come on! (She yells.)

Cristina: I'm uh, going. (She hurries upstairs. She had a feeling Meredith was going to want her to pick sides.)

Derek: I am too. I can't talk to you right now! (He head upstairs.)

Meredith: Oh, so you're going to run away?

Derek: Not now, Meredith. I'm just too damn pissed. (He walks in their room and slams the door.)

Meredith: (She opens the door, he is changing his clothes.) That's it, huh? (She slams the door.) You are mad because I didn't coddle you tonight? (She mocks him.)

Derek: No. I'm pissed that he made comments about you, and you just laughed. Oh, and he tried to feel you up how many times? Not to mention he was hitting on you non stop. All of this from your "friend".

Meredith: You have got to be kidding me!

Derek: What? Oh, I'm completely out of line, right?

Meredith: Yeah! (She yells.)

Derek: You knew what he was doing. In fact, I think you enjoyed it! Is it the attention? Do I not give you enough attention? Instead, you have to get it from other guys?

Meredith: Oh yeah, Derek. I'm always all over other guys. God, I want Matt so badly. In fact, we hooked up several times in the on-call room today. (She mocks.) What do you think I am, some kind of whore? I don't generally sleep with my friends, especially ones that are like my brother. Not to mention the fact that I'm engaged. _Or am I?_

Derek: Well, he didn't look brotherly to me! In fact, he's pretty fucking nervy! Not to mention the level of maturity. You let him carry you piggy back. Everyone was looking.

Meredith: We have been friends forever. That's what friends do.

Derek: Yeah, when they're twelve.

Meredith: So now I'm an immature whore... (She walks in the bathroom and slams the door. Not even a minute later she opens it.) You know, I wouldn't act like this if this were you instead of me.

Derek: Really? I seem to remember you running off and drinking yourself into oblivion after seeing me with a certain doctors wife.

Meredith: That was different...

Derek: Yeah, because nothing was going on! I just can't believe it Mer, you made me look like a fool. It was like you were flaunting it. If you would have let him, he would have screwed you right there.

Meredith: It is not like that! That is how he is... he's always been like that.

Derek: Oh really, so maybe that night did happen? Maybe you did sleep with him.

Meredith: Screw you, Derek! (She walks in the bathroom. She is angry, she isn't done yet.) A little respect would be nice.

Derek: You have to give it, to get it.

Meredith: It feels great, knowing your boyfriend thinks you're a whore. Him thinking you will give it to anyone who walks by.

Derek: You know I don't think that! I'm a guy, guys know guys. I know what his intentions are, and I'm not letting it happen. He obviously has feelings for you. He's not going to stop and walk away, can't you see that? I care too much about you, I can't lose you. I'm not going to just stand by.

She walks in the bathroom and shuts the door. She sits down on the side of the tub and puts her head in her hands. Her eyes well up. She doesn't know what to think. Was Derek right? No, Matt had always been like that. She did act immaturely, but it was fun. She hadn't had fun like that in years. She starts to cry. She loves Derek. She loves him more than anything. Nothing is worth risking losing him. He is everything to her. She sits there and cries for a while. She has to make things right. She opens the door, Derek is sitting on the bed reading. He doesn't even acknowledge her. She walks over to his side of the bed and sits down, taking his face into her hands.

Meredith: I'm sorry, Derek. I was being selfish. I was so busy having a good time. I didn't realize that I was being rude. That is how Matt is. He has always been flirty. He honestly doesn't mean anything by it. He has always wanted the attention on him. You are the only one for me. I need you like oxygen. There will never be another guy, just you.

Derek: It just scared me. I realized today that I could lose you.

Meredith: You won't lose me.

Derek: You are my little sports car. Everyone wants my car, and I'm not sharing. I don't want to take you out of the garage. I can't have my car stolen.

Meredith: (Smiles.) You have insurance... (She laughs.)

Derek: What does that get me? A new car? I want the one I have, forever.

Meredith: Don't worry, this convertible has a great theft deterrent system. No one will ever steal this car from you.

Derek: I'm sorry for what I said. I love you.

Meredith: You know I wake up every night. I wake up and look over at you. I never know if I'm going to wake up, and find out it was all just a dream. I don't want to find out that I'm still that lonely girl, alone in her bed, with her husband across the hall.

Derek: It's real, I'm here.

Meredith: Please don't ever go.

Derek: I won't under my own free will.

Meredith: I'll talk to him tomorrow. My friendship with him means nothing compared to my relationship with you.

Derek: You don't have to do that...

Meredith: I will.

Derek: No, I don't expect you to give up your friends.

Meredith: I'm tired. (She undresses and crawls under the blankets. He rolls over and wraps his arms around her.) We're okay?

Derek: We'll always be okay.

Derek woke up early. For some reason he wasn't tired. Then he realized they had went to bed very early last night. He ran downstairs to make a pot of coffee. Once again the kitchen was a disaster area. This time, however, Cristina was still home.

Derek: Not going in early to steal the good cases?

Cristina: No. I'm tired. There was a lot of yelling last night. Plus I don't have a vehicle.

Derek: You can ride with us.

Cristina: Wonderful...You know what surprised me?

Derek: What?

Cristina: No make up sex. Isn't that the best part? (She drops food on the floor and doesn't pick it up.)

Derek: Are you always such a slob?

Cristina: Yes.

Derek: Even when you are in someone else's home?

Cristina: Yep.

Derek: When are you leaving?

Cristina: Soon.

Derek: Not soon enough... I have to take a shower.

Derek went upstairs, but not before glancing into Cristina's room. It was a wreck. He had no idea how Burke could deal with her. He had never seen such a slob in his life. Meredith was still sleeping when he came in. He went ahead and climbed in the shower, she could sleep until he was done. He was rinsing his hair when he felt her hands wrap around him. He opens his eyes and turns around. She smiles at him, he smiles back. "You could have woke me up." She says. "You looked peaceful." He answers. She gazes at his body. Not too muscular, just right. She pours body wash on her loofa and begins washing her body. Derek smiles, he knows she didn't join him so she could bathe. The suds begin to run down her body, the steam rising around her face. He begins to run his hands down her body. She doesn't stop him, she just smiles. Derek kisses her neck, then begins searching her mouth with his tongue. He continues kissing her body and tickling her with his tongue. She smiles and moans. She needs him inside her, she can't hold back any longer. She needs him desperately. She pulls him toward her, he pushes her against the wall. She wraps her legs around his wet skin he enters her body. The thrusts begin slowly, increasing in intensity. She is teetering toward the edge. She holds herself back. He thrusts again, this time she cannot contain herself. She has to go there, her body wills it. Her body tightens around him. She screams out loudly. Derek smiles at her pleasure. He feels himself go to the height of his pleasure.

Meredith: Oh, God.

Derek: That was good, really good.

Meredith: This is precisely the reason I keep you around!

Derek: That is fine with me!

They both come downstairs, smiling. Cristina is was sitting at the counter, smiling.

Cristina: There it is...

Meredith: What?

Cristina: The make up sex.

Meredith: You heard?

Cristina: I think anyone in a mile radius heard.

The three of them rode to the hospital together, making friendly conversation. Meredith was feeling better that she and Derek were on good terms. Alex was getting out of his car when they pulled up. Meredith and Derek were looking friendly, and Alex was surprised.

Alex: So we're getting along again?

Meredith: Of course! Everything is wonderful. Life is good. All that happy shit.

Cristina: She got laid this morning.

Alex: Ahh, I see. (The interns walk into the locker room.) Relax, everything is fine today.

Izzie: They don't stay mad for long...

George: That's good. They're happy. (He looks at Meredith.) You _are_ happy, right?

Meredith: Of course!

Bailey comes in and they all do rounds. There were several patients. She knew that Melanie Taylor was in the next room. Melanie, her nemesis. It had been a long time, but it didn't really matter. Melanie had always been rude to Meredith. Melanie was the head of the cheerleading squad. She was also prom queen. She was miss perfect and Meredith was just herself. Meredith had always intrigued the guys, mainly because they couldn't figure out why John wanted her so badly. That made all the girls angry. John had been the captain of the football team, and Melanie had always wanted him. Melanie would do absolutely anything to sabotage Meredith. Meredith stopped outside her room.

Bailey: What are you doing?

Meredith: You don't want me to go in there.

Bailey: The hell I don't. This is your job.

Meredith: She hates me.

Bailey: I don't care.

Meredith: I won't be nice.

Bailey: Get in there. Alex, present.

Alex: Melanie Taylor post-op facial reconstruction-

Melanie: Oh you have got to be kidding me!

Bailey: What?

Melanie: I come to the best freaking hospital, with the best freaking plastic surgeon. Who is in my room? Meredith fucking Grey.

Meredith: Let's be professional.

Melanie: I want her out.

Bailey: She is staying.

Melanie: I knew my brother was awfully damn happy to be here. He only came because he knew you were here. He wasn't at the hospital when I got in the accident. Meredith Grey, she has that way with men. Watch your guys.

Meredith: Just be glad he came, I wouldn't have if I were him.

Melanie: I heard John finally killed himself, he couldn't wait to get away from you. It didn't matter what he had to do. (Everyone has looks of shock.)

Meredith: Sure, he threw himself into a fence to get away! Funny thing is, I wanted a divorce. He begged me not to. Nope, he wanted me. He always wanted me, not you. I'm sure you'll find someone someday... Hopefully before you die, you old maid!

Melanie: John was a fool. I don't know what he saw in you.

Meredith: Oh, he saw plenty.

Melanie: He should have been mine.

Meredith: Your old face couldn't pull it off. Crashing your car, the best thing you ever did! You might have a fighting chance with your new face.

Melanie: You bitch!

Meredith: Yep.

Bailey: Thompson...out. (Meredith smiled at her and walked out.)

Meredith: (Yells back in.) Yep, Meredith Thompson. Sounds a hell of a lot better than Melanie Thompson... yuck!

Bailey: Hey! (Meredith is in the hallway, Matt walks up.)

Matt: Hey.

Meredith: Hey. I got kicked out.

Matt: She's a bitch. I'll set her straight. (He walks in. The begin to walk out.) So I hear you were a bitch to Meredith.

Melanie: Like she doesn't deserve it.

Matt: What has she done to you?

Melanie: Are you kidding me? You have got to get over this thing you have for her. She's engaged, did you see the rock?

Matt: Even better, I met the guy. Not a problem, not a problem at all!

Melanie: She's going to crush you. That's what she does.

----------------------

Burke is standing at the nurses station looking over some charts. Derek sees him alone and takes advantage. He can't take it anymore, and he's going to take care of it.

Burke: Hey, Derek.

Derek: Hey...

Burke: What's going on?

Derek: You have to take her back! (He sounds desperate.)

Burke: What? I thought- Oh you are kidding, right. She's hiding from mama, isn't she?

Derek: She's horrible. She is the biggest slob in the world. I can't take it anymore. The comments, the rudeness. You have all of my respect for dealing with that!

Burke: She will be out by tonight. I can not believe her!

Derek: Thanks! (Derek walks away. A few minutes later Cristina walks up.)

Cristina: I miss you.

Burke: Yeah, me too. So when are you coming home?

Cristina: Oh, we're still-

Burke: Save it! I know.

Cristina: You _know_? It was Shepherd wasn't it? I knew he could hear me under that water.

Burke: What?

Cristina: Nothing.

Burke: I can't believe you! I thought you were strong, fearless even.

Cristina: I am.

Burke: She's just my mama. Come home...

Cristina: Fine. (She growled.)

-----------------------

Alex: I'm telling you, he said it! "Not a problem". He's after her.

Izzie: He was pretty friendly last night.

George: And she said he didn't come to the hospital when she was in the accident. Isn't that when you would go?

Cristina: You should have heard those two last night. I thought things were going to start flying off the walls. I didn't know she could yell so loud. And Shepherd, he was pissed. It was a door slamming, screaming match!

George: For good reason!

Cristina: They were fine this morning.

Alex: I gotta give the dude credit, he's here for one day, and he's made huge waves.

Meredith: (Walks up.) Waves, what are you talking about?

George: Surfing.

Meredith: Oh, you surf?

George: Alex does.

Meredith: You do? (He nods. Derek walks up and kisses her on the neck.) Hey, you.

Derek: How are you?

Meredith: Good. Not as good as this morning...

Derek: This morning was good... (Matt walks up. They don't even notice, they are to engrossed in each other.)

Matt: Hey.

Everyone: Oh, hey.

Matt: What's going on?

Izzie: Not much. Just work.

Matt: Oh I see. (He is getting upset that Meredith isn't paying attention to him.) Hey Mer, remember that time we all went skinny dipping? (Meredith and Derek are still talking. Derek is pecking at her neck and whispering in her ear. He knows just what he is doing. Meredith giggles.)

Meredith: What? I wasn't listening.

Matt: I was thinking about they time we all went skinny dipping.

Meredith: Oh, yeah. I remember that. (She brushed it off.) Hey do you have a girlfriend?

Matt: No, why?

Meredith: You and Izzie. You would make a cute couple.

Matt: Oh, um.

Izzie: I don't know...

Meredith: One date, come on!

Matt: Oh, okay.

Izzie: Okay.

Matt: How about tonight? Meet at Joe's at seven? (He is thinking he can get information about Meredith.)

Izzie: Sounds good.

Meredith: Good. It will be fun!

Matt: I have to go. Izzie, I'll see you at seven.

Izzie: Thanks, Mer. (She scowls.)

Meredith: What? It's free dinner, take advantage.

Izzie: I am only doing this for you! (Meredith gets paged.)

Meredith: Crap! See you later... (She walks away.)

Alex: She is oblivious.

George: No kidding.

Derek: I have never seen her like this.

George: This guy is a slime ball. (They fill Derek in on what they heard.)

Alex: I am not even that low!

Derek: We have to get rid of this guy.

Cristina: Yes, we do.

-------------------------

**So Matt is out to get her! That McBastard! Kind of porny but we had to have a sex scene for chapter 69!**


	70. Chapter 70

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek ended up being in surgery longer than expected. Meredith went ahead without him. They both had cars at the hospital, since they had taken a cab home the night before. Meredith took a shower and then headed to the dining room table. She had a lot of plans to make. She pulled out all of her wedding plans and the plans for their house. The table was completely covered. She looked at it all and sighed. She didn't even know where to begin. She was thinking about where to have the wedding. Somewhere warm, somewhere far away. Then it hit her. The Italian Riviera. It was beautiful, and far away. She knew how to speak italian, Derek has italian in him. She pulled out her laptop and started researching. It was beautiful there. She knew everyone was going to be mad, but it didn't matter. Just she and Derek. That's all that matters. She heard the door open.

Meredith: So I was thinking the Italian Rivera. That's where we'll get married. Just you and I. The beach. No one else, no family. So what do you think?

Cristina: Oh, honey. It's wonderful.

Meredith: What are you doing here? I thought you were going home...

Cristina: I'm here to get my stuff.

Meredith: It's in your room. You can go get it.

Cristina: You aren't getting rid of me that easily. Besides, you are not getting married alone! I can't believe you! I'm your person.

Meredith: Cristina. I had the big wedding.

Cristina: Okay, so I'm not a let's have a pink, happy wedding. But come on, you can't do this. Besides, what about McDreamy's mom? She is not going to take this lightly. You are going to start a war. When it happens, don't complain to me! (She runs upstairs. After a few minutes, she comes back down.)

Meredith: My wedding, it was horrible. My mom made it horrible.

Cristina: Well, this is your chance to have a good one.

Meredith: (She groans.) Why do you have to do this? I was all happy, and now I'm... not.

Cristina: Maybe you should stop.

Meredith: Stop what?

Cristina: Running. Maybe if you stopped running, and looked around, you would see that your life isn't crappy anymore. Anyway, I have to go.

Meredith: Bye. _Maybe she is right._ (The phone rings.) Hello?

Lynn: Meredith! How are you, dear?

Meredith: I'm good.

Lynn: How is the planning going? Did you pick a date yet?

Meredith: Not yet.

Lynn: I can't wait to see you marry my son. I can't wait for you to become my daughter!

Meredith: Me too. Derek isn't here, he's still at the hospital.

Lynn: I can't call you?

Meredith: Of course you can. I just-

Lynn: I just wanted to see how you guys were doing.

Meredith: We are great. We've both been working a lot.

Lynn: Well, don't work too hard. Besides, you need time to plan your wedding. I could help.

Meredith: Well, honestly, I didn't get to plan my first one, so I kind of wanted to do it this time!

Lynn: I understand. See, I'm already acting like a mother-in-law! You sound tired. Are you tired? I'll let you go. Tell Derek I called.

Meredith: I will. Bye. (Meredith sighed. How on earth was she going to be able to pull this off?)

Derek: I'm home.

Meredith: Is it really you?

Derek: Yes, why?

Meredith: Earlier I thought it was you, and it was Cristina. She knows. I can't pull it off. Oh my God...

Derek: Pull what off? I can think of things we can pull off...

Meredith: Get your head out of the gutter. And your mom called. So, what now. I can't do this to everyone. (She is slightly panicked.)

Derek: Calm down. What are you talking about?

Meredith: The wedding. (She begins to ramble.) It can't be just you and I. Everyone will be upset. Your mother will never talk to me again! Then who do we invite? Okay, so your mom. But then what about my mom? I can't have her there. She ruined my wedding with John. Then if I don't invite her, then I am not trying to fix things. I don't want a disaster. She spells disaster. It's going to be in the Italian Riviera. So then what about George and Izzie and Cristina? How are they going to get off work? And Alex, do I invite him? He and Izzie are, well, you know. Then there's Addison and Mark. And Callie, she and George are together, she has to come. And Burke. He can't leave. And the Chief. So who do we invite and who can come? This is too much.

Derek: Meredith!

Meredith: What?

Derek: Calm down! Besides, this is great. Think about it. You _don't_ want a big wedding. All of these people will not be able to come. It's perfect.

Meredith: You're right... wow. This may work!

Derek: That's what I'm saying... So are you looking at the houses?

Meredith: Yes, there's so much to do. I just want to get it done.

Derek: Thanks...

Meredith: No. It's not like I just want to get it done so that's it's over. I want to be there. Married, in our new house. I want to just be there, at that point.

Derek: So let's plan...

Meredith: Let's plan... I'm thinking three bedrooms.

Derek: Three?

Meredith: This house is too big...

Derek: I have sisters and you have friends. We need a big enough house. Four bedrooms and a master, at the least.

Meredith: Fine. But we don't have a ton of time to keep a house that size clean. But that's two less than what we have. Look at these plans...

Derek: I think you were right. Timber framed is the the way to go. Perfect for the land. Rustic, yet nice.

Meredith: When are you going to realize that I am always right?

Derek: Soon, very soon.

------------------------

Izzie was less than happy to be going on a date with Matt. She, Derek, Alex, George and Cristina decided that they were going to do whatever they could to get rid of him. They made sure that Meredith had no idea what they had planned. He was like a toxic gas. Meredith was the only one that didn't see it coming. She thought he was harmless, he was an old friend. Friends are trustworthy, right?

Izzie drove to Joe's wondering what this night was going to be like. Matt was good looking. Really good looking. If she hadn't seen how he really was, she would have definitely considered going on a real date with him. She wore a breathtaking dress. She looked phenomenal. Any man would love to be the one with her. It was all part of the plan. She was going to try and lure him in, see how he acted. Any man would want to take her home. Especially someone known as the 'man-whore' in high school. When Izzie walked in, several men took notice. Matt was sitting at the bar, sipping a drink. He was wearing a pair of kakis and a nice polo shirt. She walked over and sat next to him.

Izzie: Hey.

Matt: Hey. You look nice. (He said unenthusiastically.)

Izzie: Thanks. So where are we going?

Matt: I was hoping you'd know. I'm not familiar with the area.

Izzie: Well, there is a nice restaurant down the road. It's semi-casual.

Matt: Sounds good. (They head down to the restaurant, making small talk. They arrive and get seated right away.) So how long have you lived here?

Izzie: About a year. Since I started at the hospital. I like it, a little rainy. You get used to it. So we never did ask, where do you live?

Matt: I was in Boston, then I moved to New York. I'm back Boston for a while. I kind of like it here.

Izzie: (Her eyes widen.) Here? What's here?

Matt: Oh, it just seems nice. _Meredith is here._ I could see myself here.

Izzie: I can't believe you flew all of the way out her for you sister. That's great. Very supportive. So the accident, it happened a year ago?

Matt: Yeah. It really damaged her face.

Izzie: That's tough. Mark Sloan is good. He's Derek's best friend.

Matt: (Almost chocking on his appetizer.) He is?

Izzie: Yeah. I'm sure he'll be the best man at his _wedding_. She was lucky,your sister, that you were there for her, when the accident happened.

Matt: Well, I wasn't really.

Izzie; Is that wen you moved to New York?

Matt: No, I moved to New York right after high school. I was in Boston then.

Izzie: Oh, I thought you were there. (She knew he hadn't been.)

Matt: I'm here now. So, how long have you known Mer?

Izzie: Since we started the program.

Matt: She's a great person. She has always been that way...great. I mean, God, could I tell you stories.

Izzie: Oh, really?

Matt: I've known her since grade school. Since John had. Actually there was always a disagreement there. I know I saw her first. John was nervy, if he wanted something, he got it. He was poor, I wasn't. We always had that competition. I always won. Except for once. He won once, the one that mattered.

Izzie: What one?

Matt: Oh, nothing.

Izzie: So, man-whore, huh?

Matt: Yeah. I hate to admit it. I was just filling a void. Hiding my secret pain, ya know? (He smiles.) So, Derek...he seems...

Izzie: Dr. Shepherd- Derek is great. He and Meredith... He loves her.

Matt: So how did they meet?

Izzie: Um, at work. He's our boss. Our boss' boss, and our boss.

Matt: So they were all friends?

Izzie: Kind of. (He has turned the tables. She knows it.)

Matt: They were more than friends, weren't they? He isn't the type, to get along with John.

Izzie: They did...

Matt: It's funny. Derek said something abut him being her 'special friend'. Meredith's reaction was...it was more, they were more than friends.

Izzie: I don't really- You should talk to her about that. (She has to get away from this subject.) So tell me something about yourself. What do you do?

Matt: I work for my Dad's investment firm.

Izzie: That sound like fun. (She laughs.)

Matt: It's not bad. Not what I thought I would be doing. We were all friends, John, Mer, Jackson and I. John and Jackson, they were close. That left Mer and I on the sidelines. Just us, friends, that was it. John was great. He loved her. (He started to drift off.) He loved her more than anything, but so did- Never mind. Meredith was tough. There was this time, when we were playing pool in my basement. Jackson called her a slut and she walked right up and punched him in the face. That was Mer. John changed her. She was always free and bold. Then she was whatever John wanted. Maybe it was love, I don't know. I know the real her. I miss that. It was refreshing.

Izzie: Mer is pretty bold now. Derek brings out the best in her. They complement each other. There is no, and I mean no tearing those two apart. (Izzie was getting a little irritated.)

Matt: I know Meredith. I know what she needs. Derek he's- he's not the guy. Not at all.

Izzie: You think you're that guy?

Matt: Maybe I am.

Izzie: They're happy.

Matt: I don't doubt that. But things change, sometimes people just need to be woken up. I can do that.

Izzie: Listen, I know what you are up to! It's never going to happen. You aren't here for your sister. You are here to see Meredith. You are some kind of stalker. It will never happen. I know, we all know. Just go home while, while you still have your dignity. (He is shocked.)

Matt: I, uh. I'm not leaving.

Izzie: Have it your way. (She throws her napkin down.) Thanks for dinner.

Izzie walks out. She ruined the plan. She couldn't help it. He was smug. He was determined. But why. Why did he want her? If he cared, he would just be glad that she was happy. It was the competitiveness. He was a spoiled rotten person. He always got what he wanted. Meredith was the only thing that he didn't get. John was dead. Now he was going to get her too. Not if her friends could help it. Besides, he was bold. There was a big chance it would all blow up in his face. Izzie called Derek and let him know what was going on. Luckily Meredith was in the bathroom, so she didn't hear. Derek was going to have to watch Matt like a hawk.

Meredith: So, we're doing good. Getting things done...

Derek: Yes we are. Moving along...it's a good thing.

Meredith: Especially with you. I'm getting tired. Not really tired...I want to go to bed. (She raises her eyebrows.) We can work on this tomorrow...

Derek: Hmm. Bed. Not sleeping. Sounds good to me. (She starts running up the stairs. He chases after her, tackling her on the bed.)

-------------------

_**I'm not boring you guys, am I? I hope the story isn't losing momentum. So I didn't think I had gotten any reviews. I was all upset. I thought "Oh crap that chapter really must've sucked." For some reason my reviews and story alerts for the ones I'm reading (All 22 of them!) aren't getting e-mailed to me. Is anyone else having this problem?**_


	71. Chapter 71

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith runs out of the cafeteria. How could her friends do that? She can't even be in the same room with them all. They start barking at each other, and arguing. They should all try to get along. Why can't they just do that? She doesn't want to push Matt away, they should be able to just accept him. She wasn't even sure where she was headed. She found her self down in the basement with the gurneys and hospital beds. Derek catches up to her.

Derek: Mer- I'm sorry.

Meredith: For what?

Derek: What? What do you mean?

Meredith: For what? Why exactly are you sorry? You're always sorry, but I wonder, do you even know what you're sorry about?

Derek: I'm sorry I'm a man.

Meredith: What? That makes no sense...

Derek: I'm a man. It's what men do. We're possessive, and needy. (He sits down on the bed.) I can't help it, I'm a man. A man that knows things, and knows other men. (She lays down on the bed, laying her head on his lap.)

Meredith: So, you're a needy, possessive man. I can't wait to tell Mark.

Derek: You better not...

Meredith: Don't ever share an on-call room with Dr. Carle. He snores. It's loud. I mean really loud. I didn't get any sleep.

Derek: I could have told you that. (His pager goes off.) Sorry.

Meredith: It's the job. I'll see you tonight. (He kisses her.)

Derek: Have fun.

Meredith: I will.

She rolls over and faces the wall. She needed a nap, even if it was just a few minutes. She fell asleep quickly. Derek is walking down the hall. It wasn't an emergency call, so he wasn't in a big hurry. He was looking down at his Blackberry when he almost walked in to Matt.

Derek: What are you doing down here? Visitors aren't permitted down here.

Matt: I'm looking for Meredith. She looked a little upset.

Derek: She's fine now. I made sure of that.

Matt: I should see for myself. She probably needs the comfort of an old friend. I can be _very_ comforting.

Derek: Are you kidding me?

Matt: What? Meredith isn't sure what she wants right now. I _know_ what she wants, and I _know_ what she _needs._ (Derek drops his Blackberry, and shoves Matt against the wall, hard. He has him pinned.)

Derek: You listen. You stay the hell away from her! She doesn't want or need you. She has me. (He loosens his grip.)

Matt: I will see her if I want to. (Derek shoves him against the wall, one again, grabbing his throat. Derek isn't violent, but something about Matt that sends him over the edge.) If you value your life, you will turn around right now and walk away.

Matt: I don't think this is your choice. (Derek tightens his grip.) Fine. (They both walk away. Matt heads away from Meredith, but turns around when Derek is out of sight. He quickly head towards Meredith. She felt a warm body lay next to her. She smiled.) Back so soon? (She turns her head and looks at him.)

Matt: Disappointed, again?

Meredith: Matt! (She is in shock.) What are you doing? You can't do this. You can't just come and lay in the bed with me. There is a line. You are crossing the line!

Matt: (Jumps up.) What?

Meredith: You can't show up and lay on my bed. You can't touch me like you do. You just can't!

Matt: (He gives her his famous, 'I'm so innocent' look.) But Mer, we're friends.

Meredith: Yes- Friends. FRIENDS, nothing else. Not friends with benefits, not extra friendly friends. Friends. (She shakes her head.) I have to go. See you later.

Matt: Yep. _Crap._

Meredith walks away from Matt quickly. How did he find her. He always seemed to find her. She didn't look back. She knew he wasn't following her. He couldn't be that stupid. She had to find Dr. Bailey. Her shift ended in a couple of hours. She obviously had no where to hide, so she might as well work. She walked down the hall, passing Melanie's room.

Melanie: Hey, bitch! (Meredith keeps walking. She is not in to mood for her.) Dr. Grey...

Meredith: You bellowed, whore.

Melanie: Come here. (Meredith drags herself in her room, grabbing her chart, flipping it open.)

Meredith: What? If you are going to-

Melanie: You know I hate you, right. Well, maybe I shouldn't use the word hate. Yes. The word hate does accurately describe how I feel about you. I _hate_ you.

Meredith: And...What do you want?

Melanie: My brother...he's poison.

Meredith: Listen. I don't want to hear you bitch and moan about your brother. I don't care, okay?

Melanie: No. You don't know. I had to hear him whine over you. He pined, in secret. You broke him.

Meredith: I didn't do anything.

Melanie: He was in love with you. You had to know. (Meredith face is flushed in shock.) Oh my God, you didn't know...

Meredith: You are crazy. I have to go...

Melanie: Wait...please.

Meredith: What! What do you want?

Melanie: The whole time, all he wanted was you. Then John asked you to marry him. It crushed Matt. He didn't even wait one day after graduation before he left for New York. Why do you think he didn't come to your wedding? And now, now he is here. Not for me, but for you. John's dead, now he thinks he has a chance, with you. He's toxic, Meredith.

Meredith: Why are you doing this?

Melanie: It's the truth, Meredith.

Meredith: Why do you care?

Melanie: Because I do, okay?

Meredith: I have to go...really.

Melanie: Meredith, be careful. Oh, and you are still a bitch.

Meredith: And you are still a whore.

Meredith didn't know what do you think. Was Melanie right, or was she just trying to make trouble? Meredith thought back to all of the moments they had together. Was it true? Was he really in love with her? She thinks back to all of the touches, the comments. It is true. She feels so foolish. How could she be so stupid. And her friends. She was rude to her friends, all they wanted to do was protect her. Her friends. Her _real_ friends.

Dr. Bailey sends Meredith down to the pit. Sutures. Sutures would suit her perfectly right now. She stitched up four people. The sutures were good, clean. Perfect. Unlike her life at this point. She felt like she was standing in the middle of Central Park with no clothing on. She was humiliated, beyond belief. She defended him. Like a fool, she defended him. Finally, she could go home. Now all she had to do was sneak out of the hospital. She hurried to the locker room, looking over her shoulder. She avoided Melanie's room completely.

Cristina: Hey there, Sunshine.

Meredith: Have you seen him? (She whispered.)

Cristina: Who? McDreamy? He went home.

Meredith: No, Matt.

Cristina: He was looking for you about an hour ago.

Meredith: Shit. Of course he was. Damn-it. I'm sorry.

Cristina: For what.

Meredith: You are my person. You were right. I should have listened to you. Matt, he's- Only two more days. She leaves in two days, and I have tomorrow off. So one day. I have to avoid him for for one day.

Cristina: So how'd you find out? Who got it through your extra, abnormally thick skull?

Meredith: It doesn't matter. Just don't say anything to the others, or Derek. I don't want him to know. Not yet.

Cristina: You are pathetic.

Meredith: I know. See you later...

Cristina: Yep. I'm gonna go find Burke.

Meredith drove home slowly. At one point, she was twenty miles under the speed limit. _Derek is going to know that she knows that he was right. Shit! I am not in the mood for this. Damn Derek, he's always right._ He knew her too well. He could read her like a book. Maybe he would be asleep when she got home. Fat chance, it was only eight o'clock. She pulled into the driveway. The house was lit up. Derek was sitting at the dining room table when she walked in.

_I let myself fall._

_I let myself fall._

_In love with you._

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Hey. (He cocks his head.) What's the matter?

Meredith: I'm just tired. _Quit reading me. Quit reading me!_

Derek: Are you sure? Did you eat dinner? I stopped and picked up fettucini alfredo.

Meredith: I'm not hungry. Thanks. So, what are you doing?

Derek: Looking at the house plans. I think our bedroom needs to look out at the water. And the breakfast nook. I want to look at the water when we eat breakfast. What do you think? The dining room, that doesn't really matter, we won't use it as much. What do you think?

_There's no turning back._

_There's no turning back._

_There's no turning back._

_Since I let myself fall in love with you._

Meredith: (A future with Derek was lightening her mood.) I think you're right. The breakfast nook, needs to be built in. Like an octagon shape, with windows on all sides. Our room needs to be downstairs. You know, someday we'll be so old, we won't be able to walk up the stairs. Sooner for you...

Derek: Hey! I'm not old.

Meredith: Light hardwood floors, the bigger planks, they are easier on your feet. And that hot water that never runs out. I am tired of waking in a cold shower.

Derek: Good idea. Endless hot showers with you...

Meredith: This is good. This is the first time I've planned. We're planning. I can't wait.

Derek: Me either.

Derek went to bed. He had to work in the morning. Meredith looked around the house. She started grabbing boxes. She was going to pack. They were building a house. They were beginning. It was time to sell this house. She was ready to move forward. That meant so needed to start weeding things out. She was going to sell the house furnished. Most of the furniture in the house was new. There were a few things she would keep. Lois had a lot of antique furniture, that Meredith had packed in a POD. The furniture in their current house wasn't going to fit in well in the new house, which was going to be a little more rustic. Packing John's thinks was the worst. There were things that she knew Jackson would want. She packed them up to ship off. And Matt, he wasn't getting anything. She was going to put some of his things in storage. She couldn't get rid of it all, not yet. Finally around three she decided to go to bed.

Derek: (Stretches.) Ahh, where have you been?

Meredith: Packing.

Derek: Packing?

Meredith: Yes, packing. We will be moving to our house. Our new house. It's sooner than you think. A fresh start. I'm ready.

Derek: I love you, Mer.

Meredith: I love you too.

_Now I picture things._

_Now I picture things._

_Wedding gowns and wedding rings._

_Since I let myself fall in love with you._


	72. Chapter 72

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith awoke in the early afternoon. She was relieved to have a day off. She had a lot more packing to do. She also wanted keep working on the plans for the wedding and the house. Everything felt a little rushed, but at least they were moving along. Sure, things moved along with John, they did at the begin, at least. After they got settled, their lives were on hold. They were stuck between that happy place, and hell. Neither of them living, just existing. Now she was going to start a life with Derek, she couldn't wait. For the first time, it was working out for her. She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the big, comfy chair in the family room. She grabbed her phone and dialed Lynn's number.

Lynn: Hello?

Meredith: Lynn, it's Meredith. How are you?

Lynn: I'm great, dear. How are you?

Meredith: Wonderful. Derek and I, we have a thing...

Lynn: A thing?

Meredith: Yes. A gathering. Next Tuesday. We have an announcement to make. So, I know it's last minute, but we would love for you to be here.

Lynn: Oh, my goodness! Are you pregnant?

Meredith: No, I'm not.

Lynn: Oh. That's not what I wanted to hear! Well, of course I can come. I will book a flight today! So is my son still working himself to death?

Meredith: Of course. You know he wants to be Chief of Surgery someday. So, he has to work hard.

Lynn: There is a difference, between your life and your work.

Meredith: Sometimes your life is your work.

Lynn: Don't let that happen. Not to you guys.

Meredith: I won't. I promise.

Lynn: So, this announcement...

Meredith: You'll have to wait, just like everyone else.

Lynn: You're no fun!

Meredith: I know.

Lynn: Well, I will see you Monday. I will call you back and let you know the details of my flight.

Meredith: I can't wait!

Meredith didn't bother changing her clothes. She still had on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and one of Derek's t-shirts. She was planning on working around the house all day, so she didn't see the point. She went into the library and began packing books into boxes. She was going to keep all of the medical books. The rest of the books were staying. She was leaving the furniture in the library. She was, however taking the desk from John's office and his chair, for the new house. The library looked pretty empty when she was done. She was satisfied with what she had gotten done. She was beginning to get hungry, she looked at the clock and was surprised at how long she had been working. She went into the kitchen and made herself a sandwich. It was a nice warm day. She grabbed a book and headed to the back yard. She sat down in the hammock and began reading the book and eating her sandwich. She was engrossed in the book, she didn't even hear the large wooden gate open. She was startled when a man's figure approached her.

Matt: Hey.

Meredith: (She gasped.) Matt! Wha-what are you doing here?

Matt: They said you were off today. I thought I'd come by and visit.

Meredith: Oh, um. I'm kind of busy... You really should go...

Matt: God, you even look sexy dresses in that. Besides, you don't look busy...

Meredith: I am, I'm packing... Right now, actually. I need to get back in. (She gets up. She is freaked out. She feels a little threatened.)

Matt: I could help.

Meredith: No, it's okay. _Really._ (She looks down, remembering her cell phone is in her hand. She pretends it is vibrating. She flips it open and puts it to her ear.) Oh hey, Cristina. What's going on? Wait a sec. (She covers the phone.) I have to take this... (She walks quickly in the house and shuts the door in his face, making sure it is locked first. She wants to run, but she's afraid of what he will do if she panics.) _This is crazy, right? He would never hurt me! Right?_ (Matt tries to open the door, which is locked. He knocks. Something makes her turn around. She has visions of him breaking through the door. She doesn't want him to know she's afraid. All she can think of is what Melanie said, "_My brother is poison." _She goes to the door.)

Matt: _What the fuck?_ Mer, you shut the door.

Meredith: Oh, sorry. Cristina says your sister is asking for you. You really should go. She's getting upset.

Matt: What? I-

Meredith: She's upset. You should go.

Matt: Okay. See you later? _Shit._

Meredith: Okay. (She dials Cristina's number.) Cristina.

Cristina: What?

Meredith: (She was sounding a little panicked.) Matt is here, well was here. I was in the backyard. He just came in.

Cristina: How did he get your address?

Meredith: Who knows. He freaked me out. I told him I was talking to you. I told him you said his sister wanted him. I was afraid, I had to get rid of him. I'm sorry.

Cristina: Whatever. I'm not afraid of him. I'll deal with it.

Meredith: What am I going to do?

Cristina: Hopefully he leaves town.

Meredith: Hopefully.

Cristina: Mer-

Meredith: Yeah?

Cristina: If he comes back, don't answer the door, okay?

Meredith: I won't. Hey, don't tell Derek, okay?

Cristina: Fine.

Meredith: See you later.

Cristina: Bye.

Burke: What's going on?

Cristina: It's Meredith. No big deal.

Burke: You told her not to open the door.

Cristina: Yeah, that Matt guy is stalking her. It's no big deal.

Burke: Stalking is no big deal?

Cristina: Mer is a big girl, she can handle herself. (She hopes she convinced him. She hadn't convinced herself.)

Burke: Well, if you say so.

Meredith spent the whole day looking out the windows. It was a nice day. A nice sunny day, and she had all of the curtains and blinds closed. She never closed them. She felt like he was watching her. She felt like every move she made was under surveillance. She made sure she turned on the house alarm. She continued to pack more things up. She placed all the boxes in the library, that way they would be easy to move. The day went quickly. Cristina called her every hour to check in. She kept making stupid excuses as to why. Meredith knew better. Meredith knew her friend was worried about her. She made sure Cristina didn't tell anyone about Matt. She didn't want Derek to worry about it. Around six o'clock she decided to order a pizza, she was starving. Hopefully Derek would be home soon. She sat down at the table, pouring over the paperwork for the house. Tomorrow they had to meet with the builders. She sprang to attention when the house alarm started blaring. She ran over to the fireplace and grabbed the fire stoker. Was it him? Was it Matt? Derek wasn't due home for an hour. She ran and hid around the corner. She was going to crack whoever it was across the head. The garage door opened slowly. She swung hard, hitting him in the abdomen.

Derek: Holy shit, Meredith! (He doubles over.)

Meredith: Oh my God, Derek. Are you okay?

Derek: Shit! You are strong for your size. (He hold his stomach.)

Meredith: I'm so sorry. (She runs over lifts his shirt, revealing a huge red mark.)

Derek: (He covers his ears.) The alarm. Turn it off. (She does.) Why did you have that thing on?

Meredith: Uh- (Her face turns pale.)

Derek: And why are you armed? What's going on? Meredith, you have this place locked down. What the hell is going on?

Meredith: I'm fine, everything is fine. I just. I watched a scary movie earlier, that's all.

Derek: Mer-

Meredith: I'm fine!

Derek: Meredith! I'm not- (The doorbell rings.)

Meredith: That's the pizza. (She runs to the door and gets the pizza. She brings it back into the kitchen, hoping he had forgotten.)

Derek: So, let's talk...

Meredith: Ah, pizza. I love pizza. (She grabs plates and napkins.) What do you want to drink?

Derek: Stop avoiding.

Meredith: I'm not. It was a movie. Beer? I'm having a beer. Want one?

Derek: (Groans.) Yeah.

Meredith and Derek ate their pizza and finished looking over the layouts for the house. Tomorrow they were finalizing it. They would be breaking ground by the beginning of next week. Derek took and shower. Meredith got out of bed and looked out the window several times. She could swear she saw Matt's car drive by. Now she was just being paranoid. Matt wasn't driving by. He wasn't a stalker. He wasn't obsessed. Was he? Derek got out of the shower and climbed into bed with Meredith. When her turned off the light, Meredith latched on to him like a magnet. She was holding on to him tightly. He knew it wasn't a movie. He knew something was wrong. He's a man, men _know_ things about other men. Derek knows Matt isn't going to leave peacefully. Was he?

-------------

**Okay, it's true. I'm a review junkie, so please, support my habit! I spent a lot of time watching season one this weekend. I never realized how much time our favorite bartender, Joe, spends assisting in the OR. Did anyone else ever notice that?**


	73. Chapter 73

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek was at the kitchen table eating a bowl of Muesli, when Meredith came downstairs. He had opened of the curtains and blinds. She wasn't going to say anything about it. She was praying that he wouldn't. She walked over and grabbed a bowl and spoon. She looked at him while she poured milk in the bowl.

Derek: Good morning. (He smiled.)

Meredith: Good morning. (She smiled back.)

Derek: So, you had a death grip on me last night...

Meredith: I did not.

Derek: Yes, you did. I loved it, made me feel needed. So what happened? Why were you so upset?

Meredith: The movie, Derek. The movie scared me. How many times do I have to tell you that?

Derek: Ahh, and what movie was this? What was it called.

Meredith: I, uh. I can't remember.

Derek: I think I know. I think the main characters were Matt and Meredith.

Meredith: What are you talking about?

Derek: Is he bothering you?

Meredith: No. Can we please not talk about this right now?

Derek: Fine. Are you riding to work with me?

Meredith: That's fine. Sure. Whatever.

Derek: What is wrong with you?

Meredith: Nothing. I'm just trying to start my day off right. So far, it's not happening.

Derek and Meredith were silent during the ride to the hospital. Derek didn't need to be there that early. He wanted to go with her. He wanted to protect her, but he didn't want her to know that. _One more day. _Meredith thought. _Just one more day, and he will be gone._ But what if he doesn't leave? What if he decided to move to Seattle. At least once Melanie goes home, he won't have a reason to be at Seattle Grace. Knowing him, he would volunteer, or find a reason to be there daily. He had been living off of his parents money for a very long time. He didn't need to go home and work. When Derek pulled in the parking lot she looked all around, looking for his car. She didn't see it. That didn't mean he wasn't there. It was only five in the morning, if he was there, he was definitely stalking her. Visiting hours didn't start for quite a while. She and Derek walked into the hospital. Chief Webber was in the lobby and Derek stopped to talk to him. Meredith took the stairs. Derek took notice. Meredith quietly crept up the stairs. Every time she heard a door open, she held her breath. She heard it once again. She looked back and as she did, she ran right into Mark. She shrieked.

Mark: Whoa there, Firecracker!

Meredith: Sorry. You scared me.

Mark: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine. Hey you're discharging Melanie Taylor today, right?

Mark: Yeah, why?

Meredith: I was just wondering.

Mark: Are you sure you're okay? You look pale. You're acting a little paranoid.

Meredith: I'm fine, really. I have to go. Have a good day.

Mark: You too. (She continues up the stairs, he watches her.)

Meredith continued on her journey. She got to her floor. The locker room in her sight was like her salvation. She made it. Now all she had to do was avoid Melanie and Matt. She swung the door open and headed straight to her locker. Her stomach was doing flips. She was nervous about seeing him. It was inevitable, she knew it. He was everywhere she didn't want him to be.

Cristina: Are you okay?

Meredith: I think he was driving by the house last night. No, he wasn't. I'm paranoid, right? Now I have to avoid him all day. Damn-it!

Cristina: Did you tell McDreamy?

Meredith: No, and I'm not going to. I can handle this on my own.

Cristina: You know he isn't leaving, right? You will have to confront him eventually.

Meredith: I was planning on avoiding him the rest of my life.

Cristina: Yeah, that's going to work. (Izzie walks in with George.)

Izzie: What's going on?

Cristina: Mer is avoiding Matt.

Izzie: Good luck with that. Why do all the hot ones have issues? I swear.

George: Maybe if you considered other guys, average guys.

Izzie: I am not like that. I don't judge guys by their looks. I dated some ugly guys.

George: Like who? (Alex walks in.)

Izzie: Alex.

Alex: What?

Cristina: Barbie was just telling us how she has dated ugly guys. Mainly, you.

Alex: Hey, I'n not ugly. Just ask the nurses, they can't resist.

George: They would know. You are working your way through the hospital. Floor by floor.

Alex: You bet I am.

Izzie: You're an ass! (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: Pre-rounds. Let's go!

Bailey gave Melanie to Meredith. Meredith couldn't believe it. Just her luck. The one room she was planning on avoiding all day, and she gets assigned to it. A few days ago, Bailey was kicking her out, now she was assigning her to Melanie. It was early. Visitors were not permitted yet. But Matt was famous for not playing by the rules. She has always known that. She opened the door and whispered Melanie's name, then she switched the light on.

Meredith: I'm here to check on you.

Melanie: I'm fine. A little early, don't you think?

Meredith: Too early... (She checks everything over and marks her chart.) Everything looks good. You and Matt can go home today. Mark-Dr. Sloan will discharge you today.

Melanie: I don't think he's going with me.

Meredith: What?

Melanie: He wants to stay. I told you. Now Seattle can have his worthless ass.

Meredith: But he has to go...

Melanie: Has he said anything to you?

Meredith: About what?

Melanie: I think you know...

Meredith: No, he hasn't.

Melanie: He will...

Meredith: I have to get back to work. So good riddance!

Melanie: Bye. I can't wait to get out of this shit hole.

Meredith got assigned to do a do a valve replacement with Dr. Burke. She was happy to be scrubbing in. She didn't want to be out anywhere where Matt could find her. Cristina was jealous. She was with Addison. Cristina had absolutely no interest in OB. She was going into cardio, yet Bailey insisted on torturing her. Meredith was in the operating room with Burke. Burke was concentrating hard. If there was one thing Meredith liked about Burke, he didn't talk about anything personal. He was all business.

Burke: So, how's the stalking going?

Meredith: (In shock.) Wha-what?

Burke: That friend of yours, Matt. Cristina said something about him stalking you.

Meredith: She's crazy. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Everything is fine.

Burke: Are you sure? This is something you shouldn't fool around with.

Meredith: I'm fine.

Burke: You like to say that, don't you? You've gotten so good at saying it, it's almost like you are beginning to believe it yourself. (Meredith didn't answer.)

Meredith finished the surgery with Burke. She hadn't seen or heard from Matt. Maybe he left, maybe he got the clue. She decided to go get something from the cafeteria, and go outside. She grabbed a salad and a pink lemonade. The trip from the cafeteria to the tables outside was uneventful. No sign of Matt. That was until she saw her friends, and there he was. Loitering. Anger rushed over her whole body.

Matt: Hey.

Meredith: Don't you have something better to do? Like, I don't know...visit with your sister.

Matt: I was hungry.

Meredith: You could eat with her. Besides, we are working. This is our only break. We're tired, we're not in the mood to socialize. (Everyone nodded. They were surprised that she was being so bold.)

Matt: I just thought I would visit with you. You know, talk about our life...

Meredith: According to your sister, you don't have one.

Matt: Hmm, not so friendly today, are we Mer?

Meredith: I am acting just how I do everyday.

Matt: This is funny. See, this is typical Meredith. She was so bold, and nervy growing up. She didn't have family around, so she didn't know how to act. Then she was with John. She turned herself into his puppet. She acted just how he wanted her to. Like a puppet. And now with Derek, she's just a bitch. (Everyone is in shock.)

Meredith: (She throws her lemonade right in his face.) Fuck you, Matt! (She gets up and walks away.)

Alex: Dude, that blew up in your face. (Matt gets up and chases her.)

Matt: Meredith, wait! (She stops.)

Meredith: What?!

Matt: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Meredith: Really? No kidding.

Matt: I didn't mean it. I was mad.

Meredith: Well, it sure flew out of your mouth like you meant it! This is it! This is the last straw. (She points her finger in his face. The other interns are watching intently.) You have been acting like a complete idiot. You don't own me. See those people over there? (She points.) They are my friends! You cannot seem to share me with them. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. (She starts waving her arms at him.) I am going back over to eat my lunch, with my _friends._ You are going upstairs to your sister and you are going home today. This thing we have, this "friendship", it's over! Done.

Matt: But, let me ex-

Meredith: Go, just go. Now! Get the hell out of my face. (She walks back to the table. Her friends are in shock.)

Izzie: Whoa!

Cristina: That was...

Alex: I thought you were going to hit him. Man. You started waving your arms around...

George: What did you say to him? What's going on?

Meredith: Let's just eat our lunch, okay? Damn-it, I wasted my lemonade on that ass! (She grabs George's water.)

George: Hey!

Meredith: You can share!

Cristina: Are you coming to Joe's tonight?

Meredith: No. Derek and I have a thing to do tonight?

Alex: A thing? Oh...A _thing._

Meredith: Not that thing! It's just a- We have plans.

Cristina: Like what?

Meredith: Stuff. How about Friday? Friday is good.

Izzie: I have a date Friday.

Meredith: A date? Do tell...

Izzie: He is a radiology technician.

Cristina: What? He's not even a freaking doctor?

Alex: (He laughs.) The dude with the uni-brow?

Izzie: He does not have a uni-brow! Besides, he's a nice guy. Not an ass like some person I used to date, who is at this table.

Alex: Are you talking about me?

Meredith: You can be an ass sometimes.

Alex: I can go along with that.

Meredith: So you guys are all coming to our house on Tuesday, right?

Alex: For what?

Izzie: The announcement, dumb ass. Yes, I'm coming.

Cristina: I guess. Do I _have _to bring Burke?

Meredith: Yes, Cristina.

Alex: I don't know if I am...

Meredith: Free food and drink...

Alex: I'm in.

George: Callie and I have a-

Izzie: Save it. Callie knows and she's coming.

George: Oh. I guess we'll be there then.

Meredith: Good. Don't worry, I'm not cooking.

Cristina: Thank God for that.

Meredith: Maybe I can cook! You don't know. I haven't really tried.

Cristina: Just face the music.

Meredith: Fine, I can't. Are you happy now? I better get back to Burke. I am on _his_ service today!

Cristina: Way to rub it in, Adulterous Whore!

Meredith: I know you're jealous, Crack-whore.

Izzie: You two are pathetic.

Meredith and Cristina: Shut up, Horny Whore!

Alex: I'm leaving, too many whore at one table. (They all laugh.)

-------------------------

Meredith had managed to stay busy all day. Dr. Burke had her running like crazy. Matt had completely disappeared. She went by Melanie's room, and she was still in there. They were taking forever to discharge her. She didn't even see Derek all day. They had to meet with the builder after work. She made sure she had everything done on time. She didn't want them to be late. She needed to go change her clothes. She headed toward the elevator, and breathed a sigh of relief when it was empty. She leaded against the wall. Just as the doors started to shut, a hand stopped them. _Shit. _Matt walks in. She avoid his lingering gaze.

_**Please don't do what I say**_

_**Cause if you don't love me, its worthless anyway**_

_**Please don't trouble yourself**_

_**You'll only go away in the end**_

Matt: String-bean... (He draws it out.)

Meredith: I can't...

Matt: November 5th was the worst day of my life. Do you know why?

Meredith: No...

_**Please don't follow all my commands**_

_**Cause what's the point in that**_

_**I keep hoping that all of your plans**_

_**Will fall through the roof**_

Matt: (He pulls the emergency stop button. She tenses up.) I can remember it like it was yesterday. You were wearing that green shirt that John hated. The long sleeved one; the one that you loved to wear. And your favorite jeans. The ones that were falling apart. John was at football practice. We were watching. You were talking about a test that was coming up. Biology, I think. I wasn't listening to you. All I could do was watch you. Watch your mouth move, and your amazing eyes. It was in my head. I was finally ready. I had gotten up the nerve. I was getting ready to tell you. You blurted it out, "John asked me to marry him." just like that. I was floored. I felt like my world was ending. And then you said, "I said yes." I tried to pretend I was happy. I tried to act like everything was okay, but it wasn't. Because what I was going to say was that I loved you. I was going to tell you that you didn't belong with John, and that you wouldn't be happy with him. He was serious and dull. You and I were fun. You should have been mine. I have loved you forever. (She tries to talk.) Stop. I need to say this. We could have been happy. But I was a wimp, I never told you. All the sleeping around I did, I was just trying to find another you. I did everything you liked. I dressed in the clothes you liked. Then you did that. You floored me. The day after graduation I left. I went to New York. I couldn't watch you do it. I couldn't watch you give your life to him. I came back for his funeral. I thought that I could have a second chance, and now...

_**Like two ships passing in the night were gone**_

_**Only the moon and the stars in the sky did know**_

_**To cry for me**_

_**As I sailed on**_

Meredith: Matt, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Matt: How could you not know?

Meredith: I was so wrapped up in myself, I never noticed.

Matt: And now--now you have Derek. He's just a replacement. You don't know how to be alone. I'm here Meredith, and I love you.

_**Please don't trouble yourself**_

_**I only want your love**_

_**You keep giving me your help**_

_**Oh please stop playing along**_

_**You know your wasting your energy**_

_**And your breaking my heart**_

Meredith: I love Derek.

Matt: You are using him to fill the void John left.

Meredith: No, I'm not.

Matt: Mer--I know you...

Meredith: Matt, John and I were getting a divorce. I was leaving him for Derek. Derek wasn't a fling, or a replacement. He is the guy. He is the one. I look at him and I feel like no matter what everything will be okay. He makes me whole. He is the man I want to wake up to every morning. I'm sorry. I don't feel that way about you.

_**Oh I can just see it now (I can see it now)**_

_**Your recklessly in love**_

_**Your hearts boiling over**_

_**Oh I can just see it now**_

_**Your coming around**_

Matt: You could. you just have to give us a try...

Meredith: No, Matt. I am not going to be in another loveless relationship.

Matt: Please, Mer. Don't do this to me. (He tears up.)

Meredith: Matt, I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. I can't help who I love.

Matt: Meredith...(It rolls of his tongue, trying to entangle her emotions. She presses the button.)

Meredith: I am going to marry Derek. I am going to live happily ever after with him.

Matt: Please, don't do this to me.

Meredith: Matt, you are hurting me. Please, don't make this harder.

Matt: I can't go through this again...

Meredith: If you really love me, you will find someone who will love you back and you will never think of me again. If you care about me at all, you will walk out of this elevator and never look back. (The doors open to the lobby.)

Matt: I will always love you, Mer. (She looks at his tear-filled eyes. He walks out, and doesn't look back. Derek is standing out in the lobby with Alex. His deep blue eyes meet her green ones. The doors close.)

_**Like two ships passing in the night were gone**_

_**Only the moon and the stars in the sky did know**_

_**To cry for me**_

_**As I sailed on**_

Meredith's ride back up to her floor was peaceful. She felt bad, having to tell him that she had no feelings for him. He wasn't going to come back. She knew him well enough to know that that was the last time she would ever see him again. It was bittersweet. He was the only tie to her past. He was the only one that knew how she was back then. Back before all of the damage had been done. She went right into the locker room and began changing her clothes.

Meredith: He's gone.

Cristina: Who?

Meredith: Matt.

----------------

Matt walks out of the elevator. He feels like he has lost everything. He feels like she was out of his grip. She slide through his fingers like sand. He wasn't sure where to go from here. There he was, Derek Shepherd, the man she gave her heart to. That lucky bastard who was able to steal Meredith Grey's heart. As Matt walked by, Derek turned. Matt walked up to him, tears in his eyes.

_**I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed**_

_**'Cause you said the brains I have went to my head**_

_**Step outside 'cause summertime's in bloom**_

_**Stand up beside the fireplace**_

_**Take that look from off you face**_

_**'Cause you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out**_

Matt: I thought money could buy anything. I thought I could have anything I wanted. I was wrong. There was only one thing I wanted in this world, and you have her. Have a nice life, Derek. (He walks away.)

_**So Sally can wait**_

_**She knows it's too late**_

_**As she's walking on by**_

_**My soul slides away**_

_**But don't look back in anger**_

_**Don't look back in anger**_

_**I heard you say**_

_**At least not today**_

Meredith just sat in the locker room not talking. She didn't want to break his heart. It did, however, feel finished. She was relieved. Matt was gone. He wasn't going to bother her anymore. Alex walks in the locker room, followed by Derek. Meredith looks up at him with a faint smile.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: I am.

Alex: Dude, you are a heartbreaker! That guy was freaking crying!

Izzie: Alex!

Alex: What? She's a destroyer. A crusher. I didn't think you had it on you.

Meredith: I did what I had to do to protect my happiness.

Izzie: So what did he say?

Meredith: None of that matters now. (She looks at Derek. She gets up and grabs his hand.) Let's go start our life together. (They walk out.)

Derek: (He leans in and whispers.) I love you. I'm sorry you had to do that.

Meredith: Me too.

--------------------------

**Thanks to all of you that review daily, I do notice! To the others--you suck! Just kidding, I'm not so great about reviewing myself, so I do understand. You are just readers in the closet. :) As for Joe, he is in "If Tomorrow Never Comes" and "Save Me", I do believe. Let me know id you see him. He is in the background. He does speak, that's how I noticed, and the I saw him from the side and was like "Holy Crap, that's Joe!" I had never noticed and I have watched season one more that I care to admit.**


	74. Chapter 74

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith had been at the hospital for two days. The dinner was tonight, and she had no idea how she was going to pull it off. Lynn could only get a flight that would arrive on Tuesday morning. She had promised Meredith that she would prepare the dinner. Lynn was originally supposed to arrive on Monday, leaving her plenty of time to get everything ready. Now she was going to be a day late. Her flight was going to arrive at nine. It was seven o'clock in the morning. Derek had surgery at seven-thirty and Meredith had gotten up with him. She was going to go to the grocery store and buy all of the supplies that Lynn needed to make the dinner. Meredith had only gotten four hours of sleep and was feeling pretty damn tired. She grabbed her purse and jumped in her Jeep, making her way to the grocery store. She was just pulling in the parking lot when her cellphone rang.

Meredith: Hello?

Lynn: Hello, Dear. I have bad news.

Meredith: Oh God, what?

Lynn: My flight has been delayed, it hasn't even taken off yet.

Meredith: What? You have got to be kidding me. When is it supposed to depart?

Lynn: I am supposed to arrive in Seattle at five.

Meredith: Shit! (She gasps.) Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. This is unbelievable.

Lynn: The dinner, I'm so sorry.

Meredith: It's not your fault. Now what am I going to do?

Lynn: We could go out...

Meredith: No. I don't know, I'll figure it out. (She runs her hand through her hair.)

Lynn: I'm sorry.

Meredith: I have to go. Um, I will make sure that Derek picks you up. See you later. (She hangs up.)

Lynn: Oh dear.

Meredith: (Dials Derek's number. He answers.) Hey.

Derek: Hey. I only have a minute, I'm headed into surgery.

Meredith: We have a problem.

Derek: What?

Meredith: Your mother isn't arriving until five.

Derek: What's wrong with that?

Meredith: What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that?! (She raises her voice.) She is the cook!

Derek: Oh. Well, we could go out.

Meredith: No. That's not how it's supposed to be. No, no, no. (She is getting upset.)

Derek: I will cook.

Meredith: You are working. Besides, you have to pick your mom up, at five.

Derek: So what are we going to do? We could get take out...

Meredith: I am a well-educated, capable person.

Derek: Yes--you are.

Meredith: I will cook.

Derek: What! Mer, no. We will go out. (He begs.)

Meredith: I can do this. I can.

Derek: I have to go. Please. We'll go out.

Meredith: Bye, Derek. (She hangs up.)

Meredith heads into the grocery store. She pulls out the list that Lynn had e-mailed her. She could do this. It can't be that hard. She is a surgeon. All she has to do is follow the directions. Reading words off of paper and following them, simple. Of course the dinner Lynn had planned was complex. It was going to be great. It would have been even better if Lynn were here to do all of the work. She grabbed her cart, and started making her way down the aisles. She threw fresh vegetables, beef tenderloin, garlic, shrimp, tomatoes, cheese, and many other ingredients. Had she completely lost her mind? She was beginning to wonder herself. After buying a cart full of groceries, she headed home. She had a lot of work to do.

Meredith went over the recipes over and over again. She second guessed herself a dozen times. She started cleaning the house and getting everything ready. It was a big day. This was important. After cleaning the house, she started preparing the food that could be cooked early. She knew she was going to have a hard time getting herself ready, as well as the meal. She started making the breadsticks that she was going to serve as an appetizer with different dips. The breadsticks were already made, all she had to do was bake and glaze them. She was on cloud nine when her first project was completed with success. She also pre-made the cocktail sauce that was going to be served with the shrimp cocktail. The day moved along and Meredith had taken a shower, and now it was time to start making the main dish for the meal. She felt like she had everything under control. She pulled out the beef tenderloins and started chopping the mushrooms, shallots and garlic. She followed the steps precisely. Just like surgery, she thought. She was going to wow them. That was until the smoke started to billow. She was burning the mushrooms, and garlic. She quickly got everything under control, and continued. She was covered in food. It was hard enough to cook, let alone for thirteen people. She panicked several times, but got herself under control. She was just finishing up when Derek and Lynn walked in.

Derek: You're really cooking?

Meredith: Yes, now leave my kitchen.

Lynn: (Hugs her.) How are you?

Meredith: Good. Stressed out. Now go! If I have to do this, I want the credit. Or the blame.

Lynn: I'm sure it will be good.

Derek: (Yells from upstairs.) You haven't tasted her ravioli!

Meredith: Derek! It wasn't that bad. (She looks at Lynn.) It was. Look's like I'm as done as I can be for the moment. I need to go get dressed. Everyone will be here soon. Oh, your room is ready with fresh linens.

Lynn: Thank you. It's good to see you!

Meredith: You too. (She goes in their bedroom.)

Derek: Are you going to join me?

Meredith: No! I already took a shower. Besides, I'll never come out. You get me into trouble.

Derek: That was the point.

Meredith: Nope. I have will power.

Derek: You do not. Come on... (He cocks his head.)

Meredith: No, Derek. Now hurry up! (She walks in her closet and puts on a knee-length black dress. The one that Derek loves. He gets out of the shower as she does her hair.)

Derek: Wow. You look amazing.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek: You look even better without it.

Meredith: Later, Dr. Shepherd. Later.

They both head downstairs. Meredith goes in the kitchen and starts putting the appetizers on plates. She hears the door bell ring. Everyone starts coming in one after another. She hears Derek offering them drinks. She goes out and greets everyone, then goes back to the kitchen. Derek is in the living room with them.

Derek: I'm so sorry.

Mark: For what?

Derek: Meredith cooked the meal.

Cristina: Oh, God. Damn-it Preston, I told you we needed to stop somewhere.

Burke: It can't be that bad.

Izzie: Oh, yes. It is.

Addison: You guys!

Callie: Give her a chance.

George: She might pull it off...

Alex: Fat chance.

Ellis: If she's anything like me...this could be a disaster.

Richard: She can do it.

Lynn: It smelled good.

Derek: I will pay for you all to go out to dinner when you leave.

Addison: Derek!

Derek: You have no idea... I'm surprised she hasn't burned the house down yet.

Lynn: Derek, you are not doing that. Not unless someone sneaks food back for us!

Derek: Okay, now who's bad?

Meredith: Okay, everyone...It's ready!

Lynn: Oh, good. (Everyone makes their way into the dining room. The appetizers looked pretty. Everyone takes their seats, and Derek begins pouring wine.)

Addison: These breadsticks are good.

Mark: They are. The dip is good too.

Derek: Wow, Mer.

Meredith: Thanks. I worked on it all day.

Derek: So, I'm sure you are all wondering why you are here. (He looks at Meredith.)

Meredith: We've picked the day!

Lynn: Your wedding day? (She had a huge smile on her face.)

Derek: Yes. One month from today.

Ellis: Are you crazy? That's not enough time!

Lynn: One month? That's thirty days, and today is over. Twenty-nine days?

Izzie: Oh my gosh...

Meredith: I have been planning for awhile.

Cristina: So you're actually going through with this?

Meredith: Yes, Cristina.

Lynn: So, what are you doing? With the wedding.

Meredith: We're getting married in the Italian Riviera.

Izzie: How romantic.

Derek: We know it is short notice, and we realize it is far away. If you can't make it, we will understand. (The interns look at the Chief.)

Richard: I'm sure we can arrange something...

Meredith: I will give you all the details after dinner.

Derek: There's more.

Lynn: I knew it! You're pregnant!

Meredith: No, I'm not pregnant. I haven't gotten pregnant since you asked me on Thursday. (Everyone laughs.)

Lynn: I can hope...

Burke: So, what's the news?

Derek: They broke ground yesterday. We are building a house.

Meredith: On the property.

Mark: You're building a house?

Callie: How awesome is that?

Richard: Do you have blueprints.

Derek: They are in the office. It's timber framed. Five bedrooms.

Richard: That will go nicely with the property.

Ellis: A little rustic, don't you think? Meredith, that's not you.

Derek: Actually, she is the one that had the idea.

Ellis: (Surprised.) Really?

Derek: So we are putting this house up for sale.

Addison: Really...We were actually looking... Mark.

Mark: Oh God. She already wants it.

Derek: It is very "Addison".

Mark: Don't encourage her. I will have to work seven days a week to pay for this.

Meredith: Oh, please! (She laughs.) I will show you around before you leave. (She smiles at Mark.)

Ellis: I will have to see it too. Since I've never been here.

Meredith: Not because you were unwelcome.

Ellis: I suppose if I'd been--(She felt Richard grabbing her leg.)

Meredith: So how was the hospital?

Cristina: I scrubbed in on an aortic aneurysm.

Burke: It was a good one.

Richard: It was busy.

George: I was in the pit.

Alex: I was on the vagina squad.

Addison: Karev!

Alex: Hey-we're not at work!

Izzie: I was with Dr. McDreamy.

Derek: Oh, please. You're at my house, just call me McDreamy!

Ellis: You are McDreamy? (She laughs.) That's all I hear all day. McDreamy this and that. My daughter is marrying McDreamy... So how's you get that name.

All: Cristina! (They all continued small conversation. Meredith brought out the pear and asiago cheese salad. Everyone commented on how good it was. Meredith went into the kitchen and Derek followed.)

Derek: So who helped?

Meredith: What?

Derek: You expect me to believe you made this yourself?

Meredith: I did.

Derek: You... are amazing. (He walks over and kisses her on the neck. The kissing becomes passionate. After a while Cristina comes in, and then walks out.)

Cristina: Pay up! I told you. They can't keep their hands off of each other. (They come out carrying shrimp cocktail.)

Meredith: What?

Izzie: Cristina was talking about how sex crazed you are.

Meredith: What? No.

Alex: They cannot keep their hands off of each other.

Derek: That's not true...

Callie: So, Meredith can't cook, huh? Doesn't seem that way to me... (She tries to change the subject.)

Meredith: Thank you, Callie!

Derek: Oh, no. You never experienced _the_ ravioli. It was rancid.

Meredith: Derek!

Derek: It was date three, I think. She had a quota to meet, you know. Ahh, fond memories. She tried to cook ravioli. It was horrible. She burned the bread. We weren't that hungry anyway. Not for that, at least. (She smacks him in the arm.)

Izzie: Was that when you broke your nose, Der. And Mer- you sprained your ankle?

Lynn: You broke your nose. How on earth?

Cristina: They almost got caught...

Meredith: Cristina! (She is getting stressed out.)

Cristina: What? John's dead. He doesn't care. Yep, they had to sneak out of the house in the morning. John almost caught them. Derek tripped and broke his nose.

Addison: (Laughs.) And he wiped his blood on her alpaca sweater!

Ellis: You cheated on John? You had sex?

Meredith: Oh, God. (She moans.) John and I...we had an understanding. (The understatement of the year.) It's a long story.

Ellis: We will talk about this later.

Meredith: That's like the pot calling the kettle black. Don't you think? (She gives Richard an apologetic look.)

Lynn: Ellis, relax. I think we all know they have a sex life.

Ellis: Oh, I know. I've witnessed her. She and John. How old were you? Sixteen?

Meredith: Oh dear lord. (She covers her face.)

Ellis: I caught them in the act. It sure didn't look like the first time. She definitely knew what she was doing.

Lynn: You let your daughter have sex when she was seventeen? Where the hell were you?

Ellis: I had a job. A very important high power job! I didn't just sit around raising children.

Lynn: Oh, that's all I did? It's a full time job. You would know if you'd done it. Meredith did a great job raising herself!

Ellis: And Derek wasn't having sex at that age?

Lynn: Absolutely not!

Ellis: Sure...Meredith is responsible. I just thank God she never got pregnant. She would have never made it with a child riding on her back. (Everyone looks at Ellis with concern.) What?

Meredith: Yeah, boy was I lucky. So, I'm going to get the beef. (She walks in the kitchen, she needs air. Cristina walks in.)

Cristina: You never told your Mom? About the baby?

Meredith: What part of not speaking to her did you not understand? Did you think we had weekly lunch dates?

Cristina: Geez.

Meredith: Let's just get this shit done. (They come back out with the food. The conversation has moved along.)

Burke: This is wonderful! (Everyone agrees.)

Meredith: I'm glad. (Her mood has changed from happy to sullen.)

Burke: So, I heard your stalker has left.

Derek: What? (He raises his voice.) Stalker?

Meredith: It's nothing.

Burke: I would hardly consider a man sneaking into your backyard nothing!

Meredith: You have got to be freaking kidding me! Cristina!

Cristina: What? He heard me talking to you.

Meredith: You were right to try to leave him at home.

Cristina: I told you...

Derek: You told her, but not me? (Everyone is quiet.) Well this explains why I have a bruise the size of Texas on my stomach.

Lynn: What happened?

Derek: Apparently, Mer's old friends Matt had been stalking her. I came in the other day, and she blasted me with the fireplace stoker.

Meredith: I said I was sorry.

Derek: It's not that...And how the fuck did he get in?

Lynn: DEREK! Language...

Meredith: I don't know. I handled it, didn't I?

Derek: We will talk about this later!

Meredith: Fine. I admit it.

Derek: What?

Meredith: Your "Man-Tuition" was right.

Mark: Mantui-what?

Meredith: Man-tuition. Like woman's intuition. Derek was right. He said Matt was trouble. I think this is why we get along so well. (She is trying to lighten the mood.) See, we can have sex, and I can roll over an go to bed. Derek, on the other hand, needs to cuddle and talk. He's the woman, I'm the man. (Everyone laughs.)

Derek: You did not just say that!

Meredith: Oh, I did! Is everyone ready for dessert? (She brings out lemon sorbet. Everyone makes small talk. The men go down to the basement to look at the house plans. The women stay upstairs and look at the wedding plans.)

Lynn: You did great, Meredith.

Meredith: (Carrying dishes.) Thank you.

Izzie: This is so exciting!

Cristina: Oh yeah. (She rolls her eyes.)

Meredith: Oh, Cristina!

Izzie: So what are the plans?

Meredith: The beach at sunset. Tons of candles. Cristina: You are the Maid of Honor.

Cristina: Oh, yay.

Meredith: Fine. Izzie-

Cristina: No, no. It's me! I'm your person.

Everyone continues to drink and look over everything. They were having a good time. Meredith knew that Derek was really upset with her. She knew there was going to be no fun after everyone left. Ellis told everyone how she had planned Meredith's wedding to John. Meredith didn't have any part in it. Meredith gave everyone a tour of the house. Addison completely fell in love with it. Meredith knew no matter what, that Addison and Mark would end up with it. After a couple of hours, everyone said their goodbyes. Meredith was finishing up the dishes when Lynn came in.

Lynn: You look sad...

Meredith: I wish my mom were here.

Lynn: She was.

Meredith: No, Lois.

Lynn: The mother-in-law.

Meredith: Yeah. You know, she would be here. Even if John hadn't died, and we had gotten a divorce, she would have been here supporting me. She knew about Derek. She was the best. I miss her so much...

Lynn: I'm here. If you want me.

Meredith: I appreciate that. I'm going to get some air. (She goes outside. Derek walks up.)

Derek: Where's Meredith?

Lynn: She's outside. (She could tell he was angry.) Derek?

Derek: Yeah.

Lynn: Be easy on her. She is more fragile than you think.

Derek: I know she is. (He walks out to the hammock. She has her eyes closed.) I'm not going to lie.

Meredith: What?

Derek: I'm not going to lie. I'm pissed! But, I know how you are. It's frustrating as hell. You take one step forward, then I turn around, and there you are ten steps behind me.

Meredith: You have enough going on. I didn't want to worry you. Besides, I knew I could handle it.

Derek: You don't always have to be strong you know. (He lays down on the hammock with her. He wraps his arms around her.)

Meredith: I'm learning that...

----------------------

**I'm so glad the story alerts and review alerts are back...yay! This chapter was hell to write. Maybe because almost all of the characters were in the same room. I hope it was okay.**


	75. Chapter 75

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

The dinner party was a success. Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. The girls gave Meredith tons of input for the wedding. She was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. She thought it would be a lot easier. The flowers, the cake, the dresses. It was all too much to worry about. Especially when you are working one-hundred hour work weeks. Plus it was in Italy and everything had to be shipped or made there. She knew her friends didn't have time to help her. She finally broke down and got ahold of a wedding planner. Her life was going to get much easier. Meredith was walking down the hallway to find Dr. Bailey when her phone rang.

Meredith: Hello?

Sam: Hi Meredith. It's Sam. The attorney.

Meredith: Oh, hi.

Sam: Chris wanted me to let you know that the sentencing is tomorrow.

Meredith: Chris couldn't call me himself?

Sam: After upsetting you, and your friend calling, he didn't think it was best to call you himself.

Meredith: My friend called?

Sam: Yes, um Derek, is that his name?

Meredith: Oh. What time?

Sam: What? I'm not sure-

Meredith: The sentencing.

Sam: Oh, nine.

Meredith: Okay. Thanks for letting me know.

Sam: Have a good day.

Meredith: You too. (She makes her way to Dr. Webber's office.)

Richard: Come in.

Meredith: I need a favor.

Richard: Sit down. Like what?

Meredith: I need to come in late tomorrow. I have a thing.

Richard: A thing... the sentencing?

Meredith: Yeah. (She frowns.)

Richard: No problem. I'll talk to Dr. Bailey about it. I think it will help you. To go, I mean.

Meredith: I don't want to, but I know I need to.

Richard: I had a good time at the dinner. Thanks for including us. Your mother, she's, well you know.

Meredith: Yeah, I do. I'm trying.

Richard: I know it doesn't seem like it, but she is too.

Meredith: I know.

Richard: Now about this wedding...

Meredith: It's crazy, I know.

Richard: You deserve it. That's why I am doing this.

Meredith: Doing what?

Richard: I've talked to Dr. Bailey. She had agreed to let Karev, Stevens, Yang, and O'Malley have four days off. This is a teaching hospital. You interns are students. We can survive without you. Dr. Hahn will be standing in for Dr. Burke. Sloan has pushed his surgeries, and Addison is sending her cases to Dr. Murray. And last but not least is Dr. Torres. So basically the whole hospital will be at your wedding.

Meredith: Oh my gosh! (She is happy, but at the same time overwhelmed. She was expecting that they wouldn't be able to come.) Thank you. Thank you so much.

Richard: You're like a daughter to me.

Meredith: Oh, that reminds me. I wanted to ask you if you would--if you wanted--or could... walk me down the aisle.

Richard: (A huge smile covers his face.) Really? (She nods.) Of course! Yes--I'd be honored!

Meredith: Good. I better get back to work.

Richard: Have a good day. (She walks out. She sees Derek up ahead.)

Meredith: You! (She pointed.)

Derek: Me? (He points at himself.)

Meredith: You called my attorney? What did you say? He was afraid to call me!

Derek: Oh that...It was nothing.

Meredith: Why do you have to be such a man! (She puts her hands on her hips.)

Derek: I thought I was the woman...(He smirks.)

Meredith: Well...

Derek: Last night I was not the woman. Last night I was quite manly if I do say so myself!

Meredith: You. You, and your stupid...boy penis!

Derek: (Laughs, then becomes serious.) Goodbye, doctor.

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd...(She nods and walks off finding Dr. Bailey.)

Bailey: _Where_ have you been?

Meredith: Talking to the Chief.

Bailey: Well we have a bowel resection scheduled. I was getting ready to page you.

Meredith: Sorry.

Bailey: Go prep our patient.

Meredith: Right away.

---------------------

Bailey: So, you owe me big time. (She is working on the patient.)

Meredith: For what?

Bailey: For what! I am giving you my interns for four days. You have single handedly taken five interns from me.

Meredith: Your whiney, kiss-ass, surgery hungry, pain-in-the-ass interns?

Bailey: Yes--those. I am a little disappointed.

Meredith: About what?

Bailey: I wasn't invited.

Meredith: You wouldn't have come.

Bailey: Maybe I would. You don't know.

Meredith: Well, consider yourself invited.

Bailey: I can't come.

Meredith: That's what I thought... (She smiles.)

Bailey: Maybe if you weren't taking the whole hospital staff...

Meredith: Twelve people! That's it.

Bailey: Twelve people from the same hospital. A top neurosurgeon, plastic surgeon, cardio thoracic... Do I need to go on?

Meredith: No...

Bailey: Well, enjoy it. Take it all in. It only happens once.

Meredith: Or twice, in my case. (She chuckles.)

Bailey: I think this will be your last. You know how I feel about attendings dating interns. You two just fit. Now enough of this. You are supposed to be learning, not socializing! If you breath a word...

Meredith: What? That the Nazi is human? I won't say anything.

Bailey: I know you won't. And don't think that fact that you will be married to my boss is going to change anything.

Meredith: I don't.

Bailey: Good!

---------------------------

Meredith tossed and turned in her bed. The blankets were all over. Derek had awoken several times. Each time he would huff, and pull the blankets back over himself. She should tell him. She should. He deserved to know. She knew she was falling into her old trap. Old habits die hard, they say. It was three in the morning. She was tired, but no matter what, sleep wouldn't come. It wasn't Ray. It was Derek. Finally, she caved.

Meredith: Derek. (She whispered.) _It's not too late. He didn't hear me. I could just not tell him._

Derek: Yeah? (He moans.)

Meredith: _Shit._ Nothing.

Derek: Nothing? That's why you've been tossing and turning all night?

Meredith: Fine. The sentencing is tomorrow. Okay. I said it.

Derek: I was wondering if you were going to tell me.

Meredith: You knew?

Derek: Of course. I'm going with you.

Meredith: No, you're not.

Derek: Yes, I am.

Meredith: Why?

Derek: Because you need me.

Meredith: You really don't need to.

Derek: I'm going. Now, goodnight!

Meredith: (Moans.) Fine. (She rolls over and falls right asleep.)

---------------------

Derek: You need to eat.

Meredith: I can't. I'm not hungry anyway.

Derek: You really need to eat.

Meredith: Please! I'm fine.

Derek: Okay. (He grabs the paper. She sits, looking out the window. Neither of them talk for a long time. Derek looks at his watch.) We need to go.

Meredith: Yeah... (The ride to the courthouse was silent. He could tell she was on edge. Anyone in her position would be. They go in and sit down.)

Sam: Meredith, I'm glad you came. (He puts out his hand.) Derek.

Meredith: I'm not. (She said sternly. She was now regretting this.)

Sam: (He looks at Derek who nods.) I understand. It should be quick.

Meredith: I cared. I did. But it was just too hard. I couldn't do it.

Sam: I know.

Bailiff: All rise. Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Hackler, presiding. (He motions for everyone to sit. Meredith quite listening. She couldn't do this. She wanted to run. She would have, had Derek not had his hand on her leg. They brought Ray in. He looked her right in the eyes. A shiver washed over her body.)

Ray's Attorney: My client would like to address Mr. Thompson's family. (The Judge looks at Meredith. She nods.)

Ray: (He turns to her.) Meredith. You will never know how sorry I am. You were completely innocent. It was never you. You did nothing wrong. I turned you from a confident child, to an untrusting, unhappy adult. I know what I did was wrong. I can't change the past. If I could, I would. It was inappropriate and unacceptable. I never meant to hurt you. I had never realized how I had affected you until now. Now that I have looked in your eyes, I know that I've changed the course of your life. If you had never met me, you would have been better off. I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't even deserve it. So please, try to be happy. Try to move on. (He turns, and faces the judge.)

Judge: Mr. Jenson--(Meredith just keeps playing his words, over and over. She quit listening to the judge. Then she heard it.)...25 years in a state penitentiary. (They put hand cuffs on him and walk him out. He looks back at her one time. She could see it in his eyes, for the first time ever. It was compassion. She quickly walks out of the courtroom and to the nearest restroom, and begins to cry. Derek rushes in after her.)

Lady: Sir, are you aware this is the ladies room? (She snaps.)

Derek: Yes. (He points.) She needs me. (The lady leaves.) Meredith. (She doesn't answer. He walks into the next stall and stand on the toilet, looking down.) Hey.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: I'm here.

Meredith: I know. It was just...intense. He's sorry Derek. (She cries.) He was never supposed to be sorry. It was easier to hate him. And now. Do I have to forgive him? Is it wrong if I do? What if I don't? (She cries. He climbs down and she opens the door. He embraces her.)

Derek: Whatever you need to do it fine. It doesn't matter what's right or wrong. It's about what you need, what makes you better.

Meredith: Let's go home..

Derek: Okay. (They walk out.)

Woman: Excuse me, Mrs. Thompson?

Meredith: Yes?

Woman: I'm Joyce. Ray's daughter. (She was older than Meredith by a few years.) I'm sorry, about what happened. What was my dad talking about. I don't understand.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Joyce: It sounded like you had a past. It sounded like he hurt you. He wasn't talking about the incident---the _murder_. (She almost whispered.)

Meredith: (Looks at Derek, and back at Joyce.) Your dad dated my mom. We didn't get along. That's all. Have a nice day.

Joyce: (Relief washed over he face.) Oh, good. I was worried. He's not a bad guy...

Derek: Bye. (They walk away and make it to the car.)

Meredith: I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her who her father really is.

Derek: I know.

Meredith: I looked at her face. He deserved it. I should of told her. I just couldn't. I couldn't ruin her life, tarnish her father.

Derek: It was big of you.

Meredith: I'm glad you came.

Derek: I will always be here for you. Always.

---------

**This wedding is stressing me out! I think it is going to be very hard to write. It should be coming soon. I am still researching.**


	76. Chapter 76

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Izzie: So, two weeks!

Meredith: Yeah.. (She seems distracted. She is staring out into space.)

Izzie: Are you okay?

Meredith: Honestly?

Izzie: Of course.

Meredith: I am freaking out.

Izzie: Why? Everything will be fine. He's your McDreamy.

Meredith: I know. But--what if it changes everything. Look at what happened with John and I...

Izzie: That was different.

Meredith: Am I rushing? It feels like I'm rushing... (She covers her face with her hands. Addison walks up.)

Addison: Is she okay?

Izzie: She's freaking out. She's getting nervous. About the wedding.

Addison: I was too.

Meredith: Really?

Addison: Yes. It's a big step. In your case, it is the right step. You and Derek, you were made for each other. (Her pager goes off.) I have to go. It will be fine. (She pats her on the back and walks away. The other interns walk up and sit down at the table with her.)

Meredith: Did you guys get your gowns fitted yet? Did Jenny call?

Cristina: The wedding planner? She's a real pain in the ass.

Meredith: Yes-- a very expensive one. Just do what she says.

Cristina: Yes, I did last week.

Izzie: I went, so did Callie.

Meredith: I hope Addison did.

Cristina: Are you kidding? She was probably the first.

Izzie: So about the trip. When are we supposed to get our tickets and book our hotels?

Meredith: It's been taken care of.

Izzie: It has? (George looks relieved.)

Meredith: Everything is ready. We're interns. Poor ones. Did you think I expected you all to fork over the money to fly around the world to my wedding? Everything is ready. You just need to show up.

Alex: I can do that. Why am I going again? (Izzie smacks him.)

Izzie: Because.

Alex: Maybe I can meet some hot Italian woman.

Izzie: You're an ass.

Alex: I know. (He smiles.)

Meredith: Well, I need to get back to work.

Izzie: See you later.

Meredith heads to look for Derek. He stayed at the hospital last night. She sees him leaning against the wall, looking at a chart. She stops dead in her tracks. She takes it all in. She is so lucky, anyone would be grateful to be in her position. To have a man that loved her as much as he does. After a while he sees her, and flashes his trademark smile. She walks over.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Hey.

Meredith: I missed you.

Derek: I missed you too.

Meredith: We should be able to be apart for more than a night.

Derek: We should, but I don't want to, do you?

Meredith: No.

Derek: You look nervous. Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine.

Derek: It's the wedding, isn't it? We should have eloped.

Meredith: I would have never been able to face your mother again.

Derek: Me either. (He chuckles.)

Meredith: So, I was going to stop by the property after work.

Derek: No you weren't.

Meredith: Yes, I was.

Derek: I stopped yesterday. Everything is perfect.

Meredith: I want to see it.

Derek: It's a surprise. You aren't going to see it until we get back from Italy.

Meredith: But--

Derek: No. Promise me.

Meredith: Fine--but this isn't right.

Derek: Okay. I need to get to my patient. See you tonight?

Meredith: Sure. Maybe I'll cook...

Derek: After the big dinner you pulled off...I don't consider that a threat!

-----------------

Meredith was still feeling the stress of the wedding as she drove home. She couldn't imagine doing herself. It would have been a huge disaster. She could feel the throbbing in her lower back. Any time she was stressed, it pounded. The house was quiet, as usual. Derek wasn't going to be home for awhile. She didn't feel like cooking. She wasn't even hungry. With all the stress lately, she hadn't been eating like normal. She decided to throw her bathing suit on and climb in the hot tub. The hot water quickly soothed her aching back. She closed her eyes and finally relaxed.

Derek walked into the quiet house. She hadn't cooked any dinner, and he was starving. He called out for Meredith several times. She didn't answer. He ran upstairs to their bedroom, and didn't see her. Finally he looked out the window and saw her in the hot tub. She looked relaxed. It wasn't a bad idea, he thought. He threw on his suit and went outside, climbing in with her.

Meredith: (Her eyes open.) Ahh! You scared the crap out of me!

Derek: I didn't mean to. (He goes over and leans with her.)

Meredith: I thought I should use this hot tub one last time. It won't be long before we don't have it anymore.

Derek: Maybe we should have one at our new house.

Meredith: We barely use this one.

Derek: True, very true.

Meredith: So how was your day?

Derek: Good.

Meredith: Good. It won't change, will it?

Derek: What?

Meredith: Us. Will we lose our passion? Will we be dull?

Derek: Us, dull? Never!

Meredith: Everyone says everything changes when you get married.

Derek: With us, it will just get better.

Meredith: Promise?

Derek: I promise. (He starts kissing her neck.)

Meredith: I swear...

Derek: What? You don't expect me to keep my hands off of you when you look like that, do you? (He covers his mouth with hers, and pulls her bathing suit top off.)

Meredith: We should break this in before we leave.

Derek: That's all I'm saying. (She straddles him, and he begins to kiss her chest.)

------------------------

_Two days. Just two days. My life will change forever. Derek will be all mine._ Meredith thought. She and Derek are waiting for the cab to show up. They were all meeting each other at the airport. It was amazing. All of her friends were going to be there. She wanted to elope, but the closer it got, the more she knew she needed and wanted them all to be there. The ride to the airport went quickly. She was so excited when she saw her friends smiling faces. She knew this was the right decision. There was no question about it. They all boarded the plane, for the long flight. After a few hours Meredith opened her eyes.

Derek: Come on...

Meredith: What?

Derek: I'm going to make you a member.

Meredith: Of what?

Derek: The mile-high club.

Meredith: How do you know I'm not already? (She raised her eyebrows.)

Derek: Well, if that's the case, I will renew your membership. (He has a small look of jealousy on his face. He grins, gets up and walks to the bathroom. She waits a few minutes and follows.) I didn't think you we're going to show up.

Meredith: I always show up...So, are you going to initiate me to the club, or not?

Derek: So you aren't a member? (He smiles.)

Meredith: John was a germ-a-phob. He would have never done this. (She grabs the back of his head and pulls his into a deep kiss. He pushes her against the door and pulls up her shirt. Someone knocks on the door.) Shit! (She whispers.)

Alex: Are you almost done in there! I have to pee! (He whimpers annoyingly.)

Meredith: Uh, no. Go away.

Alex: Give it up. We know what you're doing in there. (He laughs.)

Meredith: He has totally dampened the mood.

Derek: Not for me. You're a screamer, he will go away.

Meredith: I am not!

Derek: That would explain why the night we were in the hot tub, the neighbors came out and asked if everything was okay. You're a screamer. I like the screaming, I'm all for the screaming, more screaming, I say! (She pushes him against the wall. She starts unbuttoning his pants, as he unbuttons hers.) Oh God, Mer. I love you. (She wraps her legs around him and he turns, pushing her against the wall.)

Meredith: I love you too. (She moans as he thrusts into her.)

Alex: Okay, I'm leaving. (He walks away, and plops down next to George.) They are totally doing it in the bathroom.

George: I don't want to hear that!

Alex: Well, I wouldn't use that bathroom if I were you.

George: Dear, God. (He covers his ears.) Please make it stop!

Alex: Grow up Bambi! (The chief walks by.) Where you going, Chief.

Richard: To the restroom.

Alex: I would wait a while if I were you. Someone has been in there a long time!

Richard: Thanks for the heads-up. (He sits back down. Meredith and Derek take their seats.)

Meredith: That was the best initiation ever!

Derek: It was for me too...so, do you want to talk, or cuddle? (He laughs.)

Meredith: (She smacks him.) Nope, I thought I'd sleep! (He laughs again.)

----------------

**Okay, I am going to work on the wedding. Hopefully it will be up today. You guys have high standards. I hope I can do it...**


	77. Chapter 77

Meredith was getting antsy. The long flight was too much. She wanted to get up and start running down the aisles. Finally the captain announced that they would be arriving shortly. Meredith's eyes lit up. Derek put his hand on her thigh, he always made her fell loved, and cared for. As the plane broke through the clouds, she could see the bright blue water. It was perfect. She looked around and took it in. She never wanted to forget a minute of this.

Derek: We're here.

Meredith: Yes--we are. (She smiled.) It's perfect.

Derek: You're perfect.

They all got off of the plane and began gathering their luggage. Meredith had learned some Italian in college, so they weren't doing to badly. She couldn't wait to get outside and breathe the fresh air. Everyone looked pretty ecstatic. None of them had ever been to Italy. It was all so exciting, so busy. They hailed several cabs to take them to their hotel. The drive to the hotel was breathtaking. The coastline was perfect. Meredith had never seen anything like it. The ride was short, and they arrived at their hotel, San Pietro di Positano. As everyone exited their cabs they just stared. The hotel was fabulous, as they walked in the looked at the intricate ornamentation on the walls and ceiling. There was green foliage everywhere. It was bright and refreshing. Derek and Meredith went to the desk and settled everything. Mark and Addison had their own room, as did Ellis and Richard, Burke and Cristina. Derek, Alex and George were together. Meredith, Callie and Izzie were together, and Lynn had her own room. Lynn had insisted that Meredith and Derek don't have room together out of tradition. All of the rooms were suites. Meredith and Derek were going all-out. If they were going to do this, they were doing it right.

When they all got to their rooms they were in shock. Everything was so perfect, so exquisite. Derek muttered something about having to be with George and Alex. Lynn just smacked him in the arm. Two days, he thought. Two days and she would be with him. They all unloaded their luggage and decided to go check everything out. The groups broke up. Meredith, Derek, Mark and Addison went out to one of the terraces. The sea was so beautiful. It was calming to watch the sea, the tide coming in, going out. The looked out at the breathtaking Maritime Alps. Derek leaned over and kissed Meredith.

Derek: You did good. This is perfect.

-------------------

Meredith and Derek met with Jen, the wedding planner. Everything was coming along. So far, no problems. After a day of site seeing, they all decided to go out to dinner. The reception was going to be at the hotel after the wedding, so they decided to go to town and try one of the finer restaurants in the area. They settled on Via Matteo Camera in Amalfi. The restaurant was filled with antiques, tall candles, lace tablecloths, and marble floors. Romantic music played in the background.

Izzie: This is amazing.

Callie: George, we are getting married here!

George: (Has a mortified look on his face.) Um...

Lynn: This is perfect, Meredith. Absolutely perfect.

Ellis: You did good, honey. (Meredith smiled. Her mom was actually acting human.)

Addison: Mark and I got married in New York. This is, wow. I wish I'd thought of it.

Burke: So what is everyone having? I'm leaning towards the ravioli with squid. (Meredith wrinkled her nose.) Not a fan?

Meredith: Um, no. I am going to have the ricotta stuffed ravioli. (Everyone rattles off what they are going to have. Derek orders a bottle of wine for the table.)

After the dinner, everyone separated. Meredith and Derek went down to the beach. Derek sat down in the sand, Meredith sat in front of him and leaned back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

**Somewhere beyond the sea,**

**Somewhere waitin' for me,**

**My lover stands on golden sands**

**And watches the ships that go sailing.**

Meredith: I just want to stay here. Right here, forever.

Derek: You wouldn't miss the hospital?

Meredith: Not if I had you. (The waves crash against the sand.)

Derek: I never knew life could be so perfect.

Meredith: Neither did I. (An hour goes by, and Cristina and Burke walk up.)

Burke: This is nice.

Derek: Yes--it is. (Burke gives Cristina a look.)

Cristina: Okay, fine. It's great. (She rolls her eyes.)

Meredith: Maybe we should have just gotten married by the dumpsters at the hospital of it's that bad.

Burke: She likes it.

Cristina: Lynn wanted me to let you know that she is watching. And that you will not be staying in the same room!

Derek: I _knew_ we should have eloped!

Burke: You were going to elope?

Meredith: Yes. I wanted to. But Cristina, who _hates_ this, convinced me otherwise.

Cristina: My person was not going to get married by herself! (Meredith yawns.)

Derek: Are you tired?

Meredith: Yeah, I am.

Burke: Me too.

Derek: Well let's head back to our _separate_ rooms. Preston I hope you enjoy your room. I know I will... not.

Meredith: Quit being a baby. We will be together soon enough...

----------------------

The next morning Meredith woke up to the sun shining in her eyes. There was no one else in the room. She looked over at the clock, it was eight-thirty. The must all be at breakfast. She couldn't believe they didn't wake her up. She rolled over and covered her head with the blanket. The bed was comfortably, she could stay there all day. Especially if Derek was there. Someone knocked at the door, and then it opened. Derek walked in her room.

Derek: Good morning, sleepyhead.

Meredith: I can't believe no one woke me up!

Derek: They said you looked tired. You didn't miss much. I brought you crepes.

Meredith: Oh, yum. I don't want crepes.

Derek: (Frowns.) You don't?

Meredith: Nope. I want you! (She pulls him down into the bed with her.) I missed you. (He starts to kiss her neck.)

Derek: (Talks into her neck.) Me too.

Addison: Uh hum! (The both shoot heir heads up.) You are breaking the rules!

Derek: Addi...

Addison: Nope. I don't want Mama Shepherd mad at me! Get off of the bed.

Derek: Fine. (He grumbles.) It was worth the try.

---------------------

They all spent the day site seeing. The Ligurian Sea was beautiful. It was the most beautiful shade of blue. Derek was in shock when Meredith surprised him with a ferry boat ride to a small exotic island. There they had lunch, just the two of them. They all met up at the hotel in the middle of the day and headed to Riviera di Ponente. The "Riviera delle Palme" (Riviera of Palms) and "Riviera dei Fiori" (Riviera of Flowers) were amazing. All of the flowers in the ceremony were going to be from local growers. The men weren't so enthused with all of the flowers, so they ventured off to find something else to do. The woman walked around for hours smelling flowers and taking in the sights. Towards the end of the day they all met up for dinner. This time they went to Il Pitosforo. They all ate outside on the waterfront. Each trying a different dish. The seafood was wonderful. After dinner they all walked on the beach, then turned in. All of the girls surprised Meredith by showing up in her room.

Meredith: You guys!

Addison: I know you said you didn't want a bachlorette party...

Cristina: So we're not giving you one.

Izzie: We're just here to hang out.

Callie: Like a sleep-over.

Addison: And no tequila!

Meredith: Okay, fine.

Izzie: Just us, and the finest bottle of Italian wine...

Meredith: Ok, but I don't want to have massive hangover in the morning.

The girls all pass the bottle around. After a while they all start to get goofy and giggly.

Izzie: So Addison...How did you meet Mark?

Addison: Derek introduced us. I went out with Derek on a date, and he gave me Mark's number. After the first date, I vowed I would never see him again. He called me every day for a week. Finally I caved.

Callie: That's so sweet.

Addison: Iz- you and Alex.

Izzie: Oh no, that ship has sailed...

Meredith: Oh come on Iz...you still have feelings for him...

Cristina: It's true...(She starts to laugh hysterically.)

Callie: What's so funny?

Meredith: She's drunk.

Cristina: Am not!

They all sat up talking and laughing for hours. Eventually everyone fell asleep except Meredith and Addison.

Addison: So tomorrow's the day...

Meredith: Yes, it is.

Addison: I hope you realize how happy you make him. He's like a different person now. Before he was just here, and now he's living. You are everything to him. I'm so happy for you both.

Meredith: Thank you.

Addison: I'm tired.

Meredith: Me too. (They both close their eyes and fall asleep.)


	78. Chapter 78

Meredith was in a total panic. She didn't want to tell anyone. It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Derek. She was just worried, about everything. The ceremony was in a few hours. Everyone was starting to get ready, and she was in the bathroom puking her guts out.

Addison: Meredith, are you okay?

Meredith: I'm good... (She vomits again.)

Addison: I'm coming in...(She walks in.) Oh Mer. (She hold her hair back.)

Meredith: It's okay. I'm nervous.

Addison: This is right. This is how it is supposed to go. You two were meant for each-other.

Meredith: I'm not worried about me. Is this really what he wants?

Addison: I can say without a shadow of a doubt...yes. Definitely.

Meredith: (Smiles.) Really?

Addison: Quit worrying, and wondering. Just take it on faith. Now lets get you dressed. You are getting married!

Meredith: I am getting married.

Cristina came in an helped Meredith get dressed. Meredith loved her mother, but she wanted Cristina. Meredith looked breathtaking. The strapless ivory colored Vera Wang gown had Chantilly and lace appliques, a pleat-trimmed skirt and apron tulle overlay. It complimented her body perfectly. She stood in front the mirror, Ellis comes in. Cristina leaves.

Ellis: You look beautiful!

Meredith: Thank you.

Ellis: I need to say something, and I need you to just listen.

Meredith: Okay.

Ellis: I know I was a terrible mother. I was never around. I loved you, I did. It wasn't that I didn't think you were smart enough to go to medical school, because you were. I didn't know you. I didn't know what your dreams or aspirations were. I just thought you were following me. If it isn't what you want, you will never make it. That is why I didn't think you could. I never knew what you wanted. When you were with John, I thought it was a good thing. He loved you, he was bound to be successful. I thought it was perfect. That way if you didn't make it, he would take care of you. So now, standing here in front of you, I realize now that this is what you want. I can't change the past. I wish I hadn't pushed you into something you didn't want. I'm sorry. (Ellis and Meredith both have tears running down.) But now I know that you will be with someone who will cherish you for the rest of your life. I love you Meredith. (She hugs her.)

Meredith: I love you too, Mom. (Ellis leaves, and Lynn comes in.)

Lynn: I am so happy for you. I have never seen a more beautiful bride in my life. Thank you for making my son so happy. (She hugs her. Everyone else comes in.)

Izzie: We have to do your hair and makeup!

Meredith: I'm ready.

When they are done, they all look at each other. The bridesmaids were all wearing deep-garnet colored long strapless gowns. Everyone had their hair in an up-do. Meredith's hair was up and had tiny white roses throughout the bun. She looked unbelievable. They all made their way to the terrace.

Derek is in his room, standing in an Armani suit. He had never felt so comfortable, so sure of anything in his life. For once, his life was perfect, just the way he wanted to be. Richard walks in.

Richard: Nervous?

Derek: Not at all. I have never been so sure of anything in my life.

Richard: That's great. It doesn't always happen that way. I loved Adele, but Ellis was always in my heart. You two, you have it. You always will.

Derek makes his way to the terrace. It is completely lit up with candles. The sun is just getting ready to set. The warm yellow and orange tones were reflecting off of the sea. Derek looks over at Mark, who winks. Everyone that has ever seen them together knows that this is perfect. They are meant to be. He looks up and sees Izzie walk down the 'aisle'. Followed by Callie, Addison and Cristina. Then she appears with Richard on her arm. He had never seen anyone so beautiful, so perfect in his life. She is carrying a bouquet of ivory calla lilies and french tulips. She looks like and angel. Her eyes look onto his. It didn't matter who else was there. It was only them. Richard kisses her on the cheek. Meredith places her hands in Derek's. The officiate starts to speak.

Officiate:

Good evening, and welcome to the ceremony that will unite Derek and Meredith in marriage. We gather here today to celebrate their union, and to honor their commitment to not just gazing at one another, but to looking outward together in the same direction. Today Derek and Meredith proclaim their love to the world, and we rejoice with and for them.

In marriage, we give ourselves freely and generously into the hands of the one we love, and in doing so, each of us receives the love and trust of the other as our most precious gift. But even as that gift is shared by two people who are in love, it also touches the friends and family members who in various ways support and contribute to the relationship. All of you are Derek and Meredith's community, and each of you has played some part in bringing them to this moment. This is why gathering as a community is such an important part of a wedding ceremony. Because Derek and Meredith are now taking a new form as a married couple, and in this form, they become part of their community in a new way.

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

Derek and Meredith, we are here to remember and rejoice with you and to recount with one another that it is love that guides us on our path, and to celebrate as you begin this journey together It is in this spirit that you have come here to today to exchange these vows.

Derek: Meredith--the moment I saw you, all time stopped. It was just you and I. I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. You were perfect. I had never believed in love at first sight, not until that day. I don't know what it is, your infectious laugh, your tiny ineffectual fists, or the way you smile when you sleep, but I cannot wait to wake up and look into your eyes each morning. You are the only one I ever want. My one true love. My penguin. (She smiles, a tear running down her cheek. He squeezes her hands.)

Meredith: Derek--when I met you, I wasn't in the position to love you. But, I couldn't help it. You made me feel differently than I had ever felt before. You made me feel like I mattered, like I was loved. Every night I wake up and look over at you. I need to make sure it's not a dream. To make sure that it has all really happened. You are the most important thing in my life. You are my heart an soul. I can not imagine my life without you. Before I met you, I was just a ship lost at sea, and now I have a course, a destination. Now, my life has begun. I love you, Derek. (His eyes well up.)

Officiate: For thousands of years lovers have exchanged rings as a token of their vows. These simple bands are not of great value in themselves, but are made precious by our wearing of them. Your rings say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bound together. Let these rings also be a sign that love has substance as well as soul, a present as well as a past, and that, despite its occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness, wonder, and delight. Derek, take Meredith's ring and put it on her finger, and repeat after me:

Derek: Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal/

Just as it is made of indestructible substance/

my commitment to you will never fail/

With this ring I take you to be my trusted confidante

and partner for life.

Officiate: Meredith, put the ring on Derek's finger and repeat after me:

Meredith: Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal/

Just as it is made of indestructible substance/

my commitment to you will never fail/

With this ring I take you to be my trusted confidante and partner for life.

Officiate: In as much as you have consented together in this ceremony to live in wedlock and have sealed your vows in the presence of this assembly and by the giving of these rings, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce that you are Husband and Wife. You may kiss your bride.

Derek: I love you. (He places his hands on her face and pulls he into a long passionate kiss.)

Officiate: May I present to you Dr. and Dr. Derek and Meredith Shepherd. (Everyone claps)

--------------------------

Derek pulls Meredith to the middle of the dance floor. The candles and lights all around. The sound of the water moving and crashing against the rocks. Derek looks into her sparkling eyes. Eyes that look as if they have a thousand stars in them.

**Unforgettable, thats what you are**

**Unforgettable though near or far**

**Like a song of love that clings to me**

**How the thought of you does things to me**

**Never before has someone been more**

Derek: You have made me the happiest man in the world. Now I feel like my life is complete.

Meredith: It was perfect, wasn't it?

Derek: It was.

**Unforgettable in every way**

**And forever more, thats how you'll stay**

**Thats why, darling, its incredible**

**That someone so unforgettable**

**Thinks that I am unforgettable too**

Meredith: My life has never been like this. It has always been one disappointment after another. You are the first constant in my life. You are everything. I don't want this to end. It's all too perfect.

Derek: Everyday will be like this. We will fight, and not always get along, but at the end of the day, I will always love you.

**Unforgettable in every way**

**And forever more, thats how you'll stay**

**Thats why, darling, its incredible**

**That someone so unforgettable**

**Thinks that I am unforgettable too**

Derek and Meredith keep dancing. Derek didn't want to let go of her. Finally Richard broke in. They begin dancing.

Richard: I'm happy for you. He's a great man.

Meredith: Thanks for everything. It has been perfect. All of my friends and family here...

Richard: You are like a daughter to me. That is what parents do. (His eyes welled up.) If I had a daughter, I would want her to be just like you. (Mark cuts in.)

Mark: Congratulations, Firecracker.

Meredith: Thank you, Mark.

Mark: I have never seen him so happy. He's been my friend forever. You changed him. You ignited something in him. He's happy, he's passionate. Thank you for making my friend so happy.

The evening went on forever. Everyone was happy and had a wonderful time. It was all perfect. Nothing could have made it any better. Now Meredith and Derek could really start their lives.

-------------------

**I hope I pulled it off! I also hope I get some reviews from my 'closet' readers :) I did three update in one day!!**

**I did actually look up a lot of the things for chapters 77 & 78. Here are some of the visuals:**

**Meredith's Dress was by Vera Wang. The style was "Alva" I couldn't post the site, it opens in a pop-up.**

**Cake:** http://www.ilsanpietro.it/english.html

**Bridesmaid Dresses: **


	79. Chapter 79

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith and Derek danced for what seemed like hours. They didn't want to let each other go. Everything was perfect as the candlelight danced on their faces. Derek's deep blue eyes were soft and full of emotion. The song ended, and he saw Lynn sitting at a table with Ellis and Richard. He walked over to her.

Derek: Would you like to dance with your only son?

Lynn: Of course. (They walk to the floor, and begin dancing.) You look so happy.

Derek: I am. I have this feeling, I can't explain it. It's wonderful.

Lynn: She is perfect for you, Derek. The perfect fit. I'm so happy for you.

Derek: There could never be anyone else for me. It's amazing. So much had to happen for us to get to this point. It was all worth it. If one thing had changed...

Lynn: But it didn't. This is fate. (Meredith is dancing with George.)

George: It was nice.

Meredith: It was...

George: I'm truly happy for you. It's just right, you know? I didn't see it until today. I wasn't sure if you were making the right decision. He really cares about you.

Meredith: I really care about him.

The evening comes to an end. Meredith and Derek say their goodbyes. Almost everyone will be going home tomorrow. They only had four days off. Mark and Addison are staying a few extra days and are traveling to Rome. Alex, Izzie, and George are staying at the old house while Meredith and Derek are gone. Derek has asked them to pack up the small remainder into new house. The house is supposed to be completely finished by the time their two-week honeymoon is over.

Derek leads the way up to their hotel suite. It feels different, but yet the same. He was hers forever. It felt comforting to have someone who loved you so much. Derek opens the door to the suite. It is absolutely breathtaking. There were candles everywhere. She followed Derek into the bedroom. There were ivory colored rose petals all over the bed. There was a bottle of champagne chilling. The lights were dim. Everything is so perfect, so elaborate. Meredith just stood there and stared.

Meredith: Oh, Derek. It's perfect.

Derek: I'm glad. (She turns and faces him.)

Meredith: You are perfect. (She cradles his face in her hands and pulls him into a deep kiss.) God I love you. (She pulls her face away from his.) Unzip me.

WARNING: MATURE

She turns around. He slowly unzips her gown, revealing her soft skin. He begins kissing her shoulder and slowly moves up to her neck. She lets out a soft moan as he reaches the spot that he knows she likes. He softly pushes her gown down. It drops to the floor with a whoosh. She turns around, and he looks at her, takes it all in. She looks perfect. Her perfect curves. The beautiful lingerie. In one motion he sweeps her up and carries her to the bed, laying her down softly. He pulls off his jacket, tie, and shirt. She sits up and unbuttons his pants, pulling them down. His hands run over and over her soft skin as he pushes her back onto the bed. His lips caress her skin searching every inch of her body as if it were the first time. He gently unclasps her bra and slides it off. He softly kisses her neck moving down, and he mouths her breasts, and continues down kissing her abdomen. As he reaches her panties, he slides them off, his mouth reaching its destination. She lets out a soft moan, and runs her fingers through his wavy hair.He kisses her thighs as he brings himself back up.

He pulls her up, and she straddles his lap, and brings herself down onto him. He moans as he feels her around him as he thrusts into her. She wraps her arms around his neck, and pulls his mouth to hers. She let out a scream as she felt the heat burst around between them.She lays back on the bed as he thrusts into her making her climax. A warm rush flows through her body. Derek feels her tighten around him, as he feels himself build up until he can't handle it anymore. He lets out a loud moan. Shivers run through both of their bodies.

She rolls on top of him, and stares into his eyes. They lay their in each other's arms. The feeling of her soft skin skin against his chest encompasses him. She lays her head down on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. A smile covers her face, as soft tears run down her cheeks and onto his chest.

Derek: You are amazing. (His face is concerned.) Are you okay? You're crying.

Meredith: I've never been so happy. Until I met you, I had just given up. I need you to make this go on forever. I want to feel like this way for the rest of my life.

Derek: (He strokes her hair.) You will, I promise. (He kisses her head.)

----------------------------------

Derek and Meredith spent most of the next day in bed. The comfort they felt in each other's arms was far better than any tourist attraction. By mid-afternoon they finally decided to crawl out of bed. Meredith wanted to hang out at the beach for awhile. The sand was white as snow, and water was bluer than she had ever seen. They laid there and sipped their drinks.

Derek: So two weeks. What are we going to do...hmm. (He raises his eyebrows.)

Meredith: You, Dr. Shepherd, are very dirty!

Derek: As are you, _Meredith Evelyn Shepherd._ (He leans over and kisses her.) That sounds good, doesn't it?

Meredith: It's perfect. Dr. Meredith Shepherd. Now, as for what to do...I think we should start by having lunch. I'm getting hungry.

Derek: Good. Me too. We could go shopping in Milan. Or wine shopping in Tuscany. We don't have to stay in Italy. We can go wherever you want. To Paris. The Eiffel Tower? The Louvre. We could look at castles in Ireland. Or ride horses. Fishing, we could fish in Ireland. Or kiss the Blarney Stone...

Meredith: Yes...

Derek: What?

Meredith: All of them!

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith: Seriously.

Derek: Okay. We need to get a hold of the travel agent.

Meredith: Really? We can?

Derek: Of course. (She rolls over and kisses him.)

------------------

**Short update...sorry.**


	80. Chapter 80

**I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did!**

Meredith and Derek had a busy day in Rome. They purchased two stone sculptures from Peotta Bruno & Geom that were going to be shipped to Seattle. She made it a point to let Derek know that she wanted to see their new home. She had no idea that they were going there when they got back to Seattle. Derek checked in with Izzie, and everything was going as planned. They were nearly done moving everything. They visited wineries in Tuscany, and purchased several bottles of wine to put in their new wine cellar in their new house. They decided to go to Milan for three days. They took the train to Milano Centrale Station at Piazza Duca d' Aosta. The visited the Duomo, the world's largest Gothic cathedral. Next, Derek took Meredith shopping in the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. Meredith wasn't a big fan of shopping, but with Derek, it was fun. Everything she said she liked, was at the register. After a while, she quit saying anything. It was just getting ridiculous. She ended up with bags and bags of shoes and clothes.

Meredith: I am starving.

Derek: So am I. Let's find something.

Meredith: I heard someone talking about that place on the corner.

Derek: As long as it's food, I don't care. (They stop at the hotel and drop off their recent purchases. The restaurant was a short walk.) I think I'm going to have the cotoletta alla milanese. What about you?

Meredith: I think I'm going to have the risotto alla milanese. It's made with saffron. (She raises her eyebrows.)

Derek: And?

Meredith: Saffron is an aphrodisiac.

Derek: Really...

Waiter: Have you decided what you'd like?

Derek: I'll have the risotto alla milanese.

Meredith: I'll have the same. (The waiter walks away.) So you changed your mind?

Derek: Saffron is an aphrodisiac...

Meredith: So we'll be retiring to our room, Dr. Shepherd?

Derek: That's my idea of a honeymoon...

Later in the evening, they decided to go to La Scala, and see an opera. Meredith had to laugh when she looked over and saw sleeping. She gave him a sharp nudge with her elbow, causing him to quickly sit up in his seat. She had tired him out, and she knew it. When the opera was over, they decided to go back to their hotel room. They were both completely exhausted. They spent the next two days doing every possible tourist attraction. By the third day, they were both eager to head to Paris, the city of love.

Meredith: Oh, my God. It's amazing.

Derek: Yeah, It is. It's even more amazing at night, I hear.

Meredith: I can't believe we are standing at the Eiffel Tower. This is just unbelievable!

Derek: We'll go up tonight. We need to check into the hotel. Besides, we have nothing but time.

Meredith: You're getting bored, aren't you?

Derek: No. I'm here with you...

Meredith: It's alright. I miss the hospital too.

Derek: I do, but being with you is so much better.

Meredith: Oh, I bet there's a hemispherectomy happening right now... (She teases.)

Derek: (Frowns.) That was _wrong!_

Meredith: You know you still love me.

Derek: I do. (He kisses her.)

Derek and Meredith spent the day the the Louvre. Meredith was in awe, looking at the Mona Lisa. She and Derek really enjoyed the museum, which surprised them both. They had never seen so much artwork in their lives. The museum in Seattle didn't even come close. Meredith never believed that she would ever get to do all of these things in her life, let alone in one shot. That evening they went to the Eiffel Tower. It was breathtaking lit up at night. It had a completely different feel. Meredith thought Derek was crazy when he told her to dress up. Why would she want to dress up, only to walk several flights of stairs, just to look out at Paris? He surprised her with dinner at Le Jules Verne, right in the tower. It had an amazing view.

Meredith: This is unbelievable.

Derek: It is. It wouldn't be the same if I weren't sitting across from you. (Meredith just smiled.)

Meredith: So I wonder how the house is coming along.

Derek: I'm sure it's just fine.

Meredith: I can't wait to see it. We're going to be so busy at the hospital when we get back, who knows when we'll be able to move in.

Derek: We will, don't worry.

Meredith: I don't look forward to it. It's so much work to move.

Derek: It sure is.

----------------------

Derek and Meredith finished up their trip by traveling to Ireland. They spent a day fly fishing on the river Shannon. Derek was in his element. Meredith tried fishing for a while, but decided it was way to boring. She sat on the bank and watched Derek happily fishing. He went on for what seemed like forever about the different types of fish, and how to catch them. She wasn't really listening. She was just happy to hear his voice and be with him. Next they went to the Coast of Shannon and went Dolphin watching. Finally they travelled to Blarney Castle.

Meredith: I don't know...

Derek: Oh, come on.

Meredith: Millions of people have kissed that stone, think of all the germs.

Derek: Oh, you who shares your drinks and food with your friends. Oh yeah, and last month you ate your chicken tenders after they fell on the ground. Not to mention you work in a hospital! I haven't heard of mass casualties from kissing the Blarney Stone, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Meredith: Fine. (She kisses it, he follows. She grabs him and kisses him.) There, I passed the germs onto you. (He laughs.)

Derek: I hope this wasn't a bad idea. Now you will never be at a loss for words!

Meredith: _Funny_...

They spent a great amount of the remainder of their honeymoon in the hotel room. By the last day, they were both ready to go home. Derek was getting nervous about the house. He was hoping everything went okay. They took a cab to the airport and boarded their plane.

Meredith: It was great, but I am so ready to go home.

Derek: Me too...

Meredith: I need a vacation after this vacation. You have tired me out.

Derek: Me? You! At least we have one day off before we have to go back to the hospital. I need the rest.

Meredith: Are you trying to tell me something? Maybe we need to abstain from sex?

Derek: I like the sex, I'm all for the sex, more sex, I say!

Meredith: That's what I thought. What time are we going to arrive in Seattle?

Derek: Three. (He couldn't take it anymore.) I have a surprise.

Meredith: What? What surprise?

Derek: It's a surprise. You will see when we get home.

Meredith: This is a 14 hour flight!

Derek: I'd say you have a long time to wait.

Meredith drove Derek crazy during the whole flight. The only time he got any peace was when she finally fell asleep, and he could swear she was mumbling something about a surprise even then. The flight went by slowly, and they were ecstatic when they arrived in Seattle. After being in a plane for fourteen hours, Meredith was full of energy. She practically dragged Derek to the baggage claim. She couldn't wait to get home. Derek grabbed a cab, and gave him the address before Meredith got in the car.

Meredith: He's going the wrong way.

Derek: It's fine. Maybe there is construction.

Meredith: I don't think so. I'm going to say something.

Derek: Meredith! (She turns her head and starts to talk. He pulls her into a deep kiss.)

Meredith: What was that for?

Derek: Just be quiet, okay. It's the surprise. (Meredith knew where they were headed about halfway there.)

Meredith: Oh my God!

Derek: What?

Meredith: We're going to the house, aren't we.

Derek: No... (A smile crept up on his face.) Damn-it, Mer!

Meredith: You can't lie to me. This is great, you can't lie.

Derek: We're just checking on it. I had a message on my phone that there was a problem.

Meredith: A problem! What problem? I knew this would happen!

Derek: Calm down. It's fine.

Meredith: It fell down, didn't it!

Derek: Our house did not fall down.

Meredith: No, but a tree probably fell on it. (They turns down the long driveway.)

Derek: A tree did not fall on it!

Meredith: There was a leak wasn't there?

Derek: No. (She catches sight of it.)

Meredith: Oh my God-- it's perfect!

Derek: Welcome home.

Meredith: You mean?

Derek: It's all ready. Our friends moved everything in. The house is completely ready for us. Except of course the furniture from Lois' house. (The cab stops, and Meredith jumps out and runs to the door. Derek pays the cab driver and grabs the luggage.)

Meredith: Open the door! (He starts to unlock it, she goes to walk in.)

Derek: Wait. We need to do this right. (He swoops her up and carries her in. They both scan over it.) Wow.

Meredith: It is just how I imagined it would be! Thank you. It's perfect, just perfect.

Derek: Well, let's take a look around our home, Mrs. Shepherd. (She didn't mind not being called doctor by him.)

Meredith: Let's, Mr. Shepherd.

Their friends did a wonderful job getting the house ready. Pretty much everything was just the way Meredith would have done it herself. Their furniture fit in perfectly with the decor. Derek was pleasantly surprised. The builders did a wonderful job. He was really impressed. The breakfast nook looked right out to the water. Derek and Meredith couldn't believe how perfect it was. They could definitely see themselves spending the rest of their lives there. Meredith noticed a note on the counter.

_Meredith & Derek-_

_Welcome home! We hope you had _

_a great time in Italy. Everything is moved in._

_We think it looks great. Can't wait to see you guys._

_Love,_

_Izzie, Alex, George, Callie & Cristina _

Meredith: Welcome home.

Derek: Welcome home. (He pulls her into a deep kiss.)

-------------

**Okay, that chapter was BORING. The next one will be better. Here is the house:**


	81. Chapter 81

**I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did!**

Derek and Meredith spent their first day back at home watching movies, in their pajamas. They were perfectly happy to be on the couch, in each other's arms. They didn't let any of their friends know that they were home yet. Even though that had just spent two weeks alone together, it wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough. Meredith was loving the new house. It took some getting used to, it was much quieter. She didn't sleep very well the first night, she swore she heard wild animals, and they were coming to knock down the door. Derek said they were probably raccoons on the roof, which made her cling even tighter. She was never worried at the trailer, which didn't make any sense. She knew she would be fine after she got used to it.

Meredith: Derek, Der- are you awake?

Derek: I wasn't.

Meredith: Sorry.

Derek: What's wrong?

Meredith: I can't sleep. It's the time change and the travel. Never mind, go back to bed.

Derek: You'll fall asleep eventually. (He wraps his arms around her.)

Meredith: Yeah.

Meredith didn't fall asleep. She softly pulled away from Derek's grip and went to get a glass of water. She was warm, and decided to go out on the porch. It was nice out there. There were two wooden rocking chairs, she decided to take a seat and look at the stars. After about twenty minutes, she was out like a light. Derek woke up a few hours later and noticed Meredith was gone. He went to the kitchen, and she wasn't there. He saw her figure in the rocking chair, and went out to her, finding her asleep.

Meredith: (waking up, hearing the door open.) Hey.

Derek: Hey.

Meredith: It's nice out here.

Derek: Yeah, it is. You should come back in. I wouldn't want you to get eaten alive by the wild animals. (He laughs.)

Meredith: Yeah, I'm pretty tired now. Is it hot, or is it just me?

Derek: (Kisses her forehead. His eyes looked concerned.) You are a little warm. Do you feel okay?

Meredith: Yeah, let's go to bed.

In the morning they sat in their breakfast nook. Derek eating his Muesli, Meredith her bagel. It was perfect, as the sun shown in. Just like it was what they should do for the rest of their lives. They drove separately to work. Neither knew how long they would be working. Meredith was happy to be going down her new driveway, leaving her new house. When she pulled into the parking lot, she immediately spotted Izzie and George.

Izzie: (Runs up and hugs Meredith.) We missed you!

George: It hasn't been the same without you.

Meredith: I missed you guys too. The house is...fabulous. You guys did a wonderful job, thank you so much.

Izzie: So how was Italy?

Meredith: Italy was great, but so was France, and Ireland.

George: You went to France and Ireland too?

Meredith: Yep. I kissed the Blarney Stone. We had dinner in the Eiffel Tower. It was amazing, but I'm glad to be home!

Izzie: That is just wrong! You are so lucky. (They arrive in the locker room.)

Cristina: Hey.

Meredith: Hey.

Izzie: They went to Ireland and France too. Can you believe that?

Cristina: Of course. McDreamy gives her whatever she wants.

Meredith: That's not true. Thank you guys, for the house it was great. (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: Okay, you suck-ups! O'Malley-Sloan, Karev-She Sloan, Shepherd-Shepherd. (Meredith smiled.), Stevens, you're with me. (She grabs Meredith.) Congratulations, Shepherd. I heard the wedding was great.

Meredith: Thank you. (She runs off to find her husband, she finds him talking to Mark Sloan.) Dr. Shepherd, you requested me?

Derek: Yes, I did, Dr. Shepherd. (He has a cheesy grin on his face.)

Mark: You two are pathetic. (He hugs her.) So, Firecracker, I heard you had a good time.

Meredith: Yeah, we did. It was great.

Mark: Good.

Meredith: So what do we have?

Derek: We have a aneurysm.

Meredith: Yay. I'm happy to be back.

Derek: Me too. (They walk to the patient's room.) Mr. Danson, how are you today?

Danson: Good. Well, as good as I can be, in a hospital.

Derek: This is Dr. Shepherd, she will be prepping you for surgery.

Danson: Dr. Shepherd, huh? You two related?

Meredith: Married. Just married. (Derek smiles.)

Danson: Well, congratulations!

Derek: Thank you.

--------------------------------

Meredith and Derek performed the surgery with no problems. They were both overjoyed to be back in the operating room. Everyone kept congratulating them every time they turned around. Word had spread fast that they were back. Ellis and Richard had shown everyone in the hospital their wedding photos. They were so happy, so proud. Meredith was doing post-op notes when Ellis passed by.

Ellis: Welcome back! (She hugs her.)

Meredith: Thanks, mom.

Ellis: So I heard, Paris? And Ireland? How fantastic.

Meredith: It was, it really was.

Ellis: So, Richard and I, we have an announcement. We were hoping that you and Derek could come over for dinner someday this week.

Meredith: Of course. That would be great.

Ellis: I have to go. It's great to see you in the halls again.

Meredith: You too.

-----------------------------

Meredith: What do you think it is?

Derek: Who knows.

Meredith: It's something major. Why else would they want us to come over for an announcement?

Derek: You're worrying. Don't worry, it will be fine.

Meredith: I need to take a shower.

Derek: What a coincidence, so do I...

Meredith: You are dirty.

Derek: That is precisely why I need to shower.

Meredith: Very bad. (She shakes her finger at him.) Okay, but we cannot be late.

Derek: Don't worry, we won't. (He smiles. They both peel off their clothes and climb in.)

Meredith: Do you think they're getting married?

Derek: Who?

Meredith: My mother and Richard.

Derek: I don't know. (He puts body wash on the wash cloth, and begins rubbing it on Meredith's back.)

Meredith: What else could it be?

Derek: I don't know. Let's not think about it. (He turns her around, and pushes her against the wall, and kisses her neck, collarbone, and moves down to her breasts, sucking softly.)

Meredith: Ouch! Damn-it, Derek. (She cringes.)

Derek: What?

Meredith: Stop. (She pulls away.) It hurts.

Derek: I always do this, you love it. (He kisses her neck, and she pulls away.)

Meredith: Well, not today. Lets just take a shower, okay?

Derek: (Taken aback by her change of attitude.) Okay... (They both shower and get out, getting dressed.) Are you okay?

Meredith: (Putting on her black dress.) Yeah, why?

Derek: You're acting a little...I don't know. (He shakes his head.) Never mind.

Meredith: What?

Derek: (Pouts.) You never turn me down. I was ready, and you just shut me down.

Meredith: I just don't feel so great. It's no big deal. I'm sorry.

Derek: It's okay. (He smiles.) You look great.

Meredith: Thanks.

---------------------------

Ellis: Welcome. (She hugs them both.)

Derek: How are you?

Ellis: Great.

Meredith: Is Richard cooking?

Ellis: Yeah, he is.

Derek: I didn't know Richard could cook.

Richard: (Walks out.) I'll have you know, I am an excellent cook. How are you? (They shake hands.)

Derek: Great. Just tired. Who would have known vacation would have been so tiring?

Richard: It always is.

Meredith: So what are we having?

Richard: Pot roast.

Meredith: Sounds good. Very...comforting.

Ellis: He makes a wonderful pot roast. Would you like some wine?

Derek: Sure.

Meredith: I'll just have water. I'm wined out--after Italy.

Ellis: I can understand that. (Richard brings out the food. They begin eating.)

Derek: This is great.

Meredith: Yeah, it is. So, did anything big happen at the hospital while we were gone.

Richard: Just the usual.

Meredith: Good, Derek was worried he was missing something.

Derek: Me? You! You were the one that was missing the hospital.

Ellis: Just like a true surgeon.

Richard: So how was the honeymoon?

Derek: It was great. We went fishing in Ireland. That was the best part, right Mer? (He gives her a playful grin.) Mer? (He looks over at her, she looks pale.)

Meredith: Uh huh, yeah.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm okay.

Ellis: Are you sure?

Meredith: (Nods her head yes.) So, what's this big announcement?

Richard: Oh, yeah. Well, you two have inspired us.

Derek: How do you mean?

Ellis: You two are so in love, and carefree. So--

Richard: We are retiring. The hospital has always been our lives, now, we have each other. We need to live before we die.

Ellis: We are going to travel, spend time with each other.

Derek: That's wonderful!

Meredith: You're---you're---leaving? (She puts her hand over her mouth and runs to the bathroom. Derek jumps up and follows her. He can hear her retching.)

Derek: Mer--are you okay?

Meredith: I think so. (He hears her vomit again. He opens the door, and walks over to her, holding her hair.) I think I'm getting the flu. (He feels her head.)

Derek: You're warm.

Meredith: Go talk to them, I've completely ruined dinner.

Derek: No, you haven't.

Meredith: Please. (He walks out to Ellis and Derek.)

Ellis: Did we upset her?

Derek: No, no. She hasn't been herself since we came back. I think she has the flu.

Richard: Is she okay?

Derek: She's vomiting. (They hear the door open, Meredith walks out.)

Meredith: I'm okay.

Ellis: Are you sure?

Meredith: Yeah. I'm going to lay on the couch, you guys finish eating.

Derek: We should go home.

Meredith: No Derek. They went to all this trouble. Please, stay.

Derek: Okay. (She goes and lays down.)

-----------------------

Meredith is feeling a little better during the ride home. She was happy to be driving up their new driveway. Derek keeps looking over at her, he is worried.

Derek: Do you think it's food poisoning?

Meredith: I don't know. I feel okay now. I can't believe this!

Derek: I know. It come in waves.

Meredith: Not that! This is my life. She finally acts human. We are getting along. Now, she's leaving. She is abandoning me. Everyone leaves me.

Derek: She's not abandoning you. She will be back, they are just going to travel. She's not dying.

Meredith: I never thought I would care. I do, I do care. How can she just leave? (She starts to tear up. They walk to their room, she lays down on the bed.)

Derek: I'm here for you. You're okay.

Meredith: No, I'm not. I am not okay! You'll leave too, just watch. Everyone does.

Derek: I am never going anywhere. (He wraps his arms around her.)

Meredith: Don't be so sure. (She starts to weep.)

Derek: _What the hell is wrong with her?_ I'm sure. (He kisses her head.)

-----------------

**Hmmm...What could be wrong with Meredith...Nerves? Is she regretting her decision to marry Derek? Happy Grey's Day everyone!!**


	82. Chapter 82

**I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did!**

Meredith had a rough night. She was tired of not being able to sleep. It was getting to her. After she laid down, she felt okay. She wasn't nauseous, she wasn't feeling bad. She just couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned. She was going to hate life in the morning. She couldn't help but think of what had happened. _I just don't get it. Why do I care? I care because she's my mom. Even if she isn't a great one. She could be. She could be great. We were on our way, and now what? Now she is leaving with Richard. Now she won't be there when I need her. Now I won't have a shoulder to cry on. What am I saying, I haven't cried on her shoulder. I have Lynn, but she is in New York. I have Derek. Derek, whom I have been treating like crap lately. I don't know what's wrong with me? I'm just so pissed. I feel like crap. So I can talk to Derek, right? No. Derek's not a woman, he is not my mom. Izzie is too nice, Cristina is rude. My mom is rude, but she's changed. I saw that in Italy. She has really changed. Now she is going to live happily ever after with Richard Webber. She'll probably forget that she even has a daughter._ Nope. Sleep wasn't coming. She decided to take a bath. Maybe the hot water would calm her nerves. She went in the master bath and started the water, praying she wouldn't wake Derek up. He didn't deserve to be sleepless too. The warm water did soothe her, but it did not stop her brain from going on total overload. She closed her eyes and laid back. Maybe it would all just go away, like water down the drain. Derek walks in quietly.

Derek: You could just talk to her.

Meredith: Go back to bed. I'm relaxing.

Derek: You are not. You are tense as hell. I can see the stress on your face.

Meredith: So now I look like crap?

Derek: No, you look radiant. But I would not kill you, to just tell her.

Meredith: So I can guilt her into staying. That is wrong. I hate guilt trips.

Derek: You need to get it off your chest, at least let her know you care.

Meredith: Why do you have to be right?

Derek: I just do. So, you are going to talk to her?

Meredith: I never said that...

Derek: (Moans.) You are a challenge, to say the least! So, are you coming to bed?

Meredith: In a while. Goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight. (He leans over the tub and kisses her. She picks up the phone and dials.)

Ellis: Hello?

Meredith: Mommy.

Ellis: (Sits up.) Meredith. Are you okay? What's wrong?

Meredith: I love you. I just wanted to call and tell you that.

Ellis: I love you too, dear.

Meredith: I'm sorry I woke you up. Goodnight.

Ellis: I'm glad you did. Goodnight.

Meredith hung the phone up and smiled. She put her head under water and came up. She didn't want her mom to go. She wasn't ready for that. She just got her back in her life. She didn't want to give her up now. She was going to tell her that. Derek was right. She needed to stop worrying about everyone else, and start worrying about herself. She ran back into their room and crawled under the covers. Derek spooned up against her.

Derek: Are you naked?

Meredith: Maybe I am.

Derek: You can't do that. Come to bed naked, and close your eyes. Planning to sleep.

Meredith: Oh...You're not tired? (She said innocently.)

Derek: Not that tired. (He rolls on top of her. She laughs.)

----------------------------

Derek woke up to an unfamiliar sound. Not a good sound. It was a bad sound. He jumped up and ran into the bathroom, only to see the love of his life vomiting into the toilet. He bent down on one knee and held her hair back. She looked terrible. She was pale, and clammy. Her hair was a mess, and had vomit in it. This is not what he wanted to see. She stopped, and sat down on the floor.

Meredith: (With a broken smile.) I would have at least liked to enjoy a bottle of tequila for this.

Derek: Maybe you should take the day off. You need to rest. You didn't sleep last night.

Meredith: I'm okay. I need to work. I can work with the flu. People do it all the time.

Derek: Yes-they do, but not my wife. I want you to rest. Now get back to bed.

Meredith: I am fine. I need to work. Besides, did you not see the vomit in my hair?

Derek: Shower first. But, you are staying home, and I am staying with you!

Meredith: Fine, I'll stay home! But you are not staying. You are going to work. You don't want to be here, and I don't want you to get sick.

Derek: But--

Meredith: No.

Derek: Me being here will not make me sick. If I'm going to get sick I will. You were all over me last night, I think sharing bodily fluids--

Meredith: Second of all never say 'bodily fluids' again. It sounds gross. And B you _are_ going to work.

Derek: Fine. But generally it's either A and B, or one and two. Not one and B.

Meredith: (Smacks him.) Shut up, and get to work.

Derek: I would ask you to join me, but you're kind of...gross.

Meredith: Thanks, Ass. (He gets in the shower. She runs to the other bathroom and takes one. She goes back to their room, throws on her clothes and lays down in their bed, pulling the covers up to her neck. Derek walks in a kisses her goodbye.) You better hurry, you have surgery.

Derek: Are you sure you're okay?

Meredith: Yes--now go! (She hears the door shut and runs to the window, fully dressed for work, watching him drive away.) Ha!

---------------------------

Meredith spots Derek's car three cars ahead of hers. She can't be spotted. She isn't sure how she'll do it, but she is working. There is no way that she could stay home. Meredith parks far away from Derek and rushes upstairs to the locker room.

Meredith: I am not here!

George: Yes you are...

Cristina: You are such and idiot, Bambi! She is not _here._

Izzie: Why aren't you here?

Meredith: I was sick this morning and Derek was being all weird. He wanted me to stay home. To make a long story short, I am not really here today. Especially if you see him.

Alex: Hiding from McDreamy? That's a change. So, what are you going to do for me?

Meredith: I am being serious.

Izzie: Okay, so you aren't here. So, lunch in the basement?

Meredith: Yeah. I just hope I don't get assigned to him today. He doesn't know I'm here, so that shouldn't be a problem.

Cristina: Well, you look fine.

Meredith: It just hits me, all of a sudden.

George: So you aren't here if he asks.

Meredith: George! He won't ask. Just don't bring me up.

George: I am not a good lair.

Izzie: Let's hope he doesn't get assigned to Derek.

Meredith: Oh God! (She runs and vomits in the trash.)

Alex: You okay?

Meredith: Yeah... (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: Okay, assignments. Someone needs to go to the pit...

Meredith: I will! (She did not want to get assigned to Derek.)

Bailey: Okay. (She runs out.) Damn fool. I was going to give her to Shepherd. (She mutters.) Okay, George, you can have Dr. Shepherd since she wanted the pit so badly. Yang, you have Burke. Stevens and Karev, Montgomery-Sloan needs you. (All of the interns give George a look. George doesn't want to work with Dr. Shepherd. Now there is pressure. What if he slips? What if he screws it up. He slowly walks down the hall looking for Dr. Shepherd. Cristina passes him and gives him a look, making him more nervous.)

Derek: Dr. O'Malley! Are you assigned to me?

George: Yes.

Derek: Good. We have a Cervical Laminectomy scheduled. (George looks distracted.) O'Malley? Did you hear me?

George: Yes, do you need me to prep the patient?

Derek: That would be good.

-----------------------

Meredith was happy to be working in the pit. It beat the hell out of being at home in bed. She was just hoping Dr. Bailey wouldn't pull her out and take her up to the surgical floor. So far, her plan was working perfectly. A patient came in with a large gash on his leg.

Meredith: So how did you do this?

Dave: It's stupid really. I was cutting with a saber saw, and I dropped it.

Meredith: How did it hit your leg?

Dave: (Nervously.) Well, um. I tried to kick it.

Meredith: (She laughs.) You tried to kick a running saw?

Dave: I thought I could catch it.

Meredith: With you _leg?_ Either you are lying, or you are very stupid.

Dave: Excuse me?

Meredith: Spill it.

Dave: You are hot. Did you know that? Hot.

Meredith: And you are avoiding. I should know, I am the avoiding master. So tell me...

Dave: Fine. I am a cheater. My wife caught me in bed with her sister.

Meredith: What does this have to do with anything?

Dave: She attacked me. With the saw.

Meredith: Oh my God! Um, I think we should call the police.

Dave: No. It was my fault, not hers. She wasn't really going to do it. She slipped on her sister's panties.

Meredith: Uh huh.

Dave: No, really. She is great. Wonderful. I screwed up. (He looks at her practically green face.) You look terrible. Are you okay?

Meredith: That cologne...Blah. I think it's the flu. (She vomits in the trash can.)

Dave: Oh great. So I stink, you stitch me up, and send me home with the flu?

Meredith: Pretty much.

------------------------

Derek and George are in the middle of the surgery. George has asked a ton of questions, just trying to keep Derek from saying anything about Meredith. So far it was working.

Derek: So George, how has Meredith been acting around you? Does she seem okay?

George: Meredith, no, I haven't seen her. I think she is at home. In bed. _Shit!_

Derek: That's not what I asked. She is at home in bed. (He looks at George.) Oh you have got to be kidding me. She came to work, didn't she? (The patient codes, Derek starts barking orders. They get her stabilized. Derek is now focused on the patient, and not on his question. They work on the patient and finally get done.) Dr. Davis, will you close? Thank you everyone. (George and Derek go in the scrub room.) Dr. O'Malley, follow the patient through recovery.

George: Okay. (He breaths a sigh of relief as he begins to exit.)

Derek: Hey George?

George: _Crap._ Yes?

Derek: Were is my wife?

George: Your wife? I don't know. Wives, they are everywhere. That's why I'm not married. All over, telling you what to do. Bossing you around. Yelling. Telling you to put the toilet seat down. Wash the dishes. Man. Wives. Your wife...

Derek: She's here isn't she?

George: (With a breath of defeat.) Yes.

Derek: (Laughs and shakes his head.) Damn her. Hey, O'Malley?

George: Yes?

Derek: You are a terrible liar. I bet she almost died when you were assigned to me. Go. Leave. I'm done with you. I didn't hear it from you.

George: Thank you, Sir. (He leaves.)

-------------------------

Meredith lays down on a gurney in the basement. There is no way she could eat anything. Her nausea was horrible. She was tired, and achy. She had the flu, no question about it. She curls up into a ball, silently curing herself for coming to work.

Cristina: You look like crap! Are you running a fever? (She leans over.)

Meredith: Oh, God! You stink. (She vomits into the trash.)

Cristina: Holy crap.

Meredith: What?

Cristina: You are pregnant.

Meredith: I am not! Why would you say that? It's the flu!

Cristina: When is the nausea?

Meredith: All say. See, not morning sickness or whatever.

Cristina: It can be all day sickness. And you are running a fever.

Meredith: Flu!

Cristina: And sensitivity to smells...

Meredith: It's the flu.

Cristina: It's McBaby.

Meredith: I am not pregnant. I am on birth control. Not to mention, I have the FLU!

Cristina: Whatever. I am not watching the monster, or changing diapers.

Meredith: Good. You won't have to. (She rolls over an faces the wall. The other interns walk up with their trays.)

Alex: What's wrong with Thompson, I mean-Shepherd?

Cristina: Oh, she's--

Meredith: Got the flu! (She kicks Cristina.)

Cristina: That is exactly what I was going to say.

Izzie: Oh, that really sucks. (Meredith moans and closes her eyes. Derek walks up.)

Derek: You! Are a pain in the ass, Dr. Shepherd. (All of the interns just look away innocently.)

Meredith: Who told you? It was George? Right?

Derek: No. It wasn't, I just know things. What are you doing?

Meredith: I feel too bad to argue with you about this.

Derek: You need to rest. The flu is contagious. What about the other patients, and staff?

Cristina: I don't think you'll have to worry about her spreading it. (Meredith shoves her off the bed.)

Derek: (Looks over at her.) Anyway, I want you to go home.

Meredith: No.

Derek: Yes.

Meredith: No.

Derek: Mer- honey. (Cristina makes gagging sounds.)

Meredith: Derek, I am staying, now get out of here before I attack you with a saw. Which I might add, was an excellent idea. (They all look at her like she's crazy.) Now!

Derek: You win this time. (He walks away.)

Cristina: Hmm, irritable too... That's a sign of...

Meredith: THE FLU! (She yells. They all look at her and quickly leave.) _Cristina is such a fool. I am most definitely not pregnant. There is no possible way._ (Ellis walks up.)

Ellis: Meredith?

Meredith: Mom.

Ellis: Derek told me you were down here. Are you okay? You look really bad.

Meredith: It's the flu. And I haven't been sleeping well.

Ellis: Oh, dear. Is Derek taking care of you? Why are you here? I know the answer to that. I have done this a thousand times.

Meredith: He is driving me crazy. I just need to rest, be left alone.

Ellis: Oh. I can leave.

Meredith: No, it's okay.

Ellis: Otherwise, are you okay?

Meredith: Yeah, why.

Ellis: You called last night. At three in the morning. Just to tell me you loved me?

Meredith: Well, yeah. I shouldn't have. I know you were sleeping.

Ellis: It's not that. You never say that, and you called late. I worried all night. I worried that something was wrong, like you were saying goodbye. (Ellis tears up.)

Meredith: No, it wasn't like that. I just wanted you to know. I wasn't feeling good, I couldn't sleep. I needed my mother.

Ellis: Oh, Meredith. I love you. more than you'll ever know.

Meredith: (Starts to cry.) It's just that we were just getting there. And now--And now you are leaving.

Ellis: Oh, honey. That's what this is about?

Meredith: I need you.

Ellis: You do?

Meredith: Of course I do.

Ellis: I am not leaving forever.

Meredith: I know.

Ellis: We'll stay.

Meredith: No. You want to go. You should. You just have to come back.

Ellis: I will come back, I promise. (Her pager goes off.) I have to go. I love you, Mer.

Meredith: I love you too.

-------------------

Meredith was still nauseous all of the time. It had been a week. She was still vomiting. Derek was worried. Really worried. She looked bad. She looked weak, and pale. She was unable to keep her food down most of the time. She insisted that she was fine. He knew she wasn't. He didn't know what to do. He was a doctor for God's sake, he should be able to do something.

Cristina had taken to torturing Meredith. She was constantly whispering McBaby. Every time Meredith looked over at Cristina, she would pat or rub her belly. Meredith was getting so mad. She told Cristina if she did it again, she was firing her as her person. She knew it was the flu. It had to be the flu. It was just taking her forever to get over it. Izzie asked her why no one else had gotten it. She had no answer. It was a mutant strain. She had the flu. She did. Bailey was even wondering. She didn't really want someone so sick working. How did it look when she was vomiting in the patient's trash cans? Meredith insisted. She had the flu, and she was working.

-----------------

Derek got a page. He needed to go see the Chief. _What on Earth could the Chief want? It is probably a high-profile case coming in._ He briskly walked towards the Chief's office. He knocked on the door.

Richard: Come in.

Derek: You paged?

Richard: Yes, sit down. So how is everything? How is Meredith? I heard she is still sick.

Derek: She is. But of course she insists that she is fine.

Richard: Just like her mother. Well, I guess we should get down to business.

Derek: What's going on? (His face shows concern.)

Richard: Well, as you know, I am retiring.

Derek: Yes.

Richard: Someone needs to take my place as Chief. Derek, I want to pass the torch to you. I want you to be the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace.

Derek: What? (He is in shock.)

Richard: That is why you came to Seattle, right?

Derek: Well yes, of course. But--I have to decline.

Richard: What?! It is your dream.

Derek: Was. It was my dream. But now, I have Meredith. Meredith is my dream. We both now how demanding Chief is. I will not risk my marriage. She is too important to me.

Richard: Well, I have to say I am disappointed. Listen, I'll give you a week. Talk it over with Meredith.

Derek: I won't change my mind.

Richard: Fine, but you still have a week. I hope you change your mind.

Derek: See you later Richard.

Richard: Bye. (He rubbed his hands on his head. Derek was not supposed to do that.)

-----------------

Cristina: What do _you_ want?

Meredith: I need you to bring me some Pepto Bismal or something. Derek is staying at the hospital. (Cristina moans.) I can do it, I guess. I'm afraid to drive. I feel horrible.

Cristina: Fine. I'll be there in like a half an hour.

Meredith: Thank you. (Meredith curled up in her bed and fell asleep. She didn't even hear Cristina come in.)

Cristina: (Whips the brown bag at her.) Here.

Meredith: Ouch! Thanks. (She opens the bag and pulls out a pregnancy test.) What the hell is this. I don't need this.

Cristina: I think you do.

Meredith: I don't.

Cristina: Fine. Prove me wrong.

Meredith: What?

Cristina: If you aren't pregnant, you can rub it in my face. Prove me wrong!

Meredith: Fine! (She goes in the bathroom, then comes out.) You are so going to be wrong. (She lays down. Cristina lays down with her. Meredith turns on the t.v. They watch for a while.)

Cristina: I'm sure it's ready by now.

Meredith: (Playing dumb.) What?

Cristina: Oh, come on! The test that you are going to fail. Go see. It's the moment of truth... (She goes in, and doesn't come back out.) Mer? (Meredith shakily picks up the stick, and reads it. She can't believe it. How can this be? She leans against the wall and slides down, tears in her eyes.) Meredith! (Cristina looks at her.) Oh, Mer. (She sits with her.)

Meredith: What am I going to do? Derek doesn't want kids. I'm an intern. I work one hundred hour weeks. Derek doesn't want kids. He doesn't want them...(Her voice trails off.)

Cristina: You could get rid of it.

Meredith: How can you say that? This baby is a part of us. I don't know how this happened.

Cristina: Well, when a man and a woman love--

Meredith: I know how, just not _how._

Cristina: McDreamy will be happy. He loves you. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. You are having a McBaby.

Meredith: Yes, I guess I am. (Cristina helps her to her bed, they both lay down. Meredith lays her head on Cristina's shoulder.) You can't tell Derek. Not yet. He's not--I'm not ready. Not yet. Please don't. You're my person.

Cristina: I won't. I'm your person. I'll be right back.

Meredith: Where are you going?

Cristina: To get rid of that pregnancy test. (She jumps out of the bed.)

Meredith: _How am I going to tell Derek?_

------------------

**Okay, so, Mer is pregnant! YAY! She is afraid to tell Derek. She is sure he doesn't want kids. And Derek turned down the Chief, but will he change his mind? I mean really who _doesn't _want to be the boss? So on the show last night, I wouldn't have died if there would have been more Mer/Der. I wish they would have talked more about what happened to Mer. So...You can review now. Really! You can!**


	83. Chapter 83

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did. There sure as hell would be more Mer/Der.**

Cristina fell asleep quickly, leaving Meredith awake. She was worrying. _How will I tell Derek? He will feel like he has to be happy. I could be ruining his freedom. I could be throwing responsibly in his lap, responsibility he doesn't want. How will I work when I am as big as a house? And with a small child? How am I going to make it? I want children. I want kids with Derek. I love children. Derek is going to kill me when the baby is screaming it's head off, and he has surgery. The late night feeding, the early mornings. No life ever again. All at once, my freedom is flying out the window, leaving me grounded. What am I thinking? Now I am being selfish. This child is a part of Derek and I, the love that we share. Shit! _Now, the realization of work and responsibility was sinking in. The fact they her life was changing for the better or the worse. None the less, it was changing. She shoves Cristina.

Cristina: What? I unlike you, have to work tomorrow.

Meredith: The test could be wrong, right? It's probably wrong.

Cristina: No, it's accurate, believe me.

Meredith: But it _could _be wrong, right.

Cristina: Yeah, but that is highly unlikely.

Meredith: I had my shot. My Depo shot. This should not be happening.

Cristina: The shot doesn't always protect you. You still have a small chance getting pregnant.

Meredith: So I have defied the odds. I can't--Shit!

Cristina: You need to get a blood test tomorrow. Go see Addison.

Meredith: You want me to go to the hospital on my day off, to see Addison? No one will ever figure that out.

Cristina: Go to lunch with her, people are stupid. They won't figure it out. It's the only way to know for sure. (She rolls over.) Now go to bed!

Meredith: You're right. I am probably not pregnant, so I am just going to bed, and not worry about it.

Cristina: I never said-- Okay, just go to bed.

Meredith: Goodnight.

Cristina: What's left of it.

----------------

Derek was going to stay at the hospital. Part of him wanted to stay at the hospital. Meredith had been overly moody. Everything he said, she bit his head off. He was hoping she was just tired, but a small voice in the back of his head told him she was regretting marrying him. What if she was? He didn't regret it. She is the love of his life. She was just tired, he told himself once again. He was getting ready to find and on-call room, praying that Dr. Snores-a-lot wasn't in it when he was paged. He rushed into his patient's room. The seventy-five year old man was gone. There was no bringing him back. He had coded. Derek felt bad, but he was used to losing patients. This particular patient was at peace with dying, and had talked to Derek about it. He wanted to join his wife, he told Derek. Derek felt the same way, he didn't think he could live without Meredith. Derek glanced at his watch. He may as well go home, sleep in his own bed, with his wife.

Derek pulled into the driveway, not seeing Cristina's motorcycle parked to the side. He was happy to be home. Earlier he was avoiding Meredith, but now that he was here, he was happy to be. He threw his keys down on the counter and makes his way to their bathroom, brushing his teeth and putting on a clean shirt and boxers. The room was dark, he thought he saw Meredith's small figure on the bed. He went to the side and leaned down to kiss her.

Cristina: If you kiss me, I will kill you! (She quietly whispered.)

Derek: Yang! What are you doing here?

Cristina: Comforting my person. She _just_ fell asleep.

Derek: She's still sick?

Cristina: In a matter of speaking.

Derek: What's that supposed to mean?

Cristina: Nothing. You are brainless. I'm going to go upstairs. Goodnight. (She pushes Meredith's arm off of her, and heads upstairs. Derek climbs in bed, in her spot, watching Meredith as she sleeps.)

-----------------------

Meredith: (Looking over at Derek.) When did you get home?

Derek: About one. I almost kissed Cristina.

Meredith: And you're still alive to tell the tale?

Derek: I said _almost_. So now, I am going to kiss you. (He leans over.)

Meredith: Oh, God. (She puts her hand over her mouth and runs to the bathroom. She comes back out.) You didn't shower when you came home?

Derek: No, why? Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine. The vomiting has slowed down. I think I am getting better. When do you have to go to the hospital?

Derek: Noon.

Meredith: I'm going to lay down for a while longer.

Derek: Okay. You need your rest. I'll make some coffee. And clean the kitchen, we all know how Yang leaves it.

Meredith: No coffee.

Derek: No coffee? You aren't human without coffee. What's going on?

Meredith: Nothing. It's bad for you.

Derek: Actually, recent studies show caffeine is actually good for you.

Meredith: Damn-it Derek! No coffee. (She snaps.)

Derek: (In shock.) Okay then. I'm just going to go... (He walks out gingerly, with his head down.)

Meredith: (Picks up her cellphone.) Addison?

Addison: Meredith? What's going on?

Meredith: I need to come see you today.

Addison: Sure. We could meet for lunch.

Meredith: No, professionally. As a patient.

Addison: Is everything okay?

Meredith: Yes--no. I'm not sure.

Addison: Okay, well how about in an hour?

Meredith: Could you do it after noon? I don't want Derek to know, or anyone for that matter.

Addison: Okay, how about two?

Meredith: Sounds good. I gotta go... (She snaps her phone shut. Derek walks in.)

Derek: I made you french toast.

Meredith: Oh, thanks! (It looked good, but her stomach wanted to turn.) I'm sorry if I've been snapping at you.

Derek: It's okay. Are you sure that everything is fine? You don't regret it, do you?

Meredith: Regret what?

Derek: (Drops his eyes down to the floor.) Marrying me.

Meredith: WHAT? No! No, Derek. Marrying you is the best thing I have ever done.

Derek: Then what is wrong?

Meredith: Derek- just quit worrying okay. Everything will be great.

Derek: Will be? (She looks at him, he is defeated.) Okay. I love you. (He kisses her.)

---------------------

Meredith parked in a different lot, away from her friends. Sneaking up to Addison's floor was going to be a challenge. The hospital was a gossip mill. Everyone knew her. She worked there. And now she was the intern who married an attending. Not to mention, she is Ellis Grey's daughter, and close to the Chief of Surgery. Yes, she was going to have to do some damn good sneaking. She left out a giant sigh of relief when she reached Addison's office.

Addison: Hello.

Meredith: (Closes the door.) Thanks for seeing me.

Addison: No problem. So is everything okay?

Meredith: (Meredith inhales a huge breath.) I think...well...I may be...I took a test, and I failed.

Addison: What kind of test---Oh...

Meredith: I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. I don't know how this could have happened.

Addison: Pregnancy tests are usually pretty accurate. We can do a blood test, right now, if you want.

Meredith: I don't want anyone to know, not yet.

Addison: We'll do it in here. (Addison goes and gets the supplies to take the blood. She takes it and sends it to the lab.)

Meredith: I can't believe this. Derek, he doesn't want kids, and I'm an intern. We're not ready. Shit! (She covers her face with her hands.)

Addison: How are you feeling? Do you have any signs of pregnancy? Have you missed a period? Any breast tenderness?

Meredith: My periods can be irregular, so that wasn't a big deal. I have been having breast tenderness, and I have been vomiting. Non-stop actually. I thought it was the flu.

Addison: Were you using any form of birth control?

Meredith: I get the Depo-Provera shot.

Addison: When was your last one?

Meredith: Let me see. (She grabs her organizer. She looks, and immediately turns pale.) Oh my God! (She bursts into tears. Addison comes over and embraces her.) This is my fault. Derek will never forgive me. I must have---court, and the wedding, and the stress. I missed it. I missed my shot.

Addison: Meredith, it will be okay.

Meredith: You don't understand, I may have ruined Derek's life! (She weeps.)

Addison: Derek will make a wonderful father, and he will love every minute of it. If there is one thing I know, Derek loves you more than anything. Everything will be fine.

Meredith: We have had no birth control. How could I be so stupid? We have sex. A lot of sex. God. (There is a knock on the door, they give Addison the results.) I am, aren't I?

Addison: (She smiles.) Yes, you are. Congratulations!

Meredith: (Smiles.) Thank you.

Addison: Are you okay?

Meredith: I am, I think. I think I'm okay. I have always wanted a child with Derek. I lost Bella. (He face drops, panic takes over.) What if I lose this baby? I can't do it again. I can't look at Derek's face like I did John's. I just can't do it again. You can't tell him, not anyone. Not yet. I need some time.

Addison: Just because you lost your first child, doesn't mean you will lose this one. You are very healthy. But you are slightly underweight.

Meredith: I can't keep anything down.

Addison: I will prescribe you some pre-natal vitamins, and Emetrol for the vomiting. You do realize that you are going to have to tell Derek eventually.

Meredith: Eventually...

Addison: He will figure it out. As your doctor, I will not say anything to him. But as your friend, I wish I could. The stress isn't good. You will be stressed if you don't tell him.

Meredith: I will tell him. Just not yet.

Addison: Okay. Well, you need to come back in. We'll do an ultrasound.

Meredith: Okay.

Addison: I have surgery in an hour. (She sits up.) So, I have to go. Congratulations, again! (She hugs her.)

Meredith: Thanks. (She walks out of the office, tears in her eyes. She is just praying that she can keep it all together. Praying her baby will be okay. Praying that Derek will get to hold his healthy child, unlike John. She passes Mark, not even noticing. He walks up to Addison.)

Mark: What's wrong with Firecracker? (Addison gives him a look and shakes her head.) You can't say?

Addison: Doctor-Patient confidentiality.

Mark: Well, is she okay?

Addison: Yeah. Please, don't tell Derek you saw her.

Mark: What's wrong?

Addison: Just don't tell him. Promise me.

Mark: I promise.

-----------------------

Meredith laid down in her bed. After taking the nausea medication, she was feeling much better. She was actually able to eat, and keep it down. She made sure to hide the medication where Derek would never find it. She would tell him, just not yet. She needed to think, to sort things out. She was exhausted. She closed her eyes, and placed her hand on her stomach, and smiled. She was already in love with their baby.


	84. Chapter 84

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did!**

Meredith awoke from her much needed rest. She felt a lot better. She hadn't slept well in a while. She was surprised when she looked over at the clock and it was already five o'clock. She laid there for a few minutes and then decided that Derek deserved a real meal. She went into the refrigerator and grabbed out a pack of pork chops, and started cooking. She was definitely getting better in the kitchen. She was just finishing up the meal, when Derek walked in.

Derek: I'm home. (He yelled, and then walked into the kitchen.) You cooked. (He walks over and kisses her.)

Meredith: I did. I figured you deserved a warm meal. I hope it's alright, this is my first time with pork chops.

Derek: I'm sure it will be great. Do you need any help?

Meredith: Nope. The table is set, food is ready. All you have to do is eat!

Derek: Well this is nice. (They sit down and start eating.) It's good, too.

Meredith: Thanks.

Derek: So the nausea is gone?

Meredith: Yep. It just went away, today.

Derek: Amazing...

Meredith: (Trying to change the subject.) So how was the hospital?

Derek: It was fine. So, what did you do today?

Meredith: Me? What did I do? (She says nervously. She begins pushing her food around on the plate.) You know, stuff around the house.

Derek: So you stayed home all day? (He raises his eyebrows.) Here, in the house?

Meredith: That's what I said, isn't it? (She retorted, dropping her fork.)

Derek: That's funny, because a nurse saw you at the hospital today.

Meredith: I don't know how. (She looked down.)

Derek: Funny thing is, I saw you too. Just as you were walking out. You saw Addison today.

Meredith: I don't have to tell you everything I do, every minute of the day, Derek! (She snapped.)

Derek: I just don't understand why you lied to me.

Meredith: You know what, I'm not really hungry. (She throws her food in the trash and starts to walk to their room.)

Derek: Meredith! I'm not-- (The door slams.) Damn-it.

Derek sits at the table, eating his food in silence. _I wonder what she was doing at the hospital. She saw Addison. What could they have talked about? She can talk to Addison on the phone. They didn't have lunch. They never went in an exam room either. What if something is wrong. Damn-it, why does she have to be so damn secretive?_ He did the dishes and decided he had to go in their room. He had to face her sometime. He went into their room, and saw her lying in a ball.

Derek: Meredith.

Meredith: I don't want to talk.

Derek: I love you Mer, I do, but what the hell? You have been moody and irritable. Not to mention sick, for a long time. What is wrong with you? Why would you have to talk to Addison? Oh my God, do you have cancer?

Meredith: Nothing is wrong, _Derek. _ Just leave me alone.

Derek: Why do you have to be so fucking secretive? I feel like I'm living with a Goddamn CIA agent! Since we've been back from the honeymoon, you have been totally different. You're-

Meredith: What? Not the woman you fell in love with? You should have waited for someone else to come along, Derek. I'm sure they would have. There are plenty of nurses at the hospital, if you'd rather screw one of them.

Derek: I'm taking a shower...

Meredith: That's right, Derek. Just walk away.

Derek: I have to, I have to just walk away at this point. (He goes into the bathroom.)

Meredith: _I should just tell him. I could run in there right now. I could say "I'm Pregnant", but what would that do? Maybe he would be elated, but maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't. I have time. All I need is a little more time._

Derek: _I don't know what to do with her. I can't be around her when she's like this. I can't deal with her moodiness, and negativity. I feel like she could snap at any moment. She obviously doesn't love me enough to talk to me about this._

Derek comes out of the shower, and sees her laying there. He doesn't have the patience to say anything. He doesn't want to say anything he will regret. She is feeling guilty about not telling him. She is really afraid of how he will react. If he was upset about the baby, she couldn't handle that. Derek lays down on the bed. They lay back to back. They never sleep like that. He is always spooned up against her. Not tonight. He is just too mad.

Meredith woke up early. She was immediately feeling nauseous. The morning sickness was like a routine now. She quietly made her way into the bathroom, and began vomiting. She hoped he didn't hear her. He didn't wake up, and she wasn't waking him up. She had no idea what time he had to be to the hospital, and quite frankly, she didn't care. She managed to eat a couple of crackers, and she headed on her way, without him.

-----------------

Meredith walked into the locker room, flinging the door. She walked straight to her locker and threw the door open. Everyone just watched you. You could see the steam coming out of her ears. She hastily threw her scrubs on and slammed the door.

Alex: What's wrong with you?

Meredith: Derek's an ass. (She seethed.)

Cristina: What did McDreamy do now?

Meredith: He-- Never mind.

Alex: He obviously did something.

Meredith: Nothing I want to tell you. (Bailey walks in, and gives assignments. Meredith and Cristina get assigned to one of Addison's cases. They walk off together.)

Cristina: So...

Meredith: What?

Cristina: Are you? I mean, I _know_ you are.

Meredith: I am. I came to see Addison yesterday. Derek found out, that I was here.

Cristina: So you told him?

Meredith: No!

Cristina: You will have to.

Meredith: Maybe I could go somewhere...

Cristina: Seriously? You are kidding, right? Like leave the country?

Meredith: Yeah...

Cristina: You are delusional... So, McDreamy. What did he do?

Meredith: He basically said he regrets marrying me. That I am secretive and moody.

Cristina: And you aren't?

Meredith: Not generally. Just right now. Right now, I guess I am.

Cristina: But he doesn't know why. You can't blame him.

Meredith: Just shut up, okay?

Addison: Are you my interns?

Meredith: Yep.

Addison: So how are you... (She whispered.)

Meredith: The nausea medication is helping. (Addison gives her a look.) Oh, Cristina knows. She is the only one that does.

Cristina: Oh, about McBaby? Yeah, I know.

Addison: Oh.

------------------

Meredith was running to get labs for Addison. She was thankful that she hadn't ran into Derek yet. She took a detour to the surgical board. She noticed that he was in surgery. Part of her was jealous that she wasn't in the operating room with him, but at the same time, she knew she couldn't be. As she was on her way back from the lab, she rounded the corner, running into Chief Webber.

Richard: Meredith, how are you?

Meredith: I'm good.

Richard: You're feeling better?

Meredith: Yes, I am.

Richard: So Derek is still turning me down? I haven't heard from him.

Meredith: Turning you down? What do you mean?

Richard: Oh! (He looks shocked.) He didn't tell you...

Meredith: Tell me what? (She raised her voice.)

Richard: As you know, I am retiring.

Meredith: Yes...

Richard: I offered him Chief, he declined.

Meredith: He what?

Richard: I gave him a week to change his mind. He would make an excellent Chief.

Meredith: I will talk to him.

Meredith just walked away. She was fuming. He didn't even tell her. How could he not tell her? He always wanted to be Chief of Surgery, and now, now he is throwing it away. She felt horrible. He can't even tell her what is going on in his life. They are married. You share things with your wife. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. She stormed into the scrub room, grabbing a surgical mask. The automatic doors open, and everyone looks up at her.

Meredith: Derek Shepherd!!

Derek: Can I help you, _Doctor _ShepherdI am a little busy here. I am in the middle of a patient's brain. (He shouted with anger in his voice.) I can not talk to you right now.

Meredith: When you are done, FIND ME! (She walks out, throwing her mask in the trash, and ripping the door open.)

Doctor Eisley: Do you always let your interns speak to you like that, Dr. Shepherd?

Derek: I do when they are my wife.

Doctor Eisley: Oh...

------------------------

Meredith could hardly work she was so mad at him. Addison's surgery was a good one. When they were done, Cristina followed the patient through recovery. Meredith went down to the pit. She was very disappointed when a head trauma came in, and she had to page Derek. She knew his surgery was done by now, and he never came to find her. Finally he came down to see the patient. He glared at him as he walked in the room. He checked the patient over and then looked at her.

Derek: You need to run an MRI.

Meredith: Fine. I don't want on this case if it's surgical. (She answered.)

Derek: Dr. Shepherd, I need to speak with you.

Meredith: And I needed to speak with you earlier. I am busy now, _sorry_.

Derek: Now! (He walks over and grabs her arm, pulling her into another room.) If you ever come into my OR like that again, Meredith.

Meredith: What? What are you going to do?

Derek: Your lack of professionalism is unbelievable. I had Dr. Eisley, from New York in there. Do you know how you made me look? What the hell is your problem?

Meredith: My problem? Seriously, Derek? Oh I don't know, maybe because you were offered Chief, and you declined. But that isn't even the worst part. You didn't even fucking tell me, Derek.

Derek: It has nothing to do with you. It's my decision.

Meredith: You're right, it is. I don't know what we're doing here. If you can't tell me that. This, me and you, is a waste.

Derek: I don't think I am the only one here with a secret.

Meredith: That may be right, but right now, I am not telling you. Right now, I don't want to see your fucking face. I think you need to find somewhere else to stay tonight, because you are not coming home.

--------------

**So they are both mad. They both have secrets. It doesn't help that Meredith feels like crap, and goes off at the drop of a hat. Damn Derek is so brainless!**


	85. Chapter 85

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith turns to walk away. Part of her knows she is acting foolishly. She can't help it. Her emotions are all over the map. She isn't sure whether she wants to cry or scream. She was making her way out of the empty exam room when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

Derek: No. No, no we don't do this. You aren't walking away from me, not like this.

Meredith: I can't do this right now.

Derek: I don't want to fight, and I don't want you to walk away. Mer- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make that decision without you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to change my mind. And I really didn't want you to be disappointed.

Meredith: (Her expressions softens.) Why would I be disappointed?

Derek: Because you could be married to the Chief of Surgery, and if I said no--

Meredith: (She sits up on the gurney.) Derek, I don't care about that. I just don't want you to give up your dream for me. That isn't fair, not for anyone. I know that all you have ever wanted all your life, is to be Chief. That is why you came to Seattle. Now you're throwing it all away. I don't want you to resent me, to regret your decision. I will always be your wife, but you will not always have the opportunity to be Chief.

Derek: Being Chief, that was my dream. Not now, not anymore. You are my dream. I want to have a happy life with you. I don't want to be married to Seattle Grace, I want to be married to you. Being Chief is time consuming, it is full time. I love you, Meredith. I want you. I do not want to be Chief. I am not going to resent this, because I have a wonderful life with you.

Meredith: I haven't been too wonderful lately.

Derek: No, you haven't. (She smacks him.) See?

Meredith: Sorry.

Derek: So you will always be my wife?

Meredith: Of course. And I _guess_ you can come home tonight. (She laughs.)

Derek: Oh good. I didn't want to ask Mark if I could stay there.

Meredith: I'm sorry about coming into the OR. I don't know what came over me.

Derek: You are ballsy, that's why I love you. I think everyone knows who the boss is now.

Meredith: It was pretty crappy, even for me.

Derek: It's over now. We can't go back. (He pulls her into a hug, and kisses her on the head.) I love you.

Meredith: I love you too.

Derek: You need to get that MRI, before our patient leaves. (He starts to walk out.)

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: Tonight. I'll cook, we'll have dinner. I have something very big to tell you.

Derek: Something big?

Meredith: Yep.

Derek: I can't wait.

Meredith went into the exam room, and grabbed the patient. The patient mumbled something about being left in the room too long. Meredith just smiled. Everything was better now. She and Derek were getting along again, and she was going to get the secret off of her chest. She was just getting ready to wheel the patient into the elevator, when Doctor Bailey walked up.

Bailey: You damn fool! I don't know who you think you are, but your lack of professionalism today is unbelievable. You are an intern. A bottom of the food chain, end of the pecking order, bottom feeding, intern. You do not walk into the OR of an attending and speak to them in that manner. Dr. Shepherd is your boss. He's my boss. You crossed so many lines. I don't give a damn if he is your husband, your brother, uncle, or your Dad. You do not have the right, not here! Whatever goes on behind the doors of your home, stays there. You have made me look foolish. This reflects on me. So you will be in the pit for the next week. If the pit is slow, then you will do charts, and post-op notes. If you get those done, you will work for the nurses. You will not see the inside of the OR for a week. Not even through the glass in the gallery. Do you understand?

Meredith: Yes.

Bailey: Good, now get out of my sight. (Meredith goes in the elevator with the patient.)

Patient: Dude, was that your boss?

Meredith: Yeah.

Patient: Sounds like you screwed up.

Meredith: Yeah, I guess I did.

----------------------

Meredith got off of work at six. She was supposed to get off earlier, but Miranda Bailey had her doing everything under the sun. She deserved it, and she knew it. She is lucky that this was her only punishment. Since she was running late, she decided to get take-out instead of cooking. She stopped at a chinese restaurant. She hated chinese food, but she knew Derek really liked it, so she could stomach it. Derek was supposed to be home at seven. When Meredith got home, she took a quick shower. When she got out she heard her phone ringing.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: Hey.

Meredith: You're not coming, are you? (He could hear the disappointment in her voice.)

Derek: No, I have surgery. I'm sorry.

Meredith: It's okay. I know how it goes. Are you coming home?

Derek: If I get done earlier enough. What about the big news?

Meredith: It can wait.

Derek: Are you sure?

Meredith: Yeah. See you later.

Derek: Bye.

Meredith hung up the phone. She was finally ready to tell Derek, and this happens. She was actually excited about it. It could wait, she thought. She's waited this long already, what's one or two more days. She went to their bedroom and decided to watch some t.v. She needed the rest, and she knew that Doctor Bailey was going to be working her extra hard. She fell asleep around eight. She slept for several hours, and woke up at one in the morning. Derek wasn't next to her. She figured he probably wasn't going to come home. If he was tired, she'd rather he didn't drive anyway. She laid there for a while and decided to take a bath. Her body was sore, and her stomach was a little upset. The warm water felt great as it encompassed her aching body. The silence of the house was relaxing, it was unbelievably quiet. She laid her head back on the edge of the tub, and rubbed her stomach. It was amazing to her that there was a little life in there. A piece of she and Derek.

Derek looked up at the clock, it was already one in the morning. He wanted to go home. He wanted to lay next to Meredith. All he could think of was the disappointment in her voice. He didn't want to stay at the hospital. He changed out of his scrubs and grabbed his things. The drive home went quickly. There was absolutely no traffic on the freeway. As he drove up the long winding drive, happy to be home. He looked in the refrigerator and smiled at the sight of the chinese food. He knew she got it for him. He quietly made his way to their bedroom. He saw a light on in the bathroom. He couldn't believe she was awake. He was surprised when he heard talking. He figured she was on the phone. He quietly went to the door to tell her he was home.

Meredith: (She was talking to her stomach.) I love you so much already, do you know that? And daddy, he will love you too. Mommy will tell him you're on your way as soon as she can. Mommy was just scared before, but now she's ready. You are going to be the happiest baby in the world. You are going to have so many people who love you, like Aunt Cristina, Uncle George, Aunt Izzie, Uncle Mark and Aunt Addison...(Derek walks up and kisses her. She gasps.)

Derek: I'm going to be a Dad? (His face lights up.)

Meredith: I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner--

Derek: We're having a baby? (His eyes well up.)

Meredith: Yes. (He leans over the tub and kisses her.)

Derek: I am going to be a father! (He leans in and hugs her, falling into the tub with her.)

Meredith: Derek! (He pulls her close to him.)

Derek: We are having a baby... (He smiles ear to ear.)

Meredith: You're happy?

Derek: Of course I am.

Meredith: You have your clothes on.

Derek: I can solve that! (He starts pulling his clothes off.)

Meredith: So you're okay about this? You aren't mad?

Derek: Why would I be mad?

Meredith: You said you didn't want kids.

Derek: No I didn't.

Meredith: You said that your mom wouldn't be too disappointed when we _didn't_ have kids.

Derek: That didn't mean I didn't want kids! I didn't want to pressure you. I was afraid that after you lost your first baby, you couldn't handle it. I would have never asked you. I didn't want you to do it, just because it's what I wanted. I want children. I have always wanted children with you!

Meredith: I was so scared. I forgot my Depo shot. With Ray's trial, and the wedding, I forgot to get the shot.

Derek: Well, I would say it was meant to be.

Meredith: I never wanted kids, not until I was with you. I want a piece of you. This child is a piece of us, our love.

Derek: I love you, so much. You have made me the happiest man in the world. (Tears begin to run down his cheeks.)

Meredith: Derek...

Derek: I am a complete idiot. It all makes sense. All the signs were there, I didn't even realize. And the meeting with Addison. (He shakes his head.) So how far along are you?

Meredith: I don't know yet. I have an sonogram scheduled for next week with Addison.

Derek: I will be there with you. (He holds her in his arms for a while.) You can tell me anything. I don't want you to keep anything secret. You can trust me. No matter what it is, I will always support you. I will always love you.

Meredith: I know that. I always knew that. I was just being stupid. (The lay there for awhile.)

Derek: I am going to be a daddy.

Meredith: Yes, yes you are...

--------------------------------

**Okay, I couldn't keep them fighting for long. It was supposed to last a few days, but I just couldn't do it!**


	86. Chapter 86

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek spent the whole night with his hands on Meredith's abdomen. She felt so foolish for ever thinking that he didn't want a baby. It was so obvious in his eyes, in his touch, that he was completely in love with their child. Meredith woke up at four-thirty, opened her eyes and sighed. She didn't feel nauseous. She jumped out of bed, and headed to the bathroom to get ready. Then it hit her. She immediately rushed to the toilet. As she was leaned over, she felt Derek rub her back. She didn't even know he was awake.

Meredith: I hope this stops soon.

Derek: It should.

Meredith: I have medication for the nausea. It's in my night stand, on the the second shelf. In the back, behind the books. Can you get it, please?

Derek: Of course. (He comes back with the pills and a glass of water.) You look beautiful.

Meredith: I do not. I have vomit on my face, my hair is a mess...

Derek: You are always beautiful.

Meredith: What time to you have to be at the hospital?

Derek: I don't have anything scheduled. I have patients I need to check on later. Maybe you should stay home.

Meredith: Why, because I'm pregnant?

Derek: Well, yeah.

Meredith: You are too funny. I am fine. I will be pregnant for nine months if everything goes well. Do you want me to take off nine months from work? And then I'll have maternity leave. Shoot, I'll just take off a year.

Derek: Okay.

Meredith: I am an intern, Derek. I have to work. I can handle this.

Derek: I don't want you to strain yourself.

Meredith: (Rolls her eyes, and shakes her head.) Go back to bed.

Derek: I want to have breakfast with you.

Meredith: That's foolish. You're tired. I'll take a shower, and eat some oatmeal, then I'll go to the hospital. See, not that exciting. Seriously.

Derek: Fine. (He trudged back to bed.)

--------------------

Cristina: You're awfully damn happy.

Meredith: Yeah, and?

Alex: She got laid.

Cristina: Nope. You told him, didn't you? (Meredith just smiled.) What did he say?

Izzie: Told who what?

George: What's going on?

Meredith: Nothing. It's nothing important. (She started laughing uncontrollably, thinking back at Derek with his clothes on, in the bathtub.)

George: I think she's lost her mind.

Izzie: Seriously! What's going on?

Cristina: Meredith told Derek that she is...

Meredith: Going fishing. (She starts laughing.)

Cristina: Scuba diving in the river. (They laugh. The others look at them like they're insane.) Seriously. She told him she was sorry. That got in a fight.

Meredith: Or whatever.

Alex: You guys are on crack.

Meredith: At least we're pleasant, hard-working crack-whore crack addicts.

Izzie: Okay, then.

George: That was random. (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: You are awfully happy for someone who who has the pit to look forward to. For a week, I remind you. There are some rectal exams that need to be done. Oh, and I think Debbie needs you to do dressings. So have fun, Dr. Shepherd. (Meredith's face drops and she walks away.)

Alex: Dude, what'd she do?

Bailey: Uh, Dr. Shepherd, come here.

Meredith: Yes?

Bailey: Do you mind telling the interns what you did? That way the won't make the same stupid-ass mistake.

Meredith: Um...

Bailey: She saw it fit to storm into the OR, and scream at an attending while he was in the middle of a patient's brain. Not to mention, we had a visiting doctor from New York in there. She lacked professionalism, on an unbelievable level.

Cristina: He's her husband.

Bailey: Oh, _well_, I guess that makes it okay, right?

Cristina: It makes it not so wrong.

Bailey: Well since you lack the common sense to shut your damn mouth, you can enjoy SCUT today.

Cristina: (Glares at Meredith.) But-

Bailey: No. It's a damn shame, too. George, you're with Burke today. He has a coronary bypass graph scheduled. Izzie, you are with Montgomery-Sloan, and Alex, Sloan needs you for a burn victim.

Cristina: That was _wrong!_

Bailey: I know. Now go!

Cristina: (Walks by Meredith.) At this moment...I hate you.

Meredith: I hate me too.

-----------------------

Derek walked into the hospital with the biggest grin on his face. The grin had been there since the night before. There was absolutely nothing that could make it go away. He was happy. He was a happy man, who was going to be a father. He rounded on his patients, and decided to go find Meredith.

Addison: You look happy.

Derek: I am the happiest man in the world. Do you know why?

Addison: I may be able to guess.

Derek: (He leans in and whispers.) I'm going to be a dad!

Addison: I know. Congratulations! (She hugs him.) I haven't seen you this happy since, well, since you met Meredith.

Derek: It's amazing. You have no idea how it feels until you experience it. There is a piece of she and I growing inside her, right now.

Addison: I'm so happy for you. She has an ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday.

Derek: We will be there. (He goes to walk away.) Oh, we haven't told anyone yet. So--

Addison: I won't say anything.

Derek: Thanks!

Addison: Congrats, again! (Derek walks away, passing Mark.)

Derek: Hello, Mark!

Mark: You okay?

Derek: I am fan-freaking-tastic! Have you seen Meredith?

Mark: Well, Karev said something about Bailey torturing her. So I'd imagine she's in the pit.

Derek: Thanks!

--------------------------

Meredith was busy doing charts. The pit was slow. Doctor Bailey pulled Cristina into an emergency surgery with her. So Meredith got stuck doing Cristina's fun jobs too. She was starting to get a little hungry and thought maybe she could sneak down and get some lunch. Derek walked up behind her, placing his hands on her stomach.

Derek: How is my family?

Meredith: We are fine. Enjoying our punishment.

Derek: Have you eaten yet?

Meredith: No, I was just getting ready to.

Derek: You you like to join me?

Meredith: Of course.

Derek: Well, lets go. How have you felt today?

Meredith: A little nauseous on and off. Otherwise, I'm okay.

Derek: Good. (They walk up to the lunch line.) I'm having a salad. You need some protein, and some fruit, and some vegetables, and--

Meredith: Derek! I know what I need. (She grabs her food and they sit down.) Besides, that's what vitamins are for.

Derek: My child is going to have the best. As long as she's in your stomach, she needs to be taken care of by you.

Meredith: She, huh?

Derek: Or he, I guess.

Meredith: I will take care of our child. Look, I got a ham sandwich, and an apple, and water.

Derek: But no vegetables... (She grabs a fork full of his salad, and shoves it in her mouth.)

Meredith: Happy?

Derek: Yes!

Meredith: So we have an appointment next Thursday with Addison. I'm sure everyone will start to figure things out. (Cristina walks up and sits down.)

Cristina: It's almost sickening.

Derek: What's that Yang?

Cristina: You both have baby written all over you.

Meredith: I can't help it. I'm happy.

Derek: She knows? (He seemed irritated.)

Meredith: Of course she does. Besides, she knew before I did.

Derek: Oh.

Cristina: Why else would she have been so bitchy. And you, are an idiot. You live with her, and it never dawned on you?

Derek: Well--

Meredith: So, as I was saying. I am not ready to tell everyone yet.

Derek: You told her!

Meredith: So anyway, I want to tell your mom. Both of us, in person. I want to go to New York and tell her. I will have to see if I can get some time off.

Derek: That is a great idea. I love you, Mer. (He kisses her.)

Cristina: Oh, gag me! (They both glare at her.)

-------------------------

Meredith: That was good. (She rolls over and lays on her back.)

Derek: We are always good. You are amazing.

Meredith: Just wait until the hormones surge. Then we will be phenomenal!

Derek: What time is the appointment?

Meredith: At eleven. I'm nervous. I'm really freaking nervous, Derek.

Derek: Everything will be fine.

Meredith: But what if it's not?

Derek: It will be, I promise.

Meredith: You shouldn't promise that. You have no control.

Derek: No, but I have faith. You need to eat some breakfast. I'm going to go make you some eggs.

Meredith: Okay. (Meredith lays there for a while, then goes to the kitchen. She laughs at the site of Derek. He was cooking breakfast and dancing, in his boxers.) You don't dance!

Derek: I dance when I'm happy. (He starts to sing.) 'Cause you're having my baby... (She starts to laugh, and he pulls her close, and they start dancing.) I love you.

Meredith: I love you too.

-----------------------------

Derek and Meredith laugh as they make their way up the stairwell. The last time they snuck this way, he had a broken nose, and she had a sprained ankle. Derek was getting antsy about telling everyone, but Meredith wanted to wait just a little longer. She knew no matter what, everyone would treat her differently. They finally made their way to the floor, and found themselves in an exam room waiting for Addison. Meredith was in an exam gown, and was sitting on the table.

Derek: Never has an exam gown looked so sexy.

Meredith: You are horrible.

Derek: You know, doctors are slow. I bet we could have a little fun before she gets in here.

Meredith: Absolutely not! (Addison walks in.)

Addison: Absolutely not, what?

Meredith: Derek, he wanted exam room sex.

Derek: I did not. I said I wanted to have some fun...

Addison: You two are horrible.

Meredith: Not me, him.

Addison: So, I am going to do a transvaginal ultrasound today. Since we aren't sure how far along you are, we will have a better change of seeing the baby this way. It may be a little uncomfortable.

Meredith: Okay.

Addison: Why don't you lay back, and put your feet in the stirrups. (Meredith does. Derek grabs her hand. He notes that it is sweaty. He can tell she is very nervous.)

Derek: It will be okay, Mer. (He turns to Addison.) She's nervous.

Addison: Everything will be fine, Meredith. I am just going to insert the probe now.

Derek: (He looks at it.) Ouch. (Meredith winces. Addison looks at the screen.)

Addison: There it is! (She points to the screen.) He or she is about the size of a kidney bean. (Meredith has tears running down her cheeks. Derek squeezes her hand.) I would say you are about 8 weeks 2 days. I don't see a heartbeat. (Meredith gets a panicked look on her face, and starts to hyperventilate.) Wait, no, there it is!

Derek: Mer, calm down.

Meredith: I--can't--not--not again.

Addison: It's right there, see it.

Meredith: (Sighs.) Yeah... It's amazing.

Derek: That's our baby! (He kisses her.)

Addison: We need to draw some blood, just to make sure everything is okay. I will leave you two alone for a few minutes. (She leaves.)

Derek: I can't believe it. That's our baby. God Mer. I love you so much. (HIs eyes are rimmed with tears.)

Meredith: I can't believe I'm going to be a mother.

Derek: You will be a great mother.

Meredith: You think?

Derek: I know.


	87. Chapter 87

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek and Meredith just kept staring at the screen. The could not believe that in seven months, they would be holding their baby. Derek couldn't get the smile off of his face. After about ten minutes, Addison came back in.

Derek: This is amazing.

Addison: I am so happy for you two.

Meredith: Oh my God.

Derek: (With a look of concern on his face.) What?

Meredith: 8 weeks, 2 days. That's two weeks before the wedding. That's the night.

Derek: What night?

Meredith: The hot tub.

Derek: I knew I liked the hot tub.

Addison: Are you saying you conceived your child in my hot tub?

Derek: Yep.

Addison: You could have left that information to yourself.

Meredith: Sorry.

Addison: Just don't tell Mark. I don't need him to get any ideas. (She chuckled.) So Meredith, I was wondering if we could talk about your first pregnancy.

Meredith: (She started to look worried.) Um, yeah. I guess.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Addison: You're sure? (Derek's pager goes off.)

Derek: Crap.

Meredith: Go.

Derek: No, I need to stay with you.

Meredith: Someone could be dying. I will be okay. I'll see you at home.

Derek: If you're sure... (She nods, he kisses her and leaves.)

Addison: Do you still want to talk?

Meredith: Sure.

Addison: Was your first pregnancy planned?

Meredith: No.

Addison: How far along were you when you found out?

Meredith: When I missed my first period, I took a test. It was positive.

Addison: Did you have regular check-ups?

Meredith: Of course.

Addison: Did you take prenatal vitamins?

Meredith: Yeah.

Addison: Were there any problems with the pregnancy?

Meredith: Not really. I was healthy. We were both healthy. I didn't have Braxton Hicks, no spotting, no false labor. I was at the doctor for my check-up at 38 weeks, and there was no heartbeat. (She starts to cry Addison grabs her hand.) They induced my labor, and I gave birth to a baby girl. She was 19 1/4 inches and 7 pounds 3 ounces. She was perfect. She was beautiful. She was---she was dead. (She is now bawling.) Oh God, Addison. What if it happens again? I can't do it again. I can't live through it a second time. I will die. I can't lose Derek's baby. Having a miscarriage is bad, but having a beautiful, full-term baby die, I can't---

Addison: We will monitor you very closely. I will do everything I can, Meredith. The chances of it happening again are not that great. We will take care of you. We will check you weekly, if that's what you want. We will not take any chances. But I do know one thing, you have got to relax. Stress has to be kept to a minimum.

Meredith: Okay. Thank you, Addison. (Addison embraces her. Their pagers go off.) This isn't good.

Addison: No, It's not.

---------------------

There was a five car pile-up on the freeway. All of the car crash victims were brought to Seattle Grace. Meredith was one of the first interns to show up. George, Izzie and Alex had the day off. Cristina was already there, and had been pulled into surgery with Burke. Meredith quickly put her scrubs on and found Miranda Bailey.

Bailey: That was fast. Were you here? (Meredith ignored her.) Well, it's your lucky day, since you were here first, go to OR two and scrub in with Shepherd. When that's over, come back to the pit.

Meredith: Okay.

Bailey: Not that I care, but are you okay?

Meredith: Yeah, why?

Bailey: Nothing, just go.

Meredith quickly ran to the scrub room. She turned on the water and did the usual ritual of scrubbing her arms and hands. She looked in at Derek who was concentrating heavily. This is just what she needed after the conversation she had with Addison. She put on a pair of gloves at walked in to operating room. She quietly stood off to the side. She watched Derek as he worked. He was meticulous, he was talented. She hoped that someday she could be as good as him. She knew that Neuro is what she wanted to do. Her mind started to drift off to her conversation with Addison. She saw John in the delivery room with her, crying. That was by far the worst day of her life. She didn't even realize Derek was talking to her.

Derek: Dr. Shepherd? (He looked up, seeing tears running down her cheeks. His face looked concerned. She hadn't even realized she was crying. She looked back at him, letting him know that she was okay.)

Meredith: Yes?

Derek: How would you like to get a closer look?

Meredith: That would be great. (She steps up.)

Derek: (Whispers almost inaudibly.) Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm okay. I think. I think I'm okay.

-----------------

Meredith found her way into an on-call room after several back to back surgeries. She didn't have the energy to go home. She didn't have the energy to do anything. She laid down in the bed and closed her eyes, quickly drifting off to sleep. Derek finished his last surgery. Meredith didn't say anything about going home, so he decided to check out the usual spots. She was in the third room he checked. She looked peaceful. He slipped off his shoes, and laid down next to her. Her arms immediately wrapped around him.

Derek: What if I was Alex?

Meredith: Alex would not be stupid enough to climb into bed with me.

Derek: That may be. (Meredith falls back asleep, and Derek watches her.) Mer. Mer?

Meredith: (She moans.) What?

Derek: Did you eat?

Meredith: What?

Derek: When was the last time you ate?

Meredith: This morning.

Derek: Are you kidding me? Damn-it Mer. You have got to take better care of yourself. And our child.

Meredith: When was I supposed to eat Derek? I have been in surgery since this afternoon. _Have you eaten_?

Derek: Well, no. But that;s different. You should have gotten something before you came in here.

Meredith: I am too damn tired. (Derek gets out of bed.) Where are you going?

Derek: To get you something to eat.

Meredith: Derek...

Derek: No. I'll be back.

Meredith: I'll go with you.

Derek: You need to rest.

Meredith: I am fine Derek. You are being ridiculous. I know our baby needs nutrition, but I will go. Okay? You were the one in surgery all day. I was just observing. (She gets up.)

Derek: Lay your ass back down.

Meredith: Derek- (He glares at her.) Fine.

Derek goes to the bistro down the block from hospital. The cafeteria had been closed for several hours. Meredith was snoring loudly when he came back in. She didn't even wake up at the sound of the door. He didn't want to wake her, but she had to eat.

Derek: Mer.

Meredith: Hmm?

Derek: I brought you food. Get up. (Derek handed her a container containing chicken, mixed vegetables, and potatoes. He had the same thing.)

Meredith: It's good. Thank you. (They both lean up against the wall on the bottom bunk.)

Derek: You need to eat well, Mer. That's our baby in there. (He rubs her stomach.) You feel--

Meredith: I'm bloated.

Derek: They say you start showing sooner with the second pregnancy. I can't wait.

Meredith: I can.

Derek: Are you okay? I mean, after today?

Meredith: Yeah. I won't lie. It was really hard. I'm scared.

Derek: Everything will be okay.

Meredith: (She puts her fork down.) Derek, you don't understand. I can not do this again. I will not be able to go on if I lose this baby. Looking at John was bad--but you--looking at you--. If I have to look at your face. I can't. It will kill me. (She hands him the food.) I can't eat anymore.

Derek: Mer-

Meredith: I ate. Look, I did. (He throws their food containers away, and lays down next to her.)

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: No. Just hold me, okay. (He wraps his arms around her and he buries his head in her neck. One silent tear runs down his face. He can only imagine how hard it is for her.)

Derek: I love you. (He whispered as she slept.)

---------------------

**Okay, so Mer is really worried, for good reason. Derek understands, which is good. They will start telling people about the baby very soon!**


	88. Chapter 88

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Derek had done all the planning. The plane trip was uneventful. Luckily, Richard agreed to let them both have three days off. Meredith was excited about telling Lynn that she would soon be greeting the newest of the Shepherd family. Derek had gotten a rental car, and they were on their way to his childhood home.

Derek: My mom is going to be so surprised to see us!

Meredith: Surprised? What do you mean surprised? You didn't tell her we were coming?

Derek: I thought it would be more exciting if we just showed up.

Meredith: Derek! You can't do that. We can't just show up. We can't just walk up to the door and say "We're here!". We need to go to the hotel first. We will call her and warn her from there.

Derek: Hotel?

Meredith: Seriously? Seriously? You didn't book a hotel?

Derek: I figured we could stay there, at home.

Meredith: Okay, so now it's "We're here. Oh and we are staying." God, Derek. How would you feel if someone did that to us? She may be busy. She may have things to do. We can't just show up. Oh my God. (She is getting a little panicky.) I can't believe this!

Derek: Calm down, Mer. It will be fine. She's my Mom. We don't need to let her know. She is always ready for her favorite son. (She smiles.)

Meredith: Yeah, favorite because you are her only son. After showing up unannounced, you will be lucky if she is even considering you her son!

Derek: She isn't like that, Mer. She is going to be so happy to see us. Besides, we have the secret weapon.

Meredith: What's that?

Derek: Baby Shepherd. As long as we have baby Shepherd, we can do no wrong. (She laughs.) I am not kidding. My sisters have gotten away with everything. I am serious! Before, I was the favorite, before my evil sisters started spawning the grandkids. Now I am ready to reclaim my position at the top.

Meredith: Oh dear. Our poor baby. Your ticket to the top. (She rubs her stomach, which is starting to get the tiniest bit of a baby bump.) You do realize my mom is going to be pissed, right?

Derek: Why?

Meredith: When she finds out that we told your mom first.

Derek: Maybe she doesn't have to know that. They can each think they knew first.

Meredith: So we came all the way to New York, but didn't tell her. Crap. We should have thought this out.

Derek: This is bad. We will figure something out. We'll just stick to saying we didn't tell her.

Meredith: Okay.

Derek: Here we are.

They pull up to a modest pale-yellow two story home with white trim. Meredith smiled. She was happy to be here. To get a peek into what Derek's life was like growing up. The neighborhood was full of nice middle-class homes. She was almost sick at the thought of just walking up to the door. She wanted to cry. She couldn't believe that Derek pulled this stunt. Derek held her hand as they walked up the front steps and onto the porch. They rang the doorbell. After a few seconds the door opened and Lynn appeared with a big smile on her face. (She opened the door and immediately hugged Derek.

Lynn: Derek! Meredith! What are you doing here?

Meredith: I'm so sorry. He failed to mention that he didn't let you know we were coming.

Lynn: You don't need to warn me. Look at you. You're glowing. Let me give you a hug! (She embraces her, and pulls away with a huge smile on her face.) So, how far along are you? (Derek and Meredith are shocked.) Oh, come on. I gave birth to four kids, I have ten grandchildren. I know things.

Meredith: Eleven weeks.

Lynn: (She hugs them both.) Congratulations! Come in, come in!

Derek: I'll put our bags upstairs. (He heads upstairs. Meredith scans the house. Everything is perfect, just as she imagined it would be. Lynn kept the house immaculate. Meredith laughed when she saw a picture of Derek in high school.)

Lynn: Would you like something to drink, Meredith?

Meredith: Sure.

Lynn: How about some tea? Decaf, of course.

Meredith: That would be great. (Meredith sits down at the table.)

Lynn: So how have you been feeling?

Meredith: Pretty good. The morning sickness has finally stopped. It was almost unbearable.

Lynn: Mine was the worst with Derek. It lasted for what seemed like forever. Do you like lasagna, dear?

Meredith: Oh yeah.

Lynn: That's what I'll make for dinner. (Derek walks downstairs.)

Derek: My room still looks the same.

Lynn: It is. I just go in there to dust and vacuum.

Meredith: The same as in...

Derek: When I left for college.

Meredith: I am going to have to see this.

Derek: You will. That's where we'll be sleeping.

Lynn: You could stay in my room, it has a bigger bed.

Meredith: I'm sure Derek's is fine.

Lynn: I can't believe I am going to be a grandma again! This is wonderful. My son is going to be a father!

Derek: Yes I am. (He smiles.)

They spent the day going through photo albums, and telling stories. Meredith was having a great time. About an hour before dinner, Meredith started to get pretty tired. Derek insisted she take a nap on the sofa, while he helped prepare dinner. Derek came in and woke Meredith up with a kiss on the forehead.

Meredith: (Stretches.) Hmm. I feel better.

Derek: Dinner is ready.

Meredith: Good, I'm starved. (They make their way into the kitchen and sit down.)

Derek: You slept pretty soundly.

Meredith: I was pretty tired.

Lynn: You need your rest. Those Shepherd babies take the life out of you.

Meredith: I am still in my first trimester. It will only get worse. I keep telling Derek that I am fine. You know how he is.

Lynn: He worries. This is his first child. He will only get more protective. You know he was 9 Lbs. 12 oz. when he was born. Shepherds are big babies.

Meredith: Oh, great.

Lynn: This is going to be the cutest grandchild yet. Between you two. One luckily baby!

Derek: I told you, back on top!

Lynn: What?

Meredith: Derek is just-- never mind.

Lynn: Oh. So how is the hospital?

Derek: It's good. I got offered Chief of Surgery.

Lynn: That is wonderful! (Her face grows stern.) I hope you didn't take it.

Derek: I didn't.

Lynn: Good.

Meredith: I think he should have. It is his dream. It's an opportunity of a lifetime!

Lynn: Do you know what that would do? He would never be home.

Meredith: But it is his dream. Besides, the hospital is his life.

Lynn: No dear. You are his life.

Derek: I wasn't considering it before. But now, with the baby on the way, it isn't even an option. I want to be happy with my wife and child.

Lynn: You made the right choice, dear. Meredith, I know what you are thinking, but believe me, it's not his dream anymore. Chief of Surgery should go to someone who doesn't have a life beyond the hospital. It's too much time, too much responsibility.

Meredith: It's Der's decision. I can accept it.

------------------------

Meredith: This is hilarious!

Derek: My room?

Meredith: Mine was different. You... you're just so...old!

Derek: Thanks!

Meredith: Hey, I've always had a thing for older guys. Well, older guys named Derek.

Derek: Is that so?

Meredith: It is. So, do I really want to know how many girls have been in this bed?

Derek: None. My mom would have killed me.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek: Hell yes. Have you met her? (Meredith laughs.)

Meredith: At least you have a double bed. I don't know how comfortable we would have been in a twin.

Derek: We would have been fine. You spend most of the time on top of me anyway.

Meredith: Derek!

Derek: What? (He raises his eyebrows, and starts kissing her neck.)

Meredith: What are you doing?

Derek: Do you need an explanation? (He starts to unbutton her flannel top, and kiss her chest.)

Meredith: Stop. Your mom is right across the hall. (He starts kissing her stomach, and stops to talk to the baby.)

Derek: Hello baby, this is your daddy. I can't wait to see you.

Meredith: Seriously! You are not doing this.

Derek: Seriously...(He unties her pants and slides them down.) I am.

Meredith: We can't.

Derek: We can. You just have to be quiet. No screaming.

Meredith: No...(He pulls her panties down. She gasps.) Okay... Oh dear God! (She mumbled. He finds his way back up to her mouth.)

Derek: God I love you. (She peels his pants down, kissing him deeply. He slides himself into her. She lets out a soft moan.) You really do have to be quiet... (He thrusts himself into her. Deeper and deeper, increasing in strength and tempo.)

Meredith: Oh, Derek...Derek...

Derek: Oh, Mer... (He feels her tighten around him, a warm rush flows over him. He feels her body shudder. He comes to the height of his pleasure and releases with a moan.) Oh, God Mer.

Meredith: That was bad...

Derek: I thought it was pretty good.

Meredith: It was good. What we did was bad.

Derek: Well, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else is my bed. I have dreamed of this forever. A hot girl in my bed with me. The reality is so much better.

Meredith: I love you.

Derek: I love you too.

------------------------------

They spent two days in New York with Lynn. The time flew by. They knew that their jobs were waiting for them and they needed to get back to reality. Lynn was on cloud nine. She could not wait for her grandchild to make his of her way into the world. She decided that she would come to Seattle towards the end of the pregnancy to take care of Meredith. That made Derek feel a lot better. As they sat in the plane on their way home they were both glad that they went to New York and told Lynn is person. Now they had to tell Ellis...

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**Okay, a chapter of fluff. Who doesn't love fluff! I hope I do okay with the pregnancy/baby stuff. I do like pregnant Mer. I, like 2SeXy4MYsCRUbS, I am not maternal. No babies will ever be coming out of me. However, a baby with PD...well...lol. Seriously. Happy Grey's Day!**


	89. Chapter 89

Bailey had been working Meredith like a dog. Between Meredith walking into Derek's operating room and yelling at him, and Meredith taking time off for the wedding and New York, Bailey was out to get her. Meredith and Derek had plans to go to dinner with Richard and Ellis. They were going to tell them about the baby. With the extra hours Bailey had been throwing at Meredith, they had to cancel on them twice this week. Meredith's baby bump is getting bigger by the day.

Meredith: Shit! (Meredith is standing in the bathroom, trying to button her pants.)

Derek: What's wrong. Oh...(He starts to laugh.)

Meredith: Derek! (She shouts.) It's not funny! I think I'm bloated.

Derek: Dear, I don't think your bloated. I think you are pregnant.

Meredith: Seriously! Please, grab me another pair of jeans. (Derek comes back with another pair, she tries to put those on.) Crap. I need bigger ones. (He goes to the closet.)

Derek: That's it.

Meredith: What do you mean? Those are the biggest ones?

Derek: Yes.

Meredith: Help me button these.

Derek: I am not suffocating our baby.

Meredith: Oh, give me a break.

Derek: Here, wear these. (He throws her a pair of yoga pants.)

Meredith: This is not happening.

Derek: I think it's great. Very...sexy.

Meredith: Don't bother.

Derek: You can't blame me for trying. Just tell everyone you went out running this morning.

Meredith: Aren't you supposed to shower after doing that? Why would I wear my nasty jogging clothes to work?

Derek: You look fine. Why don't you just tell them?

Meredith: Because, my mother doesn't even know yet! Bailey is already trying to kill me. I don't need her to be anymore pissed at me. All of my friends will let the cat out of the bag. If I tell Izzie, she will be all happy, planning nursery themes, and talking to my stomach. If George knows, he will let it slip accidentally. He cannot keep a secret. Bailey would yell at him, and he would blurt it out, out of fear. And Alex would tell everyone just because he is an ass!

Derek: Miranda will find out eventually.

Meredith: I would rather we be on better terms first.

Derek: She is your resident, but you work with attendings all day. I am your husband, Addison is your friend and doctor, Mark is our baby's uncle, and Burke is a friend. You are covered.

Meredith: Yeah, but Bailey can still send me to the pit! You can't protect me there.

Derek: I see your point. Don't forget we have dinner with your mom and Richard tonight.

Meredith: I know. This is the first night I have had off in a week. I will probably fall asleep in my soup.

Derek: You'll be fine. Let's go to work.

------------------

Izzie: What the hell are you wearing?

Meredith: Um, yoga pants.

Izzie: You do yoga now?

Cristina: Seriously? This is Mer, she doesn't do yoga.

Izzie: Mer, I have never seen you dress like that. You shirt is almost to your knees.

Meredith: My jeans were dirty.

Izzie: You literally have like forty pairs. (Meredith takes a quick walk around the locker room, no one else has arrived yet.)

Meredith: Fine! (She lifts her shirt.)

Izzie: Oh my God! You're pregnant! Congratulations! (They look up to see George.)

George: You're pregnant?

Meredith: Crap! Listen you guys! You can not say anything. Seriously. I haven't told my mom yet. We are having dinner with her tonight. I do not need Bailey finding out. I don't need her riding my ass anymore than she is.

Izzie: I can't believe it! Cristina, you knew?

Cristina: Of course I knew. I am her person.

Izzie: Whatever. You guys and your secrets and your...whatever.

George: So how far along are you?

Meredith: Twelve weeks.

George: This is awesome. I'm gonna be an uncle. (He and Izzie start dancing. Meredith hurriedly changes into her scrubs.)

Cristina: You two are losers.

Izzie: Because we're happy?

Cristina: Because you're losers. (Alex walks in.)

George: Alex, you're going to be late. (Bailey walks in.)

Izzie: Alex is late.

Alex: I'm here.

Bailey: You better hurry your ass up! Pre-rounds everyone.

-----------------------

Meredith scrubbed in with Mark Sloan on a Rhinoplasty. She could swear he knew. Meredith knew that Addison would never tell anyone if she had told her not to, but Mark was acting differently. Twice during the surgery, he nonchalantly rubbed against her stomach. The baby bump was obvious if you got close enough. He kept giving her a sly smile over the surgical table. Finally they were in the scrub room after surgery together.

Mark: Come here.

Meredith: What?

Mark: Come here. (She walks over. He puts his hand on her abdomen.) So when were you guys going to tell me?

Meredith: (Acting innocently.) Tell you what?

Mark: That I am going to be an uncle!

Meredith: Did Addison tell you?

Mark: I knew she was hiding something from me...No she didn't. I am a plastic surgeon. I know bodies, I know women. I know your body...

Meredith: You know my body? You had better not let Derek know that! (He laughs.)

Mark: Not like that. It's very obvious, you know.

Meredith: Seriously?

Mark: Yes. You actually look healthy.

Meredith: (Retorts.) Thanks!

Mark: You are always stick thin. Pregnancy suits you. How far along?

Meredith: Twelve weeks. You can not say anything. My mom doesn't even know yet.

Mark: My lips are sealed.

--------------------

Derek: Look at that healthy meal my wife is eating!

Meredith: Yes she is!

Derek: So how is your day going?

Meredith: Good. I scrubbed in on a Rhinoplasty with Mark. He knows.

Derek: What?

Meredith: Addison didn't tell him. He figured it out. Oh, and Izzie, and George know too.

Derek: I thought you were hell bent on not telling them!

Meredith: It was obvious when I walked into the locker room today. I don't think my mom will find out in the few hours that are left before dinner.

Derek: I hope not. I don't want to see the wrath of Ellis Grey.

Meredith: Me neither. (Izzie, George and Cristina walks up.)

Izzie: Congratulations, Daddy!

Derek: Thanks Izzie.

Cristina: So you will be making your transformation soon.

Derek: What transformation?

Cristina: From McDreamy to McDaddy.

George: McDaddy? It kind of makes him sound like a pimp. (They all laugh.)

Meredith: He will always be McDreamy to me. (She kisses him.)

Cristina: Oh God. You guys are making me sick.

Izzie: It's sweet. They are the perfect couple, and now they are going to have the perfect baby. A perfect McFamily.

Meredith: I would hardly call us perfect.

Derek: True. But we are damn close. I have to go check on my patient. See you tonight. (He kisses her.)

Izzie: So how do you feel?

Meredith: Pretty good. Better than I did. I was puking my guts out non-stop.

George: I can't believe we didn't realize.

Cristina: Don't feel bad, the brainless brain surgeon didn't either.

Meredith: He is not brainless. Well, not all of the time! I have to check on Mark's patient.

George: See you later.

Izzie: Good luck with your mom.

Cristina: She will need it!

Meredith: Thanks. As if I wasn't worried enough already!

--------------------

Meredith kept going through her closet trying to figure out what to wear. They were going to a nice restaurant. Derek came out of the bathroom, looking perfect in a nice shirt a pants. Meredith was walking back and forth in her closet.

Derek: You are going to wear a hole in the floor!

Meredith: I don't know what to wear.

Derek: Wear that robe you have on. It's hot.

Meredith: Seriously! Which one? (She holds up a navy dress and a deep red one.)

Derek: Definitely the red.

Meredith: I hope it fits. These are from Milan.

Derek: It's hot. But you make anything look hot.

Meredith: We have been packages everyday. We bought way too much on our honeymoon.

Derek: You only live once.

Meredith: Very true. (She slide the dress on.)

Derek: You look better without it...

Meredith: Zip me up, please.

Derek: Of course.

Meredith: Will this be okay? My mom, I mean.

Derek: It will be fine.

Meredith: If she is disappointed--

Derek: Meredith. It will be fine. (He pulls her close, and she lays her head on his shoulder.)

Meredith: I hope so. Oh crap, we need to go...

Derek: Yes, we do. (They get into the car and head to the restaurant.) You look amazing.

Meredith: Do I look pregnant?

Derek: Yes, but I don't think your mom will notice right away. The restaurant is dark.

Meredith: Good. (Meredith lays her head back on the seat and falls asleep.)

Derek: Mer--we're here.

Meredith: Oh, I fell asleep. I was tired. (They walk into the restaurant and see Richard and Ellis already seated.)

Richard: Nice to see you both.

Derek: You too. (They sit down.)

Ellis: The food here is great.

Meredith: We've been here a few times, it is good.

Ellis: So I hear Bailey has been working you hard.

Meredith: Is that so? Where did you hear that?

Ellis: From Miranda Bailey. Between us, you are the most gifted intern, and she knows it. She just wants to push you to your limits.

Richard: Is it too much?

Meredith: I don't want special treatment. It's fine.

Derek: So have you decided on a new Chief?

Richard: I was hoping you'd reconsider.

Derek: Well, that's why we're here actually.

Ellis: You've changed your mind?

Derek: Well, no.

Richard: Oh.

Derek: Actually, Mer and I, we-- (He fumbles with his words.)

Meredith: I'm pregnant. You are going to be grandparents.

Richard: Oh that's great! Congratulations!

Ellis: Oh...

Meredith: I knew it. I knew you would be disappointed.

Ellis: I'm not. I'm happy. It's just-- Internship is hard. Being a mother is harder.

Derek: She can do it.

Ellis: I'm not saying she can't. It was hard when I was pregnant with her. It takes the life out of you.

Richard: Meredith, this is great. You will be a fantastic mother.

Ellis: I don't want you to suffer, Meredith. I just want you to know how hard it will be.

Meredith: I know how hard it will be. But, this baby is on it's way whether we're ready of not!

Ellis: If you are happy, I am happy.

Derek: We are overjoyed. I am going to be a father!

Richard: We're very happy for you Derek, for you both. So how far along are you?

Meredith: Twelve weeks.

Ellis: You waited this long to tell me!

Meredith: Well...

Ellis: Does his mother know?

Meredith: Uh...

Derek: No. We didn't tell her. We wanted to tell you first.

Ellis: Well, thank you Derek. I would hate to think I rated that low.

Derek: Of course not.

Ellis: Well, Meredith, we are here for you. Whatever you need.

Meredith: I appreciate that.

Ellis: Pregnancy is hard Meredith.

Meredith: I know, mom.

Ellis: And labor, oh my God.

Meredith: I know, Mom.

Ellis: You think you know, but you don't know until you go through it. It is horrible. The pain. But is it all worth it when you see your baby's face. Nothing is more fulfilling than hearing your baby cry for the first time.

Meredith: (Obviously upset.) I have to go to the bathroom. (She gets up an leaves.)

Ellis: What is wrong with her?

Derek: It's, uh. I'll be right back. (He gets up and leaves, following Meredith into the bathroom.) Mer. (He holds her.) I'm sorry.

Meredith: I should be able to just get over it, right? I am pathetic. It's been a long time, Derek. This happens to people all of the time. I'm sure they don't run and hid at the mention of childbirth or crying babies. What is wrong with me?

Derek: You are human. You have feelings. You are sympathetic. You are Meredith, the love of my life. I am so sorry you had to go through what you did, but I am here for you. I will always be here for you. Losing a baby, is unimaginable. It might get easier, but it will never go away. You would not be you, if you could just write it off and forget. (He rubs her tears with his thumb.)

Meredith: Thank you, Derek. I can't get mad at her, she doesn't know. Maybe I should tell her.

Derek: That is up to you. We had better get back.

Meredith: Yeah. (They walk back to the table.)

Richard: (With a concerned look on his face.) Is everything okay?

Meredith: Yeah.

Ellis: No, it's not. Honey, what's wrong?

Meredith: I'm okay. (She looks at Derek.)

Derek: She's okay.

Ellis: Well, lets decide what we want, I'm starved.

They all enjoyed their meals. Meredith wanted to tell her mom about the baby, but she knew the restaurant wasn't the place to. Besides, this was supposed to be a happy occasion. Meredith was the only one that wanted dessert, which made everyone laugh. Finally after a long evening they all walked out together.

Richard: I had a good time. (He shakes Derek's hand and hugs Meredith.) I guess you are pregnant! (Meredith rubs her stomach.)

Meredith: Yeah, I am.

Ellis: I am truly happy. (She hugs her.) I am going to be a grandmother! I love you, Meredith.

Meredith: I love you too, Mom. See you guys later. (Derek and Meredith get into the car.) That wasn't bad.

Derek: That was pretty good.

Meredith: You lied to my mother! You told her that your mom didn't know.

Derek: There was no way I was telling Ellis Grey anything different.

Meredith: I don't blame you. I think she is really happy.

Derek: I think she is too.

Meredith: For the first time in my life, everything just feels right.

----------------------

**Another semi-fluffy chapter. Not much more of this story left. I am already thinking up my next one. Its should be good, I hope. I am so freaking excited. Guess who's going to see Snow Patrol?...I AM!!! YAY!**


	90. Chapter 90

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith has been running it over and over in her head. She has decided to tell Miranda Bailey that she is pregnant. She knew that she was better off telling her, than to have her find out from a nurse. Everyone knows how the rumor mill runs at Seattle Grace. Oddly enough, she was nervous. Much more nervous than telling Derek, or her mother for that matter. Miranda Bailey is a surgeon, a strong, independent woman. A role model. A leader. If anyone was going to be disappointed, it was her. Meredith was questioning it herself. Not because she didn't want the baby, or she wasn't ready, because she is supposed to succeed. She was raised to succeed, to be on top. This baby, and her new life would be her priority now. Not becoming a world renowned surgeon. She watched Dr. Bailey from down the hall. She was small, but she was mighty. She is the Nazi, after all. Finally, like someone pushed her from behind, she sprung forward. It's now, or never.

Meredith: Dr. Bailey?

Bailey: Yes, Shepherd.

Meredith: I , um, well, I was...

Bailey: Spit it out. Surgeons do not stammer.

Meredith: I was hoping I could speak to you.

Bailey: Speak. (As she said it, it reminded Meredith as a dog and trainer. So much like the way she felt.)

Meredith: (Looks around at the nurses, who's attention was obviously piqued.) In private.

Bailey: (Furrows her brow.) Okay. (They walk over to an empty room.) What is it?

Meredith: I am pregnant. I know what you are going to say. You are going to say that it will kill me. I will become weak. That I have ruined my chances at becoming a great surgeon. That it is irresponsible and foolish. I wanted to tell you, before you heard it from someone else. (She rambled.) So, I am pregnant. So. I already know. What you are going to say.

Bailey: Actually you don't. What I am going to say is, Congratulations.

Meredith: You aren't disappointed?

Bailey: It will be harder on you, no doubt. But it was bound to happen. You and Dr. Shepherd, everyone knew you would have kids. You will be fine. You are an exceptional intern. I don't think we will have a problem here. Not to mention I have noticed your scrubs getting a lot tighter. You weren't hiding anything. (She looks at Meredith.) Breath, Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith: (Lets out a gush of air.) Ahh. Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I'm going to go check on a patient. (She begins to walk away.)

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd?

Meredith: Yes?

Bailey: Thank you for telling me yourself. I appreciate not having to hear it in the halls. (Meredith nods.)

Meredith goes and checks on her patient. She feels like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. Dr. Bailey was the last person that she had to tell. Everyone who mattered already knew. She made her way up to the OB floor. Addison had gotten used to seeing Meredith a lot. She was worried, and Addison knew that if she came and got regular ultrasounds, she would feel better.

Addison: Hello, Meredith.

Meredith: I know, I am probably the only person in the world who gets weekly ultrasounds.

Addison: It won't harm the baby. Plus it gives you peace of mind, which is important. (Meredith lays back on the table.) I don't mind doing it, really.

Meredith: Thank you, Addison.

Addison: Look at that. A nice strong heartbeat.

Meredith: Good.

Addison: So, fourteen weeks already. You're moving right along. By twenty weeks, the baby should start kicking. In a few weeks, we may be able to tell the baby's sex. Do you want to know?

Meredith: Derek and I haven't really talked about it. We have both been so busy. This is-- (She pauses and looks down.)

Addison: What?

Meredith: We're already so busy. I feel selfish, I just hope we don't forget to raise our baby along the way, you know?

Addison: Meredith, you won't. A baby changes everything. You will see, soon enough.

Meredith: I better go. Thanks again.

Addison: See you next week. (She chuckles.)

Meredith trotted to the elevator. After meeting with Addison, she always felt better. As the doors opened, they revealed Derek, a nurse, and someone from the lab. She walked in smiling. They had been mum about the baby to the rest of the hospital. They wanted to have a personal life that wasn't all over the hospital. It made life easier to try and separate the two. Meredith was feeling pretty happy, and at this point, she didn't care if the whole world knew.

Derek: So?

Meredith: Our baby is doing wonderfully.

Derek: Great. (The nurse raised an eyebrow. He walks up and holds her hand.)

Meredith: He or she has a very strong heartbeat. Oh, and Addison wants to know if we want to know the sex. Do you?

Derek: Yeah, I think so. Everyone likes the surprise, but I want to know what I should call he or she. I hate saying "it."

Meredith: I agree.

Derek: So, I have a surprise for you when you get off.

Meredith: Do you really?

Derek: I do. You'll have to wait to find out.

Meredith: Fine. (The doors open.) I am going to get something to eat. See you later, Dr. Shepherd.

Derek: Dr. Shepherd...

Meredith made her way to the lunch line. She was starving, and everyone looked good. She grabbed a ham sandwich, some chips, a chocolate pudding, and an apple. She walked over to the table where the other interns were about halfway done eating.

Izzie: Where have you been?

Meredith: Making sure my baby still has a heart beat.

Alex: Aren't you a little overboard about that?

George: She worries. Leave her alone.

Cristina: I scrubbed in on a aortic repair on an infant. It was awesome.

Meredith: I bet it was. (She starts to put her sandwich together. She puts mayonnaise on the sandwich and takes a big bite.) It's missing something... George, are you going to eat that pickle?

George: I guess not.

Alex: She wants fetus' pickle. (He starts laughing.)

Cristina: Get you head out of the gutter, Evil Spawn.

Meredith: I don't think I want you people around my baby. (She puts the pickle on the ham sandwich and takes a bite.) Nope. Still not right. (She opens her pudding, dips the sandwich in it and them takes a bite.) There it is.

Alex: That is nasty.

Izzie: Eww, pickles and pudding...

Meredith: It's really good. George, try it.

George: Uh, no.

Meredith: Come one, Georgie. (She shoves it in his face, he takes a bite.)

George: Oh God, It's even worse than it sounds!

Cristina: I have to get back to work. This is disgusting!

George: Yeah, me. (They all get up, leaving her sitting alone.)

Meredith: Alone again, naturally. (She sings to herself.) Well, not alone. I always have you, Baby. (She rubs her stomach.)

-----------------------

Meredith waited patiently in the lobby. Derek said he would be down at six, and he was already fifteen minutes late. She sat down in a waiting chair and looked over at the baby magazine sitting on the table. She started to read it. It made her feel like she was behind. They didn't have anything ready. They didn't even know what they were doing. She started to cry. Between the hormones and the situation, she was feeling pretty bad. She looked down at her watch and realized she had sat there for forty-five minutes. No Derek. Finally Alex came walking down to leave.

Alex: Oh, I forgot. Shepherd said to let you know he was being pulled into surgery.

Meredith: (Teary eyed.) Oh.. How long ago?

Alex: About an hour.

Meredith: (Starts crying.) Oh...

Alex: Hey, are you okay?

Meredith: Yeah. (She cries even harder.)

Alex: No you're not.

Meredith: I'm having a baby. I'm having a baby and I have no nursery ready. I have no maternity clothes. I am wearing clothes that don't fit, and they bind me, and they hurt. I have nothing, and now you tell me that my husband probably won't be home tonight, which is fine. I mean, this is only a precursor of what's to come, right? Oh, and I can either take his car, or I can walk, so, yeah, I'm okay.

Alex: You are freaking out. Come on.

Meredith: What? I need to call a cab.

Alex: I'm taking you home.

Meredith: You don't have to.

Alex: Come on.

Meredith: Fine. (They walk to Alex's truck and get on. They drive down the road, and Alex stops at a small baby boutique.) What are we doing?

Alex: We are getting something for you to wear tomorrow. I for one, am tired of seeing your clothes rip in two.

Meredith: No, it's fine. You don't have to stop. You are busy.

Alex: It's fine. McDreamy is busy, and right now, I'm not.

They walk in and a sales assistant instantly helps Meredith. The assistant brings in several different outfits for Meredith to try on. Alex sits in a chair pretending that he isn't bored out of his mind. He reaches over grabbing a baby magazine, quickly flips through it and lays it back down. Meredith made her choices as fast as she could, trying not to make Alex wait. She goes up to the register with twelve interchangeable articles of clothing. Alex walks up and joins her.

Sales Woman: (To Alex.) Congratulations!

Alex: For what?

Sales Woman: The baby, of course.

Meredith: Oh, no he's not--

Alex: I'm not the baby's dad.

Sales Woman: Oh, I'm sure you will treat the baby just as if it was your own.

Meredith: No, I'm married.

Alex: Her husband is a neurosurgeon. He had surgery, she needed clothes. I'm her friend, so I brought her.

Meredith: Yes.

Sales Woman: Oh, sorry. That was very nice of you. Here's you receipt. Have a good day.

Meredith: You too. (They walk out.) Thanks, Alex.

Alex: No problem. (They get in his truck.)

Meredith: I guess I'm going to have to stop calling you 'Evil Spawn'.

Alex: I guess so. (They make small talk on the way to the house. Meredith smiles when they make it up the drive. She loves her house.) I don't get how you can stay in this house by yourself.

Meredith: Why?

Alex: Can you see Izzie, she would freak out.

Meredith: You get used to it. It's very quiet. Do you want to come in for a drink or something? Have you eaten?

Alex: No, I'm fine.

Meredith: Oh come on. I was going to make some burgers or something. You have to eat!

Alex: Okay, as long as you don't gross me out.

Meredith: I'll try not to.

Meredith went right to work cooking hamburgers. Alex was beside her cutting up tomatoes, onion and lettuce. They made a pretty decent team. Meredith always knew he was a good guy at heart. She was surprised at how much compassion he had shown her. Finally when the burgers were done, they sat down and ate.

Alex: You make a pretty good burger.

Meredith: I am learning.

Alex: Cristina has been non-stop pouting. I think she is already jealous of your baby.

Meredith: I knew she would be. To her, my life is ending. It is, I guess.

Alex: No it's not. That's what baby sitters are for.

Meredith: I suppose so. Mmm, you know what would be good on this burger?

Alex: What?

Meredith: Hot fudge.

Alex: Ah, God, that's gross! (They are both laughing. The door opens.)

Meredith: Oh, Derek, I didn't think you'd be home tonight. Here, have a burger.

Alex: She makes good burgers.

Derek: Is that so?

Meredith: Yep. Alex was nice enough to bring me home. He also took me to that cute little baby boutique by the hospital.

Derek: Oh. That's...nice.

Alex: (Sensing the weird air in the room.) Well, I need to get home...

Meredith: Already?

Alex: Yeah, it's getting late. (Meredith hugs him.)

Meredith: Thanks, Alex.

Alex: No problem. (Alex leaves.)

Derek: Wasn't that cozy?

Meredith: What?

Derek: You and Alex, having dinner, shopping together.

Meredith: Alex is a friend.

Derek: No, George, Izzie, and Cristina are friends. Alex is--

Meredith: What?

Derek: Alex is a guy.

Meredith: George is too.

Derek: George is different. Alex is--

Meredith: Are you jealous? (She chuckles.) You are jealous!

Derek: Hell yes, I'm jealous! You don't think it is inappropriate?

Meredith: To have a friend over? No.

Derek: I wasn't here. Alex, he could want you, you are gorgeous.

Meredith: You are kidding me! Yep, Alex and I were just getting ready to go at it. Alex wanting me? Ha! Maybe a year ago. Now, now you have branded me. I'm married, and I am a fat, pregnant girl. No one wants me! (She shakes her head.) You are unbelievable. I was sad, you got pulled into surgery. I had no clothes. Alex was nice enough to take me.

Derek: I am supposed to take you! I had this surprise planned, and now. This our first baby, and he was the first one to take you shopping. I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to see you in your new clothes. I am supposed to sit in the chair, beaming over my hot, pregnant wife. Beaming because I am going to be a father. Not an intern, not Alex, not a "friend".

Meredith: I didn't realize you would get this upset! You weren't around!

Derek: I have a job! I have a responsibility to the hospital.

Meredith: I do too. I also have a bigger responsibility inside me, as we speak. What are you going to do when this baby comes? What am I going to do? Damn-it. (He walks up, embraces her and kisses her on the head.)

Derek: I'm so sorry Mer. I want to be around.

Meredith: I know you do, Derek. I didn't mean to-- I didn't think you would care.

Derek: Well tomorrow, we are going shopping. You and I.

Meredith: Okay.

Derek: We will make this work.

Meredith: Do you know what sounds good?

Derek: What?

Meredith: A bath. Would you like to join me?

Derek: Do you really have to ask?

---------------

**Okay, so Alex was a good guy. I have always thought he was. He and Meredith have a connection, on a friendly level, I thought I would bring it up. Derek being jealous...He is so cute when he is jealous. On the show, he looks so tired, so stressed out. I really feel bad for him, he is truly worried about Mer. I hope the season doesn't end with them fighting like everyone is predicting.**


	91. Chapter 91

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith ended up being on call the next night. Then the following night Derek was in surgery. It was a testament to their lives. The hospital owned them, and it didn't matter what they wanted or what they had planned. Finally, by Thursday, they both had the evening off. Meredith was so exhausted, she tried to talk Derek out of going, but he insisted. Derek was driving down the road, and Meredith made him stop at Mandrake's, an antique store. They walked in and started looking around. Meredith saw it immediately, in the back of the store. It was a beautiful, antique crib. Derek walked over an examined the off white crib. It also had an armoire, changing table and small dresser. It was perfect. They immediately went up and purchased the furniture.

Meredith: It's perfect!

Derek: I'm glad you like it.

Meredith: At least we are finally getting this done. (She sighs.)

Derek: You act like it's a chore.

Meredith: It's just so overwhelming.

Derek: It's great! It's exciting. We are going to be parents. I think we should have ten kids. (He looks over to a shocked Meredith.) No?

Meredith: Let's just see how this goes...

Derek: I can live with that. For now. (He smiles at her.) Now let's go.

Meredith: More?

Derek: Of course. Some place called Birth and Beyond. Our baby needs things.

Meredith: We don't even know what we are having.

Derek: There are still things we can get. Neutral tones.

Meredith: Neutral tones?

Derek: Yeah, yellow and green colors for a boy or a girl.

Meredith: Okay, neutral tones.

Derek walked in the store, with Meredith's hand in his. His face was beaming. He looked like the happiest man in the world. He immediately started grabbing baby things. Meredith had to laugh, he seemed more into it than she did. She was so tired, she could barely walk. She wanted to be excited and into it, but her feet were throbbing, her stomach ached, and she had a dull headache. Not to mention the tiny ping of guilt she had in the pit of her stomach.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm tired. My feet hurt. But I'm okay.

Derek: I'm beginning to like yellow. Pale yellow is nice.

Meredith: Yeah, it is.

Derek: Look at these booties, aren't they cute?

Meredith: Uh, huh.

Derek: (He notices her unenthusiastic attitude.) Okay, well I think this is good for the day.

Meredith: No, you're having a good time.

Derek: But you aren't. We are supposed to be enjoying this.

Meredith: Derek, I'm sorry. (She looks down at her shoes.)

Derek: I'm beginning to wonder if you even want this baby. (Immediately he regrets saying it.)

Meredith: (Her eyes well up.) How could you say that? (She turns around and runs out of the store. She reaches the Jeep, and realizes she doesn't have the keys. She leans up against the car, and begins to weep.)

Sales Assistant: Is everything okay, Sir?

Derek: I'm just an Ass, that's all. (He sets the stuff down, and walks out.) Mer-

Meredith: What Derek?

Derek: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. (He leans against the car with her, and rubs her back.)

Meredith: But you did. You did say it. People don't say things they don't mean, Derek. They say they didn't mean it, but they do. If it came out of your mouth, you were thinking it.

Derek: You just don't seem happy. This should be a happy time in our lives. You just don't seem happy.

Meredith: (She turns and faces him.) I'm not, okay. At this moment, I'm not. My feet hurt, my head hurts, and the stress you are putting on me right now, it's making my back throb. The last time I did this, baby shopping, was before. You know when. I don't want to feel guilty, but I do. I shouldn't have another baby, if I couldn't keep the first one. It was fate's way of telling me that I would have been a shitty mother. So now, I've pushed it to the limit, I've told fate to screw itself, I got pregnant. I am praying that fate thinks I will be a good mother. Because if it doesn't, I can't take it. So that's how I feel, Derek. (He hugs her.)

Derek: You have got to quit blaming her death on yourself. She died. You had to bury her. No one should have to go through that, but you did. No one wants you to keep blaming yourself, Mer. It was not your fault, and deep down, you know it. It is not fair to our baby. You have got to let this go. I love you Meredith, more than life, but this has to end.

Meredith: Don't you think I know that! I don't know what to do. I don't want our baby to be born in guilt. I don't want my baby to feel resented because it lived. I'm trying, I really am. This baby means everything to me. This baby is ours. I want this baby Derek. I want him more than anything.

Derek: Him?

Meredith: Yes, him.

Derek: Did you find out without me?

Meredith: No. I just have a feeling.

Derek: Hmm, him...a son.

Meredith: I will be okay, Derek. It's the hormones. I will love our baby. I just need to let go of her.

Derek: You don't have to let go.

Meredith: I do, Derek. I have to. John, he let go. I refused, I refused to believe it. I know she's dead. But this small part of me, it thinks she will come back.

Derek: She's not coming back, Meredith.

Meredith: Nine months, I talked to her. Nine months, I told her I loved her. I told her stories every night. Nine months, then, in one day, she was gone. Like she never existed. Like a dream. Like I had imagined up. It really hurts me, she never got to know me. She never knew she had a mother, and a father who loved her.

Derek: She loved you. She knew. I promise you, she knew. I believe that she is okay now, Mer. She has Lois, and John. She is okay.

Meredith: Do you think so? (She looks up at him with a tears stained face, full of hope.)

Derek: I know.

Meredith: Thank you. (He holds her for a few minutes.) Derek?

Derek: Yeah?

Meredith: I'm starving.

Derek: I knew there was a reason you were grouchy. (She whacks him in the arm.) Ouch! Let's feed you.

-----------------------

Meredith and Derek hadn't gotten around to doing anymore baby shopping. Meredith didn't want to let him know, but she was working as much as she could right now. She knew that when the baby came, she would be on maternity leave for a while, and she wanted to keep her edge as long as she could. Meredith had been working way over one hundred hour work weeks. Derek had been quite busy himself, but he had been able to go home several nights a week. Meredith scrubbed in on a procedure with Addison.

Addison: So how are you feeling? (Addison asked while working on the patient.)

Meredith: I'm okay. Managing.

Addison: You aren't working too hard, I hope.

Meredith: I can handle it.

Addison: You don't have to prove anything.

Meredith: I am only at eighteen weeks.

Addison: That is true, but you have to be easy on yourself.

Meredith: I'm beginning to wonder who's worrying more, you or Derek. Or did Derek get to you?

Addison: He did tell me to try an influence you. But I know you well enough to know you will do what you want.

Meredith: He worries too much.

Addison: It's only because he loves you so much. We can do the ultrasound before you leave tonight.

Meredith: Okay. I have to make sure Derek isn't in surgery. We decided that we want to know, if it's a boy or girl.

Addison: What do you think it is?

Meredith: I think it's a boy. With Annabella, I was wide. I mean wide. I weighed so much, it was unbelievable. This time it is more in front of me. It's a boy, I'm sure.

Addison: We shall see...

-----------------------

Meredith laid back on the table. Derek hadn't arrived yet. He was fifteen minutes late. Luckily, Addison knew how it went, how doctors got pulled into emergency surgeries. Meredith convinced Addison that she could go do some paperwork until Derek showed up. She closed her eyes, actually grateful for the much needed rest. She hadn't been home in four days. Bailey actually demanded that she go home tonight, and Derek was beginning to wonder if she didn't want to come home. Derek and Addison come in on a deeply-sleeping Meredith.

Addison: (Chuckles.) She does snore loudly.

Derek: You can't tell her that!

Addison: She has got to slow down.

Derek: Bailey is making her go home tonight. I think she is trying to make up for the time that she is going to be off.

Addison: That is just foolish.

Derek: This is Meredith we're talking about. (He leans down and kisses Meredith.) Mer.

Meredith: Hmm? (Opens her eyes, and looks at the clock.)

Derek: We're ready.

Meredith: Crap, Bailey is going to kill me! I've been sleeping for an hour.

Addison: Honey, your shift is over.

Meredith: Oh, I guess you are right.

Addison: Are you ready?

Meredith: (Looks at Derek.) Are you?

Derek: Of course. I'm ready to see my girl.

Meredith: Boy.

Addison: Well, let's see. (Meredith pulls up her shirt, revealing her large stomach.)

Meredith: I know. I'm a cow.

Derek: You are beautiful. (Addison squeezes jelly on her abdomen. Addison runs the doppler over her abdomen, and watches the screen.)

Addison: Everything looks good.

Derek: And? (He looks at her like a child waiting to open a present.)

Addison: Derek, Meredith, meet your little boy.

Meredith: It's a boy?

Derek: You're sure?

Addison: I'm sure!

Meredith: Look at our little boy. (She looks at Derek, who has a very emotional look on his face.) We're have a little Derek.

Addison: Well, we better keep him a away from the little girls in the nursery when he is born.

Meredith: No kidding.

Addison: Would you like me to print it for you?

Derek: Yes. I can't wait to show everyone my son. Thank you, Addison.

Addison: No problem.

Derek: Let's go home. I have a surprise for you. (She starts to talk.) You have to wait!

Meredith: Okay.

As they walked down the hallway, Derek stopped everyone to tell them he was having a son. He was walking on clouds. When they reached the elevator, it revealed Ellis and Richard.

Richard: On your way home?

Derek: Yep, you?

Richard: Yep.

Derek: (He couldn't hold it in any longer.) It's a boy!

Richard: A boy? Congratulations!

Ellis: A boy? (She moaned. Meredith's face dropped.) I'm kidding. It's great. But you do know that you will have to have a Grey woman eventually. We have to keep it going. A long line of Grey surgeons.

Meredith: Yeah, a girl. (Derek looked over at Meredith, who was now looking at the floor.)

Derek: Hey Richard, I need to show you something in my office. Mer- I'll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes.

Meredith: Okay. (He winks at her. She knows why he is leaving.)

Ellis: I'll be with Meredith, Richard.

Richard: Okay. (They exit the elevator at the next floor. Meredith and Ellis get off in the Lobby, and sit down.)

Meredith: Mom, I need to tell you something.

Ellis: (With a face full of growing concern.) Okay...

Meredith: It's been hurting me for a while, and I need you to not judge. I need you to--

Ellis: What is it?

Meredith: I had a baby, Mom.

Ellis: What? What happened? Where is it? When?

Meredith: When I was eighteen. Before John and I got married. When you and I weren't talking. She--she died. She was stillborn. (She begins to cry, Ellis embraces her, her own eyes tearing up.)

Ellis: Meredith. Why didn't you tell me?

Meredith: Mom...

Ellis: Right. I would have judged you, I would have given you a hard time. I'm so sorry, Meredith. When you needed your mother the most, I wasn't there.

Meredith: You didn't know... It's just so hard, dealing with it, you know? (Derek and Richard are stepping off of the elevator.)

Ellis: Why don't we meet for lunch tomorrow? We can talk.

Meredith: Okay.

Derek: Are you ready to go?

Meredith: Yes, I am. (They walk to the car.)

Derek: Are you okay? How did it go?

Meredith: It was good. It was okay

Derek: Good.

The ride home was silent. They were both thinking. Thinking about the future, and the past. So much had happened to them both. But if it hadn't happened, they wouldn't be where they are now. Having a baby, having a wonderful life. Derek pulled his car into the driveway. They walked in together. Derek immediately led her upstairs.

Meredith: Where are we going?

Derek: Your surprise! Close your eyes... (He opens the door. He leads her in.) Open them.

Meredith opens her eyes to reveal a perfect, freshly painted nursery. The walls were pale yellow, and the trim was white. There were murals of nursery rhyme characters painted on the walls. The baby furniture that they had picked out was all placed in the room. Derek had gotten matching curtains and bedding for the crib. In the corner was a rocking chair. Meredith's eyed welled up. He had put so much work into it. It was perfect.

Meredith: Oh my God, Derek. It's perfect. Who did it?

Derek: I did. Well, not all me. I picked out the colors, and painted the walls and trim. My mom came in for two days, and painted the murals. I went to the baby store and bought the bedding. Do you like it? Is is okay that I did it without you?

Meredith: It's wonderful, Derek. You are the most amazing man in the world. I can't believe you did all this! How?

Derek: When you were at the hospital all those nights, I was lonely. I stayed up late and painted. I never thought I would be able to pull it off.

Meredith: Your mom--

Derek: She had to go home. Nancy and David were going on their second honeymoon and she had to watch the kids.

Meredith: I think I love you more than anything, and then you do something like this, and you make me love you even more. I don't deserve you, Derek Shepherd.

Derek: It is I, who doesn't deserve you, Meredith Shepherd.


	92. Chapter 92

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith thought that meeting her Mom for lunch was a good idea. She thought so, until the day came to do it. She slowly put on a nice pair of jeans and a top, hoping her mom would call. Just maybe, she would call and cancel. It didn't happen. She begrudgingly climbed into her Jeep. It had gotten uncomfortable for her to drive the Mercedes. The way the seat sat, it made her back hurt. _I should not be this damn big yet._ She thought to herself. When she arrived at the restaurant, Ellis was already seated, and sipping her tea.

Meredith: Hi, Mom.

Ellis: Hello dear. My, you are looking pregnant.

Meredith: Oh, thanks. As if I don't feel bad enough as it is.

Ellis: I don't mean it that way. You look beautiful. They say pregnant women glow, but my God. (Meredith sits and looks at the menu.) So, what's good here?

Meredith: The club sandwich is really good.

Ellis: Well, maybe I'll have that. (The waitress comes and takes their order.)

Meredith: So has Richard decided who he is going to appoint Chief?

Ellis: Actually, he has changed his mind.

Meredith: What? I thought you two were going to spend your lives together. Retire.

Ellis: You are having our grandchild. I am going to slow down, but Richard he's going to remain Chief. He enjoys it too much. I can't take that away from him.

Meredith: That's good. If that's what you guys want. I'm happy for you.

Ellis: So, tell me. (Her voice got low and compassionate.)

Meredith: Tell you what? (She knew what. But know she didn't want to talk about t.)

Ellis: About the baby. I know it hurts to talk about it, but Mer, I want to know.

Meredith: (Meredith sighs and looks down at the table, knowing of she made eye contact, she would lose it.) Her name was Annabella. John called her Bella. He was so happy, so eager to be a Dad. Just like Derek.

Ellis: Why did it happened?

Meredith: We don't know. The pregnancy was normal. I went in for my ultrasound towards the end of the pregnancy, and there was no heartbeat. She was gone.

Ellis: Oh dear.

Meredith: The look on John's face. I can still see it today. It killed him. A part of him was never the same. She and John are buried next to each other, in Boston.

Ellis: I wish I were different. I wish I could have been there. If I had been a better mother to you.

Meredith: It's in the past, Mom. I just want to move forward. I am letting go of the past. I have to, or I won't make it through it all.

Ellis: I am so proud of you. You are a strong woman, like me. But you are compassionate. You are full of love. I wish I were.

Meredith: You are Mom. You just have to let it happen. You love Richard.

Ellis: I do. I love him, and I love you. (She takes a bite of her sandwich.) You were right, this club sandwich is good. This is nice. Having lunch with my daughter.

Meredith: It is, isn't it?

Ellis: Derek has been going around the hospital showing everyone that sonogram. I saw him showing it to a patient yesterday. He is so proud.

Meredith: I know. He really is. He decorated the nursery for me. You should stop by and see it. It's amazing.

Ellis: He is a great guy.

Meredith: Yeah, he is. (She looks at her watch.) Shoot, I have to go. My shift starts in a half an hour.

Ellis: Thanks for meeting me.

Meredith: I'm glad I did.

------------------------

Izzie: (She walks in on Meredith changing into her scrubs.) Hey, Mer. (Izzie bends down and rubs her abdomen.) Hey there, little man.

Meredith: If you weren't my close friend, I'd hit you. You know that, right?

Izzie: Even if you don't like it, the little guy does.

Meredith: Are you leaving?

Izzie: Yeah, my shift is over.

Meredith: Do you have Sunday off?

Izzie: Yeah, why?

Meredith: I have the biggest favor to ask.

Izzie: Okay. Ask.

Meredith: I have been having cravings. Crazy never ending cravings. I need you to bake for me.

Izzie: On my day off?

Meredith: Well, yeah. You're Betty-freaking-Crocker. It's your passion, or whatever.

Izzie: Fine, fine. But you need to go to the store, get the stuff. I'll make what you want, but I hate grocery shopping.

Meredith: Okay, whatever you want. How about eleven? Can you be there at eleven?

Izzie: Sure. (She bends down and talks to Meredith's stomach.) This is for you, little boy! (She looks back up at Meredith.) Have fun. Bailey's being a pain in the ass. (George walks in.)

George: How is my nephew?

Meredith: He is good. His mother is too, thanks for asking.

George: I was going to ask. Beware, Bailey is being nasty.

Meredith: So I've heard. See you guys later. (She walks into the hallway, and straight into Derek.) Hey.

Derek: So how is my beautiful wife?

Meredith: She is great. You are the first to ask. Compared to our son, I'm chopped liver.

Derek: Chopped liver, no. Chopped Steak, maybe.

Meredith: (Punches him in the arm.) Ass.

Derek: So, our bed, it's going to be cold tonight?

Meredith: Yep, you will have to keep it warm by yourself.

Derek: Nope, I'm staying here with you.

Meredith: Derek, you don't have to.

Derek: I want to.

Meredith: Okay. I won't argue. (Miranda Bailey storms up.)

Bailey: Shepherd, were you planning on working today?

Meredith: Yes, ma'am!

Bailey: Check on the patients in rooms, 4401, 4423, and 4416. I want post-op notes done. Oh and run these tests.

Meredith: Right away.

Derek: You be nice to my wife, Miranda. (He teased.)

Bailey: Here, she is not your wife. Here she is an intern. I own her.

Derek: Damn, everyone was right.

Bailey: About what?

Derek: They said you were in a mood.

Bailey: Is that right?

Derek: I have a patient... (He turns on his heel and high tails it out of her path.)

Bailey: I bet you do!

----------------------

Meredith opened the door to the on-call room. She knew Derek was in there. She made a quick check and saw that no one else was in the room. She turned around and quickly pushed the lock. She was tired, but she wasn't _that_ tired. Derek was sound asleep. She laid down on the bed next to him and snuggled her face into his neck.

Derek: Mmm. Good evening.

Meredith: Shhh. I don't need you awake, or alert. Well, I do need part of you alert.

Meredith covers his mouth with hers, both of their tongues exploring each other's mouths. His hands reach up her scrub top grabbing her sides, squeezing softly. Derek slides her scrub top up, and pulls it over her head. He leans up and she swiftly removes his shirt.

Derek: Oh God, Mer.

Meredith: Shhh. (She looks into his deep blue eyes and smiles.)

Meredith runs her tongue down his chest arriving at his abdomen. She slowly pulls on the strings on his scrub pants, pulling them off. She covers him with her mouth. She feels him begin to pulsate, as he moans her name. Feeling him on the brink, she travels back up to his mouth. He studies her face, realizing that she has never looked more beautiful to him. His hands softly remove her bra, revealing her slightly swollen breasts. His mouth covers her breast, gently sucking and nipping, causing her to moan in ecstasy. He moves up and kisses her neck, as he pulls down her pants and rolls her over on her back, his mouth finding it's intended spot. She cries out as he pushes her towards the edge. He gently pulls her legs apart, pushing her knees up, and enters her slowly. He begins to thrust gently at first, increasing his speed. She cries his name out, as he begins to climax. He feels her tighten around him, and her moist heat surrounds him. She screams out at she reaches the edge. Derek feels himself burst inside of her, crying out her name. They both roll over, panting.

Derek: I have to say, I like you being pregnant.

Meredith: Me too. That was...great. (She catches her breath.) Oh!

Derek: What? (She grabs his hand, and places it on her stomach.)

Meredith: He's kicking.

Derek: Wow. (He keeps his hand on his stomach, and they lay there in silence.) I think we woke him up. (She giggles.)

Meredith: Somehow that just seems wrong.

Derek: We have sex. It's normal. It's safe, it's okay.

Meredith: Well, I guess you are right... Ao, do want to do it again?

Derek: Seriously...yeah.

-------------------------

Meredith went right to the grocery store bright and early on Sunday morning. She had no idea what to get. She grabbed her cart and grabbed several of everything in the baking aisle. She had visions of muffins and cookies, brownies and cakes. Two hundred dollars and several bags later, she was on her way home. Derek swiftly helped her carry the bags in from the garage. She had left before he had gotten up. She didn't want t wake him, he had worked so hard all week.

Derek: What is all of this?

Meredith: Izzie is coming over to bake in an hour.

Derek: Bake?

Meredith: I want some baked stuff. Ya know, baked goods, or whatever.

Derek: So Izzie has offered to come on her day off and bake?

Meredith: Yes. I think Cristina is coming too.

Derek: So, your only day off, and I have to share you with Stevens and Yang.

Meredith: Pretty much. I'm sure we could sneak away for a very little while. If we _had_ to.

Derek: I'm sure we'll have to.

Meredith: I bet we will. We could sneak right now.

Derek: Could we really?

Meredith: I think we could...

---------------------

Derek: Was the the door? (Derek's head shoots up.)

Meredith: Crap. I think is was.

Derek: But--

Meredith: Who is it? (She yelled out.)

Cristina: Me.

Meredith: You are a pain in the ass! I'll be out in a minute.

Derek: A few minutes. Several minutes even.

Cristina: Are you guys-- Oh God. Okay, I'll just be sitting here, with my ears covered and my face buried. (The come out of the bedroom about twenty minutes later.)

Derek: Hello Yang.

Cristina: I swear...

Meredith: It's my fault. It's the hormones. (She looks out the kitchen window.) Oh, it looks like Izzie's here.

Cristina: Let the bake-fest begin.

Derek: And I thought we would be spending the day in bed.

Cristina: I bet you did... (Meredith meets Izzie at the door.)

Izzie: Hey.

Meredith: Hey, Iz. Thanks for coming.

Izzie: No problem. So where's the stuff?

Meredith: Right there.

Izzie: All these bags?

Meredith: Yep.

Izzie: Holy crap! Well then, let's get started. What first? Cookies, a cake, brownies?

Meredith: Chocolate cookies, with chocolate chips.

Izzie: Okay... (Izzie went right to mixing and baking. Everyone sat waiting for the first batch to come out of the oven.)

Meredith: Oh wow. This is great. (She said, shoveling marshmallow cream into her mouth.)

Cristina: God, Mer. Have some decency.

Meredith: This shit is good! It's even better with theses chocolate chips mixed in. (She starts pouring the bag in the jar.)

Izzie: Cookies are done! (Meredith grabs a cookie up.)

Meredith: Oh, yum. Crap! They're hot. (She took a big bite of the cookie.)

Cristina: They usually are, when they come out of the oven!

Meredith: Shut up!

Meredith ate tons of baking ingredients, cookies, muffins, and a piece of cake. After about an hour, it hit her like a ton of bricks. She quickly walked over to the sofa and curled up into a ball.

Derek: What's wrong? (He motions to Meredith.)

Izzie: She ate a piece of cake, twelve cookies, two muffins, a jar of marshmallow cream, and a half a bag of chocolate chips.

Derek: Holy shit!

Cristina: She had me make her a shake, too.

Derek: She is going to be in a diabetic coma! (He rushes over to her side.) Mer, are you okay?

Meredith: No... (She moans.)

Derek: Why did you--

Meredith: It was so good. (He rubs her back.) It's the baby. He made me!

Derek: I suppose he made you eat that whole cheesecake too.

Meredith: Shut up!

Izzie: Look at him. He's so great. Look at how compassionate he is.

Cristina: Yeah, if you like that kind of guy...

Izzie: Deep down, you know you do.

Cristina: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Well since piglet over there has made herself sick. I guess I'm going to go.

Izzie: Me too when I finish these dishes.

Cristina: See you guys later!

Meredith: Bye... (She says weakly.)

Derek: Bye. I can do those, Izzie.

Izzie: No, it's okay. You take care of Mer. (She does the dishes and puts her coat on. Derek follows her to the door.) Thank you.

Derek: No, thank you.

Izzie: No. Thank you for taking care of her. I worried about her, before, when everything happened. She was on a collision course. You saved her. She is happy. So, thanks.

Derek: Izzie-

Izzie: See you at the hospital.

Derek: Yeah.

-----------------

**Okay, we are winding down here, and it's so sad... Please do suggest baby names. I can't promise I will pick them, but I would love to hear your ideas. I'm not even sure what Der's middle name is at this point!**


	93. Chapter 93

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith's pregnancy has been going along normally. The checks with Addison had been going well, and everything seemed to be right within regular parameters. Derek had really gotten down on her about coming home every night. Richard and Ellis had also joined the army with Derek. Everyone told her she had to stop pushing herself so hard. Meredith awoke with a large gasp.

Derek: (Jerks awake.) Mer-- Are you okay?

Meredith: Your son can kick. Damn-it. He takes my breath away.

Derek: I'm sorry.

Meredith: It's not your fault. (She gets up.)

Derek: Where are you going?

Meredith: To pee. Then to get a glass of water, so I can pee again.

Derek: You only have a month and a half left.

Meredith: It feels like an eternity. Not to mention, I can't see my feet anymore. I hope they don't fall off from gangrene, because I wouldn't know.

Derek: Oh, Mer.

Meredith: Go back to sleep, you have a full schedule tomorrow. (She grabs herself a drink and walks outside to look out at the water. Her body wanted to walk when she felt like this. It also seemed that the baby was quieter when she was moving. After an hour she laid back down. She awoke again at one in the morning.) Derek! Der- wake up!

Derek: What's wrong?

Meredith: I need fries.

Derek: French fries? Are you kidding me?

Meredith: No, I really need them. Your baby needs them...

Derek: It will go away. (She grabs her pillow and smacks him in the face.) Ow! What did you do that for?

Meredith: I need fries. _You _did this to me! (He closes his eyes and pretends to snore.) Fine! I will be back in a while.

Derek: I'm going... (He gets up and throws a pair of pants on.) McDonald's here I come...

Meredith: No, no. I don't want fast food. I want fries from that diner. The one with the good seasoned fries.

Derek: I am going to hurt you. (A smile creeps up on his face, and he shakes his head.) I'll be back.

Meredith: Thank you!

Derek climbed in his car and moaned as he made it down the driveway. This was not the first time. Last week he had to go get fudge at the late night bakery. The week before that, she wanted chocolate dipped bananas. He drove to the diner she speaking of. They did have the best fries in the area. Everyone went there if they wanted good, seasoned fries. He wanted to cry when he saw the 'Sorry, We're Closed' sign in the window. He slammed his hands on the steering wheel. He noticed there was an apartment above the diner. It was a long shot, but he wasn't going home empty handed, even if he had to break in and make the damn things himself. The police would understand the minute they spoke to Meredith. Derek walked up the the door in the back of the building, pounding loudly. He saw a light come on, and then a figure walked down.

Man: Can I help you? (He looks at his watch.) At Two am?

Derek: Do you know how I can get ahold of the cook or owner of this diner?

Man: You're talking to him.

Derek: (Sighs.) Oh Thank God! I need fries.

Man: You came here and woke me up at two in the morning because you want fries?

Derek: Yes.

Man: Come back at six. We serve breakfast. I can make you fries then.

Derek: No! Please. (He whined in a last attempt.) It's my wife. She's pregnant. She wants your fries. And to be honest, I am scared to go home without them. She is tiny, but she just may hurt me. I really don't think you want to see the man who begged you for fries, on the news because his wife beat him to death.

Man: I sympathize with you, I really do, but it's two am!

Derek: How much?

Man: What?

Derek: How much do you want to do it? I will pay you whatever you want.

Man: Okay, two hundred bucks.

Derek: Sold!

Man: You must really be afraid of your wife!

Derek: I've learned you do not mess with a pregnant woman.

Man: Let me get my keys. (The man begins making the fries.) How many?

Derek: Two large orders.

Man: Coming right up. (The man finishes them and walks to the register.) That'll be Two-hundred five dollars and seventy five cents.

Derek: You're kidding me?

Man: I said two hundred dollars to make them. That doesn't cover the cost of the product.

Derek: (Growls.) Here, keep the change.

Man: Thanks.

Derek: No, thank you.

Derek drove home laughing to himself. Never had anyone paid over two hundred dollars for fries, he was sure of it. He was a desperate man. To him, it was worth it. He pulled into the garage and made his way to the bedroom. There she was, asleep. "At least someone in this house is getting sleep." He muttered to himself. No way was he going to let this happen.

Derek: Mer. Your fries are here.

Meredith: What fries?

Derek: You are kidding, right?

Meredith: Yes. (She greedily grabs the bag and begins munching.) Mmm, they are good! Thank you.

Derek: No problem. He lays down. Goodnight.

Meredith: You know what would be good?

Derek: What? (He cries.)

Meredith: A strawberry shake.

Derek: Please, dear God, tell me you are kidding.

Meredith: I guess _I don't really_ need one. (She moaned.)

Derek: Fine. Anywhere special?

Meredith: Hmm. No. Wait. Oh, that one place, on Key Street!

Derek: That's nice and far away... Fine. But just so you know, you are sending me closer to my grave.

Derek had absolutely no intentions of going to the sundae shop. He hurried to the kitchen and grabbed the strawberry ice cream, milk, the blender, a glass and his cell phone. He jumped in Meredith's Jeep, threw the seat back, set his cellphone alarm and closed his eyes. He was getting some sleep tonight. After an hour, the alarm went off. He jumped out of the jeep, and started making her shake. He trotted to their room, with the shake in his hand.

Meredith: I didn't hear you leave.

Derek: I'm quiet, what can I say? Here you go. They didn't have a to-go cup.

Meredith: Mmm. It's good, but they forgot the real strawberry pieces. It's a little over mixed, but thank you! (She slurped up the rest of the shake, and laid right down.) Goodnight.

Derek: Goodnight.

------------------------

Derek heard the alarm blaring. His head was covered by his pillow. He wanted to pick it up and launch it at the wall. He rolled over to see Meredith slowly opening her eyes. She reaches over and presses the off button.

Meredith: Der- It's already time to get up.

Derek: Already? Imagine that. You should be feeling well rested.

Meredith: What's that supposed to mean?

Derek: I don't know, maybe because you had me running all over Seattle last night.

Meredith: Well, sorr-y.

Derek: It's fine. You don't have to be in for another two hours, why don't you rest. You are growing our son inside of you. I'll reset the alarm.

Meredith: No, I'm ready to get up. (She rolls out of bed.) God, I shouldn't have to roll.

Derek: I think it is very hot.

Meredith: Funny. My wide ass, swollen ankles, hot. I think not.

Derek: Really, it is. I'm going to go take a shower. Want to join me?

Meredith: I though you'd never ask. (Meredith follows Derek into the shower.)

Derek: You have never looked sexier. (She pushes him against the wall.)

Meredith: You have whorish potential here. I think we've had sex everyday for the past month.

Derek: I can't help the fact that you're so hot. Besides, once the baby comes...

Meredith: I never said you had to show me reasoning. (He turns her around and kisses her neck. She slips on the wet floor and falls down.) Shit!

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine.

Derek: We aren't doing this. I'll take a shower when you're done.

Meredith: Why?

Derek: I'm not having you get hurt.

Meredith: So because I'm such a cow, we got no shower sex. People fall in the shower all of the time.

Derek: Not people who are seven and a half months pregnant. I just don't want to risk anything.

Meredith: I guess you're right. But, I can bathe with you in here. If you promise to show a little self control!

Derek: Me?

Meredith: You. You horny old man.

Derek: I love you.

Meredith: I love you too, Mer. (They wash up, and she gets out.) I'm going to go get dressed.

Derek: Okay.

Meredith had Derek's regular bowl of Muesli and toast sitting on the table when he came out. She had a bagel and cream cheese on her plate.

Derek: You need some protein. And some fruit. (He gets up and grabs her some orange juice.)

Meredith: Thank you, daddy. You act just like my Dad. Well at least how I imagine he would.

Derek: Oh, Mer.

Meredith: No, It's okay.

Derek: Something's missing...

Meredith: What?

Derek: Where's the newspaper?

Meredith: Yeah, I'm not going out there to get it.

Derek: Why?

Meredith: He was out there.

Derek: Who?

Meredith: That bastard squirrel. He has been there very morning this week. I open the door, and he stands up on his back legs and makes this chirpy growling noise at me.

Derek: You are kidding me, right?

Meredith: NO! You know about me and squirrels. I am not going out there! He attacked me. He came after me, I shut the door, and I heard him hit it. He wants to kill me.

Derek: Oh please. Come on... (He grabs her hand.) Let's go see this killer squirrel.

Meredith: No.

Derek: Oh come one. (He pulls her up, they open the front door, and there is the squirrel. He is sitting on the step.)

Meredith: Shit! See, I told you! (She jumps behind him.)

Derek: Look, he's harmless. (Derek gathers several papers up.) Mer- you're fine.

Meredith: You say that now. Just wait, you'll see, when you come home and all you find are the bones of you wife and unborn child!

Derek: Mer- I swear...(He begins laughing hysterically.) I promise you're okay.

Derek finished his breakfast and headed to the hospital. Meredith sat and ate her boiled egg that Derek insisted she eat. She decided to clean the house up a little before she left.

Derek arrived at the hospital looking rather disheveled. He felt horrible. He was so tired he could barely move. Every time he turned around he was yawning and closing his eyes. Mark did a double take when he walked in the elevator.

Mark: You look like shit.

Derek: I feel like a pile of week old steaming shit. Can I stay with you tonight?

Mark: Did you and Firecracker get in a fight?

Derek: I wish. I just want some damn sleep. She had me go to the diner with the good french fries last night. I had to wake the owner up. It cost me over two-hundred dollars for two orders of fries. Then, she insisted I go to the sundae shop on Key Street for a freaking milkshake. I didn't go. I think it was the first time I really lied to her. I made it myself and slept in the car for an hour.

Mark: You lied and said you went? Oh, man, that was low!

Derek: I was tired. I can't keep up.

Mark: How did you get the to-go cup?

Derek: I used one of our glasses.

Mark: And you think she won't figure that out? (He laughs.)

Derek: It was three am, my brain was not working.

Mark: You kind of deserve it, you are part of the reason she is having these cravings.

Derek: That may be, I guess. Oh shit! I forgot the paperwork for Richard. (He pulls out his cellphone, calling Meredith.) Hey Mer, did you leave yet?

Meredith: I am going down the driveway now.

Derek: Can you go back and grab the paperwork I left on the counter?

Meredith: I supposed. So, do you mind explaining to me why I have drool on my seat in my car?

Derek: What?

Meredith: I'm not stupid. I can read you like a book, Derek. All you had to do was say no. I would have understood.

Derek: I didn't want to have to say no. I was afraid from my life.

Meredith: You are pathetic! (She gasps.)

Derek: Mer- (His voice full of alarm.) Meredith? What's wrong?

Meredith: He's back. Oh my God. (She cries.) Oh my God!

Derek: Who's back?

Meredith: Help me. (She starts breathing rapidly.) I--I can't breath.

Derek: Meredith, what is going on?

Meredith: It's him. The squirrel, he's on my foot. (She whispers, in a panic.)

Derek: You're sure?

Meredith: I'm not stupid Derek. I can't see my feet, but I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I think he's laying there. On my foot!

Derek: Meredith, you have to breath.

Meredith: I--I--I can't. I told you! I'm going to die.

Derek: (Covers the phone, and talks to the nurse.) I need you to postpone my surgery. Mer- I'm on my way.

Meredith: Oh, Derek.

Derek: Don't move. Just stand still.

Meredith: I'm not ready to die. We're happy. Now, he's going to eat me alive.

Derek: No, he won't.

Meredith: He's going to bite me, and give me rabies. I can't have the shot. I'm pregnant. We will both die. I love you, Derek. I'm sorry I didn't meet you sooner.

Derek: (Derek almost wants to laugh at the fact that she sounds so pathetic.) Is he making any sounds?

Meredith: No. He's just laying on my feet. Oh my God, he just rolled. He's going to eat my toes. Promise me that when I'm gone, you won't move on. I know people want their lovers to move on, but I don't. I swear, if Mark takes you to a strip club after I'm gone and you fall in love with some bimbo, with big boobs named Bambi, I will haunt you all!

Derek: Meredith, you are too much. I promise I will never fall in love again. After you're dead. (He laughs.)

Meredith: It's not funny! (The line goes silent.) Derek? Derek! (Her phone rings.) What happened?

Derek: The call was dropped. I'm pulling in the driveway now. (He comes flying up the driveway. He throws the car in park, and jumps out, running up.) No shit! (He doubles over and starts laughing hysterically.)

Meredith: I'm going to die, and all you can do is laugh? Help me, you bastard!

Derek: I--I--Oh---This is too---too much.

Meredith: Stop it!

Derek: Meredith, bend over.

Meredith: So it can eat my face? Or sodomize me?

Derek: (He quits laughing.) Seriously.

Meredith: (She bends down.) Oh my God. (She covers her face.) It's a kitten. I was freaking out over a kitten!

Derek: I can not believe this. I postponed a surgery for a little, fuzzy, kitten.

Meredith: You will not say anything to anyone! Understand?

Derek: Yes.

Meredith: (Walks over.) Here's your paperwork. Oh, and for the record, it _was not_ a kitten that was tormenting me all those days.

Derek: Sure...

Meredith scrubbed in with Dr. Burke on a heart repair. She was happy to get to scrub in on something. Cristina got stuck in the pit, and she made it a point to let Meredith know she wasn't happy about it. After the two-hour surgery, and getting the patient to recovery, she headed down to get some lunch. She got a salad, a roast beef sandwich and an orange. When she was in line, she felt a ping in her abdomen. She had been feeling Braxton Hick contractions for a few days, so she was getting pretty used to it. She made her way the her friend's table. The minute she walked up, they started laughing.

Meredith: What?

Izzie: Nothing. Oh, I'll take the squirrel. (They all start to laugh.)

Meredith: (Acting naive.) What squirrel?

Cristina: Oh come on, McDreamy told us about your killer squirrel.

Meredith: That jerk. (They all look over to the table where he is sitting with Dr. Webber and Mark.) Derek Anthony Shepherd! I am going to kill you! (His head shoots up.) He said he wouldn't say anything.

Alex: I think it's hilarious.

Meredith: What that I can't see my feet? Ha, ha, so funny! (Grabs her stomach.) These damn Braxton Hicks contractions.

George: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine!

Cristina: And bitchy.

Meredith: Hey! My feet are swollen, I have to pee every five minutes, my back aches, I have gas, and I will be shoving Derek's demon seed out of my vagina in just over a month. So shut the hell up! (Derek walks up.)

Derek: How are we?

Alex: Dude, just walk away.

Izzie: Seriously.

Meredith: How are we? I feel like crap, Derek! You have ruined me. You implanted me with this monster child.

Derek: Oh and you didn't enjoy that implantation? (She throws her salad at his face. He stands there with lettuce, all over him.) Well, at least she didn't put the dressing on yet!

Meredith: I think I'll do that right now! (Meredith tries to open the packet.)

Derek: I'm going to walk away...

Alex: I think I'd run if I were you!

Derek: I love you, Dear! (He yells as he high-tails it out of the cafeteria.)

Izzie: You really should be nicer to him. He is good to you.

Meredith: Are you seriously taking his side?

Izzie: Uh, no.

Meredith: That's what I thought!

-----------------

**Okay, so tomorrow should be the final chapter. I won't post until tomorrow evening, if I get it done. I will try like hell. I am still waiting for baby names! **


	94. Chapter 94

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GREY'S ANATOMY, I wish I did.**

Meredith's due date was a week away. She was miserable, but she wasn't going to let anyone know. Addison talked to her about staying home, and resting. The talk was absolutely fruitless. She knew that Meredith would be climbing walls at home. At least at the hospital, everyone could keep track of her, and make sure she wasn't pushing herself too hard. The baby had taken to beating the hell out of her whenever he could. It seemed that he was always beating her in the ribs. She had also been having contractions. They were not Braxton Hicks and she knew it. She didn't want to tell Derek, she knew he would flip out. She laid in bed, with her eyes wide open, Derek at her side, sleeping peacefully. She climbed out of bed and started a bath. She needed to do something. As she laid in the warm water, he seemed to kick more than ever. She closed her eyes, hoping to get some form of rest. After a while she climbed out and decided to walk around for a while, finally finding herself sitting in the rocking chair on the porch. The August heat was really bad, even though everywhere she went was air conditioned, the outside air was killing her. It seemed that no air conditioning was cold enough. No matter what she did, she just couldn't get comfortable. Her body was just tired of being pregnant. Lynn walked out on the porch.

Lynn: I was like this with Derek. The girls, they were so good, but Derek, he killed me.

Meredith: I just can't get comfortable. I'm just-

Lynn: Uncomfortable. I know the feeling. Would you like to take a walk? Sometimes that helps.

Meredith: Yeah, maybe that would help.

They walked around the property for an hour. It was so quiet and peaceful at night. Derek would kill Meredith if he knew that she was walking out in the dark. Having Lynn with her made it a little safer. They finally reach the water, looking out at the stars and moon reflecting off of it's smooth surface.

Meredith: It's so beautiful.

Lynn: Yes, it is. I can see why Derek wanted it. Just imagine, if he hadn't met you, he'd still be living in that damn trailer.

Meredith: The trailer was nice. It was cozy. I sometimes miss it.

Lynn: I don't know how...

Meredith: I guess it's an acquired taste. Oh, he finally stopped. Thank God.

Lynn: Why don't we go back to the house, maybe you can get some rest.

Meredith: Sounds like a good idea. (They head back to the house. Meredith went to her bed and finally falls asleep.)

----------------------

Meredith: Damn-it! (She slams the alarm button.)

Derek: Are you okay? (He rolls over and kisses her.)

Meredith: It's four-thirty in the morning, and I'm nine months pregnant. What do you think?

Derek: I'm sorry I asked.

Meredith: What time do you have to be in? (She says, rolling into a sitting position.)

Derek: I have surgery at seven-thirty.

Meredith: It must be nice.

Derek: Must I remind you that Addison and I begged you to stay home, and you refused.

Meredith: Yeah, yeah. I know. (She gets up, waddling to the bathroom.) See you at the hospital.

Derek: No, I'm taking you.

Meredith: So you can sit there for two hours? No, that's foolish.

Derek: It's not safe for you to drive.

Meredith: Because I'm pregnant?

Derek: Because your stomach rubs against the steering wheel and you can't turn it. I will take you.

Meredith: Fine.

Meredith and Derek both sit and eat breakfast. Lynn comes walking out.

Lynn: I don't know why I'm here.

Derek: To help Meredith.

Lynn: She is a fool. (She turns to Meredith.) You are a fool! You should be resting. Instead you're heading to the hospital to stand on your feet for fifteen hours.

Meredith: I can't help. The hospital needs me.

Lynn: The hospital doesn't need you, you need it!

Derek: You hit the nail on the head there.

Meredith: What surgery do you have today?

Derek: I have a craniotomy at seven-thirty. Then, I have a Inter-body Fusion for Spondylolisthesis at two.

Meredith: Seriously? (She turns to Lynn.) He is taking out part of a spine, and replacing it with a metal cage! (Turns to Derek.) I want in on that!

Derek: Absolutely not. You are not to be in any operating rooms. SCUT for you.

Meredith: Right now, I hate you!

Derek: I know. Let's go, or you will be late for rounds. (Meredith slipped on her crocs. They were the only shoes that were comfortable. Not to mention she couldn't bend down to tie her shoes to save her life.)

--------------------

Meredith pulled her tightly fitting scrubs over her large stomach. Getting dressed was now a chore for her. She looked around the room at everyone else. They weren't looking like they were going to pop. They were going on in their daily lives, like normal people. She was still mad at Derek for not letting her in on his surgery. She wasn't done yet. She was going to get him to let her scrub in. She was going to drive him crazy if she had to. Cristina came in and started changing.

Cristina: You look miserable.

Meredith: I am. Not to mention, Derek is doing an Inter-body Fusion today. He won't let me in, and I hate him.

Cristina: I want in on that!

Meredith: You're a bitch! You're Miss Cardio, remember?

Cristina: You're right...

Meredith: Hey, you get the surgery, then I will scrub in instead.

Cristina: Oh, and that won't piss Bailey off.

Meredith: Please? I'm desperate here!

Cristina: Okay. But there is no guarantee that I will even get to scrub in.

Meredith: You will, don't worry. (She smiles, then winces.)

Cristina: Are you okay?

Meredith: (Puts her finger up for a minute.) Ahh, it was a contraction.

Cristina: You're having contractions?

Meredith: Shhh! Yes.

Cristina: How often?

Meredith: About every twenty minutes.

Cristina: How long are they lasting?

Meredith: I don't know, twenty maybe thirty seconds.

Cristina: You need to find Addison.

Meredith: I'm fine. I have a long time.

Cristina: Whatever.

Meredith: Hey, Bailey won't be here for a half an hour, can you run a doppler for me?

Cristina: Yeah, whatever. (They head down to the pit and Cristina does an ultrasound.) There's the heartbeat.

Meredith: Good.

----------------------

Bailey: Shepherd, you are a damn fool. You should be a home. Obviously SCUT for you. Stevens-Montgomery-Sloan, Karev-Burke, O'Malley-Pit and Yang, you're with me.

Meredith went right to chart duty and running labs. She was getting pretty tired. She wanted to take a break, but she wasn't missing out on the surgery. She was loitering by the operating room. She was going right to Derek when he came out. Miranda wasn't bothering Meredith. She knew she was tired, and she shouldn't even be working. They were all humoring her, she was basically being baby-sat. She sighed as she sat down in the chair at the nurses station. She laid her head back just starting to doze off when another contraction came along. She sat there stone still, breathing slowly through her nose. Just then she heard Derek's familiar voice, he was talking to Chief Webber. She quickly walked over to him.

Derek: How are you today?

Meredith: Hello, Richard. (Meredith was still breathing through her contraction.) I'm good, great even.

Richard: Are you sure?

Meredith: I would be even better if I could scrub in on a inter-body fusion.

Derek: No.

Meredith: Please Derek. Must I remind you that I will be pushing your large child out of me very soon? I will not get to be in the OR for a long time.

Richard: How are you feeling? Any signs of labor?

Meredith: Umm, no. Not at all.

Richard: Shep, let her already. If she says she's okay. She knows her body.

Derek: Chief! (Meredith smiles.) Fine, but this is it. You will take the rest of the week off until you have the baby. This is you last surgery.

Richard: That sounds fair.

Meredith: Fine.

Derek: Go prep our patient.

Meredith: Thank you.

---------------------

Cristina was shocked that Derek was letting her in on the surgery. Meredith happily walked to the scrub room. She put soap on her hands and began scrubbing her hands and fingernails. Derek walked in and just shook her head.

Meredith: What?

Derek: You are ridiculous!

Meredith: Why?

Derek: You are about to give birth and here you are scrubbing in on a surgery. You totally played Richard and I.

Meredith: That's what girls do.

Derek: Let's do this. (They walk in to the operating room.) It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun! (He starts to cut the patient open.) Dr. Shepherd, would you like to retract.

Meredith: Of course, Sir. (Their eyes connect and they both smile under their scrub masks. She had to lean in because of her large stomach, which was making her back hurt.)

Derek: Dr. Shepherd, can you tell me what at lumbar fusion accomplishes?

Meredith: It reduces the movement in an abnormal motion segment.

Derek: Why are we doing a posterior approach?

Meredith: (Sucks air in as another contractions comes along.) You can only do an anterior approach if it is a grade two or lower. We have a grade five here.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith: I'm fine. (She pushes out.)

Derek: (Looks at her unconvinced.) What will this surgery entail?

Meredith: Radical removal of the discs between the vertebral body at one or more segments. The spondylolisthesis is reduced, and the vertebrae are then fused in the correct position. This is done by inserting titanium cages filled with bone, into the space between the vertebrae. The bone grows together with the vertebra and, consequently, stabilizes the area. As a result, one of the initial causes of back and leg pain is eliminated.

Derek: Very good. (He continues working on the patient.)

--------------------

In the meantime, Cristina, Izzie and Alex are all in the gallery watching the surgery. It isn't done very often, so unless they were needed, they were allowed to observe.

Izzie: I can't believe she got in on that surgery.

Alex: Did you actually think he was going to turn her down?

Izzie: I wanted this case.

Cristina: So did I. She should not be in there. It looks like her contractions are getting closer.

Izzie: What! She's having contractions. Like, real contractions?

Cristina: Yeah.

Alex: She is nuts. Her water hasn't broken yet, has it?

Cristina: No. But she did lose her mucus plug a few days ago.

Izzie: Does McDreamy know?

Cristina: Do you really think she would be in there if he did? (Bailey walks in.)

Bailey: What the-- Is that Shepherd?

Izzie: Uh huh.

Bailey: That girl, I swear. How the hell did she pull this off?

Alex: And she's having contractions.

Bailey: She WHAT?

Cristina: Nice going, Evil Spawn. You weren't supposed to say anything!

Alex: You didn't sat not to.

Bailey: I am pulling her out.

Cristina: Dr. Bailey, she's okay. Besides, we're right here.

Bailey: I am going to hurt her when she gets out of that damn OR. The surgery should be over in an hour. She is damn lucky.

-----------------------

Derek: Dr. Shepherd? Are you okay?

Meredith: Uh...huh. (Just then, everyone heard a big gush of water.)

Derek: What was that? (Meredith shrugs.)

Anesthesiologist: I think a pipe burst.

Nurse: It sounded like it was in the scrub room.

Scrub Nurse: (She looks down at the pool of amniotic fluid around Meredith's feet.) I think it was your wife.

Derek: WHAT! Meredith--

Meredith: I'm fine. I'm retracting.

Derek: God damn-it. You are not fine! I knew you shouldn't have scrubbed in. You're leaking amniotic fluid all over my OR. Oh my God! You're having our baby. Oh my God! Our baby is on it's way! I'm going to be a dad! (He starts freaking out.) I need to--

Meredith: Derek, calm down. I am fine. Focus on your patient.

Bailey: Dr. Shepherd!

Derek: Yes?

Bailey: Not you! That damn fool of an intern. Get your ass out. Karev is taking your place. You are going to OB.

Meredith: But--I'm okay.

Bailey: NOW! (Alex comes in and takes her place. Bailey makes her sit in a wheel chair and pushes her up to the floor.)

Derek: I--I--

Bailey: She'll be fine. She will still be in labor when you get done.

Derek: Okay. (They leave.) I'm going to be a dad!

-----------------

**Okay, I lied. This ended up being a lot longer than I had planned so, the next chapter should be the last one. I still need baby names!!**


	95. Chapter 95

Addison: Meredith. I didn't expect to see you today.

Bailey: This stupid girl was in surgery. (She shakes her head. Meredith moves to a bed.) I swear, if you weren't delivering my boss' child!

Addison: So let's take a look. How long have you been having contractions?

Meredith: The last few days. I lost my mucus plug a few days ago.

Addison: How far apart are they?

Meredith: About twelve minutes.

Addison: (Checks Meredith's cervix.) You are dilated about four centimeters. We have a while to go here.

Meredith: Can you--

Addison: I was just getting ready to. (She smears jelly on Meredith's abdomen. She runs the doppler over her.) He looks good, Mer.

Meredith: (Sighs relief.) Thank God. Oh... (Miranda grabs her hand.)

Bailey: Just breathe, Meredith. Just breathe.

Meredith: (Starts to sweat.) Where is Derek?

Addison: He's still in surgery, Honey. He will be here in time. Everything looks good, I'm going to go check on a patient.

Meredith: (Her face grows concerned.) Uh...

Addison: You're okay, I promise.

Meredith: Okay. (Addison leaves. Dr. Bailey hold her hand while she breathes through several sets of contractions. Meredith starts to cry.)

Bailey: Meredith, you're okay.

Meredith: What if he's not okay? I can't lose him. I can't lose another baby.

Bailey: Oh, Meredith. Here, we'll do another ultrasound, okay?

Meredith: Okay. (Bailey does another ultrasound. Addison walks in, and nods, knowing that Bailey is just trying to comfort her.)

Addison: How is it going?

Meredith: Okay.

Addison: Let's check you again. You're still at four.

Meredith: My mom.

Bailey: I will tell her. (Cristina comes in.) Yang, you take over.

Cristina: I-uh-okay. Mer, Derek is closing the patient now.

Meredith: Good. Oh shit. (She starts breathing deeply.)

Cristina: Does it hurt?

Meredith: Seriously?

Cristina: Yeah, that was pretty stupid to ask.

Meredith: I'm scared.

Cristina: I know you are.

Meredith: It needs to be okay. I haven't felt him move.

Cristina: He's okay. (She rubs her shoulder.) I am so glad this is you and not me. I could never throw my career away.

Meredith: I'm not throwing my career away! I am not. I'm having a baby. I'm just having a baby. Everything will stay the same.

Cristina: (Noticing Meredith's increased anxiety.) You're right, it will.

Meredith: Now you are patronizing me. Where's Derek?

Cristina: I will go see. (She leaves Meredith alone in the room. She gets down the the hall and meets Derek.)

Derek: Where is she?

Cristina: Down there. I can't deal with it.

Derek: What?

Cristina: She's freaking out.

Derek: So you walk away from her? Who's with her?

Cristina: No one.

Derek: Damn-it Yang. (He jogs down the room, and seeing Meredith breathing through a contraction. He has the McDreamy scrub cap on that she got him for his birthday.) Mer.

Meredith: Oh, good. I was worried you weren't coming. You're wearing it!

Derek: (He sits down next to her and holds her hand.) I always show up. Always. Yeah, I've been saving it for a day like this. This way he will know who his daddy is. So how is our little guy?

Meredith: I don't know. Addison left, and I, I don't know. I'm freaking out here.

Derek: (He rubs her cheek.) I love you. It will be okay, I promise. (Addison walks in.)

Addison: How are you? Nice scrub cap!

Meredith: Good, I guess.

Addison: Last I checked, she was four centimeters. I think it's going to be a while. Mer, you need to rest.

Derek: You're doing good, Meredith. (He grabs water.) You need to drink. (She takes a drink.)

Meredith: Your Mom...

Derek: I called her. She's coming. (Ellis comes in.)

Ellis: Meredith Evelyn! What on earth were you thinking?

Meredith: Mom...

Ellis: (Walks over to her side and puts her hand on her shoulder.) How are you?

Meredith: I am preparing to give birth. I'm tired. I was already tired all day. I couldn't sleep last night. The contractions were--

Derek: Contractions? You were having contractions yesterday?

Meredith: For the last few days.

Derek: You couldn't tell me?

Meredith: I didn't want you to freak out.

Derek: These are the things you need to tell me!

Meredith: I'm sorry, Derek.

Addison: I'm going to check her--

Ellis: I'll leave. I will be back, honey. (She walks out.)

Addison: Mer, you're only at five.

Meredith: Three hours and I'm only at five centimeters.

Derek: It looks like our boy is shy. He's not ready to meet the world.

Meredith: Derek, I'm so tired.

Derek: Lay back and close your eyes. You need to rest

Several hours went by and Meredith was getting more and more antsy. Derek was there by her side, holding her hand. Izzie and George stopped by to check on her. The minute they heard her yelling at Derek, they wheeled around and left the area. Cristina was avoiding Meredith at all costs.

Burke: So Meredith is in labor, huh?

Cristina: Yeah, and she's being 'Super Bitch".

Burke: I'm sure she's in pain.

Cristina: Yeah, but-

Burke: You should be there with her.

Cristina: She has Shepherd, and her mom, and every other person in this hospital.

Burke: Yeah, but you are her person.

Cristina: Did you have to say that? (She rubs her face.) Okay, I'm going.

--------------------

Derek walked with Meredith down the hallway. She was very uncomfortable. Addison said that it may help things. She was dilated to six centimeters, and getting closer.

Meredith: I don't like you very much right now.

Derek: I know you don't.

Meredith: Good! Ahh... Shit!

Derek: Breathe, just breathe.

Meredith: Do you think I don't know that by now! (Cristina walks up.)

Cristina: Why don't you get a drink, or go to the bathroom, Derek. I have her.

Derek: But- (He receives a sharp look from Cristina.) I'll be back, Mer.

Meredith: Thank you. He was driving me nuts. Always around, saying things, caring.

Cristina: I'm your person. I should be here.

Meredith: Let's go back to the room. My contractions are getting closer. (The pass by Ellis and Lynn, who are sitting in the hallway.)

Lynn: Are you okay, Dear?

Meredith: (Shakes her head.) No. I need this to stop.

Ellis: Meredith-

Meredith: Unless you want me to hurt you, please don't talk. (Cristina shakes her head behind Meredith, telling them to leave her alone.)

Addison: Let's check you out here. Ah, you're at eight. You're eighty percent.

Meredith: (Another contraction comes along. She grabs Cristina's hand, almost breaking.) Where the fuck is Derek? Damn him! Ahh. I hate him!

Cristina: Breathe Meredith. You're everything is okay.

Meredith: No, everything is not okay. I am pushing a fucking beast through my vagina. CRAP!

Addison: I know you want to, but don't push. You're not dilated enough yet.

Meredith: Someone get Derek. NOW! (Cristina runs out of the room.)

Cristina: (To Ellis.) Where is Derek?

Ellis: He hasn't come back yet.

Cristina: Damn-it. I've got to go find him.

Ellis: I'll go sit with her.

Cristina: Good luck! (Cristina finds Derek sitting with Richard, Mark and Burke.) Oh hell no! No way.

Richard: What?

Cristina: You left me in there with her.

Derek: I can't--

Cristina: Get your ass up, and get in there with your wife. This is your fault. NOW! Go! (Derek gets up and head to the room.)

Richard: How is she?

Cristina: Freaking crazy.

Mark: I can see her being like that. The girl had fire in her...

Cristina: She is yelling obscenities that I have never heard before.

---------------------

Meredith: Where have you been?

Derek: I--

Meredith: Ahh.

Addison: Okay, you can start pushing. (She bears down and begins pushing.)

Derek: Already?

Meredith: Already? What do you mean, already? It's about DAMN time!

Derek: Push, Mer. You're doing good. (He wipes her forehead with a cold washcloth.)

Addison: Okay, relax.

Derek: Good job, honey.

Meredith: I'm sorry for yelling. Ahh, shit! (She closes her eyes and lays her head back.) Never again, Derek. NEVER!

Addison: Okay, Meredith, push.

Meredith: (She pushes.) I hate you Derek. You and your stupid boy PENIS!

Addison: Relax. Stop pushing.

Derek: (Starts to laugh.) Mer-

Meredith: You think that's funny? Fuck you, Derek. (She grabs the magazine by her bedside, and start beating him with it.)

Derek: Ouch. Mer, stop. Stop!

Meredith: I can't do this. (She lays her head back.) I can't. He's some kind of beast.

Addison: Meredith, you need to really push this time. (She bears down.) Push again. (Derek looks.) One more time.

Derek: Oh, Mer, he's almost here.

Addison: Okay, last push. Make this one count! Good job. (She lifts the baby.) Welcome to the world, baby Shepherd!

Derek: Meredith, he is beautiful.

Meredith: Why isn't he crying? Oh my God, he's not. Derek! Our baby. (Just then, he wails.) Oh...

Addison: Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?

Derek: Yes. (He does, and Addison places the baby in Meredith's arms.)

Meredith: Oh my God, he's perfect! (She starts to bawl.) Derek, he looks just like you.

Derek: He has your nose.

Meredith: Welcome to the world, Liam.

Addison: Liam?

Derek: Liam Patrick. (Ellis and Lynn come in.)

Addison: Hello, there, Liam Patrick Shepherd.

Ellis: Meredith, he is beautiful. You did good.

Lynn: I'm so proud of you. (She looks at Liam.) Hello, baby.

Meredith rested for a while. After a few hours, the news had spread about baby Shepherd. People started coming by, checking him out. Derek sat by Meredith's side. She held Liam, stroking his head and staring at him. Derek just watched them. His perfect family. Izzie and George come in.

Izzie: Oh, Mer. He's perfect. Hey there baby.

George: Liam.

Izzie: Okay. Hey there, Liam!

Izzie: Congratulations, Derek.

George: Yes, congrats.

Derek: Thank you.

Izzie: We're going to leave. You look tired.

Meredith: You don't have to.

Izzie: Don't worry, little guy, we'll be seeing a lot of you! Bye. (They walk out.)

Meredith: Would you like to hold your son?

Derek: Of course. (Tears run down his cheeks.)

Meredith: Are you okay?

Derek: I never thought this would happen. I would have never guessed two years ago that I would meet the love of my life, and we would have a perfect child. You are undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much. I am so proud of you. Thank you, Meredith. Thank you for giving me this gift, our son.

Meredith: I'm sorry I yelled. I love you. And looking at him, and you, I want a whole flock of Shepherd's.

Derek: Really?

Meredith: Really. I was so worried. Worried he wouldn't make it. Worried that I wouldn't make it. Worried that you wouldn't be happy. Worried that I wouldn't be able to love him. Worried I wouldn't be able to work. But now, seeing him. I don't care. You and him, you're my life. You're my family. You're my everything. (Derek leans over an kisses her. Burke and Cristina come in.)

Preston: Congratulations, you two!

Derek: Thank you.

Preston: He's cute.

Meredith: Cristina, you're not saying anything.

Cristina: Oh, well, congratulations.

Meredith: Do you want to hold him?

Cristina: No, um--

Meredith: Hold him.

Cristina: Fine. (Derek hands her Liam.) Hi there, little boy. I'm you're Aunt Cristina. Yes, I am. I'm your mom's person. (She talks in baby talk. She looks up at a shocked Meredith, Derek and Preston.) What?

Meredith: You were talking baby talk!

Cristina: I was not! Here, take it! (She hands him off to Preston.)

Meredith: You know you love him. Go ahead, try to deny it!

Preston: If you are anything like your dad, we need to keep you away from the ladies! (They all laugh. They stay for a few minutes, and then hand him back to Meredith and leave. Richard comes in.)

Meredith: Did you come to see your grandson?

Richard: Grandson...I likethe sound of that. Oh, wow. He's good looking. Already at his young age.

Meredith: He's not even a day old yet! (Mark comes in.)

Mark: Hey there, Firecracker. I heard you were beating my best friend Derek.

Meredith: Yeah.

Mark: I'm sure he deserved it. (He looks up at him.) It fits you, Derek, being a father.

Derek: Thanks.

Mark: Just wanted to see my nephew, I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Richard: I'll go too. Goodnight.

Derek watched as Meredith slept. She had done so much for him. She held their baby inside of her, suffering through back pain, feet pain, nausea, and everything else. He was so proud of her. He loved her more this moment then ever before.

----------------------

A month had gone by. Baby Liam is doing great. Taking him home was a challenge. Derek had a hell of a time getting the car seat in. Finally it took Alex, of all people to get it in just right. Derek came to the conclusion that it was the Jeep's fault, and maybe they needed a mini van. Meredith made it clear that she was not driving a mini van. She wasn't a soccer mom that had gone soft. She is a hardcore surgeon! Derek just laughed. Derek drove so slowly and carefully with the baby in the car. Everything was a risk. Everything was a danger. He was so protective over him. He would wake up at night, just to go in the nursery and watch him sleep. They ended up moving up to the loft upstairs, so that they could be closer to him. Liam was a quiet baby, and let them sleep through the night. Meredith was happy to be home, but she missed the hospital. Derek missed his son whenever he was at work. He was so proud, all he ever talked about was his wife and son.

-----------------------

_From underneath the trees, we watch the sky_

_Confusing stars for satellites_

_I never dreamed that you'd be mine_

_But here we are, we're here tonight_

Derek arrived home at eight p.m.. He had an emergency surgery. He had been working less, so that he could spend time with them both. When he pulled up to the house, he saw Meredith sitting on the porch swing with their son in her arms. She was watching the setting sun over the water. He walked up, and sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

_And in the air the fireflies_

_Our only light in paradise_

_We'll show the world they were wrong_

_And teach them all to sing along_

_Singing Amen I'm alive_

_Singing Amen I'm alive_

Derek: Hello, my family.

Meredith: Hello, Daddy! Your son missed you today.

Derek: Not as much as I missed him. (He kisses her and then his son.)

Meredith: How was work?

Derek: Oh, I had a run-of-the-mill craniotomy. How about you?

Meredith: Oh, just some spit-up in the morning. Several diapers full of poo. Exciting...

Derek: You know you love it.

Meredith: I do. And I love you. (She leans in and kisses him.)

Derek: Not as much as I love you.

_And as we lie beneath the stars_

_We realize how small we are_

_If they could love like you and me_

_Imagine what the world could be_

_If everyone cared and nobody cried_

_If everyone loved and nobody lied_

_If everyone shared and swallowed their pride_

_We'd see the day when nobody died_

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**So there it is, in it's entirety. The song was 'If Everyone Cared' by Nickelback. When I heard it, I knew that it was the one for the end of the story. They went through a lot in their journey. **

**Everyone- THANK YOU so much for reading! I hope that it was up to your expectations. I really enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, especially the ones that reviewed regularly. It made a huge difference. There were times when I didn't feel like writing, but after reading the reviews, I was inspired. This story was originally a lot shorter, but I changed things according to what people wanted, so reviews do make a difference. I am happy with how it ended up, and I hope you are too!**

**If anyone has any good Mer/Der fics to recommend, PM them to me. **

**I will be posting my new fic, Never Leave Your Heart Alone soon. If you read it, that would be great.**

**So, for the last time, REVIEW! I want to break records here!**


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